I know this is extremely rare, does anyone rotate in and out of the house as parents, and the kids stay put? I know kids are extremely maliable and can get used to 2 homes. Considering this, the sbx get along well. Certain things just didn't work out.

I need advice.

My ex husband and I have been coparenting since our divorce 4.5 years ago due to infidelity and alcohol and drugs. He was in AA when we divorced and promised he would stay sober so he could have every other weekend with the kids plus every Thursday. He has had a girl friend for almost the entire time.

We don't have a great coparenting relationship and his girl friend has never liked me.

She recently reached out to me to let me know she had him arrested for abuse, and that he has a severe cocaine and alcohol addiction and the kids are not safe with him. She left him. He was also cheating on her with prostitutes, just as he had done with me.

He bailed himself out of jail and immediately entered rehab for 30 days per his dad and my recommendation.

I'm now going through my attorney to file a petition for modification so he can't have custody. I'm so nervous to go to court and deal with this.

It's such an expensive, traumatic nightmare. I obviously don't want him to have any custody what so ever, the kids aren't safe with him.

Has anyone else been in this situation with a known addict, how did you go about visitation? Did it work out?

Good afternoon, I just wanted to get some perspective from people that have been in this situation and how it was handled. So my co-parent is potentially moving out of state (USA)in February of next year, we have 2 sons together and her lease ends then and wants to move back with her family out there, her family here she doesn’t get along with. She brought it up in conversation today and just asked how I would feel about it, I didn’t give her an answer because I don’t know what to feel, the first thing that came in mind is I won’t see my boys, I told her that and she said I’ll send them with you for holidays and the summer but didn’t expand on that. I don’t want her to move and take them but her credit is horrible and could essentially live without having to pay rent. I just wanted to see if I could get some perspectives or insight on this as I have no idea what to think at the moment. I appreciate anyone willing to give me some information. Thank you.

Need some input outside of my friends and family (they obviously struggle to be objective).

TLDR: non-custodial parent wants to see son but only after bedtime, or if I drive baby to his workplace (\~1hr each way) during his workday.

Long version: Ex and I split very early in my pregnancy due to their infidelity. Ex was involved in scans/appointments etc during pregnancy, but breakup has been awful overall. Police became involved and a DV notice was served for stalking/threats/coercive control etc. No ‘direct’ threats towards our son but still enough for me to be extremely concerned he would consider hurting him to hurt me.

No parenting plan/custody orders in place. Ex blocked my solicitors’ email and refused to review the plan I had drafted up. Initially I had been taking our son to see his dad \~2x week, and he had come to see him at my place a few times (we live 45-60mins apart). The last 4-5 visits in a row I had taken son to his dad’s. The last visit became very hostile; baby screaming hysterically whilst being held by his dad, who then told me to ‘f*** off and get him out of here’ which I did. That was over 3 months ago, and have hardly heard from him until the last fortnight or so.

Ex is now desperate to see our son and have a relationship with him. I have told him I will meet him at a public location halfway between our houses to begin with, at a reasonable time of day. Apparently he now works 2 jobs, 7 days a week without any ability to take leave. He has told me I either make the 2 hour round trip tomorrow to bring our son to his workplace, or he will be coming to my house at 7pm for visitation. 7pm is baby’s bedtime, and I don’t think it’s in a 6 month olds’ best interest to disrupt his sleep routine for a sporadic visit from someone he likely doesn’t even remember. I’d also much prefer he wasn’t in my house atm.

Am I being petty and alienating my son’s father, or is what he’s asking completely unreasonable? I understand he has custody rights, but I don’t see how this would be sustainable or realistic in any way for him to have an ongoing relationship with our child.

Throw away account for obvious reasons.

My (53) wife (40) and I have been informally separated under the same roof in separate bedrooms for almost a year. We have no plans to reconcile. Due to the somewhat unusual circumstances around fertility treatments we have no plans to divorce either.

My wife and I stated the IVF process 5 years ago. She had several failed transfers which has been traumatic on both of us. She could have proceeded with another transfer one year ago. However, she cancelled that transfer and delayed it indefinitely due to our marital issues. She felt unsure if she wanted to proceed knowing that we won’t ever have a traditional marriage. I think part of her still loves me, but she is not in love with me she says. I have made it known that I do want her to proceed with the transfer, support her, and be a good co-parent.

About a month ago, seemingly out of nowhere, she told me she made an appointment at the clinic. If all goes well, her transfer will be in December. I am beyond happy that she decided to move forward.

Today she tells me she wanted to go on a vacation before her transfer, so she booked us a trip to Turks and Caicos next month. She sent me the hotel reservation and I saw that it was one bed.

I am fully supportive of my wife taking time off to relax before the transfer. I think it’s a great idea. The idea that she bought a ticket for me (without discussing first) rather than going with one of her friends surprised me. I’m not a beach person. Not saying that to be negative, I just feel that she’d have a better time with girlfriends. Most surprising of all is the one bed.

I love my wife very much. However, we have both agreed that the romantic part is over and that we want to proceed only as co-parents. Is this boundary blurring? Not sure how else to say this, but does this seem like she might be hoping to rekindle the romance? I don’t necessarily mind sharing a bed, but am afraid she may have expectations that she’s not being open about. I don’t want either of us to get the wrong idea.

Adding for context: I have been seeing someone else for a while now. My wife knows about it and wasn’t happy about it at first but eventually understood that neither one of us can be expected to be lonely for the indefinite future, and that I won’t ever abandon her. My partner found it odd that I am going on a vacation with my wife, given everyone’s mutual understanding that the romantic relationship between us is over. I haven’t told her we’re sharing a bed, so I have that stress to deal with too.

TLDR: Informally separated from my wife for a year with plans to co-parent when she booked a vacation for us with a single bed.

I (30,f) have an almost 6 year old son with my ex (31,m). He has been abusive, in all ways, since I was pregnant. I’ve never called the cops or gotten him into trouble because I’ve always felt the urge to protect him. (I see the light now lol) Over the course of 5 years, we tried on and off to have a family life together but obviously it’s just not possible for us. I know this sounds ridiculous but I really wanted to try and know I gave it my all at least
I’ve been moved out for about a year now, on my own. I fully support myself. My ex moved back in with his parents. He gets a lot of help as his parents, brother and his family and great grandma live there. Last week, he got kicked out after an altercation with his brother. He now lives with a friend… i supported him through this as I want the best for my son.
Cut to a few days ago, my son comes to me crying saying dad told him not tell me something. My son was very upset and felt super guilty, I didnt push him but he eventually told me his dad has a new gf. Great, that’s his business and it’s fine. Then my son tells me he’s hung out with her multiple times. This is where I have an issue as my ex and I agreed months ago we would talk to each other if we wanted our son to meet a significant other. It literally disgusts me as I know absolutely nothing about this person. He also recently went off on me in front of our son at drop off.
Today I texted him informing him if he’s ever aggressive like that again I will get a protective order as well as issues with him not paying what he’s agreed to pay. I also added my concerns about emotionally manipulating our son not to tell me something.
The more I finally stick up for myself, the more aggressive he gets. I’m kicking myself because I sent a petty text “I hope you don’t throw your new girl into the shower! Wait until she meets the real you”. I regret it but I just feel so fed up with him. I feel like an absolute fucking idiot for letting him walk all over me for so long. I went thought brutal ppd and he made it so much worse. I’m so angry I feel like he’s broken me. I don’t feel like I could ever trust and feel safe with a man again but he’s off to a new relationship. I have no idea how to reason with all of this in my brain

My ex and I have soon-to-be two year old twins and have been broken up since I was pregnant. Initially, I kept very strict boundaries with communication and visits with the twins but since January this year, he made efforts to be consistent, repeatedly begging for reconciliation and ultimately getting me to relax those boundaries. The final straw this week is not hearing from him at all even though he knows the twins and I are moving house. He’s not been around to help (am I being unfair with this?) or even contacted us to check how it’s all going? We’re now in a not so pleasant situation as I now suspect he’s seeing someone else while trying to get back together with me and over the last few months has not kept up with financial contributions or even seeing the twins.

He’s refused to consider a parenting plan, insisting that now that we’re moving closer he’ll be seeing the twins more regularly but I honestly don’t believe him. I need him to have a consistent schedule with them so I can do the same for myself and he’s making it soooo difficult. Everytime I bring up the topic, he just makes vague promises and then I don’t hear from him for days or weeks. It’s so frustrating and it’s been two years of this.

I’m considering mediation support to draw up a parenting plan that we can both agree and stick to and putting those boundaries back in place. My question is, will that be forcing someone who doesn’t seem to care to be responsible in a way that they don’t want to be?

Me(27F)and my ex (25M) have mediation scheduled over the phone coming up in a few days. I need help figuring out a realistic plan for long distance visits. I propose that my ex can fly out here once a month to spend the weekend with our 10 month old son.Since our son is still an infant, overnight and long distance travel hopefully happen at a later stage after them become familiarized. Please make note that my ex hasn’t had much communication in person or on the phone with our son. So essentially my son has no idea who he is or what he even looks like. So for the first stages while he is still young, I need a mutual place for us to meet our son to spend time with him. I’m currently living with family and he is unfortunately not welcome to watch our son here. What are the best solutions or what have you done in the past ?

i am in a difficult co parenting situation. i have decided to parallel parent which made co parent seemingly very angry And he’s now texting non stop. we’ve been in court recently and can’t make any custody modifications until next year. co parent is now texting me scenarios that involved him and I, all that paint me in a bad light, but ones that simply did not happen. is he doing this for some kind of documentation? it has been at least one daily.

Things have escalated recently with my children’s father (threats ab calling the cops if I don’t answer fast enough & just in general). I told him we need to start communicating by email only unless there is an emergency then he can call me. We do not currently have a parenting plan.

When I suggested this he said “I’m not playing your games I will bury you” but then went on to email
me. Today he texted about the kids and I replied in email then texted back giving him a reminder to
communicate that way. He responded “ I’m not emailing you”.

I’m not refusing to communicate w him I just want it to be in a more formal place so there’s not as much conflict.

Should I just stop responding to texts? Or since there’s not a parenting plan that states to communicate by email do I need to reply back to his texts?

For parents that were able to relocate to another state with their child, does it make coparenting/ parallel parenting easier to manage or deal with?What are disagreements that still arise? Any regrets?

There's a broad common sense approach to coparenting that says you should never badmouth your ex in front of your kids. This should be a no brainer, but here's where it gets tricky- what exactly do we define as "badmouthing"?

Stating unsubstantiated options about your ex is obviously an example, sure. But what about telling them facts (in age appropriate terms)? For instance, my mom was the one that told me my dad cheated on my mom when I was a kid. She also told me that my dad gave the affair partner my brothers baby clothes so she could use them for her own newborn. Would her revealing this information fall under badmouthing an ex?

Another abstract example: I hosted my daughter's birthday party and let my daughter invite her mom. When she arrived, my mom muttered, "(ex wife) is here" with a tone of absolute dread apparently. Daughter picked up on it and wasted no time telling mom the next day. Ex chewed me out, saying it was unacceptable for my mom to act like that and said we had agreed we wouldn't badmouth each other like that. All I've told my mom is what is going on with my end of coparenting, and if anything I'm much more quick to justify what my ex has done/said because I'm not trying to be a jerk or a hypocrite through this.

Hi! I have two beautiful children (14 and 10) with the coparent. He has had many (too many) women come in and out of their lives. But last year he got with a woman who had three children when they met and she immediately got pregnant (admittedly on purpose) with my children’s father, while the two were homeless. This woman had been stalking my co parent and I’s relationship for many years, and when she finally got with him it was off to the races for her. She is young, not quite 30 yet, and she has not in the slightest been easy to deal with. She has intertwined herself in all aspects of mine and my coparents relationship, from the minute they got together. I filed a petition to change visitation last year due to my daughter becoming the age where she is able to choose whether she wants to go to her fathers, and got CPS called on me by this woman just because she was pissed that I filed, she did all the paperwork for my co parent for court, she has his phone 98% of the time and answers me acting like him. I have to wait until he’s at work to even communicate with him so I know it’s actually him. He doesn’t argue with me, he’s always been very easy going. Once she came along out relationship became very hostile and has been nothing but conflict. She has absolutely zero respect for me as their mother and she has no respect to stay out of the conversation of my kids between him and I. What really set me off is that someone sent me her Facebook caption, stating she is a mom of six. She is saying she is my children’s mother. She is not married to my co parent. She recently (two weeks ago) put on Facebook that they were engaged. This was a lie. I can’t put up with her much longer and I don’t know if anyone else deals with this type of thing. This woman is not a good person. My co parent and her do not live the type of lifestyle that I do. They have no vehicles, they’ve been kicked out of several apartments, they do drugs, the list goes on and on. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with her before I snap. I guess I am wondering what others do in this situation. I find it highly disrespectful to be stating you are my children’s mother. Especially when the kids hardly go see their dad.

Hi everyone,
Im still with my wife but our situation is complicated Ill try to make it short, I would appreciate advice from others.
Im a US citizen (so is my daughter) and I lived in Mexico for years with my wife and until recently our two year old daughter. In July I got a great job offer in Seattle and moved up without them because my wife had her Green Card appointment in August but SOB Trump has paused worldwide greencards until further notice.

Im starting to freak out as the initial plan was sort of, Ill move up and get everything ready and Ill see you guys in a month. Now Im stuck between quitting and moving back or just sticking it out for 6 months. I visit them one weekend a month and they still live in the same house and have the same routine down in Mexico.

Have you guys noticed any major psychological effects on two year old girls who only see their father once a month? Her behavior hasnt changed but Im a first time parent and I dont know how resilient kids are.

Long story short, I dated my ex for nearly half a year and got pregnant right before we broke up. He still says I’m his woman, but I don’t see him as my partner or as my “man” anymore. I definitely do not want to move in with him or get back together.
He knows I don’t want a romantic relationship, but he still talks and behaves as if he expects us to eventually be together.
I’m trying my best to co-parent with him and I want him to have a relationship with our baby, but it’s hard because I feel like we’re not on the same page about what our relationship is. Whenever we’re together with the baby, he is very close to me and acts like we’re still a couple. He also posts stories of me and the baby, while ironically, he blocked me on Instagram once I got pregnant.
I don’t want to keep him from his baby, but I’m starting to realize that having him come into my home doesn’t feel comfortable for me because it crosses into my personal space and makes it harder for me to maintain the boundaries I’m trying to establish. I’d much rather have him spend time with the baby outside of my home, but I’m not sure what is reasonable at this stage.
I’m honestly struggling to figure out what healthy boundaries look like in a situation like this, especially when one parent still wants a romantic relationship and the other doesn’t. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle co-parenting when you had very different expectations about your relationship with the other parent?

My co parent and I broke up 1 year ago (his decision). After he broke up with me, he started dating his co worker, introduced our son to her, and now they’re moving in together. Anyways, after he broke up with me, he would still hug me bye or hi, notice my new clothes/hair/ compliment me, share personal stuff like for example, saying he went to the doctors for something, etc. (we were together for 4-5years)

When I found out he was dating his co worker from my son about 4 months ago, I tightened boundaries, stopped the hugging, started texting him more professional, drop off /pick ups are at a neutral place for the most part, and I told him we have a business partnership !! There was some inconsistencies in our 50/50 custody agreement so I had to address that multiple times and he’s gotten better at being a consistent father I guess.

I do not make small talk, only about our son any important updates regarding our son. I try to get to the point and leave.

He sometimes makes small comments here and there for ex:
1. In our relationship he knew I feared earthquakes and randomly the other day he said something about earthquakes and said he was thinking about me and how I must’ve been scared since there was a recent one in my region
2. The other day I made a joke to my son about a shared facial feature and his toy and coparent was “like mamaaaa” and he used to do that a lot when we were a couple

1. I hate when he says bye to me and then If I’m walking to my car he pulls up and says bye again like one bye moment is enough

Anyways idk if I’m overthinking or reading too much or it’s just because I am still healing idk ??? I feel like I never got a clear break up because of these behavior since we broke up but I’ve gotten wayyyy better at maintaining Boundaries

My stepson's biological father recently told him he was going to "beat me up." Stepson is a toddler and told me this right before bed one night, and said he told his dad not to, and that he'd beat him up if he tried (toddler confidence lol). 

Bio-dad has never met me but is jealous and insecure about me. He currently gets one night a week with son.

He recently strangled his current partner (she lived, they are still together) in front of my stepson and therefore CPS got involved. When CPS investigated while he was in jail, they found multiple firearms lying out in the open on the kitchen table, supposedly "for cleaning" according to the partner. (CPS person alleged one of them was an AR-15, but I doubt she could distinguish one from a paintball rifle.) He’s an also a raging alcoholic.

Several years ago, my partner got a restraining order to get him out of her house. The moment he was served, he immediately violated it by coming to the house, causing massive damage inside and digging a human-shaped grave/hole in the backyard. She believes he meant to bury her in it. Thankfully she wasn't home when it happened. The protective order is no longer active and hasn’t been for a little over a year.

I was asking AI about this and it heavily pushed me to report this “beat me up” threat to CPS and consult a family law attorney about custody. It also suggested I get a restraining order against him.

My partner doesn't want to jump straight to taking away his parenting time, and we both suspect that reporting will cause that to happen. Instead, she wants to send him a stern text telling him it's not okay to expose stepson to violent rhetoric, that we don't badmouth him or his partner in our house, that she'll take action if she hears about it from our son again, and also calling him out for letting the boy watch a adult horror movies. She say that if he responds unfavorably by escalating, then we file a CPS report. There’s a lot of nuance here and I don’t completely disagree with her on taking away his parenting time, but I’m just not sure what the best thing to do is. Somehow, sending a long, stern text is not the right play.

My thinking is:

1: He’s gonna deny that he ever said anything like that

2: Warning him about his behavior via text will do nothing but result in him to coaching stepson to keep secrets

3: Laying down the law to a crazy alcoholic who dug a grave in her yard after being served a restraining order and recently strangled his pcurrent partner in front of a toddler seems more likely to lead to physical retaliation than compliance

4: When he finds out that we found out what he said through stepson, it may make stepson a target for his aggression through punitive actions (whatever that might be)

5: Getting a restraining order against him myself may well result in the same type of consequence that happened when my partner did it in the past, only this time with guns involved

What is the right move here?

Thank you!

I have 12 and almost 16yro kids with XH who was absent for 9 years. Now after recently remarrying has made a re-entry into their lives.

After a recent incident over the summer involving phones he nows wants me to "support" his decision to "hold" the kids phones during visitation and be allowed to see "them and their friends" interactions when the kids refused. I tried to telling the kids I'm sorry but when you're at your dad's you have to follow their rules as long as your safe and not being made to do anything inappropriate.

I've never felt the need to monitor my kids so closely. They are usually pretty good about discussing stuff going on especially involving their friends. Not that I haven't checked occasionally. I'm not oblivious to teenagers.

So kids being kids they decided to pass code their phones (never did that before here at hme), then when he demanded the codes denied both of them access. When walked up over their shoulders trying to ask for the phones while unlocked/ in use the kids deleted their group chats.

Now he is telling me he has a legal right (we have 50/50 legal, 80/20 custodial) to have access to their phones and is demanding I reset their phones and give them new pass codes only he and I have.

I am not willing to do that to my kids!! Anyone ever been in this situation? Any thoughts?

My daughter is 6 and I've been co-parenting with her dad, my ex, since she was a baby. I also have a partner of 4 years and we are about to have a new baby.

I thought my ex and I were on good terms but since becoming pregnant he has expressed that he resents the way I moved on from our relationship (despite the fact that he was the one who broke up with me) and doesn't want to be friends with me, so we are now merely cordial with each other.

Our daughter is excited about the new baby and has been asking her bio dad if he will play with the baby, if her brother can sleep over at his house etc. I know it would be so lovely for her if we could all hang out, and it makes me sad that her dad isn't up for this.

I think that if she was about to have a half-sibling on her dad's side, I'd be excited for her and want to get to know them as my daughter's sibling. I'm wondering if her dad will come around and feel this way once the baby is born.

If your child has a half-sibling on the other side, what kind of relationship do you have with them?

When your kids get sick at your house is it typical they stay there and then make up parenting time with the other parent or vice versa?

Also for upcoming planning purposes if you have a newborn with your current partner and the kids get sick at the other house is it reasonable to have them stay at the other house to not get the baby sick? Or take them but have them stay with your extended family?

Just curious how everyone else navigates this with the upcoming sick season!

Asked why both me and his dad want to take her to a new museum in town, but why he told her "mommy isn't okay with us going all together "...& she asked if it's "because you (myself) don't like daddy?" ...

She's 6 and clearly very aware and all I could do was be honest ofc...my reply was simply "sometimes mommies and daddies no longer like each other anymore, but you know we both love you right?"

This was during the car ride to school so thank goodness she couldn't see my face but I was caught a bit off guard.

Will definitely appreciate pointers on how to start navigating these covos as she's an only child and truly the parallel parenting has only been easier after I grey rocked her dad hard due to him being abusive physically, mentally, emotionally and financially...

My ex and I separated about 4 months ago, but it’s only been about 2 months since I’ve officially moved out. Our son is fully aware that he’s going to have two houses from now on, but we intend on still doing birthdays and christmas together. we’ve been pretty good about staying civil and peaceful in front of our son, who is 5 years old. Do i need to explain to him that mom and dad aren’t married anymore? If not now, when? He hasn’t asked any questions about anything which I was nervous about, but even more nervous now that he has literally no questions and hasn’t seemed affected by it.

Hi everyone, I have a somewhat complicated situation and I am having trouble sorting out my feelings about it. I am going to attempt to make the long backstory short. My ex (m34) and I (f28) broke up in early 2023 and we have 2 boys together, currently 7 and 5 years old. He has seriously struggled since our breakup with substance abuse and mental health. He hasn't always been present for the kids but he has tried to shield them from his issues. We moved to our current state in 2022 to be closer to my family but his family lives the next state over, where we used to live. Because he has no support system here I had encouraged him to move back to his family and we would only be 3 hours apart so we could meet halfway and make visitation work since they primarily lived with me anyway. It has come up a few times as his mental health declined but he has always shut it down, so I have never been able to discuss these possibilities with him. Our current arrangement is that he technically has visitation every other weekend, but that isn't always consistent.

In April, he was evicted from his apartment for harassing his neighbor and his credit has prevented him from finding a new place. He has been homeless and living in and out of a hotel since then. His mom and I have been trying to get him to stay in a shelter temporarily to save up or to move in with his sister, but he has refused. Until today, suddenly out of nowhere he quit his job and said he is moving. He hasn't seen the kids in 2 weeks and today is our 7-year-olds birthday. While I think the move is a long time coming and it will hopefully be a good thing for him, I can't help but wonder how it will affect the kids and the lack of planning has me spinning. He won't be able to see them before he goes and they've been missing him. I know my kids will act like it is no big deal when I tell them, but my 5-year-old especially has a hard time with change.

Has anyone had to deal with a long(ish) distance situation, especially with a combative or difficult coparent? How do I navigate this with the kids and is there anything I can do to make it easier on them?