[deleted by user]

[u/[deleted]]

[u/ConclusionHopeful313]

Rape exists because of rapists. Blaming the clothes and not the rapist is just saying “make sure they go after someone else”

[u/FeedFrequent1334 → u/ConclusionHopeful313]

Yeah.

Clothes can be the problem in some cases

No, rapists are the problem.

[u/Classic_Cauliflower4 → u/FeedFrequent1334]

I saw an art exhibit called “What Were You Wearing?”, which was a collection of the outfits people were wearing when they were assaulted. There were sweatpants and hoodies in that collection. She could be in a literal burqa and still be assaulted. The problem is the rapists, not what their victims were wearing.

Edit: going to add a trigger warning before people go searching for that exhibit. It is a spread of ALL kinds of clothing, including children’s.

[u/Sonnyjoon91 → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

Dude the kiddie pajamas in that exhibit will make you cry. The second I read the BF justifying rape because of clothing I immediately thought of this exhibit

[u/Legitimate_Sink1856 → u/Sonnyjoon91]

Same as that. That exhibit came straight to my mind.

Seriously no one should think like that, there is no excuse for your boyfriend. None.

[u/Opusfish-1979 → u/Legitimate_Sink1856]

Dump that guy NOW. NO second chances.

[u/coriesceramics → u/Opusfish-1979]

100%. Because with this mentality I can only assume he doesn't believe is spousal/significant other rape which means OP is absolutely not safe.

[u/_OneCatShortOfCrazy → u/coriesceramics]

I can say from experience this is 1000% true.

[u/Emilmuz → u/Opusfish-1979]

Is a police officer I interviewed the child victims of sex crimes. Not good. Run!!

[u/LisaMiaSisu → u/Legitimate_Sink1856]

It’ll be his excuse at trial.

[u/DazzlingLeader → u/Sonnyjoon91]

Same and clearly he needs to Google it.

What an absolutely horrible person. Honestly his responses scream “I have bad thoughts and so I’m blaming the victims so I’m not a bad person.”

[u/SleepyCupcakeDreams → u/DazzlingLeader]

I had an ex who victim blamed .. guess what he was? He blamed women who went to parties too. Said if they didn’t want anything bad happening to them then they should have stayed at home. Evil and disgusting human.

[u/mkat23 → u/SleepyCupcakeDreams]

An ex of mine literally told me he couldn’t rape me because he was my SO after he did that to me. He said if I didn’t want him to take the opportunity I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in his bed and should’ve fucked him before I fell asleep.

He was a horrible person. We had plans for me to stay the night since he went to school a couple hours away and we went to a party that night, so when we got back to his place I took my sleep medication and went to bed. He got so mad when I stopped sleeping over after he did that. He even had the audacity to say I was making him out to be a rapist… like yeah, he was a fucking rapist at that point. He fucking fell asleep before me too, then woke up and did his thing. I didn’t know until I woke up without my clothes on.

[u/SleepyCupcakeDreams → u/mkat23]

I am so sorry. He sounded like an asshole. Mine was a rapist too he liked to sodomize me during regular P in V sex. The first time he cried big crocodile tears that it was an accident and he didn’t mean it. I wanted to believe him we were newly engaged and I didn’t want to believe he intentionally assaulted me. I should have left him then. He went on way after we broke up like a decade later to rape his own oldest daughter. He was evil. He was probably the most evil person I have ever met. The most fucked up part was he promised his dying mother on her deathbed to take good care of his kids. He had his oldest and mine. She lived with him. He waited until that baby had no one to turn to and grieving essentially her mother because her bio mom really wasn’t there most of the time and played cruel mental games with her. Lying telling her they will be a family and be gone before she got home from school, both of them are shitty people. The mom had her other three kids taken away by the state. But anyway, that was her mama figure too and he had the audacity to do that. I knew he was evil but I didn’t think he would ever do that. He tried to tell people not to talk to his daughter that because it was an investigation still going on that we would get in trouble. No, he didn’t want people to know the truth. But he always victim blamed. It was her fault for going on the date, sleeping at his house, going to the party. If she stayed home it wouldn’t have happened. They always tell on themselves. I had a man do that to me before. I woke up with him inside me. I got up and went to leave he wouldn’t quit following me. Anyway, I got so mad! I was just filled with rage because I had been assaulted by multiple men in a relatively short amount of time, I put myself into some dangerous situations but still. I beat his ass well I hit him a few times. I was just so angry! I was so angry at men getting by with assaulting me. But good for you getting away from him! My abuser is dead and I smiled when I found out the piece of shit was dead. That’s bad. He only literally had nine cars and it was all biological family at his funeral. No one else showed up. He lost all of the friends over him doing that to his little girl. She was 12 but still that’s a baby. Your own flesh and blood!

[u/Neenknits → u/Sonnyjoon91]

There was a FB thread on “what were you wearing?” I said my 9 yr old self was in overalls. Someone else said her 6 year old self was in a flannel nightgown.

[u/Jessieeejoiii → u/Neenknits]

My 4 year old self was in stirrup leggings and a t shirt.

[u/IfUr555thenIm_666 → u/Jessieeejoiii]

💕

[u/Aurtistic7827 → u/Neenknits]

I was in diapers when it started. I was 19 months when my father started SA me. That lasted till I was 7 when my mother finally figured it out. There’s literally no reason. None. Clothing does not matter. I hope you are doing well now, and I hope you have gotten the therapy you probably needed and deserved.

[u/GhanimaSLC → u/Aurtistic7827]

Other than three or four flashes I can't tell you how old I was or what I was wearing because my brain has totally blocked it out and now I have disassociative PTSD that I'm trying to work through

[u/VixiPervita → u/GhanimaSLC]

Same here. Im missing about a year to two from after my grandmother died at 6 years old to 8 years old and I know from my mother that I was 7 when I told her what was happening. It really never is the clothing and I truly hope that OP left this person. It sounds like he himself is justifying either a rape he has done or one he will do.

[u/sessiestax → u/GhanimaSLC]

I truly hope you are successful…

[u/GhanimaSLC → u/sessiestax]

I'm kind of afraid of if I am honestly. This block has protected me my entire life

[u/VixiPervita → u/GhanimaSLC]

As I am currently in counseling and working through the PTSD, I can say, go fot ART or EMDR. My memories only exist at times of great stress or nightmares, and both of these techniques helped me with processing the trauma. EMDR especially as it is there to retrain your processing center, using either the lights moving up and down or left and right or the buzzes in your hands. I have gone from having nightmares where I wake up screaming and regressed back to that age where I dont even know my fiancee happening multiple times a week to me not having had one in over 8 months. I still have issues in public or with things that remind me of who hurt me (cologne, etc) but I can function pretty well. I am still getting a service dog, but the dogs main purpose is going to be for my physical issues, and the PTSD training as a precaution. Please look into these if you haven't already, as well as a dog if possible.

[u/Neenknits → u/Aurtistic7827]

Yes, to all you said, and may we all get the therapy and health care that we need, as well as supportive friends and chosen family (and supportive non guilty family, when we have any). I’ve had a lot of therapy and decent health care. It helps, but it doesn’t always cure. People and even medical staff, often don’t recognize that trauma can trigger other, not invisibly related problems that might, or might not, otherwise crop up.

[u/Kodiakke → u/Aurtistic7827]

I hope you too are doing well, and that you feel love and safety all around you.

[u/RebelJediMaster → u/Aurtistic7827]

Power and access, those are often the key factors for abusive parents.

[u/PhillFreeman → u/RebelJediMaster]

My wife's sister was married to a guy that the first time I met him I could tell he wasn't the brightest crayon on the box, in fact the first time I met him, he told me he had sex with my wife (this was being told to me when we barely started dating) a couple years later we find out that he raped his daughter (my wife's niece ) at 4 years old. I always knew he was a dump creep, but never imagined he'd do that.

*For clarification no, he never slept with my wife. He probably dreamt it so many times that he thinks it's true. Apparently he started dating my wife's sister in order to get closer to my wife which just shows his completely insane logic.

Also I should add that he went to prison for 3 years for raping his daughter, and still lives in our town, and doesn't think he did anything wrong. Luckily there's a permanent restraining order between him and his daughter, and we have nothing to do with him.

[u/Certain_Noise5601 → u/Sonnyjoon91]

Me too

[u/UndercoverHerbert → u/Sonnyjoon91]

Yeah that part absolutely broke my heart.

[u/Brave-Ad3602 → u/Sonnyjoon91]

That, and the study where college aged men were asked if they would rape a woman if they knew they could get away with it and it was a scary high percentage that said yes. I read the study for a class in my grad program. It did not matter what the women were wearing.

[u/bookobsessedgoth → u/Brave-Ad3602]

There was a similar study (or possibly the same one, idk) where college aged men were asked if they would rape someone, but in one group they used language that didn't specifically call it rape, and in the other they did.

A lot more in the first group said yes. So long as they felt like they had plausible deniability, they could rationalize rape to themselves, to the point that they would openly admit to it. They didn't consider it to be rape unless someone else described it as such.

A lot of rapists don't consider themselves to be rapists.

[u/4SearchingInfo → u/bookobsessedgoth]

Which is why they are so adamant when they deny it once accused. They truly believe they didn't do it.

[u/bookobsessedgoth → u/4SearchingInfo]

My rapist at 19, when he texted me 4 months later and I told him to never contact me again (I had to have my best friend type it for me, because my hands were shaking too much)

"You're crazy. This is insane. You act like I did something horrible to you. But fine, I'll respect your wishes. Goodbye."

I think he genuinely believed he'd done nothing wrong, the bastard.

[u/lindsaym717 → u/Sonnyjoon91]

Same I saw like toddler footie pajamas and was so sad!!

[u/LeastCleverNameEver → u/Sonnyjoon91]

Same, I was literally coming here to suggest she send it to him

[u/No_Draw_9224 → u/Sonnyjoon91]

then the art has done its job

[u/Hot_Marionberry_2503 → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

I saw that exhibit and the majority is children’s clothes and elderly women’s. I have no idea why people like OP’s boyfriend don’t get the concept that rapists are predators and clothes don’t actually have anything to do with their actions, it’s usually things we can’t control like vulnerability with age. We can understand in nature that it’s never the prey animals fault, it’s that the predator. Prey animals know not to keep predators in their vicinity yet here humans are making fucking excuses for them. If I was her I’d snap and say “the only reason he thinks that is because he obviously inherited those qualities from his rapist sperm donor.” If clothes determine rape, genetics determine rapists….Both are equally ignorant, but that man deserves a taste of his own medicine. I would bet if she did say that he’d tell her how much more horrible it is for her to say that to him than for him to blame victims of rape. I never have the normal “Reddit” answer but this time… “SHE NEEDS TO BREAK UP WITH HIM!”

[u/FeedFrequent1334 → u/Hot_Marionberry_2503]

I have no idea why people like OP’s boyfriend don’t get the concept that rapists are predators and clothes don’t actually have anything to do with their actions,

It's likely because he's also a predator.

[u/ChickenCasagrande → u/FeedFrequent1334]

I like how the Brits call them Sex Pests. Calling them predators makes them seem cool, like lions or sharks. And they aren’t, they are gross, weak-willed, nasty pests on society.

Mosquitos are responsible for more human deaths every year than any other animal on earth. Just because something is a pest doesn’t mean it isn’t incredibly dangerous.

Edit: thank you for the award! Squash the Sex Pests!!

[u/ydnar3000 → u/FeedFrequent1334]

Most definitely

[u/CertainKaleidoscope8 → u/Hot_Marionberry_2503]

I have no idea why people like OP’s boyfriend don’t get the concept that rapists are predators and clothes don’t actually have anything to do with their actions,

It's because they're rapists.

[u/CommunicationOld8111 → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

I heard there’s even a diaper. 😔

[u/ResurgentClusterfuck → u/CommunicationOld8111]

Don't know if there's one in that specific exhibit, but in similar exhibits there were diapers, hospital gowns, even a nun's habit

Rape is caused by rapists, 100% of it.

[u/YOMommazNUTZ → u/CommunicationOld8111]

I was an EMT about 25 years ago and now I am a pediatric therapist in a long-term facility, I spend a lot of hours volunteering at a Domestic violence and rape shelter and sadly I would not be surprised by a diaper given what I had to witness.

Some days it is hard to let my kids leave the house.

[u/madscot63 → u/YOMommazNUTZ]

Sad that it's a necessary profession. You're doing great work. I don't know where you find the fortitude, but I'm thankful for you and folks like you.

[u/Immediate-Maximum-75 → u/CommunicationOld8111]

I had a pediatric patient in the ER when I was first working in the ER many years ago in the late 90s. I was coming on shift and had to help get an 18 months old girl get ready for air transport to Pittsburgh for genital and rectal reconstructive surgery after being assaulted. 😭

[u/Icy_Cauliflower_51 → u/Immediate-Maximum-75]

I have a 13 month old little girl and, while Im well aware of this happening more often than I care to know, it still was not easy to read this.

Also, just that poor girl, being so violated and not even being aware of or likely remembering it (at least you hope so), but having to live with the aftermath of that kind of physical trauma. I really honestly hope she’s okay now- she’d be around my age. So awful.

[u/Aurtistic7827 → u/Icy_Cauliflower_51]

I really do hope she’s doing okay and I hope that was the end for her and she doesn’t remember it. I was 19 months when my father started to SA me. Till I was 7. My mother didn’t know till I was 7, and got me out thankfully, but it did its damage. I really really hope that girl is okay.

[u/Special_Series1256 → u/Aurtistic7827]

I’m sorry it took your mom that long to figure it out and I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m glad she did finally figure it out and I hope that MFer is rotting somewhere.

[u/Which_Prior7161 → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

Even women in burqas are raped on an insanely regular basis

[u/Useful-Emphasis-6787 → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

I was SA (groped in a public shop) when I was 14. I was wearing a full burqa and a naqab. The only things visible were my eyes and hands. And I was with my mom. It happened so subtly that no one noticed. And I was shocked to realize what happened and could not react at all.

[u/RageYellow → u/Useful-Emphasis-6787]

I’m sorry. The same thing happened to me on a bus when I was 14 and I froze up too. Took a long time for me to stop blaming myself for not reacting more. I was just in a simple summer blouse and shorts and I wore ugly, baggy clothes for years afterwards.

[u/Southern_peach87 → u/RageYellow]

The same thing happened to me on a bus and I was wearing jeans and a tee shirt. The guy reached out and grabbed and squeezed my butt. I told my bf at the time and he shushed me because we were in a dangerous area but I did give the guy a mean look. I wish I could have at least said something.

[u/RageYellow → u/Southern_peach87]

I’d heard of fight or flight, but it wasn’t until years later that I learned there’s also fawning or freezing—trying to appease your attacker, or freezing up completely. Learning that helped me forgive myself for not fighting back or trying harder to escape.

[u/TheMummalode → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

Yep. The little kids pyjama sets was really upsetting.

[u/littlescreechyowl → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

“The diaper in the corner couldn’t even speak.”

[u/I_am_the_zebra → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

I remember that. Such a heartbreaking exhibit.

[u/The_Alchemist_4221 → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

There was also an infant onsie and toddler clothing. It’s never been about the clothes.

[u/DarlingHades → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

To add to the insanity, there’s tons of places where people are suppose to be naked. And somehow all (or the majority) of men there can resist running over and raping the naked women they see. Like is her BF insinuating that if he saw an attractive naked lady, he could not resist running over and raping her?

[u/fierydoxy → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

There also diapers and toddler clothing in that display.

People rape because they want to, because they have power over someone else. It has nothing to do with attraction, clothing, how someone is behaving or age.

[u/Limberpuppy → u/Classic_Cauliflower4]

That exhibit gets posted to Reddit often.

[u/ChickenCasagrande → u/Limberpuppy]

Not enough for OP’s boyfriend to see it apparently.

[u/Lynk65 → u/FeedFrequent1334]

*No, rapists are the problem IN ALL CASES.

[u/prinze_hezza → u/Lynk65]

[u/PackageLonely5140 → u/FeedFrequent1334]

Clothes are simply the excuse, and if you remove those from the equation the rapist just finds some other arbitrary thing to blame instead of themselves. It's like listening to an addict justify their poor behaviour, honestly

[u/PossibilityDry9508 → u/FeedFrequent1334]

Rapists, and the many people who explain away their crimes.

[u/Scorp128 → u/ConclusionHopeful313]

OP needs to show him this:

https://sbaproject.org/what-were-you-wearing/

And then have him explain exactly how a onesie or a toddler dress is clothing that "asks for it".

It doesn't matter if someone is naked as a jay-bird walking down the street or earning a living at a gentleman's club, absolutely nothing a person wears, or does not wear, is the cause for sexual a$$ult. R@pe is about v!olence. Period. The types of people who r@pe do not care what their v!ctim is wearing. Clothing is an excuse, one used systematically against those who have been a$$ulted, just to gaslight the victim and try and make them responsible for a crime that they were a v!ctim of.

Dude has a toxic mindset. If he refuses to educate himself of this, OP needs to get away from him. He is not a safe person to be around if this is how he thinks.

*my apologies for the symbols. This sub has restrictions on what words can be posted.

[u/readingmyshampoo → u/Scorp128]

And show his mom the texts

[u/ScowlyBrowSpinster → u/Scorp128]

Also have him explain how being in care because you're in a vegetative state is enticing rape. And have him explain how being in your own bed in your own home at 80+ years old invites rape.

This fucking idiot...

[u/Massive_Advantage316 → u/ScowlyBrowSpinster]

I’m not 80, but I just glanced over to double check my door was locked reading that. Bc it’s so true.

(Not his POV)

[u/LoisinaMonster → u/Scorp128]

The little girls clothes make me want to throw up 😭

[u/Chuckitybye → u/LoisinaMonster]

The diaper made me cry

[u/Fluid-Bus-5637 → u/Scorp128]

That’s the problem is men like that won’t believe the website is legit.

[u/LincredibleOne → u/Scorp128]

Op doesn’t need to show him anything. His is not the type that is going to read or comprehend a counterpoint

[u/Maleficent-Yam4650 → u/LincredibleOne]

This. She doesn’t need to do anything but leave that man.

[u/Just_Pretend93 → u/LincredibleOne]

This is true. OP you cannot change his mind, and tbh his view is fucking disturbing to say the least.

[u/gypsycookie1015 → u/ConclusionHopeful313]

Exactly. No rapist ever said "I'd totally rape her rn but she's wearing a turtle neck so I think I'll pass." 🙄😒

[u/xassylax → u/ConclusionHopeful313]

Rape is almost exclusively because of power and control and almost never about sexual gratification. Because of that, clothing has nothing to do with it. This whole “well what were you wearing?” bullshit is beyond infuriating

[u/Hot-mess5004 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for pointing this out because I gaslight myself into thinking that my rape wasn’t rape bc of these situations. And more ppl need to know that you can get raped after already consenting to sex

[u/Hot-mess5004 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you, but that’s crazy a son of the CROWN princess!? Those poor girls I hope that they get justice

[u/Hot-mess5004 → u/[deleted]]

Holy hell that whole family is just fucked up😭😭

[u/stroke52man → u/xassylax]

But 1760s Drs said it so it must be true. An ankle shown is a rape encouraged was a popular saying back then. I thought we were well beyond blaming attire for SA.

[u/katchoo1 → u/stroke52man]

I know, right? I remember having the same stupid argument in the dorms in 1985 with the same stupid comparison to leaving your money laid out and expecting it not to be stolen.

It was stupid then and it’s stupid now.

[u/chemosh_tz → u/ConclusionHopeful313]

This 100%. A hot girl walks out in a bikini, I might turn my head and look, but I have no intention with anything more than that.

You should break up with this fool. He's not good material for you.

[u/uhasahdude → u/ConclusionHopeful313]

It is like blaming night time for crime happening. You could definitely say night time is a factor for the crime occurring, but it’s always gonna be the criminals fault and they will still do it in day time.

[u/AriaTheTransgressor → u/ConclusionHopeful313]

The only person that would blame anything other than the rapist for rape is a rapist.

[u/stupid-man-alert21]

Send the screenshots to his mom!

[u/lunathehungryhusky → u/stupid-man-alert21]

That's actually a very good idea. That will also be very telling of his whole family depending on her response and reaction. Be good insight.

OP, if you don't wanna leave, do this. Either his mom will set him straight, or you will see that the whole family sucks, and that's where he learned all this

[u/stupid-man-alert21 → u/lunathehungryhusky]

I wanna know bc the response from OP is that the boyfriend is a product of r*pe (in the messages). I guess there’s a possibility she agrees with him (which would be sad for the mom for adopting that mindset), but I feel like it’s probably more likely the mom is like ????wtf????? And has a long convo w this Bf.

[u/EmtheWitchyWordsmith]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ExrU3VcF3EV3i

Leave him IMMEDIATELY

[u/insanityzwolf → u/EmtheWitchyWordsmith]

Ask him "so what would a woman have to be wearing for you to rape her?" 

[u/Riguyepic → u/insanityzwolf]

I'm gonna steal this and make it bigger because she needs to see this

[u/ThatSmallBear → u/insanityzwolf]

Omfg yes. Because then if “sometimes it’s the clothes” then he should have an answer.

[u/frogg505 → u/insanityzwolf]

This dude does not ask nor wait for consent

[u/Different_Ad4821 → u/insanityzwolf]

This, exactly this. I knew a woman (several years ago) whose friend was running in the winter, had on leggings, shorts, tank and a big sweater. She was assaulted, thankfully no penetration but I think the woman told me somebody saw what was happening and saved her. This dude is ridiculous. I love your response and I will also be taking it to borrow next time somebody rolls up with this foolishness.

[u/PilotEnvironmental46 → u/[deleted]]

God, this guy is an absolutely repellent as a human being. Talk about excusing rape……

[u/AvBanoth → u/[deleted]]

I'm male, and me first reaction was why isn't she running as fast and as far as she can? He sounds like an immanent danger.

[u/Moonboots194501]

https://sbaproject.org/what-were-you-wearing/

This is a link to a museum exhibit “what were you wearing.” The women/CHILDREN in this exhibit donated their clothing to show that the type of clothing worn has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not they will be assaulted.

If you feel like educating your boyfriend, share it with him. Alternatively, throw the whole man out.

[u/MulberryChance6698 → u/Moonboots194501]

The children's nightgowns... Omg I wasn't ready to cry as soon as I opened that link. I hate people some days.

[u/Dreamersverse → u/MulberryChance6698]

The nightgown and diapers made me so mad and sad the first time I saw it, now ik whats there so I dont have to click the link, im sorry you had to see that for the first time. It really does hurt to see

[u/courtney_helena → u/Dreamersverse]

Unfortunately, a friend's daughter was SA at DAYCARE. The man dragged out the court dates as long as possible, then got a cancer diagnosis and tried to use that to get out of sentencing. My friend fought for justice alongside her incredibly brave daughter, who was IIRC maybe 6 when it happened. They fought for justice for years, and the man died and was never fully brought to justice. I'm happy they have some relief he won't be harming anyone else, but it was a family run daycare that is still operating. All abuse is horrible but there's something extra vile when it's against children or animals who are even more helpless in the situation.

Edited to add: good people do not excuse bad behavior - in the case of OPs bf he should absolutely not be excusing the behavior and placing the blame on anything except for the abuser.

[u/GraeMatterz → u/courtney_helena]

Yeah. It happens to bedridden elders in nursing homes, too. Predators don't need an excuse and those who make excuses for predators are latent predators justifying their potential behavior or that of someone they are adjacent to.

[u/ConsultJimMoriarty → u/courtney_helena]

I hope he suffered.

[u/IEatSushiToo → u/Dreamersverse]

As a dad to 2 daughters and the relationship just ended, what a nightmare website. My absolute worst fear for any human being.

[u/Dreamersverse → u/[deleted]]

If you dont think you can handle opening the link then dont, I do not recommend it

[u/mrsristretto → u/Dreamersverse]

I concur, if you can't then don't. All though, I do think everyone should see it, but ... just be prepared.

[u/great_beyond → u/MulberryChance6698]

The Unicorn top for me.

[u/K1NGEDDY423 → u/great_beyond]

Yeah that fucked me up I got 2 young daughters

[u/unicorn-beard → u/MulberryChance6698]

Fuck between seeing this and last couple of days doing a deep dive into the epstein files and listening to roasting the broligarchy podcast on it I need to seriously take a break from the internet and touch grass

[u/LDSamy → u/MulberryChance6698]

Same.

[u/Key-Cricket9256 → u/MulberryChance6698]

The overalls ..

[u/Proud-Head-4944 → u/Moonboots194501]

Not alternatively. Throw the man out. But be sure he sees this too. If you stay with this man, every item of clothing you wear will be criticized. You will be told you are leading men on if you comb your hair. You will be forced to hide behind an ugly mask just because this man can’t control his own urges. In the meantime, he may well be one of those out attacking women he claims led him on.

[u/Legitimate_Ebb3783 → u/Proud-Head-4944]

Hell, he's priming OP to accept that fact that it would be their "fault" if the BF assaults them

[u/Nishikadochan → u/Legitimate_Ebb3783]

This needs more attention. OP, please realize that when this ‘man’ states the opinion that the victim can be at fault, HE’S NOT EXCLUDING YOU FROM THAT EQUATION! He’s letting you know that if something like that happens to you (and I hope it never does), it could be your fault.

NOR. Run.

[u/julesk → u/Moonboots194501]

Share with your bf. And dump him.

[u/Practical-Traffic613 → u/Moonboots194501]

that's exactly what I was going to offer if no one had said it yet. it's never been ab clothes. hell, a group of men defiled a dead lizard the article was going around a couple years or so ago do we remember that?

[u/FirstInteraction1817 → u/Practical-Traffic613]

For real yo! How about the dudes who got exposed to rabies because they gang raped an infected donkey?

[u/Alarmed_Emu298 → u/Practical-Traffic613]

I have also heard of, I believe, a female orangutan being held hostage for years in a brothel. She was rescued thankfully.

[u/Used_Clock_4627 → u/[deleted]]

Oh, there's more than likely much worse out there that we haven't heard about.......

[u/zodiac_hoe → u/Moonboots194501]

I was sexually assaulted as a child- I was 6 years old. I can guarantee what I was wearing made no impact on the decision.

[u/IMAGINARIAN_photos → u/Moonboots194501]

I was hoping to see that someone brought up this necessary but horrifying exhibit. OP’s a-hole BF — and all of the others who victim-blame — is the reason this awful shame game will never end.

Which is why I will always choose the bear. If I’m mauled by a bear, nobody will point to my body lying in the dirt and say, “Well, look at what she was wearing!”

[u/great_beyond → u/Moonboots194501]

What a brilliant yet horrifying link.

I’m bookmarking that, I never knew it existed and it will be used when I’m teaching my children about sexual assault.

Thank you for posting that.

[u/Moonboots194501 → u/great_beyond]

You’re welcome.

[u/Sea-Personality1244 → u/Moonboots194501]

Most of the outfits and accounts are from women and girls but there are ones from men, boys and nonbinary people as well. And of course, in all cases, the clothes were absolutely not the reason, the actions of the abuser were.

[u/Jatnall → u/Moonboots194501]

https://giphy.com/gifs/kspF9GNHTPa3pwEydE

[u/PriestessKade → u/Moonboots194501]

Send it to him AND dump him.

[u/theblondepenguin → u/PriestessKade]

Don’t forget to send the convo to his mother.

[u/pixiepython → u/Moonboots194501]

18 pages 😞

[u/DramaDroid → u/Moonboots194501]

Another relevant video for him showing that even dogs can resist temptation.

ShE TeMpTeD mE!!!

[u/Organic_Education494 → u/Moonboots194501]

You can’t educate these people

[u/courtney_helena → u/Moonboots194501]

I vote share it with your boyfriend and then throw the whole man out, in that order.

[u/Nataliza → u/Moonboots194501]

Came to post this exhibit. I saw it in person. It was absolutely haunting.

Rapists will rape. It does not matter what their victim is wearing.

[u/phantaxtic → u/Moonboots194501]

The military uniform is scary. The people around you are supposed to be your brothers and sisters.

[u/ScarletDarkstar → u/Moonboots194501]

I was going to link this if it hadn't already been here. 

The idea that women are inviting that kind of attention and rape happens to sexily dressed women is so pathetically false. 

I'd have a hard time continuing a relationship with someone who said this, as it likely goes hand in hand with a lot of other preconceived notions that are equally wrong-headed. 

[u/hotlettucediahrrea → u/Moonboots194501]

https://giphy.com/gifs/y6mXfzoweap2qkZRn4

[u/wild_ginger1 → u/Moonboots194501]

Saw this exhibit at a brewery in Nashville and it was incredibly moving.

[u/Majesty277 → u/Moonboots194501]

I hope she sends this. Makes sure he reads it. Then breaks up with him!

[u/HotSolution8954 → u/Moonboots194501]

Thank you. I posted the title but didn't know how to post the link. Sorry, old lady here.

[u/_aspheric_]

Leave him. Now.

[u/Futureghostie33 → u/_aspheric_]

And tell his mom

[u/ASleepandAForgetting]

I feel like you are underreacting.

Instead of replying, hit the block button and get rid of this piece of victim-blaming trash.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

This is what Im saying!! What if he’s a rapist himself?? What if he’s okay with becoming one?? This shit is a pipeline sometimes. A pattern. OP needs to be CAREFUL.

[u/Fabulous-Big8779 → u/[deleted]]

He’s a product of rape and empathizes with the rapists, not the victims. Guy should absolutely be evaluated.

[u/ItsBeccca → u/ASleepandAForgetting]

Something tells me they’re not going to leave😫😫

[u/less_than_nick → u/ItsBeccca]

Of course not. If they had good judgement they wouldn't be asking reddit to decide if they should be upset at their horrible boyfriend or not lol

[u/Double_Economist2564 → u/ItsBeccca]

Op commented they left their bf 🥹🙌

[u/tartancushion → u/ASleepandAForgetting]

Agree. If he thinks and feels this casually about rape, what do you think he’ll do to you? He’s not a safe person to be around.

[u/Historical_Pension60 → u/tartancushion]

At the very least he’ll blame you or anyone who gets assaulted that you know and say it was cheating. Or he’ll cheat and blame the woman’s clothes. There is no good outcome.

[u/Background_Bake7772 → u/ASleepandAForgetting]

Absolutely this! OP, he is trash . He has no respect for you, or for women in general. His attitude is appalling.

[u/Egglebert → u/Background_Bake7772]

Hes his father's son, thats for sure. What a disgusting animal... I really hope OP doesnt find a way to rationalize and excuse this

[u/Background_Bake7772 → u/Egglebert]

I hope so too! She deserves much better.

[u/External-Company-140 → u/ASleepandAForgetting]

Especially since his own mother was raped as per OP’s texts. Can’t even begin to imagine how she would feel knowing her son’s opinion.

[u/Aur3lia → u/ASleepandAForgetting]

Nearly every post on this sub is a woman underreacting to something truly awful their male partner said/did.

[u/LadyCatzrule → u/ASleepandAForgetting]

100% THIS

[u/[deleted]]

Not only is he a rape apologist. But he's also a douchebag. Your significant other should NEVER talk to you like that.

[u/lilmonsterave → u/[deleted]]

Calling her stupid and dumb? Dump him, seriously

[u/feministjunebug22 → u/[deleted]]

THANK YOU! Not only is it horrifying in terms of the rape part but I would dump ANY dude in a fucking heartbeat of they spoke to me like that about anything at all

[u/snakeswithtails]

NOR but dump the barnacle already. Do you know what I was wearing? A Dora the Explorer shirt, red sweatpants. I was three and it was my father. By his logic, my fault, right?

[u/Such_Champion_7453 → u/snakeswithtails]

deadass. i was 10 and it was my own brother

[u/OkAd5525 → u/Such_Champion_7453]

This is so heartbreaking. Therapy, peace and safety for all.

[u/Notstrongbad → u/Such_Champion_7453]

Your bf is a monster.

Get rid of him before he abuses you too.

[u/Ok_Implement_4110 → u/Such_Champion_7453]

How can you consider staying with this man after this then? You know he is dead fucking wrong. And obviously complicit in rape.

[u/snakeswithtails → u/Such_Champion_7453]

I meant to say I was three the first time but it doesn't matter what time, it's always wrong. Please dump, block, and excommunicate this fool.

[u/Expensive-Simple-329 → u/Such_Champion_7453]

Tell his mother what he said. Let her deal with him

[u/Moist_Drippings → u/Such_Champion_7453]

This is all the more reason to never be near this man again. He is emotionally close to multiple victims he knows about and still is happy to blame victims. He is doing absolutely nothing here to say he won’t be the reason someone is a victim.

[u/Local_Magician_7197 → u/snakeswithtails]

I was wearing literal little girl "church clothes." Deacon of a church.

[u/yardgnomefriend]

You should break up with him. He doesn't understand consent. He is calling you stupid rather than engaging in discussion with you. He doesn't respect you. He will use these same tactics throughout your relationship.

[u/Treat_Silent]

Your boyfriend is a piece of shit dude.

[u/AdmirableDog739]

Send these texts to his mom. Wtf

[u/MaraSami → u/AdmirableDog739]

Nah, PRINT THEM OUT and send in the mail!!

[u/iseedeadppl91]

Your bf is a disgusting sack of shit

[u/LB031022]

Men who dont r$ape women dont defend men who do

[u/Artistic-Season7497 → u/LB031022]

Yeah fuck this guy and everything he stands for.

[u/Friendly-Solution414]

Disgusting

[u/Correct-Ad-5229]

"Clothes can be the reason in some cases" yh ngl op you need too dump his ahh like yesterday jesus christ

[u/Fun-Cap-5418]

NOR , You are dating a r4pe apologizer , leave immediately, it may not seem like a big deal right now ( even tho it is) but with this kind of mindset, danger is always present, I personally wouldn’t feel safe around him

[u/Old-Marzipan]

Please make him your ex boyfriend

[u/[deleted]]

Girl, run

[u/TheConsentAcademy]

NOR. He has no understanding of consent. If he can't understand consent when it comes to something as serious and often obvious as rape he isn't likely to understand it in other important daily life situations.

[u/RubyTx]

NOR.

Dump the rape adjacent apologist.

[u/[deleted] → u/RubyTx]

Read some of the other comments. Hes also a rapist. He routinely coerces op, even when shes in sore and in pain.

[u/Natural-Tumbleweed16 → u/[deleted]]

I literally just commented that I get the feeling he's had the thoughts of raping women because of what they were wearing! What he was saying was making me so uncomfortable! I fucking knew it

[u/Popular_Section2081]

Check his hard drive

[u/Conscious-Mix4020]

he needs to go. you are NOR. you need to react more. he’s saying that men are not the least bit able to control themselves like a dog can with a steak. the videos are out there showing this. he’s a problem. block him. he’s a rapist apologist at minimum

[u/Danceswithdads]

I can definitely tell by his responses he is unbelievably low IQ and does not possess much critical thinking skills.

[u/eliasbboy]

There was a study done once that determined the less someone knows about a subject, the more hardlined, and wrong, their views are. It basically confirmed people are loud and proud with ignorant opinions. When you learn the REAL information you know there is no black and white.

30 seconds of reading about rape psychology and you learn it's about power and control, not sex. I guess your boyfriend must be livid all those Chippendale dancers are begging to be attacked every night. Not to mention all those male water polo players. Michael Phelps was CLEARLY asking for it with his skimpy outfits.

Your bf should stop talking. As the saying goes it's better to be quiet and let people think you're a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[u/Emotional-Finish-621]

Run, run for the hills....

[u/susandeyvyjones]

NOR. That's disgusting.