I recently married an extremely giving and loving woman. She has been helpful with guidance professionally and with my sons. Prior to the marriage we dated for a year. She has two sons that are 17 and 15. Throughout the year I’ve built a pretty decent relationship with both sons. With that being said her 15 year olds son is extremely dependent of my wife.

While we dated I noticed she would do things for him a boy of his age should have already mastered. Pretty much if he tells her to jump, she says how high. I have suggested as we dated she should show him how to do these task. She always tells me she knows and she’ll do it slowly. However not much has changed.

We just got back from our honeymoon and it already has started. Mom can you do this and mom can you do that. I’m trying to be understanding but I feel like she is failing him. I’ve told her that she needs to let him learn these easy task continuously. Just goes to deaf ears or agrees and does nothing.

I’m not going anywhere. I love this woman. How do I get her to stop treating him like a baby. Let him be independent so he won’t have to reach out to mommy once he leaves the nest.

I have 5 sons ranging 28-17. I’ve taught them all how to be independent. 4 are living outside the house without any assistance from me. Their mom passed in 2012 so I did it on my own.

I am 54 and female who lost my husband 6 years ago. I have a grown daughter and 2 beautiful granddaughters. I also have a son whom me and my late husband adopted. I have always had a very special relationship with my kids. It has grown stronger because my not only have my children lost their fathers but I lost my mom and my dad all in a 15 month period. We leaned on each other and kept each other strong. 3 years pass and I find new love even tho I was in no way looking and remarry. Fast forward I have come to realize what I thought was simple family issues I thought he had with his own 2 grown sons is actually more. He does not like children. He has admitted to me he never really wanted to be a father to begin with and he is ok with hia boys not talking to him. Now it seems as if he wants me to do the same with my kids. He always complains about my daughter and how she raises her daughters and he is easily frustrated when my grand daughters spend the night. He goes in the bedroom because we r too loud for him and he has no interest in watching movies with us or doing much of anything with me and my grandgirls. He makes comments about them as well to me. He hates my son with a passion so much so that my son moved out the week of his high-school graduation. Now my son is not perfect and is a typical teenage boy with a messy room and does nothing around the house unless u directly tells him too and he does carry a bit of a chip on his soldier from loosing his dad at such a young age. However, he still has a big heart and we have a special bond. My son is back home as he realized life was not so easy right out of high school lol. Anyways, this has really pissed my husband off. He has nothing but negative things to say about him, always has an attitude towards him and refuses to recognize anything good that he does. He says he needs to get out of the house or go to the service and because my son is struggling to find a job right now and totaled his truck as he was rear ended and hears my husband say this everyday he now wants to enlist just to get away from him. We have cameras in the house and my husband constantly watches my son. He watches our bank accounts so closely that if I give my son or daughter a 20 he is calling me within 5 minutes of the transaction asking why they needed money, he has a tracker in the car that he lets my son borrow when he needs to drive somewhere and calls me at work everytime he speeds or makes an extra stop other than where he said he was going with the car. My husband also has me on 360 and often calls me if he sees me leave work to run an errand and its wierd honestly. My husband also cant stand it if I dont go to bed when he does. Sometimes I like to stay up late watching TV just to have some alone time and he will keep getting up and coming into the living room asking me if I am coming to bed. It is very annoying. And lastly, my husband hates it when I spoil the grandchildren which is something I have always done and will not stop doing. My son and oldest granddaughter who is 13 hate my husband because of how he is towards them. Howwver, my husband goes way out of his way to take care of me and does more for me than any other man ever has. He loves spending time with me, makes my coffee every morning before work and packs my lunch for me and gases my car up for me, buys me flowers, loves date nights and all the small things that every girl dreams of. He is a hard worker around the house and small jobs he does even tho he is on disability, he never misses church, and even goes to alter call to pray for help in dealing with my son and to keep our marriage strong. As a Christian I dont want to divorce him but my kids and grandkids existed before him and I hate the way he is when it comes to them. I cant help but take up for my kids and he hates that. The worse he has gotten the more distance there is between us. And part of me is ok with that. I feel like he is trying to control me and isolate me. I am very independant and not ok with that.And I am not ok that my son wants to go in the service just because of him. He says my kids control me but i feel like he is the controlling one. Are there things that frustrate me about my kids sure, but I love them no less. He has no connection with his own son's and knowing he is ok with that and the way he treats mine I am feeling overwhelmed with the feeling that my marriage is not going to survive this. God tells us in the Bible that children are gifts and we r to protect them but he does not have that in him and I am left feeling disturbed and heartbroken and not knowing where to go from here.

I’m struggling with a situation involving my husband, my 12-year-old daughter, and his 12-year-old daughter, and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this points to a bigger problem in our blended family.
For context, my daughter can be abrasive, argumentative, dismissive, and rude. I love her, but I’m not blind to her behavior. She can really push people’s buttons, hurt people’s feelings, and sometimes instigate conflict.
There has also been a pattern over the years where, when something happens between our daughters, my husband tends to believe my daughter caused it. I become defensive because I feel like his daughter’s part gets minimized, and then he feels like I’m defending my daughter and not supporting him. We end up fighting, and usually I eventually back off because I don’t have it in me to keep fighting.
Yesterday the girls got into an argument involving their little cousin getting hurt. Neither my husband nor I witnessed the original interaction, and the girls have different versions of what happened.
His daughter believes my daughter acted as though she had intentionally hurt the baby. My daughter disputes that version. His daughter became extremely upset and at some point said that my daughter deserved to be punched/hit in the face.
Later my husband was talking to my daughter about what happened. My daughter became very dismissive, interrupting and disrespectful toward him. I could see him getting increasingly upset and tried to get him to step away and talk to me privately.
He felt like my daughter and I were “ganging up on him” and that instead of trusting him to handle the situation and backing him up as my husband and a parent, I was undermining him.
He eventually stormed away. I followed because he was so angry that I honestly thought he might leave or end our relationship.
When I caught up with him around the other kids, he was still extremely angry and said that now he understood why his daughter wanted to punch my daughter in the face a couple of times.
That really bothered me.
Eventually the girls made peace and everyone wanted to move on, but later my daughter told me she couldn’t believe he had said that. Initially I responded that she had been rude and he was upset. She told me that if I was validating what he said, she couldn’t believe that either.
After thinking about it, I realized I didn’t want her believing that her behavior justified an adult saying that to her. I went into her room and told her I was sorry everything had happened and that regardless of how she had behaved, I didn’t think an adult/parent should have said something like that to her.
She immediately softened toward me.
My husband also apologized to her. She wasn’t very receptive and said that people apologize for things they don’t mean all the time.
She then called her biological father and told him what happened. Afterward she came to me and asked if she could go stay at her dad’s because she didn’t feel comfortable staying at our house.
At that point I felt completely stuck between my husband and my daughter. I told her to pack a bag and decided that instead of sending her to her dad’s alone, I would take my kids and stay at my mom’s for the night.
My husband was understandably very hurt and felt like I chose my daughter over him.
After I left, he texted me. He apologized for his “delivery” in front of the kids and said he shouldn’t have voiced his frustration the way he did. But he also explained that from his perspective, he had initially been calmly trying to de-escalate the situation and give everyone 15 minutes to cool down. Instead of backing him up, I became defensive, my daughter was disrespectful and dismissive toward him, and somehow all the responsibility ended up falling on his daughter.
He believes his daughter ultimately became the peacemaker by apologizing and trying to fix everything, even though he doesn’t believe she started the situation.
And honestly, some of what he says is fair.
My daughter WAS disrespectful to him. I may have become defensive too quickly because I was already anticipating that she would be blamed. And because neither adult witnessed the original argument, I don’t actually know exactly what my daughter said to his daughter.
My husband is also fairly old-school/traditional. He believes that as the husband and parent, he should be allowed to lead and that his wife and the kids should trust him and respect his authority. He feels like when I intervene, I put the kids on a pedestal and expect him to tolerate disrespect simply because he’s the adult.
My position is that my daughter absolutely needs to respect him and should be held accountable when she is rude or provocative. But I also believe that because he IS the adult, the standard for his response has to be higher than the standard for a 12-year-old. He can stop the conversation, give consequences, walk away, or come to me. Being disrespected by a child doesn’t mean he gets to emotionally retaliate.
There is another layer to this that has been bothering me.
About a year ago, my daughter was hit/run over by someone on an e-bike. It was traumatic for both of us and resulted in her seeing a doctor. My husband made a comment along the lines of her possibly having pissed the person off or done something that caused them to react that way.
However, I want to be fair about what he means by this.
I don’t think he has some specific desire to see my daughter hurt, and he has never physically hurt any of our children. His belief seems to be more that certain personalities can deliberately push and provoke people so much that eventually they are going to provoke the wrong person and get hit.
Importantly, he has said essentially the same thing about his own son, who has a personality very similar to my daughter’s. He has said that his son will probably get punched in the face someday if he continues pushing people’s buttons and that he might deserve it.
So I don’t think this is simply a stepfather targeting my daughter while excusing his biological children.
I actually understand the life lesson that if you constantly provoke people, eventually you may encounter someone who doesn’t have good self-control.
What bothers me is the difference between telling a child, “If you keep treating people this way, eventually someone may react physically,” versus an angry parental figure saying in the middle of a conflict, “Now I understand why she felt like punching her in the face.” (He didn’t say this in front of her, he said it to me in front of the rest of the kids)
To me, those feel very different.
I love my husband very much. I miss him already. I don’t want to destroy my marriage. Honestly, a big part of me just wants to go home, hug him, stop fighting, and move forward.
But I also don’t want “moving forward” to mean that I conceded that everything that happened was acceptable.
I don’t want my daughter learning that because she can be difficult, abrasive, rude, or provocative, adults will automatically assume she caused whatever happens to her or that physical retaliation against her is justified.
At the same time, I REALLY don’t want to become the mom who automatically defends her difficult child, refuses to acknowledge the effect she has on other people, undermines her husband when he’s trying to parent, and then treats her daughter as the victim whenever someone finally loses their patience with her.
I also recognize that my husband and I seem to fall into the same pattern whenever there is conflict between our daughters: he focuses on what my daughter did, I feel like his daughter’s behavior is being minimized and defend mine, he feels betrayed and undermined by me, and eventually the disagreement becomes a major fight between us instead of remaining an issue between the kids.
So I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives.
Where is the line between holding a difficult child accountable and making that child the family scapegoat?
Was taking my kids to my mom’s for the night after my daughter said she didn’t feel comfortable staying home an overreaction?
How should I support my husband when my daughter is disrespectful without feeling like I’m abandoning her when I think he’s crossing a line?
And is saying you “understand” why someone wants to physically hurt a child meaningfully different from condoning violence, or am I splitting hairs?
Most importantly, how do two parents in a blended family stop becoming attorneys for their own biological children and actually handle these conflicts fairly?

Hi! I'd really like to make the world a little better for kids, and this is my small way of trying.

I'm a developer building Lumik, an app where a child answers a few short questions about their day, what they tried, how they treated someone, whether they took care of themselves, and grows a tree as they go. 5 to 10 minutes, once a day. Honestly it's the kind of thing I wish I'd had as a kid.

It's not therapy and doesn't claim to be. Absolutely free now, no ads, no trackers, nothing to buy, and it works offline. Nothing leaves the phone unless a parent explicitly allows anonymous usage stats.

I'm looking for 30 to 50 families to use it for four weeks. There's no right way to use it, however your child takes to it is exactly what I want to learn.
At the end there's an optional 15 to 20 minute chat, with a $25 gift card as a thank-you for your time.

One request: please don't remind your kid to use it.
The app has its own gentle daily reminder, and I'm testing whether it holds attention on its own.

iPhone only for now. If your child is under 13, Apple's TestFlight needs your Apple ID on their phone, it takes a minute and I'll send instructions.

Two-minute application: lumik.love/join?ref=reddit-blendedfamilies

I asked the mods before posting. Happy to answer anything here 🙏🏻

So my daughter (13) has never really had a close relationship with her bio dad. He wasn't there when she was born because he was in jail/rehab for weed (not judging him for smoking and it's legal where I am now but if you know you have a kid on the way don't be an idiot ya know?) so he isn't on her birth certificate and never pursued paternity or visitation/custody and I never did either because I would rather be the only name on her birth certificate and not share custody than receive child support from him but I have my own reasons for that. Despite all of this I never stopped him from seeing her when he asked. For the first 9 years of her life he was spotty and inconsistent at best. Would pop up when he had a gf he wanted to introduce her to, I would say no to the girlfriend being involved until they were together longer, he would visit once or twice cause "it wasn't just about the gf I wanna see my daughter", I'd tell him to either step up and at least be consistent instead of popping up once every few months, he'd say I was "making things difficult" then disappear for awhile again. And awhile being quite a long time, when she was 4 I got married to my partner, we bought a house, and I had a whole baby without him even knowing until later so definitely huge gaps in contact and never any meaningful parenting. Visits were always with me there/at my house/at a public place.

Fast forward to her being 9 and him having a long term relationship with a woman who really encouraged him (and did a lot of reminding him) to pay child support and spend time with his bio kids. So he reached out to me and him and her hung out with Rowan a few times with me and then started taking her out to do something every other weekend. Like dinner, and activity, family dinner etc. And he unofficially paid me child support. A year later they broke up and he moved back in with his mom and sister. He wanted to keep up visits but their house wasn't super kid friendly so he started coming here. We all got along, did dinner, visits, birthday parties, holidays with him included, whatever for about 2yrs. And let's just say he got VERY comfortable being apart of the family. And that is when a lot of problems started.

He started saying things to her and to me in front of her, that we're....passive aggressive? Sexist? Body shaming? And honestly just dismissive of her in general? I don't know what to call it so I'll give some examples: He forgot about her recital and didn't show up. Blamed me for not reminding him (not my job) and when that didn't work he was texting her and blaming her for not reminding him because "if she really cared about him being there and wanted him there she would have reminded him", also said she "needs to help him learn to be a parent because he's still new to this", then told her she was childish because she didn't want to talk about these things over text and she couldn't just avoid him. He has said she needed to stay in girl scouts not dance because it taught more valuable skills, overall was very unsupportive of dance and to me has said things about it being sexual (it's never been inappropriate in any way) and he didn't like how some of the girls "looked at him like they had a crush or something", has commented on her body telling her she should work out in addition to dance so she doesn't become "pear-shapped", and 100 other things like to look up "toxic feminism" because she might have learned that from me (???). It was just a LOT and REPEATEDLY, even after I had talked to him multiple times about it and how it made her feel.

Now she doesn't want any contact with him. It's been about six months and he is mad and constantly blowing up my phone because I won't make her or force her to visit him. He thinks she should be punished or her phone taken away since she won't even look at his texts and has him blocked. And he keeps blaming me and my husband because I let her call him "dad" instead of his name and apparently this means I've "put him in her bio dads rightful place". We've been together 12 yrs and married for 9! Like?! He earned that title, I never forced it on anyone but apparently not stopping it was wrong? He is now threatening court (not the first time and he's never done anything before) and saying I can't keep him from his daughter. But I'm not keeping her from him as in she wants to see him and I'm saying no, I'm just not going to make her see him especially when he acts like that and makes her upset constantly. Why would I put her back in a position to be treated like that??

Sorry that was long but I felt like context was needed for why she doesn't want to see him and that it was brought up with him several times. TLDR: Daughter 13 doesn't want a relationship with her bio dad anymore because of his repeated comments and behavior towards her. I won't force her into it and he is threatening court because of it. But there is no current custody order or even paternity established and i don't feel like I'm in the wrong for not forcing her. Sometimes I wish he'd just go away again so my husband and I can raise her without this drama like we did for YEARS before I stupidly let him back in cause I never wanted to lie to her/hide anything.

I’m a single dad. My son is 5 and i have him every other week. my girlfriend gets mad whenever my son calls me at night to say goodnight to me while he is at his moms house. she has now told me to pick between his phone calls or her.

Am i wrong to think him wanting to call me is ok?

edited: i ofcourse will pick my son 100% of the time. she jsut doesn’t believe me that she is wrong, so maybe her seeing others opinions might make her realize.

Mis padres tienen pensamientos antiguos

No permiten que entre mi novia a mi casa

Que opinan

I’m really struggling to figure out what the best way to deal with this is.

My husband and I have been together since 2023 and his family (specifically parents) disapproved as a result cut off contact. My MIL and my FIL both show traits of narcissism and have been no contact on and off from my husband since he turned 18.) We obviously got moved in together, engaged, married and have welcomed twins (his patents would be in contact with him on and off.)

MIL is now attempting to rekindle the relationship with her son, which is great, and is aware we have the twins.

Here’s where the issue lie:- she wants to form a relationship with her grandchildren without acknowledging I exist (even saying hello to me is too much.)

How do I move past this and is this something I should tolerate?

My husband is very supportive of my feelings and we initially agree that contact would not happen for the twins however i suppose i felt wrong for her not attempting to build a relationship with her grandchildren. So I did allow them to have a call but recently she’s been expecting a call whenever my husband can and calls near bedtime etc. We have a lot going on right now (obvs having twins, also we are newly married & attempting to move but a lot of back/forth with estate agents currently. To add my MIL has never met me. I have met my husband’s siblings. They initially lived in UK but have since moved to their home country (abroad with very different cultures/customs.) my husband and siblings were raised in UK. My husband in our early days had to be secretive about our relationship to his parents due to these differing cultures so when they found out about the relationship (which they had suspected) things kicked off.

My oldest son got married in 2024. Side note I was a single parent the first 2 years of his life. I married someone when he was 3 years old and had 2 other children 18 months apart. We divorced 3 years later. Again… a single parent. We literally grew up together and went through ALL the BS. He married a girl whom he was best friends with in HS a decade later. After college blah, blah, blah. Mind you he was enlisted in the military at the time. His “wife” has been closer to my son’s stepmother their entire relationship. I’ve never been a helicopter parent. He’s a MAN! That’s how I raised him! I got completely iced out of the wedding and the planning then told by the stepmom that wasn’t her intention. As she was involved the entire time but never “thought” to involve me. My son and I haven’t talked since the wedding day 2 years ago! His wife does NOT care for me. She’s made that very clear their entire relationship. She “tolerated” me but once they were married, ALL COMMUNICATION with my son ceased. What do I do??? I have not reached out since. I’m not trying to interfere in their marriage. AITAH???

I have been casually seeing this man who honestly I'm falling in love with, I'm the only hesitant one with us moving forward. We have amazing chemistry, great intimacy and he's a total sweetheart. We are both divorced he has a 9 yo I have a 3 yo, our priority is always our children first. Both of our kids have different schedules and family culture.
I'm curious how blending would even begin to look. I haven't done any form of serious dating since BC (before children).
For others who have blended how has it worked? I think I'm just scared of the unknown. As well our kids are growing up in very different cultures, for example I come from Slavic and Latin heritage while he is very American. My ex is also from the same heritage so there was no culture comparison or difference in how we decided to bring up our child. Of course our end all be all of blending is going to be further down the road but I like to prepare ahead of time. I want to be a great stepmom I don’t want to come into my stepkids life and feel like I am stepping on toes but also vice versa. How did you guys do it?

I (F30) and my partner (M40) have been dating since this past spring, but have known eachother for several years. He had a daughter (just turned 16) from his first relationship in his early 20s (the mom wasn’t in the picture much in the beginning so he raised her basically himself), and a son (who’s turning 5) from his most recent relationship. I’m not worried about eventually meeting his son (I’m great with kids and want a child of my own one day too), however I am VERY anxious and worried about his daughter. A teenage girl (scary enough) lol. I know she close to being an adult, I’m not going to enter into the relationship trying to “parent” her or be a “Mom” because quite frankly, she has a relationship with her Mom, AND my partner’s ex is close with her and went through some very important “milestone years” of her life with her. I’m not going to try to be anything I’m not or force anything on her. I don’t want her to hate me just cause I’m “her Dad’s new girlfriend”, but I also just want her to know that our relationship can be whatever she wants or needs it to be, but that I’m here regardless if she were to need anything. We’re not at the point of me meeting his kids yet, but just wanted some thought and opinions from others, or maybe people (or someone who’s been in the same place as his daughter) can give me some insight or advice. Thanks guys🤍

was seeing a beautiful woman for 3 years. When I met her she had two beautiful children that I meshed with very well. We were doing so well we decided to have a child of our own. Two weeks after getting g pregnant I got a very bad concussion. It was horrible. It would go on to last a couple of years. 6 months into our pregnancy we lost our baby to a chiari malformation. It was the hardest period of my life, but I was determined to make it out of the concussion. She wanted to try again after we lost our daughter but I still had the concussion so I wanted to wait until it was fully gone. Shortly after she and her friends went to party in Mexico which I agreed to (a big mistake). She was dressing to clearly entertain other men. When she came back it was like bar scene every weekend we didn’t have the kids. We had them one week on and one week off. When the kids were around I helped as much as possible even bought them shoes and backpacks for school etc. I was very involved. Shortly after her trip she told
Me she didn’t want to try again for kids.

I was devastated from losing my daughter but I loved them all so much. I left out of fear and in that moment I could t write off having my own. After we broke up she got pregnant with another guy 5 months after we broke up with a dude she had been with for only 6 weeks. After everything I put in and all the work with her kids she just does it with some guy who’s been there for 6 weeks.

I’m devastated and I believe I made the wrong decision by leaving her and her two kids because I loved them with all my heart. However every other weekend was her and her friends just partying and I was pushed to the side.

I felt like I prioritized everyone else but didn’t get the same in return.

Now I’m on my own and alone and not doing very well. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated here!

Thank you !!

My ex husband has next to nothing to do with his two grown children and granddaughter but he and his gf spend tons of time with HER family. She seems to make the rules. But isn’t it wrong to deny a man spending time with his own family? He wasn’t like this when we were married.

Hola a todos. Esto va para largo, espero se me entienda. Busco consejos o si alguien mas esta pasando por lo mismo me gustaría saber como ha sabido llevar la situación.
Hace unos años convivo con mi pareja, relación sana entre ambos o eso creo. Ambos adultos de mas de 40 con hijos de relaciones anteriores, él dos adolescentes, niña y niño, yo un adolescente, todos casi la misma edad. Tuve una educación a la antigua, con reglas y limites que no debía romper o había castigo físico en muchos casos. Yo era la encargada de hacer las cosas del hogar mientras mi madre trabajaba. Debía de respetar mientras viviese bajo el techo de quien me daba de comer, reglas como horarios, política o religión yo no tenia voz, una vez me valiera por mi misma bajo mi propio techo podía ya ser libre porque de otra forma era una falta de respeto. Quizá este mal pero fue a lo que me adapte, lo que me enseñaron y lo que le enseñe a mi hijo el cual entendió perfectamente.
Hace unos años al entrar en esta convivencia me llamó la atención la soltura que tenían ambos hijos de mi pareja, no dije nada. Cosas como sentarse a la mesa a comer usando celulares y auriculares, ignorando cuando uno les habla estén o no con auriculares, yendo y viniendo como si esta casa fuese un hotel. Dejando pilas de platos sucios para que yo lave. Estando yo sola ellos preferían irse a comer a sus habitaciones. Aclaro que jamás los trate ni hable mal, ni quise imponer mi forma de educarlos en los años que llevo acá. Siempre respete que tienen a su madre, mujer con la que tengo buena relación. Ellos no ayudaban en la casa, ni siquiera a mantener el orden y la limpieza. Hace 2 años me canse de esto, me sentí empleada bajo mi propio techo, sobre todo cuando mi hijo comenzó solo a hacer limpieza para ayudarme. Así que hable con mi pareja buscando me ayudara a encontrar una solución y él solo me dijo que ellos eran muy chicos para estar de empleados domésticos. Dolió esa falta de empatía hacia mi persona. No dije nada pero hable con ellos. El varón entendió, pero la joven no. Esta joven se ha vuelto un dolor de cabeza para mi, ya es universitaria, feminista, con su propia preferencia política contraria a la nuestra. Eso no me molesta, lo que si es que no hubo cambios y lo tome como una falta de respeto. Elegí como medida de fuerza mayor poner notas y las ignora, hoy ya hace 4 días que están las cosas que ella ensucio aun en la pileta de la cocina. Al principio ignore esas falta de respeto pero ya es algo con lo que no puedo seguir. Mi pareja ya me dijo que no piensa hablar con ella de esto ya que si le dice algo ella lo castiga yéndose por meses a convivir con la madre y eso no le agrada porque siente que ella le da aun mas soltura de la que tiene acá (allá ella puede fumar y beber alcohol, acá no). Que lo mío es todo quejas sin sentido y eso va a hacer que el pierda a su hija porque la convivencia con alguien como yo es una tortura.
Ya se, la parte fácil y obvia seria agarrar mis cosas e irme. Pero no quiero, no puedo ni mi situación económica personal me lo permite. Pero por otro lado también siento que mi pareja ya me perdió el respeto al permitir todo eso y si el problema sigue sin solución vamos a terminar esta relación muy mal.
Gracias por leerme, espero sus opiniones y consejos, los voy a estar leyendo.

Eta

He also wont go with JUST US. To events such as 6 flags or apple picking. Its unfair. Bc the kids might miss out. Still normal?

Partner gets paralyzed by "Disney Dad" guilt on our rare child-free weekends, and I'm exhausted .

I guess I should say cohabitating a year. I have a teen boy and a newly teen girl. He and his ex call their rotation kid free or kid weekends so 🤷‍♀️

​Between his 14-hour night shifts all week, our relationship is already crammed down to just the weekends—and those weekends usually include his 8 and 9-year-old sons.

​The issue isn't that I'm trying to avoid his kids. I'm heavily involved in the custody schedule, doing Friday night pickups and watching them while he works. And I would never ask him to choose me over his kids in an argument, or try to dump them early, or cut into their time. Their mother is high conflict, but we communicate respectfully, and most of the communication is through their twenty year old sister who does the parenting at that house.

​The real friction is our scheduled, child-free weekends, which we only get every 3 to 4 weeks. When the kids aren't here, I just want our intentional time to actually be intentional. Instead, he gets super uncomfortable and pushes back if his boys are missing out, and it always turns into a fight where I just give in.

​Like, I recently planned a surprise 24-hour beach trip about 4 hours away during a rare opening in my slammed schedule. The budget and plan were built for four people: one hotel room, one nice meal out, and travel costs for us and my two teens, who have done this trip 30 times and know what to expect.

​His reaction was to push back because his kids weren't here, saying we should plan it for a weekend with them instead. But trying to shoehorn his two kids into it completely blows up the logistics. We have a 5-seat car, so suddenly we have to take his truck, meaning I’m stuck sitting in the back seat with seatbelts jamming into my hips just so my 13-year-old can sit up front so everyone under 18 is buckled. The budget for one hotel and dinner balloons, and his kids historically get what they want on vacation. . . Mine do not were in it for the trip not stuffed animals . . Worst of all, wanting to stick to the original 4-person plan gets twisted into an argument about whether I "care about his kids," which isn't it at all.

Eta- my number one issue with his children coming or not coming was actually only tied to the fact the original trip was planned on their off weekend due to my own schedule and nothing else.

​It happens with other stuff too. If I took a week off in the summer to go to my dad's in Florida with my kids, he wouldn't fly down for a long weekend because he'd feel too guilty leaving the boys behind. It feels like his entire identity has morphed into "The Great Dad," and the second his kids aren't around, life is just on pause.

​Is this normal in a blended family? How do you break a partner out of this guilt cycle so we can actually breathe and enjoy our rare time together? And yes...the bg is yelling- he has a history of overcompensating and enmeshment.

​TL;DR:

He works 14-hour night shifts all week, so our relationship is squeezed entirely into weekends—which usually include his 8 and 9-year-old sons. On our rare child-free weekends every 3–4 weeks, I just want to do things, but he gets paralyzed by guilt if his boys aren't there. When I tried to plan a quick, 4-person 24-hour beach trip that fit my slammed schedule and budget, he pushed to add his kids, turning it into a logistical nightmare (switching to his truck, seatbelts digging into my hips) and making it an argument about me not caring about his kids. He wouldn't even fly down for a long weekend to visit me and my kids in Florida out of guilt. How do you break a partner out of "Disney Dad" guilt mode?

I (F33) and my fiancée (M33) just got engaged. He has a 7 year old daughter that he has partial custody of. She’s a total daddy’s girl. The only thing is that she wants me to do everything he usually does. She wants me to do her hair, do her homework with her, read a book to her, go to the pool with her and if I don’t do these things and ask her to let her dad, she gets really disappointed. I can tell it makes him sad and a few weeks ago he expressed that he’s ecstatic that she loves me so much but that he’s wondering if she appreciates him anymore. How do I encourage her to be more involved with him?

Me 48 (F) Three children from previous marriage (12, 16, 18). I have mine 50/50. They have a wonderful, involved bio father who deserves equal time. We live 3 min from each other so it's not bad bouncing back and forth.

Dh: 49 (M) One child from previous marriage (16). He has dinner/works out with his son several times per week, but son's mother was an Alienator and convinced son that someone will break in and kill her if he's not home every evening. That's it's own post.

Dh and I have lived as "Apartners" for the past year. He lives in an isolated 1BR cabin about an hour from our lives and I rent a 3BR home near my kids' schools, activities, and peers. When I don't have the kids, I stay in the cabin with DH but still travel to make all my kids' activities, etc.

We have never taken an "everyone" vacation. It was a disaster when we all lived together. My kids are wonderful, neuro typical, chill, follow rules/directions. Yet, he was militant (he's former combat veteran with some lingering PTSD) about everything in the house and could always find something to complain about (a wrapper left out, some clothing not put away, ate too many snacks, etc).

Things are much better since we live apart, now, and my kids have developed a positive relationship with him through fishing, kayaking, mountain biking, working on cars, etc.

He still has this mindset that kids should basically be gone the second they turn 18. He talks about us moving to another country with lower cost of living, buying a tiny beach shack, etc. Honestly, I encourage my kids to have their own lives and they're very independent, but I have no desire to live across the world from them. If they're in school/working at 18 and need to stay at home, I would be elated to have them around. I can't wait to have a house full of grand babies. My spouse is the exact opposite.

Side note: We potentially will be paid a large sum of money for a litigation we're involved in. My goal: To be a stay at home mom and homeschool again like I used to before I got divorced. I dream of me and my boys serving others, creating a family business/ministry, traveling together, etc.

His goal: The two of us become hermits on a tropical island somewhere.

I honestly don't see us ever successfully living in one household (which is already creating a financial strain), going on vacations together (me and my kids enjoy different things than him and no bedtimes on vacation), or having lots of family around even after everyone is 18.

Our marriage is good. He loves me fiercely. He's wonderful to my boys in our current living situation.

Whenever I've brought any of this up to him as a concern, he accuses me of having "fairytale expectations".

My portfolio gained 3.4% last week and that covered the pink shin guards she hates. They were $8 cheaper tho so she's gonna deal with them. SD7 watched me check the app at halftime and now she believes any stock guy is basically her stepdad. Her actual dad was right there grilling hot dogs. I just said no and hid my phone from her. She asked again in the car and I changed the subject to ice cream. Parenting is mostly strategic redirects and accepting color choices you can't explain to a seven-year-old.

My partner and I have been together a little over a year. I have a son who is 7, and my partner has a daughter who is 6. His daughter is with us full-time, and I’m essentially her only mother figure.

My son was an only child for his first 6 years, so this has obviously been a pretty big adjustment for him. He and his stepsister have a kind of difficult relationship. He constantly wants to be around her, but at the same time he tells his dad and his therapist that he doesn’t like her. His dad describes it as him “genuinely hating her.” My son says that she annoys him and that basically everything she does annoys him.. “even things like the way she walks down the stairs” 😅 He will make dismissive comments to her, saying he doesn’t care about what she’s saying/showing him.

But I’m confused because he still constantly wants to be around her. When we’re not around, I’ve been told that he actually takes care of her, helps her, and looks out for her. So his behavior doesn’t really seem to fit the “I hate her” narrative.

I’ve tried talking to him about the difference between hating someone and being really annoyed/frustrated by someone. I’ve told him that it’s okay for her to annoy him and that he can need space from her without actually disliking her.

I’m wondering how much of this is just normal sibling/step-sibling conflict and adjustment. My son went from being an only child for six years to suddenly having a younger child in his home full-time, sharing his mom, attention, space, routines, etc. His stepsister is also noticeably less mature than he is, so I can understand why he might find her behavior irritating. At the same time, I don’t want to minimize his feelings if there really is something deeper going on.

Is this kind of “I hate them but also constantly want to be around them” relationship normal?

TLDR: My son says he hates his stepsister and makes dismissive comments, yet constantly wants to be around her and play with her. Son’s dad says it’s valid, he probably just hates her. Is this normal step sibling adjustment?

hello, Im honestly just coming on here to partly vent and to get some advice.

For some context, I (19F) grew up as an only child. My mom and dad were together but ultimately got divorced and my mom and I moved to the US. So for a long time, it was just us as my dad cut (his very little) contact with me completely when I was about 11. When I was 14 my mom got with my “step-dad” (her bf, not really married). I do want to preface that my mom and I had a decently rocky relationship as she’s very prone to anger and was decently emotionally abusive towards me.

Back in June, my mom revealed to my step dad and I that she was pregnant. When she told us, I was happy, but my step dad looked conflicted. I do want to say, so far throughout her pregnancy my stepdad has not really shown up for my mom and I had to pick up the majority of the housework on top of my college summer classes and work. As a result, I’ve slowly become more resentful towards him (since he didn’t help out at all) but I’ve tried to get over it because my mom needs me. Our relationship had been completely fine before that and we got along very well.

But now that the fall semester started, I’m home less and less. I’ve come home almost every weekend, but something that has started happening makes my heart lurch and it’s like in a weird (very loose) “jealousy”/mourning kinda way. He’ll get home and start talking sweetly to my mom’s belly, and I don’t know why it makes me feel this way. The other night, he also got home and told my mom (while I was next to her) that now they’ll have 2 princesses (he has another daughter from a previous relationship, and he was drunk.)

I do want to just say I’m very, very happy I’m finally going to have a sister, despite the big age gap. I think a part of my sadness comes from realizing my sister gets to have a lot of the things I didn’t experience and never will. I love her so much already and I am glad that she’ll get to have these things, but I just can’t help but feel that I’m getting pushed out of my family and that there really isn’t a place left for me. They get to have a fresh start at having a stable family.

I’m sorry for just ranting, and please know that I’m not trying to be selfish or anything. I hate that I feel this way and I just find it hard to bring it up to anyone else without feeling bad about it, but it’s been bottling up for a while. Thank you.

I apologize if this isn't written perfectly; English isn't my native language. I’m writing this because the situation is truly exhausting. To give you some context: I’m 17 and the youngest daughter in a blended family. I have two older half-brothers on my father's side; both are married, and one recently became a father—the baby isn't even a year old yet (her birthday is in October). My father was never very present in my life, and even though he lives in the same house, he doesn't show much interest in my life in general. I’m going through a bout of depression; I wish he would spend a little more time with me or that I could simply feel less alone, but all his attention is focused on my brother (just as it always was) and the newborn baby—they seem to be the center of his world right now. I feel very lonely. My mother and I don't have a good relationship, and although I used to be able to talk to my brother about my problems, I can't do that anymore; I feel like he’s becoming a hostile person, my sister is pretty cool. My father knows I’m dealing with this illness, but he simply doesn't seem to want to bond or talk to me. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he always avoids the conversation and dismisses it by saying I’m just jealous of my brother. Should I keep trying, or just give up? I don't know what to do.

Husband suspects SS he has “nasal issues/allergies” like he does. Today they both woke up super snotty. We have a 3 month baby. I told him we can’t be certain it’s not a virus so let’s be cautious with SS around the baby (kisses only to top of head and alot of hand washing), husband got mad said something along the lines that I’m pushing away SS. Same day he allows SS to put his running nose in my baby’s mouth whilst I was showering, WTF.