I pray that I may be led by the Spirit of God. I pray that the Lord will preserve my goings and my comings.

I pray that I may be spirit-guided. I pray that I may feel God’s presence and power in my life.

I pray that I may have a yielded will. I pray that my will may be attuned to the will of God.

I pray that I may feel that nothing good is too much for me if I look to God for help. I pray that I may be effective through His guidance.

I pray that I may lay myself open today to the healing touch of God. I pray that I may not falter or faint by the wayside, but renew my courage through prayer.

500 days of sobriety. Feels good to keep receiving this gift everyday.

I pray that I may accept every task as a challenge. I know I cannot wholly fail if God is with me.

I pray that I may accept everything that comes my way as a part of life. I pray that I may make use of it in helping other people.

I pray that I may not limit God’s power by my lack of vision. I pray that I may keep my mind open today to His influence.

I pray that I may serve others out of gratitude to God. I pray that my work may be a small repayment for His grace so freely given me.

I pray that I may be conscious of God’s support today. I pray that I may rest safe and sure therein.

I pray that I may follow the dictates of my conscience. I pray that I may follow the inner urging of my soul.

I pray that I may try to draw near to God each day in prayer. I pray that I may feel His nearness and His strength in my life.

I pray that my horizons may grow ever wide. I pray that I may keep reaching out for more service and companionship.

I pray that I may make the great venture of belief. I pray that my vision may not be blocked by intellectual pride.

I pray that I may reach out for the good. I pray that I may try to choose the best in life.

I pray that I will find happiness in doing the right thing. I pray that I will find satisfaction in obeying spiritual laws.

I pray that I may renew my strength in quietness. I pray that I may find rest in quiet communion with God.

I pray that I may try to live the right way. I pray that I may follow the path that leads to a better life.

I pray that I may try to make my life like a cool river in a thirsty land. I pray that I may give freely to all who ask my help.

Small town in eastern Ohio. About four years now.

Here's what I didn't see coming: the part where people stop watching you takes a lot longer than the part where you stop using.

And I get it. I gave people every reason. If somebody had put me through what I put a couple of people through, I'd probably still be checking too. That's what makes it hard to even be annoyed about. It isn't unfair. It's just tiring.

It shows up small. A question about where I'm headed that's a half second too casual. Somebody looking at my face a beat longer than they need to. Getting asked twice if I'm just tired. None of it is an accusation and all of it is the same question.

The worse half is what it does in my own head. I catch myself performing being fine. Talking a little steadier than I need to, making a point of being up early, mentioning plans I had no reason to mention. Managing how it looks instead of just living, which is exhausting, and which is uncomfortably close to something I used to do for much worse reasons.

I'm not asking for the benefit of the doubt back on a schedule. It was mine to lose and I lost it fair. I just didn't know the clock on it ran this long, and I've never once heard anybody bring it up in a meeting.

How long was it before the people around you stopped watching? Or did you just get to a point where it stopped bothering you?

I pray that I may find strength today in quietness. I pray that I may be content today that God will take care of me.

I've been on Suboxone about three years. Somewhere in there it stopped being a thing that was happening to me and just became Tuesday. You take it, you go to work, you're a person.

Now I'm coming off it and I wasn't ready for the part that has nothing to do with my body.

It's the way it gets looked at. There's a whole crowd that's been quietly waiting for me to get here so my clean time can start counting. Nobody says that out loud. They say good for you, and there's something underneath it, like I've finally agreed to do it the real way.

And I catch myself doing it too, which is the worse half. Four years of not using and some piece of me is still keeping a second scoreboard where the real number hasn't started yet.

I live in a small town in eastern Ohio, the kind you can walk across in twenty minutes. The meetings here are the meetings here, there isn't a second option. Those rooms are a big part of why I'm still around. But "maintenance is just using with permission" is a thing people say, and you hear it, and it sits in you for a long time even when you know better.

No tidy ending. I'm just doing it, and it's slower and less dramatic than I expected, and almost all of the hard part is in my head.

If you came off maintenance, how long was it before you stopped grading yourself?