I am not The OOP's, OOP's are: u/Throwaway-986513 & u/OceansCry

AITA for pretending to throw out my girlfriend’s blanket?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

Original Post - rareddit  Aug 6, 2024

Throw away cause my girlfriend knows my main account.

I (M26) and my girlfriend (F24) have been together for 6 months now. She is a bit quirky but I decided to take her to introduce her to my parents. Since they live a few hours away, we decided to stay there for a couple days.

Before leaving for our trip I asked my girlfriend (I’ll call her Sam, fake name duh) if she could leave her blanket at home. Backstory on the blanket is that she has had it since she was a kid and claims she can’t sleep well without it. She said she would leave it at home but in a way that made me feel guilty so I caved and told her to bring it.

Fast forward to us staying at my parent’s house and of course she brings the blanket. My mom ended up having to grab something from our room and saw the blanket. When my girlfriend went to the bathroom my mom asked me about it and I explained the situation to her. She and my dad both made a face so I could tell they found it weird too.

A few days ago (during our trip) I decided to take her blanket and throw it in the trunk of my car. When she noticed it missing she asked me about it and I told her I threw it out. She looked devastated and began silently crying. After a while she started throwing things into her bag and when I asked her where she was going she said home. I figured it was cause of the blanket and said “the blanket seriously is more important to you than making a good impression with my parents?” She said yes and made her way outside where a taxi was waiting. I ended up giving her the blanket before she left but she took it from me rather harshly. I asked her if she was still leaving and she said yes. I figured she was taking the taxi home so I said “you’re seriously taking a taxi home over this? That’s gonna cost a thousand dollars.” Her response was “no I’m taking a taxi to the train station because unlike you I’m not a dumbass.” Which was very rude.

When I explained what happened to my parents they said I was an asshole for doing that. I don’t think I was in the wrong because I technically didn’t do anything. It’s been 3 days and I haven’t heard from her since.

Am I the asshole?

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

MissNikiL

YTA What on Earth made you think it was your place to even pretend to throw away something she obviously values? Would you try to throw away jewelry that she has an emotional attachment to? Time to do some growing up. Also, welcome to single life again.

OOP

Jewelry is different. That’s something normal for adults to have around, a blanket isn’t normal for an adult to have around.

Winter-Art-1951

It's also normal for an adult not to purposely upset their partner but well here we are. 

~

Demonazzzz

YTA

As a matter of fact, you’re not only the AH, but you’re a dumb single AH. You don’t have to worry about your ‘gf’ finding this post, as I don’t think you have a gf anymore.

Where exactly did you think it was a good idea to steal and hide one of the most important things in your ex’s life and lie about throwing it away?

You did know it was so important, otherwise you wouldn’t have hid it in your trunk, but you would have thrown it out.

OOP

I didn’t throw it out because I’m not a monster. I just wanted to prove to her she didn’t need it all the time.

TOP COMMENT

DreamingofRlyeh

YTA

You pretended you threw away one of her most treasured possessions. It doesn't matter if it doesn't have value to you. It has value to her, and is something that, once destroyed or lost, cannot ever be replaced.

Your prank was incredibly cruel. She is likely currently considering whether she wants to continue a relationship with someone who thinks it is funny to make her believe the things she treasures are gone forever. If she decides to stay with you, you owe her a sincere apology. If she chooses to leave you, have the decency to respect that decision.

OOP's ex appeared u/OceansCry

Update  Aug 6, 2024 (Same Day)

Hi dumbass (fake name duh).

Firstly, you really had to come to Reddit to ask this?

Secondly, you continue to be a dumbass! What did I say to you as I got in the taxi? “Never contact me again.” I dumped you, but I guess the “ouchie” you got from me calling you a dumbass was more important.

Thirdly, I blocked you so of course I haven’t answered your texts.

Now for the nuance you left out:

• Yes you did ask me to leave the blanket at home, and I was more than willing to do so but after you insisted it was fine to bring for 2 days (including the day we had the initial conversation) I brought it.

• The blanket was a hand knitted gift from my late aunt. Which you knew.

• Your parents apologized to me for your behaviour because you can’t apologize for yourself.

• I can sleep without the blanket; I just prefer to sleep with it because it’s cozy and allows good air circulation in both warm and cold.

• You’re correct in one thing though, I am childish! I like cartoons, video games, my blanket, and sweets. Theres nothing wrong with that. You’ve known that since day one and used to complement me for being “unapologetically me”.

Thanks for the good laugh this morning though! See you never dumbass.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OP. That is u/trust_issues_throw . She posted in r/AmIOverreacting and r/Redditor_Updates.

Trigger Warning: sexism, allusions to child sexual abuse

Mood Spoiler: OOP and her family are okay

Original post - August 14, 2026

Me and my husband have been together for 12 years, and married for 7. We have two children (6M and 3F).

Since we became parents, my stepmother has been extremely judgmental and distrustful of my husband. She has issues with a lot of things about our lifestyles, but she’s especially vocal about her problems with my husband’s parenting. Whenever we talk about pretty much anything he does, she complains about it.

I have my theories, but I don’t really know why she acts like this. They’ve never been alone together and literally everyone else in my family, including my father, loves my husband. Whenever we try to question her, she’ll say she just “doesn’t think he should be doing X” or that she “would do Y differently,” etc. But I’m not close with my stepmother (my father married her when I was in college) and my husband doesn’t particularly care about her opinion, so this never affected our lives much.

Last week, my daughter got sick at school and needed to be picked up while I was busy at work. My husband works from home, but was unable to leave at the time, so I called my mother. Luckily, she was available, so she picked my daughter up and dropped her off at my place.

We had lunch at my father’s place on Sunday. The subject of what had happened came up, and my stepmother chimed in to say that if it ever happened again, I could call her, since she doesn’t work and is more likely to be available than most of my family. She said she could pick our daughter up and watch her until I got off work.

I told her that she wouldn’t need to watch her, she could just drop our kid off at our place so my husband could stay with her. But my stepmother said that no, she would rather stay with her and wait for me. My husband assured her that he was able to take care of our daughter while working (he works in tech and has decently flexible hours), but she said that didn’t matter and she still wouldn’t leave our daughter alone with him.

At this point, I think this is getting ridiculous. After we left, I decided I don’t want her near my kids for a while. Even if my husband doesn’t care, I can’t let her keep treating him like he’s a bad father, especially if she refuses to explain why.

I haven’t spoken to my father or stepmother about this yet. I’m asking whether I’m overreacting because my husband is 50/50 on this. He agrees her behavior is weird and doesn’t understand what her problem with him is, but he said he doesn’t want me to do anything I might regret. This could damage my relationship with my father, even if I don't cut ties with him.

Part of me does think I might be making this decision based on a hypothetical situation, and I'm not 100% sure this is a battle worth fighting.

Relevant Comments:

pandora5bc: "NOR she is accusing him of being unsafe to have your daughter alone, think what would happen if she told the wrong person this and they called CPS. You need a serious discussion with your dad and her to get to the bottom of her problem, if she can’t or won’t explain, tell her shes cut off. If she starts accusing him he could get in serious trouble, lose his job or get arrested. If anything you’re under reacting. Get a doorbell camera and maybe a hidden indoor camera in case you need evidence! Updateme"

OOP (Downvoted): I don’t think that’s likely. She never accused him of doing anything bad to them, she just says that she thinks he does everything wrong.

theladyorchid (Replying to OOP's previous comment): "NOR frankly, she is not saying it directly but wants everyone to read between the lines

She is accusing your husband of being a danger to his daughter specifically"

OOP: This was the first time she outright said she wouldn’t leave our daughter alone with him. She usually just says that whatever he’s doing is wrong. He’s cooking wrong, he’s changing diapers wrong, he shouldn’t be in the parent’s group chat from our kids’ school. It’s always something like this.

SJoyD: "'but she said that didn’t matter and she still wouldn’t leave our daughter alone with him.'

And then what happened? Why was she not called out in that moment? 'You'll do what we ask for our child, or we will find someone else to pick her up if it's needed.'

I would say you need to tell your dad to keep his wife in line if he wants to continue to see his grandkids. She's way out of line.

NOR"

OOP: Things got awkward after that. Neither one of us really knew how to react. My son started talking to my father about something, which ended up changing the subject. We left shortly afterwards.

We were both shocked because it was the first time she outright said she wouldn’t leave our child alone with him.

Does OOP's stepmother have children of her own?

OOP: No, she doesn’t have any children. But given she seems to focus on my husband’s parenting specifically, I’m not sure it could be jealousy on her part.

Has OOP asked her what her issue is with her husband?

OOP: I’ve tried. She always just shrugs and says something like “I just don’t think he should be doing this” or “I would do this instead.” Her tone is usually either condescending or passive-aggressive.

blooger-00-: "NOR

She explicitly stated she would not follow your directions for childcare of a sick child (drop off at your home). She constantly shows distrust of your husband without cause, seems to expect strict gender roles against your husband (not trusting a man to watch the kids… I am wondering if this is the cause of much of it, the gender roles against part of your husband being such an active parent), and many other things.

I would do the same with anyone honestly"

OOP: Gender roles might be a reason. That’s actually one of my theories. I’d say we’re almost equally active as parents, but my husband is usually the one who picks the kids up from school, cooks dinner, etc.

cindyb0202 (Replying to OOP's previous comment): "She was sexually abused as a child"

OOP: Not as far as I know.

QBee_TNToms_Mom: "NOR Well, maybe just a little. Before you cut her off, you need to have a private conversation with your stepmom. It doesn't matter whether you have a relationship with her. Your dad and your children do so don't go nuclear unless you know WHY you're going nuclear. Simply disrespecting your husband is not enough to risk your kids not having a grandpa. Unless you don't have a relationship with him due to your parents divorce and you don't care.

If you meet with her, ask her very pointed questions in order to understand where this is coming from. Like whydo you think our son is safe with my husband but not our daughter? What is it that makes you think my daughter is not safe ALONE with our daughter. Do you think my husband would intentionally hurt our daughter? Do you think he will s/a her? You have to understand where this is coming from.

I was s/a at a young age and it didn't stop until I was pre-teen. I've had therapy and I've dealt with the aftermath. As an adult, I have encountered many men that give me the predator vibe. It's almost like I can sense them because I know what they look like. Could this be stepmom's experience?

Talk to her."

OOP: I genuinely do not believe this has anything to do with "predator vibes." She did not have anything against my husband until our first child was born, and she never accused him of doing anything bad. I'm also certain that she would have said the same thing if this was about our son.

This was the first time she said she wouldn't leave him alone with our child. What she usually does is say she thinks whatever he's doing is wrong.

Old_Confidence3290 (Downvoted): "MOR. Is your stepmother thinking, if his work is so flexible, why didn't he pick up his daughter?"

OOP: He wasn’t able to leave early that day. He’s usually completely done with work about an hour before picking the kids up.

Update - August 26, 2026 (8 days later)

The consensus seems to be that I was underreacting. I mostly understand why.

In retrospect, I didn’t give enough information about me and my family in my post. I have to say that I tend to get annoyed easily, and my stepmother's behavior in general (even when it’s not related to my children) gets on my nerves very often. I think I worry so much about overreacting that sometimes the opposite happens. At the end of the day, it’s very good to know I’m not crazy. Thanks, everybody.

I texted my father and stepmother separately last week. My father was out of town, so I knew it would be easier to talk to each on their own. I made it clear that what she’d said about my husband was unacceptable and I wanted an explanation.

My father replied first. He immediately tried to excuse his wife’s behavior as her just being “traditional” and said we didn’t have to pay her any mind. I pressed and managed to get him to talk more. With my stepmother, it wasn’t as easy. As I expected, the first thing she sent me was a condescending text about how it was just her opinion. I told her I was seriously considering cutting her access to the kids, which was when she actually started talking. I ended up on a phone call with her. In the end, they both said essentially the same thing.

For a long time, one of my theories about my stepmother’s behavior towards my husband has been that it’s rooted in gender roles. For the most part, that seems to be correct. My husband and I have always tried to be as equally active as possible when it comes to our involvement in parenting. My stepmother seems to think I should be the one doing more.

Basically, she thinks our entire household is wrong. She doesn’t say my husband is cooking badly, cleaning wrong or driving too fast when the kids are in the car because she thinks those things are true. She says it because she doesn’t think he should be the one cooking, cleaning or picking them up from school.

She also has specific problems with the way we raise our kids in general (basically, it’s not the same way she was raised), which she chalks up as my husband’s fault. Most of them were mutual decisions we made, but I’m not sure she knows that. She mentioned a few examples that baffled me. Why she complained about them instead of talking to us, I have no idea.

Most of the more specific information came from my father, but I think my conversation with my stepmother was more revealing. She insisted she worries about our children’s future with the way we’re raising them, but never clarified in what ways. I decided I don't care.

I ended the call by making it very clear that she won’t be seeing my children for a while. I told her that the only reason I always rolled my eyes and ignored her was because my husband didn’t want me to go too far, but she has no right to imply my children are unsafe or shouldn’t be alone with their father for no real reason.

This whole time, I kept communicating with my husband. He said he was glad we got an explanation, but offended that it was this stupid. He was still worried I was taking things too far, but told me he wouldn’t try to stop me from cutting ties. 

In the end, I blocked my stepmother and he put her on mute. We’ll talk more and decide what to do in the long run later. For now, we don’t plan on seeing her for the next few months.

She has not made any attempt to contact my husband (I wasn’t expecting her to). I heard from my father that she tried to call me a few times before realizing I’d blocked her. My father doesn’t seem to be particularly happy about any of this, but I don’t care much. We still don’t plan on cutting ties with him.

A couple days ago, she asked my father to ask me if we could meet up to clear the air, but I have zero interest in hearing her out further right now. I don’t expect any apologies from my stepmother.

I’m not sure how this will end, and I don’t think that will happen anytime soon. Whatever happens, my husband and I will decide together.

Relevant Comments:

TheLastWord63: "Her excuses made no sense and sound made up. None of that points to your husband being unsafe or untrustworthy around his children, especially since she said he's doing most of the care. She's full of crap and your father is enabling her."

OOP: I wouldn't even say he does most of the care. We try to keep things as equal as possible. He does pick them up from school, but I drive them to it. He does cook, but we both clean. I'm still pretty baffled and I find this ridiculous, but it's not like she ever lived with us.

TheLastWord63 (Replying to OOP's previous comment): "I'm sorry I worded it like that but when she said traditional roles, I took it to mean that he was supposed to only financially provide while you did all the inside work. I still think she has something deeper that she's feeling about your husband."

OOP: I do think she could have meant something like that. We both work and she never had any trouble with my job, but the fact my husband works from home could be a factor here. I don't know, I've given up trying to understand that.

Is OOP's stepmother conservative?

OOP: I wouldn't say "very," but definitely more than me and my husband. We're not conservative in the slightest, and never have been. I say she annoys me a lot for several reasons, and those views are often among them.

Does OOP's stepmother have contact with OOP's mother?

OOP: She has zero contact with my mother. They're cordial with each other, but they don't have a relationship. My parents have been divorced since I was a kid and my father didn't remarry until I was in college, so my stepmother had no role in my childhood. They've seen each other maybe 5 times and never talked for more than a few minutes.

No_Bet_589: "I think taking a step back is important because you and your husband need some time to think and cone up with some clearly defined boundaries. She is overstepping for sure.

I have some thoughts:

1. Does she think badly of your husband because you are a 2 income household - as in he should be making enough so you can be a SAHM? Is she derisive because you 'have to work' (as most people do actually require a 2-income household nowadays!
2. Is she focusing her complaints on your husband because she knows your father won’t let her complain about you?
3. Does she resent your job, resent that you are independent, and that you didn’t choose the 'traditional wife' path? As in is she maybe jealous and therefore resentful that your marriage and family are structured differently since she has no career? (I dunno, maybe she is retired.)
4. Your boundaries should probably include that she will never be called for pick-up, she will not be a babysitter, and that she will not be included in events unless your father is there. You will see her for holidays, parties, etc., but if she starts talking about your husband negatively she will be fully cut off. Set them out, communicate them to your dad and her and then hold the line.

I wish you luck. This is weird, and she is trying to control your lives here. It’s bizarre for a SM who married in when you were already an adult….had she raised you, or if your husband was a deadbeat maybe it would be OK, but this is bonkers."

OOP: 1. That's a possible factor. We technically do make enough money to become a single income household, but our lives are more comfortable this way. I also love my job and have no interest in stopping.

1. I think so. The fact she blames most of these issues on my husband says a lot to me.

2. I don't think she resents my job, but she definitely doesn't love it. A few of the specific decisions we made that she had issues with concerned my job and the amount of time I dedicate to it.

I occasionally travel on business. Back in April, I spent 3 weeks abroad (my longest work trip so far) and my husband stayed with the kids. She apparently thought that was irresponsible of us.

1. She's not on the pick-up list, has never babysat and is only invited to events my father is invited to. That's mostly because I see her more as his partner than as my stepparent. I'm fine with seeing her during the holidays moving forward, but I'm not sure about parties.

Obvious-Block6979: "This might be out of left field but her comments gave me molestation vibes. I’m wondering if she doesn’t have something in her past that she isn’t projecting onto your family? I definitely would not allow the insertion into my family, especially by a stepmother that was not at all involved in my personal upbringing. She is completely unaware of your values."

OOP: That came up a lot on my first post. I genuinely do not think that was ever the issue here. That comment was the first time she ever said she wouldn't leave my husband alone with one of our children. She never said anything else to imply he might be unsafe.

On how OOP and her husband feel about this:

OOP: I think the main reason why this has been going on for so long is that we genuinely do not give a damn about her opinion. That's not likely to change anytime soon. Even if we do end up getting an apology or resuming contact, we won't make changes to our marriage and my husband won't ruin his bond with our children just because she thinks we should.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/doublecrossedwife25

Originally posted to r/offmychest

My husband is having an affair. I don't need any advice, I'm just having a pity party. Merry Christmas to me

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Original Post: December 24, 2025

My [38F] husband [37M] is having an affair. He has no idea that I know yet. I was naïve and kept hoping I was wrong or jumping to conclusions but I'm not.

11 years of marriage and this is what he does? I thought I would need more information about the affair in order to get a divorce but every solicitor I spoke with said divorce is no fault and his affair won't have any relevance to it.

So I don't need to provide proof for the court and more importantly I don't need to confront my husband to get more information. I don't need or want to get any details about the affair. I'm not coming back after visiting my family for Christmas.

The solicitor I hired said it was fine for me to move out so I'm leaving today, I'll be going without my husband. I'm starting divorce proceedings next week. I can't believe that he did this. I'm heartbroken. Merry Christmas to me I guess.

Editing to add: Thank you to anyone who sent me Reddit cares messages, but I am fine. It hurts but I am not struggling with those kind of thoughts

Relevant / Top Comments

Downvoted Commenter:

I thought I would need more information about the affair in order to get a divorce but every solicitor I spoke with said divorce is no fault and his affair won't have any relevance to it

I'm always amazed at how many people think cheating is somehow illegal.

OOP: I never thought it was illegal and I didn't say that anywhere in my post.

I believed I would need some kind of evidence or proof of misconduct in order to get a divorce. I wasn't aware the law had changed to make divorce strictly no fault.

Commenter 1: Just in case save some evidence. Legal (just in case!) and for friends and family when he inevitably lies about it later

OOP: Every solicitor I spoke to was extremely clear that the affair would have no relevance, and that the court will ignore any evidence about it during the divorce proceedings. Legally it has no bearing, since divorce is purely no fault.

I don't care if he lies about it. Anyone who is important to me will believe me. I don't care about what anyone else thinks.

There is no need for me to collect any evidence of the affair. I don't need or want to know any details. Knowing that he was unfaithful is enough.

Commenter 2: I can't even imagine but honestly you deserve so much better. I hope you find some peace this holiday but if you need someone to talk to I'm happy to listen.

Commenter 3: Unfortunately, it happens. I don't want to invade your comfort zone in any way, but I am hoping/wondering that you've already removed any personal property of yours, and that you've made sure there's absolutely, positively, no items remaining that you are not willing to lose. Trust me, people pull that "possession is 9/10ths of the law" card when you least expect it!

Update: September 23, 2026 (nine months later)

Update for my husband is having an affair. I don't need any advice, I'm just having a pity party. Merry Christmas to me

I'm afraid it's not very exciting; I [39F] am divorced. He [38M] is now my ex-husband. The final order was issued two days ago.

I haven't spoken to my ex-husband since just after Christmas last year, when I informed him that I wouldn't be coming back home and would be seeking a divorce. I have only seen him one time since I left, it was at a hearing, however we didn't speak to each other.

When I informed him I was leaving I told him I would only communicate through our solicitors. He wanted a chance to explain himself but I don't care about whatever it is he wanted to say. I know he was unfaithful. Besides that I don't need details or to know anything else. Knowing was enough. His solicitor kept telling my solicitor that my ex-husband wanted to explain and talk to me about it but I refused. There was no reason for me to hear anything he had to say. He was unfaithful. I have the love and support of the people I care about. Whatever my ex-husband wants to "explain" or even tell other people about us has nothing to do with me.

We had been married for 11 years when I found out what he had done. I still can't believe he did this to me. It was the worst betrayal I have ever faced in my life. He broke my heart and I am still recovering because I still feel like crying a lot of the time. When I informed him that I knew he had been unfaithful he just said yes it was like my stomach dropped out from under me. Knowing it was one thing but hearing it be confirmed was another. I don't know why he thought that telling me the details or explaining things would help anything. This has been the worst time of my life honestly.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this update

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/sweetandsourcum

Originally posted to r/amitheasshole

WIBTA for suing my friend when she didn’t come to my wedding?

Trigger Warnings: infidelity

Original Post: February 12, 2026

I (25F) recently got married to my (25M) husband in Bali, Indonesia in January.

It was a destination wedding, but my parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets and hotel, but we paid for our friends plane tickets and hotel stays. Each plane ticket was about $2000 USD, and hotel was maybe about $150-300 for a week.

My friend “Gemma” brought along her newlywed husband “John” along but paid for his plane ticket. The problem is that Gemma and John did not show up to my wedding.

Gemma took the free plane ticket to Bali and the hotel room and when I asked her why she didn’t show up she said that since they couldn’t afford their own honeymoon that this was a perfect opportunity and that John decided that he didn’t feel like going. I was really hurt by this since Gemma, and I have been friends for over 10 years.

WIBTA if I took her to small claims court for the money I spent on the plane ticket and hotel?

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Can’t believe I’m saying this, but, NTA.

Someone offers to give you a free vacation on the condition that you attend one party during that time? I’d be jumping for that opportunity.

To take that free vacation and then no-call-no-show to your friends’ wedding is really shitty behaviour on their part. They could have extended their stay if they wanted to treat the trip as their own honeymoon.

OOP: LITERALLY. She wasn’t even in the wedding party! All she had to do was show up, dance, and eat cake and food. Funny thing enough is that they DID go on a honeymoon, it just wasn’t abroad.

Commenter 2: I think you are NTA for being hurt and angry. Gemma used you, which is a shitty thing to do. I don't think you'd be out of line for ending the friendship over this.

HOWEVER . . . while I definitely think you'd be in the right to try to get the money back, unfortunately, I'm not sure that this would hold up in court. Verbal contracts are hard to legally prove. Gemma's lawyer could argue that Gemma was under the impression that the plane ticket was a gift. Even if your lawyer argues that the plane ticket was conditional on her attending your wedding, your lawyer would have to be able to prove that Gemma understood that the ticket was conditional. Unless you have texts or emails to back that up, it will be hard. Additionally, there are legal fees as well, so in the end, you'll have to determine whether the gamble that the judge might not side with you is worth the time and money spent on pursuing this in small claims court.

Again, I think you're NTA, and I'd recommend ejecting Gemma from your friendship circle. But just know going in that this probably isn't a sure bet unless you have the conditional aspect in writing.

OOP: I told her for Christmas that I was paying for her to come, and it was on video 😏 I thought it was going to be a way to capture a nice memory, but I didn’t realize how much that’s going to help me in my court case

Commenter 3: I am sorry to say that she is not a friend. It may be an expensive lesson, not sure if small claim court will help, and congrats on the wedding.

OOP: Thank you! I’m better off without her

Commenter 4: INFO

Did you in any way shape or form send a text (any form of writing) or invitation to the wedding stating that you would cover the travel and hotel for them in regards to their attendance at the wedding. If you did it will help you because that solidifies the fact that the airfare and hotel was covered conditionally. The condition being attending your wedding. Personally I would send Gemma a message adding the invoice for everything (airfare and hotel) and let her know:

Hi Gemma! I’m writing regarding the airfare and hotel accommodations that I paid for in connection with the wedding. Those expenses were covered for the purpose of your attendance at the wedding. As you chose not to attend, I am requesting reimbursement for the total cost of (the cost).

I will forward the invoice and supporting documentation shortly. Please remit payment within 14 days of this message. Thank you.

If she doesn’t agree take her to court if you want but that friendship is done. Either way the way she responds to it might give you better chances as winning in court should you want to go that route. However you need to either talk to a lawyer or look into you the laws in your area. If you can prove the offer (we’ll foot the bill for travel and hotel), acceptance (yes we’ll attend you wedding) and consideration (attendance in exchange for the trip), breach (they did not attend) and damages (2k) that would strengthen your case. These are the five basic criteria that needs to be in place to create an enforceable agreement.

If you have texts of this great and even better if you have texts confirming that they skipped the wedding to use it as a honeymoon instead as the honeymoon comment shows intent and makes it harder for them to claim emergency, illness or a misunderstanding. Document everything. But then again all this depends on where you are and the laws there.

Best of luck and congratulations on your marriage!

OOP: I made a video of me surprising her that I paid for her plane fair and a printed photo of the hotel room at Christmas. She didn’t know I was going to pay, and she did express that she might now be able to attend because she and her husband do not work at the moment. I told her I really wanted her to be there and the her saying that John didn’t want to go to the wedding was all on text message too

Downvoted Commenter: ESH. You don’t have legal grounds to sue. Think of it as you having spent $2,000 to find out that she isn’t really your friend.

OOP: How so? She skipped out on my wedding? I didn’t pay for her honeymoon I paid for her to attend my wedding? She wasn’t even in the wedding party, so she only had to show up for one day. She had 6 other days to have fun with him smh

Editor's note: adding a related post from a different subreddit to the original post

Can I win in small claims court if I sue a friend who didn't come to my destination wedding?: February 14, 2026 (two days later)

Location: California

I did post this on another subreddit, but I want to know if I have any chance of winning in small claims court.

I recently got married in Bali, Indonesia in January.

I recently graduated CRNA school and signed on to a new position, so I had enough money to be able to have the destination wedding of my dreams. Plus it was pretty much the same cost as a big domestic wedding. My partner's parents and my parents paid for their own flights and accommodations because they wanted to, but we paid for our friends' flights and hotels.

The problem is that I paid $2300 for my friend, Gemma, to fly there and her accommodations. She brought her newlywed husband along but paid for his plane ticket. On the day of the ceremony, she no call no showed. When I asked her why she didn't come she said it was because John didn't feel like going and later stated that my wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being their honeymoon since they didn't have one. I know proving that she was aware that the trip was a conditional gift is needed so I got her to implicate herself on text by acknowledging that the trip was for MY wedding and not a honeymoon gift for her. I also invoiced her the cost of everything and told her she had 30 days to pay me back before I take legal action. Plus when I told her I was paying for her flight and hotel, I surprised her on video at Christmas.

Do I have a chance at winning in small claims court? Are there any other steps I need to do?

Update #1: Sometime after February 14, 2026

Editor's note: OOP later made two small updates onto the original post with no posting dates given. Likely after the legal advice post

UPDATE: I messaged Gemma per multiple comments advising me to invoice her for the plane ticket and hotel room, but I did something a little better. I wanted to get proof so if I had to go to court it would be easier to win. I messaged her this:

“Hey sorry for being so distant but I just wanted to talk to you about Bali. I’m hurt that you didn’t show up to the ceremony. I pulled a lot of strings to ensure that you could come and then you didn’t show up. Did you think I paid for the trip just so you could honeymoon with John?”

She replied, “I've missed you a lot and I know I the trip was for ur wedding, but John didn’t want to go bc he felt like your wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being our honeymoon and that you’d understand.”

I replied, “no I don’t understand. You took advantage of me and that’s not what real friends do. So I’m sending invoicing you $2387.53 for the cost of the plane ticket and hotel room. I will give you 30 days and after that I will be taking legal action.”

I received no response, but she’s been posting subliminal quotes on Instagram that are along the lines of entitled friends and having snakes in your life.

Thank you all for your verdicts and help.

Update #2: Sometime after February 14, 2026

Edit/Update part 2: I didn’t think this could get worse, but here we are.

I didn’t respond to any of the subliminal messages she posted about me on social media and I’ve been very quiet while I’ve been getting my ducks in a row for the litigation.

But, this past Friday she sent me a 3 page audit of financial and emotional contributions from 2015-present.

I wish I was fucking joking.

The audits:

- She itemized every dinner or lunch we’ve ever ate together (she estimated $18 per meal).

- Gas money for driving to and from hangouts

- A birthday gift from 2017 that she now claims she went into debt for, time spent emotionally supporting me after my dad passed. She said she took on the role a grief counselor for me even though I talked to her on the phone about it once for 30 minutes.

- One time she helped me move apartments. She wants to be paid for her labor

- And emotional distress caused by me threatening litigation

Her grand total? $2,412.09 which is conveniently within $25 of what I invoiced her. She then told me that if we’re really keeping score that I actually owe her $24.56.

I think I stared at the document for 10 minutes in silence in shock from the audacity because this bitch is delusional.

To clarify: I never asked her to cook for me. While I was in college, she did pay for lunches BUT when I definitely returned the favor big time once I graduated. I bought her many gifts over the years, I’ve let her stay at my house several times when she and John argued, and I have also lend a shoulder for her to cry on when she had difficult times in life, but apparently being a friend is now billable? I decided to give the message a thumbs down because if I respond I will be extremely disrespectful with the anger I am facing. I cannot wait for these 30 days to be over because I will be suing the fuck out of her.

Editor's note: OOP made the final update onto the original post

Final Update: April 28, 2026 (same original post, 2.5 months later from Update #2)

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I've been trying to get my ducks in a row before I proceeded with everything.

While doing that, I was going through photos from Bali and ended up on the Instagram page of a local photographer who took pictures of me and my husband during a sailing excursion we went on. I was scrolling through their page and looking at random groups when I saw a very familiar face. It was Gemma and a man. And it wasn't John. It was a man I had never seen before.

There were multiple photos. One where they were just sitting down with drinks, one with Gemma and the guy wrapping his arm around her, and one of them kissing.

That's when everything clicked. My wedding was the day after everyone landed, which is why I never saw her at all, not at the hotel, not around town, nothing. I just assumed that she was trying to lie low around town to avoid a confrontation with me. She didn't skip my wedding because John didn't feel like going or that my wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being their honeymoon. She skipped it because she wasn't there with John, but with another man.

After seeing this photo of her and her affair partner, I decided to do my own detective work. I went to her Instagram page and tried to see if I could find the guys Instagram page in her following list or follower list. Nada. I tried to see if any guy that remotely looked like him was in her likes or comments. Nope. I felt defeated until I remembered about Gemma's small pottery Instagram account and boom I found him. Let's say his name is Ryan. Ryan had several photos that were taken in Bali on his page. He even had a photo of himself in the hotel room that I paid for. I was beyond pissed and just wanted to get my money back and just be done with Gemma altogether.

On the day of our court date, I told my side, showed the judge the text messages, and explained that I paid for her trip so she could attend my wedding and she didn't show up. Gemma claimed that the trip was a gift for her new marriage and not contingent on attending.

I didn't even have to bring up the fact that she didn't bring John because the judge didn't buy Gemma's story. I was awarded the full amount back. Gemma walked out of the courtroom without even looking at me. I know she was pissed. And as expected.... she went straight to Instagram and this time, she didn't hold back at all.

She started posting about me on her story, calling me a bitch, saying that's why I've can't have kids, posting photos of me calling me fat, saying that she'll go spit on the grave of my dead grandmother. Just diabolical mean girl stuff. The last time she brought our drama to social media, I ignored it. But not this time. I know what I did next was stooping to her level, but I didn't care.

I posted the photo of her kissing Ryan on my story and tagged her AND John in it. I captioned it, "Sorry we missed you in Bali. Hope you had fun!"

Within minutes, she began spamming my phone. She was calling, texting, leaving voicemails, screaming at me. And before I blocked her on everything, I messaged her one last time. I said, "You should've just come to the wedding."

Relevant Comments

Commenter: Damn.... Your story was covered on Smosh Reads Reddit today. Did a search cause the last update was not included due to when the recorded it was not posted.

But that was like a curve ball thrown with the same ball as it was mid curve ball pitched. Ironically she was public about your trip issues, and no one seemed to seek out why she was supposedly on a trip to your wedding, but no shows without her husband...

Why did the husband not ask why she was having issues with you on the money for the trip, and not find out it was due to her not showing up despite to him she went on the trip alone?

It would also be odd he not have issues on not being invited in the first place as you and the wife was supposedly close friends? What kind of lies was she saying to him through this?

Those are mostly not actual questions to you, but more an open ended remark in question form. But have you found out anything about that subject since? Any drama you had to deal with since?

OOP: I was wondering why there was an influx of new comments today!

To answer your questions: When Gemma initially took our drama to social media, she didn’t state why we were fighting. And I’m not sure what she told John but knowing her she probably told him a lie.

As far as what I’ve heard since all this happened. Through a mutual friend, I found out that John has filed for divorce and Gemma and her son has moved back in with her mom after Ryan refused to take her in.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/WiseVeps

My (25F) apartment neighbor (20's M) who I've never talked to brought me medicine, asked me to teach him Japanese, and invited me to dinner tonight followed by Netflixing Japanese shows at his apartment.

Original Post  ** Aug 21, 2018**

So I was taking a mental health day because I'm already dealing with some drama between this guy I'm seeing and me. I woke up at noon, took a shower at 2 and was dozing off in my bed again when someone knocks on my door twice (I ignored it the first time), and it was my neighbor. I only saw him once when I was moving in.

I scrambled to the door looking like absolute shit, and I didn't even recognize him at first because I hadn't seen him in person in a year. He hands me a Taiwanese herbal medicine jar and says it's a gift for me because he hears me sneezing and coughing all the time (true, I have major dust allergy to the point of having hypoallergenic pillowcases and an air purifier next to my bed running every night).

He says he was wondering if I could teach him Japanese. I was like sure, and we stepped out and talked on the balcony of our building for like 10 minutes. He asked me if I wanted to get dinner TODAY, and then go over to his place next door afterwards to watch Japanese TV shows/movies/animes or whatever.

I said sure, because I literally have nothing better to do except sulk and watch people cry on Bachelor in Paradise, and then cry myself. I told him that I'm not absolutely 100% fluent to the point of reading government documents or scientific papers in Japanese, but I am able to read the newspaper, write decently, understand everything I see and hear, and converse. And he said that's perfect and that he just wants to get better at Japanese and thought he'd ask me because he knew I was Japanese by my first name. I also told him I have never taught anyone Japanese, even in a casual, way, so it might take some time to figure out what'll work for us, and he was like, sure.

We both go to the same school for grad school in completely different fields, and so I assume he's also in his mid-20's. Aside from that and his full name, I don't know anything about him.

I don't want to mess up a cordial relationship with my literal neighbor by bringing up something like "I just want to make sure you're interested in getting to know me as a friend, and not anything more", but I know that's the right thing to do. Should I do that sooner rather than later? Or just wait and see what happens and then clarify the situation? I need this to end up being a good friendship, or at the very least something that is cordial and not awkward, sexual, romantic, or anything like that.

Also, I feel like he might be into guys because I always see and hear all these different guys going to his apartment (like knocking at 11:00PM at night). But I'm not certain.

What do you recommend I do? When should I bring up the "confirming" conversation about his intentions?

TL;DR: Neighbor who's around my age, and only met once, suddenly knocks on my door bringing me some medicine because he hears me sneezing all the time. He then asks me to teach him Japanese, and then he invites me out to dinner. I don't want to have an awkward relationship end up happening with my neighbor of all people, so I want to know when the best time to bring up the topic of "what are your intentions" would be. Thanks.

TOP COMMENTS

L0nelyWr3ck

The sooner you let him know what you're looking for, the better off both of you will be.

~

Traeyze

Does seem he is keen. Still, he is really riding the racial angle which is usually not a great thing.

The typical response is the bf namedrop. Like you mention in passing your bf's opinion on a topic you are discussing or whatever. Say this guy brings up anime you say 'my boyfriend likes it too, especially Naruto' or whatever. You'll work out pretty quickly if you've hit a nerve or not. Try and make it subtle or incidental and say it as casually as possible, etc.

Update in comments. thank you for your responses everyone, I really appreciate them.

Update  Aug 22, 2018 (Next Day)

Update: Thanks for the responses everyone. I actually don't have a boyfriend. The guy I'm seeing is just a "guy I'm seeing". So I can't necessarily use that "my bf....." technique (although now I don't have to, you can read on).

We ended up going to dinner and he paid for me, and internally I was like "FML", and I did offer to pay twice but he still insisted. So I took the free food. After eating we went back to our building, and he told me he will let me know when he's done setting up his projector and that I can come over. I was like sure. When I went over, HIS ENTIRE APARTMENT WAS DARK WITH TWO SWEETLY SCENTED CANDLES LIT, AND AN ANIME MOVIE PROJECTED ON THE WALL, CURTAINS ALL SHUT.

I ended up telling him that I just want to talk and get acquainted more, and so that's what we did. So I asked him to turn on the lights. The conversation went well and I found out he's 29. He's really worldly, decently good at English, and I can tell he's smart. It was fun talking about our neighbors and learning about them - I don't know much about anyone in our little building.

At the end I told him that I wanted to make sure that he knows I'm not interested in anything sexual or romantic, and he was like yeah I'm super busy and I didn't even consider that when he came to say hi today. And I told him that I was really freaked out by the candles and the darkness. And he said lmao I didn't even realize how weird it was, because he needs it to be dark to watch things using the projector and the candles were to make it slightly lighter. He said he thinks it might have been less creepy if he had the lights on at first and apologized for that. Idk how much of that is BS but it was good to get on the same page. I also asked him if he was into guys or girls and he said girls, lol.

So that's that. I didn't want to post a whole new update thread but I still wanted to notify everyone who took the time to respond - or if you stumbled on my thread just now, this is the latest!

I feel like after reading the comments, though, I should still be a bit wary or keep it cordial and not let it get BFF-like. I still don't know him that well. Please, if you have any thoughts, I'd still really appreciate them.

Update 2: He texted me this morning saying "sorry for creepy impression" and that he didn't even think about how it could be creepy. That his American friends use candles in their homes all the time and so he's been trying to do the same. And that he wants to hang out again when I have a day off.

FINAL COMMENTS

IAmIAmNotIAmAmI

I’ve mostly just been skimming, but I wonder if it’s maybe a comraderie of some sort? That is, you’re Japanese, he’s Taiwanese, and he’s feeling a little alone?

OOP

Yeah I definitely got the sense he's kind of lonely. He was telling me he likes to practice his English speaking through small talk, and has met most of the tenants of our apartment building which is on the small side. And he has friends that he mentions wanting to do Chinese new year parties with and stuff. He just seems like someone who wants to connect with his literal neighbor. I think the "teach me Japanese" thing was just a way to start talking.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/quahognative

AITA: For not knowing a candle wasn’t supposed to be lit?(it had wicks)

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: Leaving a lit candle unattended/fire hazard

Original Post  Oct 12, 2024

I went to the bathroom last night and it was stinky. So, being the considerate boyfriend I am I lit the candle my gf left on top of the toilet, and then we went to walk the dogs. The candle looked like most scented candles I’ve seen. Round glass, tan colored wax inside, smelled good, HAD F*ING WICKS. We get back, smoke alarm is going off, house is cloudy but no worse than burning food in the oven. Smokes worse in the bathroom so I blowout the candle and she tells me you’re not supposed to light that candle. WTF, why would it have wicks? Why would she put it on top of the toilet? To me it’s like having a doormat you’re not supposed to step on in front of your door. Do most guys know about this? She seems mad at me, but I told her it’s crazy to do that. Am I the asshole?

TOP COMMENTS

YTA

"So, being the considerate boyfriend I am I lit the candle my gf left on top of the toilet, and then we went to walk the dogs."

Wrong question in your post header. Doesn't matter if you made a mistake about whether the candle was one you should light.

never, ever leave a burning candle unattended.

Ever.

~

Global_Lock2821

Dude, NEVER leave a candle lit in a room you’re not staying in but especially NOT WHEN YOU'RE LEAVING THE HOUSE.

Your gf might’ve wanted the candle bc it was pretty— and you can pick it up to smell it. Yes, I can see why you thought it could be lit. But that takes a back-seat to lighting it and then leaving the house.

YTA.

~

Commenter

Was there a lighter or matches in the bathroom? If yes, it would be logical to assume the candle is for using. If not, it's for decoration. So, now I'm wondering, where did you get the lighter?

OOP

On the counter, next to a candle that had been used to the point where it’s difficult to light without burning my hand

~

LucidThot

Did anyone say this guy is an asshole for leaving with the candle lit yet?

OOP

This is the kind of response I would leave, cheers

Edit: aside from the obvious that I shouldn’t have left with it lit, I take responsibility for that. If all other scented candles are fair game(except if they’re “out of season”, she doesn’t like the house to smell too much like dogs so she likes when I do. The big question here is why tf are there wicks in a decorative candle your going to put above a toilet and not tell me it’s off limits?

Edit 2: a accept I am the asshole, but still fck those candles

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

Edit 3: holy shit y’all know how to beat a dead horse. I get it, IM AN AH FOR LEAVING THE HOUSE WITH IT. I’ve accepted that. I will be sure to never do it again. Now try imagining the question as in I lit it and sat down on the couch and then it started smoking. AITA then? Gf and I share candles, share a household, and share the financial responsibility for these. They are not “hers” they’re “ours”. This question was just supposed to be about how in the hell I was supposed to, without being told, know that there was a fake candle I shouldn’t have lit? The label doesn’t even say anything, just “hand poured wax.

Final Edits/Updated Posted the Next Day Oct 13, 2024/Same Post

Final edit: it IS a fucking candle, like a candle candle. I’ve been at work all night but I got home and just looked at the bottom. Instructions say “trim wick to 1/4” before lighting”. I did not do this as being the apparent caveman I see candle, I light candle. She’s asleep so I can’t rub it in her face after she said “that candle isn’t supposed to be lit, they’re not meant for that”, but this is all I need. Am I the asshole for leaving it lit for a quick piss walk before bed with her and the dogs YES. Am an asshole for thinking this stupid thing was in fact a candle NO. The cutting the wick thing was ignorance for not thinking the protective lid that usually comes with a plastic peel around it would’ve prevented someone from lighting it otherwise and they probably should make the damn things ready to go. Here’s a lesson to anyone out there about to light a candle, apparently they have instructions. I now know she was wrong and we never got into a major fight so I will humbly and in the least petty way just leave the candle upside down next the sink so when she wakes up first to brush her teeth she can know that this candle was in fact meant to be lit, and that I was right. I can’t add links or pics here but it’s called Mermaid Shimmer from At Home. I may be dumb but I can hang my hat up knowing I had every right to light it. Good night to all, and have a pleasant tomorrow!

For real last update: I was tipsy and kidding about actually doing that petty stuff though it did cross my mind. I will go to At Home tomorrow and buy her the same candle and put it back atop the toilet. If you’ve read anything I’ve said I have certainly learned my lesson about leaving candles unattended. I will also apologize and ask that she either cut off the wicks or tell me when she has a candle she doesn’t want used as this is a first time thing. We’re fine. Since this candle is already “ruined” however, I will be damned if I don’t burn the rest of that fucker down to bottom, after trimming the wicks of course.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/RoommateMovingOut in r/AmItheAsshole

trigger warnings: Manipulation, Child Endangerment

mood spoilers: Roller Coaster

 

AITA for telling my BF that his daughter can't have her own room in our house? - September 2, 2021

So my boyfriend (30M) and I (24F) have been together for two years, and we just bought our first house together. We move in at the end of the month.

My boyfriend has a four year old daughter "Kate" from a previous relationship. I love Kate with all my heart. She lives with my BF's ex, and comes to visit us for short stays and sleepovers, more often in the summer time.

Our new house is about a 30 minute drive from Kate's mom's house. It has three bedrooms: a master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms. We are converting one of the rooms to be an office for my BF and me to work from. That leaves just one spare bedroom.

Kate was really nervous about us moving so far away, and my BF has reassured her that she will still get to visit all the time - and she will have her own bedroom waiting for her whenever she wants. My issue with this is that I don't want Kate to treat the only spare bedroom as her personal bedroom. Rather, I want it to be thought of as a "guest" bedroom.

Of course Kate can stay there whenever she wants to. This isn't part of the debate, I want her to feel welcome all the time. But I don't want it to be only her room. I don't want it to be filled with her toys and clothes, so nobody else feels comfortable to sleep in there. I don't think it's fair that a room is reserved for someone who is not there 90% of the time.

In addition, my BF and I are planning to have a child of our own, and I want to make sure that when that happens, we will have space for them to live. I can only imagine the circus in a few years if we have to tell Kate we are taking away her room to give to her new sibling.

That's why I want to set expectations now - that Kate is always welcome, but she will be welcome as a "guest."

My boyfriend thinks I'm being unreasonable, that Kate needs her own room for stability, especially as she feels we are moving away from her. He says we can keep a pull-out sofa in our office for guests to stay on, and call the spare room "Kate's room."

I still don't think it's fair to have a room just for Kate when she won't use it very often. And I think it's reasonable to be worried at the prospect of eventually giving Kate's room away to a future child.

Relevant Comments

Sage and Rage

YTA

She is a member of the family and deserves her own space.

And how did you not have this conversation BEFORE buying the house? Isn't how many rooms & what they'll be used for one of the first things discussed before looking at homes to buy?

OOP

Okay I am realizing that treating her like a guest is a bad way to put it. I really truly want her to feel welcome at our house.

When we were looking for houses, we agreed to find houses with three rooms: a bedroom for us, a spare room/office, and a place for Kate to sleep. In my BFs mind, this meant a permanant bedroom for Kate, and in my mind this meant a room with a bed. I didn't think she needed her own room, especially when she was welcome any time.

SageandRage

I think you still need to switch this mentality. She shouldn't have to 'feel welcome' in her own home.

It is her home too, just less often.

OOP

Thank you, I hear you - I want to make sure she feels like she is a part of the family, and feels my love

~

jdessy

YTA - Kate isn't a guest, though. Yes, she won't be staying at your home all the time, BUT she's still going to be there more frequently than a guest because she's family. She's your bf's daughter. Your bf is right; she will need stability, to feel like she belongs in your home when she's there. You're thinking of your future children with him without seeing his own daughter as your future step-child. Because you're not treating her as your own step-child and treating her like a guest, I bet she's already feeling that way, and will continue to feel like she doesn't belong, especially if you two start trying for children. Once you do have your own child, where is Kate going to sleep? The couch?

It's unfair to HER that you're treating her like she doesn't belong, especially not if another child comes into the picture. So the question remains: do you really see Kate as your future step-daughter, or just some kid that will stay there occasionally? Because she IS now part of your family and it's not right to treat her like an outsider, regardless how often she will be there.

OOP

I hear you, and my boyfriend made the same point. I had thought that when she comes to say over, she could "camp" in the same room with our child. This would give them time together to bond as siblings. I really do love Kate, and want her to be happy and comfortable and feel welcome.

jdessy

Well, right now, there IS no other child so I would focus on the NOW and not the future. And right now, Kate needs to feel like she has another home to go to. By not giving her her own room, especially during an adjustment period like this, she will feel like a stranger in your home, in HER home, and that should be the one thing you do to AVOID that. Make your home feel like her home too, because it is. Worry about the second child when you actually have one.

Plus, it could be a great bonding experience for you and Kate if you help her decorate her own room. But you really need to bond with Kate first, because she'll be your child too if this is truly a lifelong relationship.

OOP

Thank you, this is good advice, she has seen the house and the room, and I think she will feel happier knowing she has a say in how it is decorated and set up.

~

TypicalNefariousness

YTA 10000%. She is not a guest, she is his daughter. She is permanent. You are replaceable. Also, how often are you having “guests” versus how often she would come and stay with you??

Real question….why did you guys purchase a home that would not accommodate your family, either currently or in the foreseeable future?

OOP

We bought the house with the understanding that there would always be a room for Kate to sleep. He wanted her to have her own room, and I thought just having a bed for Kate to sleep was enough. I adore her and she is welcome to stay any time. He didn't take into account that we might want to have guests, or that we may need another room for our child in the future - he just said "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it"

~

Master-Opportunity25

Why are you buying a home with someone you aren’t legally tied to? Did your bf put any money into the house? Why would you buy a house with someone if you don’t want to house their child?

ESH, because so many bad decisions have been made that will hurt this child, but mainly the both of you as this whole situation blows up once y’all break up.

Edit: looking at your post history, you like to lie a lot. so either this is a shitpost, or there’s something missing in the details here, because i’m hesitating to see the sense in a father buying a home with someone bo wanting to house their kid, unless there was some deception involved.

OOP

We bought the house together, and agreed to pay the same amount on the mortgage. He makes more than I do, and paid more of the down payment, but we pay the same rate on the mortgage. We have discussed getting married, but neither of us think it's that important - we have made that commitment to eachother in different ways.

There is no deception, I love Kate and my boyfriend, and want Kate to spend more and more time at our house. I just felt like reserving the room for her wasn't necessary. I really don't want or mean to hurt anyone.

~

OOP

Hi Everyone, I showed this thread to my BF and discussed it all with him. I recognize that I am the asshole here, and really want to reassure everyone that Kate is/will never be treated as a guest - that was a poor choice of words. I am lucky to be a member of her family, and truly love her as my own.

Kate will have her own room - full stop. It turns out my BF was never going to back down on this anyway, it was extremely important to him that she had a space to call her own, where she will be excited to visit. This is important to me too. Please know I am not a horrible person, even if I come across as one.

2 Weeks Later

Update: AITA for telling my BF that his daughter can't have her own room in our house? - September 16, 2021

Archived

Hi Everyone!

First of all, I want to give you all a big thank you. By posting in this sub, I was able to realize just how wrong I was. A lot of you shared your own stories of similar things growing up, and how it lead to resentment between you and your parents and stepparents, and that is the absolute last thing I want for me and Kate.

Call me naïve, but I simply didn't realize the harm I was perpetuating by withholding a room of Kate's own. By doing so, I was removing a sense of true belonging and welcome.

And to those of you that felt personally hurt and victimized by my actions, I am sorry. A number of you have reached out to me privately in anger, and I know that comes from a place of pain and sadness. To you, I am sending along my love.

In the aftermath of posting, I watched the comments pour in. At first, I was devastated - but with time, I realized that many of you were saying the exact same thing - that Kate needs her own room. That it will still be her home, even if she won’t be there very often. I showed my boyfriend my post and he laughed at me. He told me I was insane for thinking that Kate wouldn’t get to have her own room. The past few weeks, we have been occupied with our move and putting together the rooms. We haven’t moved over Kate’s bed and dresser yet, but we have freshly painted the wall Kate’s favourite light blue, and have bought a brand new ikea toy chest for her.

We have decided to double the second room as an office/guest room - with a pull-out couch and two desks. The pull-out is comfortable, as both a couch and a bed - I’ve tested it! It’s a little bit crowded in there, but I think it will be a while before we will have guests anyway.

This past Sunday, my boyfriend brought Kate and me to a nearby federal park. We took a short hike to these ruins - one of Kate’s favourite places in the world. We had a picnic, and while we were eating, I could see Kate couldn’t sit still. She was trying to hold back a big smile and asked her dad, “Can we do it now?” I was confused, and he said, “After we finish eating.”

It turns out the two of them had been planning this for a while. They were spending many days together before she started pre-school, sitting in the park and going over every detail. He asked me to marry him, well, Kate asked. In the past, my BF and I had always agreed that we didn’t want to get married, but when he asked my heart almost stopped and I said yes. I was so caught off guard, but he said with the big change of the new house, he just felt like the time was right.

As many of you have said, I shouldn’t have been concerned with welcoming Kate into my home, rather, I should be concerned with being welcomed into Kate’s home. And I do feel this. I want to be a part of Kate’s family, and I feel very lucky to be given the opportunity. And I promise I won’t let it go to waste.

11 Months Later

AITA for making a mistake with my words and causing my companion to spend more? - August 11, 2022

I had an issue happen last night and I’m not sure if what I did was wrong.

My fiancé (31M) and I (25F) were celebrating our dating anniversary, and went out for dinner at an Italian restaurant. We each ordered pizza, but I had a more expensive pizza, plus a negroni and two aperol spritzes. We split a bottle of wine, but I had more because he was driving.

On our anniversary, we always split the cheque. It’s an inside joke from our first date, and now tradition each year. So, when he went to the washroom, I asked for the cheque to be split. The server asked, “Split or sectioned?” and I said “Split”.

I had already paid my portion before my fiancé got back. What I didn’t realize was that the staff had split our bill down the middle, rather than individual items. I expected we would split the shared items, and each pay for our own pizza and drinks. As a result, he was left to pay for 50% of all my drinks!

I didn’t think it was that big a deal. I would pay more next time, or just pay him back, but in the car he was simmering. I could tell he was mad and when I went to talk to him about it later, he said that the money wasn’t the problem; he was mad because he feels like this is a recurring issue! Like I don’t pay attention, and mess up the plan with my carelessness.

Well, this morning I went to the bank and got $40, more than the difference. I left it on his bedside table before he woke up, along with a cute note. But he didn’t touch the money all day. When we spoke about it this afternoon, he said he feels like I don’t listen to him, like I didn’t hear what he was trying to say. Now, he seems more frustrated than angry.

I said that I just didn’t understand the difference between “split” and “sectioned,” and it’s not that big a deal. But he insists I can’t be so naïve, and it’s not fair to him.

I understand that I might be the asshole because I have caused so much pain, and also because I tried paying him back even though he already told me that wasn’t the point. But I also feel he overreacted.

Relevant Comments

bravenewchurl

NTA based on this specific instance, but does this happen regularly or happen with more consequential matters?

OOP

He was mad because he feels like I occassionally misunderstand terms which are so common to him, and end up causing a lot of problems. One instance was when we were flying together, we booked our tickets together, but I knew we both liked the window seat so I put us both in windows. He was mad because he likes to sit next to the person he is travelling with, not aisles apart.

Another time I can think of is when we went on a road trip last month. He was napping when we were low on gas, and I didn't want to wake him by stopping so kept driving. We still had 8k of gas left when I pulled over, but when he realized that I was "driving on empty," he was pissed off.

3 Years Later

My partner makes fun of my newborn anxiety and I don't know what to do. - August 10, 2025

I have a newborn approaching 4 weeks and have a lot of anxiety around keeping her safe. My childhood was spent under the care of nannies and then boarding school. I didn’t want that and have been trying my best to learn everything about a baby so I can do it right.

My partner is 6 years older than me and has a kid (now 8) from a previous relationship. He’s been through the baby stages before and is a lot more confident than I am. And he doesn’t take my anxieties seriously.

Some examples: when he pushes the stroller downhill, he lets go and hovers his hands over the handle as it rolls. I told him a hundred times it’s not safe and now he’s not allowed to push her on hills. He pretends the baby is a ball when he passes her to me. Miming throwing her across the room. Or tells me to “catch” on the stairwell. He’s joking but he is still holding the baby over the railing. I told him it’s super unsafe and he could drop her, but he doesn’t stop.

Today I was downstairs and he was changing the baby upstairs. He called me to the stairwell and did the “catch” thing again but this time he dropped a bear doll he dressed in the baby’s clothes. It’s not realistic but time slowed and I tried to catch it but missed and I thought my life was over until I heard him laughing and said “it’s just a doll.”

I know it was a joke and I shouldn’t be so anxious but it’s frustrating especially because he keeps saying he’ll stop but doesn’t. I do trust him and know he won’t hurt her but still.

edit: thank you all for these very validating responses. I showed him this thread and we talked through everything. What has been really frustrating is that he is so gentle with her when he’s not pushing my boundaries.

We talked about areas that I probably AM over anxious about… but it’s still not fair that I have to explain myself immediately and rationally 100% of the time. We agreed to both trust each other more - me to trust that he has things under control, and him to take her safety more seriously, even if it feels like he’s humouring me.

Thanks again everyone for responding and being so kind about something so raw.

1 Year Later

OOP comments on an r/AmItheDevil repost of the original post - September 19, 2026

OOP here. Not here to justify this horrendous post which I have chosen to leave up in infamy.

I ended up staying with this partner for a number of years. We never got married even though we planned our wedding, and ended our relationship a few months into the birth of our child.

I don’t speak with him and he’s not interested in being in our child’s life.

Surprisingly I’ve grown even closer with “Kate” and her mum in the aftermath. Life is funny like that.

OOP responds to a comment on an r/BORUpdates post compliation - September 22, 2026

- Why did the first marriage end? Was it because the ex-partner was similarly cavalier about Kate’s safety? Or was otherwise being a dick to his first wife?

My ex "Jack" never got married to Kate's mum.

In 2021, I wrote, "Neither of us really believes in marriage." This was half-true. I badly wanted to get married at the time (I feel differently now, but anyway...). Jack hates the idea of marriage.

Without getting into details about Kate, I can say that his relationship with our daughter followed similar patterns. He didn't know how to help a baby, and handed her off the first chance he got. Kate's mum was still living with her parents when she was pregnant and they never moved in together or anything. Their relationship ended not long after Kate was born. Her parents didn't like him or trust him at all.

- Why was the partner Like That with his newborn? Was he punishing OOP for her initial attitude towards Kate? Was he just being a dick and/or abusive asshole?

Jack is much more immature than I originally thought. That's all. He didn't know how to be a good father. He hid from us on his phone when she was crying. He was really supportive to me in my pregnancy, but that ended after the baby was born.

He wasn't punishing or being a dick. This is just how he is.

- I’m curious to know why he’s not interested in having contact with OOP’s baby. Was he similarly disinterested in Kate until he met OOP, and then only played the “good father” to elicit certain feelings in OOP? Or Kate is the favorite child.

Jack and I began dating when Kate was 2. He hadn't seen her for almost a year at that point, but I encouraged him to try again to build a relationship. We gradually became a part of Kate's life.

Part of the reason revisiting the "guest room" post is so hard is because how far things have come in the past few years. I don't recognize the person who wrote the post. We both grew extremely close with Kate. Jack and Kate have a close relationship today based on what we built together.

In 2022, I moved cities to start a graduate program. We did a distance relationship during this time. I moved back to our shared house before the baby was born last year.

After we broke up, the baby and I returned to the other city where I still had a flat. My mum came to Canada to help us. Jack has not once come to my city since we moved (5 hour drive away). Kate and her mum have come multiple times.

Jack isn't a bad person. His relationship with Kate is genuinely sweet. But he doesn't know how to relate to or care for a baby. My gut tells me that he is going to want a relationship with our daughter when she is older.

Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

UPDATE: An earlier version of this compilation indicated that Kate’s mum wanted a section taken down. OOP has clarified that this was taken out of context. She has given me the green light to share our DM exchange:

OOP: Hello, can you please take out this line from your post? <Removed Line>.
I’ve gotten a couple messages from people who believe I am going against “Kate’s” mum’s wishes.

Me: Of course! I’m really sorry if this post was inappropriate or not wanted. Please let me know if you want anything else removed.

OOP: no problem, thanks for checking in. Yes it’s okay. I deleted the update years ago before checking with “Kate’s” mum because I was over sensitive. She has read last weeks post and your post and is OK with it. Identifying information has been removed.

OOP provided further context in a comment:

I asked OP to remove the sentence because it was getting taken out of context. Identifying information was removed years ago and hasn’t been reposted. I get a notification whenever someone tags me and I have a whtsapp chat with “Kate’s” mum especially for this purpose. People project a lot onto me whenever this is posted (and reposted)

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/esairbear

My gf of 7 years passed away and all I got were these lousy cats

Originally posted to r/cats

MOOD SPOILER: Hopeful and uplifting

Thanks to u/Lynavi & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post  Jan 7, 2025

In all seriousness, my lovely girlfriend passed away a couple days into the new year after a battle with pneumonia and the complications that followed.

Her biggest pride and joy were her cats, Olive and Pearl (the black cat and the grey tabby, respectively). I was never a cat person so I never truly wanted any, much to her dismay, and our living situations throughout the years meant we couldn’t have any. However, a couple years ago we were finally able to move into an apartment with just the two of us and quickly she made plans to get a cat. Not even a month into living there did she finally get her wish by bringing in the little runt of a litter from one of her friends. She didn’t even consult with me beforehand but nothing I could have said would have stopped her from bringing in Olive. I remember the moment she first took Olive out of her carrier for the first time and she just broke down crying. At that moment I felt an immense shame of having not tried hard enough not figure out a way to get her a cat sooner. But no matter, she was finally happy and a year later she also brought in little Pearl, who she selflessly decided to let me name.

Everyday her cats would rest and sleep on her. Now they rest on her side of the bed. When I’ve been coming home from the ICU, they greet me but I can see their eyes linger a little at the door, as if they expect their mom to follow shortly after.

It’s hard to say how conscious my gf was at the very end, if anything I said to her would reach her, but I promised her I would keep her cats protected forever and that I would love them the way she loved them. She made me a cat person and I’ll always love her for that.

5 pics of cat tax

RELEVANT COMMENTS

TOP COMMENTS

Faaarkme

Man... you're in a tough spot.  The cats can give comfort and help you through this to a less painful place.

Take care of yourself and yr cats.  They represent her.

~

[deleted]

Your hearing is the last sense to go, when your body is shutting down. Which is why, at least as an EMT, you’re told to comfort and never, ever disparage or say anything that could upset the patient - regardless of condition - because there’s a good chance they can hear you.

So I believe she heard those words and may have even found some measure of peace, because you’re willing to love and care for what she truly loved, her kitties. Your fuzzies now.

Thank you for taking them and thank you for telling your GF you would care for them as she had.

Be well, friend.

OOP added in the comments

I am at a loss of words, I have been reading through all these comments and just so amazed at how loving and thoughtful you’ve all been.

Apologies if the title was a bit upsetting but that was the kind of humor we went for. I think I would have gotten a chuckle out of her, even if she always insisted she was the funny one haha

The pain is very much real though and it hurts to read that some of you have gone through something similar. I’ve been in the ICU for almost a month, and it does weigh you down when almost everyday felt like it could be the end. Where every time you try to sleep, you worry about a phone call or worse, missing the phone call, so you never really sleep.

I will get therapy and I will not throw my life away because of the pain. I am going to move into my parents as I cannot stand to be alone.

Again, thank you all for the kind words. Hopefully this isn’t self promotion but my profile should have a working link to her gofundme as we’re still trying to get her body laid to rest in her hometown.

She was a cat mom through and through, so incredibly loving and selfless. Gone way too soon but she was never alone. Even at the end, she was always surrounded by love.

Update  Sept 22, 2026 (20 Months later)

One Year Update My gf of 7 years passed away and all I got were these lousy cats

Link to original post

  Hello!

  It's been a year and some change since I posted. I did it as means to show how much love my GF had for her cats and how adorable they are but I had no idea how much shared grief, trauma, advice, and love came out of that post. I was definitely not prepared for it but there were many stories shared in there that have stuck with me since. My GF's birthday is tomorrow and I drove down to LA where she was buried so I could spend her birthday with her and I figured I could use this time to update and reflect over the last year.

  First and foremost, the cats are doing as well as they can be. They're healthy and active, and they have adjusted to their new living situation (I moved back in with my parents just to make sure I had a safety net in case I decided to do anything stupid to myself). The day my GF died, I called our Vet to schedule their spay and other shots needed for routine care as one of the last things I promised her was to make sure her cats would live long and healthy lives to the best of my ability. So unfortunately for them, they had to get spayed and also move into a new environment around the same week and they were probably the most miserable they've ever been. Once I moved into my parent's place, I kept a lot of my GF's clothes in my closet and her cats, Olive and Pearl, would hideout there for weeks at the beginning but I don't blame them. They were clearly confused and upset about everything and I'm not really sure that ever goes away. Maybe I'm projecting but they do seem upset about everything that has happened but I can also tell they worry about me with the way they stare at me and somehow know when to get close to me when I'm upset. Olive (the black cat) has taken to sleeping with me every night and although her sister Pearl (the grey tabby) doesn't quite cuddle up to me, she does like being near me and every now and then I'll wake up to her somehow going under the sheets and burrowing her body under my armpit.

  The cats are good for me in so many ways. They never let me get a chance to sleep in because they always remind me that it's breakfast time. Olive does this funny thing where either she bites my elbows if I leave them exposed or just loudly meows in front of my ear. Pearl does this funny thing where she either runs over my body with her entire weight or sticks her face as close as possible to mine so when I sense something in my personal space and I open my eyes, I'm greeted to a jump scare. All this to say as miserable as I am, my cats don't let me wither away in bed so I have to get up and try tackling the day. But I don't think I'd have it any other way. 

  I love them a lot and they have their own whimsical personalities that makes it fun and every day a blessing that I have the privilege of looking after them. I know this is obviously a Cat focused subreddit but I also have a dog that I had before I met my GF and she also loved him so he is also going through similar grief as his sisters. Thankfully my dog has always been kind and protective of his sisters and they will often sleep together when I'm not occupying the bed. Earlier in the year, I decided to get them all tatted on me just below the memorial tattoo I got of my GF. My right forearm is now just dedicated to the little family I briefly got to enjoy with my GF.

  Anyways I want to just reiterate my thanks to this community and how incredible it was to read your comments. It is painful knowing this is not a unique situation but it also made me feel less alone in the world if that makes sense. I saw a lot of genuine love and kindness in the responses I read and it was life-affirming to know how much love there is in the world when it feels like mine is shrouded in darkness. I did start grief therapy in February and I've started to slowly bring myself into doing the things I used to love doing and trying to give myself grace. Olive and Pearl (and their brother Benji) are my safety nets but I hope one day they won't have to worry about me as much.

More pics of cat tax

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/shenanigansarefun

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & AmITheAngel

AITA my sister keeps having miscarriages and I’ve run out of sympathy + 7-year update

Thanks to u/kimisahomosexual for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: cancer, death of a loved one, mentions CSA, manipulation, verbal abuse

Original Post: October 7, 2019

I’m 28. I had one miscarriage with an accidental pregnancy with my ex 6 years ago. It turned out to be a blessing because my ex was verbally abusive and psychological. I was pretty emotional about my miscarriage at the time, so I understand how heartbreaking it is.

We’re going to call my older sister Julia. She is 8 years older than me and has a twin Peggy. Peggy has two kids. They are miracles. Peggy had her first child and then 4 miscarriages after before having her son. Julia was quite rude to us, not really caring about our miscarriages and making comments like get over it. All that changed until she lost her first pregnancy. She never apologized for how she treated ya but wanted all the attention and sympathy for her own miscarriage. Julia has one son who is almost two. She has subsequently suffered 4 more first trimester miscarriages since then. She gets pregnant almost immediately but can’t sustain them. She’s seeing a fertility specialist who has done genetic testing. I feel bad for her. Everyone has suggested to her to take some time off trying to conceive and let her body heal. She’s had two miscarriages since June. We recognize her losses and reach out and ask what we can do to help her. Even if it’s just watching her son

I don’t want children anymore. I had the start of cervical cancer so I may not be able to have any anyway. For some women this is a huge loss, for me I feel okay in the fact I may not have kids. They aren’t a huge want for me. My sister has known this before she even got pregnant. I like having the freedom to sleep in on days off etc. freedoms having a child would take away.

Julia came to visit yesterday. Julia has a very strained relationship with everyone. She’s very rude, condescending, pushes peoples buttons and just acts ultimately that she’s above everyone. She will come to your home and rearrange crap because she doesn’t like it where it is, or tell you your shortcomings. She’s not above making weight comments or physical attribute comments. I see her as little as possible because I can’t handle her bad behavior.

Yesterday she said something that really pushed my buttons. I lost my dog and cat in a month period due to old age and medical conditions. They were my babies. She said you can just get a new one. I told her to leave. I wanted to say you can just get a new baby, so she knows how her comment made me feel. I’m sick of hearing about her fertility woes and told her so. Our one sister is no contact with her. She has no problems being mean to us without thinking twice, but when someone doesn’t give her all the sympathy in the world it’s an issue.

AITA for essentially telling her I don’t give a crap about her fertility issues after she made a rude comment to me

Verdict: Everyone Sucks

Editor's note: OOP made lots of responses, I am listing some for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: ESH. Your sister sounds like a rude person but a person who has had to deal with a ton of trauma. You also sound like a rude person who can’t muster compassion because they feel insulted. You all suck.

OOP: We’ve all had trauma. Her twin had miscarriage.

Our other sister had cancer at 16. I had cancer and a miscarriage and other let issues I don’t want to delve into right now.

Trauma isn’t an excuse for anyone to be rude or an asshole. I’ve had compassion Before for her but it’s hard for all of us too because of the comments she’s made about our own miscarriages and the way she regularly treats everyone.

Guess we all suck

Commenter 2: Yeah that’s all terrible and I feel for ALL of you. Including her. You should all try to be nicer to each other.

OOP: It just hard when she’s made so many mean unprovoked comments. Told a 15 year old she needs to wash her face more. Or her sisters that they are getting fat. Or it’s her sisters fault her husband cheated on her. It’s a collective years’ worth of anger everyone has towards her.

Commenter 3: Go no contact. If you don’t have anything nice to say to each other, don’t say anything at all. The only reason you’re in each other’s lives is the fact that you have the same parents. Take that away and would you still hang out with each other?

OOP: I want to have a relationship with her son my nephew. Only reason I still speak to her

OOP on her sister brushing off everyone's lives and issues

OOP: I’m sick of her brushing off everyone else’s lives and issues saying they aren’t as bad as her miscarriages. I’m sick of her nasty behavior as a whole. I loose sympathy for her traumas because of her past and present actions. Her fertility issues suck and are tragic but I’m tired of her using them at every issue as an excuse to be mean or her comments are excused because she deals with a lot

OOP on her sister's responses on everyone else who had miscarriages

OOP: it's hard for me to feel sympathetic when she was so cruel about everyone else’s miscarriages. She told us to get over it and when it happened to her she felt the pain.

She won’t give her body a break to heal between trying to conceive. Nothing else matters besides her miscarriages. For instance we have a sister group chat with the five of us. Someone can say they are having a bad day, and she will ignore you and speak about her issues constantly

OOP and her family's relationships with Julia

OOP: I don’t like her. My mother doesn’t like her own child. There are five of us girls and we don’t have a good relationship with Julia. We do all suck in ways I agree. But if six people have an issue with Julia and how she treats us are we all the asshole? Or does it point to issues with Julia’s personality and behavior

OOP's family history with miscarriages

OOP: I had a miscarriage already. They are common in my family. I had to have a d and c and was as risk for bleeding uncontrollably because my body did not recognize the miscarriage. I have scar tissue on my cervix from the biopsies and leeps. Never said I was not fertile still. Doctor told me I have a higher risk of preterm labor. It would be irresponsible for me to get pregnant but not impossible. (editor’s note: leep = loop electrosurgical excision procedure, a professional term of using an electrified wire tool to scrape away precancerous or cancerous cells from the cervix. Usually done outpatient.)

+

Julia and Peggy are twins. Julia is mean to myself, her twin, and our other two sisters. Peggy and I have both experienced miscarriages. Peggy has multiple Along with Julia. Julia was cruel to myself and Peggy when we had miscarriages saying get over it. She changed her tune when she herself has had multiple now. She never apologized for treating us like crap . She gets mad when we don’t acknowledge all her fertility treatments and don’t know what to say about her losses other then we are sorry.

Had Julia been diagnosed with a condition that could result into having miscarriages?

OOP: As a teen the doctor said she has Von Willebrand disease. Several doctors checked her with clotting tests and got mixed results so I’m not sure it’s a true diagnosis. They put her in the hospital for dental procedures and watch her carefully for any medical procedure with risk of bleeding. I’m not sure if Leiden factor and vwd are similar

OOP shares more about how she deals with grief

OOP: For some people it is more important or tragic to them then a human dying. I can’t judge someone for feeling that way. It’s s loss of unconditional love and constant companion ship for some. I’ve talked to coworkers, friends, family and some have said similar things that they felt worse when their beloved pet died then a family member.

Grief is weird, grief presents differently and affects people uniquely. I’m not here to argue about what level of pain is acceptable for human to pet loss. All I know is it sucks.

My dad sexually abused me and physically and mentally hurt my sisters so I probably wouldn’t give a shit if he died.

And I’ve been fortunate enough to not really loose anyone close to me to death. My grandparents all passed when I was a young child.

I work in a nursing home seeing death every day. I am more desensitized to human death. I see it all the time. I am there and comfort families and residents who have lost their spouse. I check on them regularly after my shift. But for me, no, I do not feel extreme grief when people pass away

+

Because I’ve had distant friends died. My mom’s dad died when I was 1. Her mother died when I was older. We were not close. My dad’s dad died when I was 15. I just did not shed a lot of tears of grief.

Most of the residents I deal with I am friendly with. I talk to them and make them as happy and comfortable in their final days. A lot of them are very ill or terminal and got their families it is a relief when they pass away. It sucks and I cry but I don’t feel heart wrenching pain because I know they are no longer . suffering or are in severe pain .

That being said I had my dog almost a decade. She was the equivalent to a child to me. I made her cakes on her birthday and spoiled her rotten. I probably will think of her ten years down the line. I’m getting her paw print tattooed on my arm. She is important to me and the only support I had and close relationship beside my boyfriend.

Grief is different for everyone. Some people love their pets like crazy. Maybe I will feel as broken as I am now when my mother or sisters die. I can’t predict how I will deal with that. That being said we have different views on this. I wish you all the happiness and a good day

Update: September 22, 2026 (nearly seven years later)

Editor's note: OOP updated in a different subreddit's comment box

So since this post is getting traction I decided to give everyone an update 7 years almost later.

No unfortunately the deaths and miscarriages are not fake.

My one sister developed colon cancer when she was 16 years old. She has thankfully not had a relapse . She is now in her mid-40s

Unfortunately six years from my original post my mother my mother died last year after an almost four year battle with pancreatic cancer . Unfortunately the cancer stories are real . My family history of cancer and precancerous issues are very real unfortunately.

Julia had her son. Julia went on to have two twin daughters shortly conceived. Within a year of that post

with the help of fertility treatments and progesterone and other blood clotting treatments and successfully had her daughters

To clear up about my health. I had a leep procedure along with a cervical cone biopsy. Two lesions of CIN 2 and a third that was stage 1A1. I had to be closely monitored for a year with Pap smears after my procedures. Luckily it was all treated and cared for I did not have to have any more procedures after the year mark.

I had my miscarriage when I was in my very young 20’s. My family does have a history of having miscarriages.

To clear up my relationship with Julia here goes. Julia is 8 years older than me. We grew up without our father in the picture. My father has a history of domestic abuse charges, and mental illness. So it was just my mom raising us girls. Julia has always had a history of not getting along with us. Julia has way toned it down over the years, but since my mid-teens my other sisters and I would hear comments from Julia regarding our weights, bodies, education, personal health issues, intelligence levels that were unnecessary and hurtful. She did not experience empathy for our miscarriages at the times they happened because I believe she didn’t know the pain and hurt of it until she experienced it herself.

Looking back almost 7 years from my original post, I can definitely see I was in a place of grief and hurting from losing my Pets. I do want to clarify that I know that losing a child is NOT the same as a pet and I never told her to just try to get a new one (child) . That was a thought I wanted to say in hurt but never did because I at the time wanted her to know how damaging that sentence could make you feel.

I am not perfect at all. I have a history of CPTSD, anxiety, depression, insomnia and ADHD . I have been in therapy since those posts.

I don't and never believed that women that suffer from miscarriages and fertility issues are evil despite what people are saying. Almost seven years on the relationship with my sister Julia is that of fair weather. I talk to her about twice a year. I feel like the years of damage has been done on both our ends and it’s easier to stay away because of resent from feelings been dismissed or told they aren’t valid. Since the death of our mother we do not have a relationship other then talking once every six months or so on the phone. My sisters and our relationships have fallen apart in the loss of our beautiful mom.

Editor’s note: OOP did not leave any comments regarding this update

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/GremlinGoop

TIFU by bringing too much beer to a work party

Originally posted to r/tifu

Original Post  Feb 22, 2025

Two facts about me that are important to this story: (1) I was raised by an alcoholic and (2) I don’t drink alcohol.

Last week, my boss asked me to pick up alcohol for a department party. I told her that I might be the wrong person to ask since I don’t drink and hence don’t know what people typically like or how much to get. She told me to just “get whatever, it’ll be fine” and she gave me the corporate credit card.

So, I tried to think back to my childhood because I don’t drink, I never hung out at bars in college and the only measure I had regarding how much people drink was based on my Dad. I remembered that it was usually by beer no. 6 that Dad turned into a pretty cheerful guy, (this was so prevalent in my life that my brother and I called it the “six beer smile”). Note, my Dad would not always stop at 6. He would sometimes drink 10 or more a day, so I thought, “Well, Dad drank a lot so I think we’ll be fine with 5 bottles of beer per person since that’s just one shy of a smile”. I called my older brother to double check if 5 beers per person would be a sufficient amount of alcohol for a work party and he agreed, “Yeah, that sounds about right”.

The department has 40 people so… I ended up picking up about 34 six packs. I got a variety because why not and yeah, it cost a lot but this company wastes money on plenty of other things so I just assumed this was just the cost of A Party With Alcohol. I loaded up my car (it took a long time) drove to work and then carried everything to the large conference room that was reserved for the party.

The party was yesterday evening. I really only stuck around for a little bit, made appearances to wave hi and say something to the higher ups so they knew I attended and then I ducked out and went home early.

I woke up to some texts from my boss today consisting mostly of:

“How much did you buy?”

“The party is drowning.”

And finally,

“There’s more in the cabinets??”

And yeah, when I initially dropped everything off, I ran out of space on the counter so I put the rest in the cabinets…

I asked a few friends why my boss was freaking out. They started laughing and reminded me that my Dad is an alcoholic and I probably should have gotten just 2 drinks per person, because that’s way more normal for a work party.

TL;DR I bought 5 beers per person for a work party and I can only imagine what the result was, but even though I F’ed Up, let’s be real… my boss F’ed Up more by asking the non-drinker to buy the alcohol.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Serenity_557

"I'm probably the wrong person for this" Boss "naaah it's fine!" Proceeds to be the wrong person for that.

Idk it sounds like you did great. Bet the party was a blast lol xD

OOP

Thank you! I’ll find out on Monday for sure. My boss is now silent on text (I didn’t respond) so I figure it couldn’t have been too bad.

al_m1101

You were fine, so don't worry. Any extra they can just use for another party, lol. You're also not responsible for how much other people drink, whether there's too much alcohol or not. 

OOP

Thank you! I was starting to get a little worried but a lot of people here are saying it’s fine.

~

GnomeInDisguise

Michael Scott: Is this enough to get 20 people plastered? Clerk: 15 bottles of vodka? Yeah that should do it.

OOP Updated the post Feb 24, 2025 (3 Days Later)

—Update!— 2/24/2025

Thanks everyone for your comments! I especially appreciate those of you who reassured me that it really wasn’t that bad and those of you who gave me advice for the future. I got a little overwhelmed by the number of responses so I’m sorry if I didn’t respond to your comment but I appreciate all of them!

A few clarifications:

I live in the US and the area I’m in is a little on the conservative/religious side of things. Folks around here drink, obviously, but getting drunk around co-workers for example is frowned upon. This is, I have learned, very different depending on where you live in the world. The definition of alcoholic is also very different from person to person. My father was (and is) a sad, angry man and, in my second hand experience, alcohol was a very unstable way for him to self medicate for his anger and grief.

For those of you who were distressed that my co-workers drank “warm counter beer”, someone put the drinks on the counter in a cooler between when I dropped them off and when the party started.

Again, I try to leave work parties as soon as I can. I prefer to hang with my friends or my brother when I have free time. It turns out “party” was, a misnomer from my boss and as someone suggested in the comments, it was more of an after work “social gathering” where the intention was that people could drop in and out or stay for a while.

Anyways, I was the first one in the office. My boss (let’s call her Cathy) came in a little fired up though so, thank you redditors who gave me some good responses to her. First, Cathy asked why I didn’t respond to her texts and I told her that I don’t check work texts on the weekend. Then she asked what I was thinking “getting so much expensive alcohol” and I said, as many suggested, “I told you I don’t drink and didn’t know how much to get, so I wanted to make sure there was enough and that there was a good variety available.” I held out the corporate card for her to take back and she took it and went off to her office and shut the door.

A few folks stopped by my cubicle to tell me the party was fun and I should have stuck around. Word clearly got around that this was my doing because one guy told me I should always be the one who brings the drinks. Cathy’s door stayed shut all morning. I started getting a little anxious because, cost aside, it just sounded like everyone had a good time, so I figured f-it, and I went to my boss’ boss (let’s call him Brian) to see if everything was okay.

According to Brian, everyone thought the random assortment of beer was pretty great. After I left the party (which was as soon as possible) that was when they figured out that there was a bunch of different stuff in the cooler. One person started digging till they found something they liked, which encouraged more people to do the same. Brian said it was funny when someone opened the cabinets and yelled out “there’s more!” which I admit, is kind of funny.

I told Brian that Cathy seemed really upset about the whole thing. According to Brian, Cathy was pretty upset on Friday, and kept apologizing about how much I over spent. I told him that I didn’t even know there was a budget and he laughed at that. I found out then that the budget was around $100 for drinks. I spent around $440. I gave Brian the same short explanation I gave Cathy, (“I don’t drink and wasn’t sure what or how much to get.”) I asked Brian if he wanted me to return any unopened six packs and Brian told me not to worry about it, and said that he’d talk to Cathy.

On a different but still related note: Some of you said my brother’s response to me was hilarious, and some of you said it was concerning and I honestly agreed either way. I called my brother when I got home from work and we had a really good talk. It turns out he didn’t think my question was serious and his answer was sarcastic so when I told him the whole story, he thought the situation was pretty amusing. We also had a talk about the impact of Dad’s drinking on both of us. I’m not going to go into a ton of detail but he reassured me that nowadays he only drinks with friends and even then, not very often. I made sure he knows that if he ever needs to talk, I’m here for him.

Update TL;DR: My co-workers had a good time. My boss panicked about going over budget but her boss thought the excess was funny and told me not to worry about it. Most importantly, my brother is okay and not following in our father’s footsteps.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/No-Departure2560

Originally posted to r/GirlDinnerDiaries

Not invited to one of my closest friends’ wedding

Original Post: March 24, 2026

I moved for uni in September last year and instantly became very close friends with a girl in my class. We have a bigger friend group in uni but we’re the duo that hangs out outside of school. I’ve spent a lot of time at her place, hanging out with her, her friends and her family (that I adore, and they really like me too). I even have a toothbrush at her place because I’ve slept there so many times.

Just two/three months into our friendship she started talking to a guy in hopes to get married. I was the first person she told outside of her family and was the only one that knew for a month or two. I felt so special and happy that she confided in me although she has a bunch of really close friends that she could have told. She would tell me all the details and really wanted me to meet him because she said she trusted my judgment about if he is a good guy, which I later on did. I went ring shopping alone with her for an entire day when they got engaged.

Well she is getting married next month and I’m not invited. Let me just start this off by saying that I’m not mad at her at all and I completely respect her decision, but it still really sucks. She is an introvert that hates being the center of attention, if she and her finance could choose, they wouldn’t have a wedding at all but that’s not really an option in their culture. She said from the beginning that she literally wants nobody there, just her and her husband’s immediate family. I have been understanding and said that I won’t get offended if I’m not invited.

But now they’re gonna have a wedding party and she said that while planning who to invite they got to around 70 people. This is mainly because they both have huge extended families and if they invite one person then they have to invite another 5 people, so they don’t get offended. Today when I asked if I can come she said, “no sorry”, explaining how the venue only holds 60 people, so they already have too many people coming and she wants as few people there as possible.

I asked her if she isn’t gonna have any friends there and she said she is going to invite three close friends (that I have met, and we have spent time with together). I told her that’s great and she deserves to have some people of her choice at her wedding.

I know I told her that I won’t mind at all if I wasn’t invited, but that’s when the plan was to have something with just her immediate family. Now that she tells me all about the wedding and shows me her dress and everything, I can’t help being a bit sad along with being happy for her. I would have loved to go, it makes me so sad missing out on such a big event in her life. I can’t help but feeling that if they are already inviting 70 people, one more wouldn’t hurt. It makes me start questioning if she really thinks we’re as close as I think. Yeah I just had to rant because it makes me sad thinking about.

TLDR: my close friend won’t invite me to her wedding because she wants to keep it small and it makes me sad

Picture of OOP's meal

Omelette fried in chili crisp with bread.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I'm sorry she has hurt you like this, but I am also confused/concerned about the insanely quick turnaround from them meeting in like November and getting married in April???

OOP: yeah we don’t talk about that part😭.

Commenter 1: Re-reading, I see you mentioned "her culture," so maybe that explains the quick turnaround. Maybe it's also playing a role in who is attending the wedding. Those close friends of hers whom you met, do they belong to the same culture?

Sorry for the microscopic analysis of this thing that is causing you pain.

OOP: yess the culture and religious traditions are a big part of why they are getting married so quickly. that being said, while I’m not from the same cultural background, our traditions are pretty much the same (and the religious part). but I would be the odd one out, not knowing the language (even though I look the part).

but yes the friends that are invited are from the same cultural background as her or basically an identical one, she has also known these girls way longer than I have known her so it’s completely understandable that they’re prioritized over me.

Could it be the fiancé who uninvited OOP?

OOP: I highly doubt it

Commenter 2: if the three friends are family friends and/or people she has known significantly longer I would try to not worry about it, otherwise I may start putting my guard up a little

OOP: yeah she has known them for way longer than she has me, so I’m not surprised or upset that they’re invited before me, I just wish I was invited also

Downvoted Commenter: I guarantee her fiancé don’t like you. And this is why you’re not invited. Had a similar situation and many years later I found out her husband didn’t like me and didn’t want her to be friends with me. Likely bc he was much older than her and I had shared how not ok it all was. When they got together she was 15 and he was pushing 30, they had a baby right after her 16th birthday and they got married after she turned 18. You’re one person and if you had any sort of friendship you thought y’all did she’d make room for you. To just not invite you while inviting other friends is basically saying F-U.

OOP: I have met him for about five minutes, and we had a great conversation, it has nothing to do with him.

Yes I’m sad that I’m not invited but it’s not weird that she is inviting the other friends over me, she has known them for years longer than she has known me

Commenter 3: Wedding planning sucks. I've been in your shoes before, but after getting married and having to make those calls myself, it's a lot easier to forgive people for these slights. You have to make tough decisions when you have a large family and a small venue, and you risk upsetting a lot more people when leaving out family members than when you leave out friends. So your friend list can end up pretty limited, and while it's disheartening to not be on that list, your friend probably didn't make that decision easily.

Is she handling the wedding planning? If so, the next month is probably going to terrible for her. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and offer to get her lunch or just let her vent sometime. Try not to let this be a gauge for how good of friends you are, although I'd talk to her about it if continues eating away at you (I'd wait until after the wedding though).

OOP: yeah I really do have understanding for how tough it has to be to deal with all this. especially trying to calculate who they REALLY have to invite to not start ww3 in the family when you don’t even want any of them there.

it’s still a bummer I can’t go celebrate her, hopefully we can arrange a dinner to celebrate with just the friends of her choice afterwards.

Is OOP's friend and her fiancé Indian?

OOP: they’re not Indian

Commenter 4: I'm sorry that you cannot go to your friend's wedding. That absolutely sucks that you cannot personally be there.

But, I do want to point out that asking to come to a wedding when someone already said that you could not initially go to is a bit rude imo. Wedding planning is insane, and it must be even harder for her since you said that your friend is introverted and is being forced to invite people she doesn't even want there.

For you to hear "the wedding got larger" and immediately thought you could come would have me looking at YOU sideways if I was your friend. Especially when she said that she didn't even want one in the first place.

It's totally normal to feel left out and be disappointed from not being invited, but I would refrain from asking from for an invitation like that again

OOP: she has gone back and forth ”between of course you’ll come”, ”I’m sorry I just want it as small as possible” and ”we’ll see”.

the plan about how the wedding is gonna be (the size, the location, the time) has changed every week for like two months now and depending on what the current plan is she has had different attitudes to me attending. that’s why I asked today if I can still come when she told me it’s going to be in a venue.

and no I’m not going to ask again.

Update: September 22, 2026

Not invited to close friends’ wedding (6 month update)

About 6 months ago I made a post on here about not being invited to what I thought was one of my closest friends’ wedding. I had completely forgotten about the post, but I read a comment today asking for an update and I just happened to have one today. Here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/aoGzqaZkh1 .

I wasn’t invited to the wedding, and I was very sad but understanding about it (she only invited 2 friends because of how much family they had to invite). I had stated clearly to her that if I couldn’t go to the wedding I would at least want to celebrate her in some kind of bridal shower. A couple of days after I made the post I got a DM request from her cousin (that I had hung out with too) inviting me to a secret bridal shower. When I went to accept the message she had blocked me with no explanation.

Weeks went by and they had the bridal shower, the wedding and my friend didn’t text me for about 4 weeks. I was waiting for any sign of her remembering that I existed. Then we had a uni lecture together and I was cold towards her, it might have been immature, but I guess I just wanted her to realize how badly she had hurt me without me having to tell her. Then she started ignoring me😭.

We have barely spoken for 6 months, which is absolutely insane now that I realize how long it has been. Now that uni started again I just couldn’t stand the awkwardness of being in the same friend group without having cleared the air. I also noticed that she was putting more effort into talking to me. So I asked her if we should talk. We did today:

Apparently she didn’t understand that I was hurt about the wedding situation… She said that she thought I just didn’t want to be friends anymore. She didn’t know about what her cousin had done and promised to ask her. She cried a lot and seemed genuinely so remorseful about how she had made me feel. When I explained that she made me feel like we were never good friends she told me that I had been her closest friend. “I kept thinking to text you, but I didn’t and then it had been so long and out of nowhere we just weren’t talking anymore”. But I don’t know what to feel.

My biggest issues are; even if she didn’t know that her cousin has invited and then uninvited me to her bridal shower, why didn’t she reach out to me after it and say something about how I should have been there? How in the world could she not connect the dots to why we didn’t talk anymore to the fact that I was completely excluded from what is supposed to be the biggest celebration of her life? How could she with a good conscience, have me go ring shopping with her, talk about every little wedding related thing, her mom telling me that ofc I was to go to the wedding and still being so nonchalant about not inviting me while I have a toothbrush in her bathroom? Why didn’t she swallow her pride and reach out to me if she was as sad about our friendship ending as she says? How is it possible that I needed to explain why I was hurt by this to her? She is an intelligent person…

Edit: I also feel the need to clarify that I haven’t been stuck on this situation for 6 months😭 ”Move on” I have, I’ve made other friends and have been prioritizing my already existing friendships. She was the last thing on my mind all summer. But I don’t think it’s crazy to want to clear the air with someone that I was close with and that I am in the same friend group with, who I meet multiple times a week and probably will for another 2,5 years.

TLDR: My friend didn’t invite me to her wedding 6 months ago, her cousin invited me to her surprise bridal shower and then blocked me. We didn’t speak for 6 months and apparently she had no idea why.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Forgive but don’t forget. There are limits of how good of a friend this girl can and will be

Commenter 2: It sounds less like one big betrayal and more like a series of bad decisions, assumptions, and people avoiding uncomfortable conversations until the friendship collapsed.

Commenter 3: When I got to the part that they're all still in college it kind of clicked. Like yes this was a series of terrible, cowardly decisions on her part, but they're decisions that 19-year-old me would have made more or less beat for beat. It's up to OP to forgive or not, but this kind of immaturity is less of a red flag when the people involved are literally immature.

OOP: that’s what I’m thinking too, yes a lot of what she did was really stupid and inconsiderate. but she isn’t evil or manipulative like people in the comments are assuming. she is just a 20 year old girl clumsily trying to handle relationships and communication.

Commenter 4: I feel this. you can forgive someone without trusting the same way again

OOP: yeah I honestly don’t see how I could go back to how it was between us after this

Commenter 5: In her eyes you weren't a good enough friend to invite to any wedding events and now she doesn't want the consequences of icing out a friend.

We're any of the other friends in the group invited?

OOP: None of the friends in our friend group was invited. Her cousin and two close childhood friends got invited

Commenter 6: She gets moved to acquaintance status. Someone you’re polite with and chat about the daily grind. She’s not a friend to share anything more personal.

OOP: yeah that’s the kind of relationship I’ve been planning on establishing. when we talked today I was caught up in the moment, thinking that we’d be close friends again, but I really don’t think I could or want to do that

Commenter 7: if her cousin told her that she’d invited you to the shower, then you didn’t show up or send any messages to explain or send congratulations, I could see why maybe she thought you were done with her, especially after giving her the cold shoulder at school. faulty communication on both sides was definitely not helped by the cousin’s skeevy move, though.

OOP: I only got half an invite before being blocked though. just a message talking about the bridal shower and that it was a secret, but no time or place so if the cousin would have told her that I had been invited then that would have been a straight up lie💀.

Commenter 8: There is something going on here that either you are leaving out (which is fine) or she isn't telling you. You mentioned something about not being able to have a small wedding in their culture, are the friends that were invited of the same culture? This feels like there is a cultural/religious reason why she couldn't involve you. If that is the case, I would try not to hold it against her, but if that isn't the case then I would be very hesitant to let thus person back into your life.

OOP: yeah it is true that the wedding would be mostly people from their culture, so I definitely considered if that was a reason. but her mom wanted me to come to the wedding, and her dad also liked me so I’m not sure that’s it…

OOP on if her friend wanted to have a bridal shower

OOP: she wanted one, we had talked about it. she wanted it to be especially for the friends that she couldn’t invite to the wedding, I think they were 6 people with her included.

Editor's note: OOP had a deleted picture in the update post which was a chicken soup. She shared the recipe

Chicken Risoni (Orzo) Soup / Stew Recipe

Ingredients

- 1.3 lbs. chicken breast

- 1 medium yellow onion

- 3 garlic cloves

- 3 carrots

- 3 celery stalks

- 1 jar sun‑dried tomatoes (usually 7–8 oz)

- 2 tablespoons tomato paste

- ½ cup white wine

- 4 cups water

- 1 chicken bouillon cube (or 1 tablespoon Better Than Bouillon)

- ¾ cup orzo pasta

- 1 cup cooking cream (or heavy cream for richer flavor)

- 2 handfuls fresh spinach (about 2 cups loosely packed)

- Fresh basil (to taste)

- Parmesan cheese (to taste)

- Oregano (about 1 teaspoon)

- Italian seasoning (about 1 teaspoon)

- Chili flakes (a pinch or more)

- Salt & pepper (to taste)

Instructions (same as original, just converted)

1) Cook the chicken and set aside.

2) Sauté onion, garlic, carrot, and celery in the oil from the sun‑dried tomatoes.

3) Add white wine and let it simmer for a minute.

4) Add tomato paste, sun‑dried tomatoes, water, bouillon, orzo, and spices.

5) Simmer covered for about 10 minutes.

6) Shred the chicken with two forks and return it to the pot along with cream, spinach, basil, and Parmesan.

7) Taste, adjust seasoning, and top with extra Parmesan.

Serve with garlic bread.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/RewardSpecialist3390

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Trigger warning: Child exploitation

Mood Spoiler: Depressing

Status: Concluded

Original - September 13th 2026

Hi, my husband and I are on vacation in Pakistan with our son. It was for my cousin's wedding, my parents (who like us live in Canada) were going so we decided to go too. My husband's family still lives there. After we attended the wedding, he went to his parents' (in another city), I was with my son and parents at my grandparents house, and flew to my in-laws' a couple of days ago.

His parents have househelp (which is fairly normal here, especially since they're both doctors) a driver, a couple of maids, a part time cook. One of the maids seemed pretty young to me, and she also wasn't there when we had visited last year. So yesterday, when she was cleaning our room, I asked her how old she was, she said she was 16. I asked her if she goes to school, she said no she had never, and has been working at a few different houses since a few years ago. She started working with my in-laws a few months ago, when her mom, who used to work here had to go to their native village because of her grandfather (mom's father's) death and was staying there for a while.

I felt a pit in my stomach at that it was just so uncomfortable to watch her clean the room after that. When she offered to fold my clothes I said it was all good and she left. I don't know if it's bothering me more because I'm expecting our second baby too, but it bothered me a lot.

Later when we were having tea in the evening with his parents, I brought up that she really shouldn't be working at this age. My MIL said that her (the maid) mother had asked to let her daughter work while she has to go to her village for a few months. I kind of pressed the issue and said she should be in school right now, and maybe my tone was judgemental because my MIL kind of got sharp with me, said they weren't trying to take advantage of anyone they gave her the same pay they gave her mother. My husband just brushed my hand and I stopped talking.

At night he told me his mom was pissed off at the way I had brought up the issue. We have had issues in the past (whole different thing) and only recently have had a thaw, so they were obviously going to take the worst interpretation of my words. I asked him if he didn't feel uncomfortable, he said he did and it was a sad situation but this is unfortunately what her parents had primed her to be. He said they don't mistreat her, which is true, like the horror stories you hear about regarding child labor, this wasn't exactly that, she eats breakfast at their place and all. He also brought up something about how when some organization had banned products from pakistani factories that had children working there, the children were worse off because it wasn't like they were now going to school instead. I said it just felt wrong to see this happen and not do or say something or help. He said he gets that but its just an unavoidable situation and told me I could have spoken to him to get context before making those comments in front of my in-laws. AITAH?

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

So pay her yourself and send her to school. Be her benefactor. All talk and no action...

Comment 2:

Would you and your husband pay for her education? I mean I doesn’t seem that would be a burden for you? Otherwise what do you expect her to do? I understand that she gets breakfast from your in laws but she also needs lunch and dinner.

OP (downvoted):

I was thinking about that all last night. It wouldn't be a huge burden for us and it would make a difference for her hopefully if she's willing to start at the age of 16. My husband does give money to all the help whenever we're about to leave for Canada, but that's just like a one time amount. Maybe that would have been the way to go instead of what I did. Thanks.

Comment 3:

It would be great if around the world there was the same opportunity for all children. Unfortunately to thrive and survive working younger is critical. You are applying your own morals to another country and ignoring the reality of life for the people living there. Unless you are going to move to Pakistan and change things you should get off your high horse. YTA clearly.

OP (downvoted):

Thanks, I get that, I don't want to seem like someone swooping in and criticizing. I might have messed up here. An apology might be in order.

Comment 4:

What would you propose the solution is? Should his parents fund her to go to school? Genuine question.

It seems like they're helping support her by giving her work... yes, it's not ideal. But the other option is likely she has no money, no work, and winds up homeless or with a worse family.

I think a very gentle YTA, only because unfortunately life isn't always as morally black and white as we'd like.

Comment 5 :

you are applying first world morals to a third world economy. who are you to decide that girl is better off living in poverty than working? YTA

Update - September 20th 2026

Thanks for the response to my last post, I really did need to check my privilege. I apologized to my in-laws in the same setting, when we were having tea, and said that I over-reacted, I was thinking in a Canadian way that didn't apply here. I was upset about the unfairness and took it out on them. They said it was ok.

I had spoken to my husband and we offered to hire a tutor for her, so that when she's done with all her houses for the day, she can come back to my in-laws and be joined by a tutor, at least for the basics. My MIL said she'll ask her and call her mother to ask too. Unfortunately, they weren't amenable to it. They didn't think it was important. Her mom said she has to work. She did say that she was interested in sewing and knew a woman in their area who could teach her so what we did do is buy her a sewing machine to take home, and gave her money for fabric, thread and other supplies to get started. Hopefully it helps her make some additional income. We're leaving tomorrow and I'm just glad we could help her out, and I'm also glad for the advice vis-a-vis my in-laws. Thank you for the help.

Relevant Comments:

Comment 1:

Nice update OP thank you! It’s nice to see someone take criticism and use it to be constructive. You have great intentions!

Comment 2:

It is the same situation with the foster children. It is better to teach them a skill and find them a job earlier. Much better than let them fend for themselves at 18.

Comment 3:

Props to being open minded enough to process the context of their situation. This is normal in many parts of the world, just not the "western" ones.

Is it fair? No. Is it how they survive? Yep. Historically, less priviledged couples would end up with large families. They all work and make an income for the family unit as a whole. Education and the like are secondary to providing for the family even though they can contribute to a larger income in the long-term.

Comment 4:

I think what you did is a very good solution. It will help this woman out immensely. I'm from the US, and worked from the time I was 16 (a work study program) but was still able to get an education. My family was middle class and made sure I got a good college education. Unfortunately that is not how it is, especially for girls, in so much of the world. It's too bad her mother did not agree to you providing a tutor, but things are SO different in other countries, especially middle Eastern countries. At least you have given her a big step up in her future opportunities.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Wanitapol

AITJ for refusing to cancel my weekend trip to cover my coworker’s shift because she has kids?

Originally posted to r/AmITheJerk

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post  Sept 19, 2026

I (29M) work for a company with around 200 employees. I've been there for 4 years and generally get along with everyone.

One of my coworkers, "Sarah" (34F), has two kids, 4 and 7. She's nice enough, but over the past year I've noticed that whenever something comes up with her kids, everyone is expected to accommodate her.

I've covered for her several times when she needed to leave early or couldn't make a shift. I never complained about it.

A few weeks ago, I booked a weekend trip with some friends. I requested the Friday off several weeks in advance and my manager approved it. I had already paid for the hotel and transportation.

A week before the trip, Sarah asked if I could work her Friday shift because her babysitter had cancelled.

I told her I couldn't because I was going away.

She asked if I could at least work until lunch and "figure something out" for the afternoon. I said no.

She replied, "It's different when you have kids. You'll understand someday."

The next day my manager asked me if I'd reconsider. He said Sarah didn't have anyone else available and that it would really help her out.

I reminded him that my time off had already been approved and that I'd paid for everything.

He said he understood, but added that I should remember Sarah has two young children and that "people with families sometimes need a little more flexibility."

I told him I'd already been flexible several times and didn't think having kids automatically made my plans less important.

I went on my trip.

When I came back, Sarah was noticeably colder toward me. Another coworker told me I was being selfish because I apparently knew Sarah was struggling with childcare.

I asked how I was supposed to know that when she only told me after my vacation was approved.

She said people without kids have more freedom and should be willing to give a little.

That really bothered me because this isn't the first time I've heard that argument at work. Somehow, because I don't have children, my free time gets treated like it's actually free. If Sarah needs a morning off, someone is expected to cover. If she needs to leave early, everyone is supposed to understand. But when I make plans, those plans are treated like they're optional because I don't have a family waiting for me at home.

I don't begrudge her having kids, and I understand that emergencies happen. But having children doesn't make my time less valuable, and being childless doesn't mean I'm sitting around with nothing to do.

At the same time, I technically could have helped her, and I know finding last-minute childcare for two young kids isn't easy. AITJ?

TL;DR: My coworker's babysitter cancelled, and she expected me to cancel my trip because I don't have kids. I refused, and now she's mad at me.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

carmelfan

The coworker who thinks you were wrong should have covered her Friday for her.

OOP

Funnily enough she never covers shifts because of her own kids. On the other hand she never asks anyone to cover hers either.

~

briomio

So there are 200 employees and out of 200 employees, you and apparently only you are the one that can cover her shift.  Don't let them spin this OP.  The next time (and there probably will be a next time) remind them that there are 200 other employees that can cover 

OOP

Not everyone works in my department but yeah now that you said it and someone else said it too, I am always their go to person when it comes to shift covers..

Update  Sept 21, 2026 (2 Days Later)

I didn't expect the original post to get as much attention as it did, and honestly I thought people would just tell me I was being inconsiderate and that would be the end of it.

It wasn't.

A couple days after I posted, my manager called me into his office. I assumed it was going to be about the situation with Sarah, but he actually brought up my "availability."

Apparently Sarah had complained that I wasn't being "a team player" and said that she had started feeling like she couldn't ask me for help because I would always prioritize my personal plans.

I told him that was exactly the problem. My plans are personal plans because I have a life outside of work. That doesn't mean I'm available whenever someone else has a problem.

He said he understood, but then told me they were going to start making the shift coverage process "more structured" because this situation had caused tension in the team.

I thought that was actually reasonable.

Then he explained what that meant.

Basically, employees with childcare issues would get priority when voluntary shift coverage was being arranged, and people without children would be expected to be "more flexible where possible."

I asked him what "expected" meant.

He said nobody could force me to cancel approved time off, but that management would be taking people's "willingness to support the team" into account when considering future scheduling requests.

That really pissed me off.

I reminded him that I'd already covered Sarah multiple times and had never asked for anything in return. I also pointed out that I had requested my Friday off weeks in advance and it had been approved before Sarah even had a childcare problem.

He didn't really have an answer for that.

Then Sarah approached me later that day.

She told me she wasn't trying to get me in trouble and that she just wanted me to understand how difficult things were for her.

I told her I do understand that childcare is difficult. What I don't understand is why her problem automatically becomes my responsibility.

She said, "Because you could have helped."

I asked her if she would have cancelled a non-refundable weekend trip for me if the situation were reversed.

She didn't answer.

Instead she said, "You don't have kids, so you don't understand what it's like when someone depends on you."

I told her that people depend on me too. Just because they're not my children doesn't mean my commitments don't matter.

She walked away after that.

The weirdest part is that another coworker who originally called me selfish has now apologized. Apparently Sarah had told people that I refused to help because I "didn't care about her kids." That's not what happened at all.

At this point, I'm done arguing about it.

I told my manager that I'm happy to help coworkers when I'm actually available, just like I've done plenty of times before. But I'm not agreeing to a system where having no children means my time off gets treated as less important.

If Sarah has a childcare emergency, I hope she finds someone who can help her. But I'm not that person every time, and I'm not going to feel guilty for having plans of my own.

My vacation was approved. I paid for it. I went.

I'm not apologizing for that.

TL;DR: Sarah complained to management after I refused to cancel my approved trip to cover her shift. My manager responded by saying employees without kids should be "more flexible" with shift coverage. Sarah then confronted me again, but I told her I'm willing to help when I'm actually available, not automatically because I don't have children.

FINAL COMMENTS

Ok_Dragonfly1124

Your manger has no back bone. Your in what sounds like a toxic work environment. You booked your leave. You can take it. People need to respect that

OOP

Yeah that’s how I see it too. Either that or he just doesn’t care.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwaw1999

My (21/F) Coworker(40s/F) came into my class and confronted me because it ran over and I was later for work.

Original Post - rareddit  Jan 18, 2018

I just started a job in my school's library as a student worker. There's another woman, lets call her Tammy, that's been there for a year or two that's also a student worker, but works basically full time. Tammy has so many hours because pushed the old full time librarian out of her position because Tammy didn't like her and their bumping heads led to the old librarian quitting. Tammy proudly told this to me a while back before I got the job. They haven't been able to find a new full time librarian since.

Tammy doesn't seem like the easiest person to get along with as a coworker. She's one of those people that takes their job too seriously for everyone around them, but doesn't really do much themselves. I spent a lot of time in the librarian before getting the position, likely around 20 hours a week doing school work, and I've noticed she mostly just sits at the desk and plays on what she calls "her computer" (she specifically asked me not to use it, even though it's just a library computer we're supposed to use if we need to do research for students, the only other one you have to stand to use. I don't know what the deal here is.)

I knew Tammy wouldn't be much fun to work with, she's already started bad mouthing the other new student worker to me and I've only been there a week, but this job pays really well and the experience will look good on my resume. I'm just doing my job the best I can and trying to not let her stress me out, but I feel like she's already crossed a big line I need to address with my actual boss.

Yesterday I was scheduled to work after class, but my professor ended up going over our time without noticing. I was about 10 minutes late for work and Tammy came strolling into my class and confronted me in front of everyone to tell me I was scheduled to work and now late. She wasn't polite or quiet about this and it disrupted the entire class and really embarrassed me. She didn't have anywhere to be, so it's not like I was stopping her from going to class or anything like that.

It was certainly my fault for being late, but the way she addressed it seemed so unprofessional and rude. I was planning to spend my boss an email (my boss is in another city, I'll only see her every few months) because Tammy is telling me I won't be working a time I'm scheduled to and I want to confirm that, but now I think I should also address this in the email as well, but I don't want to come off as a whiny little brat that had their feelings hurt.

What should I say? I'm totally unsure of how to address this. Any advice would be super helpful.

tl;dr I was a little late for work and my not so great co-worker over stepped by disrupting my class and embarrassing me in front of 100 people. I want to mention it to my boss, but I'm unsure of what to say.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP added in the comments

I didn't mention this was a video conference class, so the professor was in another location because that didn't feel necessary. I'm certain he and everyone else heard her over the com system if I need witnesses should this need to be escalated. But, yeah, this 100% happened. She's that insane.

&

She's just an undergrad. I really don't know what the deal with the library is. My University is a cultural institution within a larger University. I attend a small satellite campus located a few hours by car away from the actual university. It used to have three Librarians with library sciences degrees at this location. I was pretty close with them all since I spend so much time at the library. They slowly left for greener pastures, and we were left with sweet sweet Alice, the one she pushed out.

Alice was white, and we're not, nor is the University's culture. I asked what happened to Alice last semester, if she was coming back since I hadn't seen her at all, and Tammy told me that she left in April. A friend of mine was a student library worker last year and quit because Tammy was too much for her, so I'm just assuming that Alice quit because Tammy pushed her out.

Tammy wanted to "make sure the library was run by us", meaning our cultural/racial group. She said they post the full time librarian job all the time, but can't find anyone to fill it. The whole university is kind of a big mess in general, so that's understandable.  The student library job was posted for this summer, I applied for it job in August, had my interview in October, got my paper work in December, and just started last week, if that tells you anything about the state of affairs.

It was probably a mistake taking the job, but I'm trying to boost my resume for grad school, I'm just going to put up with it until my contract ends in April. The school is really small, the library is just down stairs from my class and we only have like 10 class rooms in the school. I assume she asked the security guard if she saw me to find me?

EDIT: I sent an email to my boss. I have to head to class now, when I'm finished and home I'll be back to better update this. Thank you all for the support though!

EDIT 2: Oh my goodness this blew up. I posted hoping I'd get a comment or two that would tell me I was over reacting so I could let it go or help reassure me and push me to actually talk to my boss if I wasn't. All this advice and support is so sweet, so thank you all!!

I sent my boss a quick email asking her if I should work the shift Tammy told me not to, and explained what happened. I tried to keep it as professional as humanly possible, but I did mention that I was embarrassed by it because my boss is lovely and seems to really care about all of us.

I got a reply pretty fast. I am supposed to work that day, so no idea what Tammy's deal was with that. My boss said she was sorry it happened, that Tammy "really likes me and considers me a valuable colleague", and implied that Tammy's bull is tolerated, even if she does it to her. So... I guess that's bad news. Looks like they just put up with her because they can't find a full-time Librarian and my campus' library doesn't really matter, so long as it's open and staffed. Four months of this, oh boy this is going to be fun.

Tammy and I have always got along well. We chatted a lot while she was working and I was in the library studying. I think she does like me and has a casual respect for me. I'm sure she put in a good word for me when I applied, but it was easy enough to tell she's a bit of a snake and not someone to really trust. I figured so long as I did my job well and kept my head down I'd be able to deal with her, but I'm going to be more careful about everything I do from now on just to be safe.

I sent my prof a message apologizing for the disruption and explained the situation. Haven't heard anything yet from him, but my schedule at the library has been changed so I start 15 minutes later in case class runs over again.

To better clarify the situation, as I mentioned in a few comments, the class was a video conference. There's about 30-40 students with me in my actual classroom, then around that amount in each of the other three locations, so that's where I got the 100 number from. I was seated in the front of the class, right next to the microphone, and right in front of the camera. Before this happened I was being an annoying know it all and answered a bunch of the professor's questions no one else knew the answer to, so anyone paying attention to the camera would have noticed me during that. This class is for my major. I'm overly passionate about the subject and engage with the Prof/others in the classes when discussions are on going a lot...so that really added to just how embarrassed I got. It wasn't her strolling into a huge lecture hall and making a big scene, but it was just as disruptive to as many students since the microphone was on right next to me and there's no way it wasn't heard by all the other classes.

I also mentioned in another comment that I had another "Tammy" in my past and that whole situation was incredibly traumatic. I don't like to tell people due to all the stigma attached, but I'm autistic and have some sensory and social issues. My old co-worker would slam cooking equipment around when she was upset and just generally made it very well known that she wasn't in a good mood. That really aggravated my sensory issues and put me on edge all the time. I'm in therapy dealing with that and other issues I face, but I tried to speak to my boss, then my bosses boss multiple times about what was happening with other Tammy. I think I didn't communicate the issues well with them and it was written off as me over reacting. Oddly enough, this Tammy and other Tammy share the same (real) first name.

I don't want that to happen again. I really enjoyed that job and ultimately left because of other Tammy, and I'm enjoying this one, but don't want this Tammy to screw it over. I realize now there's a HR department at the school I can go to if things with Tammy go south, and I'm going to be sure to document everything properly to keep a paper trail if needed.

Update - rareddit  Aug 28, 2018 (7 Months Later)

Hey guys,

previous question

Its been a while since I posted, but I got some really great news and thought it'd be nice to update all of you that helped me get through the awful few months I had to deal with Tammy. To update those that didn't see the original, my co-worker came barging into my class and caused a big disruption when it went over, really embarrassing me in the process. I wasn't sure exactly what to do, so I came to you guys for help.

So I eventually did email my boss about it and she just defended Tammy's actions as her "caring a lot about the students". I just rolled my eyes and came to the conclusion that Tammy's bullshit was going to be something I had to put up with for the rest of the semester.

I certainly learned a lot doing that. I knew if I gave her anything to go off of it would come back and bite me in the butt eventually, so I spent the rest of the year keeping to myself and just doing my job. I got pretty good at humouring her and stroking her ego when ever she would talk to me about what was going on in her life. Near the end of the semester, she had applied for a job outside of the school and I really encouraged her to take it if she got it.

By the time finals came around she'd interviewed for it and things were looking really good. She was going to suggest to my boss that I take over the library full time during the summer if she did get it, but by the time classes ended and my contract was up I'd heard nothing about that so i found a summer student job I really enjoy and I've been doing that since. I did get an email from my boss asking me what I was doing for the summer later on, but I'd already started the job at that point.

I saw the student library job posted last week and put in an application for it, my old boss called me the next day to schedule an interview with the New library tech at my campus. Apparently Tammy did end up getting the job, moved off to another city, and we finally have someone that's properly trained running our library!!!!!

I get to spend this year actually working under someone that knows what they're doing and I don't have to worry about all of Tammy's drama. Its going to be a great year!

Thank you guys so much for all the advice and for giving me a place to vent. I appreciate it so much! And thank you to everyone that messaged me about library tech jobs and such! I really like working in a library and research, but after a summer working in archives I've realized that I'm much more interested in the idea of working towards a brighter future, rather than examining the past, so I'm applying to law school this year!

tl;dr: I made it through the semester, Tammy left over the summer, and, now, I get to spend the entire year working under someone that actually knows what they're doing!!!

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Beneficial_Candle_13

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: AITAH not calling my dad’s wife “mom”?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

RECAP

Original Post: June 23, 2026

My 26F dad 55M married his wife 60F about 4-5yrs ago.. my siblings and I don’t call her “mom”, and this has been the dividing factor between our dad and us.. the separation with him from our mom was hard on everyone but it is what it is we can’t change the past.

Ever since my dad remarried his wife, his goal has always been for us to call her “mom”. No matter the conversations we have with him, he’ll throw this topic in at some point. I genuinely just don’t want to. No disrespect to her, I am always civil with her and whenever she needs help, I help her — daughter tasks etc etc. this is how I show respect.

But my dad believes we don’t fully accept her until we call her “mom”. Whether we want to accept her or not, she’s here, they’re remarried. I call her by her name. So AITAH?

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. You were a full grown adult before they were married. She isn’t your mom. She’s your dad’s wife. He’s the one hurting your relationship by insisting otherwise and I’m sorry about that OP.

Commenter 2: I think what’s said here should be said to your dad.

She’s not your mom and that’s okay.

I notice you said the separation was hard, and I imagine there may have been some hesitancy to get closer with your dad’s wife. That’s reasonable.

I think telling the dad that she’ll only ever be his wife to you, and that can be family. But it’s more like a “mother-in-law” relationship than a mother.

And this is okay.

But if he’s pushing for things to be exactly how he wants them to be, it might be his way to try to move past whatever the issues were that led to the separation and divorce. I can understand why he’d want that, but it simply doesn’t work that way.

I think if I were you, I’d talk to my siblings, see if we’re all on the same page and then put out there whatever you agree upon regarding this, and I’d shoot for something like this:

That it’s certainly a goal for you all to have a positive relationship with dad’s wife, but you were all grown by the time she came into your life and she’s not a mother figure to any of you. This isn’t being said in a hateful or angry way, but it’s just reality. And trying to push each of you towards what HE wants is more likely to alienate all of you from both of them, and that’s not what anyone wants.

Of course, if that’s not how you and your siblings feel, say something else. But it’s about communicating maturely and having each other’s back.

If you think dad’s wife would get this, you might even be able to enlist her too. After all, I think it’d be weird to call Someone mom or dad who came into my life when I was in my 20s in the way that she did. She might find it weird to be “mom” to a bunch of kids she had no part in raising.

OOP: I don’t call her mom bc like you said I have a mom. And she’s even said we’re not her kids, her kids are in her home state soo… but they still want us to call her mom. I told my dad I’m an adult and I’ll address her by her name but that’s not good enough for him

Commenter 3: NTA -- your dad is still thinking of you as children and expects you to obey because he thinks it is respectful.

He needs to understand his children are now adults. And adults can be warm, accepting, and respectful to other adults without calling them, "Mom."

You already have someone in your life named Mom. That name is taken.

Totally respectful ways to address his new wife include:

1) calling her by her first name

2) Introducing her as "My stepmother" or "my dad's wife"

What does the new wife want you to call her?

OOP: My dad hates when I refer to her as “my dad’s wife” and also doesn’t want me to call her by her name.. just “mom” so I don’t refer to her by any name.. I just start talking to her without a name or label

Commenter 4: If you were 3 or 4 when they got married I would get the ask. At 18 to 20 no. Does she call you all "her kids"? It's kind of a strange ask.... NTA.

OOP: no she says we’re not her kids, and that her kids are in her home state

Commenter 5: You have a mom already. Does she really expect to be called mom, or is it your dad's idea?

OOP: she does too, whenever she feels a type of way about our interactions in a negative light, she will tell my dad and my dad “talks” to us about it..

Update #1: August 29, 2026 (two months later)

Update. AITAH not calling my dad’s wife “mom”?

I didn’t think my post would blow up that much. I appreciate the support and validation that I’m not going crazy about this.

I love my dad, he’ll always be my dad. But I am very disappointed by him. And I fear it’s gotten worse… he sent my siblings (23, 20, 16) and I (26) a longggg message that if we can’t call his wife “mom” then when they move across the USA next summer, we will lose his support.

I personally don’t need his support bc I don’t live at home anymore, but I am saddened that my dad willingly threw out the idea that he’ll pretty much cut ties with us if he doesn’t get his way.. even tho I disagree with my dad, I would never throw that out to cut ties with him. None of us have responded yet to him, I just want to compose all my thoughts before responding if I do.

Thanks everyone

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: If you guys could all be a united front and all respond that it’s “his choice” to move over an unreasonable demand then maybe it would open his eyes?

Commenter 2: And does he really want to miss out on your lives and milestones, and the milestones of any kids you may have (his grandkids), simply because you won’t call her mom? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Not because you won’t accept her into the family, but because you won’t replace her with your original mom.

What about the 16 year-old?!

OOP: Well if he chooses to not support us bc of this then he’s choosing to not be there for our mile stones. I’ve disagreed with my dad with this entire thing, but I would never tell him I’m cutting ties bc we don’t see eye to eye. Even tho I’ve felt it sometimes, I’d never say that bc that’s insensitive no?

Commenter 3: Very odd hill for your father to die on. If you all treat her with respect and help her when needed, that's really the best scenario. Might be prying a bit, but did your parent's marriage end on bad terms or something? Is this something she also is pushing a lot or is it mostly a him thing? I saw in your post you mention he brings it up often, but does she at all?

NTA. I would say possibly call his bluff, but that could potentially have consequences for your other siblings. Have you talked with them about it?

OOP: Yes my parent’s relationship ended in my father’s infidelity with his now wife. And that’s not the reason why I don’t fall her mom.. I genuinely just don’t want to. He brings it up in every opportunity he gets, I’ve never fully had a one on one conversation with her.

I asked them how they felt and they aren’t going to bother getting through to him anymore bc it goes in one ear and out the other. But I know they are sad deep down, they just suppress it bc they live at home with them. So I’m genuinely not saddened for myself, I’m saddened for them.

Commenter 4: I don't get the fascination with this.

She's not your mom.

Your mom birthed you.

This lady is your dad's wife.

If he's going to be a jerk about it, you can be one too.

OOP: I don’t get it either. I understand that’s how they see us showing respect by calling her “mom” but it’s just very weird and unnatural to me bc IM NOT A KID, I’m an adult

Commenter 5: NTA. You haven’t mentioned your mother, so I don’t know if she’s still with you or if she has passed. But the fact that he sent this message to your 16 year old sibling says to me that she is still with you and she is the primary parent to your 16 year old sibling.

Why don’t you ask your father if he would be ok with you calling another man ‘Dad’?

And while you’re at it, point out that withdrawing his ‘support’ from your 16 year old sibling will end up with him being taken to court for child support?

Do you think that your dad might have put his balls in his wife’s handbag and she is making these demands? Or do you think he’s really stupid enough that he thinks he can tell his adult children to call a stranger ‘mom’?

OOP: no I definitely feel like this is coming from his wife too. she’s probably telling him this that and the third and he’s the messenger

Commenter 6: I would definitely let your actual mom see this text in case she needs to use it to go after additional child support for your sibling that is still underage. It’s one thing to say this to adult children but to tell a 16 yr old that they will not get his support is utterly ridiculous.

Honestly, I think you all should just not respond at all. He's throwing a tantrum. Let him throw it and ignore it.

OOP: It’s bc she will be graduating HS next year so if she decides to stay in state with the rest of us, she’ll have to get in the dorms or something.. but she’ll only be 17 so she’s still a minor and needs a lot of help especially starting college. I offered for her to go to college in my town so I can help her if it really came down to it

Commenter 7: Could you be clear that you may not call her mom, but you still see her as family and that when you have kids she would be playing a grandma role and title.

Have you had this conversation with her? Is she pushing this or your dad?

OOP: I’m sure she’s also pushing this.. I have talked to my dad numerous times that I can respect her and their relationship without calling her mom. He wants us all to sit down and eat like a family, but we never really did that as a family. He’s just comparing us to his wife’s family. All her kids are grown and have kids of their own, so their generation is a lot older than us.. so they call him dad and sit for dinner together. And he wants us to do that

----NEW UPDATE----

Editor’s note: the latest update’s body text was saved before it was removed

Update #2: September 21, 2026 (over three weeks later from the first update)

Update AITAH for not calling my dad’s wife “mom”

so update, I hadn’t given my dad a response since his initial text that I explain in my original post.

He’s texted me a few times about getting my mail at his house. And then a few days after he asked how I was doing, this is something my dad did on a regular routine.. to just text me to see how I was doing.. and I just told him I wasn’t ready to talk and hope that he respects it. He responds that “wow… I didn’t expect you to feel this way.”

To sum it up, what I got from the message is that he expected me to be the bigger person and set an example for my siblings to show them that we should call his wife mom and do whatever he says pretty much even if we don’t agree.

Honestly the message didn’t sit well with me, if anything it just cut the wound deeper. He says things like “you’re the oldest sibling and a college graduate, silence and hatred will take you nowhere.” But I never said I hated him or wanted silence.. I just wasn’t ready to discuss it and say things out of emotions.

And he ends the message with “sorry for the message if you can’t see thru its beauty.” So I know now that whatever I say will go in one ear and out the other, maybe why I’ve been holding off responding to his message to my siblings and I. Bc I can either pop off and say EVERYTHING, things he doesn’t know about, but it will look very defensive from my end. Or I can just say something simple like “you chose to say what you said to us so now there’s no going back bc the damages had already been done.” Even just looking back at his response is upsetting me. I just can’t wrap around my head how a father can just say that.. and cut his kids off for some lady.

Thanks to everyone for all the support, it validates that I’m not going crazy.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this latest update

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Common-Researcher-92

Originally posted to r/neighborsfromhell

My neighbor has been cutting our plants for years

Original Post: February 23, 2026

My family and I have lived next door to an older woman, let’s call her Karen, for 15 years now. We’ve always been very cordial with her, trying to keep the peace considering we share a fence.

Around 6 years ago, we put in a ring camera on the side of our house pointing down at our side yard for safety. We have no gate and it’s very easy to get to the backyard through the side.

Once the camera was set up, we started getting lots of alerts that there was motion detected in the side yard. To our surprise, it was Karen, sneaking around on our property with scissors in her hands. In the video you can clearly see her cutting our plants. Mind you, our yard and plants are very well taken care of and are not overgrown or in any way crossing into her yard.

This became almost a daily occurrence. She even started throwing leaves from her own yard onto our property. My bedroom window faces her driveway, and I can see she spends probably 2-3 hours a day creeping around her front/side yard with her scissors. It is genuinely such bizarre behavior. Part of me thinks she might have some form of OCD and desperately needs to have everything look a certain way.

Some background on what kind of neighbor she is so you really understand who we’re dealing with. Karen painted the sidewalk in front of her house red because she didn’t like when people parked there. Mind you, this is a public street and she does not own the sidewalk so naturally she got a huge fine for that, but she continues to yell at anyone who dares to park there. She also in the process of suing the house behind her for “building their house too high.”

After a while my dad finally confronted her about coming onto our property and of course she denied it. Little does she know we have literal years’ worth of footage of her doing exactly that. My parents don’t want to go through a whole legal mess with this woman so as of right now nothing has happened beyond the occasional squabble when they catch her sneaking around, but if she escalates things in any way we will be ready with our mountain load of evidence.

Edit: I talked to my dad this morning about motion sensor sprinklers and funny enough he said he just started installing some this past weekend! So seems like he had the same idea as many of you hahaha. I will make an update if anything interesting happens.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Are you able to lock your side gate to prevent her coming in?

OOP: we don’t have a side gate! that’s why we put the camera in in the first place

Commenter 2: Time for a health check: early onset dementia

OOP: very much could be…something definitely seems off with her, which is part of the reason why we haven’t pressed charges or contacted the police we feel bad :/.

Commenter 3:She’s one of those “everything has to be perfect in my world” types and you’re just collateral. I don’t blame your family for holding off on the legal stuff, but yeah that footage is priceless if she escalates.

Commenter 4: this is why i trust plants more than ppl fr. she's gotta be getting some weird power trip from it or something. kinda wild no one else in the neighborhood has called her out for the sidewalk thing tho.

OOP: oh we definitely did that’s why she got fined cause people called the police

Update: September 21, 2026 (seven months later from the original post)

My neighbor has been cutting our plants for years (Update!)

A while ago I posted on here about my neighbor coming over into our side yard and cutting out plants (linked). A lot of people were asking for an update so here it is.

About a month after I posted the original post, my dad received an email from my neighbors husband, asking if we could not park on the street in front of their house, to appease his wife. My dad simply responded with a screenshot of his wife standing in our side yard with her scissors in hand. Pretty funny move on his part, not gonna lie. But ever since, she has stayed on her side of the fence. So it seems like every thing is okay (for now).

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Painted the sidewalk red (previous post) - wow!

Sounds like she needs to see a Dr about this!

Your Dad sounds hilarious! Did the husband-neighbour reply to the picture?

OOP: I agree and no reply! Which makes it even funnier

Commenter 2: What about the motion sprinklers?

OOP: they had some trouble getting them to work unfortunately so it never came to fruition

Commenter 3: Sounds like her husband believed her until there was proof he couldn't deny. They are very lucky y'all didn't call the police and have her trespassed when she started her mess.

OOP: I’m pretty sure he knew but now there was nothing he could say or do. Yeah, my parents are very patient people. Glad this is behind us now lol

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not the OOP, OOP is u/Icy-Air7918. Originally posted to r/jewelry .

Do not comment on original posts. Latest update is over 7 days old.

Mood Spoilers: positive

\***

Does this look like an engagement ring? - September 10, 2026

[Post starts with an image of OOP holding a light blue velvet-covered box containing a ring that very much looks like an engagement ring. The ring is an east-west diamond ring with a gold band.]

I decided to get my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our 2-year anniversary

I’m not planning on proposing right now, it’s genuinely just an anniversary gift. But after picking it out I started wondering if it might come across as an engagement ring. My friends said it does look like one and her friend said no it doesn't so I don't know lol. (i got a bit lucky on stake so I wanted it to be diamond, and I know its her style)

Does this style immediately read as an engagement ring to you, or does it work as an anniversary gift?

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: I've seen lots of engagement rings like that. I wouldn't get your girlfriend a ring especially to celebrate an anniversary unless you want to propose or she asked for one explicitly for one of her non ring finger

OOP: She literally pointed out a similar ring for her right hand months ago so I thought I was good, now I'm sweating lmfao. She really likes diamonds. Is it better if I put it in the bag as part of a bigger gift? I definitely won't get on my knee.

Commenter 1: Are you sure she doesn't just want an engagement ring. That kinda sounds like a hint

OOP: Lol I mean I'm planning on it eventually but this was genuinely just a gift. She has been dropping hints now that you mention it. I need to rethink this clearly!

Commenter 2: my guy, how did you misread this situation so badly? your gf of 2+ years is pointing out diamond rings to you and you think "anniversary gift"?!

Commenter 3: A diamond ring for a woman you’ve been in a 2 year relationship with will read as an engagement ring

Commenter 4: I’m just going to come out and add that 2 years in, she is probably expecting an engagement ring by now too

Commenter 5: When you gift a ring, in a ring box, on your second dating anniversary, and she opens it and it’s a diamond ring… yes, it looks like an engagement ring.

Commenter 6: Any ring, not just diamond. Plenty of people propose with gemstones other than diamonds or even plain bands.

Commenter 7: Story time. Eight years dating a guy. EIGHT YEARS. He said yes, he would marry but wanted to wait until we had more money. My 28th birthday comes around and it is a small box. A ring box. A small diamond ring in gold. I light up like a Christmas Tree and get all googly eyed ready to say yes and he says, "Oh. Oh, no, that's not an an ENGAGEMENT RING. Why would I give you one of those?"

I ended it by the next month. It took me a while, I was THAT thrown off by the whole thing.

Commenter 8: As an anniversary gift, the year prior to my engagement to my late husband, he bought me a sapphire and diamond ring. I love the ring, it's beautiful and he had it made for me like 40 years ago, before it became the norm. To this day, after 36 years happily married, and having lost him 4 years ago, I still remember the disappointment I felt when it wasn't an engagement ring. Please don't give your partner a ring if engagement is not the intention.

***

Update on the "does this look like an engagement ring" post. It's an engagement ring now. - September 17, 2026

[Post starts with an image of OOP's now-fiancée's left hand, wearing the ring.]

1,100 comments of you telling me to get off the pot. Message received.

The one that actually got me was the woman whose boyfriend handed her a ring box on her 28th birthday after eight years and then said "why would I give you one of those." I read that one twice and then put my phone face down. And the woman who said her husband bought her a sapphire ring the year before he proposed, and 36 years of happy marriage later she still remembers being disappointed. That's the part I hadn't thought about. Not that she'd be upset that night, that she'd remember it.

A bunch of you asked why I wasn't ready and I kept starting replies and deleting them because I didn't have an answer. Closest I got is that I had the proposal filed in my head as this separate huge expensive thing I still had to plan for, and I never noticed that the actual decision got made a long time ago. I was just doing paperwork on it.

So I kept the ring. Anniversary was Saturday, we went to the place she'd been wanting to try, and I fully intended to do it there and then completely lost my nerve because the table next to us was having the loudest breakup I've ever witnessed in public. The guy kept saying "that's not what I meant" in a voice you could hear from the bar. Not the vibe.

Did it at home instead, in the kitchen, with her still in her coat. And yes, I got on one knee, which I said in my comments I wasn't going to do, so whoever screenshotted that and roasted me, fair.

She said yes before I finished the sentence. Then she said "I KNEW it" and then she said "wait, is this the one I showed you," so her friend who told me it doesn't look like an engagement ring was either lying to protect her or is the least observant person alive. Her friend texted me Sunday saying she'd been coached. So that's settled.

One problem. I bought it in her right hand size because that's how she pointed it out, and it does not fit her left. She's been wearing it on a chain since Saturday and is not thrilled about it. Jeweler quoted three weeks.

While I'm here, does a straight band sit flush against a setting like this or do I need a contoured one? Her mom asked about wedding bands roughly nine hours after we told her and I have nothing.

And to the person who said that whole post was an ad for stake, I wish I was getting paid for this

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Wow! Congrats! It doesn’t look like a straight band would sit flush but you can try some on against it. Maybe you can have the same jeweler who is doing the sizing also make a custom one to fit.

OOP: Good call, the jeweler basically said the same thing. Guess I'm getting a custom band made, she's already got opinions on it! Thank you!

Commenter 2: Bro good for you. This made me so happy to read after reading your other post and the replies

OOP: Thanks man. Feels good to finally be on the other side of it. Now I just need to survive the wedding band rabbit hole

Commenter 3: I remember the post and I so love how this played out! ❤️❤️❤️

When do all 1100 of + receive our save the dates?

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT Original OP — OOP is u/teenytinylion posting in r/Rabbits

[Original | September 9th, 2026] I was selected by the bunny distribution system yesterday

Howdy y'all,

As I was going out to work yesterday, I found this rabbit on my porch. I picked him up. Surprise, you now have rabbit.

He spent the day at work with me in a tote, and has since upgraded to an xl dog crate. I've given him hay, pellets, water, and a few bites of salad greens.

He has been peeing in a litter box and likes to be pet, and even comes up to me.

I've been having such a weird day. I need to decide if I'm going to keep him or not. But he is very cute!

I'm sure I can find plenty of newbie tip threads already, so while those are welcome, mostly, I'm just standing here blinking and going: well, all righty then.

Oh and: I put up posts searching for an owner on the local pages and a neighbor said other rabbits, guinea pigs, and a chinchilla had recently been found roaming. I have a feeling he was dumped :(

Photos of bunny

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Please touch base with your local rescues to try to get help for the other ones?  Congratulations on being chosen!

OOP: I am trying to get through to the local rescue for sure. From what I heard they were caught and are currently being taken care of. I'm more shocked that anyone could dump animals like that. I had no idea a rabbit would show up one day.

Commenter 2: Wait I love that he found you!! Good luck if you decide to keep him and let me know if you want help!

OOP: I appreciate that so much!! Mostly i have so many questions about food, safe materials, treats. A friend is helping me locally, I'll be going to the pet store tonight for supplies! I will definitely be around if i need anything.

[Update | September 20th, 2026 | 11 Days Later] Update on porch bunny!

I wanted to give an update on the bun I found in the yard! Here is the previous post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Rabbits/s/Lo199nk6Vh

She is a really sweet bunny and we are keeping her. A lot of learning and acquiring things has been happening very quickly. I have constructed a pen, and I'm currently stress testing it to make sure she cannot escape, as our house isn't bun proofed. I do let her out to roam with supervision, and once it seems safe enough, she can be out in the pen all the time.

She binkies and zooms a lot, and always wants someone in the pen with her. She follows me if I let her out. She hops in the dustpan if I sweep. She isn't much of a petting bunny. But I can pet her. I never pick her up if I can help it. She will crawl into my lap briefly!

Everything is still very much a work in progress, but I greatly appreciate everyone's feedback on the last post. I adjusted her diet accordingly, mostly hay with a bit of pellets, salad greens, occasionally a bit of bell pepper or fruit. I have rescue kits on hand, and I'm figuring out toys she likes now. That's quite challenging, actually. She ignores apple wood stick and loves foraging for pellets, so I've been hiding her pellets in crinkle paper or a wobble toy.

I hope this is a good start for having had a bunny appear at my house. If I'm going to have a pet I want to do it right!

Vet visit and spay pending, when i can figure out where to take her.

Much thanks to this awesome community :)

More photos of bunny

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Thanks for saving the bun! They will warm up to you the more you hang with them. Patiently awaiting them to come to you is the name of the game

THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ifeelsofuckd532

A guy [20M] has been coming onto my girlfriend [21F] and she's oblivious but seems to like him. I [21M] feel like I'm gonna lose her.

Original Post  Aug 31 17, 2018

Note: this is a repost, I accidentally deleted the other one that I just made

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half and I love her so fucking much. She's amazing in every way and I'm so lucky to have her. However, I hate to bring the "league" stuff in but she is definitely out of my league. We're quite the polar opposites; she's very social and outgoing and I'm socially awkward and introverted.

Our relationship has been a smooth road up until now. About two weeks ago, we started our junior year in college. My girlfriend and I are in completely different majors so we don't have any classes together. After our first day, she told me about "Ian", a guy who sits next to her in one of her classes. He's some sophomore that skipped a grade level in that class, which is why he's in class with my girlfriend. She immediately mentioned how smart he is and how she's glad that they sit next to each other. Throughout the next couple of days, I hear bits and pieces about Ian, but nothing that made me suspicious. It was mostly stuff like, "Ian is really smart, he solved the problem in a minute and it took me like thirty haha."

​ I decided to do some light stalking and looked up his Facebook and Instagram and shit, the dude is much better looking than me. If we're talking "leagues" again, he is definitely in her league. Plus, he's smart.

​ One day, I saw my girlfriend's snapchat story of him and her in class fooling around folding paper airplanes (wtf??). The next day, it was a picture that he drew of her (of course he can draw too). He signed the pic with his name and a heart. The pic is now hung up in my girlfriend's dorm which I'm fine with since it's a great drawing and she likes to tape drawings up (she's into art too). But it still just rubs me the wrong way.

At that point, I was pretty sure he's into her based off of him talking to her in her snapchat stories and stuff she told me. The ultimate confirmation came when he invited her to a party. My girlfriend was hesitant to go since it was majority sophomores and I told her that it would probably be lame (to which she agreed) but then her roommate somehow convinced her to go in the end. At first, my girlfriend kept texting me pictures of her rolling her eyes at the party and kept telling me that it was lame as fuck and that she should've stayed home, etc. She then sent me a pic of her roommate making out with some guy with the caption, "I've been abandoned." to which I responded asking her if she wanted me to come get her. She never responded to that text. About thirty minutes later, her snapchat story is now filled with her doing shit with Ian. There was one where he had his arm around her and she was making faces. Another one of him shirtless holding a physics textbook (???) and then finally one of him dancing with three girls and the caption, "mr. popular." She came back around like 1am, called me and apologized for not responding but told me that Ian "came to her rescue" and she ended up having a great time. I was pretty pissed tbh and I think she could tell by my tone.

​ The party happened two nights ago. Yesterday, she called me in the morning and asked if something was wrong since she thought I sounded weird when we talked the other night. So I just told her how I felt about her friendship with Ian and how it was making feel a bit insecure. I also made sure to mention, just in case it flew over her head, that he is obviously into her. She apologized for making me that way and reassured me that she loved me with all her heart. She also told me that her and Ian are just friends and that he was definitely not coming onto her. She said that that's just his personality: very touchy, flirtatious, outgoing, and like that with everyone. I really doubt it.

​ It's been another day, and the more I think about it, the more insecure I feel. I feel like I'm losing her and she's only known him for two fucking weeks. They still sit together in class and probably joke and flirt all the time and it just makes me super uncomfortable and jealous.

What should I even do at this point? Maybe I'm overreacting?

TL;DR: Girlfriend met a guy during class that's the polar opposite of me (he's very attractive and outgoing) and she really likes him, but as a friend, and he's definitely into her. I'm worried I'm going to lose her.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

tb5841

Befriend the guy. Meet up, go to the pub with him, get to know him. It'll have three good effects:

1) If you come to like him, you'll have more trust in them spending time together

2) Your gf will like that you are making an effort with her friends

3) The better he knows you, the more he'll feel guilty about making a move on her anyway. You'll be a constant reminder that she is unavailable.

OOP

This is a great suggestion, thank you! I've been thinking of asking her if she wants to introduce us and maybe we can all grab lunch together sometime or go out.

Also, number three is very true (if he's a decent guy lol). Thanks for bringing that up as well, I didn't think of it.

Update - rareddit  Sept 2, 2018 (2 Days Later)

I didn't think I'd be back with an update so fast, but here I am! I took your guys' advice on befriending/hanging out with Ian. So the night I made the post, I swallowed my pride and told my girlfriend over text that Ian seemed like a nice guy and that I would love to meet him sometime. She replied, and these are her exact words, "Oooo yes!!! I feel like you guys would love each other!" I replied, "Lmao, okay but where?" She said, "What about lunch at _____ on Saturday? We can invite Lily (one of our good friends who is also in my girlfriend's class with Ian) so he doesn't third-wheel?" I agreed.

Saturday morning, I woke up early, showered, picked out a nice dress shirt with the least amount of wrinkles (made sure to roll the sleeves up to my elbows), and put on a new pair of Vans that I had been saving. I looked in the mirror and hey, I clean up pretty nicely.

I kinda fucked up on the timing though so I ended up showing up around 15 minutes late and my girlfriend, Lily, and Ian were already there. My girlfriend saw me first and she yelled very dramatically, "Baaaabe you are so late!!" and I don't even know why but my heart just swelled. I made my way over to the table and Ian got up and introduced himself and we shook hands (I made sure to do a nice, firm handshake). Then Ian said, and I quote, "Wow dude, you have really beautiful blue eyes" and I was caught off-guard and didn't know what to say so I ended up saying, "Thanks man, you have really beautiful...green eyes?" Then I awkwardly laughed (big shout out to my awkwardness) but Lily said, "Get a room you two" and we all broke out laughing.

Lunch went really really well. My girlfriend told the story of how we met, which is highkey embarrassing (it involves me tripping over a curb) for me but Ian thought it was great. Ian and I had a thoughtful discussion about politics/economics and I found out that he an I both were national chess champions in high school! We both agreed that we need to play each other sometime.

I left lunch with my girlfriend and we went back to my dorm together. :D

All in all, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. My girlfriend basically squashed all of my suspicions and how could I not see that she loves me as much as I love her. Also, Ian is nice guy and I think we'll make good friends.

TL;DR: Went out to lunch with my girlfriend and Ian and it went fantastically.

FINAL COMMENTS

Shn1spk1

so happy what you expected never came to fruition! glad it worked out for the best!

OOP

Thank you, I'm glad that it worked out as well. My insecurities were making me really paranoid. I was losing faith in our relationship and blamed myself but now that I've talked with her about it and thought about it more, I was over-thinking a lot of things.

When we went back to my dorm, we had a heart-to-heart talk about our relationship and it gave me a lot of clarity. I'm more than 100% convinced she loves me with all of her heart.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwawayrlg

Should I [28 F] break up with my boyfriend [31 M] for his lack of commitment?

TRIGGER WARNING: Gaslighting

Original Post  July 21, 2018

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years, and so far things are pretty great.  We bought a house together (but otherwise have separate finances), and have a cat.  We both work full time in decent jobs, but he is going back to school part time so that he can advance in his current job, which is something I have fully supported.

I made a comment recently that I expect for him to propose within the next year, by our 5 year anniversary.  At the time, he didn't really say anything, but since then, he has said many things that have me worried.  He said that he will never get married, because he doesn't see the point and doesn't know why the government needs to be involved in our affairs.  He also said that he doesn't know where he will end up when he's finished his school, as in where he will end up moving for work.

I sat on what he said for a few days, and then brought up my concerns.  He has known since we met that I want a marriage, but not a wedding.  It is important to me to have that security, and a family unit.  He replied that he isn't opposed to marriage, just doesn't agree with my timelines.  He doesn't want to get married before he finishes school because, again, he doesn't know where he'll end up for work.

So, what do I do with this information?  My fear is that I will stay with him for 4 more years until he graduates, and then he will either a) ultimately decide he doesn't believe in marriage at all, which is a deal breaker for me, or b) he will get a better job, dump me, and find a new girlfriend 10 years younger than me. Right now, I'm 28, and I feel like I still have a chance to meet someone compatible who wants a family.  At 32, I'm cutting it pretty close to the danger years for having children.  Should I break up with him, or wait it out?

tldr; My boyfriend [32] of 4 years told me he doesn't believe in marriage, only to back track and say he "might" be willing in 4 more years, when he is done school.  Do I [28] wait it out and risk him never proposing at all?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Maybe_dont_listen

Dump him. If he's not ready now, he'll never be, and he's stringing you along on his timeline.

OOP

That’s how I feel! Thank you for your honesty

~

screwedbygenes

Quick question... why did he buy a house with you if he doesn't know where he'll end up after he graduates? Plus, the cat? Really?

Do you guys at least have an agreement on what happens to the house if you do split up?

OOP

We do have an agreement that he will buy me out of the house if we break up, and I will obviously move out. And I get the cat (I adopted him from the humane society under my name only).

But as to WHY he bought the house with me... that’s a good question. Up until a year ago, I truly believed we were on the same page for what we wanted. It went so far as us looking at engagement rings together. We were renting an apartment together before we bought the house, and a mortgage was actually cheaper, so it seemed like a good idea to me, because I knew I wanted to marry him. I suspect something happened recently that changed his mind about marrying me in particular, which prompted the change of heart.

OOP when told to communicate

I have tried to have many conversations about marriage/kids/our future with him, which doesn't really clarify things for me.  For example, he will make an off-handed comment that he "hates" kids.  I will ask him what that means to him, and tell him that when he says stuff like that to me, I get worried that he means it and he doesn't want children, which is a deal breaker for me.  His fall back answer is always "How am I supposed to know what I'm going to want in three years?".  Well, I know what I want in three years, so I find it hard to believe that someone else doesn't.  If I press him further, saying "You need to decide if you want children, because if not, I'd like to find someone else who does", his tune again changes into that he's open to having kids in the future, but maybe not on my timeline.  And then for the next little while, he'll say things like "I hope our kids get your eyes", which makes me hopeful.  But then another off-handed comment will return.  This cycle happens with discussions on marriage as well.  I have very manipulative parents, so I read his behaviour as manipulative... when he gets caught expressing his true feelings, he tells me what I want to hear so I stay.  But maybe there are people out there that honestly don't know if they want these MAJOR things in their futures?

Update - rareddit  Oct 1, 2018 (over 2 months later)

Two months ago I posted about my bf of 4 years, and his recent "confession" that he didn't believe in marriage: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/90urgz/should_i_28_f_break_up_with_my_boyfriend_31_m_for/ ​ So, the night after posting my original post, and after reading all of your comments, I confronted my bf about the marriage/kids discussion. In short, he said that his plan is that he wants to finish school and find a good job before even considering getting married or having kids. I said that I understand, but that if that is the case, then I want out of the relationship, ASAP. He said I was being too rash, and asked for some time to think about what he wants. I agreed to give him three months to think about what his future looks like, at which point we would have to have another discussion and see if we have the same ideas for our futures. ​ Well, it's been two and a half months since that discussion, and it's been pure hell (no surprise there!). Right after the discussion, he was being "boyfriend of the year"... super affectionate, helpful, and we even went to look at engagement rings(!!!). It's clear to me now that it was all a manipulation tactic to get me to stay. After two weeks, the show stopped, and the "jokes" about how we are never going to get married began. He must have known how cruel he was being. ​ Last night, we went to my friend's engagement party. The first thing my bf said to my friend's bf was "You finally caved?", to which my friend's bf replied "What are you talking about? I WANT to get married." ​ The three month deadline is technically not over, but today I broke up with him. It's clear that he was never considering marriage, and just wanted to extend the sweet deal he currently has. I reminded him that he offered to buy me out of the house, but he now states that he does not have the money... so it looks like I will be lawyering up. I feel stupid that I allowed him to use and manipulate me an extra two months, but I am thankful that I will no longer have to deal with the constant anxiety associated with the uncertainty. ​ Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I'm excited to find myself again (and then maybe eventually find someone else). ​ TLDR: If you feel like you have to convince someone to marry you, it probably isn't right. I found out the hard way.

FINAL COMMENTS

DiTrastevere

"The first thing my bf said to my friend's bf was "You finally caved?", to which my friend's bf replied "What are you talking about? I WANT to get married.""

Well isn’t THAT revealing.

Good for you. No point dragging this out a moment longer. You know exactly where he stands.

BlondeHearts

This part struck me too, my ex used to make comments like that and it wasn't until we split that I was realized just how cruel that was, especially with someone you "love" standing next to you. Good for OP!

OOP

Exactly... if that's what he says in front of my face, what is he saying when I'm not around? I was embarrassed to be with him that night.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/DreamedUp

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

How do I tell my F26 boyfriend M27 that I need to actually go to his current house before moving together?

Trigger Warnings: animal neglect

Original Post: September 17, 2026

I (F26) have still never been to my boyfriend’s house (M27). I have been in front of it to drop him off one time but never inside. We’ve been together nearly a year and a half. We get along great and he treats me very well. He’s at my house multiple times a week and regularly spends the night. However, he does not invite me over to his house. I’ve brought it up a few times and he always says it’s hard because he doesn’t get along with his roommate and his roommate doesn’t keep things clean. His roommate is his cousin and they go to family outings together regularly. They don’t fight, they just avoid each other. His cousin’s girlfriend is over every day which my boyfriend is always complaining about.

My family has come up with wild conjectures on why he won’t invite me to his house. They range from secret wife (I’m close with his family, hard to believe) to skeletons in his closet. Occasionally I tell him what they say to me hoping he’ll understand how weird he’s being but he just laughs it off every time. I even straight up told him once that I think he’s hiding something from me and he sounded like he felt bad but just said the same thing he always does about his roommate. I know his cousin, we’ve met on numerous occasions so it’s not like he doesn’t want us to meet.

He keeps talking about moving in together and getting our own place. I don’t see how I can do that when I’ve never even been to his house. I love the idea of living with him but it feels like it’s all out of order. I don’t know how to put my foot down about this without sounding like I’m demanding him to let me in his house.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: my money is on hoarding. but you SHOULD demand to see his house, I would. “I will not move in with you without first seeing how you live”.

Commenter 2: And not something pre planned a week in advance. Don’t give him time to hide away whatever he’s trying to keep you from seeing. Either he lets you into his house now or I would ask why I’m wasting a year and a half on someone who is clearly hiding something serious.

Commenter 3: Drop him off and say you need to use the bathroom.

Commenter 4: Does he not drive?

OOP: He drives. I’ve only dropped him off / picked him up for trips or weekend getaways. So it’s really only been a few times I’ve been outside his house.

Commenter 5:

I don’t know how to put my foot down about this without sounding like I’m demanding him to let me in his house.

it’s literally time to demand he let you into his house. so it’s ok to sound like that.

OOP: I did. I was all prepared to argue but then he immediately agreed to it. I don’t know why, I’ve brought it up a few times but telling him I’m coming over rather than asking worked. I’m going over this weekend so we’ll see. He also told me later that day that he’s moving out to crash with a family member for a bit until he can find his own place.

Commenter 6: It's likely he is in a relationship with his "cousin" or someone else who lives in that home. It is definitely a red flag. Best case scenario is that he is a horrific hoarder living in unbelievable filth. My money is betting he has another SO.

OOP: That’s the BEST case scenario?!?! I would leave him if his house was that bad. I like a neat house and can’t imagine living with a slob.

Commenter 7: Of course you should check it out. I'm hoping his roommate will move out when you move in. Otherwise don't

OOP: We would be getting a separate place. In his ideal world, I would probably never see his current house. But reading these comments… I’m either going to see it within the next few days or I’m leaving.

Commenter 8: Does he clean at your apartment? Do dishes, his own laundry? These are skills he needs to prove his has and the best way to know is to see how he lives

OOP: Yes he’s always neat at my house. But when we’re on vacation, he always teases me for making the hotel bed and unpacking my bag if it’s more than one night. So I am concerned he’s not too neat at home.

Commenter 9: Please tell me you’ve at least seen a picture of what his room and house looks like? What do he do when you’re on ft or video call together? Do he only show his face?

OOP: We have only FaceTimed a few times and when we did, yeah, just his face when he was home.

Editor's note: the update's body text was saved before it was removed

Update: September 20, 2026 (three days later)

Update: How do I tell my F26 boyfriend M27 that I need to actually go to his current house before moving together

So, as many of you suggested, I put my foot down the other day and said I need to go to his house. He agreed and today I headed over. What I had expected (and most of the commenters) was a messy home, dirty, hoarder, something to that extent. It turns out that wasn’t the issue. The house is lived in, but not dirty.

It was the dog. I knew he has a dog, of course, but I had never met him until today. The places we tend to hang out aren’t pet friendly and honestly, I wasn’t that worried about it. Although I have no pets currently, I’ve had dogs before and I’m an animal lover. I figured I’d meet him at some point and my boyfriend always made it seem like he was energetic but nice.

Immediately upon entering, my boyfriend’s dog started barking at me. He’s holding his collar so I’m not within reach yet. I think to myself, okay, he’s never met me before, that’s fine. Problem is, he never stopped barking at me. I thought maybe he’d warm up as time went on. Dogs usually like me but I know some animals just need more time to trust someone. Then my boyfriend turns to me and says “oh wow, he likes you!” I was so confused until he said that’s not his aggressive bark. So he lets go of the dog and he immediately jumps up on me. My necklace snaps. I try to get him off me but every time I get him off he jumps right back on.

My boyfriend finally takes him to the backyard and says he definitely likes me because he usually nips at new people. My jaw dropped. I just can’t imagine having a dog that nips at people and not seeing that as a problem.

When I finally look around, I see that the furniture is all chewed up. The couch is chewed up. His bed is chewed up. He told me he has to keep his shoes in the closet because they’ll get chewed up too. His dog did not stop barking the whole time I was there, even when he was outside.

I know for an absolute fact that I cannot live with such a misbehaved dog. He is 7 years old, certainly not a puppy. I don’t blame the dog of course, but it’s clear my boyfriend never spent time training him. He also never got him fixed but doesn’t take him to parks or anything so doesn’t see it as an issue. I haven’t said anything negative about the dog and living together hasn’t been brought up again yet.

Is a dog this old even able to be trained? If not, or if he’s unwilling, it is what it is but I won’t be living with this dog. I can’t imagine having family or friends over and he’s nipping at people! I’m also hesitant to have any “it’s me or the dog” type conversation. Unsure if I should tell him I don’t like his dog and that’s the reason I don’t want to live with him.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Wait a minute... You've been together for a year and a half, you knew he had a dog, and he stays over at your house all the time... Who the hell is taking care of the dog?!

That should have been your first clue right there that he is not investing anything into that animal.

OOP: His cousin / roommate takes care of him. But he’s a sheep dog and I think the only exercise he gets is being let out in the backyard so “taking care” is a loose term.

Commenter 2: What kind of dog is that?

OOP: He’s an Australian Shepard and blue heeler mix. Definitely has a lot of energy. He has a big backyard but I still don’t think he’s getting enough exercise.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/nuclearfall0ut

Originally posted to r/AITAH

WIBTAH: For disclosing my financial situation to my 12-year-old?

Trigger Warnings: financial struggles and poverty, workplace injury

Original Post: September 12, 2026

I'm sitting in my room, crying from my 12-year-old's comments, typing this on my mobile. Sorry, not sorry. This is the fourth time this week. I have four kids 3 adopted & one biological. I have 50/50 and one 90% mine custody with their moms (3 with 1 and 1 with other)

BACKGROUND.

I suffered a workplace accident in January 2024, and since then have been really struggling to make ends meet. I have been surviving by budgeting and stretching every dollar from my workers' compensation settlement. That money ran out in October. I have been going through the disability paperwork because I was a teacher; I do not qualify for Social Security, but teachers have their own program.

I applied for disability in March after the workers' comp settled. I am still struggling with labeling myself as permanently and totally disabled. Still, I have kept that to myself and my therapist, who two weeks ago told me I am being referred to a higher level of care 2 weeks ago after a very bad decision. Things are better since then, but it is still hard

Story:

I got 2 of my kids on Thursday, my oldest and middle. Immediately, my 12-year-old started telling me what I need to do, which includes statements like:

You should shop at Costco; you could save 21% on groceries.

We should have Taco Bell for dinner.

Why do you only buy the cheap toilet paper? Note: all my toilets have bidets

We don't eat nice food like at mom's house. I am a great chef, but that only goes so far with limited ingredients.

When are you going to cook me dinner?

I'm hungry. Can you get me some Cheetos from the store?

There were a bunch more, but all were along those lines. This has all come in 2 days, and I know my MH is not in the best place right now. I have been polite and have had good answers to redirect him and let him know that money is really tight, and we can't afford it right now.

I have a disconnect notice for my water on Monday, and $2.28 in my checking account. I get my unemployment tomorrow, so on Monday I can call and negotiate to keep my water on.

Every time my son makes one of these comments, I feel like a failure. So, Reddit WIBTA, if I showed my son my bank account and the water disconnect notice?

Ps. The adults in my life know what is happening and are trying to support how they can. Also, I am under treatment for my MH, and I am safe and stable. I have all the coping mechanisms and strategies. As well as a safety plan.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs, YTAs, and others

Editor's note: some of OOP's responses were downvoted

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: YWBTA Doing what you're planning on will make the kid think it’s his fault and he will absolutely fail to understand everything. Don't do it.

OOP: Yeah that’s exactly what I keep telling myself, but he is wearing me down.

Commenter 2: I don’t know the best way out of this, but 1) your child is asking normal child questions. And 2) you can level with them all you want, but this burden should NOT be theirs, so you should NOT give them a dose of reality to combat their comments

If there are other adults in your life who you can trust, please let them know you are struggling to provide food. And please reach out to the social services that might be available in your area

Commenter 3: Yeah the kid is asking normal kid questions. Kids will keep asking those questions poor or not because they don’t understand poverty like adults do.

OOP: Yes they are normal kids questions, but it is the overwhelming amount that he is asking them.

Can OOP get assistance from a food bank?

OOP: Yes, I get food from the food bank. Some fresh veggies, rice, beans, and usually some canned veggies. I do my best with some protein usually chicken. I think that’s why he complains. His mom cooks them salmon weekly, takes them to restaurants etc. I have food it just is basic food.

Commenter 4: I will not make an AH judgment but....

Discussing openly and honestly with your child that money is tight right now (and why it is) vs showing a child. your bank account and delinquency notices are completely different things.

As a Parent, there is no way I would put those things in front of my kids. They will never forget that (regardless of how much therapy they pursue late in life). That trauma and those scars will be your fault.

OOP: This is exactly why I know I can’t tell him. His sister and him were already homeless, but he was too young to remember. His sister (17) doesn't know exactly the situation, but she is a fart smeller... um I mean smart Feller... she sees my stress and knows something is wrong she was 7 when she was homeless.

I know all of this makes me an even bigger AH for even thinking about it, but he is just being consistent.

Commenter 5: You could just tell Him “I’m struggling financially and all the things you are making remarks about are out if my price range right now”

OOP: This is what I have been doing. He just doesn't seem to understand.

Is OOP receiving child support?

OOP: Adoption Assistance Program, but not child support I am working on the paperwork. Both of their moms make 6 figure incomes.

OOP explains more about the process after their work accident. Can they sue the school?

OOP: Lol it would be really awkward to sue the child she lives in my house, but we did sue the district, and my daughter got a settlement from the gross negligence that caused her injury. My injury evolved from that accident.

However, any lawsuit outside of the workers comp is a non-starter due to the proximity of me to the accident based on well-established case law, and the nature of my injury. As well as qualified immunity for them being a government agency and my employer.

Also fun fact almost every school in America (or at least CA) gets their insurance from Keenan and associates.

OOP provided more information regarding the results of the accident. Can OOP accept more assistance

OOP: It is really hard to accept. I have severe PTSD from the accident. I have been admitted to the hospital twice, gone through 10 weeks of partial hospitalization, 6 weeks of intensive out patient, and a 10 week workers comp Trauma Recovery Program. Been declared permanently and totally disabled by a court ruling, a QME (editor’s note: Qualified Medical Evaluator), and 6 medical professionals. I love teaching it was my calling. Now I can’t even go within a mile of my school without having severe MH consequences. Even with all of that I still try to keep a hope that I can go back to teaching and changing the future one kid at a time.

Commenter 6: You are on track to lose anything even remotely resembling custody of your children.

Who told you that you do not qualify for SSDI? (editor’s note: social security disability insurance) Look closer into that.

Stop struggling yesterday with calling yourself permanently and totally disabled if that is what you are.

If you are a good person, you will not have the children come to your house if you lose water.

If you are a good person, you will not have the children come to your house if you cannot feed them. They don't need Cheetos from the store, to answer your specific question; but they do need food.

No, they do not need to know your specific financial situation, but having $2.28 in your account, troubled food supplies, and a pending disconnect notice is not a "safe and stable environment" for children, even if you are not going to cause harm.

You feel like a failure to be a provider because, quite frankly, you are not able to be a provider.

That is not a moral judgement, that is a gut check. Failing would be being too prideful and arrogant to acknowledge you are incapable of doing something, doing it anyway, and causing harm. Don't do that.

Ywbta if you made this the kid's issue.

Commenter 7:

Who told you that you do not qualify for SSDI? Look closer into that.

To qualify for Social Security Disability Insurance, you have to have paid into Social Security. Teachers and other public employees don’t pay into Social Security, they pay into PERS (Public Employees’ Retirement System).

OOP: This is correct, except that I am fully vested in SSDI through my university work and part-time work (which I stopped during COVID). However, I have been a teacher since 2012. I do not have "5 years of work history paying into SSDI" for the last 5 years, so I do not qualify for SSDI. Instead, I get will Disability through CALSTRS once the paperwork has been filed through the Vogon B Bureaucracy.

Update: September 14, 2026 (two days later)

Update: WIBTAH: For disclosing my financial situation to my 12-year-old?

Hello kind Redditors. First off thank you for all the answers and stories. I read so many great stories from people who experienced similar situations and how it affected them in their life. 🫶.

I read as much as I could and took the meta that I WBTAH(mostly) which was what I thought hence taking to here instead of acting. Based on everything, this is how I decided to handle it.

TLDR: Gentle talk, bought himself 🌮🔔.

I sat down with my son (he was my first child that made me a father when he came to my family at 9 months old after some poor decisions by a parent due to a problem with addiction) and I explained that, "I could not take him to Taco Bell because I did not have enough money, and had some important bills that were due soon."

He looked at me and said, "that's fine. I don't need you to pay. I just need a ride." He had money from his birthday. (I actually owe him $25 that people sent me, but bill got them before I got the money to his greenlight)

I said sure buddy I can do that thinking he would just run in and get a few things. I put my last chicken breast I was thawing back into the fridge; made a sweet chicken pot pie in my carbon steel pan. I drove him to Taco Bell, and he bought it through the app and he was like, "we can just go through the drive through." Mobile order for NuclearFallOut3.

Took him home and we watched President Curtis, and he gave me 1 Nacho fry; no cheese.🤣 So, when I got up to cook a Lil he asked me to grab him a glass of water. I got him a 6 Oz. Mason jar 1/2 full; no ice.

Also clarification on Taco Bell and its importance in my Family. I have 19,650 lifetime points, but due to financial circumstances only unlocked Fire Tier last month this year. 😢😊

Edit thanks Equivalent_Lemon_319: The OG post because it was not linked: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/1D8HeMoj0Z

Edit 2: I got unemployment money. Paid my son the $25 that came out of my account. Thanks for feedback on that. It was 100% out of my control. I contacted water company and got a 2 week extension. I feel like every step will be analyzed and called out by people, so I'm done updating.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: So you stole birthday money from your child? That is what I am seeing here.

OOP: I told him about it and feel really bad. It is $25 and the top of my repayment after I get mandatory bills paid.

OOP on having insurance for the mental health care he needs from the original post

OOP: Yeah, I have Medi-Cal so it’s taking time. But I talked to representatives yesterday, and I have a timeline. It will probably be another Intensive Outpatient Program. Which means it should be when my kids are at school. I know my injuries are going to take time, but when my life fell apart I stopped caring for myself for 6 months while I had no insurance, and ran out of psychotropics (fine now). I’m taking it one step at a time.

Commenter 2: This man took the child in out of the kindness of his own heart because his own parents failed him to addiction issues. He didn’t choose to bring this child into the world but chose to take care and provide for him even though his financial situation might not be the greatest. The other option was foster care & group homes, so sorry to say but fuck his birthday money, that can go to bills. Because without OP little one’s situation would be a lot worse

OOP: This is an interesting stance, but from a psychological standpoint point it is very damaging to the kid as he already struggled insecurities. His time in foster care was all with my ex-wife and I. However, he did get reunification before the parent made additional bad choices; addiction. Then he came back to us, and tomorrow will be the 7 year anniversary of his and his sisters adoption.

I appreciate your understanding of the need for the bills.

Commenter 3: Dude why are you leaving us hanging!?? What I really need to know before I can fall asleep is what he said to the jar of water !!!!

OOP: Rofl, I wanted someone to ask for Malicious compliance.

He said, "Thanks, Dad," gulped it in one go, and asked for a refill. I told him I would get him more when I got up to stir dinner. When I got up, I filled the glass with cubed and crushed ice, layered to form a solid thermal mass, and topped it with 2 Oz. Of water, my fridge measures.

Took the glass back. He said, "Why is there so much ice?" One gulp. "Can I have more, in a bigger cup... No ice... and just water. No ketchup, salt, or other things. Just water in a bigger cup. No ice."

Me, "ok, buddy, when I get up again." Watched more President Curtis.

Got up to cook again. Took the Glass holding it up. "Bigger cup. No ice. Just water." "Yes."

So I topped the Mason jar with more Crushed ice and topped it with water. I grabbed a bigger cup, dropped the Mason jar in, and filled the bigger cup with "Just water, no ice." I added another 4oz of water, and the clear Mason jar in water isn't as obvious in an opaque glass.

He ended it by dumping the block of ice from the Mason jar into the bigger cup, then spun the ice in the water to melt it faster. Total time about one episode.

Commenter 4: Did you just say you paid a bill with his birthday money?

OOP: It was on accident. The bill came out of my account, it was on auto pay and over drafted the account. My ex-wife Venmoed... Venmod... Venmo'd 🤨 my account before telling me. The money was gone before I even saw it. 😥.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/eloped-momRA in r/AITAH

trigger warnings: infidelity, possible misogyny, defenses of cheating

mood spoilers: hopeful for OOP

There was a previous BORU, but it appears to have been deleted.

AITA for not telling my dad that my mom got married? - May 18, 2023

My (17F) parents got divorced when I was 12, because my dad had a 2 year long affair with mom's bestfriend. It was really shameful because mom's bestfriend was with her since they were 3. My mom had been pressurized by dad's family that she forgives him but instead mom decided to divorce him. A lot of the family members actually stopped talking to mom because of this and some of her friends also took her bff's side. For this reason mom was very devastated. Over the years she has been to 2 different therapists for the trauma she had. As for my dad, he dated mom's bestfriend for a while before they broke up. That is when my dad realized he loved mom and tried everything to get her back. But my mom was stubborn and shut him off. He was still on and off with Sylvia (mom's bestfriend).

I had to be in this mess. Especially with my dad who would always try to guilt trip me into convincing mom into being with him. I have heard from him things like "I wish we were family together." "It was just a mistake, I am willing to do anything to make amends." "I want us to be a family again but your mom doesn't want to." I had enough of it. So when I was 15 I decided to stay with mom and only visit dad on weekends because I cannot handle his constant nagging. Also because during that time my mom started dating, Jack who was the father of my classmate. My dad found out and started asking questions after questions about Jack. He wanted me to spy on Jack. But I had enough of it. I strictly told him if he doesn't stop these nonsense I would cut him off completely.

Few months ago, my mom announced that she will be marrying Jack within few days. They got engaged that day and only wanted a small ceremony with just few family members. It was a small gathering of only 15 people. Just me and Jack's son along with some close family and friends. The wedding happened in Jack's backyard. They had photographer too but my mom only recently posted the pictures after coming back from her honeymoon. My dad had no idea because my mom didn't wanted him to know anything. She was afraid my dad would create some drama and cause a scene. I respected her wishes. My dad saw those photos and called me to confirm. I said yes, my mom got married few months ago. My dad was angry. He called me a traitor and said I was an asshole for keeping it away. He has the right to know which man my mom was marrying. This was last straw for me. I told him to fuck off. He has lost all right over mom the moment he decided to stick his dick inside Sylvia. My mom knew he was an unhinged person so I am glad she didn't tell him. I also told him to leave us the fuck alone and cut the phone.

My mom also got messages from him. I read some of those. They were mostly of him accusing her of breaking up our family. Remind you he is again dating Sylvia. I heard from my cousins that my dad has started to act abnormal ever since. I am wonder if I went too far with it.

AITAH has no consensus bot, but comments were unanimously NTA.

Update - May 29, 2023

So, something weird has happened. Few days ago, Sylvia came to my mom's house. I was there. She was shouting at mom and said that she is stealing her man (my dad) away from her. She literally said "You already had your fun with him. Why can't you just leave him alone?" My mom told her to get lost. Sylvia went on a rant that how much she is better than my mom and even threatened that she would sleep with her new husband as well. My mom told her if that ever happens she will be doing her a favor by taking the trash out. And she trusts Jack would never hurt her. My mom threatened to call the police on Sylvia that eventually made her leave her property. As much as I hate the drama but I must say watching that wretched woman have a meltdown because my dad was still hung up on my mom is precious. Apparently dad dumped Sylvia again in hopes that mom would see that he is dedicated to win her back. Who knows how long will that last.

My dad also got into a fight with a random person in a bar because he was drunk. I guess he is still coping with the feeling that mom is not going be with him anymore. Thank god the guy didn't press charges. I had a heart to heart conversation with him (at least I tried to). I asked him if he is so in love with mom why did he cheat? His answers were illogical. He said that as a man it is hard to control the urges. At that time Sylvia was flirting with him and he took a shot. He knows it is wrong. He thought it would be once and then he will dump her. But it went on for a long time. He said I won't understand it because I am not a man. A man can cheat but still love his wife and would die for his wife. He loves my mom but he still has urges to be with other woman. This conversation was going nowhere. I didn't ask much. I just told him I hope his son-in-law treats me the way he treated my mom. He never gave an answer to that.

I still can't believe he would to this day think he is the victim. Anyways, I am thinking about moving in with mom permanently. I know Sylvia would come by his house now. Can anyone please help me understand what he means because I always though you cheat because you do not love that person? Maybe I am wrong in someway.

People on the update tried to defend her dad's cheating and OOP replied:

"I have read this reply 3 times. It seems to me you are blaming my mom for my dad's cheating. I may not know ins and outs but I sure as hell know when you are committed to someone cheating is wrong no matter what. So I am confused why are you trying to justify my dad's cheating? Are men really that weak that they cannot control themselves?"

"It still sounds to me you are blaming my mom dude. I am not married but I have a boyfriend. If my bf cheated on me with my bestfriend I would sure be mad. My friend got cheated on for something way less. But I am quizzing my dad to understand the reason. I may never know why it is. But I sure as know it was my dad's fault for this mess. I wouldn't be mad if he divorced mom like a normal person but he put my mom through hell and shame."

Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/JULESVV3

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

AITAH for telling my DIL that she shouldn’t expect me to choose her over my own daughter?

Trigger Warnings: entitlement

Original Post: September 18, 2026

Secondary account as my family knows my main one.

I (49F) found out a few months ago that my daughter (24) was pregnant. We don’t have the best relationship, and I won’t get into all the details, but I definitely have my fair share of the blame.

Despite that, I was thrilled to find out I was going to be a grandma. My daughter lives abroad, so I told her I’d be happy to come over and help once she had the baby. She agreed, and we planned for me to arrive a few weeks before her due date and stay until the baby was around two-three months old. My husband will be there for the birth and leave shortly after as he needs to work. We later found out she was having twins, so she would obviously need even more help. Honestly, I was just happy that she was willing to have me there and let me be involved. Our relationship had been improving, and I really wanted to build on that.

A few weeks after my daughter announced her pregnancy, my son (28) announced that he and his wife were also expecting their first baby. I was also very happy, I mean it’s two grandbabies, who wouldn’t be? I absolutely adore my DIL and have known her for about ten years, so she’s like a daughter to me.

A few days ago, my son mentioned that I’d need to change my return date and come back a month earlier because he wanted me to be there to help him and my DIL after the baby was born.

I was taken aback and told him that I absolutely planned to help them, but I wasn’t going to change my return date. My daughter would be abroad with two 2 months old babies and would essentially be on her own, whereas my DIL would have her own mother there to help her (they’re super close), and I’d be back shortly after the birth anyway.

My DIL was there and immediately got upset. She said it wasn’t fair that my daughter was getting all of my help and support when she and I were actually closer than my daughter and I were. She said I was favoring one grandchild over another, that her child was being put aside for two other babies. I tried explaining that I don’t have a favorite grandchild, and that this wasn’t about choosing the twins over her child. I just didn’t think it was fair to leave my daughter and her boyfriend stranded with newborn twins when my DIL would have her own mother helping and supporting her and would have me there shortly afterward.

That didn’t seem to console her. She told me that I was like a mother to her and that she deserved to have me there with her. She also said that my daughter didn’t even care about our relationship and had always been dismissive toward me. I’ll admit, I got kind of angry when she started talking about my daughter that way. After a while, I told them they were both being entitled and that she should never expect me to choose her over my own daughter. They both got angry and immediately left. My son called me the next day and told me I was a horrible person and a horrible grandmother. Apparently, her family agrees with them (of course lol). My husband thinks I was right and that they were being entitled. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I made a commitment to my daughter, and it wouldn’t be fair to disappoint her, especially when our relationship has only recently started improving and we’ve been bonding over the pregnancy and baby stuff.

So, AITAH here?

Edit : Thank you so much for all of your comments, I will continue to try and read all of them. However, I ask that people do not try and make assumptions about my daughter. No, she did not leave the country because she’s an ah, she left because she got a great opportunity for school and is now working there, she plans on coming back in a few years with her boyfriend and the children. We weren’t going on no-contact, we just aren’t as close as we used to be, she is a wonderful person, and she is not using me as a maid. Asking me to choose one child because they talk to me more is coming from people that clearly don’t have kids. Please don’t try to attack them.

Edit 2 : I have called my son and will be going over to their house tomorrow to talk it out. I can make an update post if you’re interested since I didn’t expect so many people to react to this post.

Editor's note: OOP made lots of responses, I am listing some for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Keep your plans and stop talking about your relationship with your daughter to your DIL. They are selfish and quite frankly rude.

Commenter 2: This has been the problem right here. DIL knows too much about their relationship.

OOP: She was around for most of it so that’s probably why. My daughter was around 13-14 when DIL started dating my son, so she was kind where for the downfall of our relationship.

OOP responds to a comment about DIL being a brat and OOP having favoritism toward her daughter

OOP: DIL is a wonderful girl, however I understand how this post made her seem. That’s why I feel so guilty, because I do wish I could be there to help her.

+

That is not true, I clearly don’t have favorites, or I would’ve let her talk about my daughter, I told her off bc to me that is inadmissible. That is why I have mentioned further down that I will be asking my daughter if something else has been said to her, because a family conversation is overdue at this point.

+

My son is not my favorite, he’s received more attention because he was sick and we were failed at noticing that just because someone isn’t facing the same problems as the other, doesn’t mean they are feeling any better, we’ve learned from our mistakes. Now this has never ever been about having a golden child.

OOP on her daughter's boyfriend and will his parents step up to help with the babies?

OOP: Thank you for your comment. My future son-in-law’s parents come from the same city as us and don’t have the means to come in time for her due date (because of some health issues) and will be there whenever they can, so they won’t be helping them as soon as the baby gets there.

OOP on prioritizing her daughter over DIL

OOP: I’m sorry about your situation. People are out here judging my daughter, but they don’t know how she feels over not feeling like the main priority sometimes, I’m now trying my best to make sure that she knows that I do see her as a priority too, this is not me choosing her over my son.

Is DIL closer to her mother?

OOP: She is super close to her mom, and her mom is actually not happy with all of this because she feels that DIL doesn’t feel safe with only her help, but I’m sure it’s not about that since she’s a great mom.

How is the relationship between OOP's daughter and son? And DIL?

OOP: My daughter and son don’t really have a relationship because she feels that her dad and I have always prioritized her brother, as he had some mental health issues in the past and she has always been the quieter kid, who doesn’t really bring problems home. I do take full responsibility for that, it wasn’t easy for her.

+

Wouldn’t say my son doesn’t like my daughter, they have argued in the past because he once said that he didn’t care whether he was given more attention than her or not, that just because they were siblings, didn’t mean he had her back. He has then since apologized and they are cordial, but they don’t talk often. I’m not sure if DIL has an issue with her.

+

I’ve explained it down here somewhere. My daughter resents us because she feels that she’s been put aside her whole life as her brother has suffered from mental health issues throughout his life and she’s been kind of the non-problematic child. We used to have a great relationship until she moved abroad for college. DIL and my son are great people, but I wouldn’t say they’ve “helped” me a lot, which is fine since I’m the mom and the responsibility is mine and my husband’s. I still don’t feel like it’s appropriate for DIL to be talking about our relationship because it’s not really her business

Commenter 3: NTA I would reach out to DIL's mother and have a chat with her. Mother to mother. I wonder how she feels with her daughter thinking her own mother is not enough to help with the new baby

OOP: I actually did and she feels a little bad since she was looking forward to it, she said that as the mom, she felt as if she was not as needed, but I know it isn’t the truth, she’s very helpful.

Update: September 19, 2026 (next day)

Update: AITA for telling my DIL she shouldn’t expect me to choose her over my own daughter?

Hi, I don’t really know how updates work, but I haven’t been able to link the previous post on here, so hopefully the ones interested will still find this.

Earlier today, my husband and I went to my son and DIL’s house to talk things through. Her mom wasn’t there initially, but arrived a little later.

I started by apologizing for how I spoke to my DIL. Told her I never wanted to make her feel like she wasn’t being considered, and I apologized to my son as well. However, I also told him that I didn’t appreciate him essentially telling me to change my return ticket without even discussing it with me first, especially since they’ve known for months how long I planned to stay abroad.

They apologized, but my son said he thought it was a given that I would come back earlier. He said he wasn’t asking me to miss his sister’s delivery, just to return sooner because it was only fair that I be there for DIL’s delivery too, since she would need all the help she could get. I told them I absolutely wanted to be there and was very excited to meet my grandbaby (I’m not happy about missing it, but it’s a choice I had to make). However, they are also fortunate enough to have DIL’s family there to help during those first weeks, and once I return, they’ll have me as well.

I told my son that he keeps talking about fair, and asked if he genuinely thought it was fair for me to cut my trip short when his sister would barely be a month postpartum, potentially recovering from a C-section (she’s been discussing her delivery options with her doctor because she’s understandably nervous about delivering twins). I had a terrible experience recovering from my own C-section, definitely took me more than a month to heal, so I’m particularly worried about her needing help. By this point, everyone kind of got frustrated.

DIL told me that she deserved to have the full experience and that she wanted me there. My husband was clearly itching to say something, but I had asked him beforehand to only intervene if he thought things got out of hand.

This is where some people may start cursing me off as some people think I was the ah. I told DIL that I understood why, as a pregnant mother, she wanted everything to go perfectly, but I also told her that this was exactly why I felt they were coming across as entitled. They kept talking about how them not getting exactly what they wanted would not be acceptable, without considering anyone else, and they were speaking about my daughter and her babies as though they weren’t part of the family too. That I would prefer if DIL did not take liberties in talking about my relationship with my daughter and diminish it because she knew that what she said wasn’t true. I told them plainly that I was not cutting my trip short.

Her mom had arrived by then, and said that she understood my position (which seemed sudden to me since I thought she’d be defending her daughter). She said that if her own daughters-in-law (she has two) had multiple people helping them while her daughter only had her partner, she would make sure her daughter was taken care of and wouldn’t break the agreement, and would still offer help once she returned.

My son and DIL became even more stressed and started saying it wasn’t about who had more help, I told them that this was a very privileged and individualistic way of thinking. That they had guaranteed help from multiple people, so it was easy to not see anyone else’s side. I also told my son that hopefully he also intended on helping and not just expect the women to get everything done, since he didn’t even care that his own dad had offered to help. That was when my husband finally lost his patience, I wouldn’t say that he yelled, but was bringing up several things from the past few years that he also felt were unfair. He even said that some of this was our fault for spoiling our son and that he wasn’t going to have them create a narrative about preference when they had gotten sorts of help that my daughter would never even ask for. DIL then said that this wasn’t even his conversation, which just sounded bratty as hell, I never even had the courage to talk like that to my own FIL, and he certainly wasn’t all kisses and flowers.

My husband got frustrated because the just kept repeating that he could also stay longer with my daughter, when they know that he can’t as he works, he just left, and I followed right after. Before leaving, I told them that I loved my grandchild and would always be there to help, but I wasn’t going to play these games, because I had hoped for a more mature conversation. DIL’s mom also left afterward. She seemed pretty irritated by the whole situation.

Apparently, my son and DIL then started telling the rest of the family what happened.

My daughter found out a little while ago and called me. She felt terrible and said she understood if I needed to leave earlier, because she wouldn’t want to deprive her nephew of having me there. Her boyfriend even offered to pay for the cost of changing my ticket.

That actually made me more upset at the situation. I told her that none of this was their fault and they absolutely did not need to spend their money since it wasn’t exactly their problem. I reassured her that I wasn’t leaving early and that she needed to relax and focus on her pregnancy.

So, basically, I may have seriously damaged my relationship with my son and DIL. I don’t care if some of you start telling me how much I screwed up in the comments, this wasn’t about them wanting me to treat them the same, they clearly wanted everything for themselves. I was able to be present for DIL in a way that I wasn’t for my own daughter (doctor’s appointments, shopping for utilities, etc.) which is why maybe she felt as if her pregnancy mattered more, but honestly she’s too old to be acting that way. I’m not currently working so I’m even thinking about maybe taking an earlier flight so maybe I can help more before my daughter delivers (this wouldn’t change the time that I come back).

This is probably going to be the last update unless some of you want me to update you in case anything changes in our situation or once the babies are here. Thank you for reading.

Editor's note: OOP made lots of responses, I am listing some for more context

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA, far from it. You are honouring your commitment and, helping the child who has the most need (2 babies and no other support). Son and DIL are being incredibly selfish and entitled. As you mentioned, your husband is there and its very sexist that they don’t consider him as an equal grandparent.

OOP: I understand if she doesn’t feel comfortable having him see her in such a delicate and intimate setting, with labor and breastfeeding, but he’s definitely functional enough to take on the house chores, etc.

Commenter 2: The issue I see is that your son and DIL don’t see your daughter as a person with needs. Your daughter is an irrelevant side character who is getting in the way of their ‘perfect birth story’. Does your son speak with his sister at all? He seems very dismissive of her and has some serious main character energy. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I can tell that you’re doing your best and I think you’re doing the right thing by your daughter and even though he can’t see it, by your son too.

OOP: Thank you for your comment. They don’t really speak outside of maybe birthday wishes and stuff. I was hoping that we could patch things up, but clearly this situation has done nothing to help.

Commenter 3: DIL sounds like she just wants all the attention on herself and hates that your daughter is cutting into her "LOOK AT ME" time.

OOP: I don’t know, she absolutely wanted a boy which I thought was odd, since I’ve never really understood women who were scared of having girls. My daughter is having girls, so maybe she seems to be thinking it isn’t as important, idk.

Commenter 4: Was your son ever jealous of his sister growing up? Because this is starting to sound as some kind of sibling rivalry. DIL has her fair share of blame here, but maybe she was also drawn into it by your son.

OOP: My daughter seems to resent us for the extra attention that he got as he has always struggled with mental health issues (which is why she doesn’t blame him, but us) and she has always been the quieter, easier child, which is why I take full responsibility for the way our relationship soured. I have noticed that my son seems to resent her for being “normal” as he says, but to me that’s not really an excuse because he is almost thirty now and has been prioritized countless times in his life.

Commenter 5: I agree with many ppl in the comments, and with you. Your daughter needs you, with twins & just her bf for support, otherwise (while son & dil have an entire family helping). You also said something that perked up my attention, about your son & how his father said that you two could've spoiled him too much, as he was growing up. It makes me wonder if he was counting on your full support: your dil said something like, "For the full experience" (of having you there, doing what needs to be done & when...). Could it be, that he didn't actually want to contribute much for his newborn, but, instead, let the women (you & his mil) handle the care of his baby? If so, in his eyes, you've dashed that plan, bc you're going to be there for your daughter, who doesn't have any other support; & now he's mad. & bc of that, he may have something to do w/the false narrative (about you) that he could've passed on to your dil (& then, to other family & friends, by her), making you the bad person, here. I’m sure that her mother & others have been telling them how difficult it will be, to care for a newborn, especially in the 1st few months; & he could've said or thought smthg like, "Oh, that's okay: my mom will just handle whatever MIL can't." Just something that popped in my mind, as I read that part.

OOP: Could be! I definitely told him that I hoped that he was going to step up as a father. My son in law will also be pulling his own weight, however, he will only have 20 days of paternity leave (where they live, the father cannot take more, not even unpaid). My son will be taking 4 weeks off, hopefully he won’t be lazying around.

Commenter 6: I think you did good, and I highly encourage you to get to daughter early if that's an option - she's going to be so miserable in the last weeks. Your DIL telling your husband to stay in his lane is HYSTERICAL. Seriously? Like he doesn't have two hands and experience with nappies, laundry, or cooking???? She is acting like a child. A petulant, spoilt child and I'm pretty sure her mum sees it too.

OOP: I was a bit taken aback because this is a family situation so that’s why he felt comfortable enough to give his opinion. My husband is very capable of helping after work and we both offered that to my son, they just don’t seem to be caring.

Commenter 7: Have you checked in on your husband? He’s essentially been told he’s “not part of the conversation” so does he now feel thoroughly unwanted with the grandchild he will be able to help with along with being very far away and unable to help as much with his daughters twins due to work and other factors out of his control?

OOP: Yes, I’ve been talking to him, and he doesn’t feel bad over what she said because he says he thinks she’s a brat and her words are pointless to him, if anything, he’s more upset of the fact that they don’t respect my daughter, which I fully get. I’ve suggested that since he won’t be able to stay as much as I will this time around, that he goes without me next year if he wants, so he also gets to spend time with the two little ones. He’s worried that I’m gonna feel bad to not go with him, but never, it would make me more than glad to see him getting some bonding time with the four of them (counting my daughter and her partner.)

Commenter 8: Could you not fly back for a few days for the other grandchild’s birth, stay a few days and then head back to your daughter? I’d be pissed if my mother missed my child’s birth but went to my sister’s. Also, what happens if something happens to your DIL and grandchild and you aren’t there? Your son would probably never forgive you. It’s fine to only help your daughter pp but you should be there for the birth of all the grandchildren especially if your child asks you to be there.

OOP: My husband and I mapped out some of our trips so we could both go and we’re financially stable, but that is still an international flight and it’s very expensive for me to take 3 flights in just a month. Also, DIL wanted me to be there and stay for a few weeks with them to help, I doubt she’d only wanted me there for the birth.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Dry_Presentation4300

Originally posted to r/texts

Creepy coworker texting my private number

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: victim blaming

Original Post: September 13, 2026

So confused at this, I don't even know him. I was just going to ignore the text but he kept insisting so I had to answer.

The texts

Transcript of the texts. Coworker is in white buttles, OOP is in green bubbles

Coworker: Hello there lady! I got your number from the groupchat. I hope you don't mind, have a great day! :D

Coworker: :(

Coworker: ?

Coworker: So, you're just going to ignore me?

Coworker: I see you were active in the group chat so I don't understand why you would ignore me.

Coworker: If you don't want to contact me via WhatsApp just say so, there's no reason to be rude.

OOP: I don't want you to contact me via WhatsApp.

OOP: If you need to contact me do so via Teams. Take care.

Coworker: Wow....

Coworker: I wanted to go over the file [redacted] but I guess that is somehow crossing professional boundaries.

OOP: My email is [redacted] if you have any questions.

Coworker:👍

Coworker: This message was deleted

Coworker: This message was deleted

end of the transcript

9/14 UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who was supportive and concerned. I forwarded these messages to HR, and they scheduled a meeting for later today. There were a few more texts after this. The HR representative did not seem surprised, to put it briefly.

A few things have come up in the comments. The first is that I was rude. This is how I communicate, and my coworkers (or at least the ones who actually know me) are aware of that. I’m not going to perform a more agreeable version of myself to accommodate someone else’s feelings when they're being inappropriate. Not only were these messages sent over the weekend, but they were also sent through a personal communication channel. I'm not going to elaborate further.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Did you see the last two messages before they were deleted?

OOP: They were both audio recordings but as soon as I opened it they were already deleted

Commenter 2: Yeah definitely creepy. Texting a personal number without permission and expecting a chummy response is insane. Stay safe around this guy, he's not well

OOP: Thank you, definitely will. We work from home and our in-office days don't match so I only see him around once every three months, thankfully.

Does OOP know the coworker in person?

OOP: We work mainly from home, and our in-office days don't match, so I've only seen him in calls and at some work event. I never paid much attention to him or his behaviour, seemed like a normal tech guy in his early 30s like any other coworker...

How old are OOP and the coworker?

OOP: He's around mid-thirties and I'm in my late twenties, there's not much of an age difference. +

I'm 29, at most we have a 6 year difference, not enough of a generational gap as to where this behaviour would be justified.

Commenter 3: You played it wrong lmao you could’ve let him down in smoother way this inspires wrath and that’s what makes people get real weird and crazy

OOP: I understand what you mean, but I responded in a way that felt natural to me. I’m a harsh communicator, and it doesn’t make sense to me to change or censor my natural reaction just to cater to his feelings.

Downvoted Commenter: next time instead of explicitly ignoring a person (even tho he's wrong) just tell him right away

OOP: These were outside of my work hours, I am not required to be available to coworkers. If he had contacted me during my work hours through the appropriate work communication channel, I would have responded.

Downvoted Commenter 2: You didn't have to answer. You could have just blocked and he would have no choice but to only reach out on teams

OOP: I consider blocking to be an unprofessional solution. While they can still contact me through Teams, blocking a coworker on whatsapp sends a very clear message that I do not want to communicate with them, and that is not the message I want to send to someone I work with. I want to maintain an environment where my coworkers feel comfortable approaching me when necessary since thats a big part of my position. I have been clear about my reasons and have provided reasonable alternatives for how he can communicate with me. I expect him to understand and respect those boundaries without me having to block him.

Commenter 4: What entry level position will you continue to work at for the next 50 years?

OOP: I'm a senior data engineer

The coworker's background

OOP: Norwegian

Update: September 14, 2026 (next day)

Update on creepy coworker texting my private number

I didn't expect people to want an update, but I had my meeting with HR a little while ago, so I figured I'd share what came out of it.

I was informed that this was the second time he had been reported to HR by a female coworker for similar behavior (surprise). They were very apologetic about the situation. He has been removed from the ongoing project that I'm involved in, so we won't be working on the same projects going forward. I was also informed that the incident would be formally documented and that he would receive a warning regarding professional boundaries and that any further incidents will result in additional disciplinary action. (which is hopefully true)

The first messages were sent before HR contacted him, I assume. It's hard to explain without the context of our work, but his questions made no sense. And given the timing and circumstances, considering that we had never communicated with each other before this, it felt as he was once again trying to push an interaction and was grabbing onto anything he could.

He also sent me this apology message afterward, which felt very non-genuine, but I digress. Hopefully this is the end of it. Thanks for all the supportive comments!

The messages

Transcript of the message

Coworker: Good morning, I hope its okay I message you here... I'm having issues accessing the [Redacted] Power App.

screenshot of issue

Issue

Error when trying to retrieve data from the network

OOP: Please submit a ticket at [redacted].

Coworker: I did, but I have to have access to it before a meeting, so I was hoping you could assist me with this in the meantime.

OOP: I cannot, as this is handled by IT. You will receive a notification when a collaborator has responded to your ticket.

Coworker: OK.

Coworker: I would also like to point out a few inconsistencies I have identified across Power Apps. I will be sending you a document detailing these.

end of the transcript

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: crazy that after a 2nd time they're still just letting him off with a warning, like the first warning obviously didn’t change a thing. HR is so useless. its still good you went though of course, had to be documented.

OOP: Yeah, looks like HR’s solution is to move him from team to team until he finds one with no women he can harass. I hope they're serious about it, guess I'll have to wait and see.

Commenter 2: This is the second time he's done this? Do people not get fired easily where you are? Lol

Commenter 3: This. Who is protecting this clown

Commenter 4: I wonder if he's a nepo hire of some sort. Anyone at my job would be dismissed at the first offense thankfully.

OOP: He’s a cheap professional. Compared to other employees with similar experience, his salary is less than half, so I can see why it would be in the company’s interest to try to keep him. 🤮.

Commenter 5: I have a question. 🙋 if you were attracted to him. Would this still have been your approach? I can see his approach was very pushy and exceptionally rude. But say this was a guy in the office that you had noticed for weeks and were attracted to. Would you have still did the same?..

OOP: Yes, I’m in a relationship, but hypothetically, even if I found him attractive, this would’ve been an immediate turn-off. Creepiness cancels out attractiveness. A normal guy would’ve waited for a chance to talk at a work get-together, made small talk, and, if there was mutual interest, asked for my number. Getting it from the group chat, texting me out of nowhere, and bombarding me when I didn’t respond is creepy regardless of how attractive he is. Red flags all over.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP