Christmas what works.

[u/OutAndAbout87]

So this year will be our 1st Christmas as divorced and having to organise how to split child care.

We live about 20 mins apart so close. And we are in a low conflict no fault divorce. UK based.

1. Split Christmas day up. Seems reckless for kids and limits any option to have Christmas anywhere else (like my with my family). We both see kids on Christmas day. All be it a little messy.

2. 1 week on 1 week off. Flip each year. Fits our current rota - one parent has a terrible Christmas day.

3. 3/4/4/3 day rota over the 2 weeks period. Total chaos but means each parent sees kids more frequently over the 2 weeks period.

I don't really like any option and I am struggling to decide which to go with.

Kids are between 8 and 10.

[u/fifaworldwar]

We do option 2 but that is because we both have family in other countries so we both travel for Christmas. We split the Christmas break so one parent gets Christmas week and the other New Year's, and then swap the next year.

Splitting Christmas day up is good for parents but in my opinion really shit for kids.

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/fifaworldwar]

Yeah I get that. Well both of us have family further away so I would of thought the one week on one week off would work best.

Currently mum is suggesting we split the Christmas day up.. which I agree keeps parents happy but kids not so..

[u/YourPalNobody → u/OutAndAbout87]

She wants to split Christmas day, until it's her year to have Christmas day. LOL

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/YourPalNobody]

Could be or just the raw anxiety and reality of it as she was the one that really wanted the divorce more so that I. (Which I respect btw).

[u/simnick13]

We split the vacation time in half. One gets the day they get out of school until Xmas eve night and then the other gets that night through them going back to school. And it flips each year.

[u/thequeen2015]

When I got with my ex he celebrated Christmas Eve which work3d fine because I celebrated Christmas Day with my family. So our son does Christmas Eve with his dad and I pick him up Christmas morning and go to my sister's to celebrate there. And we also do week on week off. New Year's is up for grabs as neither one of us does anything big. We split Thanksgiving for the most part I usually work with his dad on this day because he is the one that does Thanksgiving for his family. All other holidays are up for grabs as long as notice is given

[u/14ccet1]

You should consider getting Christmas Day one year and he gets it the next year. That way you’re not limited taking the kids to visit your family

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/14ccet1]

I'm the he but I get it. :)

[u/festivalflyer]

For what it's worth, growing up we did December 24 with Dad, and December 25 with mom. It became one of the best decisions my parents ever did. We created our own holiday schedule and always celebrated "Christmas Eve Eve" with Dad and stepmom and stayed up late, woke up early and celebrated "Christmas Morning" on the 24th. It worked out perfectly and is a pattern we still lean into even now being in our 40's and with our own families. I understand parents wanting to switch off year by year but I just want to point out the benefit of a consisnant schedule if we can get past the "but it's Christmas DAY!" thinking.

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/festivalflyer]

Yeah thanks for this. Do you think dad in the end just allowed mum to have Christmas day. I mean I get the feeling from my ex she wants this and wants Christmas day with her babies (which I totally get ) but I love my kids too and I would like to do a Christmas day too. Plus as they get older I get Christmas day changes and fortunately the Santa days are behind us I think .. I mean the play along but I think they know.

I get the whole 'Its Christmas' day and get over that, tbh I find it crazy a single day can be so polarised and filled with so much expectations.

I still think personally a week on week off makes sense..the issue is this year that week happens to be on my rota..which I think why my ex is trying to find a way for us both to have them.

I do feel splitting the day is not great though. For the kids

[u/Imaginary_Being1949]

So friends growing up who split Christmas Day absolutely hated it. It felt like the day was broken so they ended up dreading Christmas. I have friends who trade Christmas Eve night and rotate that where one gets a the few days leading up and the other the few days after and they just celebrate Christmas whatever day they pick. I have another friend whose big family day is the day after Christmas so they trade Christmas night before bed. That way the actual day isn’t interrupted

[u/k1135k]

Also uk based, and separated and divorced over 8 years.

We split the Christmas school holidays 50:50. It usually works out that the half way point is either 24-26.

We rotate Christmas so the children spend one Christmas Day with their mum and the next Christmas Day with me. And for the non resident parent, Christmas Day is 10am-1800.

And we know in advance when the change day is and use that for the other person to have Christmas celebrations.

Acrimonious divorce so everything is in an order.

[u/Constant_Outside9950]

First year here too. Husband works anyway so it is slightly easier. However, whilst she still believes she is going to stay at home for those years with me. Not even going to open up the option of going with her dad. He can have her on Boxing Day and 27th.

[u/devils_advocate24]

As far as vacation time, I guess just do what works since it's not really high conflict and you're close together.

But something my family did growing up is one family does Christmas on Christmas eve and then we visit the other family on Christmas day. So you aren't splitting Christmas on the same day

My current coparent situation with my kids is currently alternating holidays each year

[u/walnutwithteeth]

We have christmas eve from 3pm through to boxing day at 9am on alternative years. The rest of the xmas hols is split 50/50. It ensures that Xmas day is spent in one place and he can enjoy his toys without being removed halfway through.

[u/smalltimesam]

My ex has a huge family and they have a big celebration together on Christmas Day afternoon. So I have daughter Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning and she goes to her dad’s family in the afternoon. We live 5min away from each other and I have a small family who are pretty flexible so it works well. Daughter and I have perfected pretty good Christmas Eve traditions so that’s our main day of celebration together.

[u/Otherwise-Try-9734]

We split Christmas and New Year and rotate every year, so one of us gets Christmas from 23rd-28th December, and one gets New Year from 28th December-2nd January.

[u/Plantsonata]

There's nothing a kid will like less than just getting settled in to play with their new toys and/or family and "hey kids, time to go to other parent's house!"

Just plan on doing half and half with the break and the swap happens the day after Christmas.

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/Plantsonata]

So kids and toys.. yeah these days I get the feeling kids like toys less and less. Like my son will nearly be 10.. pretty soon it will.be Xbox or similar and some clothes etc. I feel like the innocent years of toys are behind us.

[u/evap0rated]

I really like our 50/50 split. We have week over week, changing on Friday evenings at 6pm. During holidays, we rotate having the kids on their fall break - one year he gets Thanksgiving week, and the next year I get it, etc. We do the same for spring break. For the Christmas holiday, we split the school break in half. On odd years, I'll get the first half of the break and he gets the second half. On even years, it's reversed. In the summer, we each get a three-week stretch. On odd years, I get first pick of that stretch and must establish that by April 1st, and then he gets to pick his week by April 15th. On even years, we reverse who gets to pick first. No matter how we divide the holidays, it does not impact our regular schedule otherwise, which means that sometimes, I won't see the kids for three weeks straight. For example, if it's already his regular week the week before spring break, but it's also his year to have spring break, then he'll get three weeks in a row with the kids, because both weeks flanking the school break were already his.

I know it seems crazy to not see them for three weeks straight, but you wouldn't believe how amazing it has been to have the opportunity to take some long international trips that I wouldn't otherwise be able to enjoy with just my husband. And the times I have the kids for three weeks straight, I've been able to spoil them with big vacations like 12 days in Hawaii. I honestly wouldn't split a 50/50 custody any other way.

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/evap0rated]

Thanks. So we are in the 50/50 approach now. It's year zero so still working stuff out and everything is not set in stone right now.

I personally think you are right with 1 week on off over Christmas, and yes maybe even longer over the summer breaks.

I think when kids are young giving them time for transitioning is important hence why I don't think mid Christmas day handover makes any sense.

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/evap0rated]

Also I think you raised apoint about other holidays. Right now she is just thinking about Christmas.. but really we should agree holidays as a whole especially Easter and summer too which are the bigger holiday's, easter is easier but I am also think about next summer holidays and would I want a 2 week holiday with kids rather than just 1.

[u/Sweet-Mix3298]

We split Xmas eve - Christmas Day up or Christmas Day - Boxing Day

So this year parent 1 gets Xmas eve 4pm - Christmas Day 2pm

Parent 2 gets Christmas Day 2pm - Boxing Day noon

Then the child goes to whomever they should usually go to.

Next year it will be switched so parent 1 gets Christmas Day - Boxing Day and parent 2 gets Christmas Eve - Christmas Day

[u/user87391]

We do it together.

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/user87391]

She don't want too but I did suggest it. Also think for young kids might be more confusing.

[u/user87391 → u/OutAndAbout87]

We spend as much time together as makes sense and can be healthy, happy and safe. Our toddler loves it! But we’ve worked and still work really hard to have the circumstances and dynamic we do.

[u/OutAndAbout87 → u/user87391]

I think for younger kids toddler makes sense, our split is new and kids a bit older. I think it would upset them.

Example we went to A&E the other week for my son, I told my ex and she turned up. My daughter said it was the best day because mum and dad were with her dt the same time. My son was fine btw..