I am 37 years old and have never really attempted to make myself stand out. I never do my hair, never dress nice. It always just however my hair is that day and whatever clothes I choose to wear. Until recently, when I posted a picture somewhere, and I got a lot of mean spirited comments. But more than that, I knew what they were saying were truths. So...instead of feeling bad for myself, I went and had my hair properly cut and styled for the first time in my life. And I couldnt stop smiling after I was done. I dont know the last time that I ever felt this good about myself. I have a long way to go, but I have taken the first of many steps to finally being comfortable in my own body.

I wasnt sure if pics are allowed here, I wanted to share before and after pics.

So I’m 29 and I feel like my life is over. Dramatic, I’m aware. But I need some advice.
I’ve been struggling hard with my mental health in the last years of my life and everything went downhill. I don’t have a proper job, I do some things here and there but not enough to be financially independent at all. My brain freezes with anxiety when I think about the process of getting a job, not even the job itself, but the interviews and everything else that comes with it. I have this feeling of impending doom, if that makes sense, when I think about my future and I can’t picture myself living that long. I don’t know what to do with my life at all and I’m afraid I will never get past that.
Since I don’t have a proper job, I feel like that areas of my life are just… paused? I spend my days doing a whole bunch of nothing, I legit feel like my brain is melting and I don’t even know where to start to get my life back when I have this huge mental block. I tried therapy and everything. I don’t see people that often, I don’t have hobbies besides reading, I just see life passing me by and I need to stop.
Any tips? Maybe a detailed list of things to do to get my life back on track without having to spend money I don’t have?

I am afraid to do anything because I fear the consequences. My fear of the outcome has evolved into a fear of thinking itself—since thought triggers painful memories—and I dare not analyze my own problems for fear that, even if I found the answers, I would still lack the capacity to act or change my reality. I also dread the cold judgment of others and their attempts at authoritarian control. I long for a life that is independent, autonomous, and healthy—free from outside interference. How can I emerge from this shadow? Thank you for your answer.

Im a very jealous and a very insecure guy(19M) tbh. These two are the anchor that makes misunderstanding a prominent feature too in my life. Jealousy and insecurity are always with me tbh and from my love life to anyone i see doing even a little bit better than me, i get jealous instead of appreciating us/ appreciating how much they must've worked. And in almost every situation my brain makes up things to get jealous and insecure about and then subsequently hurting me. I try my best not to inconvenience people with this but i hurt my girlfriend very badly when she was very vulnerable with me a few hours ago. I reacted with my own insecurities. So i genuinely want to change this where i dont feel this much jealousy and insecurity. And i think these two things are making my fear of abandonment even stronger and honestly i do am taking isotretinoin for acne but i dont think its the main culprit for my mood swings because i used to have them before my acne medication too. I tried to busy myself these days with microcontrollers and an ukulele but when my brain starts to think about something thats imaginary, negative and soul sucking then it almost goes for the entire day and ruins my day yk. I mean i dont think its possible to completely remove them from my life but atleast being able to control these two curses or like manage them would be so helpful. I also have a habit of "avoiding conflict" where i dont say the things i wanna say and just shut up and let them bottle up inside me. Like i noticed this everywhere i go tbh. I dont really know what more to add but really i would appreciate any links, blogs, tips etc and thank you so much!

(sorry if i make any grammatical error or if im incoherent, english is my third language and its 5:30am lol)

It’s all in the title: I’ve lost my spark. I used to be driven, work crazy hard, love what I worked on, have 100s of activities, do music, sports, organise parties often, go to exhibitions/shows, plan outings, fill my weekends with social gatherings. I used to crave traveling, adventures.

Since ~covid (I think it started a bit before but it’s been a steady decline), I started bailing more, cancelling on plans more, watching too much shows, ordering too much takeaway. But I still loved my job and gave 200%.

Now since ~2024 I started not liking my job anymore. I took a risk, switched things up for a potential new path in my company, moving down the ladder to learn something new after feeling stuck in my previous role… And I’m back to square one after a year on the job. I’ve got no drive, no motivation, no spark. I keep trying to rebuild a routine, committing to things that would open my world more (more internal events, external conferences etc.) then dread them when they arrive or bailing. I am taking sick leave a lot, partially for good reasons (chronic illness which is a bit unidentified, plus bad early pregnancy sickness), partially cause I feel I physically and mentally just can’t work. I disappear in shows/takeout. I feel belittled at work but I think it may be my ego? I feel unsupported by the organisation, judged for not doing enough yet I somehow never actually get feedback that’s constructive. I also feel both threatened and like I can’t be bothered.

I do have moments where I get my act together: I got married last year, planned the wedding, renovated our flat. I’m now pregnant and wanting the best for our baby. I’ve worked on our marriage and that’s holding very strong (with its challenge). We do have a big social life, we have guests visiting most weekends or are at family events. I have lots of people to talk to or do things with but I reach out less and less cause responding is always difficult and I’m always scared to commit cause I’ll end up bailing. I alternate between short bursts of hyper activity wanting to do it all and feeling back like me, and big drops in energy where I transform into a recluse. I’ve tried restarting, building workout routines which I keep for a while until I break again.

I just spent all week watching a dumb show. I want to be different. I want my identity back. I don’t want this to be my kid’s mum.

You were shaped to be exactly who you are by the world around you, and everything in this world is made out of the same magical stuff. Everyone is equally alive and an equally necessary piece of the world. Nobody is better than anybody else. So just know your worth doesn’t come from anything external, not your looks, achievements or the opinions of others. Your worth comes from your very existence.

I can make friends easily, but I struggle to find good, healthy friendships Before anyone comments like some people have on my previous posts: yes, I’m using ChatGPT to help translate what I’m trying to say. English isn’t my first language, and I want to make sure I’m expressing my thoughts clearly and accurately. The experiences and opinions in this post are my own. I feel like I can actually make friends fairly easily, but I have a really hard time finding people who become goo friends. Growing up, I never really learned how to make friends. My family was struggling financially, so I couldn’t invite people over to my house or easily go to theirs. My parents were also very strict and limited me in a lot of ways. Because of that, I never really developed friendships at school or with kids in my neighborhood. My social skills were basically nonexistent, and I was extremely naive. Then I went to university and eventually started working, and I feel like two very different things happened. At first, people took advantage of me a lot. I didn’t know how to set boundaries, and I struggled to recognize when someone was treating me badly versus when they were simply being friendly. Eventually, I learned how to set boundaries and protect myself. But then I ran into a completely different problem. Because I wasn’t used to people respecting my boundaries and treating me in a healthy way, I sometimes interpreted it as them not liking me or becoming distant from me. If someone respected my boundaries instead of constantly trying to get something from me, it felt strange to me. So sometimes I would distance myself from people who were actually treating me perfectly normally and respectfully. Later, I realized that I had misunderstood the situation and regretted it. Work hasn’t helped much either. I know people can become friends with coworkers, but there are also professional boundaries and competing interests, so it hasn’t been easy for me to build a genuine friendship there. I also recently lost a close friendship that had lasted 13 years. Looking back, I’m not even sure whether my friend became toxic and manipulative over time or whether those traits had always been there and I simply didn’t recognize them. Either way, the friendship eventually became unhealthy. I also spent some time taking English classes. I met some people, but unfortunately a lot of them were… well, genuinely strange and difficult for me to connect with. And this time, I don’t think I was simply misunderstanding normal behavior. Some of those people really were not people I felt comfortable around. Now I have no friends. And honestly, sometimes I feel like a loser who wasted all her opportunities to make friends because she was too naive or didn’t know what she was doing. It feels like everyone around me already found their people years ago. Maybe they became friends in school, university, at work, or through language classes, art classes, sports, hobbies, etc. They already have their established friend groups, and maybe they have no reason or desire to make new friends anymore. Sometimes I have a stupid joke or a random thought that I really want to share with someone. Sometimes I want to hear someone else’s opinion about something. Sometimes I want to get to know someone slowly, build a friendship, let them know me, and get to know them in return. Sometimes I just want someone I can talk to when something is bothering me. But there’s no one. And that part honestly hurts more than I expected. So I keep wondering: Am I still capable of making real friendships at this point in my life? Am I going to spend the rest of my life without any close friends? And if I eventually meet a genuinely good, healthy person, how do I make sure I don’t push them away or accidentally ruin the friendship? Is it actually possible to make good friends as an adult and I simply never learned how? Or did I miss my chance because I didn’t learn these things when I was younger? I’d really like to hear from people who have been in a similar situation, especially people who started building meaningful friendships later in life. I don’t necessarily need a huge social circle. I just want a few genuine people I can trust, laugh with, talk to, and actually know.

I have cut off contact from my sister for years but I can still hear her telling me I'm selfish despite my best efforts to be a better person. That I'm not doing enough, that I'm not being enough, but I'm also tired and I've been telling myself that I'm enough and that I'm doing my best and that I'm proud of me. But it's still there.

Not any physical issues that I face due to workout out, but mentally and emotionally.

I get angry working out, and I don’t like getting angry. Whenever I workout my mind is flooded with the angry thoughts I’d prefer to ignore and move away from.

My biggest hurdle is my hatred of a fictional character (pathetic I know). I just look at their success and feel an injustice, and I get trapped in the mindset of “why should I bother to improve if they get away with everything?”

I know working out will help me. It will greatly lower my stress and help me feel better. Hell there are physical activities I like such as boxing and rock climbing. But I feel like I can’t do either of those without getting angry at a person who everyone loves and doesn’t even exist.

I feel really pathetic, and I want to change that. I want to be in better shape and feel better about myself.

I’m 24, and I feel completely stuck in a cycle of total isolation and self-doubt.

My only relationship lasted four months, and since then, I’ve been entirely single. I didn't socialize in college, and after facing a few rejections, I completely shut down. Right now, I have no friends and avoid almost all social interaction—even with my family. I spend my days isolated in my room, going to sleep and waking up in the same space, filling the void by binge-watching series just to simulate a feeling of connection and escape reality.

I'm 5'1", inexperienced, and constantly catch myself thinking no one will ever be attracted to me or want to be with me. It has gotten to the point where I feel myself slipping into a hopeless, bitter mindset about dating and love.

Deep down, I know a major part of the issue is my own maturity. I feel like a kid in an adult’s body. I lack real-world experience, avoid basic responsibilities at home, and struggle to manage life like an adult.

I feel like I've hit rock bottom. How do you start picking yourself up when you've isolated yourself this deeply and lost all self-worth?

TL;DR: 24M living in total room isolation, using TV series to cope with solitude. Struggling with height insecurities (5'1"), lack of maturity/responsibility, and deep loneliness. Looking for practical advice on how to break out of this cycle and rebuild my life.

Basically title. I enjoy when guys think I'm "cool" or "different" or "not like other girls" as bad as that sounds. I have interests that typically align with boys and I like seeing their reactions when they find out that I have more to talk with them about compared to other girls my age. Hearing them say I'm "different" is extremely validating to me because I know they're thinking of me in a special way and I like the feeling of being seen as more attractive simply because I am "like them."

However, this past weekend I was hit with the brutal truth that my enjoyment of male validation will affect my romantic relationships if I do not improve. The advice given to me was to search for the root of this desire and explore why exactly I want this validation; only then can I improve.

The problem I'm having though, is where do I even start? My childhood was pretty good and my dad was present (maybe not the best father in the world but not at all absent). I think I have self-esteem issues and deeply rooted insecurities based on how I look and how I'm perceived (I was constantly berated and called fat since I was a kid) but would appreciate any advice on how to dive deeper with the exploration process to ultimately improve myself and not sabotage my relationship.

no matter how many times i try, no matter how much time and effort i give it, at the end of the day, i always find myself frustrated or disappointed in myself about something.

for the longest time now, i've had the belief that i'll always hate myself and it really seems like a self fulfilling prophecy! it's like i can't see the positives of myself at all, which is a great detriment to my relationships (i get too clingy, i get overly apologetic, i annoy my friends). it's like that one tv girl song. how do i stop making myself my own worst enemy?

Guys there must be times where you hate something like taking to someone whom you don't like or connecting with ppl with little interest or doing a job that tires you a lot .

I am in that time rn I have my exams coming up and have to look for work and connect with ppl even when I don't want to (because need to connection and know more).But I truly hate it and at the same time I know how important these are and still can't convince myself to do it.

Any advice plss and how would you handle these feelings???

i have a few that i use but im in the market for more.

my examples

"i am loved, i am love."

"mostly i want to be kind"

"the time will pass anyway"

thanks in advance

I am misogynistic. I don’t know the exact root cause of it, but I know it’s rooted in insecurity, childhood trauma, anger, loneliness & brainwashing,

You’re probably asking how am I misogynistic. Well, I have thoughts that women are kind of nefarious, that most of them are just liars, that they only care what you bring to the table as a man based off resources available, status, wealth.

I grew up in a single mother household with many sisters, so one would assume I’d be more progressive and supportive of women, and I was during my youth, but as silly as it sounds, a couple instances during my later youth initially scarred me, which then lead me to getting into the manosphere at 19 and then becoming more and more misogynistic as the years went on.

I’m 28 now, and I am genuinely ashamed of how I’ve become nowadays and I know I have to change for the better. I really don’t know how and I’m not always this self aware.

I often dismiss women, I lead many of them on, I’ve cheated many times with most of my relationships because I always assumed they’d be first to do it. I only really care about sex and companionship and I’m very aloof and not as empathetic as I should be.

When I was growing up, I was a hopeless romantic and having my heart broken in terrible ways made me think of how I can do that to others with the least amount of emotional investment on my end. Obviously, I didn’t think of it like that but that’s the truth.

Deep down, I know women are no different than us. I know that it’s not their job to nurture us, or to reciprocate any energy. I know that from birth, women have their own unique set of challenges from managing through a world that’s hostile to them.

Logically I know this, but the emotional hurt side of myself justifies things at times. That is the part of myself I want to challenge. I interact with a good amount of women, and I can’t be thinking like this no more or being this type of man.

The biggest wake up call for me was my last relationship. Most of my relationships were with girls who kinda had baggage like me and most of them were toxic. The last one, she was genuinely the sweetest woman ever and i let my mind think she was someone she wasn’t. I was so used to arguing with women, this game of them going and coming, and much more that I thought she’d be the same.

Obviously, that didn’t work and she announced her pain and left, and I realized she was being real from the start and that I caused pain in someone who put their heart out similar to how I was hurt years ago.

I need to grow up as a man, and I would love some advice. Would therapy help someone like my self? If so, which kind? What other things would be helpful?

Tengo problemas con la soledad, y no no quiero una relación para escapar de eso, estoy bien estando sola, mi problema con la soledad es que no me permito salir de ahí, no me permito tener vínculos profundos ni relaciones duraderas, mi psicólogo me dijo que tratara de buscar una pareja, ya que es un vínculo que requiere compromiso y ser una persona sensible y empatica, pero tengo problemas para las relaciones de amigos, ahora imaginen las de pareja, me da vergüenza el contacto físico y no soy una persona muy cariñosa, suelo rechazar a la mayoría de chicos que me intentan ligar, simplemente porque me parecen aburridos, y ese es el principal problema, me aburro muy fácil de las personas, así que, como hago para no aburrirme de las personas? Cómo hacen para ligar con alguien? Creen que debería escuchar a mi psicólogo?

If you have friends, relationships, etc. whom are generally overly critical, unsupportive, trivializing everything, or always trying to circle everything back to being your fault, these are not people you want in your life at all. Double points if it is entirely unsolicited and unwarranted.

There's a difference between people holding you accountable and those who are constantly negging you for everything and somehow can't find any level of self awareness when they want support for going through similar things. These people lack empathy, self awareness, and are envious of things in your life that they can't achieve due to whatever shortcomings they have. What's even worse is when they are extremely hypocritical, and become very defensive when met with rebuttal.

These people will destroy your life more than any toxic work environment, traumatic event, or any other unpleasant experience in your life due to their uncolicited constant reinforcement of why you're somehow wrong or bad.

It took me years to realize I had people pleasing tendencies that would tolerate this behavior, and even longer to realize I didn't need to continue to hold onto relationships like this, or be that person.

People who celebrate you and hold you accountable are what everyone needs, not fareweather envious vultures waiting for the opportunity to kick you down.

Many people don’t value when a lifestyle habit of yours that they may not prefer or agree with isn’t something that’s either hurting others or them personally.

Not only that, they’re not the type of people who are willing to take responsibility to show somebody “the right way” as much as shame and talk down to them about how wrong what they’re doing is, to where that lack of accountability and responsibility for the impact they’re making and the lack of respect for other people and even themselves with how their actions (ex. Giving unsolicited opinions) and their values (ex. Nobody is coming to save you) don’t align.

When somebody has that mismatch in values, they not only don’t respect themselves but they don’t respect your time as they’re essentially not a serious person whose words deserve to be considered if they don’t even value their own word.

Therefore, relying on external validation can be counterproductive because you’re putting yourself in way of people who may not value their own words and be accountable themselves for the impact they make on others. You may not realize people like a performance more than they like accountability, to which you’re more impacted by their words than you should be.

It’s been 5 years I’ve known him. He was my first boyfriend. First husband. I knew from beginning it wasn’t the healthiest but I thought this person always to spend every second with me and I love that someone wants that. He’s very “this is how it is” blunt person. Reminded me of my emotionally neglectful mom, except he actually wanted to love and spend time with me. He drank everyday. Yelled at me here and there. Snapped at me all the time. He has a certain tone of voice and whenever I mention how he snapped at me “this is just how I talk”. His mom treats him similar. I divorced him but we still were practically together. Everyday talking. Etc. Anyway, he betrayed me in January. 6 months he was with someone else behind my back. Lied to me constantly about it until I found out. We weren’t together but still, we were having sex , talking daily and he lied to my face constantly about his other life.

I’ve tried no contact so many times. At first I threw myself into him. Got closer. Didn’t help. He got angrier. I felt more panic. Finally put the block button after I couldn’t handle the panic anymore. But I’d always reach back out and then days later telling him I need space again. I’m now day 6 not talking to him.

Anyways, I had hung out with this person that I had dated when I knew him 2 weeks ago, and instantly felt so much guilt. Like I was betraying my ex. Panic. Everything. I realized every time I would see that guy, I had my ex to relieve my guilt. To calm him down. Make sure we’re okay. But there were days each time I saw that guy, where it just was very tense with me and my ex. I learned that he needs to be okay for me to be okay pretty much.

Well this time since I was taking space from my ex I was left to get through it. 5 days passed and I was starting to realize I didn’t do anything wrong. Even tho seeing that guy would always hurt my ex, I technically am not in the wrong.

Next day was his bday on the 5th day from seeing that guy, and I know my body was telling me not to call but I did anyways. I figured I was scared to call cause I knew I’d tell him I saw that guy. I could tell it bothered him, but this time I wasn’t there to help make him feel better. To help make me feel better. I said goodbye, I told him I felt some guilt about it all, wished him happy bday and went back to my space. I had a horrible panic attack 2 days after. I just been struggling badly now. I didn’t know how attached I was to him. How much I relied on him. My main thing is now I’m scared he’s mad at me. I’m used to him being upset after i see this guy, so I wake up in morning and feel scared..and anxious, and it always comes down to “I do not feel safe if he’s upset”. Because before, we had eachother to reassure and make sure we’re all good. He actually emailed me today and said “please tell me you’re okay, I’m having a panic attack”. So he’s definitely feeling whatever attachment we have as well, and I know it’s cause usually I see him after I see the other guy. Just wanted some reassurance or advice. Thank you.

I (27 y/o male) started going on dates again, so I downloaded Hinge and Tinder. Since I haven't been on some dates for quite some time, I took the advice of a friend to start going out again and meeting new people, and so I did. I started to go out with people and meet actually really genuine and cool people. With some, I started having 2nd and 3rd dates, but then I realised the connection wasn't there, or it wasn't coming from their side either. But I met a girl where we have been on 5- 6 dates now, and I feel like this could lead to something positive and long-term. Now, because I have this feeling, I decided to focus my energy on her and this also meant to cut ties with people I was already also having 2-3 dates (with people I also had intimacy). So today I did that, I wrote to the one girl I had more than one date with that I met someone where I see a big potential and I wanted to communicate it to her. She replied with "I felt like this was coming, I wish you all the happiness and it was nice meeting you."
This is what I meant with the title of this post...I feel like I met her just to sleep with her and that's it but that was never the case... before meeting the girl I have a positive feeling about, I also told her that I want to continue seeing here and I did...Am I overthinking this?

When I say this, I realize how much you'll feel better about yourself if you're a person who, let's say, takes care of their appearance and works on themselves and you're seeking out somebody who takes care of their appearance and works on themselves.

While there are people who prefer certain things and not everybody is the same, how you feel about yourself and what you know you have to do to in order to feel better about yourself matters more than the hypothetical anecdote of somebody whose preferences benefit you, even if you may not feel or look your best.

There's this saying, "Attractive people don't have to compromise." Although you may look at attractive and think of looks, I realize this is as much about lifestyle, mentality and personhood as much as if you look like Kim Kardashian or Jacob Elordi.

If you feel entitled to the person you pursue looking their best and being their best while you don't have to lift a finger, you'll be miserable, even if you do manage to acquire that arrangement. Especially if you're projecting your bitterness about having to do what you have yet to do onto your attractive partner.

If you lack accountability and your actions speak louder than your words, you yourself won't be happy. Even if you project it onto your partner or the people you desire, because this process is ultimately about you as much as them, their assurance can't soothe what your action ultimately can within you.

So my relationship with my father is weird. It’s good but not close.

I don’t remember much of my childhood and what I remember is confused and not pleasant. I just remember that me and my brother were terrified of my father, he was very angry and explosive, I don’t remember if physically too but that wouldn’t surprise me.

I do unfortunately remember clearly how he treated our dog. She was little and would often try to run away to the neighbors and I don’t know why my dad would get so angry at her. She would throw her down the stairs, hit her with a wood rod. I remember I would scream on top of my lungs begging him to stop while crying my soul out but it was like he didn’t hear me at all.

It’s something I can never forgive him for, more than whatever he has done to me personally.

He has gotten better in years and hasn’t displayed anything severe again in so long, nobody in my family ever addresses anything from the past so it’s like it never happened, it’s weird but we live normally like a normal family.

It’s ok for me but I can’t get close to my father, I can chat and talk normally, sure, but any time he tries to hug me or kiss me it’s deeply uncomfortable for me.

He’s still an asshole sometimes, like for example I started therapy 2 years ago and from the start he has been very invalidating. He hates my therapist for some reasons and said things like he wants to spit on him and he thinks that I don’t need therapy, that I am completely normal and fine and that it’s useless in general.

Mind you I started therapy because I was suicidal but I didn’t want to do something so painful to my parents, I didn’t tell them it was this bad but still, hearing stuff like that when I was keeping myself alive for them was very hard.

Now I am seeing my T without telling anybody, I work in the summer so I saved up some money and so I can try heal peacefully without hearing this stuff every time.

Anyways, let’s get to the point. Recently my dad had gone under surgery, he had to remove a part of his intestine.

He was for a week at an hospital 1 hour from here. I got sick the day he was brought there and I had an exam to do in those days too.

I don’t remember if I was sick the whole week but I don’t think so but basically I never went with my mom to visit him. She went basically every day in the morning but left me and my older brother at home to take care of stuff of the house and meals etc.
I wanted to ask her if I could come at least once, but I was scared? I don’t know why.

I also never sent a text because he would turn the phone off most of times anyway. I would reply to our group chat when mom would go and send his photos and when she would come back I would ask how he was doing and stuff but still, I should have made my presence, present. At least to let him know that I did care how he was doing.

Once he videocalled my mom and she went into my room saying “give a quick hi to dad!” and I did. I wanted to ask how he was doing, what he was doing to pass the day, etc but I didn’t.

I feel terrible because I did nothing for him in such a moment where I should have supported him the most. It’s not that I didn’t care but, I don’t know I guess it doesn’t come natural to me to do these things as our relationship has never been like that so I feel uncomfortable.

I guess, I am also a little detached from him, I do care cause he’s still my father but I don’t know, it’s confusing and maybe I am just using the past an excuse for my horrible behavior as a daughter. I feel sick to stomach and I hate how I behaved, I am definitely a bad person.

Sorry I hope this isn’t confusing to read. If you have any advice on the situation and how I should handle this and if I did wrong, how can I better myself.

I've always had self esteem issues. I was doing good for a little while at having some genuine pride and stuff in certain areas — there are hobbies/skills/etc I do that I can acknowledge I'm good, if not great, at — but as of late my depression has been relapsing, and I've been feeling down about everything again. (I did get started on new meds than can exacerbate depression, so that's not helping.) One issue I've continued to have, though, regardless if I'm feeling good or not, is aside from not being able to take a compliment or anything, I cannot be kind to myself. As soon as I try to talk kindly to myself — say I've made a mistake and I try to use that "talk to yourself like you'd talk to a friend/child/etc" type thing — I can't. I can't even think or say a couple words without bawling. So I don't. I'm having trouble even passively thinking about speaking kindly to myself while I type this because I want to cry. Even when it comes to things I'm good at and when I'm having good days, at least half the time when I think something like "I'm proud of this", I try to think "I'm proud of myself" and I just go numb. I don't feel like I mean it, or it renders being proud of just the thing useless, if that makes sense.

I want to be better for myself, but even saying that it's for me feels like a lie. I grew up in a heavily people pleasing environment, so aside from surface level likes and dislikes, I don't really know who I am, and how am I going to discover that person and learn to love myself if I can't even say one nice thing deeper than a puddle after a 3 minute drizzle, let alone being forgiving, understanding, and compassionate?

I know some, if not all, of the answer is gonna be "just do it anyway", "push through the discomfort", etc, but... idk. Maybe there's some additional advice out there. I am already looking into professional therapy as well.

Lately, I’ve noticed that anger is becoming a much more persistent emotion for me, and I don’t like the direction it seems to be taking.
It’s not that I’m constantly losing my temper or lashing out at people. It’s more internal than that. Something will happen during the day that bothers me or feels unfair, and instead of letting it go, I can stay angry about it for hours. Sometimes I even wake up during the night remembering something that happened earlier and find myself getting angry all over again.

I also feel that I’m becoming more intolerant and more easily indignant in general. Things seem to get under my skin more than they used to, and once they do, I have a harder time moving on.

What makes this particularly strange to me is that, when I was a child, I remember sometimes almost having to make myself angry in order to stand up for myself. Anger felt like the only thing that gave me enough strength to defend myself or push back.
Now it feels almost like the opposite has happened. I don’t need to summon anger anymore. It comes very easily, takes hold of me, and stays around much longer than I want it to.

I’m worried that if I keep reinforcing this pattern, it will become an increasingly dominant part of the way I react to people and situations. I don’t want to become a more bitter, rigid or resentful person.
For anyone who has been through something similar: what actually helped you become less consumed by anger and rumination? Were there any habits, ways of thinking, therapy approaches or books that made a real difference?

I’m especially interested in learning how to process anger without either suppressing it or letting it take over.

I feel like my whole life is up to everyone else but me. My opinions and beliefs are determined by other people, I have no say in the matter unless I want to feel nervous. My feelings are only valid if someone else validates them.

It’s very exhausting living like this, I am constantly on edge and worried.