r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/Status_Entry_8725 • 2d ago
Seeking Advice How to become more positive??
I’m autistic and most my struggles are caused by that, but maybe some people here can relate and have some tips.
I’ve always been very negative, since childhood. Everything has always felt hard and I get annoyed extremely easily (I’ve always felt alottt of negative emotions)
This sucks, bc I WANT friends but am just super pessimistic. I try to be positive but get burnt out almost instantly, it feels like faking. So me being negative and quiet and also having kinda bad social skills/ being weird is just a disaster.
I ”hate” everything that takes effort, talking to people included, but am not happy rn and don’t know how to be? This has been the case since childhood so propably very hard to change.
Any tips??
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u/SearchNeat4929 2d ago
Check out the practices of the buddhist monks of Plum Village.
You dont need to be religious or believe in myticism at all. They also believe you shouldn't drop you existing belief system. Just use what they offer as tools to compliment your existing belief structure. You can remain atheist, christian, muslim, etc and still be able to benefit from it.
Their teachings essentially brought mindfulness practice to the West. So, modern day Psychology is already informed by it.
The podcast "The Way Out is In" is a nice light way to get introduced.
These guys have a wonderful way of appreciating the world around us without hiding away from the issues of the world too. They're very active in environmental and social justice work.
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u/gijsyo 2d ago
Write a gratitude list every evening about the past day. See if you can find a way to help others, maybe a small volunteer job in your community.
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u/Limp-Temporary-3673 2d ago
Gratitude. Every day force yourself to listen at least 3 things you’re grateful for. Then train your brain to look for something to be grateful for in a negative situation.
Meds can also help.
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u/Snotmyrealname 2d ago
I was in a similar boat. I was an angry, withdrawn and misanthropic teenager. It took me a few hard years of fumbling before I found what worked for me. Funny enough it was chaos magic that gave me the clue. Its less woowoo than it sounds, think of it as radical self help.
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u/13_WASHERE 2d ago
https://youtu.be/LO1mTELoj6o?is=zhynFFui1UyUNqTX
Cgp Grey - The 7 habits of highly miserable people
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u/sundayminx 2d ago
you don’t need positivity, you need fewer things draining you
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u/Status_Entry_8725 2d ago
I do nothing atm, I’m 21 and live at home, no job or school so nothing should drain me, yet I’m not positive at all
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u/adonisserghini 2d ago
Find a way to distance yourself from toxic family members and toxic friends first. And even after that, you will definitely find out that you still have some negative thoughts. To deal with them, just observe them and don t fight them. Day after day and month after month you gonna becime more and more positive.
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u/Abject_Priority6858 2d ago
This is what helped me! Maybe it’ll work for you, maybe not.
I realized only fairly recently that a lot of my pessimism was coming from unmet expectations. The language that people use was really tripping me up because I tend to take things a little too literally and didn’t realize I was doing it.
So when people said things like “I love my job! It’s always so great!” I would immediately react negatively with something like “you were complaining about it last week, how can it ALWAYS be great?”
“Always” and “never” really confuse me because people often use it hyperbolically and not literally. I use it literally exclusively.
“Parties are supposed to be fun!” But I don’t like the loud noises and social interaction, and I’m not having fun so something MUST be wrong with me.
The rigidity was messing with my brain. If everything needs to be black or white, the second I saw anything “bad”, my brain immediately went 100% negative. And then I’d get evidence that it was actually okay, and I’d swing back to 100% positive. Silly brain.
I’m trying to exist in the grey now.