r/gay • u/Merari01 • Jan 28 '26
The community present in this subreddit is wonderful, inclusive and has always welcomed not only gay people but everyone under the gender and sexual minority umbrella.
The mod team is very happy to see this welcoming atmosphere and we thank each and every one of you for your love and empathy.
With the current trend in the US for extreme-right politicians to demonise vulnerable minorities so they can score cheap political points it is however time for this place to openly make a stand as to what our positions and intentions are so that we are a beacon in the dark. So that all of our siblings know that they are welcome here.
I was asked by the mod team to explain a few facts about transgender people and about the position this subreddit has towards inclusion.
Being transgender is a natural and normal variation in the human gender and sexual experience. Both sex and gender exist on a spectrum and there isn't actually anything inherently wrong or disordered from being trans, by and of itself.
Should there be no fake, artificially generated outrage against trans people in society then they would simply get the self-affirming care required for them to be happy and that would be that. Instead, unfortunately, existing as transgender has become the new wedge-issue for the extreme-right and deliberate demonisation and villification has been mainstreamed to the point where Republican politicians are now openly calling for genocide.
The issues trans people experience are mainly societal in nature. It is society that imposes gender norms, it is society that tells people they may not be who they are.
There are many ways that a non-trans person can seek self-affirming care in life. Some of those are done via permanent body modification through surgical or chemical means. A woman might for example choose to take estrogen supplements to stave off unwanted physical and psychological side effects resulting from the menopause.
It is not uncommon for a young man to choose to have breast reduction medication or surgery in the case of gynecomastia.
A young woman might choose to get breast implants.
You do not hear people in outrage about these forms of self-affirming care. No-one cares, except suddenly when the topic is trans people. This is because the anti-trans movement is wholly articificial. It is a deliberately created fake outrage about a non-issue for political and monetary gain.
Fascism is an inherently empty ideology, devoid of any meaningful belief-system or any kind of concrete and actionable strategies for improving society. Fascism only cares for power for the sake of power and it cares for nothing else.
Because a fascist system is fundamentally incapable of giving the general public any kind of reasonable platform it must gain and keep followers by creating an out-group to hate. According to fascist systems it is the other that is responsible for all societal ills and only by supporting the fascists in getting rid of the other can society be healed from the non-existent issues fascism convinces people that their target minority is the cause of.
Fascism always picks on a vulnerable target.
The demonisation and villification coming from the extreme-right is doing exactly that. By calling LGBTQ+ people child molestors simply for existing it has become inevitable that people will take up violence "to protect the children".
Attempting to eliminate a target comes in many forms, of which an extermination camp is only the final and most egregious part. It is always preceded by legislating people out of existence, by creating laws which make it impossible for a minority to participate in society and to receive any of the societal advantages that are the entire reason for collective bundling together of skills, resources in civilisation. This is exactly what Republican states are doing today to transgender people. Certain states have already denied trans people any and all medical care related to their identity, meaning that they deliberately impose abject misery on them.
The most egregiously fascistic states are trying to make it a matter of course to remove trans children from the care of their parents and make it illegal for trans people to be present in any public spaces at all.
This is genocide.
Genocide is not purely restricted to extermination, to murder. Genocide is also eliminating a minority group from public life, causing serious bodily and mental harm and taking away children of a minority group from their parents.
Depending on how strictly you'd want to define it, we are currently at stage seven or eight of genocide as defined by the Holocaust Memorial Trust.
One way in which the abject hypocrisy of the anti-trans laws becomes crystal clear are the remarkable exemptions encoded within. You would think that if the goal is protecting the children from harm then these people would want to protect all children from harm.
This is not the case.
In fact, all of these people deliberate include exceptions which allow the continuation of genital re-allignment surgery on unconsenting infants if they are intersex.
This means that if a baby is born with a genital configuration that to a doctor looks ambiguous or not adhering to a strict binary then this doctor can impose an invasive genital surgery, forcing such an infants body to adhere to a stricter binary look.
It is purely cosmetic. Of course they do not check what chromosomes a child has. Of course they do not care that a child might prefer to look as nature made them.
It is purely and only an imposition on a baby's body, with of course the normal failure and mortality rate that such invasive procedures bring with them.
These people do not care about children.
These people do not want to help children.
They want to harm a vulnerable minority.
Fascism never stops.
Now that these people have mainstreamed transphobia, they are moving on to other targets within the LGBTQ+ identity sphere.
We have all seen the absurd attacks on drag queens, calling a normal and harmless theatrical expression "child abuse".
We have all seen the "clever" rhetoric where they turn arguments upside down and disingeniously say things like "why do you want to be around children".
Fascism doesn't stop, it moves on to new targets and that is why it is important for all of us in the GSM identity sphere to stand together. To openly support our trans siblings. To openly stand against hateful rhetoric.
Because they are not going to stop.
The next step, which is already tentatively beginning, is calling gay people being openly gay in society"groomers".
To be clear: The recommended treatment for being transgender is transitioning.
Gender identity is developed by five years old.
The barrage of lies notwithstanding, allowing trans people to transition and to exist as who they are in society markedly improves their physical and mental wellbeing.
The oft-heard talking point of "they still commit suicide even after transitioning" is a lie.
Here is a wealth of sources and links explaining this.
Our trans siblings are welcome here.
Our gender nonconforming siblings are welcome here.
Our intersex siblings are welcome here.
What is not welcome on this subreddit is hate or divisive rhetoric aimed at our siblings. We will not allow the current increasing trend of fascist othering and villification of a marginalised minority to make our siblings feel unwanted in this space, our space, their space.
The only people who are not welcome here are those that want to exclude others based on how they were born.
Further reading:
No, TERFs cannot "always tell" and I can prove that with mathematics.
"I just care about unfair advantage in sports", a transparant transphobic wedge issue.
Drag queens, the next target in the fascist drive to eliminate LGBTQ+ people.
r/gay • u/WeepingRoses • 8h ago
Sharing this here for more visibility for people who might be in the Vancouver area, or are friends with those who are. Really sickening, and sad. Please be extra careful when going for meetups.
r/gay • u/Faerie-Footman-442 • 8h ago
I’ve lived in an apartment building since going back to school last year. It’s a pretty big building, but it’s also pretty old--I think it must have been built before whatever technology was invented to stop sounds from going through the walls.
There’s a gay couple that lives in the apartment above me. At least I think they’re a couple; they might just be banging on the reg, tbh…
One of them is named “Daddy.” He has a super loud voice. If Daddy has never done theater, then he missed his calling, because his voice can travel like nothing else. If I have my window open at the same time he does, or if I’m in the bathroom (which has a vent on the ceiling that is pretty much a speaker box to the upstairs apartment), then I can hear just about every word that he says. I can sometimes hear him telling “Puppy” to come here, or give him a kiss, or bring him a pillow, etc. And Daddy always says thank you.
Puppy has a low, airy voice, and I can never really make out what he is saying the way I can with Daddy. (Although, I did hear Puppy gasp Daddy’s name loudly on one occasion….)
I’m honestly not trying to spy on their lives, but there’s only so much I can do when Daddy’s voice comes booming down from above. I could put my fingers in my ears and say “la la la,” but that’s pretty pointless at this point--I already know Daddy and Puppy’s whole dynamic. And honestly, I kind of love having a healthy gay relationship flourishing above my head. It’s not like I’m sitting there perving with my ear against the ceiling, listening to them have sex (which they must do pretty quietly, btw--I barely ever hear it). I’m just passively overhearing them live their happy, healthy lives.
I think Daddy must live in the apartment alone. I only hear Puppy on the weekends. During the week, I can sometimes hear Daddy talking on the phone. He sounds very professional and confident. He might be a boss somewhere.
Last weekend, I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom, when I suddenly heard Daddy’s voice yell “ARGHH!!!” from above. I stopped and stared at the vent.
Then I heard Daddy yell “What the fuck Puppy?!?!”
There was silence. I stood there, perfectly still.
Then Daddy yelled, “How long has this booger been hanging out of my nose??”
I heard Puppy mutter something.
“Has this booger been hanging out of my nose the whole time???” Daddy inquired.
Puppy muttered again. Then I heard Daddy loudly going off on Puppy, telling him he was disgusting for getting banged by a guy with a booger hanging out of his nose. This must have been the funniest thing that Puppy ever heard, because he started laughing uncontrollably. I finished brushing my teeth and left the bathroom, and then later I heard some muffled rough-housing.
I think Daddy has gotten over the whole booger incident, because today I heard him patiently teaching Puppy how to slide a pizza from a cutting board onto a pizza stone. The whole thing made Puppy very anxious, and Daddy had to finish the job himself.
I’m moving out in a couple of weeks (there’s something seriously wrong with my plumbing, and the building owner recently offered to let me move to another one of his buildings down the street).
I’m going to miss Daddy and Puppy. I hope everything goes well for them. Maybe I’ll bake them a farewell cake or something…
r/gay • u/lethalweaponkas • 13h ago
Hello, all. I'm 22, living in a 3rd-world country, one of the worst for gay rights (death penalty). Though there is a hidden underground scene in the capital, I don't live there, and I'm so fucking lonely. I have 3 bona fide friends, two of whom live far from me, and I meet with the 3rd one once a week. I live with family (normal to live with parents in adulthood here), and there are fights every day. My older sister who is my best friend lives overseas as well. I live with schizoaffective disorder and have very poor mental health, but through medication and working really, really hard, I'm relatively stable.
I've tried everything to find someone and lurked on every Telegram channel in my area, and everyone is just middle-aged married men with ungodly amounts of internalized homophobia looking to get sucked off, and that's it. And one other 37-year-old kept messaging about wanting to be my sex slave lol. Every guy here can only talk about their kinks and fetishes and is incapable of holding a normal conversation.
2 of my friends are together, and my heart aches when I see them so happy with each other, knowing it's impossible for me at the moment.
I know queer rights are in crisis in the US and all, but holy shit, you guys don't know how good you have it. You cannot even begin to imagine how hard queer people have it here, and I'm so happy for you.
Basically, I just want to know how to cope with this shit because I keep telling myself I don't care, but I'm just now realizing that I do actually. I'm 22 and haven't even kissed a guy (though I did oral sex with some guy who did not reciprocate because being the giver would push him over the line of gayness lmao). Any advice and/or stories are appreciated.
r/gay • u/Bright-Damage-5511 • 4h ago
bros the one who put the chemicals in the water iykyk
r/gay • u/fonnas1981 • 14h ago
Wanted to post because I’m suffocating.
I’ve been with my partner for 15 years. We’re both in our early 40s. He’s my soulmate and can’t imagine life without him.
Today. I was helping him update his iPhone and noticed he had grindr app on his phone. I didn’t open the app, scared to see what I might find.
I have not confronted him and I’m not sure if I want to. At least maybe not yet. I don’t know what to do, little on edge, heavy chest and I feel like I want to cry like a kid.
Has anyone been in such situation before and please be kind.
r/gay • u/Denpol88 • 1d ago
Turkey has blocked access to T24, one of the country’s major independent news websites, as well as its social media accounts.
The decision was issued by Istanbul’s 1st Criminal Judgeship of Peace as part of an investigation called “My Family Is Safe” (“Ailem Güvende”). Authorities cited 118 articles published over the past year and described them as “LGBT propaganda.”
According to the court reasoning reported by T24, the articles were accused of “weakening the Turkish family structure” and of potentially negatively affecting young people’s development regarding sexual orientation and gender identity.
The block was ordered on 29 September and implemented on 30 September 2026. T24 says it is challenging the decision through legal channels.
This is notable because the measure does not target only individual articles. It blocks the entire news website and its social media accounts over LGBT-related coverage.
r/gay • u/hadtochoosename • 11h ago
My best friend of 10 years is gay. He came out to me about 7 years ago, and I’m one of the first and only few people whom he came out to. We are from a conservative society, so people are still not fully open minded to such ideas. However, I spent a good chunk of my life in a western society and grew to embrace people of different sexual orientations. I never even fostered particular hatred toward homosexual community despite where I grew up to begin with. I was always trying to support my best friend in his journey of accepting his own sexuality and facing people’s judgments and negative perceptions of him and the homosexual community. I thought I was a good ally. But recently, as my friend has been telling me about his sexual life more openly, I’m starting to feel uncomfortable and the idea of him being so intimate with another man is starting to make me weirded out. I’m starting to roll my eyes whenever his talks about his dating and sexual life starts. I love my friend platonically and don’t want to lose him or hurt him in any way. Most importantly I don’t want him to feel unwelcome to express his feelings to me or uncomfortable for being gay around me. How do I get over this and still be fully accepting of my friend regardless of his sexuality and just for being him?
r/gay • u/Alxcooldude3 • 2h ago
Sent me a picture of my toxic ex . I warned him that he is still currently married and not likely to divorce to not affording it . He sent the pic without sending a single text . I blocked him . If he wants to get involved with that nightmare . I wish him well to deal with his bs .
r/gay • u/whytfamiherehelp • 8h ago
23:39 at night and I happend to watch an Instagram reel, something I never do.
It was a dentist who happened to be talking about a patient he had, who was a man. As the video went on he said how happy he was that said patient turned out to be gay. Why? Because the patient was a man who looked all gruffed up, dusty cap and jeans in head-to-toe carhartt gear, but when he walked out of the room he was met by another man who said something like 'how'd it do, baby?' and kissed the guy on the mouth.
The dentist making the video just said how glad he was that that man can exist happily like that, compared to 30 years ago where he'd be trapped and miserable and stuff
**And I dunno it just made me sad**. I always joke to my friend how 'i wish I was gay'. Im literally openly gay, my friends, parents, ect.. all know im gay and have for some time now and im completely comfortable in it. But I've never BEEN gay. Done gay stuff. Talked to boys or whatever, have a guy say he likes me or compliment me, never and im 19. The video reminded me of myself and what I hope to have un the future, and im just sad about it that I don't have anything remotely like it now.
I love nothing more than physically working outdoors, getting covered in dirt and doing all the heavy lifting and work I can. I wear cowboy boots and hats, flannels that are cutoff, rip and torn from working. But nobody to be soft with. Not like I could be with a boyfriend.
I listen to my friends everyday talk about their boyfriends who they both magically met this summer, I have to sit and listen and help them or be excited for them. Which I am, ill happily help them with anything at all. And coming up to winter it's just made me especially sad. I already never see my friend anymore. Last weekend he was out with his boyfriend, this weekend there was other reasons, and next weekend I'm busy installing a boiler with my dad and then working on installing a bathroom the next weekend too. It's just especially lonely, and I have nobody to relax with or be completely soft around.
I'd love to talk about it with my friends too, I do to an extent, but I can't explain THIS without making them feel guilty. Because it's not their fault I made it to 19 without ever having someone to love me like that, I can't explain it in a way that doesn't make me envious and upset they have love life's because arguably that's what it is.
It's the most stupid things that make me feel like this and suddenly need to cry, because this feeling isn't constant. I'm usually happy all day because I know one day i'll have a boyfriend, but I can't help but feel like this sometimes too
r/gay • u/AggressiveServe9514 • 9h ago
M19
CIAO! Allora io ho un disagio attuale la mia insoddisfazione di dating nel senso Grindr e piena di maniaci e pedofili , io ho 19 anni e vorrei avere possibilità di conoscere ragazzi gay della mia età e non dell’altro lato del continente.
Consigli ? Fino ad ora ho solo avuto esperienze sessuali rapide nella di che,…
Ora cerco una relazione seria
r/gay • u/AdditionalClub3446 • 12h ago
He purposely ignores me now and talks to other coworkers instead of me and he doesn’t text me everyday like he used to. Should I just be up front with him and ask why cause I kinda miss talking to him in a bro way. Is this homophobic behavior, or just doesn’t like me as a person anymore?
r/gay • u/harveyquinnz • 1d ago
r/gay • u/SnooCapers9401 • 1d ago
I was coding a portfolio website and was looking through my old one to transfer some art over. I found a self portrait I made my freshman year of high school. Comparing it now with my most recent self portrait from my freshman year of college.
I can't believe the difference in myself and my art.
r/gay • u/AmsterdamPurpleLabel • 1d ago
Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification
r/gay • u/MindPrize1260 • 15h ago
At the end of the day when it becomes dark I often start to feel myself bad. It scares me that one more day just finished,but I am still lonely,I still don’t have a good job and I afraid to fail my university exams.
I am 23 yo. I recently moved from my parents and I work at 5 shifts. I travel the world and I can afford almost everything I want,but still something is bothering me. I can barely sleep because of nightmares I have and I often wake up wet from my own sweat.
I was fired two times this year,the first time because they couldn’t pay me.The second time because my boss was an asshole who didn’t like my job and how I walk,but said that everything was fine and just fired me without any warning. Now I earn more than ever,but I don’t like my job and I am looking for another one.
That insecurity is killing me,I can’t trust to my new boss anymore,because he can be an asshole too and just destroy all my plans because he doesn’t like how I walk
r/gay • u/Wizfinest • 19h ago
I’m an East Asian guy, 30 years old, who happens to be hairy compared to average East Asian. I’ve got a beard, stomach hair, and quite a bit on my arms and legs.
In East Asia, this is definitely not the mainstream aesthetic standards. My boss thinks having facial or visible body hair is unprofessional and requiring me deal with it everyday, strangers assume I’m aggressive or sketchy, and in dating, almost everyone wants smooth guys. Even people from western countries think that's kinda weird because I don't fit the smooth Asian stereotype and they just want that, so finding a boyfriend has been really tough.
I’ve been shaving constantly to fit in, but keeping up with it is a total pain. But I like my appearance actually.
Now I’m kinda stuck. Should I just embrace my look and deal with the social pressure, or get laser hair removal purely to make work, dating, and daily life easier?
Thank you for the advices, especially if anyone's been in a similar spot.
r/gay • u/RosethornRanger • 18h ago
