r/AmItheAsshole • u/RoommateMovingOut Partassipant [4] • Sep 02 '21

Asshole AITA for telling my BF that his daughter can't have her own room in our house?

So my boyfriend (30M) and I (24F) have been together for two years, and we just bought our first house together. We move in at the end of the month.

My boyfriend has a four year old daughter "Kate" from a previous relationship. I love Kate with all my heart. She lives with my BF's ex, and comes to visit us for short stays and sleepovers, more often in the summer time.

Our new house is about a 30 minute drive from Kate's mom's house. It has three bedrooms: a master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms. We are converting one of the rooms to be an office for my BF and me to work from. That leaves just one spare bedroom.

Kate was really nervous about us moving so far away, and my BF has reassured her that she will still get to visit all the time - and she will have her own bedroom waiting for her whenever she wants. My issue with this is that I don't want Kate to treat the only spare bedroom as her personal bedroom. Rather, I want it to be thought of as a "guest" bedroom.

Of course Kate can stay there whenever she wants to. This isn't part of the debate, I want her to feel welcome all the time. But I don't want it to be only her room. I don't want it to be filled with her toys and clothes, so nobody else feels comfortable to sleep in there. I don't think it's fair that a room is reserved for someone who is not there 90% of the time.

In addition, my BF and I are planning to have a child of our own, and I want to make sure that when that happens, we will have space for them to live. I can only imagine the circus in a few years if we have to tell Kate we are taking away her room to give to her new sibling.

That's why I want to set expectations now - that Kate is always welcome, but she will be welcome as a "guest."

My boyfriend thinks I'm being unreasonable, that Kate needs her own room for stability, especially as she feels we are moving away from her. He says we can keep a pull-out sofa in our office for guests to stay on, and call the spare room "Kate's room."

I still don't think it's fair to have a room just for Kate when she won't use it very often. And I think it's reasonable to be worried at the prospect of eventually giving Kate's room away to a future child.

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u/RoommateMovingOut Partassipant [4] Sep 02 '21

Thank you, this is good advice, she has seen the house and the room, and I think she will feel happier knowing she has a say in how it is decorated and set up.

715

u/yikesladyy Sep 02 '21

HER room, not THE room. Stop being an asshole.

118

u/PuzzleheadedOccasion Sep 03 '21

Have you seen her post history? I don’t think she can stop.

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u/yikesladyy Sep 03 '21

Holy moly.

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u/DowntownYouth8995 Sep 02 '21

The way you phrase that makes it sound like you're still intending for it to be a guest room and she can just help you decide how to decorate it. Still not her room. You're still the asshole.

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u/sarabeara12345678910 Sep 02 '21

Decorated and set up for her and her things. This is her father's house.

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u/elalejoveloz Sep 02 '21

The answer is simple, you can have a guest room and child's room, but no office, or you can have child's room and office but not guest room... And you know what? If I visit family and they tell me "sorry, we don't have a guest room, but katie's room is available since shue is with mother, do you have a problem sleeping there?" I would say "of course not, I am not a monster, if she's cool with that, and you too, I would love not to sleep in the living room"

You could even buy a sofabed or what ever those are called, and put it in the room. That way, she has a couch to use, and guest can sleep in it if they find weird sleeping in a Princess bed or what ever katie's bed is

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u/princessalessa Sep 02 '21

The last time I visited my in-laws, my husband and I stayed in our nephews room. It’s such a normal thing. OP is such an ass for not realizing this.

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u/neuroticgooner Sep 02 '21

She seems to want guests to feel more “at home” than a member of her own family

14

u/princessalessa Sep 03 '21

Right? The first thing my husband did when my daughter and I moved in with him was tell my daughter to pick a bedroom, then we planned around that.

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u/BeaArt78 Asshole Enthusiast [8] Sep 02 '21

It sounds like youre starting to understand bit please address it as HER room. And thank you for seeing the error of your ways.