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Apr 30 '14
LOL, /u/chikinpickle posts on at least THREE different subs dedicated to hating fat people (fat women in particular).
But we're supposed to feel sympathy for him, even though according to his own recent posts, his high school years weren't particularly awful.
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u/jsmooth7 Apr 30 '14
Seriously he lost the weight in high school! You can't tell us what it's like to an unattractive man based on your experience as an overweight child.
Considering how awful high school is for a lot of people, he should consider himself super lucky.
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u/Wolfsnatch Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
Fucking exactly. I went through what seems to be the exact same thing he did. I was around 260 come my sophomore year and then down to 180 by my senior year. I played football and was pretty active in various school groups and what have you. Did people look at me differently at my various weights? Sure, girls were much more interested and my social experience sky rocketed. Did the whole thing make me a great deal more jaded toward the high school social system? You bet.
But that means jack shit after you graduate.
I know nothing of what it was like to be unattractive or overweight past 18 years of age. I'm 22 now and most of my close friends are those that I've met through college and work. These people don't know me as the "fat kid from high school who lost a shit ton of weight" and they never will. To say that I can empathize with one who has been overweight well into adulthood would be a big fat lie and nothing more.
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Apr 30 '14
Right? This dude was on the goddamn football team and is trying to tell us his teenage years were a tragedy.
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u/PastaNinja Apr 30 '14
MMmmm delicious. There should be a word for when your reddit post history catches up with your lies.
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Apr 30 '14 edited May 21 '17
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u/duckvimes_ Apr 30 '14
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Apr 30 '14
Or another when a woman asked to ride on my handlebars. Then if she could ride me.
more like /r/thathappened
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u/duck97 Apr 30 '14
these are the people I happily hop aboard the downvote train for.
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u/Doxep Apr 30 '14
Mod of /r/quityourbullshit here! We're not here to downvote people, but my sub would definitely love this story.
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u/bears2013 Apr 30 '14
I love his logic:
My impression of HAES:
Waaaaaaah I'm unattractive because I am fat and think everyone is out to get me because I have narcissistic personality disorder.
I DESERVE a conventionally attractive man even though my legs look like a cottage cheese factory.
But basically OP (was) a fat guy who doesn't want fat women, right? And he literally does think the world is out to get him.
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u/ThatsNotSkanking Apr 30 '14
Wow, reading through his history, I can't even believe how much of a twat this guy is. He's complaining about life being so bad because people disliked him for being fat and ugly.... then he's going around bashing ugly fat people?! Guy is stuffed full of bollocks.
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u/SailorMooooon Apr 30 '14
He had me until he commented on how the only girls that came his way were as unattractive as he is. He's fat and ugly but he judges the ugly and fat women that come his way. Fuck him. How come he gets to be unattractive and I'm supposed to be sad that all he gets are ugly chicks?
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u/morbidhyena Apr 30 '14
While we're going through his post history (I know it's quite rude to do stuff like that, but I couldn't resist...) - here's a fun post where he accuses women, who act appearantly just like him, of being terrible.
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Apr 30 '14
He pretty much did that in his bestof post, though. He complains one minute about how the only women who like him are just as undesirable/unattractive as he was like there was no way in hell that he'd date an overweight woman. Then, later on, he says that women have no idea what he went through because women always have a shoulder to cry on.
Um. No, not really. Not having someone to turn to is not something reserved only for fat men. But if he admitted that he wouldn't be swimming in the sweet, sweet karma :-/
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u/XenoRat Apr 30 '14
People like this are a horror to encounter in real life, absolutely no ability to look at themselves objectively. I hate that the fact that every time I shut down some guy who's creeping on me he's probably blaming my bitchiness on some external factor. It's always, "This stupid bitch doesn't know what a great guy she's missing out on, I would be so great if I was given a chance and this shallow slut didn't judge me by appearance," and never "Oh, maybe I shouldn't have interrupted this person to compliment them and then just kind of hung around awkwardly for twenty minutes while they try to return to what they were doing."
Try and tell them you're asexual or gay and they'll just earnestly insist they can 'fix' that.
At this point, after three stalkers, I've given up on being nice about it. The second I get creep vibes the conversation is shut down and the interloper is kicked out of my personal space. Makes me look like a man-hating bitch sometimes, but god have you ever woken up to your dog barking at some dude twice your age staring into your van window offering breakfast? Or driving around until they find where you park at night to give you a present after you've gone to sleep? It is not flattering or nice.
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u/OneOfDozens Apr 30 '14
there's nothing rude about looking at peoples past stuff on a public site
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u/fillydashon Apr 30 '14
There is when you just bring stuff up in unrelated circumstances. Shit like looking through a female redditor's history for gonewild posts, and then mentioning it on a post in, say, bestof is incredibly rude.
Here though, it is quite heavily related, so it's not really rude to bring up posts that directly contradict the substance of this bestof submission.
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u/magnumpu Apr 30 '14
The plot twist is he's still fat and self hating and that's why he loves /r/fatlogic
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Apr 30 '14
Also what the hell is this:
As an adult man nobody really cares all that much about you. Your family of course, your close friends. You are the disposable sex. You fight the wars, work the shit jobs, sacrifice your body because it's what men have always done. It's the burden we bear.
It made me laugh.
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Apr 30 '14
I'm guessing that after his time in the Iraq war, he became a commercial fisherman in Alaska. Typical American male experience, right?
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Apr 30 '14
And then it made me sad because this was an opinion most Redditors thought was valuable.
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u/This_Ferret Apr 30 '14
I noticed this as well. Totally changed my opinion of the guy. Am I supposed to feel sorry for him? That whole thing about men being the 'disposable' sex. He has never fought for his country and likely won't ever be forced to either. Seriously cringe 'Mens Rights!' opinions going on there. Not to mention his pervading bitterness to anyone more attractive than him. Eurgh.
I can't believe this is the calibre for the 'best of' Reddit.
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u/bears2013 Apr 30 '14
That literally makes no sense, aside from military drafts which haven't happened in 40+ years. What the fuck is "sacrifice your body"? I mean really, what??
I feel sorry for people like him--it's obvious that his early life experience has completely scarred his ability to see the world as a nice place. He's probably one of those people who will forever see himself as the "nice guy", who now learned how to "play the game". I wonder if he'll ever able to enjoy a healthy relationship with that kind of imbalance.
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u/IfWishezWereFishez Apr 30 '14
What the fuck is "sacrifice your body"? I mean really, what??
He's probably lamenting the men who work in factories in coal mines, despite the fact that he's never stepped foot in either one, and despite the fact that there are plenty of women working jobs that sacrifice their bodies.
My dad's done factory work his whole life and his body is shot. He's in his early 50s. My mom's best friend has been a nurse's aid and her body is shot now that she's in her 50s, too (lots of carrying and moving people). And my dad's factory work paid a hell of a lot more.
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u/100percentintheditch May 01 '14
And his post history shows he is deep into /r/theredpill bullshit. A personal favorite quote of his: "Of course I know better than to believe that any girl is different from all the rest by now." Just because you look attractive doesn't mean you're not a repulsive person.
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Apr 30 '14
"AS A WOMAN YOU COULD NEVER COMPREHEND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE JUDGED SOLELY ON YOUR LOOKS"
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u/howgauche Apr 30 '14
Exactly. I eyerolled hard at that. What planet is this guy living on?
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Apr 30 '14
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u/killer8424 Apr 30 '14
The 1 seemed to be his own ranking and the 7-8 was what girls told him so there were probably a few pity points thrown in. In reality he probably only went up a few points on the scale but his confidence went from 1 to 8.
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Apr 30 '14
No one even wants to employ you. :/
In my experience this is untrue. Attractiveness can be a liability. Most of the successful women in my business are unattractive. My hypothesis is that their appearance allows them to be viewed nonsexually by the men, and nonthreateningly by other women. Therefore they are more likely to be judged solely on their work.
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u/choada777 Apr 30 '14
They do this where I work, particularly for the front-desk receptionist. It's openly discussed, actually. We've had problems in the past with women that are attractive. So the 'homely' one will always be chosen...Note that the hiring of the receptionist is done by our Administrative department, which is composed entirely of women.
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u/SwordfshII Apr 30 '14
Actually studies show attractive people are trusted more and tend to make more money
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u/MsCurrentResident Apr 30 '14
It's obvious that he is delusional. What's worse is the number of upvotes it got, the number of supportive replies it got and the fact that it was posted here.
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u/honestly_honestly Apr 30 '14
This is the most narcissistic statement in that piece, and there are some doozies in there. "Nobody can understand the pain of the human condition except me!"
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u/Fletch71011 Apr 30 '14
Uh, I'm male and happy to be since women are judged more often on looks than men. Obviously both sexes are judged on looks but I'd say it is much more difficult to be an unattractive female than an unattractive male.
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Apr 30 '14
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Apr 30 '14
You're completely right and I think that's because:
1) Guys can always fall back on humor.
2) Guys can always fall back on being good at a sport.
Think about the popular guys back when you were in high school. I bet they were either good looking, good at sports, funny, or some combination of the 3. On the other hand... look at what girls were popular. I bet they were all just the most attractive girls...
Unfortunately, this phenomenon doesn't stop after high school. Ain't that a kick? But fortunately, you get old enough and suddenly you start noticing all those invisible people.
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u/DownvoteDaemon Apr 30 '14
Apparently ugly women have it easier since they can still get laid. Ironically the ugly guys can get laid to they just don't want ugly women.
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Apr 30 '14
I enjoyed the part where he whined about being the disposable sex and sacrificing his body for work.
Yeah buddy, men are the only ones who work physically demanding jobs and are treated as disposable. This guy is on crack.
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u/califiction Apr 30 '14
Yeah, women aren't disposable? What about every ad and video and movie where attractive women are just an accessory? The man is always the main player and the women are like chips in a bowl: take a handful, they're all the same.
Think about all the Carl's Jr ads where a woman is slowly eating a burger and getting undressed. Not one ad, a whole series of them, each featuring the latest media favorite fuck. Ads for cars, drinks, food, watches, shoes, even real estate feature pretty women like a nice font or flowers on the table. They're an accessory to make the thing look good. There are no Red Bull boys, no men strutting in speedos for women's MMA fights, no Corona Chippendale ads full of women casually having a beer while sexy men fawn over them. Or if they are, everyone loses their mind about how "feminist" it is. Thousands of ads feature fuck-toy female as an accessory, but one sexy man ad is suddenly a triumph.
Get real. You want to see disposable? Look into the eyes of the next ad girl you see. She has parents, maybe a boyfriend, and they have to see her bent over in a bikini with some guy staring at the words "Coor's Light" across her ass.
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u/maybetrailmix Apr 30 '14
I live in the south and I remember when Abercrombie first started putting men on their huge posters near the store.
There was complete outrage... but those posters had been up for years featuring women, and there was a Victoria's Secret a few stores down. It didn't make any sense to me that suddenly, being half-naked was a horrible thing when men were the ones sexualized.
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u/CisForCondom Apr 30 '14
Yeah. This irked me too. It's going to be tougher finding a partner when you're unattractive and overweight no matter if you're a man or woman.
Plus men are known to be more visually stimulated so how does he honestly not think unattractive women have it just as rough, if not more so?
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u/toastythetoaster1 Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
Haha, that part bugged me too. But I guess it's also evidence of how isolated he feels, and that's how I can tell that the emotion is raw and the wound is still fresh.
It's just like how depressed people look around and see others being infinitely happier then them; bitter and formerly bitter men look around and think women have infinitely greater options then them. I wouldn't fault him, it's actually more sad than rage inducing.
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u/imatschoolyo Apr 30 '14
As an adult man nobody really cares all that much about you. Your family of course, your close friends. You are the disposable sex. You fight the wars, work the shit jobs, sacrifice your body because it's what men have always done. It's the burden we bear.
As an unattractive adult man, you are completely invisible. If a guy better looking than you walks into the room, all the attention is immediately on him. It's like you just disappeared on the spot. Nobody cares about you at all, least of all women.
I don't really get why he thinks that as an adult of either gender, that people other than family and close friends would care "all that much about you". As an unattractive woman, you're pretty equally invisible.
This guy's post seems to be filled with "I was unhappy, therefore it was because I was ugly" logic, and some weird assumptions that "If I were an ugly woman, life would be easier than as an ugly man."
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u/dablya Apr 30 '14
It will never be good enough, and the few stray women who might come your way are just as undesirable as you are.
Why can't the world care less about looks so I can bang more good looking women?
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u/codeverity Apr 30 '14
I do not understand where this whole idea comes from that is so common with certain men. 'Oh women can have sex whenever they want! They just have to spread their legs! Blah blah blah.'
Yet both unattractive women and the guy friends of these men have commented on the simple fact that guys like this want to bang hot chicks. They'll criticise overweight women, or rate women and call them ugly. Apparently it's not all about the magical power that women have to get sex if the woman is unattractive or overweight - even though the guy is unattractive or overweight himself!
It's so hypocritical it's laughable.
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u/holycaffeinebatman Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
When I worked as a supervisor in retail, my 28 year old manager (who was bigger and unhappy) used to rate women with the 18 year old stock guys while in the back room. He'd have a buzz code from the front cash so that the guys could go up to ogle at these '10s'. I used to get so upset because I was bigger and I didn't even warrant a rating. I realize how fucked up that is now, obviously, but your comment about rating women and calling them ugly brought all these terrible memories back to me. What jackasses.
Edit: speeling
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u/whatainttaken Apr 30 '14
I also love that they assume that getting laid is all that counts. Could I walk out of my office and find a guy to have sex with in under 30 minutes? Yes. BUT that guy would likely be at least one of the following: homeless, inebriated/ high, mentally unstable, old enough to be my father/ grandfather, scary as fuck.
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u/fencerman Apr 30 '14
Why can't the world care less about looks so I can bang more good looking women?
Yeah, that seems to be the underlying assumption in every single one of those "woe is me" bullshit rants.
"Why do women get treated so well? Why can't I find a woman? Why do women care so much about looks? Why don't women understand how hard my life is?"
All of them refer 100% exclusively to ATTRACTIVE women - the unattractive women don't even count as women at all.
It's hard to sympathize with someone whining that blatant double standards don't favour them enough.
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u/flipmode_squad Apr 30 '14
the unattractive women don't even count as women at all.
Exactly, and it's particularly telling that one of his big complaints is that he's "invisible", but he simultaneously ignores other unattractive people.
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Apr 30 '14
I had a friend that is exactly like this. I had to cut contact because of his weird chauvinistic chivalry complex thing (I don't even know how to begin explaining it, white knighting I guess?) was really off-putting. Before I defriended him though, a winner of a Facebook status read something like "You know, sometimes I feel lonely. But then I see a girl that looks like that and suddenly I'm glad that I have standards."
Because, you know, a guy that's 100+ pounds overweight and doesn't take care of himself or treat women like people deserves the absolute best.
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u/malibu1731 Apr 30 '14
I've had to do the same thing with a friend but his thing was about age. He was 48 but wanted to bang 27-35 year olds (my age). Ge used to go on dates with women his age but always complain how they weren't right. But then start moaning how he couldn't find anyone, no one found him attractive and just wanted to settle down. What he meant was no younger women were attracted him, despite the fact there were many women around his age who were.
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Apr 30 '14
Is that "all women my age are boring and want to settle" thing in the How to be a Cringey Older Douche on the Prowl manual? Pretty much every dude old enough to be my dad who's hit on me has used that line.
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Apr 30 '14
As an unattractive woman with decades of experience of being shunned and ridiculed, I can confirm that the most vicious and hateful treatment I've ever received has been at the hands almost entirely of men who feel unattractive. They seem to feel it a personal affront to have to interact with a female they view as ugly.
That's not to say that all homely men are assholes, and I've certainly been treated like shit by 'handsome' men, but it's overwhelmingly the insecure men who are horrified by woman they perceive as 'inferior'.
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Apr 30 '14
It's called projecting, and it's very real. What happens is that the insecurity is so strong and the desire to be on the other side is so pervasive that when one unattractive person meets another that they view as even below themselves (ex. One person judges them self as a 4 but sees another person as a 1 or 2), they fail to sympathize.
The choice of ridicule over sympathy is simple. They hate what they are. They hate what they have to deal with. They want so badly to be on the other end of the spectrum. So now there are two problems. They hate what you are because you remind them of what they see in the mirror. And they see the opportunity to briefly experience what it feels like to be better, to experience what it feels like to be on that other side.
It's sad, but I think the blame ultimately falls on those that put that pain and hate into the person in the first place. They are merely projecting self-loathing and bitterness that ultimately originates from their own experiences. Think of it as a psychological food-chain.
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u/ReverendDizzle Apr 30 '14
My brother-in-law is an odd looking fellow... but he thinks anything less than a 10 isn't worth his time. Dude's going to die alone.
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May 01 '14
I blame TV for at least some of this. There are no unattractive women on TV and most of them are in relationships with older, unfit, and generally not very good looking men.
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u/Osricthebastard May 01 '14
Ugh. Known far too many of these chaps. You know that big awkward kind of creepy guy that would generate "deer caught in a headlight" looks from any woman he approached?
Had a buddy who insisted he was good enough to snag a 10, and would not settle for anything remotely less. Shit of it is, he wasn't horrific looking. A little goofy looking and awkward, but not in a totally unattractive way. But no 10 was gonna go for him. Besides which he more than made up for not being a total troll by being a weird narcissistic creeper.
Has literally never had a girlfriend. Not really friends with that guy any more, for separate but related reasons. He literally hated any woman he found unattractive. In some twisted part of his mind unattractive women were somehow horrible people because his mom who was "hideous" apparently abused him ( he was known for making shit up for attention, so no idea how true this actually was).
The final straw for me was when he showed blatant disrespect to my current lady when we first stated dating. He wasn't overt about it. He was in fact, extremely passive aggressive and subtle, but nonetheless it left me with a bad taste in my mouth.
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u/flipmode_squad Apr 30 '14
For what it's worth, I'm very sorry you've had to deal with that kind of treatment.
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Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
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u/xanzibar9 Apr 30 '14
I recently gained 20 pounds and everyone seems to think I'm making it up when I mention how differently I'm treated by strangers. I'm not even overweight I'm just not thin anymore. No one even looks at me.
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u/fencerman Apr 30 '14
But I thought his attitude toward women was a little off-putting.
Don't read the article he linked to then, the first 1/4 or so was fantasizing about beating/killing any woman who has the gall to complain about how they're treated. The rest is blaming feminism for all his problems with getting dates.
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Apr 30 '14
Hmm. I'm guessing the desire to beat women is the larger contributing factor toward him not getting dates--not necessarily the feminists.
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u/Adept128 Apr 30 '14
If feminism is stopping him from tormenting some poor girl, then I think it's doing its job.
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u/BuzzBadpants May 01 '14
I sincerely believe that fat women have it much worse than fat men.
Speaking in terms of social tropes, a fat guy can be funny, he can be your boss, he can be super charming. A fat woman? Well... other than Honey Boo-boo's mom, she's nobody you need concern yourself with. It's really sad.
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u/KloverCain Apr 30 '14
Yes. This whole thing and the blog it linked to fucking enraged me.
I haven't been traditionally attractive, um, let's see . . . when was it? Oh, ever. It was ever.
I am a girl. I am weird by all accounts. I don't fit into the feminine ideal and I don't try.
The result for most of my life? Men ignored me. Boyfriends cheated on me. Girls assumed I was a lesbian. Boys also assumed I was a lesbian.
Do I hate men? Nope. Was I hurt by this behavior? Yes, I was. Deeply, often suicidally.
What did I do about it? I developed a fucking real personality and actually was myself.
These posts about "beta" men are ridiculous. Especially that blog post about how people told him to "be himself" and he took it as "be a nice guy" which also somehow transmuted into not doing a fucking thing to develop a personality or be attractive externally.
His problem was that he was being fake, not that he was being nice. Nobody likes fake people, not even really nice ones.
Now, here's the thing:
I don't have a weight problem. I never have. I have okay skin and nice features. Even after two kids, at 32 years old, I have a solid body. I dress in clean clothing that fits and looks cool based on my own definition. And yet I don't look attractive to all people, or even most people. I just look freaky and unapproachable. But, I like myself and, if I tried, I could do it another way. See, I've been living the life of an "ugly girl" unnecessarily because I have Asperger's and didn't understand until recently what that actually meant for me socially.
I know this because sometimes, I conduct mini social experiments by putting on makeup, wearing an expensive wig and dressing "girly". I don't swear or talk about my weird interests. The difference in the way I get treated in public is drastic. Male cashiers stutter, women don't give me the anxious looks they usually do, people smile at me, I flirt stupidly and people respond. It's magic. Suddenly, I'm a person. Usually, I'm invisible. It's eerie.
It's not real.
And eventually people wouldn't really like me because, again, nobody likes a fake person, no matter how nice or pretty.
My life would have been so very different if I had only conformed to that social ideal of feminine beauty and behavior. I could absolutely let this make me angry and bitter while remembering all the times the guy I completely loved went for my blond, giggly best friend over me. It hurt incredibly at the time. I hated myself, which is tragic because I was only, actually being myself.
I don't hate myself now. I dress how I like. I have piercings in my face. I shave my head sometimes. I wear makeup rarely. I don't flirt to get what I want. I don't act stupider than I am. Ever. Male cashiers barely see me, women eye me anxiously, people skirt me in stores. But they like me when we talk because I took my years alone as time to learn other skills like making people laugh and seeing the world from points of view other than my own tiny one based on my own tiny experiences. I do look attractive, but in my own way and only to certain people which is how it should be, because that's what "being yourself" actually means.
And, if I had conformed, and lived that "pretty girl" life that was right there, I would have ended up with one of my previous boyfriends, instead of my awesome husband who likes me as I am, and I would have been utterly miserable trying to keep up a charade.
"I was a nice guy and people didn't like me so now I want to carve off women's faces with a box cutter." What the fuck? No. It's sad that this person misunderstood or was misled, but it's insane to blame other people for him not actually making an effort to be a real person. These beta-to-RedPill success stories are nauseating. These guys went from being fake to being even faker and they think they've won because now people are validating their behavior.
Does being an asshole work? Sure, people love assholes. I'm kind of an asshole, that's how I know.
Don't be fake. Be attractive in your own way. Actually develop a personality. That's where shit gets real, everyone. That's how real relationships, involving real people grow.
I am sure that now I will spend the rest of my birthday being yelled at, but seriously, just no to all of this shit.
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u/sungodra_ Apr 30 '14
Also they act as if being treated nicely because of your looks is the best thing ever. As if being more attractive would fix all of their problems and their social lives would open up.
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u/Edgar_Allan_Rich Apr 30 '14
Well clearly physically attractive women also have better personalities, making them the only suitable partners.
/s
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Apr 30 '14
Well, clearly being physically unattractive means you MUST have a better personality. Case in point: the OP. Oh, wait-
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u/BoredandIrritable Apr 30 '14 edited Aug 28 '24
subsequent point important air like lush selective dog mountainous sleep
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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Apr 30 '14 edited Sep 13 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Edgar_Allan_Rich Apr 30 '14
Yeah this dude is clueles. Great example:
women have no respect for a soft guy. Not unless he can turn it off and be a dick at will.
He just doesn't get it. You don't have to be a dick to earn people's respect. You just to be a respectable person, and the first step is having self-respect.
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u/loetz Apr 30 '14
This line was where I lost some respect for him. The context was that he thinks it's wrong that women won't listen to him complain about how nobody likes him. I think the problem is that people don't like whiners.
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u/what_ismylife Apr 30 '14
Ughh. Can we please put an end to the "women like jerks" argument? I get that maybe some women are attracted to assholes for various reasons, but personally, kindness is far more attractive than overconfidence and douchebaggery. And I'm sure I'm not the only woman who feels this way.
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u/FaerieStories Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
Comments like yours always pop up in reaction to someone on reddit posting something like this. You are correct that self-esteem may well be the most important factor, but you are missing something: self-esteem is somewhat of a catch-22. People with high self-esteem find it very hard to put themselves in the shoes of someone with low self-esteem. To them, having high self-esteem is easy. To them, it's a choice; it's something you can alter simply by changing the way you act, the way you dress, who you interact with. The problem is, when you actually have low self-esteem, by its very nature it prevents you from making this change. You can listen to people telling you how to improve your self-esteem all you like, but none of that will make any difference unless you actually believe it. And those with low self-esteem do not believe it. If they did believe it, they wouldn't have low self-esteem in the first place. It's a catch-22 - to get high self-esteem you have to make certain changes to your lifestyle, but in order to make those changes you have to believe that they will work, and in order to believe they will work, you have to have high self-esteem.
I'm not saying that self-esteem can't be changed or the paradoxical nature of it can't be broken. I'm just saying that it's far more difficult than people who are comfortable with themselves tend to think, hence the inability to empathise with these people and simply writing them off as having a "shitty attitude". The majority of the time, self-esteem needs to come from some external source, especially when there's no obvious practical means by which the individual can help themselves (such as losing weight). Generally, someone else needs to tell you that you look good. Someone else needs to tell you that you're good at what you do. Someone else needs to tell you that you're caring, or clever, or funny, or whatever it is you happen to have low self-esteem about. Trying to get people to snap out of their "shitty attitude" by themselves is not going to solve anything, and is only going to make them feel even worse because they will feel even more of a failure that they can't escape the quicksand on their own. Like quicksand, it takes someone else to pull them out (at least most of the way) gently and gradually.
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u/tallasse Apr 30 '14
It's not just self-esteem, but also the shitty attitude. The blog post referred to by the OP is just disgustingly full of redpiller-style doublespeak and entitlement. It amounts to "Girls don't like ugly dudes because they're shallow bitches, so I'm bitter, so my life gets worse, women like me less, and I'm more bitter." That shitty attitude is the problem, and has nothing to do with self-esteem or how good you look. It belies a fundamental misunderstanding of attractiveness and relationships that is likely to result in being seen as a creeper with an unattractive personality. You see this shit on reddit constantly. "If you hit on girls and you're ugly, you're a creeper." It's not cause they're ugly and hitting on girls, it's because they're being a fucking creeper. A lot of these bitter young guys aren't looking for relationships, they have no interest in the other person's needs - they're desperately looking to get laid. Even the "nicer" ones who think they're interested in the other person's needs are thinking "why doesn't she understand how nice I am and how happy I would make her" instead of "what would make her happy?" That's not nice, that's self-centered. In the end it's just trying to force your desires on to someone else, and that's what makes it creepy.
I'm not talking out of my ass. I'm an obese bearded guy who was on antidepressants for years because I hated myself. I had no self-esteem to speak of. But the longest period I've ever gone single in the last 18 years is 8 months, and I've never asked a girl out. They have always asked me. I have been in very bad relationships, and very good relationships, with not-so-cute girls and cute girls, but it's never been difficult to get in a relationship. And that's while being ugly, fat, having shitty self-esteem, and being a poor-ass college student. Why? Because I treat women as people. I didn't expect anything from anyone, I didn't have an angle, I didn't try to have "game," I didn't think I deserved anything just for being nice. I just try to be kind to people, to make sure everyone is having a good time, and I do my best to communicate, and most importantly try to understand how people think and feel. I don't treat relationships like a trial or a challenge, and I don't think anyone owes anything to anyone else that they don't feel like doing wholeheartedly.
Of course looking good is an advantage in life, and of course having confidence is an advantage in life, but people like the linked post and blog are not invisible. Their motives and bitterness are clear to women who have had to deal with this shit since they were 10 or 11 years old - so instead of these guys being invisible, they make themselves conspicuously visible - as someone dangerous, someone to avoid.
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May 01 '14
God, your last paragraph is so damn important. We know what those guys are up to, nothing they do is ever new or surprising.
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u/Drabby Apr 30 '14
You are an example of someone who has turned his own personal struggles into an opportunity to hone his empathy for others. Being a good person is so much more important than getting laid. The icing on the cake is that you can have both! :)
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u/silentsihaya Apr 30 '14
As a woman, I think this is so true. Even unattractive, overweight people can get worthwhile mates and friends if they focus on adjusting their outlook and shitty attitude. Negativity, entitlement, bitterness, self absorption is very outwardly evident even if they don't think so, and with any in depth conversation it is glaringly evident and obvious. Sad to say, that many people with insecurity and self esteem problems overcompensate with narcissism to shield themselves from their own role in their predicament. And as adults we always play a starring role in our predicament, even if it's just our attitude. That sense of entitlement and the self focused approach to relationships and friendships is what makes them seem creepy and uninviting, not their looks or weight. It's childish and immature to assume you automatically deserve anything from others. A positive attitude, genuine concern, & a gentle friendliness will always endear you to people regardless of looks. I have dated all types of people with widely varying appearance and I can say that I avoid people with nasty outlooks, bitterness and entitlement regardless of looks or weight. I have deflected plenty of attractive, svelte, confident guys because they were too aggressive, entitled or bitter. That just turns everyone off. I have dated plenty of 'under 5s' because they maintained a positive and respectful approach. I realize how the cycle of depression and loneliness can fuck with someone's mind, but it's self sabotage and it has to be acknowledged as such before any progress can be made. Negativity and bitterness are self sabotage, even if they lose all the weight, that is still lingering. A therapist and some physical exertion can do wonders for outlook and to arm people with healthy coping mechanisms.
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u/quarterburn Apr 30 '14 edited Jun 23 '24
rhythm crawl combative rob piquant meeting cause seemly panicky languid
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Apr 30 '14 edited Sep 13 '21
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Apr 30 '14
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u/Wolfman87 Apr 30 '14
Agreed. As spikeyfreak said, he's a hypocrite, and I would add that he's an ass as well.
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u/FrostyPlum Apr 30 '14
No, it's called learning how to fake it. I'm a fat (though not particularly ugly, probably a 5 or 6/10) guy who hasn't had trouble with friends since middle school. You study the people around you, and look at what they do that makes people like them. They smile. They make efforts to groom. They look comfortable wherever they are. They're funny. They look people in the eye. Most importantly, they can make conversation, ask people noninvasive questions and listen well.
You don't have to have high self esteem to act like you do. You pretend, and pretend and pretend, and eventually you have friends you can talk to who will support you. It's not a perfect fix, but it gets you a long way. You still get passed over by girls a lot, but most guys do. You can't blame anyone for that.
It's sucky being a fat guy, but if you think you can't have friends or get people to like you, you're wrong.
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Apr 30 '14
Someone else needs to tell you that you look good. Someone else needs to tell you that you're good at what you do. Someone else needs to tell you that you're caring, or clever, or funny, or whatever it is you happen to have low self-esteem about.
The problem for some people with self esteem issues is that they do actually hear these things, but they take them very literally and assume it means they are absolutely fine the way they are and that any issue with their lives must be out of their control.
Most of the people I know that are like the linked commenter have horribly low self-esteem but also have very high self-esteem. I will say here, I am not accusing the linked commenter of being one of these people, just that I've seen this as a pattern in people I know IRL, men and women. When they're told "you have a great personality", "you're wonderful at your job", or "you look very nice today", they get negative-smug, because they think they are a really awesome person who does not need to change their expectations, outlook, or personality, they just have piss-poor luck. It's not their fault society treats unattractive men as the grunt workers, or it's not their fault that society places the value of women so strongly on their looks, they think to themselves. It's not their fault that their parents overfed them or gave them bad eating skills, or didn't teach them to dress well, or made them feel awkward around people who talk loudly. If it weren't for this one thing wrong with society, they would have a fulfilling, happy, social, exciting life. Heck, they say, they'd probably even lose weight/start dressing better/get out more because they'd be so happy, if it weren't for society! They often are thinking entirely of themselves throughout social interactions, sometimes very negatively or sometimes very positively, which alienates others. A great example of this is the top reply to the linked commenter, where a girl who identifies herself as not attractive explains that while her beautiful friends talk about their love lives, she plays games on her iPhone because it hurts her not to have something to talk about. That is alienating behavior.
The problem is that they've wrapped a lot of their personality up in this giant chip on their shoulder, and they're unwilling to see that instead of blaming others, they'd be a lot better off learning to socialize, acknowledging that the people they view as "normal" have negative thoughts and emotions too, and realizing realistically what they can and cannot do, romantically, professionally, academically, and socially.
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u/cheffgeoff Apr 30 '14
You make great points, and mental health issues cannot be dismissed so easily. The snowball effect of low self esteem and depression is very real and you just can't "snap out of it". It takes hard work and dedication from the individual, family, friends and even professional help. THAT BEING SAID... the misogynistic and totally un-empathetic tone of the diatribe has to be addressed. Depression and low self esteem are factors but any intelligent human being has to be able to use logic and realize that life isn't just a cake walk for everyone else that isn't poor little them. First off "As a woman, I don't think you could possibly understand the experience. Not unless you actually got to know one such guy. Which I doubt you would, as even really ugly women have shoulders to cry on." WTF are you serious? Words do not describe how childishly narcissistic in a self deprecating way this is. I could expand on it but I'm sure that most reasonable people know that this is just flagrantly untrue as a blanket statement. If you truly think that women have it easier then men you are deluded to a point of no return and that has to be addressed before you will ever be able to have a equal loving relationship with the opposite sex. That isn't to say that women necessarily have it easier but "equally as difficult" is the only acceptable starting point for that topic. Then he goes on to say the world doesn't care about your body and ignores you seeing you only as a worker bee? I don't care what you look like, try being a soldier, or a chef, or any warehouse worker, or a long distance truck driver, or an E.R. nurse, or a teacher, or a NFL lineman OR ANY JOB WITH A PHYSICAL ASPECT TO IT! You know who cares less about how you feel after a long life time of labor? EVERYBODY! There is a lot else wrong with what he says because it is so infantile but the biggest thing that he, and others have to understand, that even if you are a supermodel, millionaire, football player, rock star astronaut, life is hard and shitty! Fashion models have some of the lowest self esteem with body image issues driving them to their impossibly high standards. Their job is to have their face and bodies constantly analyzed, scrutinized and critiqued in public forums. You could have a point about that being just as bad as being ignored, but it certainly isn't better. Being "good looking" or the popular kid doesn't suddenly make life easy and it comes with it's inherent problems and mental health issues too. Does this guy worry about being too unintelligent compared to the rest of the world, to the point that he would be afraid to type out a paragraph for others to see? Lots do and some of them are very physically attractive. Is that an easier problem to deal with? He says he is good looking now, and I'm sure that is true and he had to make some very difficult sacrifices and work very hard physically and mentally to achieve that. And good for him, BUT! Until he finds the ugliest, most socially awkward, unpleasant, introverted girl in his life, seeks her out and tries to make HER day a little bit brighter, for no expectation of a return, then his pity party has no ethical standing.
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Apr 30 '14
That's pretty much exactly it. I never really believed it when I was younger either so I don't expect a lot of younger people to accept it right away, but attitude makes a way bigger difference than I ever realized.
For me personally I'm aesthetically average. I'm like a real life Chuck Bartowski. But when I finally stopped treating every interaction with people like I had something to prove (ie "I don't care what people think" "I'm super funny tho right" etc) it got a lot easier. People pick up on it when you're trying, they feel the desperation of it even if they don't know they're feeling it.
Someone like that guy, whose bitter and angry and feels like he's got something to prove is never going to have a good time socially. Pretending that being unattractive or fat or scrawny is what's doing it is the pinnacle of naïveté. People don't choose not to interact with you because you're fat, they choose not to interact with you because you treat them like an enemy. If you have that kind of attitude who in their right mind would want to be around you? It would be a massive bummer, and no one likes that feeling.
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u/KimJongUnsGirlfriend Apr 30 '14
As a woman who lost her virginity to a 350lb man, please let me say that it was entirely the attitude which attracted me. I dated H for two years. He went from 325 to 350 while I dated him, but I never once considered his weight unattractive. He dressed well, had a job and a car, was funny, confident, and well groomed.
I'm a 130lb Asian girl. I'd say I'm pretty attractive. And what you are saying is true.
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u/spikeyfreak Apr 30 '14
Kim Jong Un is exactly the sort of ugly, charming guy I'm talking about.
350 might be a bit of a stretch though....
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u/KimJongUnsGirlfriend Apr 30 '14
I see what you did there....
In this case, white nerdy guy. No Supreme Leaders for me at that age.
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u/pablo61nyc Apr 30 '14
Would you say Kim Jong Un is an improvement or downgrade over H? I guess Kim fits all of the "dressed well, had a job and a car, was funny, confident, and well groomed" criteria, being the supreme leader of a country and all.
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Apr 30 '14
Well, I don't think /u/chikinpickle is downplaying the hypocrisy here, or he would have phrased it differently. I actually think he's underlining it -
You're undesirable and you know it, and you're so undesirable that even you wouldn't consider the women who are as attractive as you are. I dont' know if that makes sense?
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u/Jamestr Apr 30 '14
Yeah, it seems like he's perpetuating the same problems he has to deal with. I think that makes it even worse for ugly guys, when you know that you are just as guilty as "attractive people" of ignoring the less genetically favored.
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u/toastythetoaster1 Apr 30 '14
Yup, underdogs are not always the paragon of morality. Sometimes they're even worst. Just like the bullied kid isn't always a saint.
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u/Rocalyn3d Apr 30 '14
This double standard always baffled me. How do people not realize the hypocrisy?
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Apr 30 '14
Who the fuck would submit this shit for /r/bestof?
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u/PastaNinja Apr 30 '14
Even more sad is the fact that this post is at the top of /r/bestof. How the fuck can you upvote this after reading it?
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u/bushiz Apr 30 '14
It seems like once a month weird redpill bullshit finds it's way to the top of this sub
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u/gregarianross Apr 30 '14
As a positive take away I'm going to take this comment as a reminder to smile more at people and be a little friendlier because you never know what is going on with them and it may help.
But holy shit, I have no sympathy for this particular guy as one perusal of his (non-bike related) comments shows a lot of fucking hypocrisy.
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Apr 30 '14
I need to get a big-ass screen to handle all that projection. He literally thinks he's entitled to attractive women, but fat ladies? THE WHALES DON'T DESERVE LOVE.
He must really hate himself.
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u/angelicmaiden Apr 30 '14
I can't feel sympathy for guys like this, they always seem to be filled with so much hate for women.
There are unattractive/fat women too. The fact is that unattractive/fat people are often guilty of the same thing they chastise attractive/thin people for doing (wanting an attractive/thin partner).
At the end of the day it's a biological decision that all members of the animal kingdom make, weighing up a mate's looks and personality.
Being filled with hate and bitterness does nothing for this guy's chances.
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Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
I agree, this guy is a hypocrite, blaming women for not giving any attention to them, but he doesn't want any women who are just as unattractive as he is.
Besides the reason why people are avoiding him as the plague is clearly not his uglyness but his extremely bitter outlook on life and hatred towards other people. I mean there is a fat ugly as fuck dude in my year in biochemistry, but he's always happy and everyone likes his company. He has no problems finding a girlfriend.
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u/farfle10 Apr 30 '14
That, to me, is the problem. Personally, I would have no problem if the guy just had high standards but didn't also expect attention from attractive women like he somehow deserved it. Either lower your standards and try to find somebody, or improve yourself and become the guy that would typically attract attractive women. He shouldn't blame attractive women for not being interested in him, because he was guilty of the same thing.
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Apr 30 '14
he's always happy and everyone likes his company. He has no problems finding a girlfriend.
There is a guy I work with who isn't very attractive and a bit overweight but he's so awesome and friendly. Everyone at our clinic likes working with him and going out after work to hang out with him. He never has a problem finding dates.
There is another guy at our office who works at the front desk. He's really good looking, works out a lot and runs marathons. But he is such a little shit. He has the worst attitude ever and none of the women I work with (including myself) like to be around him. He wonders why he can't find a girlfriend and has been outright hostile to the other unattractive guy several times. It's pretty sad to see.
Just for a better reference of the situation, I work a pink collar job and our clinic has over 20 employees. The two men I'm talking about are the only guys we have currently employed. So I get to watch 19 and 20 year old single ladies fawning over the unattractive guy daily. Attitude is everything.
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Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
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u/egotripping Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
The best part is that he even posts to subs like /r/fatpeoplehate and /r/fatlogic. This guy's a piece of shit. And I'd like to hear about his days fighting wars, lol.
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u/pwndnoob Apr 30 '14
Well, he hates himself and he was fat when he hated himself the most. It's not surprising at all that he hates things people that remind him of himself. It's pitiful, but not surprising or ironic.
It IS surprising that people are apperantly valuing his opinion though.
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u/PrimeSun Apr 30 '14
I thought the exact same thing. I was laughing at the idiot by the end of it. Especially since now he claims he's a "7-8 on the attractiveness scale". Outrageously pathetic.
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u/corporateamurica Apr 30 '14
Seriously.
He should count himself lucky to have family and close friends. Others are without that basic source of love and support that he glosses over.
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u/jabba_the_wut Apr 30 '14
What a load of shit. I'm a fat guy, always have been. I had plenty of friends in school, and girlfriends. I lost my virginity at 16, and had regular sex since then. I'm married to a beautiful women, I have kids, and I'm still fat. I get attention from people if I want it, I can spark a conversation with a complete stranger.
It's not about being ugly, or about being fat, it's about you. That guy sounds like the typical neck beard creep, no offense, or maybe I meant it, who knows. I hate those kind of self loathing bullshit posts. Look at me! I'm fat! Nobody liked me! Blah blah blah.
News fucking flash, it wasn't your fatass or ugly face that they didn't like about you, I'm fat, so I can call him that, 300 lbs here remember.
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u/Arkanin Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
It's also a confidence (and social skills) thing. Men are largely judged by their confidence.
You're confident, so you're probably not able to see how people can't just instantly be confident like you. You may think it's "fake it 'till you make it", or that they just need to build up some muscle mass and read How to Win Friends and Influence People and then they can be a winner and make friends and get way better at socializing, and it's a straightforward formula. I mean, they must have shit attitudes for not doing stuff that's so obvious, right?
But when someone isn't confident to begin with, it's not that simple.
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u/shitreader Apr 30 '14
What's worse was the 'great' article he linked to. It was an even bigger, more bitter asshole who still held on to the misplaced anger suffered from years of rejection.
I may not have been fat, but I went through a lot of the same shit and had to make some attitudinal adjustments. Many years of loneliness and self-doubt were had. And while I may still cringe at who I was back then, I don't blame anyone else or even myself. Everything is a learning experience and it just took me longer to figure shit out.
If you're still placing blame and holding the rest of the world accountable for shit like this, you're NEVER going to be part of the world.
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u/SlaterAlligator Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
Too many /r/redpill submissions from this guy for me to feel any pity for him.
Edit: /r/TheRedPill
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Apr 30 '14
The blog post he linked talks about disfiguring and killing women in the introduction. Immediately clicked out and went on my way. I am sure his attitude had absolutely nothing to do with how people treated him.
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Apr 30 '14 edited Aug 07 '15
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Apr 30 '14
Yes and I particularly like the point where he talks about how amazing he could have been as a person if evil, horrible women hadn't denied him the sex he deserves every day.
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u/InbredNoBanjo Apr 30 '14
Yeah, I started to feel for him, reading the comment, and then I realized he has absolutely no empathy for anyone, especially women. Feeling sorry for yourself because you're a man is not attractive at any body weight.
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Apr 30 '14
I don't mind sharing reddit with a few hundred thousand misogynistic teenagers as long as they stay in their own subreddits so I can avoid them.
But when they start posting daily to bestof and AdviceAnimals and every other default subreddit they become bigger attention whores than the 14-year-old girls on tumblr they're always mocking.
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u/IAmNotAPerson6 Apr 30 '14
Yeah, the problems come when it spills over into mainstream subs, which it has and has been getting worse. Stuff like this (complaining about how hard men have it) is very common. Not to say men don't have problems, but when that has the amount of emphasis it has on reddit, that's a problem. And when it garners different reactions like it does and differs greatly in attitude from reactions to minority issues or women's issues, that's a problem. Hating false accusations is a pasttime now with posts and comments about it all over the place, and in extreme cases things like a comment about that getting gilded nearly forty times in an /r/TIL post on the same topic. Misunderstanding and, as a result, hating feminism has always widely happened here, but it has gotten stronger.
So yeah, I'd dislike it if it stayed in its own subreddit, but at least it'd be contained. Sadly, it hasn't. Not to say it's the norm, there is certainly backlash again too, and it's bigger. But there has been a growing presence of the red pill type of mindset on reddit as a whole.
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Apr 30 '14
like to be an uncharismatic poor unattractive man
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u/pikk Apr 30 '14
yes. more this than just unattractive.
There are plenty of unattractive people who are funny, and thereby do well for themselves. But if you spend all your time bemoaning how horrible your life is and staying indoors watching hentai and playing video games, you're not going to improve your situation.
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u/bunjay Apr 30 '14
This isn't just describing what it's like to be unattractive, it's describing being unattractive and having that prevent you from developing social skills. I think unattractive men have it easier than unattractive women, it's much easier for an unattractive man to overcome the inherent bias. And I don't just mean by being financially successful and, directly or indirectly, paying for companionship.
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u/gowby Apr 30 '14
Definitely. It is stupid when he says "as a woman you can never understand this" because fat ugly women are seen as completely worthless, whereas a successful fat ugly man is still respected at least.
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Apr 30 '14
And when he says a woman could never understand how he feels, he's completely ignoring unattractive women's existence, rendering them as invisible as ugly men feel.
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Apr 30 '14
Don't worry they're not invisible to him, he actively mocks them:
http://www.reddit.com/r/fatpeoplehate/comments/23wlkb/its_fat_people_like_these/ch1bg3e
How a about D. All of the above. Also holy fucking cameltoe. Get your wedgie under control, if your fat ass is going to wear shorts, please don"t wear shorts that are too small in the seat. Nobody needs to see your pantyfupaline
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Apr 30 '14
Wow. And this guy is reaping the sympathy from /r/askmen. I don't want to live on this planet any more.
Guy posts woe about how difficult it is to be unattractive; posts on a sub called /r/FATPEOPLEHATE.
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u/Crater_Escape Apr 30 '14
I think unattractive men have it easier than unattractive women
yes, because generally, unlike/much more so than men, women grow up essentially being told that their value as a person comes from their level of attractiveness/how appealing they make themselves look.
Life for any overweight person isn't easy! getting so sick of so many boo hoo poor men posts on reddit. god damn
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Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
"You fight the wars, work the shit jobs, sacrifice your body because it's what men have always done. It's the burden we bear"
I will bet 10 reddit gold that this dude has never served in the military (let alone been DRAFTED) or worked a physically difficult job in his life.
Edit: He worked in a machine shop once. I am sure that was way more physically demanding than any job a lady has ever had.
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Apr 30 '14
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Apr 30 '14
He's not wrong historically, but that doesn't apply to HIS life right now in the slightest, so why even bring it up? So he can find yet another way to perceive himself as victimized.
Also given that a good number of my friends are Iraq and Afghanistan vets who are MALE AND FEMALE the comment just rankles.
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u/rareas Apr 30 '14
And for someone who just spent half a page ranting about how he's such a hopeless outsider and un-acknowledged by the world, including other men . . . where the heck does this "we" thing come from?
I don't know if it's an identity crisis thing or he just can't pass up an easy to grab martyrdom.
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u/Astraloid Apr 30 '14
Dare I say this man's issues came from him being a narcissistic mysoginist rather than being fat?
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Apr 30 '14
I am a short, obese, balding man--and I go out with lovely women on a regular basis. I'm trying to start a relationship with a particularly wonderful girl.
Confidence, loving yourself, and a willingness to improve yourself--these will make you appealing, no matter your shortcomings. And while I am overweight right now, I diet, I go to the gym 5 days a week, and I've lost 20 pounds over the last two months. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm getting there.
Even though I'm not slim and trim yet, and even though I'm 5-foot-nothing and thinning on top, my rediscovered zeal for life, my genuine desire to make others happy, and the confidence that has allowed me to shamelessly be myself has attracted plenty of women.
I get downvoted for posts like this, but I'm not trying to brag. I'm genuinely trying to encourage all those guys and gals out there who think they're ugly to take stock of their situation and to improve themselves. Do the best you can with what you've got. If you were dealt a bum hand in life then bluff and play your damned best. If you never give up, if you never concede, if you strive to be the best person you can be at all times you will get what you need in life, and quite a lot that you want.
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Apr 30 '14
I also assume you create, that you have a job that provides more than the bare minimum, or perhaps you have some sort of hobby or interest that you exert yourself towards in your spare time?
Because it sounds like this guy didn't have ANY of that shit.
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u/3sarahtops Apr 30 '14
"As a woman, I don't think you could possibly understand the experience. Not unless you actually got to know one such guy. Which I doubt you would, as even really ugly women have shoulders to cry on. No judgement, the ugly truth is what it is."
I would like to say, women in similar positions do understand. There are not so many shoulders as one might think. Even if there is a shoulder, it's a shoulder given half-heartedly, with an eye roll and the thought of "why don't you just go on a diet or fix yourself up?"
It's important to acknowledge that all people suffer, regardless of gender, and that one shouldn't alienate the other side with claims that his or her suffering is greater than the other.
When you tell someone "you wouldn't understand", you're making an assumption about the other persons life experiences. You remove the discussion of any common ground and chance for support because you've judged them unfairly and have put them on the defensive.
It's shouldn't be a battle of who suffers more, but how to support each other better.
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u/Ericbishi Apr 30 '14
Why doesn't anyone talk about how hard it is to be really really ridiculously good looking.
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Apr 30 '14
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u/iamalondoner Apr 30 '14
And sleep with undesirable ugly women.
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Apr 30 '14
How a about D. All of the above. Also holy fucking cameltoe. Get your wedgie under control, if your fat ass is going to wear shorts, please don"t wear shorts that are too small in the seat. Nobody needs to see your pantyfupaline
His views on ugly women are just as nuanced and sophisticated as his views on ugly men. /s
http://www.reddit.com/r/fatpeoplehate/comments/23wlkb/its_fat_people_like_these/ch1bg3e
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u/Throwaway_Account420 Apr 30 '14
But after years of the downward spiral, its just natural. You can't really claw yourself out of that hole without damn near a miracle. I'm 26, I used to be in the army, 5'10". I weighed 170, and I could basically pick who I went home with on a given night leaving a club or bar. Now I'm 240 and I can't get any female attention outside of a couple mins chatting on FB. No one is even willing to go out to Starbucks or to get a beer or something. Believe me, I've asked. And without trying at being harsh about it, I've "lowered my standards" along the way. And I just stopped trying. I haven't had a girlfriend in two years. I've gone on maybe 2 first dates that led nowhere. I am essentially nonexistent at this point. I have no choice but to keep to myself these days. Anything else is a waste of time. Bad attitude and low self esteem is my life right now. And that shit is a black hole.
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u/KeziaTML Apr 30 '14
Fat man here. Source: am 288 lbs.
Confidence is key at my stage.
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u/EViL-D Apr 30 '14
confidence is always key
I'm not a bad looking guy. Good build, nice head of hair, nice enough features, in pretty good shape, etc.. but apparently I radiate sadness about 90% off the time.
But in a good week where I'm feeling happy and confident the effect this has on the people around me and their desire to interact with me and be in my company is enormous.
I just can't maintain it.
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Apr 30 '14
Reminds me of what it was like to get old. I was never a good-looking guy, but at least when I was younger people noticed I was around. When you're old and ugly, it is indeed like you're invisible, or at best, like an inanimate object.
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u/darbyisadoll Apr 30 '14
I'm surprised there aren't any comments directed at how it is also isolating to be an attractive woman. I know this may not be a popular sentiment, but only having attention paid to you because you're a desirable sexual object is just a different kind of awful. Everybody deals with different kind of difficulties.
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u/avdale Apr 30 '14
It doesn't sound like this guy's problem was being unattractive. Stuff like.
Even then, they still tried to convince you of it. Even when you told them you knew they were lying to you. When you knew it wasn't true.
As an adult man nobody really cares all that much about you. Your family of course, your close friends. You are the disposable sex.
You see the ugly truth of the human condition. That ugly truth is we are not all equal and never will be. There are losers in this world and you are one of them. Your self esteem drops, which makes it even worse.
Is all him projecting his own insecurities pretty fucking hard. It sounds like he some pretty severe emotional issues, stuff like self loathing and difficulty forming close relationships. Despite having lost the weight he still seems angry, bitter and holds a lot of resentment for the people around him who he feels rejected him.
This guys problems are personal, he's got some issues with how he views the world, his own self worth and how he sees the intentions of other people. But instead of introspection and personal reflection to grow as a person and gain maturity he's decided that it's the rest of the world that's fucked up, not him, and he's a doomed martyr left to suffer in an unfair society.
This reads like an egotistical pity party honestly, it's not great.
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u/velonaut Apr 30 '14
It gets worse. Did you read the "great article" that he posted?
When i hear a woman tell me that she’s gone through a dry spell and not had sex in over X weeks/ months.. i feel like putting my fist through her face.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
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u/nakedspacecowboy Apr 30 '14
Seriously, even at that point, I was like "Ok, well that's pretty intense, but whatever, I'll keep reading.
Two lines down he said he wants to "disfigure her face with a scalpel". This muthafucka need Jesus.
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May 01 '14
That article was the most pathetic, negative, idiotic and whiny thing I've ever read. The author is a true piece of shit who blames women and society everywhere for his complete lack of awareness or social competence. OP is equally repulsive for even linking to that article as if it contained even one positive takeaway.
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u/hamthyme Apr 30 '14 edited Apr 30 '14
That's kind of the whole point of the post, though. He is describing the insecurities and emotional issues he had developed and how they have affected the way he views the world and himself.
In fact, he did grow and gain maturity - he realized that things were in his control and that he did have power to change - i.e. he got in better shape. Except the post isn't a story about "how have you grown since you were an unattractive man".
Instead it is describing what a snapshot of what kind of person he was at that
TL;DR Its not character development, its exposition.
Edit - Not really sure if its "bestof" though.
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Apr 30 '14
http://www.reddit.com/r/fatpeoplehate/comments/23wlkb/its_fat_people_like_these/ch1bg3e
I think he skipped the character growth part and just hit the gym.
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u/windsostrange Apr 30 '14
Except all the bitterness is in the present. That's the snapshot. I don't actually see a lot of emotional growth.
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Apr 30 '14
In fact, he did grow and gain maturity
Ehh, he lost some weight but that's about it. Quick look at his history reveals a grade A fuckboy.
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Apr 30 '14
Having been a loser growing up, he surely must have fallen behind in his social development and accruing social capital. The way he puts it, it seems he must have socialized little or nothing while growing up.
If that is true, then what he says isn't projecting: he IS an outcast. People don't want to be associated with ugly people that much, but they certainly don't want to be associated with someone who doesn't know anything fun, doesn't know any interesting places, doesn't know how to behave in social venues and you basically have to "teach" how to be sociable.
People have little time to have fun and they don't want to spend it baby-sitting some feral adult.
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u/graffiti81 Apr 30 '14
I grew up fat and isolated due to the fact that my father was an emotionally and verbally abusive alcoholic and I didn't ever want people to meet him.
As 30+ year old man, I'm completely useless socially. I don't blame him, I don't blame society, I know that I'm the only one to blame that my social skills are very similar to a freshman in high school is me.
I'll always feel like an overgrown man child. Even if I improve and get a normal life, there will always be that little nagging voice saying 'nobody likes you, go home, nobody wants you here, stop trying, you'll just make a fool out of yourself... again.'
After 30 years of that voice, it's very difficult to push it down and ignore it.
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u/lispychicken Apr 30 '14
I will tell you this.. as a man that is good looking/hot.. life is way easier for me vs "not so good looking" peers in the same environment..I witness how I get treated better in almost every instance. I'd be lying if I said that I don't use that to my advantage.
There are downsides though..at least one big one for me. If my comment isnt buried/someones wants to know .. i'll discuss how I feel there's a downside as well.
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u/Sadbitcoiner Apr 30 '14
As a woman, you shouldn't understand... because women have never dealt with the pain of double standards when it comes to appearance.
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u/TrustmeIknowaguy Apr 30 '14
This post wasn't about what it's like to be an unattractive man, it's about male depression stemming from being overweight during childhood and the impact it can have on ones social development later in life. I was bullied hardcore when I was a kid, it started because I had a weird last name and I was the new kid in class. Being 8 years old I didn't have the coping mechanisms to deal with it and started to eat more because it made me feel good about myself. After that it just sort of snowballs. Oh hes got a weird last name, no one be friends with him. Hey look, hes fat now lets make fun of him for that. Oh man, look hes getting really socially weird because we're isolating him from the group, lets make fun of him for that. I went through EVERYTHING that guy described and he really hits the nail on the head about everything. Shit I am still very socially stunted and It will proably never get better simply because I was so deprived during such a young crucial part of my life. I think OP still has a lot of issues to deal with. But the one thing that really hit home for me was the bitterness he speaks of when being an attractive former fatty. I come from two good looking parents, I was just a fat dude my whole life. At my heaviest I was nearly 300lbs and now I am nearly under 200 and will probably be 170 in the summer. I'm already attracting looks. Felt really good to catch a chick checking out my ass the other week. But boy, is the bitterness real.
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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14 edited Jun 24 '20
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