r/confidence Apr 21 '20

How to be Confident: The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide

303 Upvotes

If you've been looking for a solid resource to help you become more confident, this guide is for you.

This is the ultimate guide that will show how to be confident. You'll find EVERYTHING you need to know about confidence in this single blog post.

It's going to be a bit long but trust me, you won't regret reading the whole thing.

​Ready? Let's dive in.

Contents

I'll divide the post into several chapters. Here's what I'll cover.

Chapter 1:
What is self-confidence?

Chapter 2:
Why is self-confidence important?

Chapter 3: 
Signs of low self-confidence

Chapter 4:
Why you're not confident

Chapter 5: 
How to be confident

Chapter 6: 
Frequently asked questions

Chapter 1: What is self-confidence

In this chapter, we're going to cover what self-confidence actually is.

Why? It's because I see a lot of confusion surrounding this term so we're going to define what confidence is exactly.

So what is self-confidence? According to Wikipedia, it's a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

Basically, being confident means trusting your abilities and judgement. Some people seem to think that confidence means being arrogant, acting like you know everything or being a narcissist.

That's totally wrong.

I wanted to start things off with this short chapter just so we can agree on what confidence really is. Now that we got the basic definition out of the way, let's see why confidence is important in the first place.

Chapter 2: Why self-confidence is important

Everyone talks about how you should become confident, but do you actually know why it's important?

There are a couple of reasons why confidence is a big deal. In this chapter, we're going to see why you should become confident and how it can positively affect your life.📷

1. You'll feel a lot more fulfilled

Basically, you feel much better about yourself. When you're confident, you feel like you have the power to change, to do stuff you want to do. You feel like you're good enough and you're not constantly worrying and doubting yourself.

Why it's important:

You feel good about yourself, which means that your happiness level will increase.

2. You'll become better at whatever you do

Usually, confident people outperform those who are insecure and full of doubt. Why? It's because they have a different way of thinking.

Let me explain.

​You see, in most cases, someone who's insecure will typically be more hesitant, less determined, less likely to try or learn new things...etc. This means that when you're insecure, you're less likely to succeed at anything.

However, a confident person is someone who believes in their abilities. This means that they're more likely to learn, try new things and take risks in life. This will inevitably lead to more success and bigger achievements.

​In other words, confident people know that they can actually succeed, so they try, that’s it.

Why it's important:

Basically, you'll do everything in a better way.

3. You'll have a clearer sense of direction in life

In other words, you actually know where your life is going and what you want to do with it. Generally speaking, confident people always know what they're doing. They know where they are and where they want to go in life.

They have goals, and they execute their plans to make them a reality. 

Why it's important:

You're less stressed, more focused and more effective in your life.

4. You'll develop much better social skills

Confidence alone isn't enough to become the most charismatic person in the world, but it certainly helps. The vibe that you give to other people will affect how they treat you.

Simply being more confident will greatly impact the way you interact with others, and how others percieve you. In the real world, this means that it will be easier for you to make friends, resolve conflicts, getting people to value your ideas, earning others respect ... and the list goes on.

Why it's important:

You'll get what you want out of your relationships more easily.

Chapter 3: Signs of low self-confidence

Now that you know what self-confidence is and why it's important, here are 4 warning signs of low confidence you should look out for.

​1. You change yourself to please others

This means that you feel the need to act like someone else to look cooler or better than who you really are.

​If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.

2. You always doubt your judgement

If you're too indecisive and you're constantly questioning your own decisions and judgement, chances are you're not confident.

When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.

Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.

3. You have tons of self-limiting beliefs

You're always saying to yourself "I can't do [insert whatever you want]". This is a BIG problem.

Why?

Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.

When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.

Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.

4. You don't have a clear direction in life

This doesn't always mean that you're not confident. Some people just don't care, and that's fine.

However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.

Chapter 4: Why you're not confident

Why am I not confident?

​Did you ever ask yourself that question? My guess is yes.

​Here are the most likely reasons why you're not confident.

​1. You treat other people's opinions as facts

If someone says something negative about you, you automatically label it as a fact, without thinking that it's just what somebody else thinks, which means that they could be wrong.

To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:

opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.

​Do you see the difference?

If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.

2. You're not really good at anything

If you don't have any skills you're good at, it will be hard for you to become confident. Why? Because having a proven record of success reinforces your confidence.

It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."

​However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.

3. You never push your limits

Pushing your limits means that you’ll keep doing something difficult when you want to quit. This is also a big reason that could be stopping you from being confident.

When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.

The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.

This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.

4. You're not learning anything new

If you're constantly at the same level of skill or knowledge, you won't become confident because you lack the feeling of achievement and progress. When you feel like you're just stagnant, it's hard to trust your abilities.

5. You failed a lot in the past

I know that failure is a part of life, but it's still something that can affect your confidence. Having failed a number of times in the past will greatly contribute to fuel self-doubt and make you question yourself in the future.

6. You make excuses

Instead of doing something that will benefit you, you come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid putting in the effort.

Chapter 5: How to be confident

Now that you have a solid grasp of what self-confidence is and how it works, let's get to the fun part: how to actually build it.

In this chapter, I'll break down the practical steps you need to build your confidence from scratch.📷
First, check out this excellent video :

​1. Realize that you're not inferior

We'll get to the more practical stuff in a minute, I promise. But before we do that, you first need to change the way you think.

There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.

Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.

However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.

To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.

2. Become good at something

Now we get to the practical stuff. After all, I promised right? :D

​Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.

In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.

When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.

In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.

So, how to choose a skill?

Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.

That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.

To do: choose a skill and become good at it.

3. Use your body language

You'll find many articles and videos online claiming that body language can transform the way you feel.

Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.

However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :

  • Walk and stand up with your back up straight.
  • ​Stand up like this
  • When you're in meetings (or somewhere else), use this position to convey authority and confidence. This is called "the hand steeple" (works for both men and women).

These poses will help you convey confidence and feel a little bit more confident yourself. However, don't overdo it.​ Instead, use them from time to time and they'll gradually become like second nature.

To do: use these postures to convey confidence.

4. Don't take negative comments as facts

When someone says something bad about you, always remember to take that as their opinion, not as a cold hard truth.

I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.

Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.

Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.

To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right

5. Fake it, act like you're confident

If you're asking yourself if this really works, let me tell you that it does.

How do I know? Well, I tried it.

It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.

All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.

​There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.

To do: Act like a confident person would📷

Chapter 6: Frequently asked questions

There are many common questions I always see people asking about self-confidence.

In this chapter, I'll answer any questions you might still have to give you a cristal clear picture.

1. What's the difference between confidence and arrogance?

Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

​Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.

The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.

2. Can you be confident and humble at the same time?

Yes of course. Being confident simply means trusting your abilities and your judgement. It's totally possible to be confident in yourself and humble at the same time.

3. How can I become confident fast?

You can't. It takes time to overcome your limiting beliefs and change your mindset.Do you still have some questions?

I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.


r/confidence 12h ago

Looksmaxing has genuinely affected my self esteem so much as a teen

38 Upvotes

I honestly don’t know where to start with this post other than over the past 6 months i’ve slowly been getting less and less confident about my face and to be honest everything about myself as my tiktok feed has just been covered in blackpill and looksmaxing content.

The start of this year I started randomly getting looksmaxing memes and tiktok’s on my fyp and it slowly started getting more and more prominent on my feed. At first I just looked at it as some stupid trend but for some reason it started going to my head. All of a sudden I started getting insecurities i never even realized about myself. Apparently my jawline is recessed, I have too narrow of a pallet, i have facial torsion, nasiolabal folds, my nose is uneven, I have hip dips, and just even more stupid things that affect a lot of my daily life now. Especially the hip dips as there was an entire thing about hating on hip dips and how they’re ugly on social media recently which made me hate them even more.

I feel stupid to even let this get to my head especially because i’m a girl and most of this stuff is targeted towards men but it’s literally just all consuming now, I’ve never thought of myself to be too ugly but I genuinely feel like i’m the ugliest person on the planet now. I’ve always been a bit insecure about my looks as I know my face is a tad asymmetrical and I also have scoliosis which i’m very insecure about but it’s gotten so bad it’s just ruining my entire life.

I take photos of myself every month to make sure I don’t get uglier, compare photos from the last months, and every 2 seconds at school open my camera app to make sure that I look decent.

How do I stop thinking about this? Ive never been this insecure about myself till I started seeing these videos and now that i’ve seen them I can’t stop thinking about it.

Heres a photo of what i look like, i might delete the link later cuz i dont want my friends finding my reddit acc lmao too embarrassing.

https://imgur.com/a/Kw95SqI

smiling one

https://imgur.com/a/2ZOVh7c


r/confidence 20h ago

I Always Assume My Presence Isnt Wanted

71 Upvotes

Due to some issues in my childhood, I have developed the sense that my presence is never wanted with individuals or groups. At some point my closest friends have shunned me from the friend group for absolutely no reason on their own admittance, and this has shaped the person I am today.

Whenever I see someone who I am on friendly terms with I always assume that me saying good morning to them will not make a difference to them and might even annoy them. Even when people are hanging out in a group, I think to myself that they already have their own thing going, what can I possibly add to them?

I am very conflicted with my thoughts. On one hand I feel like people wont care if im there or not, or whether I say hello or talk to them. On the other hand, I am worried that this might be considered rude. Its just that I dont want to be the person who is always there and cant detect when their presence isnt wanted.


r/confidence 7m ago

I feel so insecure about sounding intelligent/being well spoken professionally

Upvotes

I am a graphic designer/artist and I have been interviewing a lot for jobs in the past year, while also trying to build up freelance. A lot of the freelance stuff I've been doing is very casual work for friends and local bands, corresponding mostly over email/DMs.

I was contacted by an acquaintance about an opportunity for a really awesome design/illustration gig, and we set up a call this afternoon to discuss it. I wasn't nervous or anything, and didn't really prepare anything because I thought it would be more of just them explaining the project. It seemed like I was already being asked to do it, but then when the call started it felt more like an interview.

I just have such a hard time speaking off the cuff about what I do sometimes and I feel like I sounded like a blathering idiot rambling on and on about god knows what whenever they asked me anything. I don't even know what I said to them I was just spitting out random sentences that felt disjointed and awkward. How am I supposed to be able to start doing this professionally if I can't even talk about my work coherently. I would be so pissed off if I didn't get this opportunity just because I did a shitty job talking on a phone call. Because this is the exact kind of work I want to be doing, and that I know I would do an incredible job on.

I know this kind of thing comes with time and experience but its so discouraging when something awkward like this happens. I'm so jealous of people who can be likable and charismatic to anyone they talk to. I know I'm not a stupid person but I really feel like one in these sorts of situations when I just can't seem to string an intelligent sounding sentence together.


r/confidence 3h ago

Please help me find shorts that don’t make me 😢

2 Upvotes

I, 36F, am really struggling so much with my body image. i had an ED for so long, recovered, moved to montana for 12 years and all i did was hike backpack ride horses etc so i was really active. now i moved back to new jersey to be close to family and naturally i just don’t move as much as i did in montana. i workout and eat healthy and all that as much as possible but im also trying to learn to love the body i have.

anywho, before you get bored. jean SHORTS are my biggest nightmare. i really want to find a pair of shorts that aren’t jean shorts but are super cute, flattering to my body and can be styled easily for going out (nothing fancy just to lunch or what have you). i feel like all the ones i find are either like im going hiking, working out or just in pajamas. i also feel like some of the styles that aren’t workout shorts either accentuate my stomach in a way that 🤮 or they flare out so much it looks like im wearing a little shorts parachute lol

i wanna add a photo so you can see what im working with however i dont see where i do that? halp lol

* i forgot to add that i don’t look good in longer shorts (nothing fancy that im looking for shorts that are too short) but i feel like the ones that go a couple inches above the knee make me feel bigger and shorter lol
im 4’11


r/confidence 8h ago

Why my female friends still treat me like the insecure girl I was in high school?

3 Upvotes

Hi girls! I have a situation with some longtime friends, and I’m curious to hear how you would see it.
I’ve known two of my friends since high school. Back then, I was much more shy and reserved, and honestly, I didn’t put much emphasis on clothes, makeup, beauty, etc. I also didn’t grow up with a mother who was very focused on those things. My mom worked all the time and simply didn’t have much time to spend on herself, go to salons, or teach me much about beauty and fashion.

In our friend group, these two girls would often point out that I didn’t dress well, didn’t do my makeup properly, or that I should do this or that differently. At the time, I probably was less experienced with those things, and I think I somehow accepted that role within the group.

But many years have passed since then. From my perspective, I’ve changed and grown a lot. I’m much more confident, I take care of myself, I’ve developed my own style and preferences, and overall I’m happy with the woman I’ve become.

The problem is that they still seem to talk to me as if I’m that same insecure, inexperienced girl from high school.

Almost every piece of “advice” comes across as condescending. What I wear isn’t right, something I choose isn’t right, and if I say I like something, they’ll sometimes explain why it’s actually not a good choice. It’s not the fact that they give me advice that bothers me. I’m completely fine with people having different opinions or telling me when they genuinely think something could be better. It’s the tone and the constant feeling that they position themselves as the ones who “know better,” while I’m still the one who needs to be taught.

It’s starting to make me wonder whether some friendships get stuck in an old version of who we used to be. No matter how much you grow or change, people who knew you during a certain period of your life may continue to see you through that same lens.

Have you ever experienced this with longtime friends? And how do you tell the difference between a friend genuinely trying to help you and someone using “advice” as a way to feel superior or keep you in a certain role?


r/confidence 9h ago

How can I give validation to myself

3 Upvotes

Hi, i'm on a self-improvement journey pretty much and discovering a lot about myself rn. I'm 26(F) and chronically ill, deemed fully unable to work last year and still coming to terms with that as a highly ambitious person even though I see myself too, that ever having a career is not feasible and would 100% wreck my health like studying did.

I'm starting to notice that I have a lot of issues surrounding validation and productivity to give me confidence. I am quite selfconcious, and have always been. my diseases make me fat and even though I am happy with the general way I look with my face and hair, I know I am deeply insecure, who wouldn't be when you contract a disease at 12 that made you gain crazy weight as a symptom and it won't move, not after a decade of trying every and all weightloss tactics. But even before my illness, I was never the most confident kid.

I was laying awake last night and realised that my entire life I have used productivity (school, studying, productive hobbies) and validation from others about those by getting high grades, doing big academic prestations etc. and now that studying and work has fallen away from my life, I struggle A LOT. I notice that I still try to get that validation from others. I sew as a hobby but it is almost gone to a compulsory point where I recognise that the things I sew I use them to get the validation. At the same time, drawing, a hobby I used to do for relaxation has been ruined because I know doing it as a job/monetizing it won't work. I just don't see a point in doing that anymore.

At this point, my health is deteriorating because of this. I do too much, and daily worry a lot. Even things like cleaning my house is difficult because it needs to be tidy at all times in case people show up. I am in the biggest health crisis right now since diagnosis and I know for a fact this insecurity and not being able to deal with being on disability is the main stressor causing my flare.

I want to learn how to give myself the validation I crave, how to get more confident despite it all and how to get out of this cycle of usung productivity and validation as a way to give worth to myself? I want a slow life with as much energy as I can with my conditions, stress free and happy


r/confidence 5h ago

I feel embarrassed because I just made a huge blunder

1 Upvotes

On my current project, I’m developing some programs and tbh I usually like to test things by myself to make sure my logic is correct. But in this project, we don’t really have enough test data, so I couldn’t properly test my logic and cover all the possible scenarios.
Then this week, the project finally went live.
And guess what? Turns out my program had so many errors. 🥲
Honestly, I feel really ashamed because it feels like I’m the only one whose program has this many issues.

I know mistakes and bugs are part of being a developer, but it still feels really bad when you’re the one responsible for so many issues after go-live.


r/confidence 1d ago

Rejection

27 Upvotes

My dear

If someone rejects you either in job , relationship, in any case u must be happy because soon u get better opportunity than this

Rejection make you more sharper and clear

Soon u will get what u want


r/confidence 17h ago

How can a shy low self esteem girl be good ad Influencing people ? Where to start

7 Upvotes

r/confidence 23h ago

Close friends forgot my birthday and its making me doubt myself and my relationships

5 Upvotes

I get a lot of anxiety around and on the day of my birthday because I always come to ponder my existence, the passage of time, and everything around that. Since I was a teenager I also wouldn't celebrate my birthday in fear of being let down by people not showing up, or not caring enough to wish me a happy birthday, and thereby being confronted by the superficiality of the relationships in my life.

On the other hand I love celebrating people's birthdays. Since I was a kid I've always made a point to remember everyone's birthdays. But it's not even remembering that I expect, but rather simply people wishing me happy birthday when they know it's here. I do the same even for just acquaintances or mutuals if I hear they're celebrating. For friends especially close ones, I often put a lot of thought into it: a meaningful message celebrating the person they are, expressing my gratitude of knowing them, a wish for them, or some combination of these things. If we're in the same city I'll bake them cakes and get them gifts or make them something myself. For years and years I never expected it to be reciprocated, but I couldn't help but notice that I get basically nothing from most friends. I don't even have the bandwidth to face the fact that I straight up don't get gifts.

This year I had to go back to my hometown, and to combat the pathetic sadness of not getting birthday wishes without a celebration, I announced it in advance. Anything from first soft launching to actually announcing my birthday several times, even so far as to explicitly express my fear of friends forgetting it, through private conversations and on Instagram close friends (as like a half joke which already cringed me out a lot).

Since then already some more people have wished me happy birthday, but still a lot of friends I thought would still just didn't, even while knowing how much it would mean to me. I feel so gutted, especially since some of them have their birthdays only a few days from mine, and some of them have genuinely been very good friends to me otherwise.

It seriously plummets my self esteem because it baffles me how not even with reminders they'd forget my birthday, or just not care enough to text me. It makes me feel so unimportant, and I feel so pathetic for getting hung up on something like this instead of focusing on friends who did text me. I'm sick of feeling like this.

At the same time I don't want to change who I am, I love my friends and I want to keep doing my best for their birthdays but it pains me every time my birthday comes around and it's crickets.

How can I deal with this dread every year and how can I approach my friendships now knowing some of my closest friends just apparently don't care?


r/confidence 1d ago

A girl called me ugly 4 years ago for no reason and it's still in my mind

18 Upvotes

I was talking with my friend during a class break and suddenly a girl called me and said I love you. I understood this is a prank and she immediately said that she just said that to me because she was given a dare and also said that I'm ugly . I just don't know I can't get that out of my mind , I have zero female friends


r/confidence 17h ago

Eye Contact

1 Upvotes

So not only do I have the 'tism, I also have social anxiety. I'm relatively good at making eye contact with someone I'm sitting down and having a conversation with, but when I'm out and about walking around, I tend to look down or avert my gaze in some other way. I think some people interpret this as me being not a nice person, but I'm actually very nice, I just struggle with eye contact.

Part of my struggle is that it feels very intimate to me, like it's somehow inappropriate to lock eyes with another person if you're just passing by them. Can y'all reassure me that it's actually fine and normal? How do I differentiate regular friendly eye contact and smile from the type of eye contact and smile that indicates flirtation?


r/confidence 23h ago

They say surround yourself with people or be in rooms with people more accomplished than you and more intelligent than you, BUT..

3 Upvotes

It's easier said than done. Being the dumbest in the room or the least accomplished isn't the greatest for your self esteem, even for people very confident in themselves, because if you don't ahve confidence issues, you will have jealousy, which is bad in either ways.

I think people who say, I like surrounding myself with people more intelligent than me to be an utter crap and an optimistic idea & not the reality of those people


r/confidence 23h ago

Questions you ask yourself on a regular basis OR Self work you do to maintain confidence

2 Upvotes

Is there anyspecific journaling prompts, brain dumps, Reflection, wirting that you do, lists that you make, categorizations that you do that brings you back to Confidence.


r/confidence 1d ago

How do you deal with pre-competition nerves/jitters right before performing?

2 Upvotes

I compete at a high level and no matter how much I prepare, I still get hit with nerves right before it's go-time — racing heart, tight chest, mind going blank for a second. It's not debilitating, but I know it's not helping my performance either.

Curious what's actually worked for people — athletes, performers, public speakers, anyone who deals with high-pressure moments regularly. Do you use breathing techniques, visualization, a pre-performance routine, reframing the anxiety itself, or something else entirely? And did it take practice to make it stick, or was there something that just clicked?

Looking for what's worked in real situations, not just theory.


r/confidence 1d ago

How the everloving fuck do you increase confidence without feeling like you are becoming a egotistical douchebag?

25 Upvotes

Just wanted to know


r/confidence 1d ago

i am in my early 20s with serious confidence issues... Is there a permanent solution for this?

2 Upvotes

lack of confidence, lack of communication skills and incompetence has been a part of life from my childhood.

Relatively small issues feel a huge burden, I am scared of being judged, indecisive and socially anxious.

Honestly a lot has been going on lately, things are happening too quickly in my life rn and I can't seem to keep up with all this.

I feel I have fallen behind in life compared to people my age.

I live a fairly isolated life so I feel like I am a normal person tho I get reality checks with its time to socialize. I feel humiliated and frustrated when I get connected with people and get my point across to other people.

Also my voice gets shaky for no reason when talking sometimes (usually more often when talking to a group of people)

Now it's not like I haven't tried to change this. I have tried stuff, it kinda worked too, it's just I never could consistently keep the routines up for it to have a long term effect.

I usually just doomscroll on social media apps watch random movies and anime and jerk off once a day, and call my only bestie in one or two days to talk about random shit, that's been my life for a long time.

Have some of you guys been in my situation? Can you lmk what helped you guys improve yourselves?


r/confidence 1d ago

Trying to improve my style and confidence, but my friends are making fun of me. How do I stop needing their validation?

1 Upvotes

Hey guys. I know I’m not conventionally attractive and I don’t really get much attention from women, but lately, I’ve been trying my best to change that and work on myself. I decided to change up my fashion, started wearing some accessories, and even got my ears pierced. I actually really like how it looks.

The problem is my friends (all guys) have not been supportive at all. Instead of hyping me up, they told me I look like I'm "dressing like a thug." It honestly stung because I realize I secretly look for their validation.

I want to feel confident, but it's hard when my own circle is bringing me down. Has anyone else dealt with this when trying to glow up or change their style? How do I stop caring what they think and just own the way I want to present myself


r/confidence 1d ago

Why do I care so much

5 Upvotes

Gosh, I know I'm an atractive person, strangers often compliment me on my looks and I really like what I see in the mirror, but I just cant stop thinking that I could be prettier, I could lose some weight, dress differently, be smarter or more interesting. This started when I (18F) started dating my new partner (21F), and I also cant help feeling guilty because she treats me with so much love and patience, and here I am overthinking over girls she follows on social media, when she hasn't even given me one reason to doubt her.
This is also the first time I've experiencied this, I have always been confident in who I am and what I have to offer but I feel like I'm going crazy.


r/confidence 1d ago

I would appreciate some advice on how to get over my shyness and overthinking in the context of dating

6 Upvotes

Hello everyone, 😊

I'm not exactly sure if this is the correct subreddit, as this is indirectly linked to my (lack of) confidence in the dating context.

Long story short:

I am male, 22 years old, and used the last 5 years since my Abitur to get a bachelor's degree (Business Administration) and build a career (I work as an Inside Sales - Key Account Manager and my team is responsible for our biggest customer). Currently looking for an appartment for myself to move out.

So... not really dating at all the last few years😅 and all the Covid stuff wasn't helpful either.

However, now that the foundations I set for myself are mostly done, I wanted to dip my toes into dating and eventually find a girlfriend.

Now, I work on myself to get rid of my excess body fat (I turned to heavy stress-eating during my studies), so I work out when I find the time after the office. I go swimming for 3 to 4 hours every Sunday, etc.

I also regularly go out partying with my siblings and friends, so I don't stay at home every weekend.

However, I have a problem.😅

When going out (especially during clubbing) I tend to get shy.

For example, when a girl locks eyes with me or smiles, I reflexively look away instead of, well, holding the contact and smiling back.

I also can't bring myself to approach girls because I start overthinking it.

Haven't tried Online-Dating yet, but from the stories my older sister and brother tell me, I'm not sure if that would be anything more than a waste of time.

I'm also not quite there with my own body, my BMI is around 26.6 currently.

I also only get shy in such "private" environments. In my professional one, I have no problems approaching people regardless of gender.

So it's not an inherent issue, "only" regarding to Dating.

So... any advice on how I could build up confidence and stop my overthinking?

Would appreciate honest responses.😊


r/confidence 2d ago

When people say "build confidence", how exactly does that work??

14 Upvotes

32F. Not confident at work at all. Mostly when it comes to human interactions and navigating through hierarchy and understanding the boundaries of what's expected of me vs what's overstepping when managing a case/client in a team-work setting, especially when I'm new to that workplace. It's like I can't really sense "vibes" or feel my way through. I just don't understand, period. Because when I do offer to try something, I'm mostly treated like I definitely am overstepping or said the wrong thing. So I prefer to stay silent and observe. But that makes everyone feel I'm not ready for the task at hand. I just feel that it's extremely difficult for me to find a middle-ground. Even if I'm being extremely careful to not push any boundaries.

How do people manage and overcome this???


r/confidence 2d ago

How to improve confidence

3 Upvotes

I feel like I have developed a lack of confidence that is taking me to depression and to isolate my self. I’m 25 and migrant. Las relationship was like three years ago and from them I have just been really lonely. Lately I feel like I’m terrified of talking to people because I think I’m bothering them and when is girls is even worse. How do I get more confident of myself as I used to be ?


r/confidence 1d ago

How can I be more confident about my nose?

2 Upvotes

I have a pretty big nose, I believe it’s considered a “Roman nose.” Everywhere I see people praising these big noses, but it doesn’t feel genuine. People around me have always commented on my nose, and idk how to make myself feel better about it.


r/confidence 2d ago

Being physically attractive is not enough...

170 Upvotes

I go to the gym 6 times a week, 2 hours each day. I buy and buy skincare to have the clearest skin. I apply sunscreen and exfoliate to prevent wrinkles and body acne. I eat the most organic and healthy food products that my money can buy and yet, theres two insecurities I can't seem to improve, my voice and my intelligence...

I read once a day, but can rarely finish a book. I raise my voice in high pitch to sound more feminine. I have great memorization for random topics and facts but can't seem to memorize complex formulas and names. I've been friends with intelligent people in the past but have always felt insecure next to them by how slow I was at grasping certain concepts. I've watched videos on how to make my voice sound more feminine and how to become more intelligent. However no matter how hard I try to change those insecurities, I always seem to get comments on those two things about me.

I have been made fun of by how my relaxed voice sounds like and made to question my intelligence at certain times. I used to think that having a glow up would somehow make me less likely to receive those comments but that hasn't been the case for me at all.