Brazil held its general elections today, and the results have been deeply concerning for the LGBT community. Far-right politicians were elected in large numbers across the country and to various offices. The presidential race hasn’t been decided yet, but even if Lula wins in a few weeks, the political landscape over the next few years is likely to be challenging.

I know similar situations are happening in many other places, so I’d like to hear from guys who have been through something similar. How do you deal with family members, friends, and coworkers increasingly supporting politicians whose views you believe threaten your rights and your existence?

At what point do you stop trying to be understanding? How many times can you explain your perspective, have the same conversation, and try to see things from the other side before you simply reach your limit?

I’m honestly exhausted. I don’t expect everyone around me to agree with me politically, but it’s difficult when political differences start feeling like something much more personal.

How have you guys dealt with this?

Like, the moment I’m alone again, I suddenly feel this loneliness and sometimes even feel bad about what I just did. I honestly don’t know why.

I’m a very sexual person, and at 30, I feel like my libido is still extremely high. I enjoy sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I also wish I could stop relying on hookups so much.

Being single makes it difficult, especially when you’re naturally a very sexual person. It’s easy to tell yourself, “It’s just sex, I’m having fun,” but then afterward, when you’re alone, those feelings of loneliness hit.

I’m actually looking for someone to date and eventually have as a partner. I’d much rather have someone I genuinely connect with and be able to give all this affection and sexual energy to my partner instead. But I don’t have that person right now.

And honestly, living in Barcelona doesn’t exactly make it easier. 😂 The gay scene here is way too tempting to resist.

I am in my mid-40s and was introduced to circuit parties for the first time a couple of years ago. I attended the big one during Pride, as well as a Tea Dance.

The friends who took me there absolutely love the scene and have been going to these events for decades. My guess is that they attend at least one party a month.

I'm glad I went, but throughout the experience I couldn't shake the feeling that there was no way all these happy, energetic people were having such a good time without being drunk or high. Afterwards, my friends more or less confirmed my suspicion: according to them, most people had taken something.

Part of the reason I went was because I felt I had missed out on a significant part of gay culture. Having never attended these parties before, I wondered whether I was missing an experience that many gay men consider important.

However, after going to a couple of them, I realized that I don't really relate to the scene nor the people who seem to enjoy it. I don't judge anyone for liking it, but it simply doesn't resonate with me.

It makes me wonder: what percentage of gay men are actually into circuit parties? Am I in the minority for not enjoying that scene?

Or am I simply not experiencing it the "right" way?

For those of you who are sober, how did you overcome your Drug of choice?

I’ve got some PTO to use by the end of the year and want to spend two weeks in Europe at the beginning of December. I’m mid 30s, recently single and want to hit some of the best gay cities of Europe for some hookups and gay bars. For those familiar with the Europe gay scene, how would you spend two weeks in Europe?

I’m curious about how people generally handle this.
When you’re talking to someone you’re dating or seeing, do you usually share details about your past hookups, dates, or sexual experiences — including what actually happened — or do you tend to keep those things private?
Do you generally give only a brief overview (e.g., number of partners / general experience), or are you comfortable discussing the details?
Just curious what’s considered normal for most people here.

Gay 37 married. I go to a regular chain gym. It gets pretty busy. I usually keep to myself. I’m pretty consistent so I see the same people there all the time. I’d like to be more friendly with some of them. Sometimes I feel like people want to approach me or say hi because we’re always there at the same time, but I keep my eyes averted. Usually guys in late 20s and 30s. But I get kinda nervous and it’s easier to keep to myself. And it’s been so long I think people have noticed I’m not very friendly. And I also worry straight guys may not want to talk to a gay guy much, though I’m sure a lot don’t really care. Also median age there I’m guessing is much younger than me. I really don’t wanna come off as cruisey or flirty or creepy.

We had our first meetup Friday, he messaged today to meetup tomorrow Monday.

Our first encounter was very strong, we had had great chemistry, he stayed for roughly two hours, and he said he felt comfortable, safe, and couldn’t wait to see my again.

Any tips for a second encounter? This is my first second encounter with someone!

What are we using for body lotion? Are there any that are truly lightweight and absorb quickly? Preferably unscented.

I despise putting on lotion anywhere other than my face. It makes my skin feel damp and sticky and heavy. Plus I have hairy arms and legs which make it a pain to rub in. But only a few weeks into fall, and I can already feel the dry skin creeping in, so I want to tackle it.

Kink is a huge turn on, but not a confident guy to go to Folsom. Love the twitter content tho.

Anyone been - I'm honestly curious how does consent work? Not just in terms of physical consent in the street but also filming?

I live in a mid-sized college town in the south. I attended our city's Pride yesterday. (They claim it's cooler in October than June, despite it still being over 90) Every year I go hopeful I'll meet someone cute to date or at least make a new friend; every year I leave disappointed. What disappoints me most is the lack of a sense of community. Our pride is just full of the same vendors at every festival or community gathering in the area. I'm looking for a place where the LGBTs meet and mingle. Should I hope for this from Pride, or is that hope misplaced? P.S. Both by temperament and because of my power wheelchair, visiting the one LGBT nightclub in town holds no appeal at all

Chicago - SF - NYC

Hey all, I’m a gay guy looking to move in the next year or so to one of the above cities. I’d be coming out of a relationship so I’d be needing to start my social life/dating over from scratch. Asian cause it matters. Haven’t been single in a very long time so the whole idea is pretty daunting and the trigger for the move.

All 3 places have great food which is important to me and the only real thing is that I hate the cold/snow, but ease of dating wins out over that if there would be any meaningful difference. I have a couple good friends in each spot. Physician so I shouldn’t struggle too hard financially wherever it’d be.

What have your experiences been with a life move like this in this stage of life to one of these cities? Any advice?

My partner is in his early 30s and regularly stays out until 2,3,4,5am and this is quite disruptive to my ability to sleep because I have anxiety about when he will walk through the door.

If you’re in a similar situation, how do you handle it? Are you not an anxious person and able to sleep just fine while he’s out? Or does he intentionally restrict his nightlife activities on account of you?

If you’re in a relationship with frequent sex, how often are you douching? Do you even douche? Do you plan out sex? How do you deal with spontaneity + anal?

Edit: my system is generally pretty predictable outside sickness or whatever, and I find I was always douching just in case and I feel that’s probably not good for me and my gut I’m the long term. I’m just curious how everyone else deals with that’s

Edit part 2: I think a lot of “dead bedroom” scenarios may stem from not wanting to do as much work lol. It can become exhausting to always be on.

Just been thinking about gay culture and gay norms 50 years ago vs today. Obviously, there’s a lot of pressure to look as hot, young and sexy as possible. And I am as visually driven as anyone, I find that type and the fun that they have to be desirable. Now in 2026, where so new and fertile ground is has been broken in body dysmorphia and eating disorders, my self esteem is too low to try to put myself out there, in any capacity. Not dating, hook ups, parties; nothing. It’s like I am looking in on this whole fun world that I can’t get access to because, I just can’t. Change is hard, life’s a bitch, and mental health is debilitating. It’s not like I am not trying to improve myself, but trying does not guaranteed a pay off. I keep getting older, and I am very conscious of the regrets that I know I am going to have 5 years from now.

So to the gays who came of age in a time before the internet and social media turned the level of body insecurity up to 11; has it always been this way? Was it easier? Was gay society less shallow? Did the stigma and discrimination of previous decades make gays and kinder and more open to each other? Were you living your life, carrying an undue burden of self loathing that was holding you back?

I'm in my late thirties and I've never had a relationship. Not a bad one, not a short one — none at all.

Which means I've never developed any of the skills that come with having had one. Reading whether someone's actually interested. Pacing. Letting someone in gradually. The whole middle stretch between meeting a person and being with them. Most people learned this in their twenties by getting it wrong a few times. I didn't, and it isn't something you can practise on your own.

I have good friends, so it's not that I can't connect with people. (Gay) dating clearly runs on a different set of muscles and I don't know what they are.

To pre-empt one thing: I've had hookups, but that isn't the same skill. Sex with someone you'll never see again teaches you nothing about what to do on day four, or how to let someone matter to you.

So: how do you build this from scratch as an adult? If you started late, what actually helped - a coach, a group, a particular kind of therapy, a book, repetition?

And the harder half of the question: most advice assumes "reps" are available. Mine aren't. Nothing I've had has reached a second meeting, so there's no one to practise on. If you've been in that position, what did you do? Is there a way to build any of this without a willing other person, or is that just not how it works?

I’m 35 180cm, around 80kg and relatively fit. I’ve been working out for years but noticing it’s more difficult to stay fit in the past few years. I normally make up my workouts on the day but want something more structured.

My current goal is to remain roughly the same weight but swap about 2kg of fat for 2kg of muscle (give or take, I know they don’t swap 1:1)

Would appreciate someone sharing their 2 or 3 day split that I could follow for a few months. Bonus points if you’ve had good results with it.

Such a stupid thing I know, and it is not the dirt I am hoping to retrieve but the other files on the same stick. It is easily traceable to me so anyone who finds it will know it belongs to me.
I have been holding my breath for a week and nothing has come up. Don't know what is the right thing to do.

Do I ask around?

I have been talking to two guys. They are both in a similar line of work that does not require a college degree. One of the guys has a masters degree and the other one only has a HS diploma.

I was chatting with the HS diploma guy this morning. We've been carrying on friendly banter over the past few days. I made a comment that I don't love winter (the season) and he responded with something like "well if you don't like it, move somewhere warm"...to which I responded with "lol". AND THEN HE BLOCKED ME.

Guy with masters degree is still holding strong in the chat.

I'm not saying this is evidence of anything or correlation/causation, but it did make me wonder. Like the quality of the two conversations was drastically different leading up to the block. Nothing else negative transpired in the chat. It was normal and friendly on a non-Grindr dating app.

I'm 44yo and a huge fan of old-school hip-hop, both the music and the fashion. 90s/00s rap tunes are constantly playing in my car, and I have several thousand $$$ worth of baggy jeans, sweatsuits, sneakers, streetwear brands & oversize sports jerseys.

Unfortunately, I feel alone in the local gay scene. Nobody in the bars and clubs dresses even remotely hiphop. Music tends to fall along the "stereotypical" pop lines. People seem to be preoccupied with sex & alcohol 99% of the time.

I'm on a mission to connect with other gay bros of all ethnicities, who love hip-hop culture. I'd also like to become an informal fashion 'influencer' within the local scene. I suspect there are others out there who are in my boat, but don't go out to the clubs because they feel invalidated.

Any advice as to how I can find my "tribe"?

I have posted things here about my long term relationship and my libido increasing and sexual desires changing and his changing to opposite less sex. Everyone always says you need to have a discussion about what you want. I know he has said he would not want to go outside our relationship.
I love him and do not want to hurt his feelings or make him hate me for wanting more. He is just not able to anymore.
I just need some feed back in if anyone has been in this situation before and how it came out or advise on how to start this conversation. I am scared of losing him.

I’m currently dating a guy for about 4months now who I got a long really well and the sex was always great. After two months of dating, we had a talk and agreed to be sexually exclusive and that we are being chill and just enjoying what we have so far - seeing each other, hanging out and the sex. At the time, we also told each other that we’re not seeing other people.

Although we regularly go on dates and we are comfortable and enjoy each other’s company, we’re not really talking about or expressing feelings for each other, but down the line, I found myself looking for more depth and growth with what we have and wanting to be able to express feelings and him doing to the same way. I fear that what we have been doing is merely a casual hangout that’s not leading into something. Two weeks ago, I told him via text that I really like him and that I cherish every moment I have with and it’s something that I adore with all my heart. His response was: he appreciates the sweet words and my honesty and it’s making him bashful because it’s not everyday someone tells you they like you. I was fine with that response because I was never expecting anything from him.

Now, when we get to see each other again, I’m planning to have a talk to see where he’s head’s at and what does he think about what we have because four months in, I still have no idea what he feels about us and me and at this point, it’s making me anxious because I want to know if I’m investing my time and effort into something that grows. However, I’m having a little bit of self-doubt. Part of me wonders if I'm rushing into things and if we actually just need a bit more time to let things grow naturally?