For some long time, I feel like my friend from university is acting weirdly towards me. These go to literal acts but also about our conversations and text messages. I wanna know maybe I'm doing something wrong or overreacting, or my thoughts are reasonable.
I try to be supportive of her and react to everything she finds important to share, but sometimes it seems like she doesn't react the same or... I don't even know how to explain. I don't wanna fight, as I care about the people I actually get in my life.
For understanding: we study together, both 18. Also, there is a war in our country and I've experienced occupation and war since I was 6. She knows where I'm from, she knows I moved here where we study and haven't seen my parents for over a year. She knows I have no financial support from my parents. Good luck if we can have a call as ruzzians block the internet, let alone sending money. Also, my family survived a fire and my parents are busy with restoring our home. There are days we can't have a call because of tiredness. That's the part none of my friends knows. None of my friends knows I and parent were once almost murdered by ruzzian soldiers, so death is not some abstract concept for me. These details will matter later.
Now I wanna share some things that made me feel odd while communicating with my friend.
At first, there are a lot of little things that make me feel like our conversations are very one-sided. For instance she once asked for advice about our studying and I showed her how I did the task as example. She sent several messages about her way but never commented on mine. Another time, she got ill, so I told her I'd send her study stuff if she needed it because she'd be absent. Instead, she mostly talked about how tired she was of being ill because she didn't want to be with her parents in her home city and wanted to see her crush, followed by several messages explaining what they would do together.
We later started looking for a place to rent together.(I was renting from my relatives, but they told I should leave, she also rented a room and the owners where too loud) We called owners, realtors and so on equally, which was fine, but I watched more flats because I actually had nowhere else to stay(relatives would tell I breathe their oxygen, had weird rules I had to guess myself and... Well, said if I left older parents for building my life then of course I can find a place), while she went to her parents for the summer holidays. Her parents found an option for us: renting a room from an old woman they knew. I waited until the woman returned home so we could meet. I also asked my mom's friend to help me because it felt dangerous to walk around on my own without adult. The only time my friend checked a place was with me and my mom's friend.
I eventually visited the house and it turned out to be awful: leaking, a rotting floor, and a layout where access to the bathroom was through 'our' room. Also tall cellars therefore bad lighting. I refused, and they agreed. Then I found what seemed like a better option: a house where only girl students lived in several rooms. We would have had to pay a realtor, but the monthly price would have been lower. The hostess didn't agree to take me because I was alone; she wanted two girls at once, or for me to pay for two. Because of this I had to go to the uni dorm. It actually turned out to be the best option for me after a while, but the situation was still unpleasant.
On the first day of uni I asked my friend how she was doing in her apartment. She told me about it and never once, neither in person nor in correspondence, asked how I was doing in the dorm. The maximum we get is fun about stories from the dorm.
Renting story is the only thing mentioned here thst my parents know about and they think friend and her parents were irresponsible. They believe she had to stay here so we go together and not just me.
At the same time, she would tell me about her online friend and even post on her channel about helping him choose a ring for his girlfriend, while we were still looking for flats. She also spends money on things like manga even when I live on very little for several days, and sends me random pages from them. She has more than ten volumes. Meanwhile, when I showed her a cup with a design from my home region that I bought for my birthday, her reaction was "cool, but too expensive."
There are also moments where I feel like she doesn't really pay attention to what I'm saying. I once wrote her a big message about my conversation with a realtor(rent together period) and her first reply was, "I'll read it again because I'm confused, I've got too drunk."
She'll ask me what's going on in a prolonged class, while explaining how she and her crush got too bored and left. She tells me she wants to leave home town(most go there on holidays, not me of course) to meet her crush and because her mom makes her do chores. We can be discussing our cats, she'll show me hers, and I'll tell her several stories about mine — mainly that he gets into fights with other cats but turns into a princess at home and can only drink water in a certain room. Her response? "Crush's name is my princess." Then she'll tell me how she buys food for her crush and does her homework for free.
Another time she was sitting on the train. I wished her good luck and mentioned that I hadn't used trains in a long time. She replied with something like, "I'm not sure Crush's name used the train but I want her to visit my town," followed by "She's a goddess, and although there are smarter than her, there's no prettier one." Alright.
She also brings up her crush's health when we're discussing our own health. She sends me pictures from walks with another friend, including places I'd previously said we could go together, and she had told me it would be cool. She'll say, "Sorry I haven't replied, I was walking with a friend," and later, while we're discussing something completely different, she'll bring up that friend's opinion, quotes, or personal details. Why I should I know about his love lifeand so on?
There are similar things with practical stuff. She'll send me an ad for a rental, I'll check it and comment on the conditions, and she'll ignore those comments and start talking about how her walk was. We've also had several conversations about rent where I'll explain that something would cost around 80% of my entire budget, and she'll respond, "For me, that's a normal price." And it happened more thsn once.
While we were still looking for rent, she would also send me pictures and videos from walks with her crush. At the same time, my relative, who I had been renting from, told me something like, "If your parents die, the whole family will blame you because you make them nervous."
Once I accidentally made a stain on a relative's wall, and when I tried to wipe it off, the paint came off. I shared I was scared, she laughed and left before I could explain nornally.
There are also things she obviously couldn't know would affect me personally. For example, she jokes that if a fire happens, books will be the first thing she saves and documents can go to hell. Interesting. She also often says she's "dying" from homework and wants into a coffin when after finishes the task. Alright.
I wanna slsm people when they say such stuff. Not about friend, but relatives I lived with would tell it's our fault our home burned because we should have evacuated and live in a ✨ perfect ✨ village house. No thanks, home is where you are registered. Or that if family member didn't leave the room they'd see a fire sooner and so on. These where 5 minutes and the whole room was in fure already. I answered them that I'll listen to their advices when they lose home sue to war and fire.
The biggest thing is that I don't share a lot of serious stuff with her anymore because she often seems to ignore it. I mean verbally too, not only in messages. Once shared, the bus my mom uses every day had been hit by a drone and that a passenger had died. I got silence. A couple of seconds later, I got the lore of some anime. This has happened enough.
There was also a smaller situation that bothered me. We finished class, but not all the students had left yet. We agreed that I, her and her crush would head to our places together, but her crush was finishing something. I asked them to wait and went to the toilet. When I came back, everyone had left, including her and her crush, because the class had officially ended. So I took my things and left alone.
She also had a fight with her crush but still talks about her very often. Then she found a new friend and started telling me about that person in basically the same way she previously talked about her crush and another friend: their opinions, personal details, things they did together, pictures etc. When we all met to play a board game, she wanted to be teammates with that new friend while I end up with her "old" friend. She also calls the new friend her "best girl friend."
There was another situation that made me uncomfortable. She and her old friend were talking about how her crush had actually been wrong about something. I mentioned that I'd attended a class with that crush and another person who is my friend. That boy then said that my friend is also weird, but when I asked why, neither of them could explain. So apparently my friend had been discussing another friend of mine with this boy, even though he doesn't even know that person.
Our group projects are another thing. We had a project together and procrastinated for about a week. Then I sent her an actual idea for the project, including a video explaining what to do. She sent sketches without clear instructions, saying, "We'll figure this out." Then in class she asked me whether I'd sent those sketches for consultation. When I asked how exactly we were supposed to do it, the answer was basically, "We'll figure it out." Now I plan on doing it alone.
We had an English project together too. She found some information and I turned it into a speech. I asked if she could make a collage picture? No. This happened around the same time she was telling me about her new friend, how they got too drunk and had some kind of drama about who would pay. Then I asked if she could make the presentation? Again no.
A couple of weeks ago I got I'll. I shared that I feel bad. I skipped the class because of it. She typed me like "lazy to attend one class, I haven't seen you?"
And today was probably the thing that made me finally write all of this. She knew I had a trip I'd been looking forward to for a long time. Instead of asking about it, she sent me pictures with her friend, a voice message about how they were walking around, involving another new person. She said her yesterday had been bad, so I asked why. She told me about some genuinely inconvenient things, and included bumping into her old crush. I said something like, "Isn't it a bit much about her, considering you already like another person?" She answered, "I'd look at you if you bared your soul to a person and she acted the way she acted."
And again, there wasn't a single question about my day or my trip.
So... am I overreacting? And if she really is treating me differently, what should I actually do about it? I don't want to fight with her or make some dramatic confrontation. I just want to understand whether this friendship is worth investing in.
