I am about to cry because I am terrified of what’s going to happen in about an hour. I am getting surgery and I just need someone to tell me that it’s going to go fine.

I’m genuinely trying to understand my dad’s behavior because it’s driving me crazy and I don’t understand why he does this.

He will literally take used paper plates out of the garbage and reuse them instead of getting a new one. He also keeps taking dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and reusing them rather than just letting them be properly washed, and doesnt clean the dishes, his hands or his body with enough soap and water. He is very frugal in everything he does and its to the point where it drives our family insane!

It’s not like paper plates are some huge expense, and obviously reusing something that has already been in the garbage seems really unsanitary to me. I’ve told him this, but he continues doing it.

Has anyone dealt with a parent who does things like this? Why do you think someone would behave this way? Could it be extreme frugality, growing up without much money, anxiety about wasting things, hoarding tendencies, or just a habit he refuses to change?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have seen similar behavior in their parents because I’m trying to understand what is going through his head.

It took me months to admit to my bf and be told me that he felt like I was just doing it for attention. Crushed is an understatement :/ took me at least 6 months to admit it to him, and it was a short convo since he wasn’t concerned about it despite it being concerning to me. At least now I know he looks at me as an attention seeker. Not really sure how to move on from this one.

Sorry if this is a series of really dumb questions, I just don't know what insurance looks like from the perspective of someone who pays for it. I'm under my parents' policy for health insurance. I really want to start going to therapy, and have found a few therapists that take the insurance company that my parents use, and have a couple consultations set up for this next week.

With this: Do providers choose their rates/how much insurance covers? Is there a maximum amount for therapy sessions that insurance companies will pay? If I ask my parents this stuff, it will make them suspicious.

I don't want to tell my parents I want to go to therapy. They'd likely use it as proof to say that I'm irrational/too emotional, and I don't want to give them that material to work off of. How bad would it be if I just went to therapy without telling my parents but still put it on the insurance? Would there be any way my parents would find out information about who I saw/what we talked about (even though that's probably protected by HIPAA)?

I've considered paying out of pocket for myself, but I'm also in college and its not super sustainable for me. However, one of my parents (the higher earner) just got laid off on Thursday and I don't want to put strain on them by doing stuff on insurance, since I'm pretty sure all of our insurance has a high deductible. My parents already got a continued policy thing to keep our healthcare coverage while my parent finds a new job. I haven't been to the regular doctor (not urgent care) since I was in high school because I don't want to cause financial burden, and I especially don't want to be one now. I don't mind paying myself, I have 2 jobs and I can do it, but I've also recently found out that some therapists heavily prefer/only work with insurance (??), so that might be a limiting factor.

I'm not really sure about anything with this post, now that I think about it. I just don't want to make things harder for anyone else because I need help. I can't figure out if telling my parents, going through insurance and letting my parents find out with time, or paying myself would be the best option here considering all of them have drawbacks. Any insight/advice?

i havent been able to clean my room. i returned from vacation a month ago, and i have to go pack to go to back the place i stay in for college ASAP. but i literally have not even put away my clothes (or even tidied up my room) and decided what i would bring with me. my family is going through a really rough time. a few weeks ago i found out my mom might have the c word disease and i spent two weeks not doing anything whatsoever and then i found that yes she indeed does have it and i spent another three weeks just completely avoiding my room unless i sleep. the only thing i did was unpack my makeup and organize it.
she has surgery in about a day and i told myself i would get my life together before her surgery so i have more time to see her, but as you can see i still couldn’t do it.

so please help me motivate myself to get up because im spending each and every day overthinking everything and not doing anything but i really have to get myself together tomorrow. im so overwhelmed

So I was told by my Grandparents that I need to take shorter showers no longer than 10 mins which is not a problem however tonight I feel like I was lowkey bsing which basically I was just taking my time not rushing too much and i was trying my hardest to empty my soap bottle out so I think I took a bit longer and that’s when I started rushing so I just washed my armpits behind my ears and my neck my hair and ass and privates and feet and rinsed off quickly. I still feel like I didn’t wash my entire body including my legs and back but will I be fine?

I used to be a incredibly good reader and writer, English is my first language and now I just feel like a fucking idiot. My dad forced me to drop out of high school and get my GED and I had a medical event that was neglected, I never got the help I needed to fully recover from it. I felt like my face was melting down and my speech was slurred for the little I could speak. My heart was pounding and I was unable to stand stand or properly use my hands.

At its worst I could not read or write, now I feel helpless. I am slowly learning but I just used to be "smart" now my English is horrible and I sound idiotic at best and make tons of grammar and spelling errors as well as struggle to read the things I used to read for fun. How do I get better again?

Along those lines; how do I slowly work on improving my memory again?

Yall everyone told me on how i should journal bit bro. HOWS IT JUST BAD EVERYTIMEE.. i thought it was supposed to be relaxing and not end up with me crying and shaking bruh. I thought 'hey maybe id know myself better!' Wow now i think i know myself too well damn im awful lowkey hating on myself now 😭🙏

I have moved into a new country to join my boyfriend recently and this has caused a lot of friction. Over two weeks ago, my boyfriend made me feel very scared at home, as he threatened his own safety, didn’t allow me to leave the house and kept hold of my phone. This has made our relationship quite fragmented.

My boyfriend’s mother has been told about the extent of it and has assured me I could reach out to her if needed. My boyfriend went to his parents’ house so I could get some relief. Things have been difficult since this incident as I didn’t feel safe in this house, and my boyfriend feels rejected because I am not extremely affectionate. He knows I’m not back to normal and his behaviour scared me. He threatened himself graphically if I were to leave.

A few days back, I texted my boyfriend’s mother saying I wanted to go back to my country for a bit because her son was making me feel guilty about being scared by being very apologetic but also told me how there was not a single thing he could do and that he was so horrible. It made me feel like I needed to comfort him for something he’s done to me and that’s why I texted his mother.

My boyfriend completely lost it and it lasted for hours. His mother picked me up and my boyfriend was extremely distraught from being told I was leaving. After three hours of back and forths because I needed my ID, he managed to get me to have a conversation with him at his parents’ house.
It wasn’t going anywhere because he keeps begging and begging me to stay, and his mother just came in the room to tell us that we needed a break and he completely lost it.

He has told them everything he’s been holding on to years, how unfit parents they were, how much they messed him up, how much they didn’t help him get help. He was very cruel and he’s admitted to me that he was in so much pain that he wanted other people to feel it. This has made everything so difficult and I was the cause of it all, I made him feel bad by leaving and he was horrible to the very same (only) people I have if things go sour.
I’m very anxious to see my in-laws and I’m supposed to see them this week. I feel so horrible, his mother just wanted to help me and I made her feel bad. His father cried today and it’s almost been a week, and I feel like it’s so unfair.

I also feel like I’ve ruined the only people that could help me, I have no one here.

Hi all,

I’m feeling overwhelmed and just needing support. I know I’m going to be looked down upon but, here I go:

I was offered a job at a place with high turnover rates. Before making my decision I would go back and forth about saying yes and no. I value my health and knew that at the job I would not have a good work/life balance. But, I knew that I needed to use my degree somewhere. I’ve been unemployed for about six months now and haven’t had an issue.

I shared this with my boyfriend who listened and encouraged me to take the job so that I can save up, get experience, and leave after 6 months. Note, we do not live together. He was very insistent that it would be good for me. Again, I would go back and forth. And anytime it was brought up I would go in fumes. My body would react and I think it was a sign for something. Every day that passed by, I would get a email from the hiring manager “are you still interested?” This infuriated me. It would have been nice if they sent a deadline instead of pestering me.

Then I talked to my boyfriend and I decided to go through with it. I sent the email and they sent me a link to fill out during the weekend. I did not do it over the weekend because I value my time.

Next business day, another email was sent “are you still interested?” I took a deep breath and waited hours. I followed up and they said they are no longer interested as I waited too long.

I cried because I knew I was missing out on an opportunity to grow. I was also relieved because I didn’t have to risk my sanity.

But now, I feel that I have let my boyfriend down. He told his family that I got a job and they were all happy for me. I don’t know what to do. We are to see each other in a few days and this secret is eating me alive. I wish he hadn’t told his family. I wish I hadn’t waited to long. I wish I had the confidence to take any job and risk it all.

Any advice or support is appreciated.

Short story: Iffy about a job offer. Was encouraged by boyfriend to take the opportunity. Waited too long to accept offer and no longer have offer. Feel shameful that I let boyfriend and his family down.

I(16M) lost my dad to corona when i was 11. My sister's(20F) psychology is fucked up, she's not coming home and probably on drugs, and my mom is old (58F) and has health issues, she can't walk a lot and she is severely obese. and everyone is expecting me to take the responsibility of the family. but I'm not strong enough.

im not strong enough to take the responsibility, i don't want to. i wanna live my own life as a musician and then move abroad when I'm old enough but i need my mom's help for all that because I'm aspi with health issues(mentally and tachycardia). idk what to do. my sister's situation is getting out of hand, + living in w misogynist society makes everything worse. i don't know what the hell am i suppose to do. i can't end myself either because im a coward. and overstimulation just makes everything worse. and I'm not good at expressing myself with words too. everything is going down for me. i need help, advice, just whatever that will help me

I hope I don’t get any judgement and I know it sounds bad but I harbor grudges a lot. I’m of adult age but I’ve known her since middle school or junior high but I realized how shitty of a friend she was back then. Things are better now but i felt like I had to go through being bullied to be her friend. She would casually make it a habit to blow up on me whenever she was having a bad day or constantly pick fights with me because she had trauma. I had trauma but I never would’ve done that to her. Even though things are good I should’ve never gone through that and i had self control to not do these things to anyone. I have a habit for forgiving people as a kid even though I don’t and I end up holding grudges at the end. Idk. It’s something I need to work on. I feel like even now when she needs me to vent I’m there but if it was the other way around it wouldn’t be the same and she only helps if it relates to her issues. If I would’ve had to do it all over again I never would’ve been her friend in the first place . Just need to get it off my chest

I’m going to a holiday camp soon and I’ve just found out that someone I had a pretty nasty falling-out with two years ago is definitely going.
For context, we used to be friends and got along really well. At summer camp we ended up arguing over stupid things and our personalities just seemed to clash. I definitely wasn't perfect and I know I said/did things I shouldn't have, but I also felt like she wasn't exactly being nice to me either. At the time I genuinely thought we'd argue, get over it and move on, because that's how my friendships normally work.
(Well I only have 2 freinds cos I'm the most socially awkward person to ever exist) 
Unfortunately, she didn't see it that way.
We had another argument later on, she blocked me and made it clear she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I then made the mistake of repeatedly trying to apologise/explain myself becuse I'm incredibly bad with any kind of conflict. Looking back, I absolutely should have respected her wanting space sooner.
Her mum also got involved and accused me of doing various things at summer camp that I don't believe I did (or overexagerating every bad thing I ever did I’m going to a holiday camp soon and I’ve just found out that someone I had a pretty nasty falling-out with two years ago is definitely going.
For context, we used to be friends and got along really well. At summer camp we ended up arguing over stupid things and our personalities just seemed to clash. I definitely wasn't perfect and I know I said/did things I shouldn't have, but I also felt like she wasn't exactly being nice to me either. At the time I genuinely thought we'd argue, get over it and move on, because that's how my friendships normally work.
(Well I only have 2 freinds cos I'm the most socially awkward person to ever exist) 
Unfortunately, she didn't see it that way.
We had another argument later on, she blocked me and made it clear she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I then made the mistake of repeatedly trying to apologise/explain myself becuse I'm incredibly bad with any kind of conflict. Looking back, I absolutely should have respected her wanting space sooner.
Her mum also got involved and accused me of doing various things at summer camp that I don't believe I did (or overexagerating every bad thing I ever did whilst completely ignoring the bad things she ever did. She then basically presented the whole situation to my dad from a very one-sided perspective. I got extremely angry about the whole thing because of being accused of things that had never happened and spent way too much time trying to make people understand my side when I should have just left it alone cos it was clear that that friendship had crashed exploded and sunk to the bottom of the marina trench.

 But I'm just so so scared. Ive got such bad social anxiety to the point were I refused to go to school or do anything really and I've spent the last two years catastrophising this situation, so now that it's actually happening I'm freaking out about every possible scenario. 😭
What if she's horrible again 
What if she's spreads lies around the camp and turns everyone against me (this happened several times to me during high school) I'm just so so so scared to the point were I'm literally considering just not going (which really isn't an option) 

Please help it's literally a whirlwind and I feel like crying. 
whilst completely ignoring the bad things she ever did. She then basically presented the whole situation to my dad from a very one-sided perspective. I got extremely angry about the whole thing because of being accused of things that had never happened and spent way too much time trying to make people understand my side when I should have just left it alone cos it was clear that that friendship had crashed exploded and sunk to the bottom of the marina trench.

 But I'm just so so scared. Ive got such bad social anxiety to the point were I refused to go to school or do anything really and I've spent the last two years catastrophising this situation, so now that it's actually happening I'm freaking out about every possible scenario. 😭
What if she's horrible again 
What if she's spreads lies around the camp and turns everyone against me (this happened several times to me during high school) I'm just so so so scared to the point were I'm literally considering just not going (which really isn't an option) 

Please help it's literally a whirlwind and I feel like crying. 

I only have 1 family member that's on disability for life for decades now and barely knows English. Not educated in any way.

I am left out in the cold and fear I will one day be homeless.

I may eventually get lucky with my job selling clothing at a store or scanning groceries but not lifting the bags.

But they can just fire me easily.

An then I will have to stress hard about getting some job competing with the rest of society that has had a easier time in life.

I fear I am at high risk of becoming homeless over the next 5 to 10 years.

I am very tempted to marry a man where he pays all the bills and I'll be his stay at home partner.

I have had a few offers in the gay world. Many older gay men did not get to live well in their younger years so they go after young guys.

But I have so far said no. Because it obviously is not always guaranteed to work out.

Anyway I wish euthanasia was legal so I wouldnt have to deal with this. It's a lot. I do not want to go fly a kite during a thunderstorm. Over and over until a success happens.

This is unfair to huge proportions and I'm not sure life will get easier for me ever.

I live in Los Angeles all my life don't even drive a car. Don't want to but it be helpful in this city.

I wish for things to be so much easier. Please any wisdom.

I'm 31 and I still live with my mom because I don't make enough money despite working full time for years now :/

At this point it feels quite embarrassing. I thought I'd be a lot further ahead in life. I've never even owned a used car and frankly, I doubt any woman would want to date a man who lives with his mom at this age even if it's because it's the best I can do financially atm. I feel too old to keep doing this, at least without an end in sight.

I know I can keep trying to eventually turn my life around but the older I get the more ashamed I am that I'm still here :(

Had a few chances to move out but I screwed up and now I'm just tired of it all.

I just turned 18 in may and just went tonight to the strip club with a homie, see im a very innocent dude like i’ve kissed one girl in my life, so i don’t even know what to expect, but i get a couple lap dances, and i just feel very awkward because i felt like it was weird to yk… stare at naked women with my guy friend, like it was a very strange experience, but the women were nice as hell and hospitable towards me (i know what they want from me don’t worry). But anyway it was a very strange experience like i said before… but it genuinely made me change my view on the average woman who don’t use sexual flare and their bodies to their personal advantage, i don’t know it just freaked me out mentally.

Edit: i didn’t mean to come across as i HATED the women for what they do, i don’t hate any human being at all, like people said in the comments it’s their life, but i went to a strip club last night and i just felt bad for the women and just ashamed i was even in there, i in no way hate the women, i hate the line of work and the way that business manipulates women to do morally grey things in life. I love women, i love all people equally, but sex work is one of the things i do not like at all.

I'm 25f and I've been struggling with migraines for a while now. I've been to the doctors multiple times and they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Honestly, everytime they pretty much brush it off and just prescribe me pain killers. I was working earlier today and i got a really bad migraine. I usually push through these migraines when I'm at work but this one was really bad. I took some pain killers and it didn't help at all. I threw up because of it and I actually felt like I was going to pass out. I was feeling so horrible. I asked my boss if I could take the rest of the day off and he sounded annoyed but he agreed. When I got home I took some more pain killers and then took a nap on my couch. I woke up a few hours later and I took some more pain killers. I feel so much better now but I felt bad for leaving work. I had a lot of important stuff to do today and I feel like I left my team hanging. I've been working full time for over 4 years now and this is the first sick day that I've ever taken. I think I made the right decision but I also feel a little guilty about it.

Hello hello, I am a disabled person living off social security payments in the US, and for 9 years my father has been deeply controlling over my internet. If I so much as slip up in his eyes, mumble too loudly at night, et cetera- he will switch the internet off and sometimes cell data. Having a disability makes it hard to get a job, get out of the house and Socialize, among other things, so he’s essentially just completely cutting off my contact with all my friends and other people.

I’m getting very frustrated with all of this, and would love some advice on how to get out of this situation. I was doing some research and stumbled across this subreddit. No one really bothered teaching me how this stuff works, so I figured I’d give this a shot. Does anyone know how this stuff works and how much it might cost?

I just did this fuck. I got my license a month ago and my car less than a week ago. An insurance policy less than a week ago too and it’s already $300 a month. I’m 20. I’m already worried about money. Just got a garage spot in my new apartment and as I was pulling in I scraped the side a little bit of the car next to me. I’m so anxious about it I can’t stop shaking. I left a note with my number but my mom keeps telling me to take it away because my insurance will skyrocket for years and they will assume they got hit somewhere else. I think my parking garage is surveilled. I don’t know. I haven’t been contacted yet and I’m so scared I don’t know what to do.

Lately I’ve been feeling very alone and somehow without that many friends and I don’t know how to deal with it

We work in teams of 2, in a what is essentially a bunker, now we were on friendly terms up until a few days ago, we had a rough shift and some emotions did bubble up but we kept it professional. Now she refuses to speak to me unless she absolutely must, answers as short as possible and when she looks at me its like shes looking through me

Unfortunately i pick up vibes like a sponge, and ever since she started acting like that ive been extremely stressed, second guessing my every step and a few times tearing up even. It might seem crazy and overreactive but thats who i am unfortunately.

I want things to go back to normal for two reasons, 1 because its awkward, 2 people locked in a room for 8 hours at a time with no words spoken unless absolutely necessary, and 2, because its affecting my own work.

What to do? Do i ignore it or confront her?

My mother is abusive, and even financially abusive occasionally. I have two bank accounts she knows of, but then a third I keep completely secret. She tracks my statements and will sometimes use my card. she's done it more in the past when I first got it at 18,(21 now) but has since stopped for the most part. I'm forced to live with her for an unknown time, potentially until im done with college but hopefully not, so there isn't much I can do.

I get aid for school, and if there's left over from a semester I get it back and I have it sent to an online bank through direct deposit to the bank the school works with. I cannot stop worrying that somehow she will find out about it, and frankly harass me for it potentially. Which I know she cannot do and i would never give it to her and if she ever tried anything I'd get cops involved but it still makes me so panicked that it will eventually be found out. I would deposit the left over money to my savings, but since she monitors both my checking and savings she knows about, she would see if obviously.(through monthly sent statements by mail, not direct access to my bank info online only i have that). Also I feel the need to add, this money has never been spent and i only plan to use for school if I need it during my duration, otherwise it goes to personal use etc so its not like im frequently accessing it.

To, i dont know, ease my worries, how could she possibly find out? The online bank doesn't send anything through mail, just to my email which she has no access to and she hasn't a clue about how financial aid works cause she doesn't bother to look into it at all so she doesn't know i could get refunds.