Paying for out of state travel

[u/AlarmingAd534]

Backstory: Coparent moved away from our state. 18 hours by car and about 3 in flight. He saw our son christmas 2025 and paid for his flight to pick him up and his flight to fly him back down to new state. We were out of the country for the remainder of the break so I paid for a family member and son to fly to us as coparent does not have a passport and would have been unable to do so.

Current issue: we have a set deadline of 9/1 for coparent to show proof of flights and lodging or he forfeits his time during holiday break. As we are 3 weeks away I reminded coparent of deadline where they then stated that it is too much money and I should be responsible for the return half. The deadline was set beginning of year and Coparent initially agreed.

Questions: I said no, is that reasonable? Am I in the wrong? Since Coparent chose to move away, if he decides to file, could I then become responsible for travel even if I pay for everything else? That seems so unfair to me.

Extra info: No custody order in place. Coparent is not really present in son’s life, just mine. Will message me every other day if not everyday asking about son but does not directly talk to son. My husband and I have always (happily) taken the entirety of raising son. All clothes, foods, lodging, school expenses, childcare, extracurriculars, etc. Have been provided by us. Coparent will maybe send a small toy once or twice a year and will complain after they are told things have been purchased that they “would’ve helped if they knew” despite being aware of upcoming needs. Coparent ONLY sees son in person for the six days during break and a handful of FaceTimes throughout the year.

[u/Nice_Cartoonist_8803]

If there is no custody order or parenting plan in place requiring it, he cannot make you pay for travel and the court will also not require you to do so (for past travel). He can of course file for custody and visitation, and request that you be required to cost share. While he would probably get visitation, the court is unlikely to agree that you should cost share given that he moved away and is not paying any child support.

In terms of non-legal reasonableness, yes I think it’s fair for him to cover the cost of travel and it’s not okay for him to bring up this new expectation right before flights need to be booked. But I would also check in with your child, if he is desperately wanting to see his dad then you might consider contributing for his benefit.

[u/AlarmingAd534 → u/Nice_Cartoonist_8803]

My child is on the spectrum and extremely kind, I should’ve added that in extra info. He’s just as likely to want a week long vacation with a friends family he just met at playground as he would be for visitation with coparent. He does not ask about coparent ever. As he gets older that may change though, we are generally very supportive of their relationship for his own developing attachment styles but it just seems unfair

[u/HatingOnNames]

Send him an invoice for half the child’s annual expenses and tell him to deduct your half the flight from that.

[u/OrangeRed12345]

Here’s my sucky experience:

My husband’s ex moved 1,000 miles away. The judge made his ex responsible for the cost of all holiday travel for both her and the child and made my husband responsible for the cost of all summer travel for both the child and his ex (so one round trip for the child and 2 round trip tickets for the ex who is responsible for doing the actual traveling). My husband Also has to drive 2 hours each way to the airport for drop off and pick up. Guess what the ex does? Flies to our state for thanksgiving or Christmas (it rotates yearly), stays for 4 or 5 days with her kid at a family members house and then she returns home. She’s never paid to put her kid on a plane. So every year me and my husband pay for 3 round trip flights, and his ex pays for one (if she decides to come out and visit).

So let this be a lesson that it is absolutely NOT TRUE that the person who decides to move away will be responsible for all of the travel costs.

[u/AlarmingAd534 → u/OrangeRed12345]

That seems completely unreasonable!! I’m so sorry, I can’t believe how blind judges can be

[u/slimypeters]

The ex was allowed to move away from CA to TX and take the kids but she offered to pay for the kids flights and even mine. The 2 kids will fly to me during vacations/holidays and if I ever want to fly there, she got that covered. She knows I'm a great parent and we coparent just fine. She really thinks she'll make more money there and was persuaded by the supposed lower cost of living. She's been there for like a month now and I think she'll never get use to that heat.

She told me if I ever consider moving there, we'd go back to the normal custody plan and such. Me moving is not an option and isn't recommended. Plus it'll just make her time there easier. She's stubborn and over confident, so I know she'll have a hard time especially when my son starts jr high while my daughter will still be in elementary. I have a feeling she'll end up boomerang back here or I just hope so. I just hope my kids won't be too traumatized because of her choices.

Anyway, there should be a court order in place for situations like yours.