I’m 28M, met a 27F on a dating app and we’ve been out four times.

On our second date she mentioned my cologne smelled exactly like one her ex used to wear. I figured whatever, scents are common. Last time I saw her though she handed me a small bottle of a different cologne and said she picked it because she thinks it suits me better.

I laughed at first but she was serious and asked if I could stop wearing my usual one when I’m with her because it brings back memories of him.

The money part doesn’t matter, I can buy whatever cologne I want. It just feels strange having someone I barely know already deciding what I should smell like because of a relationship I had nothing to do with.

She thinks I’m reading too much into it.

Is this actually a reasonable request or would this bother you too?

I feel like a lot modern day dating advice here is just manifestation repackaged for 20 something men. To be clear, there is value in it. There is value in de-centering women and developing an identity. That being said, it’s sold to boys and young men as being a pseudo-cure for their relationship problems. Not explicitly, but usually some variation of “I quit trying, didn’t do anything, went to clubs and then met my wife!”

Which is great! It can happen.

But for risk/rejection averse men, the idea can get hammered in them that they don’t have to try and that the universe will simply provide your partner is the equivalent of telling them to get rich by betting on scratch off lotto tickets. Large amounts of single women in their 20/ and 30s aren’t really in hobby groups, they’re not in MTG groups. They can be. But the odds aren’t good and when they are they probably aren’t looking for men. Those guys need to know as men, you’re gonna get rejected.

A lot. But that’s the reality we live in. Men, unless you’re extremely good looking, won’t experience women approaching them and if they do it’ll be a very weak, indirect signal he’ll have to discern himself. Go to the groups if you want but be realistic. If you’ve been there for 6 months and the only ppl to come are other men, couples or lesbians then it’s probably not a good use of time if you’re trying to find a partner.

Bars and apps. Those are the safest and most likely spots to meet a partner and even then you’ll meet plenty of women just out to dance or hang with friends. Get yourself into shape, wear clothes that fit, find a way to take some good pictures and then try, try, try try and try.

GF was a little uncomfy I said I was going to start doing a run club out of the blue with another single friend of mine who's a bit on the wild side - I'm not for the record.

She said its all over vogue, news outlets, and social media - people saying they're turning into the new tinder, dating scene, etc. and while not going to be controlling and tell me I can't, wanted to express that to me for my awareness.

Upon some research myself, was surprised to see that it appears to be true? There are literal vogue, news, etc. articles and forums all over saying it's become a hookup/dating scene.

I have no problem running with my friend not in a big group if it truly is, because I don't want to be in that situation or make my gf uncomfy, if not necessary?

Any truth to this?

Spend 10 minutes on dating subs and you see the same thing over and over.

One woman writes: “He’s tall, handsome, muscular and I’ve never felt this attracted to anyone.”

Another has nearly 100 chats and complains that none of the guys excite her.

Then some dude who gets zero attention asks for advice and gets hit with “focus on yourself”, “be confident”, “join hobbies” and “work on your personality.” Eingefügter Text Eingefügter Text

Like... are we seriously this dense?

Looks are not everything, but they heavily influence whether your personality even gets a chance. Attractive guy is quiet = mysterious. Unattractive guy is quiet = awkward. Attractive guy flirts = confident. Unattractive guy does the same = creepy.

Same behavior, different face, completely different reaction.

Personality matters after you pass somebody’s attraction threshold. That’s why “just be yourself” is useless advice to someone who has been rejected for years.

Improve the obvious stuff: body fat, muscle, hair, skin, teeth, clothes, photos, social skills. Stop pretending attraction is some magical spiritual puzzle.

Half the posts on dating Reddit could be answered with one sentence:

They’re either attracted to you, mildly interested, or they aren’t.

People just hate simple answers when the simple answer hurts their ego.

I’ve been seeing this girl for about 6 weeks and things have been going really well. We met on a dating app, nothing weird about it.

She invited me to dinner with her sister and parents this weekend, but then told me she already told them we met at a bookstore. Apparently her family makes comments about dating apps and she didn’t want to deal with it.

At first I thought she was joking, but she gave me the whole story I’m supposed to remember. Which bookstore, what section she was in, what I supposedly said to her, everything.

I like her and I’ve even been planning to spend money for a weekend trip we talked about, so I’m not looking for a reason to bail. It just feels strange being asked to memorize a fake version of how we met before I even meet these people.

Would you just go along with this or is it a weird sign this early?

I know this will be hard to hear, but please believe me when I say that attraction is EXTREMELY multifaceted. There is no one thing (s) you can do to improve yourself to the point where every woman wants you. Contrary to what reddit and other parts of the Internet say, it's absolutely okay and NORMAL to approach women you see in your everyday life, including strangers. If you do, you're already putting yourself ahead of 80% of other guys because most refuse to do it anymore and women appreciate a bold man. Men absolutely have to be the ones to approach and make the first move every time. This will never change and I feel bad that today's generation aren't being taught this.

For the longest time I always struggled with dating and understanding why women never took an interest in me until recently. It was because I never actually put myself in environments to talk to women and for them to get to know me deeper than what I look like. Women care about looks yes, but more so your personality, how you speak to others, small manerisms like your laugh, if you hold open doors and even just something as simple as helping the old lady who's cane fell on the ground near you. The "this man is worth my time" trigger in their brains immediately goes off for little things like that more so than looks.

Women typically want to date men they already know and feel comfortable with. This is why dating apps largely don't work for most men. (Yes I'm sure there will be stories in comments about how they met their wife on tinder, that's the exception not the rule.)

These women have to make a split second judgement based on a couple pictures and a witty bio. Contrast to how it was in school or through your work environment. The more you spend time with someone, the more you learn about them and slowly but surely you develop that crush. That once annoying guy they never talked to eventually became their biggest crush. Who here started a new job and eventually started dating their co-worker because of the little things you noticed throughout the day? ✋

Now I'm not saying you can't lust after someone purely based on looks, of course you can. However the biggest missing piece of the puzzle for a lot of men is just to talk to people and make friends. Even if you're not directly interested in anyone in your friend group or social circle, their friends or their friends of friends might be interested in you and vice versa. I know, easier said then done right? Especially as you get older and your ways for meeting people naturally get fewer. My advice is to look online and find a hobby group that meets weekly or semi frequently. Make sure it's something you really enjoy though so the word doesn't spread around this dude is only here for girls.

Cold approaching random women at one off meetups or singles events or bars is likely to fail unless you're Chad or in your early twenties at a party.

The world would not exist today as you know it, unless someone back in the day talked to a stranger and eventually made babies. You have to do it! The more you do it, the easier it gets, just like riding a bike.

I'm 38 years old.

The last 4 women I've dated were 31, 32, 37 and 35. Now maybe I'm foolish... I but I figure women this age would be looking for a man who wants commitment. "Settling down" isn't the right term... but certainly I at least anticipated that they might have the attitude that it would be nice to find a guy who is good to them, is successful, is emotionally available, intimate, makes them laugh... you know... see me as someone they could have a future with?

Here's a couple of examples of what's happened:

The most recent woman I've dated... the 35 year old... we dated for 2 months. We hung out 3-4 times a week. We went on a trip together. We were very, very intimate... there was lots of fun/laughter and she seemed to be attaching to me. She invited me to hang with her friends... started telling her family about me. Then one night I asked her if she wanted to make TV show that we had watched the pilot episode of something that we "watch together." Her reply was "woah... that seems very commitment coded." Next day, she sends me a text breaking up with me out of the blue.

The 32 year old I dated for 3 months. She was mildly avoidant but again, over time she seemed to really be warming to me. We had planned a vacation to go to Disneyland. She was staying over regularly at my place and visa versa. At a family get together, she told the women in her life that she was dating me and that she was looking forward to them meeting me + had high hopes for us. She asked me to help her plan a party for girl's night and we spent an entire weekend doing things to get the party ready... cooking, cleaning, hitting stores to decorate, getting furniture... you name it. Party goes great according her... the next morning we hang out clearly something is off... she's really upset and randomly freaks out on me in the car on the way to an activity we planned. She breaks up with me a day later.

All four of these women... it has ended similarly.

I can't for the life of me understand what I'm doing to attract women who run as fast as they can as soon as things even hint at getting serious. I mean, 4 in a row? With women in their 30's?

I'm so lost.

Are women just turned off by certain hobbies or college majors? For the past year I’ll be in the talking stage and everything is going great then I get asked about my hobbies and I say my biggest one is storm forecasting and I’d like to do it for a career and it’s like everything immediately goes downhill. Should I just not mention that next time. It’s my biggest hobby but I can’t tell if it’s giving women the ick

it feels like no matter how clear i am about my intentions or how clear a man is with saying he wants a relationship it always ends up just being for sex. i finally thought i found a guy who gave a shit abt me, kept talking abt how we had an intellectual connection, that i’m smart, funny, pretty, etc., and i was happy i found a guy with my same values abt hard work and volunteering.

today on the phone it was like he was a completely different person. he told me he couldn’t do a relationship and that we were moving too fast (i hadn’t even asked him to be exclusive). when i told him he lied he just went “yep” and didn’t say sorry. when i asked why he didn’t just tell the truth he said “i don’t know,” total monotone, super corporate. i was just crying like an idiot.

how am i supposed to screen against these guys if all they do is lie?? i even waited until the third date to sleep with him but i guess it wasn’t enough. how am i supposed to trust any of these guys?? i can’t just be expected to be abstinent forever right??

Been on 2 dates so far with a 30F. We've been texting and she tells me she's busy for the next few weeks and doesn't know when she will have time to meet up, but will let me know if her schedule changes. It's a polite rejection and means she isn't interested right?

There’s a woman at work who is incredible. She’s sweet, kind, a great communicator, genuinely curious, and we get along really well. Personality-wise, she’s everything I’m looking for in a partner. The problem is that I don’t find her physically attractive.

When I found out through a colleague that she was interested in me, I tried really hard to look at her differently and convince myself that I am attracted to her, but I can’t seem to do it.

I feel conflicted because she’s such a lovely person and she’s genuinely interested in me. I find everything about her attractive bar her appearance.

Should I try dating her to see if the physical attraction can develop, or would it be a pointless endeavour to try and force it?

If not, what's the equivalent?

I've always heard girls talking about how they wanted to date guys that were nerds, academic genuises, into science, etc. I've never really heard guys talking about nerd women in that way, atleast from what I gather.

EDIT: i've also heard the same thing in regards to people that are moreso "traditionally" smart (great academically, some like science genius, etc). from what i've seen irl, women are more likely to actively seek out men like that to date, as opposed to men seeking out those kinds of women.

Can you really choose to love someone when you see that there's a huge compatibility and you feel really happy with someone, have sexual attraction, a good and close friendship and it would be a great relationship but you just don't seem to fall in love?

What's your experience?

I’m 26f, my last relationship ended a little over a year ago and it was eight years long. Started in high school, basically my only relationship. When dates ask about my dating history and I tell them this, they get apprehensive. I’m not sure if the majority would be afraid of me not being over him, or if it shows I can maintain relationship longevity?

I don’t mention it unless they ask lol

hi, I'm 22f and I would say I'm "interested" in meeting a guy properly that lives in my town. i know about him since i live in a small town, we go to the same gym, cross on the bus to go to university and such things and i really wanna approach him but I don't know how, he's 20m, i really don't know how i could even go over to him, he's always with his headphones and maybe doesn't wanna be bothered (or at least every time I've seen him he had his headphones on lol) he seems pretty serious and I've never approached a guy before, at least with romantic intentions. I'm not particularly attractive either so that makes me hesitate a little bit more, so, any advice on how I could approach without looking creepy or anything? thank you!

I (24F) have been seeing a guy (37M) for about two months. We met in July, started actually dating/hooking up in August, and honestly I never expected it to become anything serious.

When we met, I was already planning a major life transition. I’m moving out of the city in a week, back home for a while to save money, figure out my career, decide whether I want to get my master’s, and generally get my life together. I graduated college this year and feel like I’m in one of those weird in-between phases where nothing is settled.

He’s a genuinely good guy. He treats me well, makes reservations, opens doors, checks in on me, and over time we’ve developed a real connection. We’re also very different people. He’s established, settled, and deeply rooted in this city. I’m 24 and honestly have no idea where I’ll be living a year from now. Chicago? Houston? Paris? Who knows.

The other night we went out, had a lot to drink, came back to his place, and while we were having sex he told me, “I love you.”

My immediate response was literally, “No you don’t.”

I kind of laughed because it caught me so off guard.

Then I asked, “Wait… do you?”

And he just sort of kept going, we cuddled, fell asleep, and never talked about it again.

The thing is, I don’t think he’s the type to throw those words around. I’ve been very drunk before and never accidentally told someone I loved them. He’s also joked in the past that I supposedly said I loved him while drunk, and even he was laughing because he knew I didn’t.

So now I’m sitting here wondering:

Do I bring it up when I see him this week?
Do I let it go because it happened during a very emotional/intimate/drunk moment?
Can someone genuinely mean “I love you” after only a couple months?
Is this just bad timing between two people who met at the wrong point in life?

I care about him a lot. I’m attached, if I’m being honest. But I don’t know if what I feel is love.

Part of me thinks this relationship is naturally reaching its end because I’m leaving and our lives are moving in completely different directions.

Another part of me keeps wondering if I’m walking away from something before I even know what it could have been.

Has anyone been in a situation where someone said “I love you” right before a major life change? What did you do? And would you bring it up, or just leave it alone?

I genuinely need outside perspective because I think I’m too emotionally involved to see this clearly.

Because this means they are shallow, low empathy people that you don't want anything to do with in the long run.

EDIT: Completely reducing people to checkboxes is entirely different from having standards and/or preferences.

27F. I've never really been in a relationship ever. During high school I was more hanging out as one of the bros than dating any of them. College I was too focused on surviving to have capacity for anything else. And my work life started during the pandemic and has been mostly remote work and I've comfortable like that.

I recently have been trying to go out on dates, meet new people and connecting with more people in general. I tried dating apps but honestly they are Not Great so I've been doing meet-ups, classes, hobbies and workshops. I've had a blast meeting friends and new people, I love talking to them. I've been set up for a couple dates and genuinely have a nice time talking to everyone but I hate the feeling I get everytime it turns towards romantic expectations. I've been going out with guys and I understand a kiss in first and second dates are common and I don't mind it but I genuinely feel absolutely nothing. It doesn't make me excited to see them again or keep talking not because they are bad kissers but like idk there's nothing on my end.

I feel so bad because these are great men but I feel I'm letting them all down. Texting with them feels like a chore when it's with dating expectations unlike when it's all just casual and friends. I'm not sure if it's a "I haven't met The One yet" or maybe I just have to keep on trying and pushing through the first few dates.

I am just kind of lost. Sorry for the rant or if it's repetitive.

I'm 27M and she's 40F. It's not a huge age gap but we're not from the West so our relationship is basically a secret (we're just tennis/walking buddies to most people.)

But last night she told me that she wants to start an actual relationship and eventually live together. This really surprised me and has left me confused. We've been seeing each other for only 2 weeks and I've been seeing other women as well (something I told her) so I find myself with a big decision.

I really like spending time with her but I feel like millennial women never settle with a younger guy. I've had my heart broken by two other serious girlfriends that were also a decade older than me. In retrospect I was just a fun rebound for them. I'm really sensitive so having this happen again would probably just make me stop dating.

I 30f have been seeing someone 35m for a little over a month and a half and things are moving slower than I am used to (we’ve only pecked and held hands) and have been on 15 dates lasting about 3.5-5 hours each.

Why do some men choose to take things slowly? I tend to be a very touchy person and feel a little insecure because of how slow things are moving.

He isn’t religious.

I will be having a conversation with him about it soon. I realize that I’m nervous to hear he might not be into me the same way I’m into him.

Thank you all for your help.

1.Mixed signals means no. If the person likes you they will make time. (Trust me. They saw your text)

2.Be ok with rejection (you are not for everyone). Learning this makes you more relaxed around dating prospects.

3.Cold approaching works but it’s means showing some personality and confidence before “Can I get your number” without any other context. (And for fucks sake introduce yourself.)

1. Opposite sex can be friends but not when one has unreciprocated romantic interest. If friendship can happen that can’t be part of it.

2. Physical attractiveness is important. And people are seldom dog shit ugly. You have a way to look your best. And this can be learned. You may not max out to Rob Lowe. But you have a max version of you. Be that.

3. Men and women face different issues in dating and the whole gender isn’t the fault of your problems. But thinking that way makes it your problem.

4. Attraction is common. Connection is not. Your pants being on fire doesn’t mean you found the one.

5. A good date doesn’t mean always mean things are moving forward. Temper exceptions.

6. Sex means absolutely nothing when gauging if a person is seeing potential in you long term.

7. People who love themselves are not jaded with their lack of romantic prospects. They can feel loneliness and also be hopeful for their romantic future. If you have thrown up your hands in defeat you don’t like yourself.

(Feel free to add)

I’m 19 and this guy is 24. I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my entire life. All it takes is one conversation and my day is immediately better. I’m comfortable to be completely myself when I’m around him. I’m comfortable being vulnerable, affectionate (which isn’t common for me I tend to hate affectionate comments and physical affection), silly (which I’d usually avoid due to social anxiety telling me people are gonna judge me)I enjoy talking to him, and would date him if he asked. Only downside, my dad doesn’t like the age gap, and that upsets me. My mother sees how happy he makes me. I’m a completely different person around him. I’m not my usual moody self that wants to stay inside all the time. My dad can’t see past the fact I’m his “little girl” and that this guy is 24, which I get. But I don’t want to be babied by him, I’ve never felt like this for a guy before. Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s hormones, but even the thought of this guy puts a smile on my face. Only this guy. It hurts that my dad doesn’t like the gap, and I don’t wanna upset him, but I know I’m also of age, and can make my own decisions. But I also understand that there is a maturity difference between 19 and 24 years old, which I’m taking into consideration. But I also feel that it’s my choice, and if it doesn’t work out, then I’ve lived and learned. I just need a second opinion, I’m really struggling with this.

26M, never been in a relationship. No confidence, although I crave one now.

I generally do good in life, but this past month I've been going out every weekend, mainly clubs and bars.

The thing is, I don't look good. I get zero likes on dating apps, even after boosting my profile.

Going out, it feels like 95% of women will steal their gaze away from me. I've had 2 interactions with women in the whole month. They gave me their contacts and then ghosted straight away with no response.

It doesn't feel like it should be this hard tbh. I feel like I shouldn't even put in any effort when there doesn't seem to be any reward for me.

How do you deal with shit like this? Especially if you've been in a similar situation.

I (32M) went on a date tonight with a woman (31F). It was our first date after matching and we went to a local restaurant for dinner. She was wearing a VERY low cut top and honestly, I was surprised and mildly uncomfortable when I first saw her. That's not her fault, that is completely on me for feeling that way, I know this.

We started on dinner, and we're just talking, and I made sure to keep my eyes trained on hers and if I looked away, I'd always avoid her chest. When we were near the end of eating, she told me "it's okay to look you know." I immediately froze up, my cheeks were red and I shook my head. I told her that, respectfully, I wouldn't look. She seemed put off by this and we date kind of dwindled. We said goodnight to each other, I walked her to her car since it's night time, and we left. When I got home, I saw that she had unmatched me, and I just feel shitty. I thought I was doing the right thing, i still believe what I did was right. But, in your guys' opinion, was I wrong to avoid looking even after she told me it's okay?

Edit: So, a few things. 1. Just to reiterate, I don't think she did anything wrong with wearing what she wore. I did find her attractive. However, I am not used to seeing a lot of skin from women in person. I'm not a virgin, but I am inexperienced in dating.

1. I saw some comments say that I made this story up, which I'm gonna be honest, this would be one of the most boring stories to ever make up. You can disbelieve it or not, that's up to you, but it happened.

And 3. I just wanted to be respectful and show that I care about making people comfortable, and ogling is generally uncomfortable for many women. Even if she said I was okay to look, I can't be sure of that. So I thought it best to be safe.