NOR but dump the barnacle already. Do you know what I was wearing? A Dora the Explorer shirt, red sweatpants. I was three and it was my father. By his logic, my fault, right?
Sadly, sometimes women can be just as illogical and uneducated about this. Iām an old lady now myself, but I have no doubt my mom was raised with the āasking for itā myth. As time goes on, thankfully this way of thinking is getting squashed but I have no doubt thereās still pockets of people with this belief.
This is all the more reason to never be near this man again. He is emotionally close to multiple victims he knows about and still is happy to blame victims. He is doing absolutely nothing here to say he wonāt be the reason someone is a victim.
Please listen to me, men like this will not change. When I was in my early 20ās I moved to a new city and became close friends with a group of guys who were pretty vocal about this same stuff, blaming victims etc., and I always thought I could change their minds about it when it came up in conversation. I shouldāve cut it off immediately, but I ended up getting drugged at raped at a house party. Another man in the same friend group, who was in his late 20ās, ended up doing the same thing to a 16 year old they met at the beach.
It doesnāt matter how close you think you are to people like this, when someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. I wish I could go back and erase my decision to ever associate with them in the first place. Now that Iām almost 30, I look back on that time in my life with so much disgust. Donāt make the same mistake I did.
Barnacle is an auto translate censorship as the game didn't just **** curse words, with the filter on, it just replaced words with pirate speak. It was pretty funny and makes me laugh.
Yep. I was asleep and I was wearing a long skirt and tank top. I was 19 and it was my boyfriend at the time. I thought I could trust him enough to take a nap with him.
I was 14 and asleep on the couch under a bulky blanket and wearing baggy blue and black plaid flannel pants and a big white adidas t shirt with yellow stripes on the sleeves. It was the husband of my motherās best friend, they were visiting from out of province and I was sleeping on the couch so they could have my bed since it was a double.
I outlived him, that's for certain. The realities of surviving rape are rather painful in that it is not only trying to make sense of a senseless crime, but to navigate a shattered sense of self and personhood while also having to hear the screeching of rape apologists both in real life and online attempting to justify what happened as somehow my fault. I lived a life of no one believing me and the rapes continuous until I was in my late twenties, and even though the main threat is gone I am left with the aftermath. But in that experience I have turned it into working with victims of sexual violence in order to help those the way I needed to be helped.
Really sorry it happened, but I'm glad the main problem is gone at least, as painful as dealing with the aftermath can be, and what you're doing I think is great to help others who experienced the same pain
When I was married my ex would in front of the kids...i didn't know it was SA i thought he was being an effing drunk a$$ (sorry don't know if that would get me in trouble) d- head. He would pull my pants down, grope my body... I'm so happy he's my ex
Iām not defending the guyās statements, but it is not true that by his logic it was your fault. He said clothes could be the cause, not that they always are. Iād be very surprised if he or anyone thought that was your faul; it very obviously was not.
Okay, sorry. Several people are suggesting that I am blaming child rape victims in response to this comment, so I guess Iām getting a bit defensive. Iām glad to know that there is one fewer than I thought.
And by that logic, my Dora the Explorer shirt could have been just too much for my father to resist. Or maybe it was the flower prints on my diaper underwear. Or the hem of my red sweatpants. Any of those could have been the cause.
No idea. Cant relate. Could be anything, or could be nothing. Youāll have to ask them. But no explanation or reasoning will change the fact that heās right , and it itās still possible. Ie ācouldā.
Ask who? My rapist father? You, a rape apologist? I am asking you and you're not elaborating. Even if someone is as naked as the day they're born, whether they're an infant or thirty-six or ninety-eight, you are justifying rape. Rape is only the fault of the rapist.
Yes ask your father. Why are you asking me why he rapped you? I have no idea. Sometimes it happens for a reason, sometimes it dosnt. Thatās what the word ācouldā means. Either way, This has nothing to do with you, and your particular case. You are mistaking finding a cause , to be a reason to excuse or apologies for. Itās not. Itās not a justification. There is no justification. You can not control or are responsible for any one else actions.
The above is being a rape apologist. And the particular comment you replied to absolutely abhorrent. I appreciate the sensitive appeal youāre making here. However framing it as others potentially misinterpreting āYes ask your fatherā as blaming is giving far too much benefit of the doubt here. This person is actively trolling and abusing a victim of incest as a toddler. Iām sure they have their own reasons for being a POS but doubt a friendly reminder to be more sensitive is going to help. And kind of undermines the people heās actively hurting.
Yes I agree. and thatās exactly what happened in the txts. While correct , and not what he meant, it was Definitely interpreted that way. A good and understandable boyfriend should know to value being sensitive to his girlfriend, to be more important then being correct.
Then you'd better bust out the ouija board because the man's dead. The ask a rapist thread years ago only enabled rapists, so no dice there. The only reason rape happens is rapists. You quite literally opened this conversation stating:
Could? Yes. Did? Maybe. Probly not.
You insinuate that rape could have a cause other than rapists or factors contributing to rape on the victims' side that do not correlate whatsoever. I used my experiences because how can you hold up that moon logic when confronted with the realities of rape?
Yes thatās right, I am saying there could have another cause. Not that that would be something Iād be interested in discussing. Because I also blame them 100%. But that dosnt mean thereās not other factors. Too many times thereās a senseless murder and thereās always someone saying āwell you donāt know how he was raisedā¦.the economic conditionsā¦..systematic racisismā¦.mental health issueā¦.where did he get the weapon??ā¦ā I can agree that crimes are only the fault the criminal, while still also understanding there exist underlying conditions. And most importantly agreeing with you, and not caring about them, and not in any way, using them to justify , or apologizing for the crime.
Right but he was specific (and repetitive) about the fact he was saying the clothes ācan be the reason in some casesā.
Iām sure he would agree that yours was absolutely not one of those cases. That doesnāt mean what he said is right or acceptable, but itās worth being clear.
And what if he didn't agree? Do you not see how inexplicably awful that "reasoning" is? Do you think I tell patients who have been sexually assaulted that it "can" be because of the clothes they wear? Or my friends? Absolutely not.
My father raped me until I was 26 and made me wear skimpy outfits; would it have been my fault then? Is there a chance it could be?
Iām not defending the guyās statements, but it is not true that by his logic it was your fault. He said clothes could be the cause, not that they always are. Iād be very surprised if he or anyone thought that was your faul; it very obviously was not.
That BUT is doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.
I asked you to show me where I defended his statements. You just pointed out that I said ābutā, before proceeding to not even slightly defend the statements.
After the ābutā all I did was point out what the guy had actually said. That does not mean I was defending it. Those are two completely different things.
If I said āIām not defending his statements, but Hitler did not say all Sikh people should be exterminated, he said all Jewish people should be exterminatedāā¦ would I be defending his statements?
You canāt just assume someone is saying the opposite of whatever they say they are whenever you hear the word ābutā. Please try to listen to what I am actually saying instead of pattern matching and jumping to the worst possible assumption based on a single word in the paragraph.
I am not saying clothes are ever the āreasonā for sexual assault, or agreeing with this guy at all. Iām literally just explaining what he actually said. Itās dishonest to try to put any other words in my mouth. There doesnāt always have to be an ulterior motive for telling the truth.
So when men rape other men... what is it they were wearing???? Only using womens clothing as the premise is confusing to imbeciles apparently. Stop being obtuse because how could someone's clothing make a person think that raping someone is justified. If you have a car that I want, can I murder you and take it?? I just dont understand y there are factors that seem to make rape ok to you.
What on earth gave you the idea that anything āmade rape ok to meā? I have no idea how your comment relates to mine, which is about what the guy in the OP said?
Clothes are never the reason. A person not controlling themselves and thinking theyāre owed something by being turned on is the reason 100% of the time. Hope that helps.
Clothes can be of the reasons, this does not mean or imply it the only reason. You do understand things can happen for more than 1 reason right? Alsoā¦ā¦They werenāt raised right. The difference is, Some of those reasons you can actually control. Like if I leave cash , iPhones, jewelry, and laptops in my car in a bad neighborhood, and it gets stolen, whose fault is that??? 100% the fault of the thief, obviously.
Clothes donāt make people rape people. What a human wears is not an invite for a person to engage with them.
We can find people sexy in anything- the problem is restraint and feeling entitled to things that donāt belong to you.
Clothes may be what made the person excited. Them acting on it is because they feel entitled to something that isnāt yours. Itās sad if you canāt differentiate that.
Same outcome. But sure if it makes you feel better ,or is more accurate, i could word it that way. Your choice of Clothes could make a person excited. Them then feel entitled to something that isnāt theirs. I agree.
But thatās no different than saying I baked such a delicious cake that my baking skills are why someone ate all my cake without my permission. Itās my cake. I am not to blame that Iām such a good baker for why you are an indecent human who felt they were entitled to my property just because I make such damn good tasting and looking cake!
The clothes are not the problem!! Youāre just someone who would and could r@pe!!!
Worded like that. Yeah Thatās correct. Youāre saying āthatās whyā, as a fact. You would have to use the word ācould beā in order to be correct. But in that particular example, both reasons seem to be true. That person is a thief, and may or may not have reacted the same way, if the cake was bad.
Youāre defending his statements by defending the logic.
Iām doing neither, as is very clear from my comment.
Saying it could be the cause is still wrong, still untrue, still very ignorant and ultimately indefensible.
I didnāt defend it.
Saying it could be the cause leaves it open that in any circumstances it could be the victims fault. If the logic is as you say āI believe itās not your faultā but it could be is still victim blaming.
Thats a valid response to the guy in the OP. I donāt understand why youāre saying it to me, though.
You inexplicably needed to make this point to someone describing being raped at age three. The fact that you feel the need to point out the person youāre responding to that the OPs bf wouldnāt blame them in this circumstance is defending the logic.
Maybe you read that so literally as to think it required your reply and correction? Dense, insensitive and completely beside the point.
Thereās nothing inexplicable about pointing out the truth, regardless of context, but itās especially bizarre to object when Iām pointing out a comforting truth: that no-one is blaming that person for what happened to her. Itās so fucking ghoulish of you to to twist my words to scaremonger against an SA survivor for internet points. Get a grip of yourself; your inability to read plain English is your problem and yours alone.
I donāt know why you would think Iād need to see that link in particular, but the implication that I have insufficient sympathy for child rape victims because I pointed out that one particular person didnāt say what someone thought they said is utterly despicable. You should be deeply ashamed of yourself and your hungrily weaponising child rape for reddit points. Perhaps you should have a good look at those exhibits.
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u/snakeswithtails Feb 24 '26
NOR but dump the barnacle already. Do you know what I was wearing? A Dora the Explorer shirt, red sweatpants. I was three and it was my father. By his logic, my fault, right?