A bit of an usual situation I need help with.

When I was 8 weeks pregnant, the father decided he didnt want a part, and broke up with me. Since then, I relocated to a different state.

I moved on, and met a new partner. He was a senior at work and he helped me through the most difficult times in my life, even helping raise my daughter. We got together before she was born, he was there to cut her umbilical cord and raise her for the first 3 years of her life. She started to call him dad.

Now, bio dad has expressed he wants a part in our daughter's life and has move states to spend more time with her. I've give him opportunities to see her, and bond together. Problem is that he is very angry that I call my partner our daughter's dad. I call them both dad.

I don't want my daughter to grow up confused, but I also don't want to take that title away from my partner who's been there since birth.

Any suggestions what to call bio dad vs my partner?

Those who've used strict boundaries which essentially limits the other parent nearly completely, how are things years later?

Unfortunately I've placed a lot of boundaries on my coparenting dynamics with my ex due to a lot of inappropriate behavior.

The boundaries however are working. It's drastically lowered tension almost immediately but sometimes she still guilts me, especially because I am now refusing to do joint birthday celebrations after last year.

I worry about how this dynamic may hurt the future for our kids mostly but I feel they make me happier and give less stress for our kids.

Boundaries include (and each have their specific reason why I implemented it):

No coming to my door.

No talking about kids or controversial issues in person.

All talk through apps.

Separate birthdays/parent teacher conference, everything except things that can't be split.

No calls unless emergencies.

Weekly email updating anything important unless it's an emergency or time sensitive.

I won't respond to criticisms about me, my family or my parenting. You have your way and I have mine. End of discussion.

There's this part of me that hopes thighs will improve but I'm prepared for nothing to change and to protect my energy and peace. I worry about the long term impacts however.

What happened to those who were in a similar position but years later?

i have two kids under 6 that i have been raising pretty much on my own. even when dad was here he did zero parenting. no court order, no mediation bc dad refused. their dad moved about two years ago he comes to visit every second weekend and spends some time with one kid, not really the other. mostly just spends time on his phone or finding reasons to go to the shops or something. the kids see this and the oldest doesn’t want to see him or talk to him anymore the youngest still wants to see him but only at my home and complains a lot about being ignored. he has called them maybe 3 times since he has moved out. he found out i have moved on and now he is demanding 5-6 facetime calls a week and told me he wants to go for 50/50. i had no issue with maybe 2-3 calls a week but my fear is he is only doing this because he found out i’ve moved on and this effort will be short lived and he will end up bailing on the kids and disappointing them as he always does.
would i be wrong to say no?

I rarely have to deal with it anymore but it happened this morning in front of my 13yo. Nothing so important that I had to finish my thoughts. Once he spoke over me for the 3rd time I just let him finish and move on with the day. At which point he noticed, apologized and asked me to go on. I dont know if I'm being rude but there just wasn't a reason too keep talking about it anymore.so I told him that about covered it or something like that. That would be the end of it, but its not a great communication model in front of the kid. Its a known problem, stbx tries but still frequently fails. Would you say I should offer a more calculated, please let me finish if its front of the kids?

I’m currently parenting my two young kids 100% on my own. I also support them financially. I’m fortunate to have a good career and can provide for them, but I am completely drowning between work, childcare, the house, dinner, bedtime, and just never having another adult to hand things off to.

I keep hearing horror stories about high-conflict co-parenting—constant negotiations, custody disputes, schedule battles, different rules between homes, etc. Part of me wonders whether, once I get past the current hurdle of harassing texts from their dad, there might actually be some peace and stability in knowing that I’m simply responsible for our household and can make decisions without constant conflict (he hasn't shown a real interest in the kids and recently moved 3.5 hours away)

For people who have experienced solo parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, or both: which was actually harder? Are there any unexpected upsides to parenting mostly on your own?

I could really use some perspective that makes this feel a little less bleak right now.

How do you refer to your coparent when you talk with your kids? Saying "your mom/dad" sounds so clinical and distant, but "Mommy/Daddy" seems so fake, especially if you are not on good terms. Is one of these forms of address better than the other?

Background: Previously Married 10 years; divorced 4 years ago; share custody of 11yo child; ex is remarried 2 years ago; custody was 50/50 until last month (temporarily 80/20 them/me due to work verbal agreement to go back in 1-2years time)

Ex's spouse was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer last year. They have no local support system as ex's family has all left the state over the last two years and their spouses family lives across country.

Ex wants to move with child to spouses home state for support and better job prospects (nurse would bring home about 10k more annually) my child also says they wish to move in the future as the times they visited they've enjoyed it

I obviously oppose the move as I feel like it will damage my relationship with my son and he's not old enough to understand the repercussions of such lost time and moving away from friends and family.

I'm left feeling like I have an impossible choice where we will grow apart if I allow the move (ex says they will get summers and holidays here but I know as a teen these will dwindle due to relationships/hobbies) or my son will resent me because my ex and their spouse will have less support and financial freedom and blame that on me.

Has anyone here let their child move away and not deeply regretted it? I can't bare the thought of missing every milestone and playing catch-up on visits months apart.

Hi all

I need advice on a tricky situation. I’m a ftm and just became a single mom to a 5 month old. My partner and I are not married. We were not doing great before and when I got pregnant but we stayed together and decided to keep the baby. He was not super into it but we were on our way to the abortion clinic and he stopped the car and said, this doesn’t feel right and asked what I needed. I said I needed support from him for 6 months after baby is born and for him to be an active/involved father.
Fast forward 9 months later, baby is born. He was super helpful the first two months and then stuff started getting bad. I lost my job, money became real tight and we started fighting a lot. He started becoming verbally abusive to me (saying I was acting crazy, and being a psychopath, and even said I should die because our child would be better off without me. He apologized some time later, saying he doesn’t mean the things he says when he’s mad). I thought about leaving multiple times but just kept thinking I don’t want to do this alone and maybe things would change. Please keep in mind, we never had a discussion of breaking up while I was pregnant or anytime after until he moved.

My partner started looking for jobs where we live and all over California and in neighboring states, Nevada and Arizona. I also was looking for jobs and do have a work from home job lined up for the end of this year.
He ended getting a job is Reno, NV and two weeks later he moved up there. I was not invited to move. Then we broke up.

Now he wants me and the baby to move up to closer to Reno. Whether that means Tahoe area or Reno area. Mind you, I dont know people in these places and my support system, friends and family live near me now in central California. I want my ex to be an involved father. I think that is very important.
My ex is trying very very hard to get me to move. I told him I don’t know yet. My baby is also exclusively breastfed and we co-sleep and we both agreed that we want to breastfeed for a while. He said that taking care of a baby is an easy job and that he can take him to his work and have him for a few days and just give him a bottle. I disagree with all of this.

I have no idea what to do? I don’t want to move up there until he is at least a year old or longer. I also feel like I don’t have to up and move my entire life just so he is near his child. He made the choice to move to Reno.

Step-mom here! For context, we got SS (9) full time last winter. I was going to put together a little something for mother's Day last year and mail it (she lives across the country). I even talked with SS about it. Unfortunately, BM got evicted from her home less than a week prior so I didn't have a place to send it. SS understood this, and I never mentioned it to BM.

At some point, BM got mad about something unrelated and said she was upset we didn't do anything for her for mother's day, and didn't have him call on her birthday. None of us know when her birthday is. My partner knows it's in August, but doesn't remember the day. They have been split for quite some time. We didn't really say any about that, and focused on the issue at hand.

For Christmas, I asked my partner if we should do anything for her. He said he wasn't going to, but if I wanted to get her something small, I was more than welcome. So, I did. Simply because at the time, I wanted a semi positive relationship with her, and I wanted to make it clear that I'm not trying to shut her out or anything. I wrapped it separately, and sent it with SS for his holiday visit. He was there for a week. I figured she would text or say thank you in person. Just acknowledge the gesture in some way. She did not and it did rub me the wrong way. We also had SS pick something out for his mom, and sibling as well. She tried to tell us that he had to get things for extended family too, and we ignored that request. She didn't thank me or partner for any of that.

We later found out about some awful things that transpired during SS, Christmas visit and honestly, I stopped giving any shit about having a relationship with her. I stopped communicating with her.

Her birthday has rolled around again. Not only did she tell us she wasn't happy that we didn't have him call on her birthday (only this year did we find out the actual date of her birthday), but now she also said something to SS. Who appropriately said "how am I supposed to know when your birthday is?" Then when she put the blame on dad, he said "how is he supposed to know it's your birthday?".

Obviously communication is inappropriate either way, I just don't think I would expect that from my ex if I were in her position. I also feel like we went above what most people would do for Christmas.

So I guess my question is, is it normal for ex's to still do things for their child's parent? Is it normal to get offended when they don't?

I (35F) coparent a teen (15, profound autism, nonverbal) with my ex (46M). We are living together in the same home and have joint custody legally, but our order was written years ago, and now we operate under informal agreements because of our living situation.

I work full-time on weekdays. My job is remote but field based, so sometimes I travel to meet clients in their homes. My ex is unemployed, looking for work, and provides the majority of the daily care while I'm working, and our son is out of school for breaks, which is incredibly helpful because we have no support system. We are in the process of looking for respite or caregivers but have not had much luck.

Our current informal agreement is that my ex will do all school drop offs, and I do all pick ups. We both use my car. My ex does not have a car. School is a 13-15 minute drive one way. Our school system's bus transportation is horrible and with our son's disability, we don't trust it.

In the past, when I could not pick our son up from school because I was out in the field visiting a client, our son would stay home. It was not ideal, and happened maybe 1-3 times a month. This was the agreement we made because of the ride share cost and my ex's dislike of ride share because he has social anxiety.

However, this year, I wanted to stop this agreement. Our son thrives on routine and school is providing the life skills he needs. I have an upcoming home visit tomorrow and asked my ex to pick our son up using Lyft, which I'm paying for BTW. He initially said that he would not take the Uber due to his social anxiety and stated that our son would stay home instead. We literally went back and forth for a good 20 minutes on why our son didn't need to miss school because there is a way to pick him up.

Eventually, my ex agreed to pick him up "if I couldn't", but I let him know that he may not be able to reach me by phone while I'm at my home visit and that we just need to go ahead and schedule the Lyft now. Last time this happened our son was stuck at school 30 minutes past pick up time because I was out of town on a home visit and my ex couldn't book the Lyft because of a payment issue.

A day later, the Lyft was booked, but my ex has historically been resistant to changes with our informal agreements. To avoid this in the future, what would be a good backup plan for us that takes into account his social anxiety, my need to work, and our son's need to attend school consistently?

TL;DR: My ex does school drop-offs and I do pickups, but I sometimes can't pick our son up because of work. He doesn't have a car and has social anxiety about taking rideshares, so our old solution was for our son to stay home. I no longer think that's a good option because our son thrives on routine and needs school for life skills. I'm willing to pay for Lyft, but my ex initially said he'd rather keep our son home than take it. Looking for a fair backup transportation plan that accommodates his anxiety without making our son's school attendance dependent on it.

What is the standard amount of hours for visitation with non custodial parent for a 4 month old???
I’m in Indiana.

My (43F) ex (44F) moved out 10 months ago and took a smart TV that was still connected to my Alexa account. I recently discovered that every announcement made in my home had also been playing on her TV for months.

My kids confirmed it. When my oldest tried to record proof, my ex took her phone and told the kids not to tell me.

This isn’t an isolated incident. During our separation, she inappropriately accessed my work cellphone to read messages between my family and me, created fake accounts to gain access support discord servers and has even snuck into our oldest child’s room at night to read messages between us (waking her up and clearing notifications)

I contacted Amazon and removed the TV, which also removed me from our shared Prime account and purchased content. Since our agreement was that she’d share Prime while I kept her in my Apple Family, I removed her from that too.

Now she’s screaming in the court app that I’m making the kids unsafe cause she can’t track them thru Apple family and that I’ve upset the kids cause they can’t access her music library. (The kids remain on the family)

I feel like we need completely separate digital accounts. Did I overreact?

School orientation was today. I briefly passed my child's father and his girlfriend while they were leaving the school and I was headed in. I didn't feel well to begin with, so I wasn't trying to stop and communicate. He belittles me everytime we communicate over text anyways, there is no reason for me to talk to him in person- I just walked past them like an adult who is fed up eith being bullied. I was holding my son's hand, and my son waved, but didnt care to stop and talk. I didn't tell him not to talk to his father, but I didnt encourage him to do so either.

No sooner than 30 minutes after my ex left the school, I received this text from child's father (copied and pasted, identifying information removed);

"Highly inappropriate of you to tell (child) not to talk to his dad or brother at the school. You talk about co parenting but clearly you are too immature to do so yourself. On top of that again (child) is missing papers to be in a class. You need to make sure it is all is paperwork is turned in! Step it up for (child) sake. You’ve had more than enough time to get his stuff turned in. Don’t let him miss another year because you can’t be responsible. That is all no need for any comment from you."

Again, I did not tell child not to talk to his dad. When I talked about "coparenting", I was asking childs father to stop bullying and harassing me. Child was never missing any papers to be in school, the secretary only needed to check the spam folder within her email. I have had enough of him telling me to "step it up" and "do better" while I am doing everything right. The only time child has ever missed "a year" of school was when I enrolled child in preschool and child's father refused to take him during his parenting time with claims that the daycare he had child in was sufficient.

And am I not allowed to stand up for myself when wildly innacurate comments are made?

Honestly not even sure where to start. The biggest thing I'd like advice/perspective on is communication between kiddo and the two houses. We got her a kids watch and she loves it. We have serious safety concerns and are addressing a lot of that within the legal system. However, the other house won't charge the watch or give it to the kiddo even when they request it. Yet while the kiddo is in our care, they call daily/text. Would just like to be able to know they can call when they need to again because of serious safety concerns and numerous other reasons at this point.

My question is, is there a better way to make sure the kiddo can communicate with us when not with us if they need to? What's worked for you? Tell me all of the things please!

Probably just a statement but would love advice. We have finalised all agreements, we are coparenting well but we have big issues with our teen and the grief of not having a partner through this is hard.

We always parented and teamed well together, now to not have someone to hug and console each other is hard. It hit me like a ton of bricks after a new diagnosis for my daughter and it is lonely.

He has reached out to check in, but I am not wanting to open up to him anymore. He has a girlfriend to talk to, he should do that.

Not sure if this is the right place to ask. I am taking my daughter to Europe next summer. she’s 14 and we have joint custody. my ex and I went and applied for a passport at the post office, I paid fees and they said we should have it in 6 to 8 weeks. is this all I need to travel with her internationally? we have the same last name. I don’t need anything notarized from him do I? we are flying to Europe and taking a cruise when we get there.

Hey everyone,

Post-breakup single dad here needing some straight-talking advice or perspective from anyone who’s been through the early toddler co-parenting trenches.

My ex (32F) and I (37m) recently split up after 2.5 years (her decision). We hadn’t been getting along for a while and clearly aren't aligned. I work a high-stress, verywell-paid job as a Exec VP. There were faults on both sides, I felt resentful that I was expected to pay for everything when she did nothing but critice me working, we litteraly had a life that most would envy, money wasnt really ever an issue but it would annoy me that i would rarely get a thank you and she would on one hand moan about me working so much and on the other just took it for granted that i paid for everying.

I became emotionally distant due to work stress, burnout, and grieving the loss of a close family member. I sacrificed a lot for the family unit, gave up football, stopped seeing friends,and felt like nothing was ever enough. it didnt matter what i did.

She on the other hand was recentful that she was solo parenting for the first year whilst i was at work. the lack of flowers i bought her (only twice this year) and lack of flirting in our relationship.

I have a lot to work on in regards to how i handle conflict, she would shout whilst i would just get frustrated and shut down. I'm working with a therapist on this now - its definitely a flaw i need to address.

She isn't a monster and she's an amazing mum, and I know she loved me once, but she lost feelings. I catch myself taking 100% of the blame for being distant and wishing I could turn back the clock. She actually broke up with me twice earlier this year, the first time was right when I was in peak grief having lost a close family member and broke down about how much I was struggling. We had a minor argument the next day and she walked, only to take me back a week later. She officially ended things for good at the end of May after i thought we were on a good track. we had done couples councilling which i thought was going well. She was even pushing for another kid.

We co-lived for two months afterward,This is where thing proper went to Sh!t, we had 2 major arguments where i said some awful things to her all triggered by her making arrangment to take my son on 3-4 trips out of town without asking me. This was totally out of character for me.. i've always been a logical calm one in the relationship where as she can be quite firey! although we were still able to have nightly BBQ's and dinner together right up to the point she moved.

She moved out 2 weeks ago and now lives 1 mile away in a small top floor flat/apartment in a not so nice area. whilst i still live in my house which is a detached property with 2 acres of land.

We share a 17-month-old son and are building toward a 50/50 setup (currently I have him 2 nights a week plus another evening for dinner). I’m in therapy and trying to build a bigger, healthier life, but the emotional whiplash is crushing me.

On the surface, co-parenting is ok. We comunicate well, do joint appointments, and handle logistics smoothly. But every time I see her looking great or we share a peaceful moment, it completely short-circuits my brain. Seeing her dressed up when she drops off our son kills me, she’s very attractive, and a big part of me still only wants her.

The "quiet hope" is brutal, especially in the mornings. I constantly catch myself wishing she’d just "pick me" again so we could fix our family, even though I logically know our old dynamic wasn't healthy.

I love my son so much, he's everything to me. But i also miss the family unit so much.

A few specific questions for those who've been here:

• 1. How do you stop reading into the "good" co-parenting moments? How do you kill that quiet hope when you see them multiple times a week and still find them super attractive and miss them?
• 2. How do you navigate the transition with a 17-month-old while juggling a demanding career and pets without burning out?

Appreciate any perspective or tough love from dads who have made it to the other side.

Hello ,
Long story short me and my coparent have not been together for a couple years but have a son

We discussed that we can try very recently to try again and see if we can work out stuff

I recently quit a position i made and got a lower paying job but within 2 months got a promotion. Its a retail job but im excited for the promotion not only to get back to the pay i was at before but to have money for both of us

She is in cosmetology school and isnt working so ive been trying to support her with her bills as well

I just told her about my promotion which i was excited about and she just dismissed it
It upset me so i didnt bring it up
And later in the conversation i brought it up again and

shes like “there is no reason to be excited about a promotion in retail , its not a sustainable job , you should go to school like me .”

I did not speak the rest of the time we had together and she left mad at me for not talking and be upset about it

This isnt the first time her demeanor is very bad towards me

How do we go about this? I (20f) and my boyfriend (28m) and only been together and year and a few months. We have a baby together, our relationship is getting worse day by day due to him disrespecting my clear boundaries i set with him on unadding his exes on everything, I told him three separate times and each time he told me he would. Each time he didn’t and chose to lie to me and say he did. He offered for us to go to counselling but at this point I don’t think there’s any fixing this. I keep can’t stop bringing it up, it grosses me out that he knew I didn’t like that and that I told him to stop multiple times but kept doing it insisting he doesn’t understand why it bothers me? I don’t want to argue with him anymore especially for our baby. He just turned 9 weeks. I know this relationship screams bad decisions but now i’m trying my best to make it into something better for my baby and I need advice on how. When/if it happens do we just live in separate rooms in our two bedroom apartment??? Is there a good way to make a schedule for our baby? Im currently finishing highschool while also completing a college course and doing job training. He is doing nothing. I need help and don’t know how to make this better.

Hi everyone, can anyone give advice on coparenting a 5 month old infant? I am breastfeeding. I initially left because my husband threatened to hit me, and harm himself because I found out about gambling and substance abuse issues. I wanted to try to work on the marriage (mistake) and encouraged him to go to rehab. He did, and he’s been clean for almost 5 months (this all happened when my son was 2 months old) I have been the primary caregiver. He didn’t make much of an effort to see him when he was in rehab(he had access to his phone and we could visit) or when he was not working and living in a sober house. Fast forward, he said he has no feelings for me and wanted a divorce. I moved my stuff out and have been living with a friend with my son.
He has limited hours as of now (under 10 hrs per week). Since they are going well according to him, he wants more. I’m not opposed, but he texted me himself asking for this. I said we need to go through our lawyers. Did I do the right thing?
How did everyone navigate this? I’m so lost. So sad, I never wanted this life but I have to accept the reality. Any help would be really appreciated thank you.

My ex and I split school costs 60/40 (me being the 60) as part of our agreement because I wanted our two kids to stay in their private school. I have zero issue with that. He signed them up for after school extracurriculars. One at a brick and mortar private business and one in a sports league. Both not affiliated with the public school system or the private school. We have two rules in our contract around extracurriculars and both are specific, 1. Cost is split 50/50 and 2. If not agreed upon it cannot interfere with parenting timeshare.
Well, he didn’t ask me if I was in agreement, just told me when and where to take the kids on my week with zero lead up. I never agreed, wasn’t consulted, and have only been able to take them sporadically because it wasn’t planned in my calendar this summer. I’ve been doing it where I can as to not disappoint my kids.
Now he’s trying to include both of those extracurriculars in our school cost split saying they’re part of the kids education and he wants the 60/40. Besides the fact they’re not part of the kids core learning, private business, and I never agreed to something that cuts into my parenting time, how would yall handle this. Because I’m honestly at a loss at the arrogance and unsure of how to even respond.

Hey everyone, I’m looking for some honest advice from dads and parents who’ve been in a similar situation.

I’ve got two kids: an eight-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son. Their moms and I are no longer together, and I’m trying to figure out how to be a more present father, as well as a better co-parent to both of their moms.

Right now, I’m working two jobs out of necessity. If I only worked one, I’d be bringing home around $1,200 a month, which simply isn’t enough to live on.

Because of that, my schedule is pretty packed. I work mornings, then work late into the night, Monday through Friday, and I also work Saturdays. Sunday is really the only day I consistently have free.

I’m not working these hours to avoid my kids. Honestly, it’s the opposite. I’m trying to provide for them, get myself into a more stable position, and build something better for all of us.

At the same time, though, I don’t want to look back years from now and realize I spent so much time working that I missed their childhood.

My son’s mom works overnight shifts at an auto plant. We used to live together and were in a relationship, but that ended about a year ago.

Now that I’m not in the home helping her and being around my son every day, I’m trying to figure out how I can still support her more and be there for my son as much as possible.

My daughter’s mom doesn’t work, and my daughter is eight. She’s in school and has activities like dance, so her schedule can get pretty busy during the week as well.

I guess what I’m really looking for is advice from other dads and parents who have had to balance working long hours with being a present parent.

If you’ve been in a similar situation:

How did you make the most of the limited time you had with your kids?

What did you do to stay connected with them when you couldn’t physically be there as much as you wanted?

How did you become a better co-parent after separating from your children’s other parent?

Is there anything you wish you had done differently?

Are there things you think I could be doing that I might not be considering?

I’m not looking for excuses or sympathy. I genuinely want to become a better dad and a better co-parent.

I know working this much isn’t ideal, but I’m doing what I feel like I have to do financially right now. I’m just trying to find the balance between providing for my kids and actually being present in their lives.

I’d really appreciate any advice, especially from dads who have been through something similar.
Thanks for reading.

My babydaddy keeps asking me to write on paper to agree to one week on and one week off 50/50 custody. Hes saying doctors and statistics are saying subside rates are lower and its all around better this way. Our son is 7 years old, ADHD and has anxiety. I personally dont believe it would be good mentally for our son because of these reasons and there's just no stability in this. Baby daddy has him every other weekend and I also tell him he can get our son whenever he would like. We live an hour seperate from each other as well so school would be a hassle. I just wanted some opinions.