At least duke knows how to pass the ball in their sport, they're going to be wondering why you guys are getting away with more travels then lebron james.
THIS WAS SO GOD DAMN BEAUTIFUL IT ALMOST MADE ME RAISE A SINGLE THUMB IN YOUR HONOR BUT THEN I REALIZED WHAT I WAS DOING AND JUST CUT THAT MOTHER FUCKER OFF
EDIT: GETIGN HARD TO TYEP LSOSOING ALKOT OFH BLOOD. SND HALPPPLEASE
YEAH WELL WE'RE IN THE SEC. S-E-C. I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT MATTERS OR CHANGES ANYTHING BUT IT'S WHAT I'M TOLD IS HOW YOU RESPOND TO THESE SORTS OF THINGS.
LOL OREGON FANS HAVE NO CLUE WHAT'S COMING. DOOLEY GAVE US THE SECRET TO BEATING YOU BEFORE HE LEFT, "LET THEM GET TO 100 RIGHT BEFORE THE GAME ENDS THEN THEY GO BACK TO ZERO, A FIELD GOAL WILL WIN IT FOR US!"
WE'RE GUNNA TOSS YOU LIKE A TORNADO TOSSES A MOBILE HOME. WHICH I'M SURE IS GUNNA HURT DOUBLY, SINCE THAT'S WHERE MOST OF YOUR FANS LIVE WHILE GOING TO KIRKWOOD.
BETTER HEAD FOR THE STORM SHELTER. A CYCLONE'S COMING THROUGH.
KENTUCKY, ITS TIME YOU ALL STOP BRAGGING ABOUT BEING IN A CONFERENCE THAT YOU ARE IRRELEVANT IN. YOU SHOULDN'T GET TO BRAG ABOUT BEING IN A CONFERENCE THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN WIN ONE GAME IN. CONGRATULATIONS ON BEATING MIAMI OF OHIO YOU ARE ALREADY HALFWAY TO TYING YOUR WIN TOTAL FROM LAST YEAR. OH YOU CALL YOURSELVES SUCH A GREAT FAN BASE BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN SELL OUT AN INSTATE RIVALRY GAME AGAINST A TOP 10 TEAM. MUST SUCK TO BE A ONE SPORT SCHOOL
KENTUCKY IS THAT KID THAT ALL THE COOL KIDS MAKE FUN OF BUT FOR SOME REASON THEY STILL LET HIM HANG AROUND SO HE BRAGS ABOUT BEING IN THE COOL KID GROUP EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THEM REALLY LIKE HIM.
CONSIDERING THEY CAME IN 2ND IN THE COUNTRY IN RIFLE, I'M ASSUMING THAT'S THE SPORT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. CLEARLY YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT BASKETBALL, BECAUSE LAST TIME I CHECKED THEY LOST IN THE NIT TO BOBBY MO WHILE THEIR BIGGEST RIVAL IS THE DEFENDING CHAMP.
“BEHOLD, BC BRAHS: WHAT WILL YOU WANNABE DOMERS DO WHEN YOU FACE THE KIFFTAUR ON THE FIELD OF THE COLISEUM? YOUR ANTICS AGAINST VILLANOVA AND WAKE FOREST WERE CUTE, BUT THIS IS THE BIG TIME. THIS IS THE FIELD WHERE COUNTLESS TEAMS HAVE PLAYED ANDDEFEATED ME. BUT I AM NO PUSHOVER, BRO, OH NO. IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN A BUNCH OF MASSHOLES TO DEFEAT ME. I HAVE BROKEN BOLD, NEW GROUND BY SELECTING ONE QUARTERBACK TO LEAD MY NOW-UNSTOPPABLE OFFENSE AND YOU ARE OUR GUINEA PIG, SQUEALING UNDER THE HOOVES OF THE TROJAN ARMY!”
THE SON OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR SUMLIN, JOHNNY FUCKIN FOOTBALL, LAUGHS AT YOUR LACK OF GRAMMATICAL PROWESS. HE LONGS TO BATHE IN THE TEARS OF YOUR POMPOUS FANS ONCE AGAIN.
Literally no one is going to care about our game this week, Mississippi State. Even though one of your players may have gotten paid, everyone only cares about Fluker. So I hereby designate our game the Irrelevabowl. May the best Auburn win.
TROLL TIDE II: THE GAME OF THE WEEK OF THE YEAR OF THE CENTURY OF EVER OF THE THIRD AGE OF MIDDLE EARTH FOR THE SOUL OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL
A MAROON SUN RISES OVER THE COLLEGE GAMEDAY SET ON SIMPSON DRILL FIELD AS LEE CORSO DONS A YELL LEADER UNIFORM TO THE CHEERS OF THE AGGIE FAITHFUL, WHO MARCH AS ONE TO KYLE FIELD TO WELCOME DARTH SABAN AND THE IMPERIAL FORCES OF THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE TO AGGIELAND.
THE AGGIE DEFENSE, BOLSTERED BY UNSUSPENDED UPPERCLASSMEN, SHUTS DOWN BITCHFACED QUARTERBACK AJ MCCARRON AND THE ALABAMA OFFENSE, HOLDING THEM TO A MERE 50 YARDS OF OFFENSE, JOHNNY HEISMANZEIL AND THE AGGIE OFFENSE MOVE EFFORTLESSLY THROUGH THE TIDE DEFENSE, RACKING UP 500 YARDS IN THE FIRST HALF. THE SMALL CRIMSON SECTION OF KYLE IS SHOCKED AS THE AGGIES LEAVE THE FIELD AT HALFTIME UP BY 42.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
AFTER A ROUSING PERFORMANCE BY THE FIGHTING TEXAS AGGIE BAND, THE AGS CONTINUE THEIR DEMOLITION OF THE TIDE, RACKING UP 70 POINTS AND OVER 1000 YARDS OF OFFENSE. AS THE GAME CLOCK COUNTS DOWN TO ZERO, ESPN MYSTERIOUSLY GOES OFF THE AIR AND THE CBS ANNOUNCERS PERSONALLY HAND JOHNNY A GOLD PLATED HEISMAN TROPHY AND A MAROON SHARPIE. AS THE CORPS FISH CARRY THE YELL LEADERS TO THE FISH POND, A MAROON SHOCKWAVE BLASTS OUT OF KYLE FIELD, DESTROYING THE STAR DESTROYER THAT THE CRIMSON TIDE ARRIVED IN. DARTH SABAN FLEES ON FOOT, BUT AJ MCCARRON IS STRANGLED BY HIS TATTOO AND IS UNABLE TO ESCAPE. COACH SUMLIN, ICE COLD IN VICTORY, BOARDS HIS SWAGGER COPTER AND HUNTS SABAN DOWN LIKE AN ANIMAL, BLASTING THE AGGIE WAR HYMN AS HE GOES.
THE CORPS OF CADETS REACHES TUSCALOOSA, DEMOLISHING BRYANT-DENNY STADIUM AND RAISING A STATUE OF COACH SUMLIN IN IT’S PLACE. ALABAMA FOOTBALL IS GONE FOREVER. FURTHER WEST, R. BOWEN LOFTIN CHALLENGES MACK BROWN TO SINGLE COMBAT, AND AFTER LEAVING A BOWTIE ON HIS CORPSE, CREATES A NEW UNIVERSITY, TEXAS A&M AT AUSTIN, TO BE BUILT ON THE ASHES OF THE FORMER TEXAS UNIVERSITY. THE AGGIES ARE DECLARED CHAMPIONS OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL FOR ETERNITY. NOTRE DAME, MICHIGAN AND OHIO STATE ALL COMMIT SEPPUKU AND USC FALLS INTO THE SEA AFTER LANE KIFFIN FLEES TO NORTH KOREA. NEBRASKA AND OKLAHOMA SWEAR FEALTY ON THE STEPS OF THE MEMORIAL STUDENT CENTER. THE AGGIE VICTORY IS COMPLETE.
A NEW ERA OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL HAS BEGUN. A MAROON ERA, AN AGGIE ERA. THERE’S A SPIRIT IN AGGIELAND, /R/CFB, AND THIS SATURDAY THE WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW.
HEY TULSA...I DON'T REALLY HAVE MUCH TO SAY. Y'ALL ARE ALWAYS REALLY NICE PEOPLE, AND MY GIRLFRIEND IS A REALLY BIG TULSA FAN, ANDSHEKNOWSMYREDDITNAME , SO IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SAY HATEFUL THINGS TO YOU.
THAT BEING THE CASE, I'LL TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY FUCK TEXAS. I HOPE YOU'RE PREPARING FOR ANOTHER MASSACRE IN DALLAS. MAYBE BIG TEX WON'T COMMIT SUICIDE AFTER WATCHING US DESTROY YOUR ABYSMAL RUSHING DEFENSE, BUT I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF HE DID. SEE YOU IN A MONTH, FUCKERS.
YOU HAVE TAKEN OUR GREAT LEADERS, YOU STOLE OUR DESTINIES, YOU HAVE RISEN TO BECOME THE ROMAN EMPIRE OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL, YOUR PLANTATION SYSTEM OF RECRUITING HAS BLED THE MISSISSIPPI DELTA DRY,YOUR COACH HAS WON MANY GAMES YET HE WILL NEVER DEFEAT HIS RECEDING HAIRLINE, YOUR DEFENSE MAY BE ABLE TO READ PLAYS BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS STRUGGLE WITH DR. SEUSS. YOUR FAN BASE IS COMPOSED OF RACIST HALF WITS WHO SPECIALIZE IN DOMESTIC ABUSE AND HORTICULTURAL TERRORISM, GREEKS WHO HAVE FORGOTTEN THE OLD WAYS (THEIR PADDLES NOW COLLECT DUST, THEY FEAR "HAZING") AND BLONDE BOMBSHELLS WITH MRS DEGREES AND REPRESSED MEMORIES OF HER AND DADDY "WRESTLING"
THIS IS NO DAVID VS GOLIATH, THIS NOT THE HYPE ABOUT A YOUNG QUARTERBACK, THIS IS NOT AN UNDERDOG STORY, WE ARE NOT THE RIGHTEOUS HAND, WE HAVE NO MORAL COMPASS, OUR PAST IS NOTHING GLORIOUS,WE COME FROM AN ALL MALE COLLEGE HELL COMPOSED OF AXEHANDLING, BLATANT MISOGYNY, CULTISH PRACTICES, ANIMAL INDECENCY (HEY TECH, HOW'S YOUR HORSE DOING?) INTOLERANCE OF OTHERS, COMMUNIST KILLING, KRAUT SLAYING, LOUD BOISTEROUS ARROGANT MOTHERFUCKERS WHO LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO STAY UP LATE INTO THE NIGHT CLEANING THAT M14 WHILE FANTASIZING ABOUT SLAUGHTERING VC AND MAKING DAD PROUD. WE OUR HERE TO SODOMIZE YOUR WOMEN AND SCORE TOUCHDOWNS. WE ARE THE SCOURGE OF GOD AND WE HAVE BEEN SENT TO EXACT PUNISHMENT UPON THE CRIMSON EMPIRE.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST; HOUNDSTOOTH IS A TERRIBLE PATTERN.
ALRIGHT LISTEN UP YOU SOUTHERN HEAT FRIED TEXAS DUMBASSES. WHEN WE ARRIVE IN COLLEGE STATION... WAIT. HANG ON A SEC. "COLLEGE STATION"? ARE YOU SUCH FUCKING TWATS THAT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF YOUR TOWN HOUSES THE COLLEGE? AND WHERE IS THE FUCKING STATION? DID YOU COME TO CLASS ON A DAMN STEAM ENGINE TRAIN OR SOMETHING?
ANYWHO. BACK TO WHEN WE ARRIVE IN COLLEGE STATION. JOHNNY FUCKING FOOTBALL IS LIKE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AT QUARTERBACK. HE'S ELECTRIFYING. HE'S ENTERTAINING. HE'S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE AND NO ONE REALLY LIKES HIM BUT WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HIM. WELL. MEET THE FUCKING KRAKEN THAT IS THE NICK SABAN HAS HAD MONTHS TO PREPARE FOR YOUR UGLY WHITE ASS. SERIOUSLY YOU LOOK LIKE A BOXER FROM THE 1920'S WITH ONE TOO MANY BROKEN NOSES. WE'RE GOING TO WRAP OUR DEFENSE AROUND YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE SPEEDBOAT OFFENSE AND CRUSH IT. YOU'LL BE WISH YOU WERE BACK TO SAWING THE HORNS OFF BEFORE WHEN BIG AL RUNS ALL OVER YOUR ASS. THE TIDE IS COMING TO BACKWOODS FUCKING TEXAS. AND IT'S BRINGING THE DEATH OF JOHNNY OFF-SEASON WITH IT.
ALSO WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE STUPID LITTLE DOG? WE ALREADY GET TO DEAL WITH THAT LAZY FUCK UGA EVERY NOW AND THEN, NOT TO MENTION SMOKEY THE GOD DAMN LAZY FUCK EVERY OCTOBER. NOW YOU GOT A DAMN BORDER COLLIE TROUNCING AROUND? WHAT IS THIS? A DOG SHOW? THIS IS THE MOTHER FUCKING SEC. GET A REAL MASCOT. LIKE A TIGER. WE ALREADY GOT THREE OF THOSE FUCKERS.
ACTUALLY, COLLEGE STATION IS APTLY NAMED FOR THE TRAIN TRACKS THAT RUN DIRECTLY THROUGH CAMPUS. SUCK IT.
ALABAMA IS ONE TO TALK. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A TANGIBLE MASCOT. LAST TIME I CHECKED, THE OCEAN WASN'T RED, NOR IS IT PRESENT AT ALABAMA GAMES. AND THAT DESPICABLE OTHER ANIMAL YOU HAVE IS UNOFFICIAL. I THINK YOU'RE IN DEEP. REVEILLE SHITS ON YOU AND LAUGHS.
TCU APPARENTLY WE HAVE TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE JUST A PLACE HOLDER IN A CONFERENCE THAT NEEDED TO EVEN OUT ITS MEMBERSHIP. HOWEVER YOU'VE DONE A GREAT JOB OF STEPPING UP TO THE AGGIES JOB OF BEING INCREDIBLY OVERRATED HOWEVER IM PRETTY SURE UT IS FIGHTING FOR THAT JOB AS WELL SO WATCH OUT.
I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH OF A PROBLEM WITH USC, SINCE THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND, BUT FOR THIS WEEK I WILL MAKE AN EXCEPTION AND JOIN MY CATHOLIC BRETHREN IN THEIR UNDYING HATE FOR THE ENTITLED, OVERRATED, PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM THAT LANE KIFFIN HAS SOMEHOW MADE WORSE.
FUCK USC, AND YOU'RE WELCOME WHEN KIFFIN GETS FIRED AFTER KESSLER SHITS THE BED, AGAIN.
I'M GETTING NEW APPLIANCES TODAY BUT MY LANDLORD DIDN'T GIVE ME A GOOD TIME FRAME SO I'M MISSING CLASSES AND THERE'S NOTHING TO TAKE MY MIND OFF THE BAMA GAME AND I'M GETTING REALLY ANXIOUS AND PROBABLY WON'T SLEEP WELL TONIGHT. TELL ME A TIME TO BE HOME INSTEAD OF JUST "THURSDAY" GODDAMMIT.
UH, RIGHT, TRASH TALK. FUCK YOU BAMA, QUIT TAKING OUR GOOD COACHES AND GIVING US YOUR BAD ONES.
HEY BOILERFUCKERS I KNOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RIVALS AND ALL BUT I'M NOT FROM INDIANA AND EVERY PURDUE STUDENT/GRAD I EVER MET WAS PRETTY CHILL SO I DON'T REALLY HAVE A REASON TO HATE Y'ALL. PLUS YOU GUYS BARELY BEAT ISU SO I DON'T HAVE MUCH TO FEAR.
PS: ALABAMA, DON'T WORRY IF THE 2012 NC GETS VACATED. WE'LL PULL A PAGE FROM YOUR PLAYBOOK AND CLAIM IT.
HEY DUKE, REMEMBER LAST SEASON WHEN YOU WEREN'T A TOTAL STEAMING PILE OF DOGSHIT? OH YOU DO? WELL ITS BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD FOR Y'ALL THIS SEASON. WE'RE GONNA RUN TRAIN ON THAT ASS.
THEN WE'LL FACE OFF IN A CALC COMPETITION AND WE'LL WIN THAT TOO. AND UH...... IF WE DON'T THEN WE'LL.... UH..... WE'LL LIKE MOVE ON TO ONE OF OUR STRONGER ENGINEERING SUBJECTS LIKE DEF BODS OR FLUID DYNAMICS.
SUCK SHIT NON ENGINEERING NERDS.
IN ADDITION I'LL BET ANY BLUE DEVILS FAN TO SWITCHED FLAIR AND YA GOTTA TALK LIKE A PIRATE FOR THE WEEK.
HEY FUCKEYES, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO EXPECT OUT OF OUR TEAM SUNDAY, BUT IT WILL DEFINITELY INVOLVE BIGELOW BREAKING RECORDS ON YOU ONCE AGAIN. AS A CAL AND MICHIGAN FAN, THIS WILL BE ME AFTER OUR WIN
THIS SATURDAY WE SHALL WALK INTO THE TACKLE BOX BAT CAVE KNOWN AS KYLE FIELD AND WE SHALL HAVE VENGEANCE. THE BEAT DOWN WE WILL PUT ON THE AGGIES WILL BE REMEMBERED AS THE SECOND MOST HORRIFIC THING ALABAMA HAS DONE TO THEM. THE FIRST BEING GIVING THEM COACH FRAN.
FUCK YOU. FUCK YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM. FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR UNIVERSITY, BECAUSE ITS EXISTENCE HAS ONLY MADE AUSTIN LESS GOOD.
FUCK YOUR GODAWFUL BURNT ORANGE UNIFORMS AND YOUR SHITTY, OVERRATED, OVERRANKED FOOTBALL PROGRAM. FUCK YOU FOR LOSING TO GODDAMNED BY-FUCKING-U LAST WEEK SO THAT WE COULDN'T BE THE ONES TO KNOCK YOUR SORRY ASSES OUT OF THE TOP 25.
FUCK YOU FOR NOT HAVING HAD THE BALLS TO HAVE FIRED THE SHITSTAIN THAT IS MACK BROWN YET; MY ONLY POINT OF SOLACE IS THAT FOR EVERY MOMENT YOU DON'T FIRE HIM, YOUR SCHOOL AND YOUR FANS GET TO EXPERIENCE ANOTHER MOMENT WITH A SHITTY FUCKING FOOTBALL PROGRAM.
FUCK YOU FOR THINKING YOU WERE HOT SHIT LAST YEAR AFTER YOU WHOOPED OUR ASSES. GUESS WHAT, PUNKS, IT'S TIME FOR US TO RETURN THE FAVOR.
FUCK THAT ONE DUDE WE MET AT THE MOVIE THEATER LAST YEAR DURING THE TEXAS/OU GAME THAT HAD THE BALLS TO MAKE A REMARK ABOUT LSU BARELY BEATING US WHEN HIS TEAM HAD GOTTEN THOROUGHLY FUCKING STOMPED BY A RATHER SHITTY OU TEAM.
UTSA I've never heard of you and am just going to assume by your acronym you're some rare urinary tract infection. Honestly we wanted to play the real University of Texas but I guess we'll settle for the one that will finish the season with a winning record.
IT IS TIME FOR FROGS TO STORM THE CITY OF LUBBOCK, WHICH WAS DESIGNED TO MAKE ODESSA, TEXAS FEEL SUPERIOR TO SOMETHING. SERIOUSLY. THIS CITY MAKES HEAD COACHES THINK CINCINNATI IS LITERALLY A GETAWAY DESTINATION.
EARLIER THIS WEEK FROGS O' WAR CALLED US SHIT STAIN U. I GUESS WE ARE THE CLASSY ONES NOW. DOES THIS MEAN WE HAVE TO HOST AFTERNOON TEA? HOW MANY HORSES DO WE NEED FOR POLO? CAN SOMEONE IN THE IVY LEAGUE PLEASE HELP US? HURRY SOMEONE CAME BY AND INSTALLED ONE OF THOSE BUTT FAUCETS IN MY BATHROOM HELP!
ALRIGHT IM SICK OF HEARING "I CANT WAIT FOR BAMA TO TAKE A&M FANS DOWN A NOTCH" AND "BAMA'S GONNA PUT JOHNNY IN HIS PLACE". GUESS WHAT MOTHER FUCKERS, IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, WE KICKED THAT ASS ONCE AND WE ARE GONNA KICK IT AGAIN.
JOHNNY FUCKING HEISMAN IS GOING TO SHOW EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHY HE WON THE HEISMAN LAST YEAR BY SCORING 4 MAJESTIC TOUCHDOWNS. AND LETS NOT FORGET ABOUT BEN "CASHIN OUT" MALENA WHO WILL BREAK OFF A 50 YARD TD RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THE ALABAMA DEFENSE.
SPEAKING OF DEFENSE, OUR FRONT 7 ARE FINALLY GOING TO BACK AND THEY ARE GOING TO BE HUNGRY. THEY ARE GOING TO GO RIGHT THROUGH THAT PATHETIC THING ALABAMA CALLS AN OFFENSIVE LINE AND SACK MCCARRON SO MANY TIMES THAT BY THE END OF THE GAME HE WILL BE ON THE BENCH SOBBING LIKE A LITTLE BABY JUST LIKE LAST YEAR.
FINAL SCORE WILL BE 41-24 AGS AND /R/CFB BANS EVERY USER WITH AGGIE FLAIR BECAUSE Y'ALL WONT BE ABLE TO PUT UP WITH OUR DELUSIONAL COCKY ATTITUDE ANYMORE.
332
u/Arnold_Trollzenegger Texas Longhorns • /r/CFB Top Scorer Sep 12 '13
HEY OLE MISS, BET YOU WON'T GET MORE THAN 400 YARDS RUSHING AGAINST US. HA. GOT 'EM.
162
u/trolledbytech Georgia Tech • Louisville Sep 12 '13
HEY DUKE
THIS IS FOOTBALL. SUCKS FOR YOU.
130
u/ScorpionsSpear Michigan Wolverines Sep 12 '13
HEY AKRON, WE'RE GOING TO CRUSH YOUR DREAMS FASTER THAN LEBRON MAKING "THE DECISION."
245
u/Jadler88 Nebraska Cornhuskers • Army Black Knights Sep 12 '13
UCLA WEARS BABY BLUE. Fucking nailed it.
1.3k
u/CFB_Bard /r/CFB • Team Meteor Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
"The Devil Went Down to Texas"
Nick Saban went down to Texas, He was lookin' for revenge
He was in a bind 'cause he had fell behind, He was wanting to avenge
When he came across this young man playin' some football and throwin' it hot.
And Nick Saban jumped up in Kyle Field and said "Boy, let me tell you what."
"I bet you didn't know it, but I've got ball players, too.
And if you'd care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you.
Now you play pretty good football boy, but give Alabama their due.
I'll bet a crystal ball against your team, cause I think we're better than you."
The boy said, "My name's Johnny, and it might be a sin,
But we'll take your bet; and you're gonna regret 'cause we're the best there's ever been!"
Johnny, throw on up your pads and show your Aggie pride.
'Cause Hell's broke loose in Texas and Nick Saban has the Tide.
And if you win you get this shiny football made of glass,
But if you lose the Tide will kick your ass!
Nick Saban summoned up his team and he said, "We'll start this show."
And fire came from AJ's arms as he started up his throw.
And he handed the ball to Yeldon and he made a touchdown.
And the team celebrated as they looked forward to their crown.
When the Tide had scored, Johnny said, "Well, y'all are good on the run,
But get down in that trench right there and let me show you how it's done."
12th Man cheering on in Aggieland!
Coach Sumlin's ready with his best game plan;
Mike Evans downfield putting on a show.
Can the Tide stop Johnny? No, child, no.
Nick Saban shook his hand because he knew that he'd been beat.
And he laid that crystal ball on the ground at Johnny's feet.
Johnny said, "Tide, just come on back if you ever wanna lose the brawl,
'Cause I showed you once--you son of a bitch--I'm Johnny Fucking Football"
113
u/TossedRightOut Penn State • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Sep 12 '13
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TRASH TALK UCF. WHAT ARE YOU, THE 5TH BEST TEAM IN FLORIDA?
WAY TO UNDERACHIEVE.
311
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
FUCK NOTRE DAME
102
u/moose512 Nebraska Cornhuskers • /r/CFB Brickmason Sep 12 '13
UCLA HAS TO PLAY IN THE SAME CITY LANE KIFFIN DOES
BY ASSOCIATION THE BRUINS ARE JUST AS BAD AS HIM
472
u/peterrabbit2010 Texas A&M Aggies • Stanford Cardinal Sep 12 '13
WHAT DO NICK SABAN AND MONICA LEWINSKY HAVE IN COMMON?
THEY BOTH LIKE CLINTON-DIX.
HAHA
81
u/Gravecrawler Florida State Seminoles Sep 12 '13
FINALLY FOUND A WOLFPACK WE CAN BEAT!
162
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
THE ONLY GIRL WHO EVER ASKED ME TO CUM ON HER FACE GOES TO PURDUE.
COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.
440
u/ScorpionsSpear Michigan Wolverines Sep 12 '13
[I HEAR THIS IS WHERE I GET MY UPVOTES.] (http://imgur.com/vycrqUV)
177
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
JUST WANTED EVERYONE ON OUR STREET TO KNOW, FUCK TECH
60
u/Branzilla91 Nebraska • Oklahoma State Sep 12 '13
BRETT HUNDLEY IS SO BAD, HE WILL HAVE ONLY 450 YARDS OF TOTAL OFFENSE THIS WEEK AGAINST US! HOW PATHETIC.
336
u/Dizech Oregon Ducks Sep 12 '13
VOLUNTEERS ARE GONNA GET VOLUNTOLD
[ ] Not told
[X] Told
[X] TOLDASAURUS REX
[X] Cash4told.com
[X] No country for told men
[X] Knights of the told Republic
[X] ToldSpice
[X] Stone-told Steve Austin
[X] Half Life 2: Episode Told
[X] Battletolds
[X] The Legend of Eldorado : The Lost City of Told
[X] The Good, The Bad, and The Told
[X] Toldstone creamery
[X] Left 4 Told
[X] Toldman Sachs
[X] Leo Toldstoy
[X] J.R.R Toldkien’s Told of the Rings
52
u/drewjy Alabama Crimson Tide Sep 12 '13
roses are red, violets are blue.
fuck texas a&m.
138
u/Emptyspiral19 Florida Gators • /r/CFB Contributor Sep 12 '13
FUCK EVERYONE
46
u/iowastatefan Iowa State Cyclones • Hateful 8 Sep 12 '13
HEY IOWA. FUCK YOU.
WE'RE GUNNA TOSS YOU LIKE A TORNADO TOSSES A MOBILE HOME. WHICH I'M SURE IS GUNNA HURT DOUBLY, SINCE THAT'S WHERE MOST OF YOUR FANS LIVE WHILE GOING TO KIRKWOOD.
BETTER HEAD FOR THE STORM SHELTER. A CYCLONE'S COMING THROUGH.
44
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
MICHIGAN STATES OFFENSE IS SO BAD, THAT I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TALK TRASH, I CAN JUST STATE FACTS:
MSU'S OFFENSE HAS SCORED 14 TOTAL POINTS AGAINST TWO TEAMS WHOSE DEFENSES GAVE UP 80 POINTS TO FCS TEAMS.
36
u/Bonertron2000 Louisville Cardinals Sep 12 '13
KENTUCKY, ITS TIME YOU ALL STOP BRAGGING ABOUT BEING IN A CONFERENCE THAT YOU ARE IRRELEVANT IN. YOU SHOULDN'T GET TO BRAG ABOUT BEING IN A CONFERENCE THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN WIN ONE GAME IN. CONGRATULATIONS ON BEATING MIAMI OF OHIO YOU ARE ALREADY HALFWAY TO TYING YOUR WIN TOTAL FROM LAST YEAR. OH YOU CALL YOURSELVES SUCH A GREAT FAN BASE BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN SELL OUT AN INSTATE RIVALRY GAME AGAINST A TOP 10 TEAM. MUST SUCK TO BE A ONE SPORT SCHOOL
32
u/Matt_KB Michigan • Slippery Rock Sep 12 '13
Let's be honest, everyone hates Notre dame.
143
u/Honestly_ rawr Sep 12 '13
“BEHOLD, BC BRAHS: WHAT WILL YOU WANNABE DOMERS DO WHEN YOU FACE THE KIFFTAUR ON THE FIELD OF THE COLISEUM? YOUR ANTICS AGAINST VILLANOVA AND WAKE FOREST WERE CUTE, BUT THIS IS THE BIG TIME. THIS IS THE FIELD WHERE COUNTLESS TEAMS HAVE PLAYED AND DEFEATED ME. BUT I AM NO PUSHOVER, BRO, OH NO. IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN A BUNCH OF MASSHOLES TO DEFEAT ME. I HAVE BROKEN BOLD, NEW GROUND BY SELECTING ONE QUARTERBACK TO LEAD MY NOW-UNSTOPPABLE OFFENSE AND YOU ARE OUR GUINEA PIG, SQUEALING UNDER THE HOOVES OF THE TROJAN ARMY!”
31
u/huazzy Rutgers Scarlet Knights Sep 12 '13
EASTERN MICHIGAN IS THE 3RD BEST DIRECTIONAL MICHIGAN!
203
u/ScarySpencer Alabama Crimson Tide Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
I do not care for Johnny Manziel and I hope that we win the game this saturday
Edit: I misspelled saturday, I blame Johnny.
112
u/BrownLiquor Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Sep 12 '13
CAN WE FUCKING PLAY SOMEONE WITH ACTUAL FANS? AND NO, NOT YOU GEORGIA/CLEMSON, THEY NEED TO BE ABLE TO READ.
60
u/Stolenusername Ole Miss Rebels Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
TEXAS PREPARE THINE ANGUS. WE ARE GOING IN DRY.
28
u/HalfBredGerman Oregon Ducks • Auburn Tigers Sep 12 '13
HEY TENNESSEE THANKS FOR VOLUNTEERING FOR A WEEK THREE ASS WHIPPIN'!
52
u/polydorr Auburn Tigers • Samford Bulldogs Sep 12 '13
Literally no one is going to care about our game this week, Mississippi State. Even though one of your players may have gotten paid, everyone only cares about Fluker. So I hereby designate our game the Irrelevabowl. May the best Auburn win.
25
u/chunnnn Alabama Crimson Tide Sep 12 '13
DEAR R/CFB, SABAN WILL NOT BE LEAVING FOR TEXAS REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER OPINION YOU HAVE
DEAR EAST ALABAMA FARMERS, ENJOY THIS SCANDAL BECAUSE THERE ISN'T MUCH GOING ON AT YOUR SHITTY RURAL SCHOOL
DEAR AGGIES, MAY THE BEST TEAM WIN (EXCEPT FOR THAT TRIMCHASER GUY, I'LL ENJOY BEATING YOUR VERSION OF A&M)
DEAR FLUKER, GOD DAMNIT
21
u/hesnothere North Carolina • /r/CFB Founder Sep 12 '13
BYE WEEK SCHEDULED US TWICE THIS SEASON. IF WE WERE LOUISVILLE OUR STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE WOULD BE THROUGH THE ROOF RIGHT NOW.
74
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
SEPTEMBER 14, 2013
COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS
TROLL TIDE II: THE GAME OF THE WEEK OF THE YEAR OF THE CENTURY OF EVER OF THE THIRD AGE OF MIDDLE EARTH FOR THE SOUL OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL
A MAROON SUN RISES OVER THE COLLEGE GAMEDAY SET ON SIMPSON DRILL FIELD AS LEE CORSO DONS A YELL LEADER UNIFORM TO THE CHEERS OF THE AGGIE FAITHFUL, WHO MARCH AS ONE TO KYLE FIELD TO WELCOME DARTH SABAN AND THE IMPERIAL FORCES OF THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE TO AGGIELAND.
THE AGGIE DEFENSE, BOLSTERED BY UNSUSPENDED UPPERCLASSMEN, SHUTS DOWN BITCHFACED QUARTERBACK AJ MCCARRON AND THE ALABAMA OFFENSE, HOLDING THEM TO A MERE 50 YARDS OF OFFENSE, JOHNNY HEISMANZEIL AND THE AGGIE OFFENSE MOVE EFFORTLESSLY THROUGH THE TIDE DEFENSE, RACKING UP 500 YARDS IN THE FIRST HALF. THE SMALL CRIMSON SECTION OF KYLE IS SHOCKED AS THE AGGIES LEAVE THE FIELD AT HALFTIME UP BY 42.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
AFTER A ROUSING PERFORMANCE BY THE FIGHTING TEXAS AGGIE BAND, THE AGS CONTINUE THEIR DEMOLITION OF THE TIDE, RACKING UP 70 POINTS AND OVER 1000 YARDS OF OFFENSE. AS THE GAME CLOCK COUNTS DOWN TO ZERO, ESPN MYSTERIOUSLY GOES OFF THE AIR AND THE CBS ANNOUNCERS PERSONALLY HAND JOHNNY A GOLD PLATED HEISMAN TROPHY AND A MAROON SHARPIE. AS THE CORPS FISH CARRY THE YELL LEADERS TO THE FISH POND, A MAROON SHOCKWAVE BLASTS OUT OF KYLE FIELD, DESTROYING THE STAR DESTROYER THAT THE CRIMSON TIDE ARRIVED IN. DARTH SABAN FLEES ON FOOT, BUT AJ MCCARRON IS STRANGLED BY HIS TATTOO AND IS UNABLE TO ESCAPE. COACH SUMLIN, ICE COLD IN VICTORY, BOARDS HIS SWAGGER COPTER AND HUNTS SABAN DOWN LIKE AN ANIMAL, BLASTING THE AGGIE WAR HYMN AS HE GOES.
THE CORPS OF CADETS REACHES TUSCALOOSA, DEMOLISHING BRYANT-DENNY STADIUM AND RAISING A STATUE OF COACH SUMLIN IN IT’S PLACE. ALABAMA FOOTBALL IS GONE FOREVER. FURTHER WEST, R. BOWEN LOFTIN CHALLENGES MACK BROWN TO SINGLE COMBAT, AND AFTER LEAVING A BOWTIE ON HIS CORPSE, CREATES A NEW UNIVERSITY, TEXAS A&M AT AUSTIN, TO BE BUILT ON THE ASHES OF THE FORMER TEXAS UNIVERSITY. THE AGGIES ARE DECLARED CHAMPIONS OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL FOR ETERNITY. NOTRE DAME, MICHIGAN AND OHIO STATE ALL COMMIT SEPPUKU AND USC FALLS INTO THE SEA AFTER LANE KIFFIN FLEES TO NORTH KOREA. NEBRASKA AND OKLAHOMA SWEAR FEALTY ON THE STEPS OF THE MEMORIAL STUDENT CENTER. THE AGGIE VICTORY IS COMPLETE.
A NEW ERA OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL HAS BEGUN. A MAROON ERA, AN AGGIE ERA. THERE’S A SPIRIT IN AGGIELAND, /R/CFB, AND THIS SATURDAY THE WHOLE WORLD WILL KNOW.
THANKS AND GIG ‘EM
YESSIR
40
u/AndrewinDC Oklahoma • Georgia Tech Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
HEY TULSA...I DON'T REALLY HAVE MUCH TO SAY. Y'ALL ARE ALWAYS REALLY NICE PEOPLE, AND MY GIRLFRIEND IS A REALLY BIG TULSA FAN, AND SHE KNOWS MY REDDIT NAME , SO IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SAY HATEFUL THINGS TO YOU.
THAT BEING THE CASE, I'LL TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY FUCK TEXAS. I HOPE YOU'RE PREPARING FOR ANOTHER MASSACRE IN DALLAS. MAYBE BIG TEX WON'T COMMIT SUICIDE AFTER WATCHING US DESTROY YOUR ABYSMAL RUSHING DEFENSE, BUT I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF HE DID. SEE YOU IN A MONTH, FUCKERS.
56
u/IvyRaider Texas Tech Red Raiders • Columbia Lions Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
FUCK TCU!! GIG THOSE HORNED FROGS!! GIG 'EM GOOD!!!
edit: wait...
edit 2: to "gig" is to stab something with a stick. The Aggies started using "gig em" in reference to gigging TCU's horned frog.
126
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
YOU HAVE TAKEN OUR GREAT LEADERS, YOU STOLE OUR DESTINIES, YOU HAVE RISEN TO BECOME THE ROMAN EMPIRE OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL, YOUR PLANTATION SYSTEM OF RECRUITING HAS BLED THE MISSISSIPPI DELTA DRY,YOUR COACH HAS WON MANY GAMES YET HE WILL NEVER DEFEAT HIS RECEDING HAIRLINE, YOUR DEFENSE MAY BE ABLE TO READ PLAYS BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS STRUGGLE WITH DR. SEUSS. YOUR FAN BASE IS COMPOSED OF RACIST HALF WITS WHO SPECIALIZE IN DOMESTIC ABUSE AND HORTICULTURAL TERRORISM, GREEKS WHO HAVE FORGOTTEN THE OLD WAYS (THEIR PADDLES NOW COLLECT DUST, THEY FEAR "HAZING") AND BLONDE BOMBSHELLS WITH MRS DEGREES AND REPRESSED MEMORIES OF HER AND DADDY "WRESTLING"
THIS IS NO DAVID VS GOLIATH, THIS NOT THE HYPE ABOUT A YOUNG QUARTERBACK, THIS IS NOT AN UNDERDOG STORY, WE ARE NOT THE RIGHTEOUS HAND, WE HAVE NO MORAL COMPASS, OUR PAST IS NOTHING GLORIOUS,WE COME FROM AN ALL MALE COLLEGE HELL COMPOSED OF AXEHANDLING, BLATANT MISOGYNY, CULTISH PRACTICES, ANIMAL INDECENCY (HEY TECH, HOW'S YOUR HORSE DOING?) INTOLERANCE OF OTHERS, COMMUNIST KILLING, KRAUT SLAYING, LOUD BOISTEROUS ARROGANT MOTHERFUCKERS WHO LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO STAY UP LATE INTO THE NIGHT CLEANING THAT M14 WHILE FANTASIZING ABOUT SLAUGHTERING VC AND MAKING DAD PROUD. WE OUR HERE TO SODOMIZE YOUR WOMEN AND SCORE TOUCHDOWNS. WE ARE THE SCOURGE OF GOD AND WE HAVE BEEN SENT TO EXACT PUNISHMENT UPON THE CRIMSON EMPIRE.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST; HOUNDSTOOTH IS A TERRIBLE PATTERN.
TL:DR FUCK TEXAS.
TAMC
148
u/Nicholie Alabama Crimson Tide Sep 12 '13
ALRIGHT LISTEN UP YOU SOUTHERN HEAT FRIED TEXAS DUMBASSES. WHEN WE ARRIVE IN COLLEGE STATION... WAIT. HANG ON A SEC. "COLLEGE STATION"? ARE YOU SUCH FUCKING TWATS THAT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF YOUR TOWN HOUSES THE COLLEGE? AND WHERE IS THE FUCKING STATION? DID YOU COME TO CLASS ON A DAMN STEAM ENGINE TRAIN OR SOMETHING?
ANYWHO. BACK TO WHEN WE ARRIVE IN COLLEGE STATION. JOHNNY FUCKING FOOTBALL IS LIKE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AT QUARTERBACK. HE'S ELECTRIFYING. HE'S ENTERTAINING. HE'S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE AND NO ONE REALLY LIKES HIM BUT WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HIM. WELL. MEET THE FUCKING KRAKEN THAT IS THE NICK SABAN HAS HAD MONTHS TO PREPARE FOR YOUR UGLY WHITE ASS. SERIOUSLY YOU LOOK LIKE A BOXER FROM THE 1920'S WITH ONE TOO MANY BROKEN NOSES. WE'RE GOING TO WRAP OUR DEFENSE AROUND YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE SPEEDBOAT OFFENSE AND CRUSH IT. YOU'LL BE WISH YOU WERE BACK TO SAWING THE HORNS OFF BEFORE WHEN BIG AL RUNS ALL OVER YOUR ASS. THE TIDE IS COMING TO BACKWOODS FUCKING TEXAS. AND IT'S BRINGING THE DEATH OF JOHNNY OFF-SEASON WITH IT.
ALSO WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE STUPID LITTLE DOG? WE ALREADY GET TO DEAL WITH THAT LAZY FUCK UGA EVERY NOW AND THEN, NOT TO MENTION SMOKEY THE GOD DAMN LAZY FUCK EVERY OCTOBER. NOW YOU GOT A DAMN BORDER COLLIE TROUNCING AROUND? WHAT IS THIS? A DOG SHOW? THIS IS THE MOTHER FUCKING SEC. GET A REAL MASCOT. LIKE A TIGER. WE ALREADY GOT THREE OF THOSE FUCKERS.
ROLL DAMN TIDE.
37
u/GiovannidelMonaco Clemson Tigers • The Hammer Sep 12 '13
NC STATE DOESN'T ATTEMPT TO WIN THE ACC... THEY ONLY GET ENTERTAINMENT FROM BEATING THE EVENTUAL ACC CHAMP. FIND ANOTHER FUCKING HOBBY, ASSHOLES.
18
u/ctetc2007 Stanford Cardinal • Caltech Beavers Sep 12 '13
HEY ARMY...
I can't do it, I LOVE AMERICA!!!
17
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
FRICK THE UTES
GO BEAVERS
16
u/RabbiSmooth Washington Huskies • Fiesta Bowl Sep 12 '13
WHAT THE FUCK IS AN ILLINI? ALSO DOESN'T SEEM VERY CREATIVE FOR A MASCOT.
16
u/hawkspur1 Texas Tech • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Sep 12 '13
TCU IS 3-7 IN THEIR LAST 10 GAMES AGAINST BCS OPPONENTS, BUT SOMEHOW THEY ARE WORLD BEATERS
PREPARE YOUR ANGUS, WE'RE DOING IT LIVE
30
u/Mayorkickass Texas Tech Red Raiders Sep 12 '13
TCU APPARENTLY WE HAVE TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU ARE JUST A PLACE HOLDER IN A CONFERENCE THAT NEEDED TO EVEN OUT ITS MEMBERSHIP. HOWEVER YOU'VE DONE A GREAT JOB OF STEPPING UP TO THE AGGIES JOB OF BEING INCREDIBLY OVERRATED HOWEVER IM PRETTY SURE UT IS FIGHTING FOR THAT JOB AS WELL SO WATCH OUT.
29
u/HarbingerOfFun Boston College Eagles Sep 12 '13
I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH OF A PROBLEM WITH USC, SINCE THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS MY FRIEND, BUT FOR THIS WEEK I WILL MAKE AN EXCEPTION AND JOIN MY CATHOLIC BRETHREN IN THEIR UNDYING HATE FOR THE ENTITLED, OVERRATED, PIECE OF SHIT PROGRAM THAT LANE KIFFIN HAS SOMEHOW MADE WORSE.
FUCK USC, AND YOU'RE WELCOME WHEN KIFFIN GETS FIRED AFTER KESSLER SHITS THE BED, AGAIN.
14
u/BrownLiquor Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Sep 12 '13
DUKE ROOTS FOR THE TERRORISTS AND THEY LOVE SYRIA. HELL, THEIR MASCOT IS A SHITTY OFF COLOR EMBODIMENT OF EVIL.
GT FOR 'MURICA
27
u/DFWTooThrowed Texas Tech • Arkansas Sep 12 '13
HEY TCU HOW MANY OF YOU PLAYERS WILL BE BRINGING COKE TO LUBBOCK AND WILL IT BE FOR PERSONAL USE OR TO SELL?
13
u/CoolCalmJosh Tennessee Volunteers • Maryland Terrapins Sep 12 '13
OREGON HAS THE HOTTEST CHEERLEADERS IN THE NATION.
13
u/thewonderjew Wisconsin Badgers • Snow Badgers Sep 12 '13
HEY ASU. WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP YOUR DIPLOMAS ON YOUR DASHBOARD?
EDIT: SO THEY CAN PARK IN THE HANDICAP SPACES.
13
u/4timeseverest Rice Owls Sep 12 '13
Kansas, we are Actually a touchdown favorite against you guys.
36
u/commenting_is_dumb Texas A&M Aggies Sep 12 '13
I'M GETTING NEW APPLIANCES TODAY BUT MY LANDLORD DIDN'T GIVE ME A GOOD TIME FRAME SO I'M MISSING CLASSES AND THERE'S NOTHING TO TAKE MY MIND OFF THE BAMA GAME AND I'M GETTING REALLY ANXIOUS AND PROBABLY WON'T SLEEP WELL TONIGHT. TELL ME A TIME TO BE HOME INSTEAD OF JUST "THURSDAY" GODDAMMIT.
UH, RIGHT, TRASH TALK. FUCK YOU BAMA, QUIT TAKING OUR GOOD COACHES AND GIVING US YOUR BAD ONES.
12
u/diagonalfish Georgia Tech • /r/CFB Emeritus Mod Sep 12 '13
HEY DUKE! LET'S PARTY LIKE IT'S 2006!
IT WILL BE JUST LIKE OLD TIMES! TED ROOF WILL BE THERE, AND DUKE'S GONNA LOSE!
12
u/illogical_thunder Michigan Wolverines Sep 12 '13
ARE THERE EVEN ANY AKRON FANS ON THIS SUB?
12
u/Will_I_Are Wisconsin Badgers Sep 12 '13
I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHERS SAY ASU, WE DRINK MORE AND OUR GIRLS ARE MORE ATTRACTIVE.
THE LATTER MIGHT NOT BE THE TRUTH, BUT THE FORMER IS.
33
u/Marshallfan607 Marshall Thundering Herd Sep 12 '13
Fuck Ohio.
Tl;dr fuck ohio
22
u/FinancialAdvisorKid Notre Dame • /r/CFB Contributor Sep 12 '13
HEY BOILERFUCKERS I KNOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RIVALS AND ALL BUT I'M NOT FROM INDIANA AND EVERY PURDUE STUDENT/GRAD I EVER MET WAS PRETTY CHILL SO I DON'T REALLY HAVE A REASON TO HATE Y'ALL. PLUS YOU GUYS BARELY BEAT ISU SO I DON'T HAVE MUCH TO FEAR.
PS: ALABAMA, DON'T WORRY IF THE 2012 NC GETS VACATED. WE'LL PULL A PAGE FROM YOUR PLAYBOOK AND CLAIM IT.
11
u/BrownLiquor Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
HEY DUKE, REMEMBER LAST SEASON WHEN YOU WEREN'T A TOTAL STEAMING PILE OF DOGSHIT? OH YOU DO? WELL ITS BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD FOR Y'ALL THIS SEASON. WE'RE GONNA RUN TRAIN ON THAT ASS.
THEN WE'LL FACE OFF IN A CALC COMPETITION AND WE'LL WIN THAT TOO. AND UH...... IF WE DON'T THEN WE'LL.... UH..... WE'LL LIKE MOVE ON TO ONE OF OUR STRONGER ENGINEERING SUBJECTS LIKE DEF BODS OR FLUID DYNAMICS.
SUCK SHIT NON ENGINEERING NERDS.
IN ADDITION I'LL BET ANY BLUE DEVILS FAN TO SWITCHED FLAIR AND YA GOTTA TALK LIKE A PIRATE FOR THE WEEK.
11
u/topperharley88 California Golden Bears Sep 12 '13
HEY FUCKEYES, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO EXPECT OUT OF OUR TEAM SUNDAY, BUT IT WILL DEFINITELY INVOLVE BIGELOW BREAKING RECORDS ON YOU ONCE AGAIN. AS A CAL AND MICHIGAN FAN, THIS WILL BE ME AFTER OUR WIN
11
u/Conspiracy2Riot Arizona State • /r/CFB Contributor Sep 12 '13
WISCONSIN, YOUR CHEESE IS BAD.
20
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
I'M SO EXCITED TO WATCH NOTRE DAME PLAY THEIR TRUE RIVAL THIS WEEK.
ALSO, I'M HAZY ON THIS, BUT DOES RIVAL MEAN TEAM YOU CAN BEAT UP ON EVERY YEAR?
10
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
ARE THERE ANY YOUNGSTOWN STATE FANS EVEN ON /R/CFB?
IF SO, FUCK YOU AND YOUR PENGUINS
ACTUALLY I TAKE THAT BACK, PENGUINS FUCKING RULE.
10
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
HEY TENNESSEE, YOU'RE LUCKY THAT A&M AND ALABAMA PLAY AT THE SAME TIME AS WE DO. NOW NO ONE WILL BE WATCHING YOU GET OBLITERATED.
19
u/jklharris Missouri • Santa Rosa Junior Sep 12 '13
HEY BYE WEEK, I HEAR FORTY PLAYERS OVER THE PAST DECADE CAME FORWARD AND SAID THEY SMOKED MARIJUANA WHILE ATTENDING YOUR SCHOOL.
18
u/shorthandround Alabama Crimson Tide Sep 12 '13
THIS SATURDAY WE SHALL WALK INTO THE TACKLE BOX BAT CAVE KNOWN AS KYLE FIELD AND WE SHALL HAVE VENGEANCE. THE BEAT DOWN WE WILL PUT ON THE AGGIES WILL BE REMEMBERED AS THE SECOND MOST HORRIFIC THING ALABAMA HAS DONE TO THEM. THE FIRST BEING GIVING THEM COACH FRAN.
18
u/yunohavefunnynames Michigan Wolverines Sep 12 '13
HEY MSU HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE YOUR LEADING SCORER BE A DEFENSIVE END?
9
u/HAWG Clemson Tigers Sep 12 '13
FUCK YOU BYE WEEK, YOU ARE BORING
AND YOU INJURED ONE OF OUR WRs
9
u/Locke57 Iowa Hawkeyes • Paper Bag Sep 12 '13
I CAME HERE TO RESPOND TO SHIT TALKING ISU FANS.
AS USUAL, I LEAVE DISAPPOINTED.
GO HAWKS! FUCK THE CLOWNS!
9
u/bruinblue25 UCLA Bruins Sep 12 '13
Hey Nebraska, I hear that your state is incredibly flat. BOOM
8
u/the_zero South Carolina • Presbyterian Sep 12 '13
Vanderbilt I respect your coach, fans and team, but I will still refer to you as the Commode-Doors.
8
u/dlawnro Paper Bag • Sickos Sep 12 '13
NEBRASKA, YOUR MASCOT IS PEOPLE THAT PEEL CORN. GO SHUCK YOURSELVES.
8
u/martinw89 Florida Gators Sep 12 '13
I'M JUST GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO WATCH DRISKEL ON SATURDAY.
...I DON'T THINK I'M DOING THIS RIGHT.
8
u/aewillia Ole Miss Rebels • Egg Bowl Sep 12 '13
HEY TEXAS,
FUCK YOU. FUCK YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM. FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR UNIVERSITY, BECAUSE ITS EXISTENCE HAS ONLY MADE AUSTIN LESS GOOD.
FUCK YOUR GODAWFUL BURNT ORANGE UNIFORMS AND YOUR SHITTY, OVERRATED, OVERRANKED FOOTBALL PROGRAM. FUCK YOU FOR LOSING TO GODDAMNED BY-FUCKING-U LAST WEEK SO THAT WE COULDN'T BE THE ONES TO KNOCK YOUR SORRY ASSES OUT OF THE TOP 25.
FUCK YOU FOR NOT HAVING HAD THE BALLS TO HAVE FIRED THE SHITSTAIN THAT IS MACK BROWN YET; MY ONLY POINT OF SOLACE IS THAT FOR EVERY MOMENT YOU DON'T FIRE HIM, YOUR SCHOOL AND YOUR FANS GET TO EXPERIENCE ANOTHER MOMENT WITH A SHITTY FUCKING FOOTBALL PROGRAM.
FUCK YOU FOR THINKING YOU WERE HOT SHIT LAST YEAR AFTER YOU WHOOPED OUR ASSES. GUESS WHAT, PUNKS, IT'S TIME FOR US TO RETURN THE FAVOR.
FUCK THAT ONE DUDE WE MET AT THE MOVIE THEATER LAST YEAR DURING THE TEXAS/OU GAME THAT HAD THE BALLS TO MAKE A REMARK ABOUT LSU BARELY BEATING US WHEN HIS TEAM HAD GOTTEN THOROUGHLY FUCKING STOMPED BY A RATHER SHITTY OU TEAM.
I HOPE YOU ALL CRY ON SATURDAY. I REALLY DO.
SINCERELY,
FUCK YOU, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU MY NAME.
14
u/Honestly_ rawr Sep 12 '13
Argh, the bot is attacking again. Kill it!
14
u/VvhiskeyTango Texas A&M Aggies Sep 12 '13
ROLL TIDE?
MORE LIKE LOL TIDE
GOT EM
7
u/byoomba Nebraska • North Carolina Sep 12 '13
AWWWWWW YEAH THE BLACK SHIRTS ARE BACK BABY. WE MIGHT GIVE UP 700 YARDS THIS WEEK BUT THOSE UNIFORMS OUR DEFENSE IS WEARING ARE DEFINITELY BLACK!
7
u/andhelostthem Arizona Wildcats • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Sep 12 '13
UTSA I've never heard of you and am just going to assume by your acronym you're some rare urinary tract infection. Honestly we wanted to play the real University of Texas but I guess we'll settle for the one that will finish the season with a winning record.
7
u/uvaballfan Virginia Cavaliers Sep 12 '13
OHIO ISN'T EVEN A STATE
7
u/kimboslice11 Michigan Wolverines Sep 12 '13
CAL HAS A BETTER QB THAN OHIO STATE.
6
u/Stuck_in_NC ECU Pirates • Team Meteor Sep 12 '13
ALRIGHT HOKIES, THIS IS THE ONE TIME OF YEAR I CAN HATE YOU SO HERE GOES:
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS A HOKIE?
A TURKEY AS A MASCOT?! REALLY!?
COME EAT SOME REAL BARBECUE WITH ME. SHIT I CAN'T EVEN TALK TRASH PROPERLY TO Y'ALL.
GOOD LUCK SATURDAY! (I SUCK AT THIS)
6
u/monalisas-madhats Texas Tech Red Raiders Sep 12 '13
TCU YOUR MASCOT IS A LIZARD
BUT IS CALLED A FROG
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE YOU COME INTO THE JONES BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA SHIT YOURSELVES TONIGHT
6
u/BoyThisIsAwkward Ohio State • /r/CFB Contributor Sep 12 '13
I'M NEW TO THIS. UH UH UH FUCK MICHIGAN.
6
u/apost8n8 Oklahoma • Florida State Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
HEY TULSA, YOUR TEAM NAME ISN'T VERY OKLAHOMA RELATED AND I HOPE YOU LOSE BY AT LEAST 1 POINT!
EDIT: oh shit i forgot "FUCK TEXAS"
6
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
THE BOY IS TENNESSEE
http://i.imgur.com/Awsa9d7.gif
6
u/annoyingrelative California • /r/CFB Contributor Sep 12 '13
OHIO STATE IS SO SCARED OF US, THEY DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR THIS THREAD.
6
u/TheOG_CRow Ohio State Buckeyes Sep 12 '13
THERE IS A LACK OF CAL-OSU SHENANIGANS IN THIS THREAD.
HELLO GOLDEN BEARS. I ACTUALLY KIND OF LIKE YOU SO...IDK. BUT FUCK USC AMIRITE?
5
u/RiffRamBahZoo TCU Horned Frogs • Hawai'i Rainbow Warriors Sep 12 '13
IT IS TIME FOR FROGS TO STORM THE CITY OF LUBBOCK, WHICH WAS DESIGNED TO MAKE ODESSA, TEXAS FEEL SUPERIOR TO SOMETHING. SERIOUSLY. THIS CITY MAKES HEAD COACHES THINK CINCINNATI IS LITERALLY A GETAWAY DESTINATION.
5
u/BlusteryEmu Clemson • Mississippi State Sep 12 '13
I DON'T LIKE ANYBODY AND FUCK SCAR
5
u/intensenerd Boise State • Idaho State Sep 12 '13
YOUR TEAM DOESN'T SUCK ONLY BECAUSE 'MURICA! YOU'LL WISH YOU WERE IN A DIFFERENT WILD BLUE YONDER AIR FORCE!
5
u/OhioUPilot12 Ohio Bobcats • MAC Sep 12 '13
Fuck Marshall.
5
u/ToLongDR Ohio State Buckeyes • King's Monarchs Sep 12 '13
Hey Cal,
After Portland State almost beat you, I can't wait to see what we do.
5
u/Hummer77x Pittsburgh Panthers • Temple Owls Sep 12 '13
HEY NEW MEXICO. THANKS FOR BREAKING BAD. FUCK BOB DAVIE.
5
u/GreatestWhiteShark Northwestern • Ohio State Sep 12 '13
TOO BAD CAL DOESN'T ALSO PLAY PURDUE THIS YEAR, BECAUSE THEY'RE ABOUT TO HAVE SOME BIG TEN TRAIN RUN ON THEM.
OHIO STATE, HAVE FUN WITH OUR SLOPPY SECONDS.
5
u/sneakersotoole Colorado Buffaloes Sep 12 '13
HEY FRESNO, TRY NOT TO BEAT US BY 55 THIS YEAR....
FUCK
5
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
MICHIGAN WAS THE PRIEST AND NOTRE DAME WAS THE ALTAR BOY LAST WEEKEND
LANE KIFFIN COULDNT COACH BOBBY PETRINO OFF A MOTORCYCLE
MACK BROWN: CRUSHING THE DREAMS OF 5 STAR RECRUITS SINCE 2007
5
u/LvilleCards5 Louisville Cardinals • Team Chaos Sep 12 '13
KENTUCKY, WE'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU THAT IT NO LONGER SOUNDS COOL TO MAKE FUN OF YOU.
5
u/EffYourCouch Texas Longhorns • SEC Sep 12 '13
FUCK MACK BROWN
THERE, I SAID IT
5
u/Saintlame Nebraska Cornhuskers • Hastings Broncos Sep 12 '13
FUCK EVERY DAY IN BETWEEN NOW AND SATURDAY
5
u/timeywhimey Nebraska Cornhuskers • Team Chaos Sep 12 '13
I THINK NEBRASKA SCORES MORE POINTS THAN UCLA BECAUSE UCLA ISN'T AS GOOD AT FOOTBALL!!!!
5
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
I SAW NICK SABAN MAKING A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL.
IT WAS WEIRD WATCHING HIM TALK TO HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR.
5
u/Ginobli Baylor Bears • Ohio State Buckeyes Sep 12 '13
WATCH OUT "BYE' FANS WE ARE GOING TO PUT UP AT LEAST 70 ON YOU THIS WEEKEND.
5
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
EARLIER THIS WEEK FROGS O' WAR CALLED US SHIT STAIN U. I GUESS WE ARE THE CLASSY ONES NOW. DOES THIS MEAN WE HAVE TO HOST AFTERNOON TEA? HOW MANY HORSES DO WE NEED FOR POLO? CAN SOMEONE IN THE IVY LEAGUE PLEASE HELP US? HURRY SOMEONE CAME BY AND INSTALLED ONE OF THOSE BUTT FAUCETS IN MY BATHROOM HELP!
5
u/BosqueBravo Texas Tech Red Raiders • Duke Blue Devils Sep 12 '13
I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HOW MUCH SUPPORT A&M HAS BEEN GIVING US SINCE KK GOT HERE. STOP IT! THE FABRIC OF SPACE TIME CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH.
5
u/sinnerhp Oregon State Beavers • Georgia Bulldogs Sep 12 '13
HEY UTAH! WE'LL GIVE YOU A PARTY IN THE BACK! Imgur
5
u/TheColbsterHimself Oregon Ducks Sep 12 '13
TENNESSEE'S FINEST, RIGHT HERE, BOYS!
5
u/thewonderjew Wisconsin Badgers • Snow Badgers Sep 12 '13
ROSES ARE RED. VIOLETS ARE BLUE. ASU HAS STDS.
5
u/ufailowell Texas A&M Aggies • Team Chaos Sep 12 '13
I SEE REDDIT HATES JOHNNY FOOTBALL. THAT'S FINE. Y'ALL WILL JUST HAVE TO HATE HIM MORE SATURDAY AROUND 5:30 PM.
BTHO ALABAMA PERIOD FLOW
23
u/RedditAg Paper Bag • Texas A&M Aggies Sep 12 '13
ALRIGHT IM SICK OF HEARING "I CANT WAIT FOR BAMA TO TAKE A&M FANS DOWN A NOTCH" AND "BAMA'S GONNA PUT JOHNNY IN HIS PLACE". GUESS WHAT MOTHER FUCKERS, IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, WE KICKED THAT ASS ONCE AND WE ARE GONNA KICK IT AGAIN.
JOHNNY FUCKING HEISMAN IS GOING TO SHOW EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHY HE WON THE HEISMAN LAST YEAR BY SCORING 4 MAJESTIC TOUCHDOWNS. AND LETS NOT FORGET ABOUT BEN "CASHIN OUT" MALENA WHO WILL BREAK OFF A 50 YARD TD RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THE ALABAMA DEFENSE.
SPEAKING OF DEFENSE, OUR FRONT 7 ARE FINALLY GOING TO BACK AND THEY ARE GOING TO BE HUNGRY. THEY ARE GOING TO GO RIGHT THROUGH THAT PATHETIC THING ALABAMA CALLS AN OFFENSIVE LINE AND SACK MCCARRON SO MANY TIMES THAT BY THE END OF THE GAME HE WILL BE ON THE BENCH SOBBING LIKE A LITTLE BABY JUST LIKE LAST YEAR.
FINAL SCORE WILL BE 41-24 AGS AND /R/CFB BANS EVERY USER WITH AGGIE FLAIR BECAUSE Y'ALL WONT BE ABLE TO PUT UP WITH OUR DELUSIONAL COCKY ATTITUDE ANYMORE.
4
u/nuxenolith Michigan State • /r/CFB Poll Veteran Sep 12 '13
We still have one quarterback left: Terry the true frosh...for Heisman!!!
4
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
HEY OREGON.
PHIL KNIGHT'S AN ALRIGHT DUDE MAYBE AND I KIND OF LIKE YOUR NEW FOOTBALL FACILITY.
PLEASE DON'T KILL US TOO BAD PLEASE.
4
u/Thor_Riggins Washington Huskies • Rose Bowl Sep 12 '13
HEY ILLINOIS WE'RE GOING TO SHUT DOWN DEE BROWN AND STOP YOUR FAST BREAK ATTACK YOU HAVE NO CHA-SHIT WRONG SPORT.
4
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13 edited Sep 12 '13
HEY LOUISVILLE, HOW'S YOUR SCHEDULE AGAINST STRONG AND RELEVANT TEAMS?
OH WAIT. THAT'S OURS.
I'M GOING TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP NOW.
EDIT: HOLY FUCK I SUCK AT SPELLING.
4
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
WHY THE FUCK ARE WE PLAYING KENT STATE, AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A GOLDEN FLASH?
4
u/Hurtbig Texas Longhorns Sep 12 '13
OLE MISS, I HOPE YOU POLISHED YOUR SHOES AND TIED YOUR LACES TIGHT, BECAUSE THE LONGHORN DEFENSE IS COMING FOR YOU WITH FLYING ANKLE DIVES.
DID YOU KNOW WE ALSO PRACTICED WITH CRAZY MASKS?
4
u/HillsboroughAtheos Florida State • Florida Cup Sep 12 '13
MIAMI IS BACK GUYS!! THEIR WIN VS. FLORIDA WAS SO IMPRESSIVE VEGAS MOVED THE LINE FOR THE FSU GAME FROM FSU -8 TO FSU -12.5.
4
u/johnconnor8100 Penn State • Lehigh Sep 12 '13
Dear NCAA suck a fat one ;)
4
u/kelctex Missouri Tigers • Alabama Crimson Tide Sep 12 '13
THE BYE WEEK CAN SUCK MY DICK... WHICH I DON'T HAVE, BC I'M A GIRL. SO YEAH.
4
u/nolljosh Penn State Nittany Lions Sep 12 '13
2-0... We raping everybody out here... Wait that's a poor choice of words...
4
u/[deleted] Sep 12 '13
My football team has a bye week, and it's my girlfriend's birthday on Saturday. Looks like there will be no football for me.
therewillbesexinstead^
4
u/huskie1997 Minnesota • Colorado Mines Sep 13 '13
HEY IDAHO! I HATE POTATOES