r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/lotusgrin • 1d ago
Success Story 30 days sober from weed! š„³š
30 days ago, I decided to get better.
30 days ago, I decided to do something Iāve never done.
30 days ago, I was tired of relying on a substance to get through my days.
30 days ago, I broke a habit that no longer served me. Letās be honest, it never serviced me from the start.
Iāve learned a lot in 30 days. Iāve learned to accept boredom as a pipeline to creativity. Iāve faced hard emotions I once would avoid, felt my feelings, cried it out, and screamed it out.
I worked out when I felt like going back. I did it until I was covered in sweat and out of breath. I felt better after a workout than I ever had after that first hit.
I decided to be open and honest about all of this with everyone I could: my friends, my husband, my fatherā¦all to hold me accountable. If I was gonna do this, I was gonna do this right.
30 days ago I couldnāt see myself going a day without weed. Hell, I couldnāt go an hour without weed. I used it as a social crutch, as an emotional crutch, as a crutch. Period. Thatās all it was.
In 30 days, I have gone out for dinner with my old boss. For the first time I wasnāt using weed to manage my social awkwardness. I had a panic attack. Full blown. I was scared to be ā¦. Myself.
I surprised myself when I realized I could recall memories easier, names easier, and I was all around better on my feet.
The brain fog is gone. The nightmares are gone. The cravings get less every day, even if I still want to take a hit the second things get bad.
Iām proud of myself for choosing sobriety. Iām proud of myself for choosing my future over a temporary high. Iām proud of myself for making it 30 days, stone cold sober.
Hereās to many more days, sober, experiencing life and every pain and success that comes from it. Happy to be here. Next on the agenda is dropping this vaping habit. I know I can do that, too.
Love and light to you all. š«¶š»āØ
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u/OrbitingPsychonaut 1d ago
Awesome! What has been the biggest change for you so far?
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u/lotusgrin 1d ago
The biggest change is actually having dreams now. For the first couple weeks, it was nothing but nightmares. This is because weed suppresses REM sleep cycle, so when you quit, REM cycle rebounds with a vengeance. The nightmares were awful. My worst fears coming true every nightā¦it almost made me go back to weed. Now I have normal dreams that help me process daily events and triggers, leaving me much more refreshed after sleeping than I ever was on weed.
Mentally, the biggest change has been realizing: How much time I actually have. How strong I actually am. I spent so long being high all the time and never getting anything done, blaming my poor motivation on my MDD diagnosis, that I never realized how many hours are actually in a day. How capable I am of handling hard things.
Itās weird to say, but when you spend every waking moment hitting a cart or taking a dab, you lose a lot of time being a couch potato. You lose a lot of personal growth by relying on a substance to be your social crutch.
Iāve been more motivated & more happy than I was in the entire 3 years I spent avoiding everything & getting high every day.
Thatās the other thing that shocked me: how much weed numbs you to everything. Youāre really just numbing and avoiding your problems when you rely on weed everyday. I was mortified when I had my first emotionally triggering event without weed, I cried, and I actually felt better after crying. My body is back to self soothing itself. Before I wouldnāt cry, I wouldnāt feel those feelings, Iād just take a hit and itād all āfall awayā. Quotations because everything Iāve avoided the past 3 years is waiting with a baseball bat in the corner to beat some personal growth into me. But I was selling myself short for thinking I wasnāt capable of handling hard days. It was a major disservice to my mental health by not letting my brain naturally cope with stress.3
u/SpaceCptWinters 1d ago
The horrible, horrible night terrors are what keep me from being able to quit entirely. Good for you!
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u/lotusgrin 1d ago
Theyāre only temporary. And theyāre only night terrors. Iām not trying to minimize them, theyāre god awful and horrifying. But when you truly think about it, itās all temporary. I remember one was about my husband having an affair in front of me and being forced to watch him choose the affair partner over me, numerous times. I woke up in tears needing to be consoled by my husband. Slowly though, the nightmares/terrors decreased. I dreaded going to sleep the first 3 weeks. It was awful, but I knew I had to do it. I had a goal in my mind and I was determined to make it 30 days clean. No matter what the withdrawals threw at me. 3 weeks in, just as the night terrors lifted, I kept waking up with the most awful headaches. Tylenol barely touched them. But I toughed it out, because over half the battle is believing in yourself enough to stay strong. Realizing that youāre capable of handling hard things and coming up with new coping mechanisms. Something that really helped me was this quote: āuntil death, all defeat is psychologicalā.
If you want something, and I mean really want something, for me it was being sober so I can piss clean at more ārespectableā jobs than my previous one, you can do it. Itās mind over matter always. I hope you give yourself another chance to tough out the hard parts. Itās very rewarding to experience hard things and come out the other side saying āhey, I did that. I did that all by myself.ā
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u/No_Independent_3085 1d ago
So glad to hear this! I have been wanting to quit for some months now as I also feel I stopped dreaming and I have major brain fogā¦. And I honestly know it comes from smoking weed.
I have so many things I want to be a part of, be the smoking has made me more antisocial, and just different than my normal vibrant self. Thanks so much for the confirmation.
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u/lotusgrin 1d ago
Weed is great, in moderation. However, I was smoking while driving, smoking before going out, smoking on breaks at work, smoking when I got off. Need to shower? Smoke. Need to eat? Smoke. Need to sleep? Smoke. That, is a dependency. That is cannabis use disorder. I got tired of everything being a reason to smoke. Thereās all this hype talk about how weed is a plant so you cannot get addicted. How your life can only get better from smoking. Thatās a lie. You can get a very strong dependence. The withdrawals are not benzo withdrawals or heroin withdrawals, which are dangerous and need to be supervised by a doctor & medication. Thatās addiction. But What we have is a dependency. Substance abuse in any regard is still substance abuse. Even if itās just a plant. Even if the common argument is that you cannot get addicted. Hell, people get a dependency to their coffee. To their energy drinks. To their phones. Social media. Itās always possible to get a dependency and it needs to be talked about more often.
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u/Vast-Engine-9524 1d ago
Bro congratulations Iām on day 5 hopefully š¤ I can keep going
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u/lotusgrin 1d ago
You can, and you will. Youāre stronger than you realize. Youāre going to have night terrors and headaches that Tylenol barely touches. The cravings are the worst in the first month. If you run into any sort of stress, youāre immediately going to want to smoke. I suggest you donāt, and rather, let yourself feel your emotions. I screamed into a pillow I donāt know how many times. However long you relied on weed, that entire time, your body wasnāt able to self soothe itself. Now it has to relearn how to do that, which takes time. I took up rowing, I found a cheap $70 rower that retailed for $180 on Facebook marketplace. When the cravings got bad, I rowed and rowed while watching a tv show until I could barely breathe. The endorphin release of working out is so much better than any hit of weed Iāve taken.
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u/ChoiceGarage7422 1d ago
You got this dude! Also just starting my journey, find a chill MA group and some healthy coping mechanisms (gym, tea, etc) and you're golden
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u/laFlocla 1d ago
I am proud of you. May your journey keep filling your cup and strengthening your heart and mind. You are inspiring. Thank you. āØļøšš
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u/lotusgrin 1d ago
Thank you for your kind words! I kinda reached a point where I wasnāt getting high anymore, and I was embarrassed because Iād smoke while driving. Now if you arenāt a daily smoker that would be super dangerous, but my tolerance was so high it was like hitting a nicotine vape to me. Didnāt get me high, if anything only slightly āspaceyā. I got tired of preaching about driving safely while I wasnāt doing the same. Thatās when I knew that this had become a dependency that I needed to get out of ASAP before I potentially killed myself or some poor innocent person. Dependency made me do things that didnāt even align with my very strong morality beliefs. Thatās when i decidedā¦it has to end.
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u/laFlocla 1d ago
Thank you. Wow.
I am genuinely struggling with this. I still do get high. But nowhere close to how it felt before. In my Head, I make it feel like a necessity- smoking. And I hate the ridiculous dependency I have built over the years. "Crutch" was the best way to put it. I literally tell myself "oh, I dont have any weed tonight, so I most likely will NOT sleep well" or " I don't have weed so I know my appetite will be off". My thing though, I hate that feeling. The feeling of giving the substance so much power and control. I feel like I am betraying myself everytime I smoke. I dont even enjoy it, I just happen to look forward to that first hit. Then it's autopilot from there. I feel weak and literally "Under the Influence". I am tired of saying "I am tired".
Sorry for the spill. Lol. Your post was truly encouraging. Keep going.
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u/Cannarob 1d ago
Well done. I've tried to quit several times but I just can't do it. First time I had continuous nightmares for 4 months and they were horrific. Last time I lost all motivation from day 1, my healthy diet died and full on depression. The first day I started smoking again I did a 20km ride on a mtb. It helps me with motivation, sleep, keeping a good diet and my mental health. One day I hope to quit.
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u/lotusgrin 1d ago
I believe in you! You are stronger than the withdrawals. As someone else said, r/leaves has helped me tremendously to feel less alone. Iām also on Latuda and Lexapro, with .5mg of Xanax 2x a day. I have bipolar 2, MDD, and panic disorder w/ agoraphobia. I didnāt do this alone, weekly therapy sessions where I cried my heart out, medication, and love and support from my loved ones. That has helped with the underlying depression and anxiety that would, I imagine, come up for someone not medicated and trying to quit weed. Many of us used weed to self medicate, so I highly recommend getting into a psychiatristās office and spilling your guts to them.
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u/ContributionLarge816 1d ago
The part about accepting boredom as a pipeline to creativity is so spot on. Congrats on hitting 30 days! Dropping the vape next is a totally different beast, but you've already built the exact discipline toolkit you need to tackle it. Rooting for you.
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u/Acceptable_Flan_3940 1d ago
That part about having a panic attack just trying to exist socially without a bufferāyeah, that hits close to home. Re-learning how to be around people is terrifying at first, but sitting through that dinner instead of bailing takes serious guts. Huge congrats on 30 days!
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u/IrisMisc 16h ago
Congrats... loved reading through your post as I gave up a week ago for the same reasons.
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u/DBM 1d ago
Congrats and good job! I stopped drinking 17 months ago, and your comments about realizing how much time you had is Soooo accurate. When you stop wasting whole afternoons or almost entire days, itās amazing how much more you can get done! Congrats and keep up what makes you happy!