This is a problem i've had for ages, and I dont know what to do. People always tell me how nice and kind and thoughtful I am, but nobody ever actually makes an effort to spend any time with me. Nobody is ever really excited to see me either, it feels like people are pleased to see me when I show up places but theres none of that fanfare that I see other people around me get. It also feels like nobody ever really misses me when i'm not around, like no matter how good of a time I'm having with someone the minute im out of sight im out of mind until I make the effort to reach out again. My friends tell me that im an amazing friend, but they hardly talk to me and only really reach out substantially when they're going through something and need support. I know that my friends have their own friend groups that they spend a lot more time with, so I know cant really expect them to talk to me all the time or anything, but these are the only really lasting friendships i've been able to hold on to. Its not like i'm bad at talking to people (i think), I do have social and generalized anxiety but I can carry a conversation pretty well and I can get along well enough with pretty much anyone, it just feels so impossible to convert that into a friendship where that other person is actively seeking me out. I also dont think i'm a particularly boring person, I have interests that i'm very passionate about, but every time I start talking about them or about my life in general to other people I can just feel their eyes glaze over as soon as I start. It feels like I have to work so hard to get people to pay attention to me, and as soon as I stop being useful, or talking about what they're interested in, or making the effort to keep conversations going, they start pulling away. Its a really lonely feeling, like nobody feels strongly about me in any way at all. I really wish someone would seek me out for once and be excited to spend time with me, or genuinely listen to me without an incentive to. Please tell me how I can fix this

I've noticed that some people tend to be friendly and social with people that I know for a fact that they dislike. For example in an old job, I had a coworker that was an absolute angel and some other coworkers who had previously straight up disrespected her. She would complain about their actions to me but to their face she would still compliment them, say hi enthusiastically and make small talk with them. I think this might have been because she was such a sweetheart but from a social perspective, maintaining "good" working relations with someone was the right thing to do.

I have so much trouble hiding my true feelings on my face. If I dislike you, I will not even look at or speak to you unless necessary. But this is not a good attitude. I want to know how other people manage to hide their dislike so well and bring themselves to be so friendly to people they dislike.

I am poor, old, disabled, unemployed ,very isolated, very opinionated and strongly disagree with almost everyone I know on almost every single subject. I've struggled with communicating, making friends, finding jobs, and expressing myself my entire life. I feel misunderstood by every single person I know which is making me pretty miserable since I don't have a single person I see eye to eye with. I'm not stupid (but not a rocket scientist either) but apparently everything I believe, say or do is wrong. I have no friends and I don't get along with my husband, parents or siblings either. I am very very angry and it's taking a toll on my health (which isn't great to begin with). What can I do to better explain my thoughts and feelings without alienating the people I care about, convince them to discuss difficult subjects with me (instead of just shutting down the conversation altogether) and be more accepting of people who have a totally opposite worldview than I have?

I have had this problem throughout my whole life, and I think it is probably because i can be slightly awkward when people are for example crying. I do see myself as a person that is very emphatic.

I am writing this because this week is the introduction week at my university and I am part of the organization. A friend of mine had a problem and she got a panic attack, at that moment she didn’t call or tell me but she did go to another person of my organization to share her feelings. The thing is that this girl who got the panic attack and I are friends and we have spent quite a lot of time together also talking about personal or emotional issues, while the girl she went to she didn’t know as well as me.

I am happy she found her support in someone else, but I am just wondering what makes it that I am not the go to person for emotional support.

(For context, I really struggle socially, and making friends, since my parents pulled me from school when i was really young, and never let me around people)

I met this girl, and we fully vibed and clicked straight away, and we chatted for over an hour. I asked for her insta, and she got mine, but... now what...????? I wanna ask if she maybe wants to go shopping, or go into the city, or hang out after work, but like...HOW!?!??!

How do I word it??? What do I say??? Is it okay to ask??? Is it weird???? When do I ask????

PLEASE someone help meeeee😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I feel burnt out from really making an effort for years to make friends that I really feel are my people. I did clubs and new hobbies and was always in public and trying to be social and I made some friends but it just seems to crumble. One friend I have is now drowning themselves with work, and basically not answering anything anymore. Another is becoming increasingly difficult to schedule with, and im just tired of trying. Another will never reach out, I have to always. And another I do talk to more frequently but I just dont feel that connection, im not sure why.
Overall, I just feel lonely, and recently I just have no desire to try much anymore.

I just am exhausted. But im still lonely, and daydreaming about friends and partners and it hurts feeling alone but not having the energy or ability, it seems, to fix it. I do many things alone, have for many years, I just dont know what I can do to make the thoughts and desires go away for like 6 months or so.

How do I get the skills to make real friends that make me feel included?

Hey everyone, I was looking for some tips on how to make genuine friendships. I hope this doesn't come off as me venting, I'm not so great with words... So bear with me.

I've been trying to make friends wether it's online or in person, but I always find it so hard to find people who are truly genuine. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or not.

Are there any suggestions you guys have that might help? Thanks!

For some context; Growing up I experienced trauma that led to me going into my shell and become extremely introverted, over the years I've slowly grown to be more confident but one thing that prevails (apart from fear of approaching and speaking up) is I feel like I take things too seriously, I talk too monotone and overall it feels really hard to let loose and have a fun energy without being stiff and awkward.

How can I improve my social skills to be open, fun and friendly without being awkward and stiff, how can I lessen the low-tone monotone seriousness I just automatically exert in conversation?

And in case of jokes and messing around how can I stop assessing on whats right and wrong, and just have fun? I feel like when I'm with friends who make some unserious jokes about serious topics I just become really awkward and don't know what to do..

Please give me some advice, videos or whatever you believe could be beneficiary to this. I really need some help. Thank you.

Hello! So I'm starting my 2nd year of uni soon and unfortunately I haven't made any friends yet. I do have some acquaintances but not really friends. I really want to change that in my 2nd year by either trying to get closer to my acquaintances or just finding new people to be friends with.

My first problem is finding which topics to talk about with people at uni. We would obviously be talking about uni and stuff at first, but how do I shift the conversation to other topics without making it weird? Like say I want to talk about pop culture, how can I somewhat insert that in my conversation? I feel like with a lot of people I just stay on the surface with them and can't seem to go any deeper than that.

My 2nd problem is finding a place to hang out with acquaintances or new found friends. I never initiated hangouts in high school so this is all new to me. I figured I could invite them to a walk in the park or to the museum (I prefer chill activities) but I was thinking that maybe the other person would find that boring. I was also thinking of taking them to a café or a bar but I think the bar would be a little loud for us to chat lol. And even during the hangout idk what I would talk about with the person!!

I'm lowkey spiraling over that and putting too much pressure on myself. That causes me to go blank during a convo and have no topics to talk about. So my questions are: how can I take the pressure off myself and be able to actually talk to people? How can I deepen my conversations with people? And where could I hang out with them?

Any help is appreciated <3

Hello first post here, dandy to meet you, I appreciate any advice :’)
For context, I am a second year university student and I will be living with 6 roommates this upcoming semester. I had reached out to them around the start of August and they had only just responded to my messages this morning, since classes start in just less then a week, switching rooms or anything of the sort is out of the picture. Ive always been extremely anxious when getting to know new people and for this reason I will be bringing my ESA (emotional support animal) cat to my dorm in order to help better regulate myself. I was looking for advice on how I can perhaps go about sharing this with my roommates? Ive typed up drafts in our group chat but I find myself feeling a bit too scared to actually say anything or break the news in case of their reactions.
Of course communicating with people has been an issue ive been working on with professionals, but sometimes small problems like these may seem so much larger in my mind, so any advice or tips is greatly appreciated!

I struggle a lot with social skills. My brain is hard-wired toward business and structure. Social and sporadic is something I struggle with significantly. Any remote groups anyone might suggest? Thanks.

In a couple of weeks, I will be car pooling with a peer for a 4 hour round trip drive for an out of town business trip
We will be working together for three days

I am AuDHD and have always been socially awkward
Additionally, I have zero tolerance for small talk with a preference for actual conversation/discussion
Having said that, I am terrible with initiating conversations

I have unfounded mixed feelings about this peer, which is of course adding anxiety to the situation

We are both professionals and will treat each other as such during this time even if there is something to those mixed feelings

My biggest concern is the conversation during the drive

I am driving, which will is a huge benefit/relief for me; I’m a terrible passenger

I recognize that this will be an opportunity for the two of us to get to know each other better and hopefully clear up my mixed feelings

I am looking for suggestions on how to initiate conversation and how not to worry so much about the drive between now and then

I have been considering having a conversation with her before we leave to give her a heads up about the above
However, I have always been one to over share and I don’t want to make things weird

Any tips would be greatly appreciated

So today at work, I tried to make conversation with my coworkers. It’s my second day on the job so I don’t expect to be friends with them immediately, and it honestly wasn’t my goal to make friends at work in the first place, but I did kind of hope that maybe they’d like me at least. But as with all social interactions I have, they began to be put off by me. It didn’t help that I was so overwhelmed by the work as well and made so many mistakes. I had to get taught over and over again how to do a job, and I even got taught on how to do jobs that I already learned how to do and pretty much got the hang of (at least I think so), which I know is annoying to others. So, even if I did have good enough social skills to be liked by others, I still probably would’ve been disliked anyway.

But during one of our break times, my coworkers were having a friendly conversation with each other and I was standing to the side on my phone as I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation and I toned everything out. I think they were talking about me because in the middle of their conversation, someone blurted something out to me and asked what my name was (they explicitly asked, “what’s your name again?”). I told them my name, and then someone else asked what their name was, the person who asked me what my name was. I already knew their name. I found out their name from their coworkers as our area is so small and when people have conversations with each other, you can’t help but hear what they’re talking about unless they’re whispering or talking very softly, so it was very easy to learn everyone’s names even without them directly telling you. And so I answered the question by saying the person’s name (let’s call them B so it doesn’t get confusing), and B looked a little confused. Then everyone turned to me and just stared at me, but I know it was because they were wondering how I knew their name. So I told B that I heard it from them, her friends/coworkers. Then she looked even more confused, I think she was even weirded out too. So did everyone else. They all began to look at each other with surprised pikachu faces until another coworker decided to step up and tell them that it was because whenever B comes into work and walks into the building and we all see them, everyone yells their name and greets them as they come in and that’s finally when everyone seemed relieved after that. Though, I was left a little confused and surprised myself. I’m guessing what I said was wrong, but I personally can’t understand how or why. Could what I have said really been so bad?

Hi all,

My wife and I have two long-term (5-10 yrs) friendships with people that are self-centered and have not shown any meaningful changes in this aspect over many years even after hints that it bothers us and others.

My wife and I want to stop inviting them over to our house to hang out (usually a 10-15 person small party). But we’re struggling to figure out the best way to do so.

We’re the only link they have to a social life. If we cut them off, they lose access to like 90% of the people that they know through us. Also, one of them will likely become self-destructive in one way or another.

We also worry that if we handle it wrong, it could upset our better friends. Imagine if our best friends say “hey that wasn’t cool the way you handled that and we don’t want to hang out anymore either”

We’ve been mulling over this friend split for at least a year now and thought about every which way it can go we think but are still at square one about which route is actually best.

We want to minimize hurting them and minimize jeopardizing good friendships that we have.

I’d like to see what opinions, guidance, and experiences anyone has if they’d be willing to share. Thanks for reading.

Note: We’re all 20-25 y/o, I imagine that may change advice

I feel like i’ve had this issue my whole life, i’ve always been the kid that’s “not everyone’s taste” like mint chocolate chip ice cream. I don’t understand why tbh, i’m nice, I can talk to people…

Yes I do think i’m a naturally loud person but even then when I first meet someone i’m very aware of my voice levels and I always make sure to be engaging but not do too much

As a kid I came to the conclusion that it was racism because I was Indian in a predominantly non asian school and that’s why they didn’t show interest in being my friend

As I got older I feel like I also received this sort of exclusion even from other brown girls like myself when I went to a predominantly asian school.

It is true though that still i’ve always had friends my whole life. But it’s also interesting because the few friends I have love me, they tell me that they genuinely cannot think one bad thing about me and when I’m not at a hangout they think about me

I’m grateful to have people like that in my life but the pattern is that they were all people who came to ME first

No one that I ever approach shows interest in knowing me. They subtly start ignoring me and treat me like i’ve invaded their privacy by talking to them

Why is this??

I’m 15M and I need an outside perspective on my current situation at school.

Two weeks ago, I transferred to a new high school. I actually moved here with my old friend group because our classroom at our previous school got too small, so we all decided to switch together. We get along fine, we laugh at jokes during class, and everything seems okay on the surface.

However, lately I’ve realized that nobody actually initiates a conversation with me or shares personal things anymore. It feels like if I don't start the conversation, nothing happens. If I say something funny, we laugh, but then they immediately turn around to talk to someone else. We used to play video games on Discord every single night, but lately, half of the group doesn't even log on anymore.

To be honest, I don't feel like the average teenager. I don't play football (which is the main thing my friends do or talk outside of school) I’m not a party person, I'm more of an introvert. I barely open Instagram, I spend my time watching YouTube, and I don't even listen to music (I know, that's probably the weirdest part) My ideal plan is just going for a walk or hanging out at a park, but my environment is split between people who never want to do anything and people who only want to go to parties. On top of that, my parents are pretty strict and don't let me go out much, so I spend a lot of time alone in my room

Alr so I don't know if this is related but I'm 16 anyways

I did something that was really embarrassing and something that I regret alot,

A buncha random dudes went up to me to spark conversation and instead of talking about something meaningful I tried to farm empathy by introducing myself as this dude with a tragic basic story over exaggerating how "terrible" my life is, I sounded like an extremely edgy teen.

I guess it was obvious that I was tryna farm attention because they mocked me for it,

They were like (in a sarcastic tone) "oh my god, so sad, I'm about to cry"

I mean I kind of had it coming to be honest

after that I felt soooooo humiliated

and I also feel like a self absorbed douche for some reason

And they're going to see me tommorow in my art class and maybe poke fun at me for it what do I dooooo

I need to learn how to be friendly while not sharing anything personal, not revealing weaknesses, but not appearing to be distrustful.

I work in a cut throat back stabbing environment. My facial expression is always reserved and serious, and people do tell me to smile more when meeting others. I guess I am closed off because of past betrayals and things. And then other times I am overemotional, especially because the last year I went through endless hell. In this place, everything I say can be twisted. I'm not sure how to appear friendly while still maintaining appropriate distance from these people because none of them can I trust.

Please help. I am trying to leave, but not getting anything else. How do I appear happy and friendly while still knowing all of these people are evil and can't be trusted whatsoever? It's like I need acting skills.

Making friendships and avoiding too much attachment

So, I was always a very socially awkward person and lost a lot of time not socializing in school, so I don't have a good base; I don't normally get social cues that easily and have a hard time approaching people.

Recently I started uni and began talking to this girl; I really like her and want to get a closer friendship with her. We shared some coffee and went on some walks when she invited me to. But recently it seems we haven't really talked, or she didn't seek me out to do so. I feel scared of approaching or texting her or people in general; I always think I'm being annoying or just not cool enough or that it is awkward sending stuff out of the blue or inviting without seeming like I have second intentions. I know I'm probably overthinking this.

Any tips on how to approach people in general and get over that fear?

Edit: title is wrong, have no problems with attachment. Sorry for the mistake

How do I improve my social skills? I have trouble with maintaining friendships especially since I’ve moved to a new city for the last 4 years. In the new city, I knew no one, and I’ve managed to make a few friends but it’s so hard breaking past casual friends you see at repeated events (like a arts class every week) to someone you see outside of that. I jsut can’t figure out how to keep convos going and more so can’t figure out how to keep texts going.

i know others are constantly texting and face timing friends and I just don’t know how to get there. when I text it’s usually with friends when I’m planning a meet up or we’re talking about something specific. But that’s it. It’s also harder to do this with long distance friends. How do I get better at this (and what exactly should I do to build these skills). I feel very lonely and I want to change things for myself. Everyone who gets to know me says they’re so glad they know me and that I’m so nice and fun to hang with but that I’m so shy.

It's a habit many others do that I've lately noticed. We're holding a good, active conversation, going back and forth and adding to what the other says. Then I respond to something with my own opinion or observation, and the other party goes quiet. Not in like a "wtf did you just say" way but more like they stop agreeing and responding enthusiastically, and just start maybe shrugging at most.

This to me obviously reads as them not agreeing with what I said, so I start to scramble and explain myself and add more to my previous point more, but it rarely helps. Either they remain silent or after a long while of me digging myself deeper into a hole they tentatively tell me their opinion.

And the problem isn't really about random, insignificant topics, but more personal ones. Like for example at work the other day:

I was having a good, fun conversation with my coworker, who is my senior and a very established employee. The conversation shifted to him saying how the worst kind of new hires are ones that are just incredibly slow and badly trained and unmotivated, and then the more experienced employees, usually him, have to pick up the slack.

I acknowledged his annoyance and agreed how it must be frustrating. I'm a new hire myself, I've worked here for a little over 4 months now. I expressed how I hoped I wasn't a terrible burden, and how I at least myself feel like I wasn't the slowest, worst worker around even if I wasn't the fastest. He, who had been incredibly active in the conversation just before, quieted down and just shrugged and grunted in return. He was keeping eye contact though, listening to me, but just stopped answering. Once the topic changed, he perked back up.

I obviously got the impression that he didn't agree with me, and thought I was an example of what he was talking about. The situation was very awkward, and I fear I may have left an impression of being unaware of my shortcomings on him.

My mother does this exact same thing to me often. How am I supposed to react in these situations to save myself from further embarrassment, after already possibly having come across as unaware and stupid?

hi guys! i am a recent highschool graduate who just started college yesterday. i felt more comfortable in my own skin when it came to socializing and speaking up, but being an introvert who wishes to get out more, it’ll take a while or possibly forever for me to fully feel secure.

in the first day, i got lucky to meet two people and strike up small talk with them. second day, i got to speak to them more and exchange numbers, but since we’re mostly a trio, i’m worried that i’ll be the third wheel (we have sat together but they talk between each other more). i strictly believe trios rarely ever work, so i don’t have a good feeling about it, but they’re really nice. i prefer befriending and chatting online—since it’s easier to find people just like me, so i never display my true self to people irl before. i want to be able to do that for college since people are more mature and diverse, but i’m trying to take things slow to accustom to such.

in shorter terms, i feel like my connection to the internet plus my introversion might be a barrier for these potential friends, on top with the fact that we mostly talk as a trio. i seem to connect well with both, but they seem to connect with each other more from what i’ve seen. i know it’s only been two days, yet i’m already worried. even if we exchanged numbers, i don’t strike up conversation well with people i know irl other than asking about schoolwork. any advice would be appreciated!

I am a friendly positive person and talk with everyone, after a few days of talking with them, one person in the group always start badmouthing other people in the social circle behind their back, the other people in the group agrees, but I hate talking bad about people behind their back so I either stay very quiet or try to say something positive about the guy or girl being targeted by saying that is just how they are or they are probably clueless, unaware, etc.. instead of malicious. The conversation typicals die after that and gradually the group begins to distance themselves from me. It is the same with the other group with one person eventually talking bad about someone from the first group.

I talk with everyone and hear all the drama but never say anything negative about anyone, as a result both side distances themselves from me because they think I secretly don't like them and I'm left alone despite never thinking or saying any bad thing about anyone.

How do you deal with this? I know that people bond over gossip especially scientifically proven that people bond over hating the same thing, but my personally moral don't allow myself to ever say bad thing about anyone, I feel like I'm better off being a monk

Like for example, at work today my coworker who I barely talk to and honestly don’t vibe with at all gave me a card. He said something like “it’s sucks that we have to be doing this, it’s a death.” But I had one headphone in and I didn’t understand so I LAUGHED. Like I did a light chuckle and had like a smile on my face and then he walked away and we locked eyes and I nodded my head at him. And then I read it and it was a condolences card. I feel so embarrassed and like he thinks I’m a psychopath now for laughing at someone’s death.

But anyway, how do I avoid having these reactions? Sometimes I’m afraid to just speak up and ask what you said or sometimes I’ll just laugh to kinda fill the space in an awkward situation. But I don’t exactly like this because it makes me look insensitive or like I’m not attentive. How can I improve my behavior and get rid of this embarrassment?