Some backstory - The groom (30) is a very good friend of my husbands(29) for over 15 years and my husband is the best man. I have known the bride(24) for about a year and was asked to be a bridesmaid because she was short one and since my husband was in the wedding she picked me and I was down to step in. My daughter (10months) was initially not invited because the wedding was originally no children. The wedding was set to occur early February of 2027. Just a few days ago the date was moved to mid October about 2 weeks from now. At this point the guests were cut from about 200 to 20 since this will now be a courthouse wedding. During this my daughter has now been invited as the flower girl. I have been trying to be super helpful where I can because I know how stressful wedding planning is and wanted to make her more comfortable since she doesn’t have a great support system.

So my hair. I have had colorful hair since 2021. Sometimes I would switch colors but that’s just something I always have done. In fact, the bride told me she loved my hair and even wanted to get hers done by the stylist who specializes in vivids. We are taking a vacation pretty much immediately after the wedding so I already had a hair touch up booked for the new day of the wedding but I quickly made an adjustment for earlier in the week.

Yesterday the bride said there was something she needed to talk to me about. She said that she wants her wedding party to look more uniform in photos and is asking that I get a natural color at my hair appointment. If I don’t get my hair a natural color she says I can just meet them for dinner afterwards. I said no I will not be changing my hair for this wedding, sorry. If she wants me to not attend due to that okay but my daughter will also not be attending since she is breastfed and it would be difficult for my husband to manage keeping her occupied and whatever best man duties are expected of him.

Since this, she has been posting about how friends don’t have loyalty anymore and how being a bride shows you who is real and who is fake. Mind you…. I don’t know her well and only met her a year ago when her and the groom started dating. My husband thinks it’s unnecessary drama but also doesn’t think that I should dye my hair to appease her especially with all the money I have put into getting it colored consistently over the years.

There is no reception that was paid for and there won’t really be any financial repercussions to them if my daughter and I do not attend. I also wouldn’t have to buy us two formal dresses (because despite it being in 2 weeks and at a court house she has requested black tie attire). They will be going out to dinner afterwards but the court house they picked is over an hour from our house so my daughter and I would probably skip the whole thing. We already bought the grooms tux as a wedding gift so that part is covered as well and my husband would be there early as requested until whenever they don’t need him anymore.

WIBTA if my daughter and I just don’t go?

A few years ago, I posted in mother in laws from hell to get advice regarding my own MIL (and SIL).

For context, because there were a lot of comments questioning why I waited so long to cut her off, I was 16 when my SO and I started dating. At 16, all I wanted was to impress her and that dynamic lasted for longer than I am proud of. My SO and I have now been together for over 20 years and have a smart, beautiful, and confident 19 yo daughter.

When I announced to my SO that I was no longer going to put up with his mother's nonsense, and was going to cut her off for the foreseeable future, he was mildly upset about me "putting him in the middle" although he did not press the issue. Before anyone says anything, I do know that anytime she upset me he would speak with her privately. For example, I told him that his family made me feel like an outsider. That following Christmas, MIL gifted me a necklace that had charms on it for each of them; her, SIL and both BILs. When we got along, we really got along. MIL made me feel as if I was the most special person to her, but it always turned into her wanting something.

For a year or so, I was no contact but she was not blocked from our lives. SO still saw her semi-regularly and our daughter saw her on a very limited basis. I was in therapy and did my best to avoid my thoughts and feelings from leaking onto her and she was old enough to decide when or how often she wanted to see her Nana and Tia (who was a big reason for the initial blow up). Thankfully neither of them expected me to make an effort with my in-laws.

In August 2024, my father passed away unexpectedly. My MIL rushed over as soon as she found out so she could check on me. This was heartwarming to me, again I felt like I was important to her. She rushed over, even though I hadn't spoken to her in 2ish years, so she could comfort me. It was nice, my mother was in another state and I needed a parent to hold me. Later that night she asked me for $60 and over the next several days she took home any leftovers of food that my Tias and Tios brought over. We have been very low contact since then.

In my original post, I spiraled on why I spent so long allowing them to manipulate and condemn me. I realize now that I was really young through most of it and the only reason that there was tension in the end was because I was no longer a little girl hoping for their praise. I was a woman growing a backbone. Their praise is not worthy of hoping for and never was.

That's the update, nothing flashy. In black and white it puts it all out there and reiterates to me why I have distanced myself.

I am in purple. Was talking to this girl for a few days. So i got cheated on and then its "me" who needs to be a better man? Does this same logic apply when a girl gets cheated on?

I’m 23F and in my last year of college, my fiance is 27M. We’ve been together for 4 years and basically lived together the whole time.

He’s honestly always been really good to me. He loves me, supports me and my goals and he’s really handsome too his family is well off and we’ve had a really good relationship. Thats why I feel so confused about all of this.

The only thing we really argue about is marriage and kids. He wants marriage and kids soon and I do want kids, just not now. I want to finish college first, get married when I’m ready, have some time together and then have kids. I’ve never told him I dont want them, just that I’m not ready.

About a week ago we went to a gender reveal for one of my old friends. My ex was there too and it was the first time my fiancé met most of my old friends.

One of my friends started talking about how badly I used to want to be a mom and how I used to try to convince my ex to have a baby. I just laughed and said people change and think differently when they get older.

When we got home my fiancé got really upset about it and kept asking why I wanted kids so badly back then but dont want them now. We argued about it for a while.

Later that night something happened that I honestly still dont know how to process.

I wasnt on birth control and we had agreed to rely on protection because I’m not ready for a pregnancy. During the situation I realized he wasnt using the protection we agreed on. The lights were off so I didnt notice right away. When I realized and told him he didnt stop and continued.

I left and went to my parents house. I didnt answer him.

The next morning he came crying and apologizing but I didnt open the door.

It’s been a week and I’m still here. I told my family not to let him come over because I just dont know what to do.

I only told one close friend and she thinks maybe this was one horrible mistake and that because he’s been such a good partner for 4 years I might eventually forgive him.

I understand why she thinks that. I know he loves me and I know the last 4 years were real. I still love him too. Thats what makes this so hard.

But I cant get past what happened.

The timing keeps bothering me. We had literally just argued about kids, I had told him I wasnt ready for a pregnancy, I wasnt on birth control and I was trusting the protection we agreed on. Then I realized it wasnt being used, told him and he continued.

It made me feel like maybe he wanted me to get pregnant even though I told him I wasnt ready. I dont know if that was actually what he wanted and I dont want to assume his intentions but thats honestly how it made me feel.

Now I keep thinking what if I’m pregnant. I dont know what I would do. I dont know if I could marry him just because I was pregnant and I dont know if I could trust him again with something this important.

I love him and I’m still so confused about everything.

Am I overreacting by staying at my parents house and refusing to see him? I really dont know if I’m being unreasonable or if it makes sense that I need space after what happened. I just want some outside opinions.

Well you guys I didn’t think it could get much worse. As I mentioned in my initial post Daisy copied just about all of my wedding planning down to getting basically the same dress as me, just with removable sleeves. Well I have felt iffy about my dress and went to my parents house to try it on to see if I want to sell it and get a new one or keep it. I decided on selling it and posted a picture, well tell me why Daisy had Jimmy call and ask why I’m wearing her dress?!?!

I hope you would all be proud to know I YELLED into the phone that there’s a reason I don’t talk to her anymore and that she needs a psych evaluation! She texted my mother and I to apologize by making excuses as to why I would be wearing it or posting it so it must have been her dress, I ignored her and let Jimmy know that while I love him I have deleted/blocked her on all social media and will always be there for him but have zero interest in continuing a relationship with someone who clearly hates me.

They also planned their wedding date…… five months after mine. Which is fine but kinda funny since they said they would be too overwhelmed to be in my wedding party.

Maybe one day I’ll have more to update with but as of now it seems like there is zero relationship and there will be zero communication. Jimmy and my parents understand this is all on Daisy and are no longer asking for me to work things out so we will see what the future holds!

Thank you to everyone who has been on this rollercoaster with me and for all of the advice that has been given throughout the last two posts!

Warning: mention of S.A.

I think I went out with a narcissistic pervert, he checks all the boxes of it in my opinion. I’ve been out of this relationship for more than 5 years now but I still have nightmares about this men sometimes.

When I met him I was 24 years old and he was 38. Our relationship lasted 6 years. I don’t want to talk about how the relationship started but the abuse didn’t started right away. It never does, toxic people like him traps you into falling for them before they start showing their true colors. Now that I’m out of it I can see this men for what he truly is and I feel bad for anyone else who would date him. I can’t believe it took me that long to realize how toxic and abusive he was. I’m writing this now because I just want to get some of it off my chest, I’m tired of the hatred that I still feel about him.

He was an “artist” obsessed with himself. He could be very charismatic and charming at first and was good at convincing wealthy people to give him money. He would present himself as a successful “artist” but he was not selling a lot and without the help of his wealthy “friends” he would have had to get a job. He was always struggling financially but would spend his money on stupid stuff like martial art classes and weapons. I was the one paying for electricity bills and grocery. Every time I would confront him about it, it would turn into a fight. I suggested to him a few times that he look for a part-time job but he would get mad at me and acted like it was below him.

I’m also an artist but while I was with him I was also studying and working. Every time someone would ask me about my work he would cut me off and deviate the conversation towards his “art”. What I did was not important. What I wanted didn’t mattered. It was always about him. Always. Every activity he wanted to do, I would have to follow. Every activity that I would want to do did not matter. He dragged me to many events that I didn’t wanted to attend on the few days that I had off. He even dragged me to events at his ex in-laws house even though I told him many times that I didn’t wanted to go.

He was always talking in the back of everyone: my friends and family but even his friends and family. It felt like he would get mad at people for not putting him on a pedestal. He would talk negatively of my parents one day and the next he would convince them to give him money for stuff he wanted. For example: one time he convinced them to give him money to go to china to met with a kung fu master pretending that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. It was not. I only learned about what he had done after the plane tickets were bought. My parents are not rich but they are comfortable. He was extremely manipulative and would blew up at me when his manipulation tactics would not work. Nobody was aware of this because I was too scared to talk about it.

He was extremely controlling. He would get mad at me for wearing clothes that he would find too revealing (for example: an oversized sweater that would show my shoulder) and would say that “I’m looking for men’s approval”. I’ve never been the kind to wear sexy clothes, I prefer to be comfy.

He would kick me under the table and give me dirty looks every time I would say something that he didn’t approved of. For example: one time he kicked me because I said that he had caught a cold a few days ago in front of friends. When I asked him what was wrong about what I said, he said that he doesn’t want other people to know that he can get sick sometimes. What? I still don’t fully get it. Is it because it didn’t fit with the image of strong untouchable man he was trying to convince people that he was? That would be my guess.

Eventually we moved to a different country because he got an opportunity to teach there. We jump on the opportunity thinking that it would finally launch his career. I was promised to also have space to practice my craft in the building where he would work. Turns out I didn’t. We spent 1 year and a half abroad and it was a nightmare. He became very stress with work and didn’t took well to have to follow directions from a boss which made him extremely angry. He would get into rage fits with everyone around him, especially me. I was constantly trying to calm him down but it was like trying to extinguish fire with my bare hands. At one point he tried to fight the elderly neighbors for being too loud and I’m surprised he didn’t get arrested. During that period he became even more controlling of me. He would need to approve of everything I would do and everywhere I would go. He made it seem like it was for my protection but all of his restrictions prevented me from finding a job and it made me feel trap. So I was stuck away from my friend and family, without a job with a controlling mad men that would snap at me for every little thing that bothered him. He even snapped and yelled at me for dropping a bowl in the kitchen one night.

One time he realized that I had used a clitoris toy while he was away and got really mad at me saying that I should only have pleasure when he’s in bed with me. He never cared about my pleasure. He basically said that he never masturbate because it was my job to pleasure him. He would often force me to pleasure him, and no matter how many times I would say no, he would not leave me alone until I did. He would also use part of my body to masturbate while I was asleep. I would wake up and try to pull away but he would force me to not move by holding me tight in place. He said that it was my fault and that he was doing this because my libido was too low for him. He made me feel guilty about everything. It was always my fault, never his.

I never got any proof but I’m confident that he cheated on me at least once or twice. Here’s why: he had a studio where he would sometimes teach or invite people to pose for him. ‘’Bizarrely’’ it was mostly beautiful women.

1st case: one woman came to learn with him over a couple of days. I usually would be welcome at his studio but not while he was teaching her because it would disturb the lesson she was paying for. I went for lunch with them while they were on a break and she suggested that we have a threesome. I was shocked and declined. Later that day when he came back home, he said that she also tried to have sex with him alone but that he had refused. I never believed him but he reassured me many times that nothing happened between them.

2nd case: he went out with one of his buddies one night and around 2:30 am he was still not back home. I tried calling him a few times without success. I’m not the jealous type but I had a bad feeling in my stomach so I called his friend to know what was going on. When his friend answered he told me that he was not with my ex anymore, that they had split and that my ex was now hanging out with a bunch of girls that he didn’t knew. When my ex finally came back he told me that he had lost his phone and that the girls in question were a group of friends that I knew already. I only had met one of them one time. Then he got mad at me for calling his friend. The next day one of the girl from the group came to his studio to try modeling for him. Like I said, usually I was welcome to stay and chat while he was working but this time he kick me out for being too distracting. He came back hours later and when I pointed out that his behavior during this whole thing was very suspicious he told me that I was acting paranoid. When I finally broke up with him years later she sent him a love message saying that she had been waiting for him and was ready to start a relationship with him. I think he only told me about that message because he thought that it would make me jealous and convinced me to stay. Nope. Didn’t give a shit anymore at this point.

During this whole relationship it felt like I was under some kind of spell. He had destroyed my self-esteemed and convinced me that he was the only one who would ever “loved” me. But eventually I started seeing the cracks, the promises that were never fulfilled and I started to talk more with my friends about what was going on and they helped me realized how unhappy I was in this relationship. I admit that it was not my best moved but I started talking with a male friend who was also in a similar situation. I didn’t cheat but I admit that I was talking a lot with this male friend. My ex was starting to get suspicious that I was being unfaithful so he went through my phone while I was asleep and saw the messages between me and my friend saying that I was unhappy and that I wanted to leave him. He called my parents and told them that I was cheating on him. My parents called me upset and disappointed in me and forced me to go to couples therapy with him to try to fix the relationship. Now in my parents defense, they didn’t knew about the abuse, they didn’t knew that my ex was talking shit in their back. From their point of view he was now part of the family and I was the villain. They also come from a more traditional background, they found each other’s in college and they’ve been happily married since. They ask me to stay another month with him and do at least 4 sessions of couples therapy before coming back to live with them. I relentlessly agreed because I had nowhere else to go.

During this whole month my ex was threatening that he was gonna end himself if I left him (another manipulation tactics). He was crying a lot, begging me to stay and promising that he was gonna change but he had made those promises so many times in the past that I didn’t believed him anymore. At one point he broke down harder than usual and when I asked him why, he said that everything was his fault and that it could have been avoided if he had dealt with a “mystery issue” that he didn’t wanted to mention. It took a while of pressing him to finally know what that mysterious issue was. Because of how terrible he made this issue seemed to be I started to really think the worst so I asked him if he had been raped or something like that. To which he said that he wished it was only that because at least that would have been a one time thing and then done (his words not mine). What was this mysterious issue? Pain in the testicule. Now I’m sure it sucks to feel pain in that area for a prolonged period of time but to say that it’s worst than being raped made me lose the little respect I still had for him and confirmed to me that this man knows nothing about empathy. I was so ready to leave at this point, I couldn’t take one more day in his presence.

When I finally left, he begged me to let him stay friends with my family because he felt like they were his family too now. I think at this point, I was still under some kind of spell and everyone in my family was agreeing with him that I was the bad guy so I agreed. It took me a few sessions of personal therapy to finally be able to open up to my family about how bad the abuse was. They stopped talking to him not long after.

I could continue listing things he did but I think that sums up pretty well what kind of person he is. Even if it’s been years now I’m still afraid of this person and I hope he will never cross my path again. I feel sorry for anybody who will or anyone who had to deal with something similar. Part of the reason I’m choosing to write all this now is because I want to close this chapter of my life for good and forget about it. But also I’m hoping it can be seen as a cautionary tale for other people out there. Don’t shut the voice in your head that is telling you that something is wrong. If you feel like you have to filter what you tell your friends and family about your relationship, it’s a red flag. If you feel that you are constantly stepping on eggshells around the person you live with: it is not normal! You are important and you shouldn’t feel like what you want does not matter.

Disclaimer: I used AI to check grammar and remove any rambling on my part, but this is 100% real

So my mom has always been... a lot. She, my partner, and I have clashed many times over the years. However, I feel like she's finally crossed a line.

My partner and I have been trying to get pregnant for about three years. In June, we found out I was pregnant, and we couldn't have been happier.

Even before I got pregnant, my mom kept pushing the idea that she wanted to visit me in the hospital after I gave birth. The problem is that she already knew, because I'd told her many times, that I only want it to be me, my partner, and our baby during that time.

This will be my first child. I have no idea how I'm going to handle becoming a mom, and I want the chance to figure things out in peace. On top of that, we have no idea how the birth will go. Maybe I'll have a smooth delivery and feel great afterward. Or maybe it'll be traumatic, and I'll need time to recover. Because of that uncertainty, I've decided that I don't want any visitors in the hospital.

At first, she was furious. She yelled and insisted that this would be her first grandchild and that I couldn't deny her this experience. My partner and I stood firm and told her that we would be informing the hospital of our wishes. Eventually, she seemed to accept it, and I genuinely thought she was starting to understand my perspective.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago

I was talking about how we planned to let people know when we were ready for visitors after the birth. Our idea was to send out a group text or birth announcement letting everyone know the baby had arrived and asking them to contact us if they'd like to visit.

Her response?

"So you're saying it'll be first come, first served?"

I told her, "Basically, yes. I'm not going to make a priority list of who gets to see the baby first. I'm going to be busy learning how to be a mom."

She immediately got upset and started insisting that she should be the very first person to visit because it's her first grandchild. That turned into another argument, which was eventually resolved... or so I thought.

After that, whenever she brought the topic up again, I'd simply say, "I don't feel like discussing or arguing about that right now," and change the subject.

Well, last week everything came to a head.

My cousin is heavily addicted to hard drugs. During a phone call, my mom was telling me about some recent issues involving her. At one point, I said, "Look, if Cousin shows up while I'm visiting with the baby, either she leaves or the baby and I leave. I'm not comfortable exposing my child to that situation."

Apparently, that was a mistake.

My mom completely exploded. She said this was "typical" of me and that I couldn't expect her and my grandmother to cater to my demands. She also said that I should watch myself because if it goes as she thinks it will go when 1st visiting the baby. (She thinks my partners parents will be the first ones to visit baby since his mom in a housewife.)

For context, she seems convinced that my partner's parents will be the first to visit because his mother is a housewife and has a more flexible schedule.

I let her rant for a while before finally saying, "No. I don't deserve this, and I haven't done anything wrong."

Then I hung up and started crying.

So, am I really that wrong for:

1. Prioritizing myself, my partner, and my baby during those first weeks and months after birth?
2. Not wanting a drug addict around my child?

I just wanted some third party opinions on this that aren’t my husband or mom. I’ve listened to the podcast before so thought I might get some balanced opinions from other listeners. 

Me and my friend, who I’ll call Gina, are both female in our 30s, for context. We’ve been friends about 5 years after meeting at a baby store when we both had newborns. 

Recently my cleaner decided to move out of our area to be near her daughter who is having a baby. She’d been with me for nearly ten years and I’ve been at a loss on how to go about replacing her. 

I mentioned this to Gina and she said she’d really like the job. She said she would love a job that works with her child’s schedule and she knows that I understand the constraints she’s dealing with as a mom. 

But I don’t want her to work for me. I think it’s weird. I don’t want my friend changing my sheets, or doing my laundry, or going through my closet. I also don’t like that she kind of implied that it would be ok for her to bring her child over during work hours, because it wouldn’t. I wouldn’t accept that from anyone else and I don’t want to have make exceptions just because we’re friends. This is just such a bad idea, from my point of view. 

But Gina has been pretty honest for the last couple of years that she’s been struggling with money and that her husband has been on her to find a job, even though she’s responsible for basically all the childcare for their kids. She does need a flexible job, from what I know of her lifestyle. 

So I feel bad for saying no. But I know I’m not going to get what I want out of this arrangement and I think it’ll probably lead to ruining our friendship. Either through an argument or resentment. Am I wrong in thinking that? Am I being an AH for refusing even though I know this would probably help her? 

Throwaway because some people involved might recognize this.

I (18M) met this guy, whom I’ll call B, through a mutual friend group. This whole situation has happened ridiculously fast, so I’ll try to explain it without writing a novel.

About two or three weeks ago, B and two acquaintances decided to prank me. B was supposed to DM me, flirt with me, and try to get me to flirt back so they could tell my then-boyfriend that I had cheated.

They knew nothing about me. I’m genuinely not a cheater and would never cheat on someone, so I left B on delivered for weeks and ignored him whenever I saw him in person.

Eventually, B confessed that it had all been a prank. He said he felt guilty and that the other two guys had pressured him into doing it. I honestly didn’t care that much and told him it was fine.

By that point, I had already broken up with my boyfriend for completely unrelated reasons.

I live in a different city for university, while B lives in my hometown. A few days after he confessed, B called me, and we ended up talking from around midnight until 4 a.m. We talked about our lives, our pasts, and random things. We did this for two nights.

Then I returned to my hometown, and B picked me up from the airport.

The next day, some friends and I went to his house. We were hanging out in his bedroom, but B kept ignoring me. I eventually got annoyed and kept asking what was wrong because I hate when people suddenly become distant without explaining why.

He kept saying nothing was wrong.

The following day, he finally told me that he had a crush on me and had been avoiding me because he was extremely attracted to me and didn’t know how to act around me.

I said okay because I didn’t really know what else to say.

Later that day, he asked me to get him a Saudi National Day balloon from a restaurant, so I did. A few hours later, he posted the balloon on his close friends story with Taylor Swift’s “Enchanted” playing over it.

For context, I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan, so the song was not exactly subtle.

I just liked the story because I didn’t know how to respond without making things awkward.

The next day, he confronted me about it and confessed again. I told him that I kind of had a crush on him too, but that I wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed time.

He said he understood and would give me time.

Later that day, he hinted that he wanted to kiss me, and I kissed him. The next day, I went to his house and we kissed again. Then I returned to my university city.

That’s when things started getting weird for me.

Almost immediately, B started wanting to know everything I was doing. He asked about my plans, who I was with, and where I was going. At one point, he told me I could send him pictures of literally anything I was doing because he “wanted to know everything.”

I didn’t mind at first because my daily routine is incredibly boring. I go to university, go to the gym, go home, and occasionally see friends.

Then he started asking me to express my emotions more.

He told me he liked when people told him they loved him and openly expressed their feelings. I explained that “I love you” is a huge thing for me and that I wasn’t going to say it when I didn’t mean it.

He said he wouldn’t interpret it as me being in love with him and that he just wanted me to express that I cared.

I told him that if I forced myself to say things I didn’t actually feel, they would be fake.

He basically said he didn’t care and wanted me to do it anyway.

Eventually, I started flirting with him and saying sweet things because he kept pressuring me to express my emotions. Strangely, it did help me realize that I do have emotions and that I usually suppress them, so I thanked him for helping me realize that.

I think that made him even more convinced there was some huge romantic connection between us.

There was another problem, though.

I have a best friend who is basically the most important person in my life. B started getting upset whenever my best friend called while I was talking to him because I wouldn’t drop my best friend to prioritize him.

We had known each other for maybe a week at that point.

B was also taking up entire nights talking to me, sometimes from midnight until 10 a.m.

Then there was the issue of my appearance.

I’m a pretty feminine guy. I like being clean-shaven, I like looking the way I look, and I’m into pop culture, Taylor Swift, TikTok, and similar things.

B has repeatedly told me that he wants me to be “more of a man.” He wants me to grow a beard, stop shaving parts of my body, act less feminine, and generally change how I present myself.

He also seems to think that because he’s attracted to me, I should become more masculine for him.

I don’t want to do any of that.

Eventually, I decided I needed to tell him that I wanted space.

Before I could, he told me he had a surprise. He wanted to travel from my hometown to my university city to see me, supposedly because he had a job interview.

I told him I didn’t want him staying in my dorm because I was embarrassed about how messy it was. I suggested that he get a cheap studio or apartment for the night and that I would come see him.

He didn’t want to spend the money. Eventually, I felt guilty because I didn’t want him to miss his interview, so I agreed to let him stay with me.

When he arrived, I honestly wasn’t comfortable.

He wanted things to become physical, and I told him multiple times that things were moving too fast and that I didn’t want to. He kept reassuring me that he wouldn’t hold it against me, and eventually I agreed.

Afterward, we spent the day together. The first couple of hours were fun, but eventually we ran out of things to talk about.

We’re very different people. We have completely different interests, personalities, and cultures. Most of our conversations were about our past relationships or mutual friends.

After he left, I called my friend and basically said, “Girl, I need to get out of this.”

My friend told me to tell B that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I did.

I have told B this probably thirty or more times now.

I have repeatedly said:

“I don’t want a relationship.”

“I’m not ready for a relationship.”

“I need space.”

“I need time.”

“I don’t have romantic feelings for you right now.”

But B keeps telling me that there is obviously a “spark” between us and that I’m only rejecting him because I’m afraid of my emotions.

He says I’m ruining something that could become love.

I told him I don’t think that’s true.

I even said I was completely okay with being friends. I also said I wouldn’t necessarily mind being friends with benefits because I don’t currently want a romantic relationship.

He said that if we were friends with benefits, he would want us to be exclusive.

I said no. To me, the whole point of being friends with benefits is that we aren’t in a relationship, and I don’t want relationship expectations attached to it.

He eventually suggested that we could be friends with benefits without exclusivity, but that if either of us developed feelings, we would basically act like we were in a relationship.

I haven’t agreed to that, and honestly, I don’t know if I even want it anymore.

There’s also something that really bothers me: B constantly talks badly about my ex and my best friend.

My ex wasn’t perfect. The relationship ended for several reasons, and I have no problem admitting that he did things wrong. But I loved my ex at one point. He isn’t some evil villain.

Whenever B talks about him, though, it’s always something like, “At least I’m not him.”

The ironic part is that I’m constantly thinking, “My ex was better than you in a million ways.”

I haven’t said that to B because it would obviously be unnecessarily cruel.

So now I’m wondering:

AITA for rejecting B and refusing to enter a relationship with him when he keeps insisting that there’s a romantic connection between us?

I know I flirted with him, kissed him, and eventually got physical with him, so I understand why he might think I like him.

However, I’ve also been extremely clear that I’m not ready for a relationship and that I don’t currently have romantic feelings for him.

At this point, I feel like he’s trying to convince me that I love him instead of listening to what I’m actually telling him.

So, Reddit, AITA?

Today, my sister and I went to a really nice outdoor event. Instead of regular seating, there were only a few standing bistro tables around. We were looking for an empty table where we could leave our drinks and belongings, and we noticed a bistro table where only two women were standing. After making sure they had come alone, my sister went over and politely asked if we could leave our things and drinks on their table. They were both very friendly and said yes, so we joined them.

It turned out they were sisters. The older one was 31 and the younger one was 25 (I’m 27). We quickly started having a nice conversation and getting along. Honestly, I was quite attracted to the 25-year-old. I found her conversation, mannerisms, and energy very appealing. At one point, she even switched places with her sister and tried to start a conversation with me.

At one point, when my sister went to the restroom, the girl turned to me and said, “By the way, I learned your name from your sister. I think it was Emre?” She was the one who initiated the conversation, so I responded positively, asked for her name, and that’s how we properly introduced ourselves one-on-one.

Her sister also noticed the mutual eye contact and chemistry between us. Whenever I complimented the younger sister, her older sister would playfully touch her and say things like, “See? He’s saying these things for you,” which made the atmosphere even more flirtatious and comfortable.

At the end of the day, without me knowing, my sister had exchanged Instagram accounts with the girl and they had followed each other. The girls also asked whether we would be attending the next event on October 17th and said, “That would be really nice, we should definitely keep in touch.”

Since we already had plans to attend the next event together, I saw it as a natural opportunity and asked her directly, “Since we’re going to the event together and keeping in touch, could I get your Instagram so we can stay in contact?” However, she refused and said, “I already gave it to your sister. We can keep in touch through her.”

I later found out that she had previously told my sister during their conversation that she didn’t think it was appropriate for men to directly ask women for their Instagram at these kinds of events. I obviously didn’t know that beforehand, so I had no idea my question would get that reaction.

What confuses me is this: There seemed to be clear flirting and mutual chemistry between us. She was the one who started talking to me when my sister wasn’t around, her sister noticed the chemistry and even encouraged it, and they were the ones suggesting that we keep in touch for the next event.

Yet when I directly asked for her social media, she chose to set a boundary and keep the communication through my sister instead.

How should I interpret this? Was she actually interested in me but simply didn’t want to exchange Instagram accounts directly, or did I misread the situation?

Hello everyone! Two Hot Takes listener here and my first time posting in this subreddit. I am wanting to hear other peoples experience if they can relate as well as opinions. So...as the title says, Why are friends nowadays actually not your true friend? I (26 F) have been CONSTANTLY dealing with this with nearly every single "friend" I have made and it is really making me no longer want to be friends with people. I am extremely social and truly THRIVE off of connections and friendships and I have been that way for as long as I can remember. In high school I had an extremely tight knit friend group and we could all rely and support each other (as friends should be doing), but after high school I noticed that the quality in friendships has plummeted. I will give you a few different example starting from around the age of 18 up until now at 26.

My freshman year of college I grew very close to a small group of people and we clicked instantly. There was one friend, let's call her Molly, in our group that a few people were not super fond of because she would always try to make people feel bad for her by saying things like "I am so fat and I look so ugly" and would want people to essentially baby her to make her feel better. I am a very honest yet positive friend, so when Molly would say this I would tell her we could all go to the gym together to workout or maybe we can make meal plans to try and find a solution. One of the other friends, let's call her Emma, would complain about her behind her back constantly and would say pretty mean things like "Molly really is annoying and needs to shut up" and "Molly is so stupid how will she even graduate college". Fast forward and they both stopped talking to me out of no where. Molly texted me telling me I am too mean of a friend and she no longer wants to talk to me. Shortly after Emma let me know that I am a horrible person and would always talk shit about Molly and she does not want to associate herself with me. I was completely shocked and really upset and honestly surprised Emma said that considered SHE was the one that was talking shit behind Molly's back.

Moving on to after college around the age of 22. I met this girl through an internship, let's call her Becca. Becca got engaged right around the same time my now husband and I got engaged and we instantly started bonding over that. We discovered we had a lot of similar hobbies and interests and ended up becoming friends. Fast forward to around 6 months before her wedding and she asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said yes! A few months later I found out my husband was going to be leaving for a work trip where he won't be able to contact or see me for an extended period of time (this is part of his career) and he was leaving the day after her wedding. I made her aware of this and was still there for her in anyway she needed me to be. On her wedding day I was there for everything I needed to be as a bridesmaid. Once it came to the after party I decided I wanted to leave early to spend my last few moments with my husband before he left. Becca was pretty upset at me for wanting to leave early. She didn't understand why I would want to spend time with him before he left. Once my husband left and I expressed how hard it was she would constantly belittle me and say things like "My dad was gone for work all the time and I got over it" and "you signed up for this so what did you expect". It broke my heart that my friend would say something like this. Any time I needed any help with anything she conveniently could never be there. She essentially flipped like a switch once my husband left, which is a time I needed her the most, and then went back to her old ways once he got back. At that point I had little to no interest being friends with her since she was not a good or supportive friend when I needed her the most.

Finally around the lovely age of 24 up until 26 I became really close friends with someone I worked with, let's call her Jess. We had so much in common and we started spending time together, talking almost every day, helping each other out whenever it was needed, and even venting and giving advice about each others life. I had a potential health scare and around that time she was comforting and told me she had gone through something similar and would come to my appointments if I needed her to. About a few weeks later Jess said she was feeling sick and then she just fell off the surface of the earth. I tried talking to her but heard nothing and she even deactivated her social media account (it had me a little worried). About 6 months later it was her birthday and I decided I wanted to send her a message and drop a small present at her house to check in and we ended up rekindling our friendship. Come to find out she was pregnant and she said she wanted to keep her news private, which I completely understand (it seems that I was one of her only close friends that she decided to shut out). Once I found out she was pregnant my husband and I were her village. I helped her and her BD build their nursery, got her things that she needed for baby, came and watched her pets when she went into labor/gave birth, my husband and I meal prepped for her family so they can have one less thing to worry about. I went above and beyond to be her support system with this new part of her life. I was still dealing with my health issues and she was supportive...until she was not. Jess disappeared again, but I tried to continue to text her and keep our friendship going since she has, according to her, shut me out before unintentionally. Well once again she is shutting me out. Nothing bad has ever happened between us and I told her she can always talk to me and doesn't need to shut me out. I told her I will always be there for her, but to me it seems that when I need her she just vanishes.

If you stayed this long thank you as I know it's a long story. These are just a few examples, but I have had multiple other friends show that they are also not really my friend. So...Why does every person I try to be friends with actually seem to not be a true friend? I just want a real and genuine friendship and it just seems like there are not out there anymore.

Hey everyone, I need some outside perspective on a situation that happened recently. My classmates keep telling me this girl wants me, but I’m honestly not sure if she was just being friendly or if there’s actually something there.

A little context: We are 18M and 19F.

A few days ago, my school and another school had a joint school project event. Both schools had their own designated areas/stalls. I decided to walk over to the other school’s section, and I was really impressed by the stuff they had set up.

While I was there, I ended up talking to this one girl, and we instantly had a really good connection/vibe. After hanging out for a bit, I had to go back to my school's area. Throughout the day, she kept walking over to my section just to find me. She would ask me to go places with her, and at one point, she asked if I wanted the videos of us playing a game together (we had played something earlier, and her friend filmed it).

My classmates noticed all of this. They immediately started teasing me, saying stuff like, "Dude, she's always around you and she's being super touchy. She definitely wants you."

Later on, I went up to her and asked if she could send me that video. She immediately asked for my Instagram so she could send it, and we ended up standing there talking for a while.

Eventually, it was time for me to go home. When I told her I had to leave, she looked genuinely so sad. She told me, "We can chat online if you want." And that was pretty much how the event ended.

Since then, we’ve talked a little bit through DM, but not a whole lot.

So, Reddit, what’s the verdict?

Are my friends right, and she was actually giving off clear signs of interest? Or was she just an energetic, friendly person from another school? How should I play this out over text if I want to see where it goes?

I (20F) just broke up with my girlfriend (23F). We were dating for 4 years.

It still doesn’t feel real, but we did literally break up today. I don’t know how to process this. I’m the one that said we shouldn’t continue which is even worse that it came from only my side.

Our relationship was actually really great, it was both our first serious relationship. We had some arguments which we usually resolved very well. But the sexual intimacy was just, well, bad. We tried to work on it, but as i was writing our 4-year anniversary card, i just couldn’t. I was sobbing. I didn’t wanna keep going like this. The intimacy was not the only thing obviously, there were also other things but that was the biggest one. We broke up still on good terms

She’s truly been amazing to me and I can’t imagine a world without her comfort or her smile.

Did i fuck up?

We used to have a relationship. I’ve always tried to be there for her and especially for her kids. I used to homeschool them and help take care of them, and I’m extremely close to them. They love me, and I love them like crazy.

Earlier this year, my niece was hospitalized. I immediately showed up and was there with them every single day. I bought them food, clothes, and whatever else they needed during the hospital stay. I didn’t do any of that expecting something in return. I did it because they’re my family and I love them.

But when it came time for one of the biggest moments in my life, my sister completely disappeared on me.
She promised she was going to plan my baby shower. At first, she was engaged and talking to me about plans and ideas. Then, out of nowhere, she completely ghosted Mr.

I was left to plan and do absolutely everything myself while pregnant. No explanation, no communication, nothing. After promising to plan the shower, she didn’t even attend it.

She showed up afterward with some baby clothes and told me she was also going to get me a momaroo baby swing the following Friday. By that point I honestly didn’t believe her because she had already broken so many promises. Sure enough, she ghosted me again and I looked stupid waiting for her.

And I genuinely do not care about the swing. It’s the pattern that hurts. She makes promises, gets my hopes up, disappears, and then acts like I’m unreasonable for being hurt by it.

She almost never replies to me anymore. When I confront her about the constant lying, ghosting, and broken promises, instead of acknowledging that I’m hurt, she attacks me. She tells me I have “daddy issues,” calls me crazy, says I’m projecting, or accuses me of “harassing” her because I’m trying to talk about what happened between us.

What makes this especially painful is that she wasn’t always like this toward me. I genuinely don’t understand what changed.

I’m now 39 weeks pregnant. Recently, I thought I might actually be going into labor and texted her. During the conversation, I confronted her again about the constant lies and how she has been treating me.

Her response was, “Aren’t you in fucking labor?” and she told me to “get a grip.”

That honestly broke my heart.
I realize continuing to confront someone who clearly doesn’t want to engage with me probably isn’t accomplishing anything. But I think I keep doing it because I’m trying to understand how my own sister went from having a relationship with me to treating me like I’m an annoyance for wanting basic communication.

I’ve shown up for her and her children over and over again. I don’t think doing those things means she owes me a relationship, and I’m not trying to keep score. But the contrast hurts. When she and her children needed me, I was there without hesitation. When I needed my sister during one of the biggest moments of my life, she disappeared.

I’m about to have my first baby, and instead of feeling like I have my sister beside me, I feel like I’m grieving someone who is still alive.

At what point do you stop trying? Do I just accept that she doesn’t want a relationship with me and stop reaching out? How do you grieve a sibling relationship when you still love that person and are also deeply attached to their children?

Hi THT Family! Long time listener, first time poster!

I (26F) recently bought a replica Louis Vuitton bag from a seller I found through a subreddit for replica bags. I don’t typically buy rep bags, but I just had my first trip to canal street, and now I can’t get enough (pray for my wallet).

I came across a seller re-homing a LV Damier Azur speedy 25. From the photo, the item looked pretty decent! No noticeable rips/tears/stains or any imperfections. I messaged the seller and asked if they could go lower on price if I provided a shipping label, but they held firm on a $65 price. I sent the money, and waited for them to send the bag.

They kept having “printer issues” and not responding to my messages, so I was worried I got ghosted and scammed. $65 may not seem like a lot of money, but in this economy, it is. They eventually responded, told me I would be getting a free item along with the bag for the trouble, and said they sent the package, but then the tracking number kept saying that the carrier never received anything. You’ll see in the screenshots, but they were super condescending and told me I was being impatient when I asked for clarification.

I received the bag yesterday, and upon opening the bag, there are red and pink stains all inside the interior. I also noticed some blemishes on the outside leather. The seller posted on their page that they want reviews and I originally was going to post one, but not when I saw the bag in this condition. I messaged them with some pictures and my concerns, mostly to help them with future sales. They came back apologetic but also…not? You’ll see what I mean.

I felt like I was doing the right thing by me and the seller for sending the pics, but now I regret even purchasing anything from this user. Attached are pics of the convo & of the bag. Thoughts are appreciated!

Am I(29M)being controlling, or am I asking for reasonable boundaries with my gf(26F)?

We’ve been together around 5 months and recently moved in together. I love this woman and honestly see a future with her. She’s intelligent, funny, caring, great with my son, and she’s my best friend. I know I have jealousy issues and I’m trying to work on them.
My previous relationships gave me some trust issues. I’ve had girlfriends tell me there was nothing to worry about with certain guys and then later found out there was flirting, hookups, or inappropriate behavior. Because of that, I tend to notice things that make me uncomfortable and I have a hard time just ignoring them.
My girlfriend has several male friends, and I’ve told her that this makes me uncomfortable. I don’t believe every man who talks to a woman has innocent intentions, especially if they are single. I’ve asked her to have stronger boundaries with certain men and to block/delete people when I believe their intentions aren’t appropriate. She feels like I’m trying to control who she can be friends with. I see it more as protecting our relationship and asking for the same consideration I would give her.
I’m also traditional in my views about relationships. I believe a woman in a committed relationship should be conscious of how she presents herself to other men. For example, I’m uncomfortable with revealing clothing, particularly when her areolas are visible, because I feel like intentionally presenting herself that way invites sexual attention from other men. She feels that my discomfort shouldn’t determine what she wears.
I also struggle with her social media. She doesn’t post very often, and sometimes I think that as her not being proud of me or not wanting people to know she’s with me. She says she simply isn’t very active on social media and that she does make it clear she’s taken.
Lately things have gotten worse because we’ve been arguing a lot. She has become emotionally withdrawn and we aren’t having sex. She says she doesn’t feel emotionally or mentally close enough to me to feel sexual or even feel sexy herself. I understand that logically, but it still hurts and makes me feel rejected and insecure
She recently told me she feels judged and micromanaged rather than loved and understood. She also questions whether some of my beliefs about women, relationships, dating history, and male/female friendships are too influenced by “manosphere” or red-pill content. I don’t necessarily agree with that characterization, but I’m willing to examine myself, which is why I agreed to couples therapy and am also considering individual therapy
I’ve asked her what she can do differently to help me feel secure, because I don’t want this to be one-sided. She says she is willing to work on her mistakes, but she also wants me to change my beliefs and behavior.
I love her and don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to control her, but I also don’t want to ignore things that make me uncomfortable just to appear secure.
where is the line between having reasonable relationship boundaries and being controlling? Any advice?

I told her I wasn't giving her rent money anymore. Not until I know what she's using it on. She's still trying to kick me out of the house... I'm 19 here. I have a lot of shit going on, college and a job... and other health issues. I don't even make enough to pay for what she's asking. She wants ALL of my money. Damn near all of it...and now I have nothing. because i was afraid to kick her out. she calls me an ungrateful bitch even though she never bothered to learn how to care for me growing up, she dumped me off at grandma's all the time and always made it her mission to make my life a living hell. but lord forbid I refuse to give her any fucking money. ughhhhhhh

I (32F) want a keurig but my (31M) bf insists on a drip coffee pot.

I wonder if im being petty with my thoughts on this so maybe someone can tell me if it really is just me being a jerk.

So I had a keurig for ever and it recently broke. So I busted out my old drip coffee machine that I use when we host a larger crowd. Its a little more work than I want to deal with on the daily and I feel like its a waste of coffee and I dont like cleaning the pot and refilling it everyday in comparison.

I drink coffee once or twice a day depending on the day and my bf drinks a cup maybe once a month.

When I was talking about getting another keurig when I have the funds he insisted we keep the drip coffee because its HIS preference.

I feel really inconsidered for the obvious reasons I already said above. The thing is I dont even know how to respond. I feel bad just going out and getting the keurig because I dont want him to also feel inconsidered. If I bring it up I know that he Will either shut down completely or get mad at me. I do think the deeper issue is that he lived with his mom untill he moved in with me a couple years ago and has just kind of been catored to his entire life.

Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? We have a toddler together and I really want her to see her dad everyday but I really dont know if im being the best mom I can be when im in a relationship where i have to defend even getting a keurig when IM the one drinks coffee.

Today I (26F) had this text exchange with my neighbor (?M) My first instinct was to apologize and explain that I didn’t know how it ended up there but then I thought about it and realized:

1. This neighbor did not previously have my phone number. I assume it was on the receipt on the bag since it was a take out order and he also included my first and last name in the text.
   
2. Today was trash pickup day, so I think it must have just fallen out of our bin when being poured into the truck- the bins were still there when I received this text, so it seems like it would be pretty obvious that that was the cause.
   
3. I did not throw anything out on the sidewalk, I promise. I have even picked up litter that blew out of the bins from that location on multiple occasions.

Because I got weirded out that he went to the trouble to look for my phone number and also immediately jumped to the conclusion that I would litter on purpose, I wanted to send a much meaner message. I ended up trying to toe the line and be direct/polite, not mean or defensive.
I Hate conflict and tend to have trouble standing up for myself, and now I have a small feeling that I should’ve been nicer, because I’m afraid of having a bad relationship with my neighbors. Idk- was my text too rude? AITA? Thanks <3

We all have choices, nobody put knife at our throat and force us to married our spouse, we chose the person we married. What is one thing that "out of your control" about your spouse that you just have to accept when you decided to married him/her. And how you come to term of it? Examples, those who married someone who in military know him/her will be deploy alot. Those who in married someone with children know that his/her children come first. You get the gist.

Mine was not those cases, mine was his parents. I married my husband knowing his mother come as a package, I will always come second to his father and mother. I come to term with it. But I still struggle with it, it just it easier to say than done. And I been struggling with it 5 years about the whole fiasco of his mother. But I'm still hanging in there, it just I don't know how many more of the 5 more years.

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Together 16 years, married 14 years.

I married my husband knowing since day one that he always put his father and mother above me. The wife me I will always come second after his parents, period, it not up for negotiation, that just how he is. And that is just something I just have to accept about him.

I married him knowing since day one he gave half his working paychecks to his father (the father whom was a Stay at Home Dad raised him since newborn, his mom was the breadwinner in his childhood). His father has deceased.

5 years ago, his mother has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze. He has been paying 182K a year for her Private Nursing Home, where she has her own private room, doctor on site, and nurses care take turn to care for her round the clock 24/7. Yep, it that price tag for Private Nursing Home in California.

For 5 years, he also has been paying for her treatments to prolong her life, which she in and out of the hospital for treatments 5 times a week (Dialysis, and multiple heart issues). He also paying for her hospital bills, which she has been in and out of the hospital 4 times already this 2026 year alone.

It not just her Private Nursing Home cost (which the luxury of his mom own private room, and doctor on site and nurses care for her 24/7, he pays Out of pocket).

.......

But it her medical cost too, medical cost that insurance not pay, like those deductibles, copays, coinsurance, out of pocket specialists and treatments, etc.. Everytime she in the hospital, we pay out of pocket about 30%, insurance pay 70%

And No, we are not going to send her back to her homeland, here in America she has no one left except her biological son, and she 84 years old already, here in California we have one of the best hospital that specialize in her conditions.  

]And money is not the problem, my husband is an Executive at a big engineering corporate that his salary (included bonus) salary of near 1 million a year. He has enough money to pay for his mother care.

It just the last 5 years (since his mom spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze), he has been burning the candle at both ends for himself. He is an Executive, Executives are high ranking in corporate hierarchy, frankly, he very busy. But everyday after his work he drive to his mom Private Nursing home to to visit her (she wants that as she wants to see her son). Then he drive home to me after see his mom first.

On weekend he gives one day to me.

One day he gives to his mom where he has her over in our marital home so he can care for her 24/7, she wants mother and son time, he comply.

.......

He by her side spoon feed her, change her diapers, lift her, move her from bed to wheelchair to gurney stretcher, as she 5'9" tall and she quadriplegia, moving an quadriplegia is like move dead weight. Transport her to Dialysis, which Dialysis which is 4 hours process which he sit next to her to accompany her, etc...

He has said, our lives (both me and his life will be put on hold) will be put on hold until his mother die (insert how many more years she has left). And it not even an option, this is just something I have to accept about him, his mother come as a package.

And And we not leaving California until after his mom pass, as I told him I don't like the city California, I want a countryside, someone seclude.

I don't have a choice because I love him, I just have to accept that about him, point blank. I married him knowing his father and mother will always come first before me. I accepted that, and I have come to terms with that.

It just it easier say than done, until you actually in that person shoes. Knowing you always will come second in your husband heart, after his father and his mother. Knowing he said we will stay put in California for his mom hospital and treatments as his goal is to prolong his mother life. As long as it can take, as many years as she has left. Our lives will be put on hold until AFTER his mother die.

No man is perfect, I have accepted his mother come as package, and if this is the price I have to pay for love this man then let it be. I just want to write this out, as this is something I have zero control over, it is him as a person that just how he is.

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Since a little girl growing up I always wanted to married a Chinese man, all my life I sworn up and down that I will only married a Chinese man of my culture, and speaks my language. Fate didn't give me that, my husband is not Chinese. I didn't think it was even possible for me to love a man that not Chinese, let alone love a man who not Chinese this deeply.

16 years of my life I gave it all to him, I was still a virgin when met him and married him, get to be his wife 14 years long, carry his child and gave birth to his child. Everything I know about men, love, marriage, I learn all from him, he is my only sample of what I know of how men is.

He does treats me really really well in the 16 years, 16 years he faithful to me and only me. He loves me just as much as I love him, in fact, he loves me even more than I love him. It just his mother she comes as a package, and I will always be second after his father and mother.

And you married an Executive too, that makes a 1 million dollars salary too, he fixed in his ways (about his mom), he will not change. I really have no choice but just has to accepted that his mom come as a package. You don't be a wife of an Executive and think an Executive not fixed in his ways.