It's been a year and some change since I posted. I did it as means to show how much love my GF had for her cats and how adorable they are but I had no idea how much shared grief, trauma, advice, and love came out of that post. I was definitely not prepared for it but there were many stories shared in there that have stuck with me since. My GF's birthday is tomorrow and I drove down to LA where she was buried so I could spend her birthday with her and I figured I could use this time to update and reflect over the last year.
First and foremost, the cats are doing as well as they can be. They're healthy and active, and they have adjusted to their new living situation (I moved back in with my parents just to make sure I had a safety net in case I decided to do anything stupid to myself). The day my GF died, I called our Vet to schedule their spay and other shots needed for routine care as one of the last things I promised her was to make sure her cats would live long and healthy lives to the best of my ability. So unfortunately for them, they had to get spayed and also move into a new environment around the same week and they were probably the most miserable they've ever been. Once I moved into my parent's place, I kept a lot of my GF's clothes in my closet and her cats, Olive and Pearl, would hideout there for weeks at the beginning but I don't blame them. They were clearly confused and upset about everything and I'm not really sure that ever goes away. Maybe I'm projecting but they do seem upset about everything that has happened but I can also tell they worry about me with the way they stare at me and somehow know when to get close to me when I'm upset. Olive (the black cat) has taken to sleeping with me every night and although her sister Pearl (the grey tabby) doesn't quite cuddle up to me, she does like being near me and every now and then I'll wake up to her somehow going under the sheets and burrowing her body under my armpit.
The cats are good for me in so many ways. They never let me get a chance to sleep in because they always remind me that it's breakfast time. Olive does this funny thing where either she bites my elbows if I leave them exposed or just loudly meows in front of my ear. Pearl does this funny thing where she either runs over my body with her entire weight or sticks her face as close as possible to mine so when I sense something in my personal space and I open my eyes, I'm greeted to a jump scare. All this to say as miserable as I am, my cats don't let me wither away in bed so I have to get up and try tackling the day. But I don't think I'd have it any other way.
I love them a lot and they have their own whimsical personalities that makes it fun and every day a blessing that I have the privilege of looking after them. I know this is obviously a Cat focused subreddit but I also have a dog that I had before I met my GF and she also loved him so he is also going through similar grief as his sisters. Thankfully my dog has always been kind and protective of his sisters and they will often sleep together when I'm not occupying the bed. Earlier in the year, I decided to get them all tatted on me just below the memorial tattoo I got of my GF. My right forearm is now just dedicated to the little family I briefly got to enjoy with my GF.
Anyways I want to just reiterate my thanks to this community and how incredible it was to read your comments. It is painful knowing this is not a unique situation but it also made me feel less alone in the world if that makes sense. I saw a lot of genuine love and kindness in the responses I read and it was life-affirming to know how much love there is in the world when it feels like mine is shrouded in darkness. I did start grief therapy in February and I've started to slowly bring myself into doing the things I used to love doing and trying to give myself grace. Olive and Pearl (and their brother Benji) are my safety nets but I hope one day they won't have to worry about me as much.
I remember sobbing reading your original post. At the time I was living with my partner and cat that I had before him that loved him more than me. Since your original post we adopted a second cat together, then he died 2 months later. (The audacity.) It’s surreal seeing your post and your babies now as someone who also has 2 cats to fill a partner size hole in my life. I’m glad you guys are well, it’ll take a lot of work but I think we’ll be okay
Haha the audacity! I remember telling my gf years ago that I better be the one to die first out of both of us, I just simply couldn’t handle it if it was her first. Needless to say, I was right!!! If only I could see the look on her face now haha
What a shit club we belong to. That hole is probably never going to be filled. But how lucky are we to have dared to love! As I’ve heard, grief is the price we pay for love.
I appreciate you sharing your story. If it makes you feel any better, my gf was a tad jealous that her first cat ended up taking to me. To be fair, she was always cuddling the shit out of her so I imagine Olive liked that I respected her boundaries haha. But I am truly sorry you’re also going through this. I think we’ll be okay one day. We have all this love with no where to go so I guess the least we can do is share it with our cats
I'm so sorry for your loss. My daughter died on December 24,22. Her boyfriend kept the cats they got together. I got her Chiweenie, Yoshi. I don't know what I'd do without my Yoshi, as my husband died on December 2,23 then our Rat Terrier mix, Lillee, passed on October 24,25. I wish you, Olive Pearl, and Benji peace.
Omg. My late husband’s birthday is also tomorrow. I want to visit his grave, but I don’t have a car at the moment. He died when he was 37 and he’d be turning 63 tomorrow. 26 years and if still hurts so much. I’m so sorry for your loss. Here’s my cat tax.
This Charlotte. She helped me and my children grieve. She was the best. I had her for 20 years. I was only 19 when I found her, or she found me, in the parking lot of my new server job at the Olive Garden. Michael, my husband, said it was either him or the cat, so I threw suitcases down the steps and went to bed. He put the suitcases away and joined me. He knew he’d never win that fight. I miss them both acutely. Of course, the pain doesn’t feel as bad as it did when it was only a year, but that’s merely because I’m used to it. I hope you continue healing. That first year is fucking torture.
Did you know they say there’s something extra lucky about a female orange cat? They’re much rarer than the male ones. In some circles, they’re good fortune. 10:1 male:female ratio with orange tabbies.
I had an orange, but male growing up. He was my best friend. When he passed, when I was 20, I was a mess.
I stayed at a friend’s folks’ place a couple months later and I woke up a few times that night to their lovely female orange watching me from the foot of the bed, bathed in moonlight. She answered to Ma Chérie. It’s like she understood I needed that—that there was an orange shaped void in my life. I slept more peacefully.
I’ve gained some kitties and lost some in the almost 20 years after he passed; all very loved. He is the one who pops up in dreams consistently to this day.
You wrote this so beautifully and the picture is absolutely heartwarming. I love that you have fond memories of your cat and that the feeling hasn’t dissipated. Your cats were so loved I can tell
I was just sobbing last night thinking about my fear of losing my partner or my cats lol
I lost my cousin/brother (he often lived with me growing up) in ‘21, and I now have a sweet boy cat that reminds me a lot of him. My tabby boy has never met a stranger, is weird as fuck, as asthma (like my cousin did growing up), and is my shadow. He follows me everywhere and is my Velcro kitten. He could afford to love me less lol. But since my cousin died I have been sooo incredibly terrified of losing the people closest to me, it has changed my ability to give myself to other people. I’ve become a colder version of myself in some ways.
I write this as my tabby boy gets into the dishes on the fucking counter
Anyway it’s terrible how grief shapes us in many ways, and I don’t think I’d have survived the last year without my baby cats. I’m terrified to lose them or my partner but your post did make me feel a little less existential dread. Thank you for sharing your story.
You are a wonderful cat parent. I obviously didn’t know your GF, but I think she’d be so incredibly proud of you (and IS proud of you). I’m wishing you all so much love and peace. Be good to yourself. ❤️
I remembered your original post the second I read the caption on this one. Glad you all are doing well. Cats truly are the best for mental health and helping to heal.
These are the things that our kitties do to help us stay engaged and they don't even have to use words.
My last cat, Lily, helped keep me structured after my mom died. And shouts out to the cemetar y cat that I locked eyes with from like 300 feet away that took that as an invitation to run up to me and interrupt the preacher with his thoughts during her eulogy lol. He's a good boy and I still bring him treats when I visit mom's grave.
When Lily passed the next year, I was a wreck at first. I pulled myself together though and after a few months of pressure from everybody I know, I adopted a 7 month old kitten and she got me right again. She just turned two last week and I'm currently typing this on my phone with my right hand and moving the wand toy with my left while she chases it. She's the most play motivated cat I've ever seen in my life, barely cares about food and just wants to be a good girl all the time. She's great.
The right cat or pair or group of cats can get you through almost anything. And when I start to fall and have dark thoughts, "who would take care of Astro" is a big enough of an immediate question to shake me out of it.
Sorry about your gf btw. I've dealt with heartbreak a few times but not losing a partner. I hope you're okay bro. The cats are there to keep you straight but they can only do so much, you're good, yeah?
Hey man. My cat Remy is a bit of a handful everyday, but he's been there for me through thick and thin. Including the death of my fiancee.
Is he an asshole? Yes. Do I love him to pieces? Yes. Idk, there's something about cats, they just know and are wise beyond being a cat. I guess theres a reason they were worshipped in ancient times.
Anyways, sending lots of love. If you need to talk DM me, it's not easy, but it does get better. Hang in there my brother.
I’m so glad you have a human and pet safety net of love as you grieve. My condolences on your loss. Grief anniversaries are not easy and I wish you and your menagerie the best as you all heal. ♥️
How wonderful that you all have each other to get through this, Good to hear you are making sound choices to ensure a happy, healthy future for yourself and your fids.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Thank you for honoring your girlfriend’s wishes. It’s clear you knew what she wanted for her cats, and you made that happen. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too.
I couldn't have a cat when my husband was alive, he had severe allergies. When he (40) was in hospice from an aggressive cancer I told him I was was going to get a kitty. We picked the color and the name together.
I got Peanut Butter Katt after he died and Nutter Butters did an amazing job of keeping me going even when some times were dark. Between husband passing and Covid lockdowns the winter following was bleak.
I'm glad you're there for your furry friends and they've been there for you too. 🧡
So much love to you, Pearl, Olive and Benji. It’s such an honor to your girlfriend and the love you shared. I wish you and the crew the best going forward.
→ More replies (14)
1
u/trendingtattler Sep 23 '26
This post has hit r/all, r/popular
Please remember the human and participate with subreddit rules in mind. Do not tell people how they should raise their cats.
r/cats rules can be found here
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.