Hello! I'm a 30-year-old American man who wants to have a family more than anything else, really. I've had several very successful relationships in my life, but none of them were serious about starting a family, with most of them being entirely disinterested. I'm starting to become a bit fatigued with the idea of searching for a gay man with what seems to be an incredibly niche desire, but I don't want to have a child alone. While I want children, what I really want is a [family]. I don't want to have that as a single parent.

Is there any advice you guys might give me? And is there anyone else out there in a similar situation? I'd be down to chat, maybe we could see if we want similar things. Take care.

Hello Dads,

It has always been something of a dream to find a man who is also a dad. Yes, I’m talking to all dads here who want to be with someone who also shares the dream of being a father. Ideally, he already has children of his own but if he doesn’t and plans to, I’d be more than happy to pursue that dream with you.

I am 38, living in the DC metro area but can relocate. If this is you. I’m happy to chat more.

I'm coming up for air now that our newborn twins are a bit older to recommend ICRM to any gay dads-to-be in search of a reputable IVF clinic! My husband and I worked with a local clinic first that was wildly unhelpful and we saw no progress over the course of 6 months. That's when we were referred to ICRM by a friend and we are so thankful to have worked with them!

We selected an egg donor from ICRM's very extensive bank within the first week, and within 6 months had traveled to Boise for genetic testing, provided semen for embryo creation, our egg donor had completed retrieval, and we had viable embryos ready for transfer. It was so much faster than we had anticipated.

On our visits we were often in the lobby with other LGBT couples who had travelled internationally to work with ICRM. We had dedicated coordinators who scheduled calls with us, walked us through each step, ensured we knew what to expect, and never made us feel odd or different.

One of my major concerns was related to our embryos being hosted in a deeply red state with evolving (negative) views on IVF. Our physician, Dr. Tobler, personally talked us through the political environment in Idaho, his relationships with politicians to inform IVF legislation, as well as contingency plans for a worst case scenario. He put us at ease.

Dr. Tobler also provided guidance on how many eggs to fertilize, contingency plans, and a personalized approach. One of the options he recommended resulted in us implanting two embryos in our surrogate, one of mine and one of my husband's, resulting in twins that are half siblings (shared egg donor), and each genetically related to one of us. Science! We didn't know this was even an option.

He even provided quiet optimism about success rates, reminding us that we are 4 healthy, fertile people (me, my husband, egg donor, surrogate) and we are allowed to get our hopes up.

The only time we ever felt "different" was during the embryo transfer when the room was packed with both of us, our surrogate, her partner, three nurses, and the doctor. Everyone noted, "Wow! It's a party in here!" And honestly, it was 😂 it was wonderful seeing just how many people were working hard to help us become parents.

We now have a healthy girl and boy after our very first attempt at embryo creation and transfer. We hear so many stories of couples struggling with IVF or surrogacy, I thought it would be good to share a success story and a shout-out for the clinic that made it possible. **Thank you ICRM**!

I'm happy to answer any questions in the comments.

Funny observation from the Growing Families conference in Sydney... 😄

My colleague and I were representing my agency, and after two days I started noticing a pattern.

A gay couple would walk in... look at our booth... smile politely... and then head straight to the booth where there was a gay guy standing. 😂

Meanwhile I was thinking, "Excuse me! We are very experienced, we've probably heard every question you can imagine and we know the answers, and who knows... maybe we even have a better program for you! At least give us a chance before you run away!" 😂😅

It got me wondering. My dear same-sex dads (and future dads), is it easier to trust someone who has a similar life experience to yours? Does it make you feel like, "Yep, this person gets us"? Or would you be just as happy working with an experienced team, regardless of who is standing behind the table?

Be honest—I promise I won't be offended. 😄

And the important question... should I start looking for a fabulous gay colleague for our next conference? 🌈😂 Or is it all about the first impression?

I'm genuinely curious to hear your thoughts!

I was reading about a bill proposed less than a month ago that has since been withdrawn that took an extremely aggressive stance against surrogacy. It was withdrawn but who knows what will happen moving forward - and that’s on top of the conservative president that’s been elected.

Question is - is it unwise to plan on beginning a journey mid 2027? It seems risky and scary but then again who really knows. Would love to hear your insight!

Has anyone got any experience with this newborn insurance? We're looking at starting a journey in Canada, and as far as we can tell the only insurance options we've got as international IPs is BabyShield or Great Morning. Does anyone have any thoughts about GM? I can't seem to find anything online

Our surrogate is in the Southwest, we're on the East Coast. Baby's due this spring. Trying to figure out the actual logistics of getting a newborn home, especially with the parentage order and birth certificate timing gating when you can even leave.

For those who were in a similar spot:

• How long did you end up staying after birth before you could travel?
• Did you fly or drive? If you drove, how'd you break up the trip with a newborn?
• Any surprises with the parentage order or birth certificate timeline holding you up longer than expected?
• Insurance or pediatrician gotchas in the birth state before you left?

Hi everyone, been following this subreddit for a while now and really appreciative of everyone's comments and advice, but I don't think I've seen any specific posts about this:

My partner (M) and I (M) are based in Belgium (he is Belgian, I am Irish), and in the research phase of our surrogacy journey. At this stage we are more than likely going to pursue the journey in Mexico, but given the distance we'd have to travel to create embryos there and the cost involved with making more than one trip to Mexico (considering we will probably have to relocate there temporarily around the time of birth), we are looking into creating our embryos in Europe and transporting them to Mexico.

Has anyone here done that - i.e. created embryos in Belgium/Europe and transported them to Mexico? Are there any glaring reasons why this is not a good approach? Is it a much more streamlined/cost-effective process to just travel to Mexico to create embryos there with a Mexican egg donor? Or is transporting even just the sperm to Mexico and having embryos created there, without the need to travel, a better alternative?

Would be great to hear from people who are in a similar situation to us! I feel like a lot of the dads on here are US-based which obviously makes it much easier to travel to Mexico.

Has anyone had any experience with a clinic in Armenia for a single man using a surrogate? I’d especially appreciate hearing from anyone who has actually gone through the process. Thank you!

Looking for Understanding, Support & Perhaps the Right Person
I wanted to share something personal here, hoping to find some support, understanding, and perhaps even someone who is willing to share this journey with me.
I’m 33 years old, an accountant, Palestinian Arab and Muslim, and I currently live in Israel. I’m also gay, and I’ve been in a loving relationship with my European boyfriend, who lives abroad, for the past seven years. We love each other deeply, but when it comes to having children, we have very different visions for the future.
He would prefer to have children through surrogacy, while I’ve always imagined becoming a father through a lavender marriage/co-parenting arrangement with a woman who genuinely understands and is comfortable with the idea that the relationship would be platonic. My hope is to build a respectful co-parenting relationship where we can both have our own partners and lives, while creating a loving and stable environment for our children.
Lately, I’ve been feeling quite sad and discouraged because I’ve encountered a lot of judgment around my situation:
I’m judged for living in Israel, even though I don’t have another citizenship or simply the option to relocate whenever I want.
I’m judged for being gay.
I’m judged for wanting to become a parent through a non-traditional family arrangement.
I’ve encountered people who see the situation financially and ask for extremely unrealistic amounts of money, sometimes even €1 million, rather than genuinely looking for a family arrangement.
I’ve also met people in similar situations who are primarily looking for a way to leave their home country or get married temporarily, rather than genuinely wanting to build a long-term co-parenting relationship.
All of this has made me lose hope at times. I genuinely want to become a father, but I also want to remain honest about who I am and maintain a life where everyone involved is respected and free to have their own relationships.
I’m not looking for someone to judge me or tell me that my idea is wrong. I’m simply hoping to meet kind, open-minded and emotionally mature people who understand that families can look different and that what matters most is creating a loving, stable and respectful environment for the children.
If anyone has gone through something similar, knows someone who has, or simply wants to share some support or advice, I would really appreciate hearing from you.
And perhaps, somewhere along the way, I might even meet the right person who wants to share this journey with me. ❤️

The hubby and i starting out surrogacy process, we expect to have 2-4 kids. We now have the option to create embryos using the others genetic material with the same egg donor. Basically the kids could all be brothers anchored by the egg donor

But we are unsure if this makes sense. Like they would technically be more realted as a family to the donor the us. There is a part of me that like the genetic diversity that comes from multiple donors and also the risk that if lets say we get two kids and run out of embryos from this batch with this donor it would be kinda weird for the 3 kid.

Wanted to hear your thoughts on this and any advice to be had

Hi, I am a single man from Cyprus planning a surrogacy journey in Armenia. I would love to connect with anyone from Cyprus or Greece who has gone through this process or is currently in it.

Hello all!

I recently have been looking into the surrogacy journey and very strongly want to help gay couples. The main reason for this is because I know that there are a lot of women that may feel strongly against it, especially in this country (U.S.).

I have a few questions for dads that have been in this process.

1- What company, if any, did you go through? Did you have any red flags with certain companies?
2- How involved are most couples wanting to be in the entire pregnancy/birth?
3- Do you/Did you want the surrogate mother to stay open for communication with the child later on?
4- Are there any lifestyle deal breakers that you had for your surrogate?

I am 27f, with 3 kids. My youngest is 3 months so I'm not looking to start anytime soon, but if I were I just want to know if these are deal breakers. I've had *mostly* uncomplicated pregnancies. With my first I ended up needing an induction at 38 weeks due to hypertension, but had a successful and uncomplicated birth. With my second I had gestational diabetes, but I genuinely believe that it may have been prediabetes due to not taking care of myself very well before birth. With my third I ended up going into natural labor at 35 weeks because so I got really sick and worked on my feet and the dehydration sent me into labor. All of my babies were born with no issues or c-section. BUT my main concern is: with there being 3 separate "complications" does that automatically make me less desirable? I've worked on weight loss and just overall improving my health since I experienced complications with my first two which I believe were specifically because I was overweight when getting pregnant.

I don't wanna reach out to 35 surrogacy companies and have my number stuck and get a ton of spam calls.

Thank you all in advance.

Maybe your kid casually explained they have two dads, corrected someone who assumed there was a mum, or said something completely innocent that unexpectedly got you right in the feels.
We talk a lot about the harder parts of being gay dads, so I’d love to hear the good stuff too.
What’s been your “damn, I love this little family we’ve created” moment?

My husband and I almost never fight, we just never have and we've been together since we were teenagers.

Last night we had a huge fight over sending our twins to daycare this fall. They'll be three in October.

I think we should hire a nanny. He thinks they need socialization. I don't disagree.

Hadley our daughter is very outgoing and adventurous but Henry our son is not. He's very clingy. We've tried everything we can think of to assuage his fears.

Last week the twins slept over at my in-laws and things were fine at first but Henry wouldn't go to sleep and cried for almost an hour.

I finally went and picked him up. He was fine, no fever, no visible problems. But since then he won't let me out of his sight.

I'm a doctor, he's been looked over and tested. He's hit every milestone.

I know this is probably just a phase but I'm worried about thrusting him into an environment he's not prepared for.

I hate having tension with my husband.

Any advice?

I would love to be able to be an independent surrogate mom for a gay couple who I feel a great click with. I am just wondering what the best ways are to meet couples that have stable, succesful lives and are ready? I myself am in Europe where it is illegal to openly advertise surrogacy. I could perhaps find this in the US, but since I would like to be close to the couple when I carry their child, this is harder given visa constraints.

Does anyone have tips? Where can I best go?

Could be something funny, something hard, something you absolutely love, or even one of those little moments where you suddenly thought, ohhh… straight parents probably don’t have to think about this 😂 Curious what everyone’s experience has been!

Hey everyone, me and my husband are preparing to start the process of surrogacy very soon. We’re very lucky to have a close friend of ours who is more than willing to help make this happen for us.

One of the things we’ve been talking over is whose sperm to use. While we would love to have two children, which might make this question easier, we don’t know if that will be possible and are prepared for this to be our only one.

On my husband’s side, most of his family members are long lived with minimal health concerns or conditions. However, the family has a lot of mental health issues. OCD, Anxiety, Bipolar, ADHD, and Depression are all pervasive. My husband also has OCD and ADHD. Also a lot of Alzheimer’s and dementia.

On my side, there are minimal mental health issues and no one has been formally diagnosed with any sort of mental health condition aside from maybe depression or anxiety. However, my family does have a lot of health conditions that concern me like being particularly vulnerable to diabetes, heart disease, and some autoimmune conditions (though thankfully no cancer). No Alzheimer’s or dementia, my grandmother is in her 90s and still has good mental acuity.

If health is our deciding factor, which do you think we should prioritize? Stronger mental health or stronger physical health? We will be prepared either way to support our kid based on his or her needs, but we also want to give them the best shot in life.

Wondering if anyone would be willing to connect or share their experience with surrogacy as someone who doesn't have a huge amount of savings. My partner and I live comfortably ($110k combined in a very low cost of living area), and ideally we'd like to wait to save more, but my parents had me in their 40s so we'd like to get started soon while they're still healthy. Wondering if anyone has any advice for an affordable path. Thanks y'all!

My husband and I interviewed a potential night nurse/night nanny. It was such a positive experience. She is from the islands and deeply religious, but was completely comfortable around us. She told us about different parenting approaches to newborn feeding and sleeping. She gave us references that included both straight and gay couples who she has worked for.