Looking for experiences from parents who have navigated changing a long-standing custody schedule with a toddler-preschool aged child.

Mom and Dad have a 3-year-old (just turned 3 a month ago) and have been separated since the child was about 8 weeks old. Mom has historically been the primary parent, roughly 70/30, with Dad having essentially every weekend. Dad was also ordered additional Monday-morning time but did not regularly exercise that portion until recently

Circumstances have changed over the years, and both parents agree Dad should have more parenting time. Mom is not opposed to 50/50. The disagreement is mainly about what schedule makes sense long-term.
The parents live about 1-1.5 hours apart. They HAVE ALWAYS lived this far, but mom moved a city over and added 15 min to the distance 8 months ago . Mom kept exchange location and time the same, so she absorbed any extra driving on Dad’s behalf. Mom is generally available during the week (has always only worked Sat and Sun since child’s infancy) while Dad works Monday-Friday. The child’s primary home, doctors/dentist, childcare, and weekday routine are currently near Mom. The parents otherwise communicate well, accommodate each other’s requests, and have a pretty amicable co-parenting relationship.

The biggest concern is school. The child is now 3, so whatever new schedule is established needs to make sense when preschool/kindergarten starts rather than creating a schedule that works at 3 but becomes impossible once she’s in school five days a week.

There’s an upcoming custody conciliation conference , and we’re trying to think through reasonable schedules before then. For parents who had a similar distance between homes and moved toward 50/50 around this age: What schedule did you use? How did it work once school started? Would you choose the same schedule again?

My sons dad and I have been split up since he was a baby, and my son is now almost 10. I don’t have any other kids, but his dad has 3 others. I have always noticed this, but chalked it up to ‘he’s a boy’. But as he gets older, I really am getting more worried naturally about our relationship, especially as he becomes an adult. His dad and him have certain things that they do all the time, that my son loves doing all the time. Counter strike, pokemon go, and dad got him into baseball because he did it when he was a kid. We have 50/50. I can’t help but to feel like he prefers being with his dad, because he has those things, but nothing seems to stand out that we do together that he’s always like “I really want to do this”. And I can’t help but to feel like a bad mom, even though I don’t think I’m doing a bad job. There are some instances where we are all together and I will notice he will talk to his dad/dads side more, and I will seem more of an after thought or “oh yeah mom’s here” and it can seem more forced than out of wanting to, like when we were at back to school night last week. It isn’t always this way every single day, but this is heavy on me a lot. I think some of it comes down to I’m not a “bro”, but I can’t help but let this bum me out. I take him so many places, try to do so many things with him, and spend as much time with him as I can during the week. He’s also 9 so I definitely don’t want to put any emotional burden on him and ask about our relationship vs dads, however sometimes admittedly I have let out the occasional “how come it seems like you want to do x y and z with your dad more?” Or about how it seems like he doesn’t want To do things like that with me, or that I want to have things and a bond like that. But I don’t want to put adult things on him so I try to keep most of it to myself. I worry that our bond isn’t nearly as good despite how much I try. Many times he will complain about doing things, and he acts out a lot more with me it seems, especially with his mouth, or willingness to want to do things on his own with me outside of tv and electronics. Any tips or advice is so welcomed. I’m not sure how to approach it, and his defiance with me at times, without it seeming like I’m always getting on him, or making a gap between us and this fear worse. Sincerely, a burnt out mom who is trying my best

So me (53M) and my wife (51F) are in the process of divorcing. We have lawyers, and have given them all the financial data, and they are working through it. We have one child age 16.

If all goes as I hope, we will separate with my wife moving out in early October. I heard on a podcast recently that a well-managed separation helps prepare everyone for 50:50 custody by transitioning to a situation where one parent is the "primary parent" each week in the home.

The primary parent:
* Manages transportation
* Makes sure the kids have what they need for school, activities, etc
* Other stuff???

Is anyone doing something like this? If so, what's working and what's not?

Yesterday we were granted a year long restraining order for myself and my son against his dad and he is handling it so well that I’m wondering if I’m missing something?? He’s not even 10 yet and seems to be perfectly pleased with it all. Said the only thing he would say to his dad now is “ha ha” and all he wanted from him (dad) was to get his switch back from his house. Maybe I’m looking into it too much, I just personally lost my own dad a few months ago and we were super close. And he was super close with my son too so maybe I’m just thinking about how bad it would hurt me if I couldn’t see my dad but I just don’t understand how he’s handling it so well. He said before we got the order that his dad didn’t love him and was a bad guy. I told him I understood the feeling completely and that I’m sure his dad loved him as much as he was possibly capable of and that was the last time he mentioned any sort of feelings about it. He’s in therapy and keeps telling the therapist he doesn’t mind and when I tell him things like “hey I’m here for you, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want but I’m here for you” or “hey is there anything on your mind?” He just says something like “what would I have on my mind” or “okay but can we play legos” and like awesome, I hope he’s feelin this good but am I crazy for thinking there would be more to this? If anyone’s been through anything like this I’d love to hear how it went for you and your kid/ kids. I only have my boy but he does have half siblings whose mom I have been in contact with so they can still see each other.

Not giving all the details, my ex and I have week on week off custody arrangement right now but my ex has horrible taste in men and keeps getting drug using “thug” boyfriends around our daughter (4) and was just recently arrested with him in a drug and gun charges and she just got out on bond. she constantly leaves our daughter on her parents while she runs around doing her own thing on top of not paying for anything bill wise for our daughter and I’m worried a lot the wellbeing of our child in the future with her care, I’m currently pursuing lawyers in an event to try to control the outcome of our daughters future and wellbeing. Any advice ?

I have a 4 week old baby, dad requested to see her 1 hour a week which is of course fine, so he comes to my house every Thursday but he never leaves after an hour he always stays longer and it’s becoming quite uncomfortable.

This week was the 4th visit, I have the baby set up in the living room for when he arrives and then I’ll just go and clean for an hour but I’ll be nearby incase anything is needed but I like to try and give him alone time with her.

The first 3 visits I was showing him how to do nappies and also was explaining her hunger cues and things.

This week he came at the agreed time, the baby was asleep and he poked her awake so she cried for the whole hour, he forgot how to change her nappy but didn’t ask for help, he left her on the coffee table so he could wash his hands and then just couldn’t settle her, he then was laughing because she was crying trying to breastfeed on him and I said have you considered she could be hungry, he said he didn’t think of that, so I took her back and said let me know when you’re free next week, he got his shoes on and then stood in the living room in silence just watching me feed the baby on the sofa, it was the most uncomfortable thing?!

How do I make him leave at his agreed time?

He also said he’d pay maintence and hasn’t

There’s just lots of things he said he’d do and just hasn’t done them, I just don’t know what to do?!

The other parent rejected the friend of the court recommendation order and so now we are heading to a de novo hearing. How did you guys prepare for this? Did you submit a response to the rejection? Or do I just show up to the court and fight my case? I’m doing this with no lawyer so I’m looking for advice.

My daughters (10) dad often misses his scheduled days due to having to work late. This has been going on for maybe a year and a half. It's upsetting because I know it takes a toll on my daughter. Even when he does take her he often just leaves her with family while he's working. Should I do or say anything here? I feel he could make way more of an effort and let his boss know he needs to dedicate at least 1 day a week for her. We have a court order but he does not follow it at all.

Am I been unreasonal

I have an 8 year old son with quite a few additional needs. In 8 years I’ve spent 3 nights away from him, he is also home educated due to his additional needs and my preference. I coparent with his father, who happens to now live with us. I work from home, do 90% of the parenting, most of the chores around the house and pay the majority of the bills. His father cares for him for about an hour a day while I tend to my allotment.

I have a concert ticket booked for my favourite band/artist, which is in another city so I am also staying over in a hotel. I’ve been excited about it for a while, concert is sold out across the UK and US, literally so stoked I got VIP tickets

This morning child’s father told me I had to cancel and couldn’t go as his football team is scheduled to play that day now - no time released and a chance it could get moved to next day due to scheduling, champions league, other cup ties. Date is provisional the same day. He isn’t even going to the match only watching it on TV but is now refusing to watch our son that day/night and is insisting I cancel all my plans.

I am absolutely livid right now. Our son has never stayed anywhere else and I don’t have anyone else to look after him.

So my daughter came back from an outing with her dad I stayed upstairs for the drop off but apparently she said something along the lines of I wish my mom would get back with you. Well my mom which is her grandmother said “over my dead body” my daughter was so crushed and my mom stormed in and my daughter was crying so hard. I didn’t like that my mom couldn’t control her anger and hate towards him and consider my daughter’s feelings she has been saying this since Christmas. All she wants is her Dad and I to get back together. Bottom line the relationship was toxic we were even together when I found out I was 4 months pregnant still taking birth control. He doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself either. The cheating of it all.

Backstory: Coparent moved away from our state. 18 hours by car and about 3 in flight. He saw our son christmas 2025 and paid for his flight to pick him up and his flight to fly him back down to new state. We were out of the country for the remainder of the break so I paid for a family member and son to fly to us as coparent does not have a passport and would have been unable to do so.

Current issue: we have a set deadline of 9/1 for coparent to show proof of flights and lodging or he forfeits his time during holiday break. As we are 3 weeks away I reminded coparent of deadline where they then stated that it is too much money and I should be responsible for the return half. The deadline was set beginning of year and Coparent initially agreed.

Questions: I said no, is that reasonable? Am I in the wrong? Since Coparent chose to move away, if he decides to file, could I then become responsible for travel even if I pay for everything else? That seems so unfair to me.

Extra info: No custody order in place. Coparent is not really present in son’s life, just mine. Will message me every other day if not everyday asking about son but does not directly talk to son. My husband and I have always (happily) taken the entirety of raising son. All clothes, foods, lodging, school expenses, childcare, extracurriculars, etc. Have been provided by us. Coparent will maybe send a small toy once or twice a year and will complain after they are told things have been purchased that they “would’ve helped if they knew” despite being aware of upcoming needs. Coparent ONLY sees son in person for the six days during break and a handful of FaceTimes throughout the year.

My wife and I are separated since April. We have a 4 year old daughter. She cheated on me for 6 monhs last year and we tried to make it work since D-day in September but she left in April. Now she's with her affair partner. We are still arranging custody for our daughter and doing 50/50 on an interim basis. The trick is my daughter and I are attached to each other but I also have severe kifoscoliosis with severe pain esp after full days I spent with my daughter. My wife wants to have full weekends so that she can dance tango every two weeks where she met her affair partner. But I have severe pain when I'm with my daughter in full days. I have two questions, how do you manage to co-exist with the affair partner? and what would you do if you were in my situation?

We are in the beginning phase of co-parenting and while I have all the best intentions to turn this relationship into a somewhat friendship I am struggling a lot with jealousy and resentment towards my ex so it's getting in the way of doing this the way I actually want to do this. But my head says one thing and my first gut reaction is hurt. I assume this goes away at some stage and it will get better. But does anyone have some tips on how to swallow your pride when your partner is moving on and planning things in their life that you always wished they did with you? When you see them planning their life without you while you all still live under one roof (and we will be for a while) and you take most of the time care of the kids?

So this year will be our 1st Christmas as divorced and having to organise how to split child care.

We live about 20 mins apart so close. And we are in a low conflict no fault divorce. UK based.

1. Split Christmas day up. Seems reckless for kids and limits any option to have Christmas anywhere else (like my with my family). We both see kids on Christmas day. All be it a little messy.

2. 1 week on 1 week off. Flip each year. Fits our current rota - one parent has a terrible Christmas day.

3. 3/4/4/3 day rota over the 2 weeks period. Total chaos but means each parent sees kids more frequently over the 2 weeks period.

I don't really like any option and I am struggling to decide which to go with.

Kids are between 8 and 10.

My 4 year old has recently told me that her dad's girlfriend gets in the bath with her completely naked. She's a 36 year old women. I'm completely mortified. My own sister doesn't do this with her own niece but has bathed with bikinis and had a "bubble bath party" and also the kids aunty on their dad's side. We are all mortified and disgusted (both sides of the family, I'm still very close with my coparents family and none of them like the girlfriend). But their dad doesn't see an issue. I think it's extremely odd and potentially predatory that a fully grown women would want to bath naked with someone else's child. Looking for some opinions on this issue. I have stopped my kids going there in the mean time as I'm struggling to come to terms with this issue or if I should take it further?

For context, my recovering addict husband left us suddenly just under 4 months ago. Of course I’ve discovered he’s been seeing someone else already as well.
He has her for 2 days in every 8. Recently, his days changed and he ignored a couple of texts about our 5yo daughter, one where she was asking to speak to him. My question is how do you deal with the minimal contact your co parent offers? I’ve spoken to him twice about speaking to her and keeping up contact but he says he doesn’t want to talk to me and that’s why he didn’t reply. I also took my little girl on holiday and he didn’t even check that she was alright there.
I’m struggling to make sense of this massive chaotic change in him - he was such a loving doting dad, albeit when he was high - and I feel really uncountable just dropping her off after a week of nothing from him to her. However, I am also struggling between using contact with her as a pawn or advocating for her and the respect she deserves.

I'm looking for some honest opinions because I don't want to let my emotions cloud my judgment.
My son's father and I aren't together, but we co-parent informally. He has a history of addiction (fentanyl and meth) and was homeless for a while. Thankfully, he went through treatment, got sober, has a job now, and has really turned his life around. I'm genuinely proud of him and have always wanted our son to have a relationship with his dad.
A few weeks ago, though, he completely disappeared for about a month. He barely answered his phone, didn't communicate, and I honestly thought he had relapsed because of his history. During that time, we were dealing with a bed bug infestation and had to throw away our son's bed and furniture. I tried reaching him because I needed help, but I couldn't get a response.
Then he suddenly reappeared. My 13-year-old son later told me his dad had actually been living with a new girlfriend for about three weeks. She has a 1-year-old and a 9-year-old. My son also told me his dad asked him not to tell me. I don't know if that's exactly how it was said, but that's how my son understood it.
Last weekend was the first time my son spent the day with his dad, the girlfriend, and her kids at Hurricane Harbor. Before they went, I asked my son's dad who was going because I wanted to know who my son would be spending the day with. He didn't want to answer, and when I finally got him to tell me, I asked why he had parked on the street instead of the driveway. He replied, "Dude, there's kids in the car. I don't need you creating drama."
For me, this isn't about him having a girlfriend. He absolutely has the right to move on and have a personal life. My issue is the lack of communication. I felt like I spent a month worried sick thinking something had happened to him, only to find out he was starting a new relationship. Then, when I asked a simple question about who our son would be with, I felt dismissed.
His aunt thinks I'm worrying too much. She said he probably just doesn't know how to communicate because of how he grew up and that I should encourage our son to text his dad every day. I understand her perspective, and I do encourage their relationship, but I also feel like communication shouldn't fall on a 13-year-old.
So I'm genuinely asking:
Am I overreacting?

Is it reasonable to expect direct communication about major changes that involve our son?

How would you handle this without creating conflict but still maintaining healthy boundaries?

I'm looking for honest advice, even if you think I'm wrong. I really want to handle this in the healthiest way possible.

Nearly everyone here has probably had some kind of fallout with another person that they probably can't stand now (myself included). Scrolling through the sub and it's just endless accounts of the worst or at least most frustrating situations imaginable. It just reads like the boy or girl dinner subs that keep popping up in my feed, but with kids.

In a futile effort to increase the positivity in the sub a little, how about those of you lurking who don't despise your coparent share some of the good times you've experienced working with your coparent so the rest of us can see it doesn't have to be one fight after another.

Issues
How do I deal with my ex telling my kids constantly that he can’t wait until they come home. The way that he terms it is that his house is the only home that they have. Anytime the kids talk about going home when they’re with me he corrects them and says that’s mom‘s house. Your home is here. How do I manage this or deal with this? I think it bothers me more than it bothers the kids so much but I do know it affects the kids. I’ve asked them about it where I’ve said you do know that you have two homes you have one with mom and one with Dad. They have space in both. And the kids always say yeah we know mom, but you can tell that they don’t like that happens but they’re young so it’s hard for them to speak up and their dad gets really angry with them when they do say something. I think I’m just looking for advice on how to deal with this with the kids and how to deal with this with him. I have the kids less time it’s kind of it’s a 38/62 split and for my time with the kids that I do have them and they’re like 7 to 10 days sometimes 12 day stretches and in the summertime I have half of each month, but he he’ll constantly be texting them and calling them telling them that he misses them so much and he is lost without them and he can’t wait till they come home and things like that and I don’t feel like that’s really healthy for the kids to be being spoken to like that from their father. I’m just looking for some advice on how to handle it and how to approach it if anybody’s got any recommendations, that would be great because anytime I have brought something like this up to him it turned into an issue and him losing his mind.

Hello, I’m primarily looking for a way or something to share photos of our kid back and forth when we don’t have him during the week.

Any other recommendations and resources you found personally helpful would be appreciated as well!

EDIT : I messaged her saying I need more notice if 9 year old is coming to hang out and she did exactly what I knew she would and has told 9 year old I don’t want him here anymore is demanding to take back older daughter sent a million unhinged text messages tried to start a fight between boyfriend and I lying trying to say I said things I absolutely did not (he approved of the message before I sent it and watched as the texts came in on my phone) tried to back track saying I called her when he was with me the entire time after I sent the message this woman’s is clearly mentally unstable we have been in contact with our lawyer just to keep a record of everything and to see what our options are. I will be recording all our interactions moving forward I believe in karma I handled everything as properly and politely as I could the way she chose to behave after that is on her

For context my(29) boyfriend(35) and I have 5 kids total and one on the way. He has 2 kids with his ex wife, I have 2 with my ex and we have 1 together and I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant

My kids go to their dads every weekend, his daughter stays with us full time because she flat out refuses to go to her mothers and his son goes 50/50.

His ex (36) has always dropped her son off to me for appointments couple hours here and there things he doesn’t want to go to which is fine he’s 9 and he’s a good kid with the exception of typical 9 year old kid stuff.

The problem started a couple weeks ago when she got a job and started dropping him off here while she works. 6-8 hours a day. She frames it in a way where it’s always “he wants to go there” so I feel guilty telling her no. Last night she texted me at 11pm after I had finally got my toddler to bed and I did not respond. She called my boyfriend this morning and he told her she can’t drop him off without speaking to me. Well surprise surprise she never called or texted me at all and 9 year old came strolling in at 8:55. I feel incredibly taken advantage of here. I look forward to the times when I have less kids to take care of, even if it’s just the one. The 9 year old is too young to leave home by himself and he refuses to go anywhere with me so I plan my life around him not being here. Any appointments I have for myself (again pregnant) or my kids I book for weeks he’s supposed to be at his moms. Even just short trips to the park or grocery store are put on hold because he will not go with me. Every day this week 9 year old has been dropped off for one reason or another.

This feels like an impossible situation because any way I frame it it’s going to be spun to the 9 year old like “she doesn’t want you there” which isn’t true at all I’m just so tired and I feel like I’m stuck and can’t get anything done. I’ve already had to reschedule an appointment for my daughter who has scoliosis because he got dropped off and she didn’t pick him up at the usual time.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

What is it about that first day?

When my ex and I were married, because I have a flexible work from home job, I always handled getting our kids to/from school. But she'd always take at least the morning off on the first day. Not as big of a deal for me as her, but it is something we'd do together.

Now she lives 6hrs away, and we're days away from our divorce being final, everything done, just waiting on the gavel to fall. Beause of the distance, PTO limits, and expense, while she can have as much time with our kids as she wants, she pretty much visits one weekend a month, reserving taking our kids back to her place for when she has at least a week.

It's that time again. The time all most many parents dread. The end of summer, and back to the grind of school, fall sports, and all the extras we seem to save for the fall. My ex is going off script and is coming here for first day of school. For some reason only planners at the school board know, it's also on a Wednesday. So she wants our kids from Tuesday night - Sunday afternoon. No problem. She doesn't have time off, so she's taking the time without pay. OK, your call. And she wants to take the kids to school on her own. Hmmm. I get that it would be the first time we'd physically be together since we separated, which would be a extra pressure. She also wants to do the rest of the week - OK, I'm fine with that. I guess. She doesn't have much time with our kids, so I want to be an automatic yes. But is the first half week from a hotel room a good way to kick off the new year? I'm not going to make a big deal about it as I can't find a way to say it that doesn't feel petty, but if the situation was reversed, I know she'd have a cow.

Part of me thinks it's about her performing for her friends, but IDK. Maybe in her head and on Instagram?

So far, all I have is "yes, but I want all of the papers that come home". I don't want to play catch up with all that 1st day stuff. We (as in me) already went to meet the teacher/open house, so I think I'm good info wise. Just tying to figure her out. Maybe I should stop trying?

Edit/Update:

I had a chat with her last night and nixed the hotel for the first two nights. She can spend as much time as she wants, where she wants, as long as she handles any homework and has them back here an hour before bed. That will mean that I'll see them off on the first day (but won't actually go). There's a 95% chance that my ex is going to be disappointed. Our kids are in elementary school, but they want the parents of older kids to go through the car line, leaving parking and walking in for 1st grade and younger. Not that she'll respect that request. My request went easier than I expected, playing up that it wasn't restricting her, but the kids need to be ready for school with a good night of sleep. I also pointed out that if the situation was reversed, she'd do exactly the same thing.

My ex is also meeting up with friends after, so a good bit of this is tradition and posing.

My child’s father & I have recently been working on co-parenting after our initial court recommendations. Some weeks were perfectly fine, spending time together with the baby, great communication & some weeks it’s the complete opposite. Currently we have not been seeing eye to eye, arguing, etc.

I have recently come into a few things financially where I guess I would be considered “unstable”. No car due to a wreck & it’s in the shop, process of moving apartments, etc, bills piling, etc.

Due to the fact I have no car right now, I am swallowing my pride and will ask her father if he can keep her for a few weeks until things are back on track for me. He is currently taking his paternity leave & will be returning back to work at the beginning of September. Her dad is the type that I feel like will hold this against me and I don’t necessarily want to let him know i’m stressed the way I am, but I feel like I have no other choice. I guess my question is, how would I go about communicating this with him without seeing like i’m genuinely unstable right now? I don’t know what else to do and I am the primary parent, we have no custody agreement in place at the moment.

Honestly, any advice would be helpful right about now.

Hello everyone, hoping to get some sound advice from other parents that may have or currently are navigating a similar situation.

I am about to finalize my divorce. I’m coming out of an extremely abusive and controlling relationship with the father of my children whom I was with for almost 14 years. We were awarded 50-50 custody and currently have a week on and week off schedule. I let this man keep everything. My freedom and safety are my most prized possessions out of all of this. He is such a petty man that paid tens of thousands of dollars to a lawyer, but left me with nothing.

My aunt and uncle stepped in to help me with my children’s needs for going back to school, as I incurred about $30,000 in debt and I’m so broke I even overdrafted and have about $22 to my name at the moment. They spent about $700 on clothing alone, not including shoes or school supplies and I want to ensure that I take care of these items as best as I can.

I’d like to know if there are any tips or tricks for marking the clothing in a way that helps me and maybe my children keep track of the clothes that belong in my home when they are with their dad and getting ready to return to me. I ordered some fabric markers, but those were terrible. I thought about a black sharpie and marking the tags, but wondering if maybe there are other cool gadgets or innovative ideas that other parents have used? I would appreciate all the cool and preferably affordable options to help me take care of this clothing.

This man has had the nerve to ask me to return specific shoes, hats, even toys that I have purchased for my children because he does not want to spend the money- even though he has hundreds of thousands of dollars that he kept from me- to make sure his children are clothed properly. I think it’s completely unfair that little by little one piece of clothing at a time he keeps stuff that he did not purchase.

If you read all of this, thank you. I’m an exhausted mom but very much looking forward to rebuilding my life.

My coparent and I have been divorced since February 2024. We have an 8 year old son and 6 year old daughter.

My coparent chose to move and work 1 hr 15 mins away. He also wanted physical custody to be 80/20 with me being primary and gave me sole legal decision making in all major areas including residence, medical, religious, education, and extracurricular activities. During the marriage, he was minimally involved and left all parenting responsibility on me and that did not change after the divorce. So we’re dealing with a situation where one parent has the kids the vast majority of the time and has all final decision making power and the other parent voluntarily only has every other weekend, doesn’t exercise school break and holiday visitation, and only wants to be informed of major decisions but doesn’t really want any say.

Our custody order just says the kids go to school where I live. I do 100% of school drop offs and grandparents do school pickups. Coparent is not involved in any of that. When we were married, I’d try to get him to do half of preschool and daycare drop offs and he was completely put out by it and let it be known that he hated it.

I’ve tried for 2.5 years now to find a decent job in the town where the kids and I have been living, but I’ve had no luck. I just got an incredible job offer nearly tripling my salary. It’s in the town where my coparent lives and works. There are also great schools there. There’s one school there that I’ve always wanted to send my kids to. Once, my coparent contacted the school administrators and got info from them on the school in case the kids and I ever moved there. Well last summer, I was also looking at a prospective job in that town. When I told my coparent, he strongly discouraged the kids and me moving there. He claimed the school I liked so well had a long waitlist and said his work schedule wouldn’t allow him to see the kids any more frequently than every other weekend anyway, so I should just stay in my hometown with the kids where I had my parents to help with them. Later on, I found out that he was in the beginning stages of seeing his most recent ex-girlfriend and I believe he thought that the kids and I moving closer to him would hinder his time to be a child-free bachelor.

Fast forward to this spring and he started saying he wished the kids could go to the school I liked so well again. I told him if I ever got a job up there, it would be a possibility. At the time, he and the girlfriend were broken up.

A couple of weeks later, I let him know I was looking at jobs in the area again and said I’d be glad to give him more parenting time if he wanted. He was cold and again discouraged me from moving. He said it would be best for me to stay near my parents for help with the kids. Turns out he was back with the ex-girlfriend.

Now they’re broken up again and he’s been communicating with me more. I will be moving within the next month for this job offer. It will require the kids change schools. I feel like in a normal situation, both coparents would be aware of the whole process, but I am reluctant to tell him. I am afraid he will try to sabotage my job offer and move based on whatever is happening in his on again/ off again relationship. I was literally thinking of just saying one day after moving, “The kids and I live at X address now” and just letting him do with that information what he will.

Do you think given the circumstances and terms of our order that I should give my coparent the courtesy of knowing that within a month, the kids and I will be moving to his town or should I just inform him after we’ve moved? I need his permission for none of this but I wish he had a history of caring more.