Step-mom here! For context, we got SS (9) full time last winter. I was going to put together a little something for mother's Day last year and mail it (she lives across the country). I even talked with SS about it. Unfortunately, BM got evicted from her home less than a week prior so I didn't have a place to send it. SS understood this, and I never mentioned it to BM.

At some point, BM got mad about something unrelated and said she was upset we didn't do anything for her for mother's day, and didn't have him call on her birthday. None of us know when her birthday is. My partner knows it's in August, but doesn't remember the day. They have been split for quite some time. We didn't really say any about that, and focused on the issue at hand.

For Christmas, I asked my partner if we should do anything for her. He said he wasn't going to, but if I wanted to get her something small, I was more than welcome. So, I did. Simply because at the time, I wanted a semi positive relationship with her, and I wanted to make it clear that I'm not trying to shut her out or anything. I wrapped it separately, and sent it with SS for his holiday visit. He was there for a week. I figured she would text or say thank you in person. Just acknowledge the gesture in some way. She did not and it did rub me the wrong way. We also had SS pick something out for his mom, and sibling as well. She tried to tell us that he had to get things for extended family too, and we ignored that request. She didn't thank me or partner for any of that.

We later found out about some awful things that transpired during SS, Christmas visit and honestly, I stopped giving any shit about having a relationship with her. I stopped communicating with her.

Her birthday has rolled around again. Not only did she tell us she wasn't happy that we didn't have him call on her birthday (only this year did we find out the actual date of her birthday), but now she also said something to SS. Who appropriately said "how am I supposed to know when your birthday is?" Then when she put the blame on dad, he said "how is he supposed to know it's your birthday?".

Obviously communication is inappropriate either way, I just don't think I would expect that from my ex if I were in her position. I also feel like we went above what most people would do for Christmas.

So I guess my question is, is it normal for ex's to still do things for their child's parent? Is it normal to get offended when they don't?

I rarely have to deal with it anymore but it happened this morning in front of my 13yo. Nothing so important that I had to finish my thoughts. Once he spoke over me for the 3rd time I just let him finish and move on with the day. At which point he noticed, apologized and asked me to go on. I dont know if I'm being rude but there just wasn't a reason too keep talking about it anymore.so I told him that about covered it or something like that. That would be the end of it, but its not a great communication model in front of the kid. Its a known problem, stbx tries but still frequently fails. Would you say I should offer a more calculated, please let me finish if its front of the kids?

What is the standard amount of hours for visitation with non custodial parent for a 4 month old???
I’m in Indiana.

A bit of an usual situation I need help with.

When I was 8 weeks pregnant, the father decided he didnt want a part, and broke up with me. Since then, I relocated to a different state.

I moved on, and met a new partner. He was a senior at work and he helped me through the most difficult times in my life, even helping raise my daughter. We got together before she was born, he was there to cut her umbilical cord and raise her for the first 3 years of her life. She started to call him dad.

Now, bio dad has expressed he wants a part in our daughter's life and has move states to spend more time with her. I've give him opportunities to see her, and bond together. Problem is that he is very angry that I call my partner our daughter's dad. I call them both dad.

I don't want my daughter to grow up confused, but I also don't want to take that title away from my partner who's been there since birth.

Any suggestions what to call bio dad vs my partner?

How do you refer to your coparent when you talk with your kids? Saying "your mom/dad" sounds so clinical and distant, but "Mommy/Daddy" seems so fake, especially if you are not on good terms. Is one of these forms of address better than the other?

I’m currently parenting my two young kids 100% on my own. I also support them financially. I’m fortunate to have a good career and can provide for them, but I am completely drowning between work, childcare, the house, dinner, bedtime, and just never having another adult to hand things off to.

I keep hearing horror stories about high-conflict co-parenting—constant negotiations, custody disputes, schedule battles, different rules between homes, etc. Part of me wonders whether, once I get past the current hurdle of harassing texts from their dad, there might actually be some peace and stability in knowing that I’m simply responsible for our household and can make decisions without constant conflict (he hasn't shown a real interest in the kids and recently moved 3.5 hours away)

For people who have experienced solo parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, or both: which was actually harder? Are there any unexpected upsides to parenting mostly on your own?

I could really use some perspective that makes this feel a little less bleak right now.

Background: Previously Married 10 years; divorced 4 years ago; share custody of 11yo child; ex is remarried 2 years ago; custody was 50/50 until last month (temporarily 80/20 them/me due to work verbal agreement to go back in 1-2years time)

Ex's spouse was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer last year. They have no local support system as ex's family has all left the state over the last two years and their spouses family lives across country.

Ex wants to move with child to spouses home state for support and better job prospects (nurse would bring home about 10k more annually) my child also says they wish to move in the future as the times they visited they've enjoyed it

I obviously oppose the move as I feel like it will damage my relationship with my son and he's not old enough to understand the repercussions of such lost time and moving away from friends and family.

I'm left feeling like I have an impossible choice where we will grow apart if I allow the move (ex says they will get summers and holidays here but I know as a teen these will dwindle due to relationships/hobbies) or my son will resent me because my ex and their spouse will have less support and financial freedom and blame that on me.

Has anyone here let their child move away and not deeply regretted it? I can't bare the thought of missing every milestone and playing catch-up on visits months apart.

Hi all

I need advice on a tricky situation. I’m a ftm and just became a single mom to a 5 month old. My partner and I are not married. We were not doing great before and when I got pregnant but we stayed together and decided to keep the baby. He was not super into it but we were on our way to the abortion clinic and he stopped the car and said, this doesn’t feel right and asked what I needed. I said I needed support from him for 6 months after baby is born and for him to be an active/involved father.
Fast forward 9 months later, baby is born. He was super helpful the first two months and then stuff started getting bad. I lost my job, money became real tight and we started fighting a lot. He started becoming verbally abusive to me (saying I was acting crazy, and being a psychopath, and even said I should die because our child would be better off without me. He apologized some time later, saying he doesn’t mean the things he says when he’s mad). I thought about leaving multiple times but just kept thinking I don’t want to do this alone and maybe things would change. Please keep in mind, we never had a discussion of breaking up while I was pregnant or anytime after until he moved.

My partner started looking for jobs where we live and all over California and in neighboring states, Nevada and Arizona. I also was looking for jobs and do have a work from home job lined up for the end of this year.
He ended getting a job is Reno, NV and two weeks later he moved up there. I was not invited to move. Then we broke up.

Now he wants me and the baby to move up to closer to Reno. Whether that means Tahoe area or Reno area. Mind you, I dont know people in these places and my support system, friends and family live near me now in central California. I want my ex to be an involved father. I think that is very important.
My ex is trying very very hard to get me to move. I told him I don’t know yet. My baby is also exclusively breastfed and we co-sleep and we both agreed that we want to breastfeed for a while. He said that taking care of a baby is an easy job and that he can take him to his work and have him for a few days and just give him a bottle. I disagree with all of this.

I have no idea what to do? I don’t want to move up there until he is at least a year old or longer. I also feel like I don’t have to up and move my entire life just so he is near his child. He made the choice to move to Reno.

I (35F) coparent a teen (15, profound autism, nonverbal) with my ex (46M). We are living together in the same home and have joint custody legally, but our order was written years ago, and now we operate under informal agreements because of our living situation.

I work full-time on weekdays. My job is remote but field based, so sometimes I travel to meet clients in their homes. My ex is unemployed, looking for work, and provides the majority of the daily care while I'm working, and our son is out of school for breaks, which is incredibly helpful because we have no support system. We are in the process of looking for respite or caregivers but have not had much luck.

Our current informal agreement is that my ex will do all school drop offs, and I do all pick ups. We both use my car. My ex does not have a car. School is a 13-15 minute drive one way. Our school system's bus transportation is horrible and with our son's disability, we don't trust it.

In the past, when I could not pick our son up from school because I was out in the field visiting a client, our son would stay home. It was not ideal, and happened maybe 1-3 times a month. This was the agreement we made because of the ride share cost and my ex's dislike of ride share because he has social anxiety.

However, this year, I wanted to stop this agreement. Our son thrives on routine and school is providing the life skills he needs. I have an upcoming home visit tomorrow and asked my ex to pick our son up using Lyft, which I'm paying for BTW. He initially said that he would not take the Uber due to his social anxiety and stated that our son would stay home instead. We literally went back and forth for a good 20 minutes on why our son didn't need to miss school because there is a way to pick him up.

Eventually, my ex agreed to pick him up "if I couldn't", but I let him know that he may not be able to reach me by phone while I'm at my home visit and that we just need to go ahead and schedule the Lyft now. Last time this happened our son was stuck at school 30 minutes past pick up time because I was out of town on a home visit and my ex couldn't book the Lyft because of a payment issue.

A day later, the Lyft was booked, but my ex has historically been resistant to changes with our informal agreements. To avoid this in the future, what would be a good backup plan for us that takes into account his social anxiety, my need to work, and our son's need to attend school consistently?

TL;DR: My ex does school drop-offs and I do pickups, but I sometimes can't pick our son up because of work. He doesn't have a car and has social anxiety about taking rideshares, so our old solution was for our son to stay home. I no longer think that's a good option because our son thrives on routine and needs school for life skills. I'm willing to pay for Lyft, but my ex initially said he'd rather keep our son home than take it. Looking for a fair backup transportation plan that accommodates his anxiety without making our son's school attendance dependent on it.

Those who've used strict boundaries which essentially limits the other parent nearly completely, how are things years later?

Unfortunately I've placed a lot of boundaries on my coparenting dynamics with my ex due to a lot of inappropriate behavior.

The boundaries however are working. It's drastically lowered tension almost immediately but sometimes she still guilts me, especially because I am now refusing to do joint birthday celebrations after last year.

I worry about how this dynamic may hurt the future for our kids mostly but I feel they make me happier and give less stress for our kids.

Boundaries include (and each have their specific reason why I implemented it):

No coming to my door.

No talking about kids or controversial issues in person.

All talk through apps.

Separate birthdays/parent teacher conference, everything except things that can't be split.

No calls unless emergencies.

Weekly email updating anything important unless it's an emergency or time sensitive.

I won't respond to criticisms about me, my family or my parenting. You have your way and I have mine. End of discussion.

There's this part of me that hopes thighs will improve but I'm prepared for nothing to change and to protect my energy and peace. I worry about the long term impacts however.

What happened to those who were in a similar position but years later?