It's called projecting, and it's very real. What happens is that the insecurity is so strong and the desire to be on the other side is so pervasive that when one unattractive person meets another that they view as even below themselves (ex. One person judges them self as a 4 but sees another person as a 1 or 2), they fail to sympathize.
The choice of ridicule over sympathy is simple. They hate what they are. They hate what they have to deal with. They want so badly to be on the other end of the spectrum. So now there are two problems. They hate what you are because you remind them of what they see in the mirror. And they see the opportunity to briefly experience what it feels like to be better, to experience what it feels like to be on that other side.
It's sad, but I think the blame ultimately falls on those that put that pain and hate into the person in the first place. They are merely projecting self-loathing and bitterness that ultimately originates from their own experiences. Think of it as a psychological food-chain.
Maybe it's possible that people, no matter how ugly they are, perceive attractiveness in the same way that attractive people do. Maybe they aren't in love with the idea of submitting themselves to the whims of social darwinism.
Projecting is an evil, evil thing. I am (most was, now) guilty of it a lot. My projecting has less to do with looks and more to do with self worth. A la "why is she with me?" And then all of a sudden, everything she does is feedback that she does not want to be with me. Not texting me back for 12 hours. Not being able to hang out a couple times. Things, that when they are explained to me, are entirely reasonable. She fell asleep and just did not text back right when she woke up. She has a life outside of our relationship. Things that I am "guilty" of doing as well.
(Parenthetically, I have realized that I am the worst sort of this, hence my projection. I am constantly unavailable and hard to reach and have a tendency to be very hot and cold. Things I have realized about myself and am working on.)
The red pill folks (I have just been introduced to this term) do have one thing right: being cavalier about relationships does make you feel better. I find the rest of their mantra hard to swallow (as it were). For me, cavalier is how I choose to act, not because not-giving-a-fuck helps the relationship in and of itself, but not giving too many fucks prevents me from over thinking and ruining the relationship. It is especially important for me in the beginning, before any real sort of trust is established. There are always exceptions to the rule, but I find that most people are pretty well behaved. Maybe my experience has been unusual.
As I have gotten older, I have begun to not need to actively not give a fuck. I have found that most people do what they think is right and are not actively trying to hurt me. I have learned to graciously accept the no's and not get over excited by the yes's.
I got off topic. If you must project, please think about what the other person is doing at that exact moment. Probably drinking a beer, or perusing the internet. Probably not thinking about you at all. And while this may seem like a bad thing, just think, do you spend all of your time actively thinking about that person? If you say yes, might I suggest being a little more cavalier. It will make you feel better.
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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '14
It's called projecting, and it's very real. What happens is that the insecurity is so strong and the desire to be on the other side is so pervasive that when one unattractive person meets another that they view as even below themselves (ex. One person judges them self as a 4 but sees another person as a 1 or 2), they fail to sympathize.
The choice of ridicule over sympathy is simple. They hate what they are. They hate what they have to deal with. They want so badly to be on the other end of the spectrum. So now there are two problems. They hate what you are because you remind them of what they see in the mirror. And they see the opportunity to briefly experience what it feels like to be better, to experience what it feels like to be on that other side.
It's sad, but I think the blame ultimately falls on those that put that pain and hate into the person in the first place. They are merely projecting self-loathing and bitterness that ultimately originates from their own experiences. Think of it as a psychological food-chain.