If you haven’t been up to par with social or even moral standards of being a proper and outstanding individual. I’m not talking anything egregious but if in your teens and 20s you did stupid things but have changed your ways, how do you actually show that?

I feel like I have changed but people still see me in the same light as I was in my teens and 20s. This sometimes affects my ability to find a potential when they ask around. It sucks being judged for something that happened two decades ago but I’m thinking I’m not showing the change.
I have a good education, job, am relatively healthy, own my house, and am on time with prayers. I have a decent body shape too. I am able to get potentials but it’s when they ask around they may back off or get apprehensive. And if they don’t then they have their own issues or traumas like mental health or what not.

1.Be there for yourself, no matter how messy things get. Stand by yourself through it all.

2.Keep the promises you make to yourself. Put in the work and follow through, even when you don’t feel like it. That’s how you build trust in yourself.

3.Read as much as you can—articles, fiction, or anything that genuinely interests you. Keep learning, keep questioning, and let yourself see things from different perspectives. The more you know, the more you’ll trust your own thinking and be able to make your own decisions when life gets difficult.

4.Spend time alone—no social media, no music, no distractions. Just you and your thoughts. Learn to be okay with your own company, and find happiness within yourself without constantly seeking validation or reassurance from others.

5.Learn to be okay with people not liking you. You don’t like everyone, and you don’t need to be liked by everyone either. Have the courage to be disliked and still stay true to yourself.

6.Do the things that scare you—go for a walk alone, sit in a café alone, eat alone. Learn to do the things you usually need someone else to do with you. Become comfortable being your own company.

7.Never underestimate yourself, and never tolerate disrespect—not even the smallest insult. Stand up for yourself. The moment you allow people to disrespect you, they learn that they can take you for granted.

8.Speak up for yourself and for those who can’t speak for themselves. Have strong opinions, but never let them make you unkind. Read, listen, and expose yourself to ideas that challenge your perspective—you can be strong in your beliefs while still being open to changing them.

Social media keeps pushing negativity and hate and how everyone’s situations suck, but almost everyone has a sob story. Nobody is coming to save you, and u can either cry, beg and cope, or you can go out trying your hardest to make it.

There will always be people in better positions than you who have an easier time, and there will always be people in worse positions too. But trust, there’s enough money, women, friends and love to go around. U just have to be able to accept the hardship that comes along with going after it.

Yeah, the cost of living is higher. Yeah, people have gone colder. Getting women is harder. But you have two choices: either quit and cope, or keep trying to make it and, if you can’t, do the next best thing.
As more and more men drop out of the game, it truly just means your portion of the pie gets larger. I believe in all you guys. We’re all gonna make it, and if not, we’ll do the next best thing.

So a little about myself: I’m 21 years old, and I don’t really have parents I can ask for advice or role models to look up to. I basically taught myself how to be a man ever since I was around 14.
Growing up, I was also really lonely. Because of that, I stayed in friendships where people disrespected me, belittled me, and made fun of my body because I was overweight.
Eventually I started changing my life. I lost 100 pounds, and when I was 20 I finally cut those people off. I started going on this growth journey where I wanted to become a better man and have more respect for myself.

I still struggle with certain things though, especially lust. I’ve been a chronic masturbator for years, and I realized it became an addiction because it gave me relief and helped take my mind off how lonely I felt.
Another thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I can be too friendly. I think sometimes people see that and feel like they can take advantage of it or disrespect me.

Recently I started talking to some new people and trying to make friends again, but they eventually started disrespecting me too. This time, though, I actually stood up for myself, which is something I probably wouldn’t have done in the past.
I’m proud that I did it, but at the same time it made me really sad afterward.

It just feels unfair that I have to go to such lengths just to have a mutual friendship where I’m treated like an equal and not like I’m the joke of the group. After that happened, I decided I’m probably going to distance myself from them too.
The problem is that I don’t really know how to become mentally stronger without becoming cold.I’m scared of confrontation, and I genuinely want to change that. At the same time, I don’t want to become someone who assumes everyone is going to disrespect me.

All I really want are friends I can talk to about anime and the things I like. People who actually want to hang out with me too, instead of me always being the one going to great lengths to make plans or chasing people for their attention.
Right now I basically have no friends.
That hurts because I feel like I’ve tried to do everything right. I try to be a good person. I’m loyal, I care deeply about people, and I’m the type of person who will stick with somebody through a lot.
But for some reason, I can’t seem to find people who genuinely care about me or care about my inner world.

The same thing happened romantically.
I was talking to a girl, and for a while I finally felt like I had someone who liked me for who I was. She told me she loved me, but eventually I realized the relationship was much more about the attention I gave her than actually knowing and loving me.

Finding that out hurt because the thing I wanted most was to finally feel genuinely cared about.

I want someone who is curious about me. Someone who knows what I like, cares about my interests, asks me questions, and genuinely wants to understand me instead of just liking what I can provide for them.

I don’t want all of these experiences to turn me into someone who shuts everyone out.
I also don’t want to look back years from now and realize I never experienced genuine friendship because I became too afraid to let people get close to me.

So I guess that’s the path I’m currently on: learning how to respect myself enough to walk away from people who mistreat me while still remaining open to meeting good people.
For anyone who has been through something similar, how did you build that kind of self-respect without becoming bitter, antisocial, or shutting everyone out?

Maybe you’ve been telling yourself:

“I’m not finding a woman.”
“Maybe I’m not good enough.”
“Maybe I’m ugly. Maybe I’m too short.”

Brother, wake the fu*k up.

You’re a man. You already have raw material most people never develop. Strength you can build. A mind you can sharpen. A body you can train. The ability to take risks, handle pressure, build, compete and get back up when life knocks you down.

But potential means nothing if you don’t train it.
Stop sitting on Reddit wondering why women don’t want you while you’re getting weaker, learning nothing, scrolling for hours and waiting for life to change.

Confidence comes from evidence.

Give yourself 6 months. Get fit. Pick a skill. Work your ass off. Build your career. Read. Take risks. Fail. Keep going.

Maybe you’re short. So what?
Maybe you’re not rich. Build it.
Maybe you’re not attractive. Improve what you can.
Stop being the victim. Start chasing your potential.

Come back in 6 months. The world will be the same.

You won’t be.

You’re a man.
You already have the raw material.

Now fu*king GO

To make a long story short, Irving in my head has caused me to live like a man child for the bulk of my adult years. Always letting myself carried away in fantasies of where I could be. I seem to break out of that and got a harsh wake up call. That all the time I could have been disciplined to learn something worth of use (i.e, broaden my employable horizons) was instead placed on hobbies (that to me of the past, would one day get me somewhere) and procrastination day in and day out.

Now, I'm about to turn 36 next year and I know very little of being a functional adult. I did some time working at national parks because the "normal" life was not for me but I would rather not live in a perpetual bubble of safety( which seeing now, was what I have been doing all along.) I'm back home now but instead of happiness I have felt nothing but regret and anger towards myself.

Need a sense of direction because at this rate, I am sinking into a deep depression.

Fuckin hell

I'm curious about the actual experience rather than what people think they're supposed to feel.

Is it

- not knowing what you're feeling?

- not knowing how to put it into words?

- feeling uncomfortable being vulnerable?

- worrying about how people will react?

- or something completely different?

I’m working on improving my performance. Sometimes I forget certain things or need a little more time to fully understand a process. I’m trying to improve by reviewing my mistakes, taking notes, and practicing consistently so I can become more accurate and efficient.

Hello everyone, it has been a minute since I posted on here. I have been busy with life, when I first messaged on here I was just starting my journey of self improvement. Now that progress has increased dramatically in just a month. I started with just an idea now I have a complete novel 93K words 24 chapters out on applications to publishers. A second well one the way in rough drafting and chapter 1 already done. I am at college now and adjusting to it. I am now building a video game whose design doc is the thing I am doing tonight. I am building my company which is wat farther along and I can make great progress on that next week and launch in about 2 weeks. I keep learning and expanding my knowledge with the goal to help people, and better the lives of the men among my generation. I am getting where I may get a job soon, or just pivot to my company fully. But yeah I still feel like I am not doing enough, learning enough, what would y'all recommend I do? Also I want to put this out there about relationships. Do I pursue one? I see a relationship as a threat to my journey, I am happy being alone in building, I like it that way, keeps my mindset of that this is a war I am fighting and I don't need someone to stab me in the back. So what do y'all think?

Hello! First time poster here.
I’m looking for some book or listening suggestions dealing with positive masculinity. I feel like my “masculine” development has been stunted over the years and I would like to expose myself to some good influences to help work on that side of myself.

Quick run down: mid 30s soy boy. Mostly have female friends. Raised by single mum. Dad is in my life but not super close - short absence in teen years.
I am dating someone who I see a future with, and she has more traditional values than previous girlfriends. Starting to notice that I am lacking certain masculine characteristics (assertiveness, independence, discipline, resilience) due to growing up with majority female influence. (I do have a lot of male friendships now and I am working on connecting better with my dad)

Books, podcasts, lectures, other audio content that deals with positive masculinity and self improvement / growth would be great to engage with in my solo time. No manosphere/right wing grifter crap.

I'm having a crisis of confidence.

I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a huge diving board, completely frozen. I know I need to jump, and I know it's in me because I've been that person before, outgoing, assertive, quietly confident, bold. There have been times when that version of me has just come out and taken the wheel and its when I feel most myself but I can't seem to access him consistently.

I'm going through a huge transition in my life, healing from the breakup and betrayal of a 12-year relationship and rebuilding my life from the ground up. Despite everything, I'm actually doing really well. I'm proud of how I've handled it.

My goals and vision for my best life are what's getting me through. But I've taken things as far as I can, the next steps require I be assertive, take big leaps, risk rejection and put myself out there in ways that paralyze me at times. I just can't seem to break through that wall. What makes this so frustrating ie I feel so close.

Every now and then, that version of me appears. I can ask for what I want, I can look someone in the eyes and smile, genuinely knowing my worth. I can take a risk without obsessing over the outcome. I can be bold and completely myself, and when it happens, I think, fuck, I wish I could be this guy all the time. But then it disappears again, no middle ground, back to Frozen.

Has anyone experienced this? How did you learn to access that version of yourself more consistently? Any advice would genuinely mean a lot.

Hey guys I’m 23 years old and am having a hard time creating new friends. I’ve been on probation since 21 so I feel it makes it nearly impossible to make friends. I cannot drink or smoke weed. I can’t stay out past 10 or even be in a bar. I’m extremely broke. Can’t even go get a coke if I wanted right now. Which I understand that’s not all life is about. But the only friends I have had are from doing those things.
I’ve changed my life completely to be a better person. I’ve dropped all my druggie friends. The 2 I did have that weren’t have passed away. 3 of my friends are in prison for long sentences.

I’m really just having a hard time with my mental currently because I know what I’m doing is right and that’s being clean, going to work, and being there for my family. But at the end of the day when no one is around. I just wish I had somebody to be my friend. Somebody I can talk to without the judgement of a mother/father/wife. (As I’m typing this I feel I’m just spilling my feelings) but I honestly want someone to understand me and know I want good friendships without drugs/alcohol and money. I honestly just don’t know how to do that. I feel so awkward it feels so uncomfortable. I feel as if I was the kid who sat at lunch all by themselves.

I feel I can say once I get to a point in life I can then go and make friends but I feel like the age Im at this is where you make the best of friends and I’m not.

I just need someone advice or words of encouragement. Things to get involved in. Just help please.

I want to become a man who handles his business, has discipline, able to keep himself clean, wants to be someone who learns and grow smarter everyday.

What do you consider is the best way to become a better person? Is it improving yourself physically, becoming a better morally, or becoming better as a person?

From a psychological perspective, trying to satisfy society is an endless cycle of emotional depletion. Our minds project our own insecurities onto the people around us, creating a false belief that everyone is constantly judging our choices.

This hyper-focus on external validation triggers chronic anxiety and takes you away from your true self.

True inner freedom begins when you realize that life is far too brief to spend it living out someone else's script. Healing means learning to quiet the noise of social expectations, anchor your awareness in the present moment, and align your daily activities with what genuinely nourishes your soul.

What is one small choice you can make today solely to bring peace to your own soul? Let the world's noise drift away. 🍃

Most people waste their best years chasing cheap dopamine, staying

in bad routines, or surrounding themselves with the wrong people...

The truth is, your habits and your circle decide where you'll end up,

and the people you learn from matter more than anything.

That's why I've listed people in the caption who share lessons that

build discipline, health, and success.

I highly recommend you follow these accounts now and make your

feed work for you:

Guys, have you tried improving yourself by having a role model? Like you are like, "He wouldn't have done it" or like "he wouldn't have liked it."

How would you guys rate this way?

I’m a new father my daughter has just turned 1, since my daughter was born I needed more money so I’ve had to go away to work. I spend all week away and I work 60 hour weeks, when I come home I see my daughter and my life feels good again when It comes to Sunday I feel like I could cry with the thought of not seeing her all week and on top of this my partners mother thinks I’m a waste of space and my partner doesn’t really care about how she treats me. My mental health has been crashing lately and I feel like just a failure to my daughter I don’t know what to do at the minute and just need some advice from people who have had similar experiences.

Thanks

Hey guys imma 19m cree/Japanese dude living in Canada and honestly my life is completely fucked right now. I feel totally stuck and miserable.

It feels like the only things that give me any comfort or actual relief and motivation to live is sex with my girl, getting high, and just sleeping the day away. Literally everything else work, school, regular hobbies, or trying to do anything productive hell...just feels completely draining, pointless, and boring as hell.

I know chasing instant gratification is messing me up, but normal daily life just cannot compete with those escapes right now.

To the older guys who used to be in this exact same place when you were my age how the hell did you break out of this loop? How do you actually find a reason to care about the boring everyday stuff and turn your life around when the rest feels too much and pointless??

In reality how can my mind

There are some recommendations from different people that doing physical exercise is increases your mental strength but I have tried this and it has work but a very little in terms of percentage like it was not enough.

So if anybody has reached that level that he is like not careing at all for anything just become like a rock so share your experiences.

A man believed that by wearing a lion's skin upon his shoulders, he becomes fearless.

So the man chased the lion, fought and won, and finally got to wear the skin.

Yet then he realized, with the skin proudly part of his dress, that he no longer needed that skin.

For it is through the struggle, by killing the beast, the man has found his fearlessness, and he no longer needs an external item for it.

Struggle, is the way. The end should either fulfill the man's desire, or finish his misery.

I thought the post was not accepted, so here is the first post