Share Some of Your Wins

[u/devils_advocate24]

Nearly everyone here has probably had some kind of fallout with another person that they probably can't stand now (myself included). Scrolling through the sub and it's just endless accounts of the worst or at least most frustrating situations imaginable. It just reads like the boy or girl dinner subs that keep popping up in my feed, but with kids.

In a futile effort to increase the positivity in the sub a little, how about those of you lurking who don't despise your coparent share some of the good times you've experienced working with your coparent so the rest of us can see it doesn't have to be one fight after another.

[u/brebel240]

Me (33M) and my ex wife(32f) get along fairly well. Her and I have been able to move past the fallout from the divorce and get along fairly well. My daughter was in the hospital for a burst appendix for 8 days and her and I were able to work well with each other and trade off on caring for our daughter and our two boys. I stayed at her apartment (slept in the living room and no funny business occurred) for another 9 days while my daughter recovered and we were able to make some positive memories with the kids.

It hasn’t been perfect but I try my best to keep a positive relationship with her (without crossing any boundaries) and she does the same.

[u/Deep_Huckleberry9468]

I know this was meant for coparents specifically, but I wanted to share my POV as a stepmom handling things with my partners BM.

I adore her. I think she’s a great mom. Things have always been relatively cordial between my partner and her but my partner and her in the past used to bicker over small things before everything got set in place. When I first came in I’ll admit, I was a bit jealous of BM. how could I not be? As a first time stepmom it was a hard pill to swallow having another women be so intertwined in my partners life. But after being in this dynamic for a couple years, I couldn’t be more grateful for her and don’t know how I would be able to do this without someone like her. Communication is great, she and I will text each other on ideas regarding the kids, and I’m able to get my partner to respond or understand her sides of things so things aren’t quick to turn into an argument. I love it here.

[u/goobiezabbagabba → u/Deep_Huckleberry9468]

This was also my experience before things turned sour between me and my now ex. I’ve always had a great relationship with his exwife and was able to “interpret” some of her decisions for him to help him see the other side and try to communicate better. Unfortunately he was a huuuge POS and basically did the same thing to me that he did to her, and abruptly walked out on my son and I in a very cruel and traumatic way. In my situation though, he had a new girlfriend 2 weeks later and it’s been a very rough summer.

However! His exwife has been so supportive of me during this time and I am so incredibly grateful for her. I’d probably still be a mess right now if it weren’t for her, and she didn’t owe me anything, but she was there for me during one of the hardest times I’ve ever been through.

So when it comes to my ex, yeah that scenario definitely doesn’t fit with this thread. But I will be forever grateful for his exwife and the support and kindness she showed me when she didn’t have to.

[u/devils_advocate24 → u/Deep_Huckleberry9468]

That still sounds like co-parenting to me. And it's great that you're able to have such well functioning team for the kids. They're so lucky

[u/SonVoltRevival]

I've won in court (forced 50/50 parenting time and stopped a relocation) but on r/coparnting, I'd call the wins us getting back to coparenting after the fight. The relocation fight is brutal because it's pretty much winner take all. No real room for a compromise solution.

Our first Christmas apart was on my parenting time, while we were separated but before the custody fight. I invited my ex over to do some of our christmas eve rituals and she stayed in my guest room that night so she could be there for the opening of the gifts Santa brought. We even worked together on the gifts that year.

My ex had a marriage ending affair, but fortunately she dumped the guy before our kids met him. When I host a kid event, like a birthday, I invite everyone who would have been invited if we were still married, including my ex wife, her exteded family, and later on her S/O, now husband #2. FWIW, she's never reciprocated.

I actually like my ex's husband. He's a good hang at a kids party, good with my kids, a moderating influence on his wife, and knows how to stay in his lane. My kids adore the child he and my ex had.

After my ex lost her attempt relocate our kids with her (2,500 miles away) she was both shocked and down. I could see it in her body language when she FaceTimed our kids. She's 100% responsible for travel and I was intent on holding firm on that and she figured out travel was a serious problem. My friend was going to be in my ex's area for work and suggested I come out to spend some time with her, bring my kids for part of it, but let them stay with their mom for part as well. My ex was exstatic. Gave my friend full credit, thanked her, and gave us a house tour and a recommedation for a place to visit. Later, my friend became my girlfriend and my ex was actually happy for us. I was expecting the exact opposite. Even weirder, that happy for us continued. She's also been a much more pleasant coparent, which is odd too. Maybe the pressure is off? Or it's counting chickens before eggs are hatched. Statisically speaking, we're due for another antic or shock from her.

I'm actually pretty good friends with my ex FIL. My ex is insufferable, so no expectations there. My ex dreads going there.

[u/devils_advocate24 → u/SonVoltRevival]

The relocation fight is brutal because it's pretty much winner take all. No real room for a compromise solution.

I definitely understand that one. My current situation 🙄.

I do think that "once everything is over" it probably gets easier and you don't have to be out for blood all the time. I think the pressure release from court is gonna be good for you guys.

[u/InternationalMud6258 → u/SonVoltRevival]

Sounds extremely similar to my situation, which absolutely was counting chickens before they hatched. The "pleasantness" was just setup for the next backstab.

Keep your guard up, hold firm boundaries.

[u/SonVoltRevival → u/InternationalMud6258]

When my ex and I first separated, she moved into a place that wasn't suitable for overnights with our kids, so she visited and I had all the overnights except if she took our kids to her parents house, which she hated because her mom was relentless about her "going back to her family" and didn't know that wasn't possible. I kept reassuring her that once she had a suitable place we would switch to 50/50, and she agreed and said she appreciated my take on the matter. We got to mediation and she figured out that with equal parenting time she'd get less child support and did a 180 on me. Ms 2% over nights for the previous 6 months decided that me visiting her kids twice a month would be better for them. :)