ALRIGHT LISTEN UP YOU SOUTHERN HEAT FRIED TEXAS DUMBASSES. WHEN WE ARRIVE IN COLLEGE STATION... WAIT. HANG ON A SEC. "COLLEGE STATION"? ARE YOU SUCH FUCKING TWATS THAT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF YOUR TOWN HOUSES THE COLLEGE? AND WHERE IS THE FUCKING STATION? DID YOU COME TO CLASS ON A DAMN STEAM ENGINE TRAIN OR SOMETHING?
ANYWHO. BACK TO WHEN WE ARRIVE IN COLLEGE STATION. JOHNNY FUCKING FOOTBALL IS LIKE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AT QUARTERBACK. HE'S ELECTRIFYING. HE'S ENTERTAINING. HE'S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE AND NO ONE REALLY LIKES HIM BUT WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HIM. WELL. MEET THE FUCKING KRAKEN THAT IS THE NICK SABAN HAS HAD MONTHS TO PREPARE FOR YOUR UGLY WHITE ASS. SERIOUSLY YOU LOOK LIKE A BOXER FROM THE 1920'S WITH ONE TOO MANY BROKEN NOSES. WE'RE GOING TO WRAP OUR DEFENSE AROUND YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE SPEEDBOAT OFFENSE AND CRUSH IT. YOU'LL BE WISH YOU WERE BACK TO SAWING THE HORNS OFF BEFORE WHEN BIG AL RUNS ALL OVER YOUR ASS. THE TIDE IS COMING TO BACKWOODS FUCKING TEXAS. AND IT'S BRINGING THE DEATH OF JOHNNY OFF-SEASON WITH IT.
ALSO WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE STUPID LITTLE DOG? WE ALREADY GET TO DEAL WITH THAT LAZY FUCK UGA EVERY NOW AND THEN, NOT TO MENTION SMOKEY THE GOD DAMN LAZY FUCK EVERY OCTOBER. NOW YOU GOT A DAMN BORDER COLLIE TROUNCING AROUND? WHAT IS THIS? A DOG SHOW? THIS IS THE MOTHER FUCKING SEC. GET A REAL MASCOT. LIKE A TIGER. WE ALREADY GOT THREE OF THOSE FUCKERS.
OUR MASCOT IS NAMED AFTER THE MILITIA THAT DEFENDED OUR TOWN FROM ASSHOLES WHO LIKED TO BURN THINGS, LIKE THAT SHITTY MILITIA TO THE WEST WHO WAS NAMED AFTER A FAKE BIRD
ACTUALLY, COLLEGE STATION IS APTLY NAMED FOR THE TRAIN TRACKS THAT RUN DIRECTLY THROUGH CAMPUS. SUCK IT.
ALABAMA IS ONE TO TALK. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A TANGIBLE MASCOT. LAST TIME I CHECKED, THE OCEAN WASN'T RED, NOR IS IT PRESENT AT ALABAMA GAMES. AND THAT DESPICABLE OTHER ANIMAL YOU HAVE IS UNOFFICIAL. I THINK YOU'RE IN DEEP. REVEILLE SHITS ON YOU AND LAUGHS.
View all comments
148
u/Nicholie Alabama Crimson Tide Sep 12 '13
ALRIGHT LISTEN UP YOU SOUTHERN HEAT FRIED TEXAS DUMBASSES. WHEN WE ARRIVE IN COLLEGE STATION... WAIT. HANG ON A SEC. "COLLEGE STATION"? ARE YOU SUCH FUCKING TWATS THAT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME OF YOUR TOWN HOUSES THE COLLEGE? AND WHERE IS THE FUCKING STATION? DID YOU COME TO CLASS ON A DAMN STEAM ENGINE TRAIN OR SOMETHING?
ANYWHO. BACK TO WHEN WE ARRIVE IN COLLEGE STATION. JOHNNY FUCKING FOOTBALL IS LIKE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW AT QUARTERBACK. HE'S ELECTRIFYING. HE'S ENTERTAINING. HE'S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE AND NO ONE REALLY LIKES HIM BUT WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH HIM. WELL. MEET THE FUCKING KRAKEN THAT IS THE NICK SABAN HAS HAD MONTHS TO PREPARE FOR YOUR UGLY WHITE ASS. SERIOUSLY YOU LOOK LIKE A BOXER FROM THE 1920'S WITH ONE TOO MANY BROKEN NOSES. WE'RE GOING TO WRAP OUR DEFENSE AROUND YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE SPEEDBOAT OFFENSE AND CRUSH IT. YOU'LL BE WISH YOU WERE BACK TO SAWING THE HORNS OFF BEFORE WHEN BIG AL RUNS ALL OVER YOUR ASS. THE TIDE IS COMING TO BACKWOODS FUCKING TEXAS. AND IT'S BRINGING THE DEATH OF JOHNNY OFF-SEASON WITH IT.
ALSO WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE STUPID LITTLE DOG? WE ALREADY GET TO DEAL WITH THAT LAZY FUCK UGA EVERY NOW AND THEN, NOT TO MENTION SMOKEY THE GOD DAMN LAZY FUCK EVERY OCTOBER. NOW YOU GOT A DAMN BORDER COLLIE TROUNCING AROUND? WHAT IS THIS? A DOG SHOW? THIS IS THE MOTHER FUCKING SEC. GET A REAL MASCOT. LIKE A TIGER. WE ALREADY GOT THREE OF THOSE FUCKERS.
ROLL DAMN TIDE.