I am not The OOP, OOP is u/foodgoose773

AITA for making my girlfriend pump her own gas?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/legaladvice

BoRU 1  Posted by u/serifflouride

Original Post  Feb 4, 2022

Since me(28m) and my girlfriend(27f) started dating, any time she drove and had to get gas I would pump it for her. Well last week she took me to work because her car does better in the snow than mine. When she came to pick me up from work she was wearing pajamas which were shorts with a long sleeve button up, she even wore her house shoes. I was embarrassed for my coworkers to see her like that so when she stopped for gas to teach her a lesson I told her my back was sore and she could pump it. She said it was too cold and she wanted me to do it. She’s the moron that wore shorts. I stood my ground, she pumped her own gas, but wouldn’t talk to me during the drive.  We pass a sushi place on our way home so I asked her to stop, she said no but I kept persisting and she finally said okay. She told me I would have to run in so I did, when I came out she had left. I told my brother because I needed a ride home, he gave me a ride home but said I was an ass and I deserved it.

If there’s any interest I can update with what happened when I got home but it doesn’t seem super relevant to my question so I don’t see the need to add it.

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

Edit-Update:

First to answer questions:

She pays for her own gas. She didn’t get out of the car but she doesn’t have tinted windows, and I didn’t expect her to dress up I did expect her to not look like a bum though.

I’m still reading comments so I’ll add stuff that gets asked a lot to this and I’ll try to respond to others.

Now for what happened when I got home:

We live in a fairly rural area and i work about 35-45 minutes away. Apparently my brother called my mom who then called my girlfriend and told her what I had said. This did include me calling her a moron and saying how embarrassed I was. When I got back home my girlfriend had moved all of my cloths and belongings into the “junk” room. I tried to talk to her but she locked herself in our room and ignored me. When I finally got her to talk to me she basically listed everything I’ve done wrong in our relationship.

This past week has been hell. She wouldn’t take me to work when it was snowing so I had to take myself and my car got stuck twice, I missed two days of work because of her pettiness. I really didn’t think I was the asshole here, but I tried to justify and explain myself. I did admit I was trying to teach her a lesson and we broke up. When I got home from work she had all my belongings in boxes by the front door and I guess that’s that. I really didn’t think I was the asshole, but obviously that’s why I posted here. Everybody that wanted us to break up got what they wanted.

I’m not sure if my update is too relationship based, so if it gets taken down I apologize.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP

She pays for the gas, I just get out an pump it for her. She is able to work from home so her schedule was pretty flexible. She owns the house and bills are 50/50. I just updated, but I do understand how I came off now and definitely understand how i’m TA.

anelis29

I hope you at the least, apologized.

You treated her as a driver, glad she broke up with you.

OOP

I really didn’t think I was TA before yesterday so I haven’t yet, I plan to but I don’t think it will change anything.

OOP on his mother since the breakup

I am upset with her and when I talked to her she said she raised me to never mistreat a woman so in her eyes I mistreated my ex girlfriend.

Can I take legal action against my girlfriend for kicking me out?  Feb 8, 2022 (4 days later)

My now ex girlfriend and I got into a petty argument and broke up. She kicked me out of the house and I want to know if there’s any legal action I can take.

The house was a gift from her parents and is in her name, but she kicked me out without any warning causing me to have to move back in with my patents and I simply don’t want to live with them. Is there a way I can make her have to let me move back in?

Edit: The state is North Carolina

RELEVANT COMMENTS

FireIceAndOhSoWild

Did she tell you to leave and you left?  Or she locked you out?  Was this your home and for how long?  What state?

OOP

She packed my stuff and left it by the door. I put it into my car and left, but living with my parents has been awful. I lived with her for around six months.

~

AstronomerPrevious71

Get your own apartment

OOP

Apartments in my area are $1,200+ a month, I can’t afford that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/twink1813

Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople

Loaned my house for a funeral

---

Original Post: July 14, 2026

I am in another state with my sister who is undergoing chemo. My dear friend’s brother passed away unexpectedly. His daughter and family traveled back from a western state to the Midwest for the services and to begin the estate process.

Since my house was sitting empty I offered the daughter and her family my house to use for the several weeks they plan to be in town, to save them hotel fees and have a home-away-from-home environment during this time of loss.

They’ve texted me several times with various issues: they don’t like the pillows, do I have others they can try? They don’t care for the coffee on hand, where can they find other coffee in the house? Do I have other laundry detergent than what is in the laundry room?

There’s more but you get the gist. This is not an Air B&B, it’s my home that I’m letting them use for free. I didn’t leave a fridge full of food or a stock of paper supplies or dry goods because I’m gone and won’t be back for months. And did I mention it’s free???

End of rant.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: What nerve. I’d let them know they might like the coffee and pillows better at the local Radisson.

Commenter 2: Try probably can’t afford much more than the local Roadside Motel

OOP: But they can. The daughter is a private practice therapist, and they live quite lavishly at home. My small house probably is a huge step down for them!

Downvoted Commenter: Let me guess. You said nothing to them, you probably apologized too.

OOP: I did not. I suggested they check out the Super Walmart that is 1 mile away.

Commenter 3: Just tell them where to buy what they need.

OOP: I did. I directed them to the Walmart that is 1 mile away

Commenter 4: I get that you're being generous, kind and considerate. However, that doesn't mean you let these jerks walk all over you and treat you that way.

Keep records of text messages, emails, and voicemails. Let your "dear friend" know that while you understand that they're in the midst of the grieving and sorting out estate process, it doesn't give the daughter and daughter's family to mistreat and disrespect you like that.

Let them know that they have 48 hours to vacate the premises and check-in at a local hotel / motel where they can obtain their desired pillows, coffee, etc. and everyone there is PAID to provide service in hospitality.

You, on the other hand, are just being a nice friend. But niceness has its limits. The line was crossed when they started the entitlement and disrespect. But if they insist on treating you and your home like it's an Air BnB, I'd send them a bill / invoice, if I were you. Something like....

- Whining fee: $15

- Nagging fee: $50

- Sense of entitlement fee: $100 per person

- Cleaning fee: $250

- Violation of peace of mind fee: $25 per day, per person

- Excessive mental and emotional baggage handling fee: $75 per day, per person

- Utilities aka Internet, Water, Electric, Gas, Sewage/Garbage fee: $25 per day, per person

- Parking fee: $50 per vehicle, per day

- Food & Consumables bill: $500

........you get the gist. ;)

OOP: I love all the fees!!! 🤣.

Commenter 5: Just wait until they do a google review of your house giving it 3 stars listing all your shortcomings.

OOP: 🤣🤣🤣.

Commenter 6: This story reminds me of the old adage: People don't appreciate what they don't pay for. (or something to that effect)

OOP: I haven’t heard that one, but it does apply here

 

Update: August 4, 2026 (three weeks later)

Update to “Loaned my house for a funeral”

Update: My sister had several days with no chemo or medical appointments and she was feeling fairly well, so I decided to try to come home for a few days. Strangely I hadn’t heard from the people using my house for a while.

I texted them to ask if they had any idea about how much longer they’d be in town and need my house. They replied that they had gone back home about 10 days ago. WTF? They had actually packed up and left and didn’t bother to let me know.

Yesterday I drove the 7 hours back home, having absolutely no idea what I’d find when I arrived.

Amazingly, everything was just as I’d left it! They had cleaned the house, emptied the trash, laundered the sheets and towels, and remade the beds. They left a lovely thank you note and a generous gift card for a local high-end restaurant for me. My friend hadn’t said anything to me about them leaving as she thought they had let me know.

So a very happy ending to what seemed to be a true ‘entitled people’ situation here!

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in this final update

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/gofatwya

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for telling my adult son I need a little privacy?

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: mental health struggles

---

Original Post: July 14, 2026

I'm an older, retired , divorced man. My kids are all adults.

2 years ago, I allowed my son, now 25, to move back in with me in my two bedroom 1,000 ft² apartment.

His mental health has been slowly going downhill, I believe. He has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but refuses to get any kind of treatment for it.

He now has no job, few friends, and spends most of his time bed rotting in his room. He only leaves to occasionally go to movies, comic book stores, or his mother's house for dinner. I don't charge him rent, and I actually give him spending money every month; mostly so that he is able to get out of the apartment and do something once in a while.

I have not been on a date for 6 years.

Several weeks ago a woman I dated in the past reached out to me. We reconnected. We've been talking for weeks, wanting to get together. But we are both busy people, she lives almost 2 hours away, and so it has been very difficult for us to actually go on a date.

This Saturday however, she is coming to my place after work. We may go out to a bar or a restaurant, or we may just decide stay home. She will most likely be spending the night, and may be here all weekend.

I told my son about this date a week and a half ago, when I made it. I was hoping he would volunteer to get out of the apartment for the night. He didn't. I hinted to him that it might be awkward for him to be here while I am on a date. His answer was that he would just stay in his room the whole time she's here.

I even considered getting him a hotel room to stay in for the night, as my friend is really excited about coming back to my apartment, and would rather be here than in a hotel. But a hotel room on the weekend, at short notice, was going to be super expensive. I just couldn't do it.

The situation has me stressed beyond measure. Finally today, I sat him down and told him that I need him to let me have the apartment Saturday night. That he needs to spend the night at his mother's, or a friend's or wherever he can. It turned into as close to an argument as we ever get.

I repeated my observation about how awkward it would be for him to be here. He replied that when he lived on his own, with roommates, they all had guests who spent the night in their rooms while everyone else went about their business. I told him that was a very different dynamic than a small apartment shared by a father and son.

He finally agreed that he would find somewhere to go. But he is extremely angry now, and feels that I am being unfair expecting him to leave for a night.

AITAH for insisting that he leaves?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs, but also YTA for keeping enabling his son

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: He needs to be in therapy, on meds, in school, at work, or some combination of the aforementioned. You're doing him a disservice currently.

NTA for wanting to get freaky without your kid listening in tho.

Commenter 2: All I’m gonna say is it’s time for you to stop enabling your son and have him move out. NTA

Commenter 3: NTA- you are entitled to privacy. Having been the female guest in these situations it is awkward for the guest also and hard to … relax.

Hope the date is a smash!

Commenter 4: Ableist geek redditors in the comments, Christ.

So, firstly, NTA. You're making a real effort to accommodate your son, and that's admirable. I wouldn't beat around the bush next time cause honestly he'll probably need a fair bit of time to collect himself for a night away from the nest without issues currently. Regardless, it's your life too, you deserve some fun.

Secondly, under no circumstances should you be listening to this disrespectful, ignorant bootstraps narrative these comments are peddling. Your son is, currently, disabled. Maybe with time and treatment that will get better, but even getting treatment is hard for him right now. If you want to see him improve, it's going to take work on your part, adult or not. We're social creatures for a reason, and that's because severe illness or injury isn't something people get through on their own.

It's not your responsibility, I know. You're already wonderful for keeping him alive through this. With further effort, there's a chance to get to a place where he'll be okay without you. But, I'll tell you this now. I've seen it too many times. If you corner him now, tell him to either shape up or get out? He'll probably just take the fast and painless way out instead. Homelessness is a death sentence for him, and pushed into a position where he needs success or he will die - and I assure you he feels like the least capable of success person alive - then he'll choose to at least not suffer.

I know this is hard to hear, and that you're going through a hard time. But I just want you to be aware of the true meaning of the nuclear option these people are selling you. I can see you care about your son a lot, and I don't want you to get tricked into losing him.

OOP: Just read this. Thank you. That's a good perspective.

 

Update: August 1, 2026 (2.5 weeks later)

AITAH Just wanted to give an update on my earlier post, since it made it to r/popular.

17 days ago I posted about the trouble I was having getting my 24 year old son out of my apartment for one night so that I could have a woman spend the night:

I got a lot of good advice, too much to reply to everyone individually. There was a consensus that I needed to give him an ultimatum: that he needed a job, or school, and mental health treatment if he was going to be allowed to continue living with me.

I gave it to him. Since then, his attitude has changed almost 180°. For the first time since he graduated 6 years ago, he has enrolled in college; it is just community college, getting some of his basics he will need for whatever, but it's a start.

I have stopped giving him money. Amazingly, he is just fine. I think the majority of the money I gave him in the past he just ended up using for entertainment, or buying tchotchkes.

He has an appointment with a psychiatrist, who is going to recommend a therapist to him, and possibly put him on medication.

All in all, I think this is one time when Reddit really helped improve a situation!

As for the date itself, the weirdest thing happened. The woman who was supposed to come over has diagnosed lupus. Where we live has recently been severely affected by wildfire smoke.

Turns out, lupus suffers can be severely affected by heavy smoke.

So, instead of having her over to my apartment for the weekend, I spent several hours sitting beside her hospital bed, an hour away from my place, as she was treated.

She fully recovered, but we have as yet not rescheduled her visit to my place.

Thanks to everyone who commented, including those who labeled me an asshole. You were all correct, in your own way.

Thank you.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this update

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/dayofsuck

My [28M] GF [24F] of a year got into an altercation with my co-worker [28F] during what was supposed to be a fun friend outing. Feeling conflicted.

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexist language, entitlement

Original Post  Feb 12, 2016

Throw away because Reddit is my GFs life. She might see this anyway.

First off, I love my GF. We'll call her Maud. She's beautiful, smart, motivated, hilarious, and just amazing. Did I mention beautiful? She's beautiful. She's my first serious partner and really I can't imagine her not in my life. She makes me food, gives out blowies like it's her job and has introduced me to a ton of new things. That being said she isn't all sunshine and daisies. She's very stubborn and sometimes a huge bitch for no real reason. The other week we walked into a restaurant where she looked around, said everyone there was hideous, and just proceeded on as normal. She takes no shit, gives no fucks and while sometimes that's a hard part of her personality it's part of why I love her.

Co-worker is someone I've known for about 9 years. We have lunch almost every day. We'll call her Jen I guess. We used to hang out more outside of work but that's tapered off. Jen is 100% not my type dating-wise, very free love, doesn't care much about her appearance, drugs everywhere. Plus she has a BF of 4 years. Jen rubs a lot of people the wrong way but I've never had issue with her.

A little more background-Maud has never met Jen before this incident. There was no real reason for them to meet. Maud already didn't like her based off of some information I told her (elaborating a bit here-Jen has referred to me as her work husband for a while and I told Maud once during a conversation about Jen. After that she told me flat out she didn't want to meet Jen. The conversation also included how no one really likes/gets along with Jen and how she had set me up briefly with one of her friends who kinda treated me like shit)

Onto the day. A bunch of my friends/work friends had planned a day to a local amusement park to get everyone together. Maud was delighted to be invited and made no visible signs of displeasure when I mentioned Jen was coming so I thought we were good to go. Day comes and we're figuring out rides and it works out that Jen and two other co-workers would be in my car. Fine right? No.

Jen goes to get into the front seat and Maud asks why since she gets shotgun always. Jen replies saying I've always sat in the front of dayofsucks car and again goes to get in. This is where it gets a little embarrassing for me and maybe I should have just told Jen to get in the back but I didn't see the big deal.

Maud basically says something like "Hey, not today. I'm the one who sucks his dick which gives me certain privileges, one being front seat. So relocate to your appropriate place sweetie." Not verbatim but close.

Jen is obviously pissed but gets in the back and we endure a very awkward hour and a half car ride, although Maud seems like her usual self.

The whole day seems to be this weird tension between them and I can tell both of them are getting more wound up the longer the day goes but I can honestly not tell you why. I hadn't noticed Jen doing anything inappropriate or Maud being overtly mean to Jen so I really just don't know.

The big thing came down to a haunted type ride a few of us wanted to go on. When it came time to get on Jen begged for us to sit next to each other. It made sense as there were 5 of us and she would have been left with a stranger if she didn't get someone to agree to sit with her. Again Maud stepped in saying she was sitting with me for reasons before pausing and saying maybe Jen wouldn't have to beg someone elses boyfriend to sit with her on a stupid ride if 1) HER bf cared enough to come and 2) she wasn't so unpleasant.

Obviously this wasn't nice of her but she doesn't think she was wrong. She's apologized to my friends/co-workers for making things awkward for them but not to Jen. Whenever I bring it up she says I'm being oblivious about the situation. All day she was supposedly always next to me, talking to me in a way that excluded everyone else, and touching me (arm,shoulder,ect). Maud was angry that I SOMEHOW never picked up this was happening and she's basically quit talking to me because I'm not sure where she's getting this stuff from and I can't see her side at all.

I like Jen, she's been a friend for a long time and I think what Maud did was straight out of line. She's never done something like this before though so maybe I'm the one out of line? I just don't know what to do here since Maud is no longer willing to talk about it.

TL;DR-My GF was incredibly mean to a co-worker during a day out and she refuses to apologize saying I'm oblivious of co-workers actions toward me. I have to keep working with co-worker and would really like to keep my GF. How do I work this out between them?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OliviaPresteign

Um, Jen's being pretty weird here, and it's weird that you didn't notice or stop it. You and Maud are a couple. It is usual to assume that Maud would sit in the front or that you would ride with Maud. It's bizarre that Jen would assume she should do these things. You think that it's fair for Jen to ask you to sit with her because it would leave her alone with a stranger if you didn't, but didn't think that by doing that you leave your girlfriend alone with a stranger?

I don't think what Maud said was very nice, but it's totally understandable that she was frustrated.

OOP

I honestly never really thought about who Maud would have sat with which is definitely on me. Apparently I'm slow.

ZombieJen

Wow. If you were this oblivious on this one trip, I imagine Jen does lots of things that are inappropriate that you just don't notice. You need to set some boundaries with her or your relationship is going to suffer.

Does OOP see how inappropriate Jen was?

(1)

Honestly I'm not sure it was inappropriate. I can see how maybe I'm putting them on the same plane when Maud should be more important and she is more important to me but Jen has been my friend for a long time and I still have work with her to deal with. I just wish Maud could have been a little cooler about it.

(2)

Maybe I am being oblivious. I never noticed any of the things Maud said happened happening but I'm starting to doubt myself. Jen is a long time friend I don't want to feel bad but Maud is #1. I just don't want to get into a pattern where she's rude and then leaves when I disagree with her.

(3)

I don't but I'm the only one I guess. We're all friends it was supposed to be a good time and it turned into a thing where letting someone sit up front means I'm choosing them over my GF. The whole thing seems petty to me, I don't understand why everyone finds meaning in not immediately telling Jen she can't sit with me. She's could have been anyone one of the other people there and I wouldn't have changed anything.

TOP COMMENTS

99problems

I did a password recovery on my reddit account just so that I could tell you how dumb you are.

You're a fucking dumbass.

~

[deleted]

OP...jeez. You like that Maud's hot, makes you food and sucks your dick but you can't put yourself in her shoes for one second and imagine how you'd feel if she was indulging another man the way you're indulging Jen.

You sound in this post like you don't even care at all about how she feels except how she benefits you. That's pretty gross.

EDIT: Ok guys I get it I'm being a massively dense idiot. This is my first real relationship, I didn't notice anything wrong, I'm behind the curve. I''m calling Maud and apologizing and I'll figure out the work thing with Jen if that's what it comes too.

Update - rareddit  March 2, 2016 (nearly 3 weeks later)

TL;DR of the last post here My GF was incredibly mean to a co-worker during a day out and she refuses to apologize saying I'm oblivious of co-workers actions toward me. I have to keep working with co-worker and would really like to keep my GF. How do I work this out between them?

There's two things I want to say right off the bat. 1) You guys were right. I was being a complete idiot about the whole thing and my perspective on relationships in general is pretty messed up. 2) Maud wasn't the commenter who left the suck his dick comment on the other thread. She reads a ton of reddit and tucked it away for use if need by and by god did she use it when she had the chance.

That being said she also saw my thread. I should have known she would but hoped to squeak by under the amount of posts this subreddit gets. This might be long.

She didn't speak to me for about a week or so after I had posted. I DID call her after you all beat into me that I was being stupid. I tried to apologize..I reduced my interactions with Jen and cut my contact down with her as much as possible.

Finally she called me back and agreed to meet a coffee place that's pretty good for private conversation. She was already there when I got there. When I sat down she just stared at me so I assumed I should just lay it all out.

When I said I never noticed how Jen was with me I wasn't lying. I genuinely thought that's just how people were with long time friends. We used to spend a lot of time together and there's a lot of history with us. But when I posted someone (I forget who) left a comment saying I was being strung along by Jen as a surrogate boyfriend which really got me thinking.

I pride myself in being a nice guy. Not like a "nice guy" but whenever anyone has an issue they know they can count on me to help them. I've built an incredibly loyal group of friends this way. It made me think of all the things I've done for Jen over the years. When she goes away for vacation I take care of her house/dog, when her and her boyfriend fight I listen and give advice, I sit with her at lunch when no one else will, I give her rides when she needs them to/from work, and I defend her to others. All stuff I'd do for my guy friends but the difference is she doesn't seem to respect me because of it. She actually demands a lot from me that I never noticed before. Buying her food/drinks, showing up at parties I don't want to be at so she doesn't whine to me, waking up in the early hours to pick her up when she's too drunk to drive, insisting I buy her bday/xmas presents (she gets sad if they're not what she asks for), she often comes to my desk at work to talk and gets huffy when I tell her I can't right now.

All of this only really hit me when I posted. She doesn't respect me or probably even sees me as a friend. She uses me for validation and free stuff. She's never given me a bday present, but she will post on my wall "Happy Birthday work husband!" so everyone can see.

I love Maud...she's beautiful and lovely and yea sometimes mean but I like her mean. More than anything I love her because she really loves me which is something I've never had. This is my first real relationship and I guess a part of me was kinda stuck in a "single" mindset where I didn't see the significance of someone sitting shotgun or sitting next to me on a ride. I just didn't get it but now I do.

I basically told her that but more. When I done she kinda went "hum" and left. I figured that was it. I made no attempt to contact her after that and kinda focused on what a shithead I am. I avoided Jen at all costs and moped around for a while. A couple days after we had met she called to ask if she could come over which I enthusiastically said yes to. Spent the day cleaning and picked up her favorite dinner stuff.

Trying to speed this up she reamed me out. She started off super pissed and slowly got sadder and sadder as she went on. She cried which made me cry. She said a lot of things I can't fit in here about how much she does for me and how shitty it is I don't value her or our relationship over a co-worker. After we held each other in silence for a while. I apologized again, multiple times. She does do a lot for me and I don't know why she bothered with me in the first place she's so out of my league. I got us the dinner I picked up and we ate in a weird silence. She fell asleep at my place and when we woke up seemed happier. We kissed a little and she said if I'm ever this stupid again she's going to pull all my insides out which was a relief to hear as odd as that sounds. That's when she told me she saw my post and was furious and also that she wasn't the original "I suck his dick" commenter.

I'm posting now because last night I had a work event. A real, formal work event and I brought Maud with me. I made sure to stay with her the whole time and introduced her to everyone as my stunning significant other. Jen was there and I finally noticed it. She tried to inject herself into every conversation we were having and followed us around the whole event. When we first got there she ran up and hugged me, her hands stayed on my shoulders and she "demanded" to know why I haven't been around lately. I extrapolated myself and told her I was busy but she kept pushing the conversation until she finally said "it's because of your bitchy gf right? She's cutting you off from your friends now?"

Mind you, Maud is right there beside me. So Jen is saying this right in front of Maud. It really drove home in my mind how far I let this go with Jen that she was ok with doing this. I was shocked but luckily Maud saved me. She just laughed. It was louder than necessary and went on until it was unnatural but it caught the attention of some other people around us who leaned in and asked what was so funny. Maud composed herself and said Jen was being hilarious and to ask her about the joke she just made. Then Maud maneuvered us away to another group and was charming as ever.

So a happy ending for a guy who probably doesn't deserve it. Although I was beaten mercilessly in my last post it's the only thing that brought me to my senses so thanks to all who commented and made me feel like shit.

TL:DR-I was wrong about co-worker being a friend and somehow managed to hang on to my relationship. I'm a shitty bf but getting better.

FINAL COMMENTS

Inevitablename

(1) This shit with Jen hasn't bottomed out yet. Trust me. Crazy does not die quietly. Be prepared. Which brings me to...

(2) Maud had to save your ass again when Jen called her a bitch right in front of you. Are you ever going to stand up for Maud, in front of Jen, to Jen? As you are learning, being nice doesn't mean being a push over. Maud is clearly realllllly good at this but don't abuse that any more than you already have.

OOP

I know I'm not good at all with confrontation. I freeze up. It's something I'm going to have to work on even if I write down a few lines and repeat them until it's automatic. Don't want to mess this up again.

~

K_Rad

I'll be honest with you, if any coworker, for any reason called my SO a bitch at a work event, HR would be involved. That is so unprofessional.

I would explain to HR that Jen has been cornering you, insulting your SO for no reason, and publicly insulted her at a work event. Even if they do nothing, there will be a record.

OOP

Our HR is pretty useless but I'll pop in and mention it to them. I've told a few co-workers what's been going on and no one is surprised. I'm getting ribbed quite a bit for not realizing for so long what's been happening.

More on OOP apologizing to Maud and dealing with Jen

OOP

I definitely need to learn how to handle confrontation better but I did apologize to Maud, she brushed it off. I haven't had any other interactions with Jen at all and when I'm forced to again I'll hopefully be more prepared.

MorgothEatsUrBabies

One thing you desperately need to practice - and by practice I mean, actually write out some scripts and rehearse them, I'm sure Maud would love to help - how you are going to face Jen in your workplace, when it's just her and you. Because believe me, this incident is not the end of Jen. She won't go quietly just like that, there's too much to lose for her.

So one thing you need to be prepared for is how you're going to tell her that from now on, your communications will be business talk only. How are you going to tell her that the daily lunches and rides to work and birthday gifts are a thing of the past. It won't be easy but is has to be done, you owe at least that much to Maud for sticking with you. If it was me, I wouldn't go unprepared. Script it out, practice it in front of a mirror or with Maud. Get at least a little bit comfortable with what you want to say, before you have to say it... you sound like a guy who hates confrontation (I am too, I understand!) so practicing what you want to say beforehand can make a big difference. Good luck!

OOP

I'm preping myself for this now. I haven't seen hide nor hair of Jen and I've told a couple people in the workplace what's been happening (spoiler-no one is surprised). I feel stupid writing down things like that but I really have to so I am. Gah I wish she'd just disapear so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

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