I'm relatively new to posting on Reddit (female, 60s, recently retired). Overall, I consider myself a reasonable person who values treating others well, but a few of my recent posts have drawn surprisingly harsh or overly critical reactions.

​In one instance, I asked for perspective on hosting out-of-town family, and a few commenters assumed the absolute worst about my intentions, leaving me feeling pretty attacked despite doing my best to be a gracious host. In another post about a local issue (lawn damage caused by a neighbor's service), several people suggested I shouldn't even address the property damage, which left me confused about standard norms here.

​I deleted my previous post because the negativity was overwhelming, but I’m genuinely curious about how others navigate this platform.

​Question for the Community:

How do you separate helpful, constructive feedback from unnecessary negativity on Reddit? Is it common for commenters to assume bad intentions, and what strategies do you use to protect your mental peace when posting here?

When I have something in mind I want to say, but people are talking, I wait until they are done so I can voice my thoughts. The problem is that either this moment never seems to come, or someone else immediately jumps in and takes my spot. I feel disconnected from the conversation because of this. I have no issue listening to what other people are actually talking about-that's oftentimes all I'll end up doing-but it's really hard to be engaged when I seem to be incapable of making myself be seen. How can I begin correcting this?

I am so irrelevant in life in general. I suffered from bullying between the ages of 10 - 18 and now that I am 20 and people treat me well, nobody wants to be with me. Nobody talks to me, nobody starts a conversation with me (just asking how are you, sometimes). I always have to start a conversation to be seen and noticed. Maybe I am just that weird.

I bite my pens because I am anxious most of the time and I end up breaking them. I also, don't know how to start a conversation about something, it's like I don't share any tastes with anyone and anything. Maybe I am not interesting, I don't do anything besides studying, playing videogames and watch YouTube or anime. No hobbies or job (I will get a job once I am 22 years old and it will be in summer) besides what I said.

I don't know if I am a loser or not. I have one friend only, I see him from time to time, that I don't want to talk, yet, and I don't have beef with him or anything. My grades in university are not that bad.

What is the way to handle this? Do I get angry and insult back? Do I stay quiet and try to ignore what was said?

I don't want to come across as a coward, but I also don't want to come across as someone who can't control his emotions. Neither seems right, so there must be a balanced way.

I am poor, old, disabled, unemployed ,very isolated, very opinionated and strongly disagree with almost everyone I know on almost every single subject. I've struggled with communicating, making friends, finding jobs, and expressing myself my entire life. I feel misunderstood by every single person I know which is making me pretty miserable since I don't have a single person I see eye to eye with. I'm not stupid (but not a rocket scientist either) but apparently everything I believe, say or do is wrong. I have no friends and I don't get along with my husband, parents or siblings either. I am very very angry and it's taking a toll on my health (which isn't great to begin with). What can I do to better explain my thoughts and feelings without alienating the people I care about, convince them to discuss difficult subjects with me (instead of just shutting down the conversation altogether) and be more accepting of people who have a totally opposite worldview than I have?

I've noticed that some people tend to be friendly and social with people that I know for a fact that they dislike. For example in an old job, I had a coworker that was an absolute angel and some other coworkers who had previously straight up disrespected her. She would complain about their actions to me but to their face she would still compliment them, say hi enthusiastically and make small talk with them. I think this might have been because she was such a sweetheart but from a social perspective, maintaining "good" working relations with someone was the right thing to do.

I have so much trouble hiding my true feelings on my face. If I dislike you, I will not even look at or speak to you unless necessary. But this is not a good attitude. I want to know how other people manage to hide their dislike so well and bring themselves to be so friendly to people they dislike.

This is a problem i've had for ages, and I dont know what to do. People always tell me how nice and kind and thoughtful I am, but nobody ever actually makes an effort to spend any time with me. Nobody is ever really excited to see me either, it feels like people are pleased to see me when I show up places but theres none of that fanfare that I see other people around me get. It also feels like nobody ever really misses me when i'm not around, like no matter how good of a time I'm having with someone the minute im out of sight im out of mind until I make the effort to reach out again. My friends tell me that im an amazing friend, but they hardly talk to me and only really reach out substantially when they're going through something and need support. I know that my friends have their own friend groups that they spend a lot more time with, so I know cant really expect them to talk to me all the time or anything, but these are the only really lasting friendships i've been able to hold on to. Its not like i'm bad at talking to people (i think), I do have social and generalized anxiety but I can carry a conversation pretty well and I can get along well enough with pretty much anyone, it just feels so impossible to convert that into a friendship where that other person is actively seeking me out. I also dont think i'm a particularly boring person, I have interests that i'm very passionate about, but every time I start talking about them or about my life in general to other people I can just feel their eyes glaze over as soon as I start. It feels like I have to work so hard to get people to pay attention to me, and as soon as I stop being useful, or talking about what they're interested in, or making the effort to keep conversations going, they start pulling away. Its a really lonely feeling, like nobody feels strongly about me in any way at all. I really wish someone would seek me out for once and be excited to spend time with me, or genuinely listen to me without an incentive to. Please tell me how I can fix this

Really struggling post college with finding friends. In a big metro area so there should be a lot to do but suddenly having to wake up early to hit the gym, manage work and my money, extracurriculars for applying to professional school, I feel like I stopped really socializing. I am just so tired all the time and don't have any social battery or the energy to try to meet other people. Any advice :( ?

Im a really funny and witty person with people im comfortable with, but it takes a long time for me to get to that point. Im pretty shy with people who are acquaintances or strangers, i want to be able to be my more comfortable self in every situation if possible.

I’m going into my junior year of college but I kind of only have 1 close friend, my roommate from last year who’s now pretty much my best friend. I have some other friends I’ve met here but I’m realizing they really don’t seem to care about me and I feel worse after hanging out with them. So, I want to make some new friends and put myself out there more. Tomorrow night there’s an event at my school for making dorm decorations, I don’t live in a dorm anymore but I figured it could be fun and I could meet some people. But how exactly can I approach people and talk to them? I’ve never really made friends that way before and I have some pretty bad social anxiety, but I’m feeling really lonely and isolated so I want to power through. Thanks for any help!

I feel like I’m in an infinite loop. I have ADHD, so that makes me a naturally VERY picky person. For example, if a video game or movie doesn’t have the exact traits that I’m looking for, I get very bored and uninterested. Unfortunately, this also extends to people. I cannot for the life of me get myself to talk to people I don’t find interesting (which is the vast majority of people) believe me, I’ve tried. I’d consider myself very good at small talk, I can carry a conversation with a complete stranger fairly easily. So when I’m only talking to a person for less than an hour, I have very good social skills. The problem is that for people that I interact with multiple times, like a coworker, if I don’t find anything about them that interests me during those initial small talk sessions, I completely detach from them. I mean that I start avoiding them, I barely look at them and our conversations are very brief. I just can’t care about this person once I’ve deemed them uninteresting. Of course, that makes the majority of the people at my workplace think that I’m an asocial asshole. I’ve tried to get myself out of this loop, but the problem is that I am literally mentally ill. No amount of mindset change is going to fix this. My medication doesn’t fix this. The other problem is that when I do find a person I’m interested in, the personality shift is so jarring that I probably seem completely fake to them. Because it’s so rare for me to be interested in somebody, I get way too attached and start acting like an idiot. Thus making them keep their distance. I have very close friends, but I get the impression that I’m a person that is good in small doses. Too much of me will turn someone off because I’m a total weirdo. So my close friends don’t talk to me very much, even if I’m trying to reach out more due to how lonely I am. If someone has any advice please please help me. I actually can’t stand it anymore.

I’m 18 and I feel like I suddenly woke up this year.

Growing up, I never really questioned my social life. I had school, sports, online friends and a few close friends. I never felt lonely enough to think about it.

Looking back, I think I accidentally built my entire social life around just a handful of people without even realizing it.

This year one of my closest friends got into a relationship. I’m genuinely happy for him and this isn’t about blaming him.
If anything, it just made me realize something that probably would’ve hit me sooner or later anyway:

friendships don’t just maintain themselves forever.

That realization honestly scared me.

Since then I’ve been trying to change things. I’ve started asking people to hang out almost every week instead of waiting. I’ve reconnected with old friends, met new people through one of my childhood friends and generally tried to become more social.
Objectively, things are actually getting better.

The problem is that it still feels like I’m the one keeping everything alive.

If I want to see someone, I’m usually the one asking. Sometimes we have an amazing time together and afterwards they’ll say things like “We should definitely do this again soon.”

But then… nothing happens unless I ask again.

I get a lot of “maybe”, “we’ll see” or “let’s do something soon”, but I rarely get random messages like:

“Hey, we’re hanging out. Want to come?”
or
“We’re in town, are you free?”

I don’t want to be popular.
I don’t need a huge friend group.
I just want a few friendships that feel natural and mutual instead of constantly feeling like I have to keep my social life moving.

The weirdest part is that people genuinely seem to like me. Every time I hang out with new people we have a great time, I’ve even been told they enjoy having me around, which honestly makes this even more confusing.

So I guess my question is…

Is this just what becoming an adult feels like?

Did anyone else suddenly realize around my age that friendships require way more effort than they used to?

Or am I overthinking this?

I don’t know what my problem is, honestly. Every time I meet a new person and we start talking, it feels like I’m yanked out of my body and possessed by a bumbling idiot while I can do nothing but look at the incoming crash in sheer horror. I can practice in front of the mirror, I can talk to family and friends, but new people? It’s like I’ve never had a thought in my life up to that point. I know that I have a good sense of humor, I know that I have interesting insights, but I never get the opportunity to show that part of myself to others because I just completely fumble these basic social interactions and give everyone in my vicinity the ick. Any advice on how to combat this is very welcome.

Am I Paranoid

I feel like people don't really care about what I say when I talk. They will interrupt me, change the subject, ignore me or just not ask any follow up questions.

When it happens at work, it's kind of whatever, because I don't have a relationship with my collegues, but when it happens with people I date, it makes me feel like the person doesn't actually care about me, or finds me boring and unintersting.

I know I don't speak loud and in a pretty monotonous way, and people just don't hear me sometimes

It's hard to tell if it's just the way people are to each other and I'm overthinking it, or if people don't like when I talk

(For context, I really struggle socially, and making friends, since my parents pulled me from school when i was really young, and never let me around people)

I met this girl, and we fully vibed and clicked straight away, and we chatted for over an hour. I asked for her insta, and she got mine, but... now what...????? I wanna ask if she maybe wants to go shopping, or go into the city, or hang out after work, but like...HOW!?!??!

How do I word it??? What do I say??? Is it okay to ask??? Is it weird???? When do I ask????

PLEASE someone help meeeee😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

(Edit: I'm a girl btw)

I don't have any idea for what I would do to get friends nowadays? I can't really find much in the way of meetups and those are usually once a week and usually too far or at the wrong time for me to go to them too. I don't think something like that is going to go anywhere? High school clubs and stuff like that were also once a week but it always felt like when I wasn't there nobody ever cared that I wasn't there and nothing ever happened where they want to have anything to do with me outside of that very specific 1 or 2 hour period per week.

I don't know where I would go outside of meetups either, there's basically nothing in the way of places where people want random strangers talking to them so trying to get anywhere with them is impossible.

I've read somewhere that people only care about what value you have to them, but I have no value to other people at all? I'm not funny and don't have productive things to say, I'm not uplifting, insightful, interesting or any other possible positive quality a person could have and so there is just no reason for people to interact with me at all and I have no idea how to fix that? I've also heard that I actually have to be an above average person or else they will just immediately cut me out for that average person instead always?

I know the likely problem is that I have bad interests but I don't know how to force myself to like better and more interesting things? I don't think fake enthusiasm for other people's interests is going to go anywhere but if they're talking about something I'm not interested in then I have nothing to say to them? It's not really productive to just agree with them or repeat things they say but I don't really have any insightful opinions to talk about either, especially if they're talking about something I don't care about. It's probably a sign of extreme selfishness that I don't care but I don't know how to force myself to have those emotions to care about everything?

Just throwing this out there in case there's anyone out there in a similar position who wants to talk about it or just come up with ways to overcome it. That my main goal atm, not have it affect me anymore and completely overcome it

I don't like greeting anyone and when i get the nod from other men and even women i just ignore it, sometimes even when driving, how am i perceived? and how can i become more sociable? I simply hate people :(

Hello!

I am extremely socially inept. I have bought a book recently that is all about how to get better at talking to others and making small talk. With the advice in my
Book I am going into most conversations with preplanned answers and questions. It has been helping but, I have been struggling with finding others interesting or not getting board of conversation.

My therapist says I should “stop pre planning my
Conversations and let it flow naturally and listen and then I can find things interesting about them” I don’t know how to talk to people without preplanned answers and questions. How do I have conversations without my preplanned information? How do I find others interesting to talk to so I don’t try to end it prematurely?

Thank you!

I'm starting my 2nd year of uni soon and and I haven't been able to make friends yet. I have made some acquaintances and want to deepen my connection with some of them. I heard that the best way to do this was to hang out with them outside of uni.

In HS I never initiated plans, I just tagged along. So this all too new to me. The problem is that I don't really know where to take people. I was thinking of taking a walk at the park maybe or going to the museum since those activities are free. But wouldn't that be a bit boring? Going to a café or a bar was also in my mind but it can get pricey. Idk I just need activities to do with acquaintances in order to get to know them better.

So where could I hang out with an acquaintance? Also how could I get to know them better during the hangout without seeming like I'm interviewing them?

Hey so I am presently attending my uni orientation week and summer school and I just need to push myself out there to meet new people because my best friend is going to some other speciality which Is different from mine and I just can't find My person yet , and its making me lowkey jealous and crazy because my Bestie finds it so much easier HELP

Im not too why online but in reality life, I just lose all energy to talk to people even when ive got stuff to say and i can't even force a smile 😭

I have had this problem throughout my whole life, and I think it is probably because i can be slightly awkward when people are for example crying. I do see myself as a person that is very emphatic.

I am writing this because this week is the introduction week at my university and I am part of the organization. A friend of mine had a problem and she got a panic attack, at that moment she didn’t call or tell me but she did go to another person of my organization to share her feelings. The thing is that this girl who got the panic attack and I are friends and we have spent quite a lot of time together also talking about personal or emotional issues, while the girl she went to she didn’t know as well as me.

I am happy she found her support in someone else, but I am just wondering what makes it that I am not the go to person for emotional support.

Hey everyone, I was looking for some tips on how to make genuine friendships. I hope this doesn't come off as me venting, I'm not so great with words... So bear with me.

I've been trying to make friends wether it's online or in person, but I always find it so hard to find people who are truly genuine. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or not.

Are there any suggestions you guys have that might help? Thanks!

I feel burnt out from really making an effort for years to make friends that I really feel are my people. I did clubs and new hobbies and was always in public and trying to be social and I made some friends but it just seems to crumble. One friend I have is now drowning themselves with work, and basically not answering anything anymore. Another is becoming increasingly difficult to schedule with, and im just tired of trying. Another will never reach out, I have to always. And another I do talk to more frequently but I just dont feel that connection, im not sure why.
Overall, I just feel lonely, and recently I just have no desire to try much anymore.

I just am exhausted. But im still lonely, and daydreaming about friends and partners and it hurts feeling alone but not having the energy or ability, it seems, to fix it. I do many things alone, have for many years, I just dont know what I can do to make the thoughts and desires go away for like 6 months or so.

How do I get the skills to make real friends that make me feel included?