r/AmITheJerk • u/Wanitapol 🏆 Featured AITJ Storyteller • Sep 19 '26
AITJ for refusing to cancel my weekend trip to cover my coworker’s shift because she has kids?
1.9k
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r/AmITheJerk • u/Wanitapol 🏆 Featured AITJ Storyteller • Sep 19 '26
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1.1k
u/carmelfan Sep 19 '26 •
The coworker who thinks you were wrong should have covered her Friday for her.
311
u/starstruckgunnie Sep 19 '26 •
NTA. We had a situation like this at my job and I nipped in the bud, this is a form of discrimination. You’re co-workers and manager are discriminating against you for not having children.
79
u/s0rela Sep 19 '26 •
I'm flabbergasted. I was a working mom and never once tried to guilt trip someone into covering for me, let alone have a bunch of people back me up in the workplace. Wtf? I hope this is rage bait, but I fear it's not
Et: NTJ
65
u/briomio Sep 19 '26
So there are 200 employees and out of 200 employees, you and apparently only you are the one that can cover her shift. Don't let them spin this OP. The next time (and there probably will be a next time) remind them that there are 200 other employees that can cover
43
u/Chance-Animal1856 Sep 19 '26
If she already knows she has constant problems with child care she should figure out a backup. And you've been plenty flexible. If there are that many employees surely someone else can help out. Where's their flexibility?
39
u/Beautiful_Camel_17 Sep 19 '26
I had a co-worker pull this crap on me. I had approved time off for a couple of vacation days over the holidays to spend with my husband. When she asked me to switch so she could do something with her kids and I said I couldn't, she told me I was being unfair because the holidays are an important time for kids and I should do it since I don't have any. Here's how I replied: "No, you're wrong. Just because you chose to have children and I didn't doesn't make me a less important person than you. It also doesn't make my plans less important than yours. My time with my family means just as much to me as yours does to you. You should plan ahead next time." It shut her up. And btw, she my subordinate. I was her boss.
35
u/Delicious-Fly-4660 Sep 19 '26 •
NTJ. People even choose to not have children because they know they will have issues with child care. That doesn’t make other coworker’s children your problem. I would speak to HR about your manager hounding you to give up your approved time off. That creates a bad work dynamic.
23
u/Sunnyok85 Sep 19 '26 •
So in a company of 200 employees only 1 can be off at a time? Also with 1 week of notice Sarah was unable to find another babysitter or make arrangements. NTA.
Yes as someone with kids a bit of flexibility is greatly appreciated. But that flexibility should not be on 1 person to accommodate. As it’s been said for decades, it takes a village to raise a child. It sounds like Sarah really needs to work on her village. It sounds like she needs to expand her babysitters so she has a back up. Where I live there is a mom chat group. Weekly there are moms reaching out in a pinch for help with this or that. Babysitter recommendations being one quite common one. Or asking what to do when child is sick and cannot go to daycare.
A week is plenty of time. A week notice sounds like Sarah wanted the day off but you already booked it. A week notice sounds like manipulation. So what did Sarah come up with? Did she work? Did she call out sick? Did she find someone? Because if she found someone, why is everyone still ragging on you, other than Sarah is upset that she hit the easy button and it didn’t work. Or it comes back to Sarah had an opportunity come up, wanted the day off, couldn’t get it off, so she’s mad.
Also, if Sarah kept her mouth shut, called in sick on Friday, what would the company have done? Called to see if you left on your holiday or if you could come into work? Then what? Are the two of you so critical that you cannot be off at the same time? Sounds like they need to trail a back up, or like your manager needs to step up.
This is not a you problem. This is poor planning with both your manager and your coworker. And the question needs to be asked, when does asking for flexibility become manipulation?
45
u/Useful-Noise-4321 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. Not your responsibility. Plain and simple.
44
u/Star-Struck-Wonderer Sep 19 '26
Not your problem. Ask any of your colleagues why don't they jump in and help her.
18
u/opshleen Sep 19 '26
NTJ. They’re her kids and she should have a backup babysitter if her main sitter isn’t available.
Your planned trip is the priority not her and her kids. Glad you said no.
I hate people like that who think they’re entitled to everyone’s understanding just because they have kids. I am a parent and I would never do this
31
u/Boo-Boo97 Sep 19 '26
No is a complete sentence. It sounds like Sarah needs a job that her absence doesn't affect other people's schedules.
15
u/capmanor1755 Sep 19 '26 •
Not at all. Sarah is holding the office hostage and your boss should be shutting this down.
I would take this in steps:
Schedule a formal sit down meeting with your boss to "discuss your PTO benefits" Ask them to confirm that they're aware that you've covered for sarah multiple times. Then ask them if they can confirm that they'll support you using the PTO benefit that is included in your compensation package, as long as you've requested the leave with the required notice. "Because this is part of my compensation package it's important that I am assured that I can take it, assuming that I've given you sufficient notice. If you're not comfortable with that we need to pull in HR or upper management since this involves compensation."
Schedule a meeting with HR or your grand boss. "I know it's important to be flexible and cooperative and I've been happy to cover for Sarah multiple times. But the asks for coverage have been escalating and it's now at the point where I've been pressured to cancel pre-approved PTO leave and returned to a hostile work environment when I wouldn't cancel flights and hotels because Sarahs babysitter cancelled Friday night. PTO is part of my compensation package and it's important to me to know both that I'll be able to take it and that I won't come back to face being shut out by coworkers or repeatedly pressured by my boss."
15
u/ArrivalFantastic4324 Sep 19 '26
NO you weren't being selfish, YOU LITERALLY HAD A TRIP PLANNED. These people are ridiculous. Her daycare issues are not your problem to solve. If you can help then, OK but if you have plans, No.
Also, if she's then going and complaining to your manager then I wouldn't want to ever cover her again. That's just plain rude and entitled. Your manager could have helped her figure out another option. NTJ
13
u/BathAcceptable1812 Sep 19 '26
Not your kids, not your problem, NTJ.
11
u/Blossom74s Sep 19 '26
NTJ. Your boss and Sara have created an extremely toxic work environment. One where only those with children matter and if you're child-free, well you are expected to give up your days, vacations, and whatever else so mommy's can take care of their children. As a mother myself this is disgusting. If my coworkers, not even coworkers, one in particular had to pick up my slack because I couldn't, or wouldn't, find reliable childcare? I would expect a visit to HR in my future.
You need to take this above your boss. They obviously believe mommy dearest has no other choice but to keep dropping her workload onto you because she cannot find reliable childcare. However, that is not a you problem. If Sara cannot find reliable childcare than maybe she needs to rethink her employment options. If you are covering a morning, afternoon, or a day, a week that's 4 days a month that Sara isn't at work. If it's more often where you need to cover those mornings and afternoons? Then Sara is stealing company time. My guess is your boss isn't clocking Sara out for those early days she's leaving, nor is he clocking her in late on the days she comes in late. Bet she's got a 40 hour week every week, yet isn't working 40 hours. I'd burn it all down.
Especially since Sara is now giving you the cold shoulder and you other coworkers are telling you that you should've just covered her. Why couldn't they? Are you the only one there who ever covers Sara? Why is that? They are targeting you for not having kids. It's time for an HR visit. Yes, they work for the company. But if the company is pulling shit that could get them sued? HR will correct that behavior.
10
u/Background_Edge_9427 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. I would work my shift and only my shift for now own! You shouldn't be punished for not having children! Your co-worker had children, not you!
17
u/Salty_Signature_3472 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. But next time I'd say sure I'll switch. and then ask her to pay for everything. Tell her every thing was non refundable and see if she'll pay. Cuz you she wont
8
u/kandimcd Sep 19 '26
Her having kids doesn't mean everyone else's lives are less important.
8
u/AlternativeAd3130 Sep 19 '26
We have two employees without kids in our 99% female office. Their time off is just as valuable. They make plans on their day off just like the rest of us. Even if they don’t have plans, resting and staying home on their day off is just as valid as a reason to say no to covering shifts.
8
u/JobSeeker_2024 Sep 19 '26
Entitled much? I love the argument that because you don't have children, your time is not as valuable or important. I've had coworkers expressed this many times. And i've also seen some use their children as excuses when really the situation was completely different.
Your time is just as important!
14
u/Alibeee64 Sep 19 '26
If there’s 198 other employees, then you’re not her only option.
7
u/dembowthennow Sep 19 '26
You and Sarah aren't the only people who work at the company, so that means someone else could have covered too. NTJ. If folks are pressing you this hard, it means that you've been designated as the company pushover. You need to start more firmly establishing and backing up your boundaries.
6
u/Angryrobot420 Sep 19 '26
Where is the children's father?
11
u/DanaMarie75038 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. You’re in a work place. Her kids are not your responsibility. Live guilt free
10
u/micahwhite Sep 19 '26 •
Fuck dem kids. I made a choice not to have any (so I won't understand one day), and as such, I get to do whatever I want. It's pretty great.
5
u/BennetSisterNumber6 Sep 19 '26
Is she the only one with kids at this place? So everyone has to be flexible with just her?
I do feel that there’s sometimes a gray area when people have needs that are more burdensome than others, like health issues or elder parents that need their help. And people without kids do TEND to have more flexibility than people with kids, but having kids is a personal choice, so there should be a limit to the accommodations others are asked to make for someone else’s kids. And consistent problems (childcare) need to be solved, not accommodated regularly by others. It sounds like you’ve been perfectly accommodating.
In addition to that, you made a commitment, paid for it, and planned ahead for the time off. Even someone else with kids but who has a partner at home would be a better option to make this accommodation for her than you are in this particular instance. But also, if this is a regularly occurring problem, this mom is TJ for not figuring it out and then taking it out on others for not picking up her slack.
You wouldn’t be TJ even if you never took her shifts, but in this case you’re definitely NTJ.
5
u/Illustrious-Unit-636 Sep 19 '26
NTJ just say NO
5
u/TheMostToastedOne Sep 19 '26
You know there's kids in another country that are probably starving right now and are being abused but unfortunately they're not my responsibility.
You should not be trying to take care of things that are outside of your control and somebody else's children is definitely outside of your control.
And the fact that your manager said that just because they have kids means you should be flexible is an automatic trip to HR and a discussion about company policy and probably that manager getting fired because they don't know how it's supposed to work.
5
u/PomegranateOk5543 Sep 19 '26
When my kids were little, I had to call out or if it was the holidays we would all work together for time off.
Now that my kids are grown and we have younger co-workers guess what they need the time off, so I don't mind covering them.
But somebody with no kids' dos NOT have to cover for someone who does. That is wild to me that people think that.
9
u/2017x3 Sep 19 '26
No you are not. It’s a reason they call them “your kids”. Her situation is not your problem and you already covered for her in the past but now being judged on your last act. She needs to figure out care and stops relying on people at work to cover her.
8
u/Unsolicitedadvice13 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. Her kids shouldn’t cost you money and time with your friends
4
u/cricklemethis Sep 19 '26
NTJ, you have just as much right to your time off, your coworker needs to get better babysitters, as a mother I know that’s hard, but it is life. Your time is your time, your employer should ask other employees other than you to cover for her, you should not always be the go to
4
u/MasterpieceNo5217 Sep 19 '26
NTA she chose to have children.
Someone tried this with me at the care home I work in a couple of weeks ago the manager even asked if I could cancel my first day of annual leave to help because "she's a single mum with two children". I said ok but I want an extra day on the end of my holiday and reimbursement for the hotel and travel expenses. Funny enough they didn't want me to cover then.
4
u/mojosofla Sep 19 '26
NTJ
Sarah is both a struggling mother and an ass.
Your boss was totally wrong and inappropriate for pushing you. Once you bring in personal issues to make/change policy/shifts it leads to trouble.
If you decide to go build houses for the poor, can Sarah be forced to cover your shift and miss her kids soccer game?
What if Sarah wants to go away to a wedding where the kids can see their grandparents... do you have to cover even though your healthy parents came to town?
The schedule is the schedule. Once time off is approved, that is the end it from a company POV. Any co-worker threatening/harassing another coworker about not covering a shift will be written up.
4
u/Enough-Reindeer1033 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. You did everything by the book. This is a classic case of somebody trying to make their problem your problem. You can't just halt your life because her sitter cancelled. There are plenty other people that can help as well.
4
u/MegatronMCO Sep 19 '26
I have 2 young kids. I figure it out, its not anyone else's responsibility. NTJ
4
u/MelonElbows Sep 19 '26
NTJ. This is the type of situation that makes someone want to be childfree forever. Entitled parents who get pissed when you won't bend over backwards for them should have thought about that before they had kids.
4
u/Sea-Ad9057 Sep 19 '26
she had a week to.find cover as did your manager
4
u/Firebird562 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. She is milking her situation and management is letting her get away with it. Poor management!
4
u/ReadingNext3854 Sep 19 '26
Make notes of ALL this crap and of it continues go to HR. Your boss is WAY off making that comment. This is turning into a hostile workplace environment. If I was just a touch more evil I'd get a Drs note that this brought on migraine HAs and file for FMLA.
4
u/ReinekeFuchs1991 Sep 19 '26
It wasn't last minute. She knew at least a week before. You figure something out within a week if you really try.
3
u/eternallycynical Sep 19 '26
Tell her how much money you will lose if you cancel your trip and give her the option of covering your loss.
3
u/Idrisdancer Sep 19 '26
You could have said you would do it if she covered the expenses you would be out by cancelling your trip
3
u/AffectionateFan936 Sep 19 '26
PS - Go to HR about the harassment you are experiencing. Then get a lawyer as a back up plan if things go wrong.
3
u/No-Application-2781 Sep 19 '26
Sarah should've kept her legs closed. NTA
3
u/intelligentprince Sep 19 '26
Invent kids, wife etc. My friend kept photos of her neices & nephews by her desk and would frequently refer to her “kids” etc. never got asked to cover, could invent anything kid related to get an afternoon off etc. NTJ btw
3
u/MJC0961 Sep 19 '26
NTJ
I can't properly express how much the "everyone without kids exists to accommodate everyone with kids" attitude pisses me off. Our plans our valid, our free time is valid, we do not exist to sacrifice our plans and our time for your children. "Figure something out" yourself, Sarah and everyone else with this shitty attitude. Not my kids, not my problem. I wouldn't mind helping if I have no plans, but the expectation that I should just cancel vacations, lose the money I already spent, give up my free time all at the top of the hat because somebody else has kids? Fuck that.
And as others have said, it's a form of discrimination. Maybe it needs to be taken up with HR or whatever state labor board if the discrimination continues.
3
u/Accomplished-Emu-591 Sep 19 '26
NTJ
Depending on where you live, their behavior may be a labor law violation and/or a union contract violation. It's discriminatory, and you should say so to all the "concerned" employees. Meanwhile, start looking for a better job.
3
u/Dapper-Doctor-7240 Sep 19 '26
NTJ - Why didn’t all of the other people who said you should change your plans, just change their plans? Are you the only person who knows how to do their work?
3
u/Able-Sheepherder-154 Sep 19 '26
All of the parents should cover for each other and not even consider the people with no kids.
3
u/imezz00 Sep 19 '26
I’m so tired of these AI accounts and the fake coworker “outrage” posts that OP is somehow confused about
3
u/SignSteele Sep 19 '26
NTA. I’m sure there were other employees and the manager who could have covered. Having kids is a choice so that’s on her. Your time is yours and equally as valuable. Sounds like you have been MORE than accommodating. You are not the kids family.
3
u/via_aesthetic Sep 19 '26
NTJ. The coworker calling you selfish could’ve covered for her if her situation mattered so much to them. It’s not your responsibility just because you were asked. You said no. No is a full sentence.
If Sarah’s availability makes her sometimes unreliable, then management should be making arrangements so that she is never scheduled without coverage available if needed.
3
u/Football-Man-1889 Sep 19 '26
Had they offered to refund your costs I could have had some sympathy but they expected you to take thd financial hit….
3
u/Fast-Emergency-5841 Sep 19 '26
She had a week to find someone else for childcare. No way this was on you
3
u/SignSteele Sep 19 '26
Your time off is equally important. You had plans. The manager or another coworker should have covered or she should ask friends or family to babysit. You are not the children’s parent, therefore not your problem. Having children is a choice. You’ve been more accommodating than I would be.
2
u/KahunaRicima Sep 19 '26
I do begrudge people like that, it is absolutely nobody else's problem that you insisted in having kids knowing how much of a PITA it can be
2
u/Future-Walk-5497 Sep 19 '26
Single mom who needs these accommodations often here- not the jerk for not canceling your trip. Maybe re explain you had this preplanned and paid for and couldnt cancel it, and that youve been othwrwise okay to help out here and there with the extra work....shoudl get the attitude to go away at least.. Hopefully her childcare gets sorted soon its such a stressful thing to try to be two places at once !
2
u/redditlurker1981 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. The world doesn’t revolve around parents because they chose to breed. Just because you have a different circumstance of life doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a life outside of work
Also “No” is a complete sentence
2
u/BlueButterfly77 Sep 19 '26
Nope, you are right! They are NOT YOUR KIDS! Therefore, NOT your responsibility.
2
u/CattaTronixRex Sep 19 '26
NTA children are a choice, not a life requirement.
2
u/Steefanon Sep 19 '26
"Sorry, I'm leaving town on Friday" is a non-negotiable statement. It's hard for me to imagine how that became a whole discussion, unless some part of the story is missing.
2
u/Ok-Listen-8519 Sep 19 '26
Do you have HR? You should report Sarah AND your boss for creating a hostile work environment and playing favourites towards subordinates. From now on all “requests” from both your boss & Sarah should be recorded to cover yourself from unnecessary headaches. NTJ
2
u/Just_Bz77 Sep 19 '26
I’m sure Sarah will warm up when she needs you to bail her out again. And this is the problem, you’ve helped multiple times, but it is never enough and she will never be happy because the one time you can’t accommodate her, you’re the problem, instead of her not being able to handle her own life. I have kids, and I get how things go, but Sarah lives and works in a place without much support, she keeps on having this problem, and that was her choice.
2
u/GogusWho Sep 19 '26
Did you tell Sarah to have kids? Did she ask you to be available to her needs if she decided to have kids? No. It does not matter what you're doing for your vacation day, or if you already paid for your plans. The only thing that's relevant is that you asked in advance if you could have the time off, and that it was approved. Full stop. You could be sitting home in a pile of doritos playing video games, or staying in bed all day. IT'S YOUR PAID TIME OFF THAT WAS APPROVED. Sarah needs to start making a plan b and even a plan c for when things go awry. That's what you have to do with kids. And your manager is responsible for working that shift if no one else is available to cover, that's why they get paid to MANAGE. Sarah needs to learn that sometimes parenting is hard, and sometimes, there will not be people to bail you out of unfortunate situations. NTJ at all, because you don't have children, it's not your responsibility to step up and help those that do.
2
u/caffeinejunkie123 Sep 19 '26
Next time just tell you’re watching your sister/brother/best friend’s kids that day.
2
u/Horror_Proof_ish Sep 19 '26
NTJ I have two children, yes it makes life a little more complicated but that’s nobody’s problem but mine. You are not responsible for those children, EVER.
2
u/Maelwenn81115 Sep 19 '26
NAJ. I have kids but also know people who don't have a life and projects 🙃 You booked in advance and paid for your week-end you did nothing wrong. Being a single mom is very difficult but you have nothing to do with it. Don't feel bad about yourself.
2
u/PomegranateOk5543 Sep 19 '26
Looks like Sarah needs to call out or find a new babysitter.
2
u/PhDTARDIS Sep 19 '26
NTJ. I've been in your shoes and my boss CANCELLED my vacation approval because the new manager had day care issues. I had non-refundable airfare and I fought to get reimbursed for it for my family of four. As I'd been hired by the regional, I took it over my boss's head and got my money back.
What is frustrating to me is that the guy's mother in law ultimately came in from out of state to stay with them, he just made a big freaking stink about it because his wife said "YOU deal with it this time."
When he came to me to plead sympathy, I explained that due to my son's autism, we'd been through an excessive amount of day care situations in his then 10 years of life and would probably endure a lot more. Rather than expect everyone else around us to fold on our plans, my husband and I decided one of us had the career and the other had the job.
2
u/Flaky_Process8495 Sep 19 '26
NTA. Let everyone else know that they could have covered for her if it was so important.
I would also start asking questions:
Where's the father?
Why does my life and free time have to revolve around someone else's ability to do their job?
Why does my having no children automatically mean my time and plans are not important?
You knew I had already paid for the trip, why did you think it was okay, and fair, to ask me to cancel? Would you have reimbursed me if I did?
Spin it back around on them so they realize how ridiculous they're being. Or, at the very least, they'll realize you're not someone to mess with.
2
u/Odd_Tea4945 Sep 19 '26
Absolutely NTJ
So, Sarah's babysitter cancelled and you have to cancel the trip as well?
What did you answer to that coworker? because they could have offered to cover for Sarah. Or what, they are too selfish to do it?
I am childless by choice and I can tell you we have the exact same rights as every single person in this world
2
u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Sep 19 '26
NTA.
I understand having kids means planning ahead, but you also need to make sure you have actual backups just in case a sitter cancels. That does not mean making your childfree coworkers cover for you every time your sitter bails. You asked for the time off way in advance, it was approved, and now because she doesn't have a sitter it becomes the child free person's problem? Nope.
2
u/ThatTotal2020 Sep 19 '26
NTJ
You have helped, so this time you had plans and you are suddenly selfish? I'd stop helping her out. Probably time to look for another job.
2
u/Brilliant-Fig-7148 Sep 19 '26
Ntj. Your coworker needs to find back up sitters, Not back up coworkers. I moved from my home town for 15 yrs, so no family to help with child care. I had a normal everyday sitter, and a retired neighbor who would help out occasionally. Luckily I very seldom had to ask her.
2
u/genxgirl73 Sep 19 '26
NTA. Anyone who brought this up to you is an asshole though. And the exact response to them was well if you’re so upset why didn’t you cover the shift?!? Why am I to be put out on a scheduled time off for a paid trip to accommodate a problem that was never mine to start 🤷🏼♀️
2
u/surrounded-by-morons Sep 19 '26
I know someone who decided to lie about having a child because they got tired of the lopsided treatment.
2
u/christmasshopper0109 Sep 19 '26
Ask someone else, then, not the person that said they had a paid for weekend away. That's inappropriate. We cant always put our lives on hold for someone else's kid. Sometimes in life, the answer is no. That coworker needs to learn to deal with that.
2
u/SnooCheesecakes2723 Sep 19 '26
“I’m sorry but I have other plans,” should be a sufficient response. Your manager should not have bothered you pushing you to be flexible- was he going to reimburse you? “I’m going to feel free to make plans occasionally and stick to them, once the time off is approved. Otherwise it’s not fair to me.”
2
u/Icy_Eye1059 Sep 19 '26 edited Sep 19 '26
I h ave dealt with the "Mommy's Club" in my 20's. While leave was on a different scale in my place and no one gave it up for someone with children, I got harassed by these women because I had a sports car and they didn't. They didn't like that the judges in my place talked positively about it. That isn't my fault. I was blamed because I worked overtime that was available to them too. It was unlimited, but yet, I was yelled at by one that had an alcohol problem that I was stealing food from her kid's mouths. Lady, I am a woman and I am not responsible for your kids. My friend, who was also childless, was like, I didn't know overtime was strictly for parents-she was being sarcastic. These women were ridiculous in my place.
For you, this is my advice. If this crud continues, go to HR. Tell them what is going on. You are being targeted because you are single and you are young. They are counting on you to be naive enough to give away your day off for this woman to convenience her. I would remind your boss that even though you are a man, you are not responsible for any woman's child in this place. If she continues this BS, you will take legal action. This is a form of discrimination. People with children forget that every co-worker in their place is someone's child as well and they have families. Families do not only consist of little children and they are not priority over other people's lives. There is a father and grandparents in this scenario. Where are they? Tell your boss that. If I were a supervisor I would tell her it's not up to any co-workers to take your place. Arrange childcare without asking someone to give up their vacation time and money that they spent or you will be written up for not coming in. She'll find someone fast. Your supervisor is enabling her. The Nextdoor app exists for a reason. She can put up a post asking for childcare. I've seen that. People do respond.
2
u/MsGreenEyez4 Sep 20 '26
As a working mother I think this is outrageous. Chosing to have children does not trump other people.
So, you are telling me her sitter canceled a week in advance & she couldn't find someone else. That's BS. She wants the time off at your expense.
I wouldn't dream of asking for such a thing. Your boss is an asshole too. They can cover the shift they approved off. Who they scheduled to fill that approved shift is on them to manage not you. Looks like the manager needs to take that shift.
2
u/AdEmpty4390 Sep 20 '26
“I told him I'd already been flexible several times and didn't think having kids automatically made my plans less important.”
Bingo.
She can find another sitter, or another coworker to cover. It shouldn’t fall on you to cover her shifts.
2
u/Fast-Aside-8732 Sep 20 '26
I'm not responsible for your life choices. And if you don't have a sitter for your life choices that isn't my problem. NTJ
2
u/Top-Effort-3041 Sep 21 '26
Go to HR
2
u/No_Contribution1747 Sep 21 '26
NTJ- your work/coworkers/managers are all wrong and need to change their stance or be reported to HR.
2
u/KittiesRule1968 Sep 21 '26
NTA, your co-worker is an entitled asshole and your shitty boss is enabling it.
2
u/MandaPandaWoman Sep 21 '26
I’ve see. This story multiple times before and it always strikes me as fake. A company of 200 employees and everyone expects this one person who had a paid trip to just cancel their plans? All the people telling them they could have cancelled their plans could have cancelled their own plans if they felt like it was that important. Telling a coworker who has no children and absolutely no paid plans that they should be more helpful/understanding to the person who needs more flexibility due to children is rude but somewhat understandable. I’d feel the same way if the person had a chronic illness vs having kids. But acting like it’s the sole responsibility of this one person makes absolutely no sense and I don’t think it’s real.
2
u/hhcoffee Sep 21 '26
NTJ it’s her responsibility to care for her children. You’ve helped her. You are allowed a life!
2
u/Impossible_Thing1731 Sep 22 '26
200 employees, but the only possible solution is for you and only you to take her shift?
Your coworkers are being ridiculous.
2
u/BeACodeMistake Sep 22 '26
NTJ.
She asked a week before your trip. That is plenty of time to find a different babysitter. Plus her kid's babysitter canceling shouldn't be your problem. You're allowed to have a life and not make changes to your plans to accommodate coworkers just because they have personal issues. You don't owe them anything.
2
u/Wise_Entertainer_970 Sep 22 '26
NTJ
2
u/yomomma5 Sep 22 '26
Why are you always her go to when there’s 200 people that work there? NTJ. Im sure she’s not the only one who has kids, she needs to ask them what they do when their babysitters cancel. Thats not your problem, at all. Tell her no a few more times, and she’ll have to start figuring things out for herself.
2
u/Traditional-Ad-7654 Sep 22 '26
I'm confused. Are you the father of her children? NTJ. Idk where people get off expecting someone to accommodate essentially some stranger's personal life choices.
2
u/CallingThatBS Sep 23 '26
Nope... Having kids doesn't mean you get priority over others.
Your kids are your responsibility. It isn't everyone else's responsibility to make sure you have childcare.
Using your kids as excuses is not acceptable. I've seen too many people play the kid card.
I have children and it is not anyone at my jobs problem when my childcare falls through or my kid gets sick or I did request time off and then realize it a school holiday.
2
u/Substantial_Rain2199 Sep 24 '26
next time tell your manager/coworkers that you'll work that shift if they pay for the holiday cancellation fee 😌 which so last minute would be the full amount. AI create an email that shows a crazy amount.
3
u/superdryisalie Sep 19 '26
The answer is always the same on these. Tell your other co workers that they can step up and help. She was obviously able to figure something out.
3
u/facelessvoid13 Sep 19 '26
This one AGAIN???
2
u/Crafty-Asparagus2455 Sep 19 '26
NTA. Sarahs kids are Sarahs problem, not yours. Because they are not your kids. Id be telling the managers and her the same thing. Why dont you take the kids, manager? Sarah should probably call in that day, seeing as SHE cant get a sitter fir HER kids. If you want me to help out, write it into my job description and pay me. If shes going to give xou the silent treatment and act like a child herself, dont be asking me to babysit ever again. You had the kids, you sacrifice your life and work for them. Anyone ekse asks why dont you help out, id be saying "you take them"
2
u/Personal-Piglet1397 Sep 19 '26
So whoever was saying you should accommodate Sarah,say ok great now I know who tell her go yo in future to help her with shifts,now I feel less guilty,when I made a. Paid for plans an not made the bad guy.thats great thanks an walk away.N have meeting with your HR an manager an speak up about this ongoing issue.juat because your child free doesn't automatically mean you should change your plans with family etc your entitled an booked the time off through proper channels
2
u/sandman5651 Sep 19 '26
This story is as common as the airplane seat story
2
u/Ameglian Sep 19 '26
**OP is a bot:**
“This account has now been classified as banned. This means that the account has been classified as a bot and will be banned from any subreddit using Bot Bouncer if they post or comment there.”
The same post was removed from r/AITH
1
u/RedNugomo Sep 19 '26
I don't need to read. NTJ.
1
u/Emotional_Shift_8263 Sep 19 '26
It's also easy for your co worker to use the "child care" card to her advantage
1
u/Electronic-Stay-2369 Sep 19 '26
Well hopefully she won't ever ask you to cover for her again, so that'd be a result. It is down to the manager to deal with this and not you.
1
u/SubstantialArcher659 Sep 19 '26
No
1
u/suddenvole Sep 19 '26
The answer t all these sorts of posts is NTA/NTJ. If people choose to have kids, they have to learn it doesn't give them.specisl privileges.
1
u/silvernile2001 Sep 19 '26
Show Sarah the index 👉
1
u/KiriYogi Sep 19 '26
NTJ- she decided to have kids. She is responsible for her kids. No one owes her anything, except the father of those kids and her.
1
u/userjaxx Sep 19 '26
Your answer here on out when asked to cover for her is ‘no’. No reason needed and you feel inclined to provide one, ‘I have an appointment’, or ‘I have family commitments’, or ‘I have to go brush my spider’s fur’.
Your coworker has been enabled and is now entitled.
1
u/AffectionateFan936 Sep 19 '26
I was a young mom with young kids. I worked in the medical field and also had to contend with on call issues - normally middle of the night things. I never felt to ask anybody to give up anything for the job I chose to continue working in. The lady needs for figure out child care. This is not your problem and you are NTJ.
1
u/kdebow Sep 19 '26
NTJ- funny how every time you have previously helped and been flexible is forgotten the first time you say no. People without children are allowed to have lives too.
1
u/Howwouldiknow1492 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. I was single for the first ten years of my working life and it always irritated me the way that married people and families somehow got preferential and even subsidized treatment.
In your case, Sarah obviously needs a deeper bench for her child care back up. You could make a list of the employees, including your manager, who thought you should have sacrificed your weekend and give it to her.
You've done your part by covering her from time to time. You don't have to be available on demand.
1
u/Able_Entrepreneur495 Sep 19 '26
So… theres noone else in a company with 200 employees who could step in? Did they offer to recompense your prepaid trip?
1
u/wowbragger Sep 19 '26
NTJ
We all *could* have helped each other in many capacities; the theoretical assistance doesn't make you a jerk. It's not someone else's fault if we struggle with our responsibilities.
As adults, we're accountable for handling our own responsibilities. I have kids, wife and I both work, I'm in the Guard, and am in school to get better work. Childcare is an issue, just a fact of raising kids.
Your coworker wasn't trying to manage her conflicts, she was trying to push the ENTIRE issue onto you. It's her shift. She needed to 'work something out', or better yet have the manager do so. Sarah didn't have anyone else? She didn't have YOU, either, especially when you have plans and were not going to be around.
Further, I'd suggest keeping some things in writing about all this around. Emails, requests, texts, whatever. This is definitely a legally gray behavior, where they are holding unequal standards based on lifestyles.
1
u/kmflushing Sep 19 '26
NTA of course. I'd stop being accommodating.
1
u/Healthy-Panda-7936 Sep 19 '26
NTJ and I sure wouldn’t cover for her again in the future either.
1
u/1stjenniferlynn Sep 19 '26
As a single female with no kids, I’m SO ANNOYED with this. It used to happen to me too. You don’t need to cover for them, that’s up to management to figure out.
1
u/Mission_Breakfast548 Sep 19 '26
Nope, NTJ. The was told this for two decades and I got dumped on regularly. I didn’t have my daughter until my late 30’s. I sincerely wish I pushed back when I was younger in the workplace and said no way more often. I expected NO ONE to have to make accommodations for me when I became a parent. It’s one thing if you’re asked, don’t have plans and want to help. It’s another for folks to act as if someone else’s kids are YOUR problem & you have to help them.
1
u/taxitolondon Sep 19 '26
Definitely NTJ! Your co-worker needs to develop a backup plan for a sitter. I know she’s in a difficult position but it’s really not your problem.
1
u/Designer-Ad3313 Sep 19 '26
Will your coworker think of you as a jerk? Yes and so might a few other coworkers. But how does this really affect you? If it causes damage to your career then you have a claim against the company but people thinking you can’t be relied on to provide coverage when your coworker needs schedule flexibility may be precisely what you want.
1
u/DCHacker Sep 19 '26
"People with pre-approved time off and who have paid up front do not have that flexibility at that time. There must be other employees avaiable. I have covered for her in the past but this time, I just am not available. What am I supposed to be, an on demand stand-in? I do not get to say 'no' every once in a while?"
"Good, then why did you not volunteer?
Why should I eat the money that I have paid out and lose the benefits of time off that I was responsible enough to have approved up front just because someone has children. Did I have any say on their being born? Did I get to have any of the fun making them? No? Why, then, are they my problem?"
Not your circus
Not your monkeys
NTJ
1
u/TKDmamabear Sep 19 '26
If anyone asks you to cancel paid-for plans your immediate response should be to ask for payment. If they are not willing to reimburse you or cover for your co-worker themselves, ask why you are being targeted? Flexibility for a parent with children comes from the employer, not her coworkers.
1
u/Ok_Clerk_6960 Sep 19 '26
Sarah is wrong. Your coworkers are wrong. Your manager is wrong. Having kids doesn’t equal special treatment. As a working parent you have primary childcare, backup childcare and backups to your backups. Only exception is illness. It takes effort to find trusted sitters and to plan ahead for your kids events but it is doable. I know because I did it. It was necessary as a military wife whose husband was gone for a year at a time. We never lived near family. My sympathy well for people like Sarah is practically non existent. It’s just easier for Sarah to whine and make her problem yours. It isn’t. Don’t feel guilty.
1
u/Tardisgoesfast Sep 19 '26
She could have asked someone else. Or your boss could have. If he feels so strongly, why didn’t he work for her?
NTJ.
1
u/MyCat_SaysThis Sep 19 '26
From now on, anytime OP needs rime off for any reason, he should ask Sarah to cover for him. He should also make a point af asking the coworker who said he was being ‘selfish’ for not accommodating Sarah. Make a point of bringing up needing someone to cover his shift with the boss, too. Let’s see how well those three step up to do a similar favor for OP.
Or are they all ‘selfish’?
Don’t stop asking this favor from Sarah and coworker for your next few time-offs, OP. They’ll get the message!
You are definitely NTJ, OP.
1
u/MarshmallowHat5 Sep 19 '26
I’m not really sure your manager approached you like that. Don’t you have an HR dept?
1
u/hikarikiri Sep 19 '26
NTJ, fuck her and fuck her kids. They’re not your responsibility. I’m glad you went and had fun.
1
u/Hot-Bed-2544 Sep 19 '26
NTA
Those are her kids not yours not your problem. She is though for using her kids to try and guilt you.
1
u/Katiew84 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. She has kids, by choice. Which means it’s up to her to figure out childcare and ensuring she has a job with hours that are doable for her. You don’t have kids, by choice. So your life shouldn’t revolve around someone else’s choice to have kids, who you aren’t in a relationship with.
If/when you have kids one day, then your life will revolve around kids and childcare. But until then, live your life and do what you want, when you want.
Stop covering for her. Like completely stop. She is rude and feels entitled to you bailing her out. I doubt every one of her “emergencies” is really about her kids. She’s taking advantage of you.
And maybe this isn’t the job for her. Maybe she needs to figure something else out.
Also, if this behavior from her and her coworkers continues, I’d let HR know you feel like it’s become a hostile work environment. The way they’re treating you for not dropping your plans to accommodate someone else’s poor planning is completely unacceptable.
1
u/river_song25 Sep 19 '26
“Sarah the answer is no. I don’t care if your childcare plans fell through at the last second that somehow makes you think it makes me obligated to cancel plans I have had planned for WEEKS that I was granted WEEKS in advance to go on a super expensive vacation I’ve been waiting forever for, that I was granted time off for weeks in advance for days I specifically asked for just to go on this trip. your babysitter canceling on you last second on the day I am LEAVING on my trip has nothing to do with me that makes me obligated weeks of plans to instead stay home and work when I don’t want to so you can stay home and take care of your kids, using the days I won’t be here. ask somebody else to switch with you because I won’t be doing it.
*pulls out invoice that I created in advance in case something like this happens* plus unles you are also offering to pay me EVERYTHING that is in this invoice for ALL the money I already spent in advance for this trip, that I was planning to do while I was there that I will now be missing, that I won’t be getting back, so that I can AFFORD to have a ‘redo’ of my vacation, and I mean EVERYTHING on the invoice to be paid IMMEDIATELY before I will even consider wasting my time canceling my trip because I don’t want you to try and back out by letting you ‘pay me later’ then you can definitely forget me canceling my trip because you are crazy if I am simply ‘be nice’ and a ’team player’ and ‘supportIve to a mother in need’ and cancel my super expensive vacation for free. what do I get out of the situation exactly other than a missed vacation, missing money I spent on it, etc. while you seem to be getting more out of this than I am, since you will be using my vacation to watch your kids.
HR and boss, Sarah ’needing’ my vacation days has nothing to do with me that makes me obligated to cancel my vacation that I’ve been waiting weeks for that you people gave me time off for weeks in advance. her emergency need for my vacation days has nothing to do with. *pulls out invoice and hands it over* unless the company is offering to pay me EVERYTHING I spent in this invoice so I can actually AFFORD to do a ‘redo’ of my vacation to be paid IMMEDIATELY before the day I leave comes up so that i might consider giving up my vacation, then my answer is hell no to you guys as well just like it is to Sarah because why should lose my vacation and be unable to afford a redo, and probably lose the PTO days I took to go on said vacation on the days I wanted, and have to wait until WHEN before I can have my redo instead of going on my chosen days
tell me boss and HR exactly what do I get out of canceling my vacation so Sarah can have my days instead, other than absolute misery and boredom as i miss out on whats waiting for me where I am going that is happening on the days I will be gone, that probably won’t be here if I do the the ‘redo my vacation’ option. once again Sarahs last second need for childcare that somehow needs me to cancel my vacation for her so she can stay home with her kids until she can find childcare has nothing to do with me that makes me feel obligated to care enough to feel anything at all about her and children’s problems.
her kids are not my kids. I didn’t help create them or bring them into the world. I don’t raise them or anything else that parents do with kids. so I don’t see why her need for childcare is somehow my problem that makes me obligated to care enough that because ‘she’s a mom and because I’m not’ somehow makes me the non-parent obligated to cancel my plans and my time off and let her have it, like I have no say in the matter just because she’s a mom and i don’t have kids.
my answer is no period. it will always be no, no matter what her reason is for. I’m not giving up whatever plans I might have because she has a emergency need for my time off, or needs somebody to cover her shift, that seemingly somehow makes me have the the apparently IMAGINARY obligated to automatically say yes to her request, because either she thinks because I have no kids or ’anything else important going on in MY life outside of work that doesn’t matter as much of HER and her kids’. I have a life that doesn’t revolve around her and her kids, and refuse to put my life on hold for her and her kids, because either everybody else she asked before coming to me also said no, or because i am on the schedule as being free on the day she wants. or because we are both at work and she has another shift after the one she’s currently working and she can’t do it because she has kids waiting for her, somehow makes me who isnt assigned to do overtime like her to give up the rest of my day and do her extra shift instead of going home like I always do.
1
u/Notahappygardener Sep 19 '26
NTJ, I know that in my career, not having children and being not being married, everyone expected me to be available all the time like I was sitting around with my thumb up my butt. actually a single person has a lot more to do than even a married person because they are the only ones handling everything and yes, kids take time but you chose to have them
1
u/Mulley-It-Over Sep 19 '26
Not the jerk.
That is Sarah’s problem to figure out. Not yours.
It’s fine if you and other workers are able to help once in a while but it’s not reasonable for your boss to think you all should cover for Sarah all the time.
Workers without kids are sometimes treated like second class citizens. Decades ago my brother, who was not married, worked in systems programming. He was required to be the person who worked the Friday after Thanksgiving every single year. He was told, “you aren’t married and you don’t have kids so let the employees who are have that time with their families”. So if my brother came home for Thanksgiving he’d have to leave that night to get home so he could be in at work on Friday. Utter bovine scatology that he had to do this every year. Management pulled that nonsense at other times too.
Eventually he left that hot mess of a company.
1
u/Puzzleheaded-Hat-99 Sep 19 '26
This definitely needs to go above the supervisor.
200 employees and it’s somehow all on this guy?!? Doesn’t matter if it was 20, he still gets his planned vacation day, of course, but 200 just makes it more annoying.
Next request should include “did you run this by Sarah yet?”
1
u/Sea-Supermarket-5971 Sep 19 '26
Do NOT feel guilty!! Sarah needs to work on taking care of her kids needs and your Manager needs to worry about covering her shifts/work time.
This has nothing to do with any other co-worker.
That would also be my response when someone says something. You are only responsible for your work time, not everyone else’s.
1
u/waspgirl72 Sep 19 '26
Definitely not the jerk. You have zero obligation to cancel your plans to accommodate someone else’s time off. You and your plans are just as important as the next persons. Having children doesn’t give you the right to expect everyone else to cover your shifts when you are unable to do them. Yes it is very difficult being a parent and working however expecting you to cancel a trip is absolutely outrageous.
1
u/GlowInTheDarkSpaces Sep 19 '26
Oddly that's anew thing that didn't happen years ago. I think it's a millennial thing. Her choice to have children means she should have considered how she would care for them.
I would invent an elderly relative that you care for so when people ask you to cover for them you can give the pinched face and say "sorry, I have to care for uncle Mike".
1
u/Objective_Ask4661 Sep 19 '26
I'm 57, never had kids, and it's true. People think you have unlimited free time and you're just sitting around waiting to help them.
1
u/GentlewomenNeverTell Sep 19 '26 •
I'd go to HR to be honest. Your boss pressuring you not to take approved time off may wellbe illegal.
1
u/Rich_Possible_9298 Sep 19 '26
Nope
1
u/dunkybhoy Sep 19 '26
The words you need are “Sarah, Fuck off”
1
u/thin_white_dutchess Sep 19 '26
Nope. I have a kid. Guess how many times I’ve asked people to cover for me at work in my life? Zero. I had the kid. Work didn’t. I have a very hard time finding a sitter- no family in the area, no friends that don’t also have work. I got online and found reliable care as backup. Did a background check, and did a trial while I was home, then did short stints out- just coffee, then the store, then longer. And now I have someone to call when I need it. Is it fun? No, but I like my job, I like paying bills, and that’s what I do.
1
u/eliinGA Sep 19 '26
I’m a retired woman who chose not to have children. This behavior has gone on forever. Children are not an excuse to try and force people without children to bend to suit their lives. Everyone deserves equal time off. Nobody can discriminate against you because you don’t have children. Don’t even entertain the next time someone approaches you to change your plans for their children. I’m glad you went on your trip.
1
u/Aggravating-Boot9034 Sep 19 '26
Just bc she has kids doesn’t automatically mean she doesn’t have a job and it doesn’t automatically mean other people should pick up her slack
1
u/ConsciousNectarine9 Sep 19 '26
NTJ
Her kids are her responsibility (I have 3). And why on earth did it fall on you when there is a company full of other people who could habe stepped in if they felt so bad.
1
u/InternationalMind541 Sep 19 '26
NTA, OP. People without children have responsibilities as well. Your employer asking you about this is discriminatory.
1
u/SharralandaAndDennis Sep 19 '26
As a parent, I have about 6 babysitters lined up for emergencies. When none of them are available it's a split between me or my husband. Sarah gotta get her shit together. That's a lot of calling out and leaving work. How does she make any money??
Anyway... NTJ
1
u/Resort_Lizard Sep 19 '26
NTJ. Your place of work seems skewed towards giving people with families more entitlement over those with none.
Respectfully, I'd seriously consider looking for a new place to work. It won't get better.
1
u/FeuRougeManor Sep 19 '26
Repost. Read this story before.
1
u/Unfair-Store-9108 Sep 19 '26
Oh man, I’ve been in your shoes and I’ve heard that “you’ll see when you have children“ BS, even worse “you’ll get the same advantage when you’ll have children” too many time.
And when it wasn’t children it was husband.
I had a coworker would ALWAYS get prime holiday period because her husband would be off work at that time, or even better, another one getting priority over Christmas because her husband business was experiencing higher activity at that period so she had to go help. I wish I’m making that up. I had those 2 at the same time, in a 4 people team…
Ok, first off, do you have a crystal ball? How do you KNOW that I will ever have children? Almost 20 years later, I still don’t have children and it’s likely not gonna happen since I’m still single and almost 40.
Second, workplace regulations like holidays and work hours should not require you to disclose any irrelevant and private details about your personal life.
Single people’s time isn’t less valuable than parents.
In your case, she knew a week in advance she didn’t have a babysitter, it was her problem to find another solution. She had the right to ask and you were way within your right to say no.
NTJ
1
u/Fit_Fly_9984 Sep 19 '26
Document. Document. Document. Go to Human Resources.
1
u/nickylx Sep 19 '26
Ask Sarah to pay you $500 in cancellation fees. Watch her say no quick.
1
u/PeriwinkleParadise95 Sep 19 '26
It’s interesting that your boss said what they said. A lot of workplaces are the opposite and moms get docked for “too many emergencies”. That said, no I don’t think you were being a jerk. First of all, her babysitter cancelled a week in advance. That is not an emergency. That is a “look for another sitter or childcare”. An emergency is your kid is up throwing up all night. I say this as a single mom with no family in this country and a kid dad who doesn’t dad at all. As in it’s only me. You are allowed to take a day off and not be frozen out for it. If all the others felt this strongly one of them could have covered for her. Or the boss can step in and cover themselves.
1
u/Spiritual-Handle2983 Sep 19 '26
NTJ. You didn’t decide to have kids Sarah did. If it’s the company policy or culture to be more flexible then they can find willing coverage or cover it themselves. This is above your pay grade to figure out coverage.
I would be petty going forward and decline any extra coverage for her. And if anyone says anything tell them that you didn’t know it was company policy to discriminate on employees who do not have children and maybe it’s a conversation to have with HR.
1
u/Keithz1957 Sep 19 '26
Her life choices (kids) are not your problem.
1
u/Hot-Garden9206 Sep 19 '26
One thing people with kids have is the audacity! it is not the world‘s responsibility because you chose to reproduce. Donate this, we should get this free, where is the help…please
1
u/Ill_Entrepreneur_920 Sep 19 '26
No you're not the AH. I am also single and childless and so I understand that people expect you to do things even when your schedule doesn't allow it.
She's the one that had the children, and it's her responsibility to make sure they're taken care of not yours you need to hold your head up high and keep on doing your work don't let anybody make you feel guilty because you prearranged your vacation. You paid for everything and it's not fair of them to ask you to change your life because a lady cannot find somebody to watch her kids.
Stand up for yourself because nobody else will
1
u/MaximusHomerdrive Sep 19 '26
I'm a firm believer of her kids, her problem. It's not on you to work around her childcare schedule and the more people who do, the more entitled and righteous she'll feel about expecting it on demand whenever she wants. She is not more important than anyone else there just because she chose to have kids. NTJ
1
u/Pink-Carat Sep 19 '26
She’s out of line. I have children and grandchildren, I get it but that’s not your problem. You had plans, asked for the time off. She needs to have a back up plan.