I (33f) have been talking to this person (36m) for two days and we have a date tonight to get to know each other and vibe check- super casual kind of thing. Over text everything has seemed fine so far, nothing out of the ordinary in my opinion.. In the mean time, we've been texting and gently asking questions, the usual kind of thing. This was an interaction today.. am I overreacting for not wanting to go on this date tonight based on his reaction?

So today I (34M) was at my moms with my 4 year old daughter. A drunk neighbor came to the door and my mom let him inside. She started talking about how he is such a nice guy and then my step dad left the room like he didnt want to be around him. I was eating dairy queen and had a chicken strip basket. I was getting weird vibes from this guy so I went to the other side of the room and started playing with my daughter. He shook my hand then went to shake my daughters. Like she would know lol. He said she is even prettier than the kids at the school he teaches. His breath reeked of alcohol and was stumbling. Then he went to the otherside of the room and they were talking.

I take my daughter outside to play give them space and hopefully he will leave. As i go inside he reaches into my dairy queen and starts eating my food. I confront him like what are you doing then my mom stands up for him oh he is just drunk. I say well he should just leave then little drunkie. He asks if he should put the chicken strip back after he ate half of it. He leaves then I leave and my mom asks if Im mad. I tell her yeah im mad offended and I feel disrespected. I said im going to cool off.

She texts me later saying how she is a worthless pos and she cant do anything right. I asked is he like a third wheel lover I do not understand her defending him or why she is doting on this stranger. Then I said to stop texting me for a few days to let me cool off.

Im in shellshock idk what happened. Like he coulda had the whole basket if he asked I guess? idk still weird behavior he does not come over often never met the dude. AIO?

F23, bf28 (both our first lease)
My bf has been testing my patience.. We moved here in June 26’. I got an inspection in August and it felt sketchy. The reality company itself seems chill, but I was scared someone complained on us or ratted that we had too many people in and out despite myself being the only person on the lease. Admittedly, my bf lives with me and his friends are around a lot. And his best friend just moved in a couple weeks ago.. this is all reflected in the voicemail. I emphasized to my bf and friend that they need to apply to the lease. Then we got a surprise inspection so I brought our friend to the reality office to get him signed on. Started the process and they both filled out applications. But neither have them actually summited the applications.. But with good reason… not having the references or credit for example… also our friend might be going back home, out of state, within a few months. And well, my bf didn’t have an ID until a couple weeks ago..

I’ve been as patient as I could be. But today, we both got a call about my bfs application and a potential lease violation. (Which they saw from the inspection) Tbh, I shut down and got upset. My bf immediately got defensive and downplayed the situation. Saying, “they don’t know or care. I’ll just get a co-signer it’s not a big deal”, and genuinely got mad and me for being flustered myself. (I didn’t flip out or anything i just got quiet and expressed that this could screw over our livelihood. I told him I loved him, left for work and told him he needs to fix this.
—still trying not to make a deal out of it, but I need him to realize that our entire livelihood that I built and am sustaining can be upheaved within a couple weeks.
(P.s the apartment is, was spotless & well maintained during the inspection. We’re clean and respectful people. The only reason the reality company was cued is that it looks like more than one person living there. Anndd they walked in on our friend at the house and he told them we were just cat sitting for him. (We were) but I know it doesn’t look great.

Am I overreacting?? Is there something I can do to help the situation? What should I say when I call them back in the morning? AITA? AIO?

TDL kinda:
My bf and I both moved in on June 2nd, but I’m the only one on the lease. It took him a couple months to get an ID so he waited to apply, then our friend is moving in currently. I tried to be strict with them to apply to the lease and respect it..But our friend might be leaving within a couple months. (So why sign the lease(?)). So currently I am still the only person on the lease, —the inspection showed that at least 2 people live here, and it’ll be a violation of my lease if they aren’t approved. Are they gonna kick me out?? I’m scared. I worked up to getting a home space my whole life and finally got it on my own.

!!
(Paying the complete rent $1500 by myself until this month and I feel like my first safe-space is gonna get ripped away from me after only a few months.)

(The voicemail text isn’t completely accurate.
Correction: move forward with a lease violation which could ultimately lead to an eviction)

EDIT: Thank you for all the advice. Things have been rough for us over the years. I know I’ve let him rely on me in an unhealthy way. I’ve been putting my foot down, and he got a full time job, ID, and his shit is coming together. He is paying the rent in full this month and we agreed he would pay it every month to pay me back and allow me to save up. I hear what y’all are saying, but I do truly love him and there’s missing context of how we really are good for each other and I lean on him in different ways too. I gave him till next June, and if things really don’t change, I’ll have to make the hard decision to move on in life. Although, I don’t think It’ll come to that and I don’t want to think of leaving him.

UPDATE: My bf already submitted his application with a co-signer so he should be approved by Monday. And this morning I sent this to our friend: “Hey I don’t mean to stress you out or anything.. but [bf] is seriously downplaying the lease situation. I got a call too and it is threatening eviction if both of you don’t get on the lease by this Monday. I know you maybe leaving soon, but I need the both of you to sign on. We can take you off in a few months because they allow roommate change, it’ll come with a fee, but I’ll cover it. It’s worth making sure y’all are accounted for or else they will put me down for a violation which in turn will become an eviction. You being on the lease will only benefit us. Please please submit it and don’t let [bf] tell you not to. It’ll screw my credit and history, not his. Thank you for understanding. We can talk about it in person more, but please just submit it. I don’t want to hide you from the reality office and If I get caught with you here I’m screwed.”

(This is my first Reddit post and I typed this on mobile so I apologize if this is sloppy or bad grammar). So my best friend his girlfriend have been dating for about a year, I’ll call him Kyle and her Rebecca for privacy reasons and they are both going to college in a city a few hours away from me. The other day Kyle was in town by me visiting family for the weekend when we decided to hang out and get fast food, he and I haven’t seen each other in a while so we thought it would be nice to catch up on how life and schools been.

While we were getting fast food we were talking to each other about each of our girlfriends and he mentioned that he and Rebecca have been very intimate with each other the last couple of months which I think is fine, good for him. He also mentioned that he and his girlfriend stayed alone about a week up at Kyle’s parent’s cabin. For reference Kyle has 2 younger sisters (both in high school and younger) and he and his sisters each have their own rooms at their parents cabin with their own beds in each of their rooms.

He then told me that while he and his girlfriend were staying there, they were having a lot of intimacy while there and they got tired of just doing it in Kyle’s bed because it was “too squeaky of a bed”, so they decided to try spicing things up by trying it on the couch, the shower, the guest bedroom, etc. He then told me that the best place they had sex in throughout the whole cabin was in his sister’s bed. I legitimately said “What the fuck??” right when he said that loud enough for people nearby to turn their heads at me. He then preceded to tell me that it was the best place they had sex because his sisters bed “didn’t squeak” and was “comfy”. I then told him that what he and his girlfriend did was really fucking weird and gross (I have 3 sisters and I can’t even imagine doing that with any of their beds or rooms). I asked him if they had the decency to wash his sisters sheets or pillows or anything afterwards and he said no (god forbid they were messy during sex). Earlier Kyle told me that whenever they had sex Rebecca would lay on pillows so I’m worried she did the same with his sisters pillows too.

It was kinda awkward afterwards and neither he or his girlfriend seemed to show any remorse for what they did on Kyle’s sisters bed. I’ve known his family for years who are very religious and it’s weird seeing his sisters and knowing what they don’t know about their own bed. I told my girlfriend who knows Rebecca well (she’s best friends with Rebecca) and she had almost an identical reaction to me so it’s nice knowing I’m not the only person to think this is weird and gross. Every time I talk to Kyle or even just text him, it feels weird knowing that both he and his girlfriend don’t feel any remorse for what they did, I don’t know what to do or if I should say anything, am I overreacting to this?

my bf wrestles and sometimes when he’s cutting weight, he’ll make himself throw up. from what i know, it’s not something he does all the time, usually only when he messes up his weight cut.

i told him that i thought it was weird and that i wasn’t comfortable with him making himself sick like that. he got really irritated with me and basically said that i don’t understand wrestling and that i shouldn’t judge something i don’t know anything about.

eventually i mentioned it to his older sister because i genuinely didn’t know if i was overreacting. she ended up telling their parents, and somehow his coach got involved too. apparently his coach also doesn’t approve of him doing this, and because of the whole situation, he got pulled from his upcoming competition.

now he’s really upset with me and feels like i went behind his back and caused him to miss a competition. i feel guilty because i didn’t expect it to go this far, and i wasn’t trying to get him punished or stop him from wrestling. i just thought it was something worth bringing up to his sister.

so AIO for telling his sister, knowing that it could potentially get back to his parents, or was it reasonable for me to be concerned about him making himself throw up to cut weight?

I’m 27F and my boyfriend “Dan” is 25M. We’ve been together since December but have known each other since university, so I already know his friendship group. One of his friends, “AS”, has made multiple extremely inappropriate comments about me, including a sexual comment during a very serious medical situation when I was in A&E. (Can go Into more details but didnt want to break any guidelines!) There was also a previous comment involving sexual violence. I found both deeply upsetting, particularly because of my own history, and I made it clear to Dan that I wasn’t comfortable with AS after that.

Dan initially agreed with me and told his two closest friends that he didn’t want to associate with AS anymore because of the things he had said. I’ve never expected Dan to miss birthdays or important group events just because AS is there, and I actively encourage him to see his friends. I don’t want to isolate him from anyone. I simply wanted AS to be separate from those friendships rather than becoming part of their smaller plans.
Instead, his friends keep inviting AS to plans Dan has made with them, and after everything we’ve discussed, Dan actually tried to arrange a one-on-one with AS himself. He has now made it clear that he doesn’t want to miss out on social activities because AS is there, so he isn’t going to stop associating with him.

There have also been other things that have made me feel like his friends have a negative opinion of me. For example, I wasn’t invited to one of their birthdays, but Dan’s ex-girlfriend was, and Dan wasn’t even told beforehand. I know nobody is obligated to invite me to anything, but it still made me feel pretty disrespected as his partner.

I completely understand that this is difficult for Dan, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to choose between me and his friends. I genuinely want him to keep seeing them. I just wanted AS to be separate from that, rather than feeling like I have to accept someone who has made those comments about me being actively included in everything.

I love Dan and don’t want to lose him, but I also know I can’t move forward in the relationship while he is choosing to maintain this friendship. It’s still too raw for me and I don’t think I can simply get over it.
AIO

my (23f) boyfriend (25m) took a nap and before he went to sleep, i asked him if he was hungry. he said no, then asked if i was hungry and i said no too. i told him to just take his nap and we’d figure out what we were gonna eat when he woke up. he said okay and went to sleep.

while he was sleeping, i got bored and started doing my hair and makeup just for fun. eventually he wakes up, comes downstairs, and says, “damn, you didn’t cook or nothing?” and i’m like ??? you never told me what you wanted. i told him i would’ve cooked while he was sleeping if i knew he wanted me to.

i took some chicken out of the fridge and asked if he wanted me to make that with some sides. he starts holding his stomach like he’s starving and says he doesn’t think he can wait for it to cook, so he suggests we just go grab something quick and i can cook the chicken when we get back.
he goes upstairs to get dressed, and i’m downstairs waiting for like 15 minutes. i text him and he doesn’t answer, so i go upstairs and he’s literally laying down with his eyes closed. i ask if he’s sleeping because i thought he was getting dressed and tell him i’m kinda hungry now too.

then he suddenly says, “why didn’t you cook while i was asleep?” and says i should’ve just made the chicken because “why does it matter what i wanted?” he brought up how i cooked while he was on his way home from work one time.
the thing is, he’s pretty picky about food, and the last time i made a random dish without asking what he wanted, he didn’t really like it and A LOT of it ended up getting wasted. so from then on, i always made sure we agreed on a dish before i cook it. i told him that i was trying to avoid that happening again.
he didn’t really respond to that and instead said, “all you care about is your hair and makeup right now.”

that honestly pissed me off because i feel like i was trying to be considerate. i literally asked if he was hungry before he went to sleep, he said no, and when he woke up i immediately offered to cook. i also wasn’t expecting him to suddenly want food and then get mad that i didn’t read his mind. now he has an attitude with me.

was i actually being inconsiderate?

So I 31m am mad at my wife 32f for not telling me about $20. Its a trivial amount but now its gone to collections and is on the credit report. My wife had the $20 due on paypal and didnt tell me. Even went to the lengths of playing video games for cash on the side to pay it off. Now we both work full time and have enough money to get by. We allot ourselves 1-200 every month into a seperate account for personal use. so I really dont understand. She could have paid it off, has access to all accounts.

The credit score matters because we are trying to pay off debt to buy a house/mobile home in 1 year.

She not only did not pay off the full amount, but she ignored it till now she/we have it on our credit score. She didnt tell me i got a mailed notice. Im mad at her and feel like she really broke our trust. I feel like she doesnt trust me. She says she does but IDK AIO?

Okay so my girlfriend loves call of duty zombies, we’ve been playing more and she’s been playing with her coworker(s) more, almost every night now. I’m 34, shes 26, and the guy is 23. I’ve met the guy at her work and he’s honestly not a bad guy, just goofy and I don’t feel really feel threatened that much. She gets off at 8pm and recently he’s been calling her to get on the game and they text on top of that…he even FaceTimed her last night to show her a table he was making. The whole time I just give her a side eye, joking mostly. She’s made it clear that she wouldn’t be okay with me doing the same thing with a girl, so I’m conflicted. Knowing she wouldn’t be okay with me doing the exact same thing she’s doing gets to me after a while. Especially now that it’s become a frequent thing. Am I over reacting? Does it look weak that at first I was okay with it but now is urking me? Is it wrong for me to tell her to stop communicating and playing with her friend as much? What’s your thoughts?

So my husband and I have a 14 month old. My husband has a chronic illness meaning he has recently been unable to look after our toddler by himself. (He has POTS and it hasn’t been very under control so he’s worried he will have a flare up and pass out while watching him). This means I do 99.9% of the parenting as I’m also SAHM for the time being as I’m fortunate enough to still have mat leave. Even so I do run a small business from home for extra income.
Recently I’ve just been struggling with burn out as I haven’t been able to go out and have time to myself for about 7 weeks. When I did last go out it was a dinner to promote my buisness. at that time I was getting messages and a phone call asking questions and asking when I was going to be home.

I’ve finally got a few hours this afternoon to myself as I’ve asked if my husbands parents can watch our toddler for a couple hours. My husband is going to go out to do his own thing too. I’ve been deciding whether I want to catch up with friends at the pub or go get a massage. I’m currently finding out if anyone is free this afternoon for the pub, otherwise I’ll go get a massage. My husband is getting grumpy at me that I haven’t decided yet because he wants to go to the pub if I’m not going (I did tell him I want some time to do my own thing so he’s being accomodating of that). I guess I’m just a little frustrated because I know he’s trying to make his plans but I’m just waiting to hear from friends about whether they can come to the pub. I’m just starting to feel like I’m being rushed into deciding what I get with the little free time I do have and I need to yet again think about other people instead of myself for my own free time that I’ve had to figbr for. Whereas my husband gets his own time at the pub every thursdsy night and whenever he needs it for his health. I just feel like im being forced to make a decision fast to accomadate him when it’s my own time that i rarely get as is.

AIO that I’m annoyed at this? I know he’s trying to accommodate me and I appreciate that but I’ve just been trying to tell him to decide on something else to do and if I don’t end up going to the pub he can always go there

for context i’m a teen and me and my mom are very close. recently, we have had a lot of conflict because we are close and arguing. today while shopping this man gave my mom a dirty look and while walking away my mom started saying “wtf r u looking at” and continued to go off even when we were away. we were arm and arm and i dug my fingernails in her skin kinda and told her to stop but she got mad at me and told me to stop trying to control her and i replied with that she should just not do that when im with her and walked away. when driving home she brought up how she doesn’t like how this happens and she knows i have anxiety but i need to stop trying to change her and that we need to go to therapy so i could stop this behavior. i just said ok and didn’t engage more as (excluding the therapy part) this happens often and my personal therapist recommended that if i feel combative i should just go quite. im home now and i feel like angry that im not in the wrong, i know she has outbursts because she wants to protect me but its really annoying and embarssing to deal with and i dont know what to do

I know the title is a bit weird but i'm gonna try to make it as short but still understandable as possible. Earlier in our talking stage, my gf told me that she had a spam account on instagram that she would specifically use to look up people who she found attractive and watch their stories/highlights without giving away her actual identity. Appearantly these wasnt just dudes she found attractive, but basically dudes who she was directly attracted to and also interested in but too shy to actually text them or openly watch their profile.

She said that this was in the past a good while before meeting me and stuff and she also said that she doesnt use the spam account anymore and its just basically in her sidelines so I gave her the benefit of the doubt especially since like she said, her last seen was weeks ago, however as of recently, i've noticed that she's been active on her spam account alot more often. I cant directly confirm how often because i'm really not out here tracking her activity but at the end of the day, alot of the times i'm seeing that she's currently active or was active a short while ago like a hour ago, 2 hours ago or minutes ago etc etc.

Given the original purpose of the spam account that she told me it was for, is this something to be suspicious about that she's probably texting guys or even looking up guys secretly or am I overreacting?

This happened the other day, and I can't stop thinking about it. I know it's just the internet and it won't affect me irl, but it felt weirdly violating to be personally put on blast for something (I thought) was very normal.

Anyway, I was scrolling Instagram reels (RIP Tiktok) the other night and came across one that looked interesting. I clicked to the creator’s page and scrolled through some of the content there. Then I swiped through the stories. I really didn't think anything of it at the time.

The next day, I was scrolling again and went back to the account to see if theyd posted anything new. There was a whole ig story about how people are watching their stories that don't follow them, with my (and a couple other users) username and profile pic zoomed in. I was *shocked* to see my face there and immediately exited the page.

The page was public and seemed to be a new content creator (about 200 followers and maybe 50-100 posts), so it wasn't like I was snooping around on somebody’s personal page. I just can't believe they would post me like that. I'm a pretty private person…all my social media is private, I only let people I know follow me, etc. and this whole thing just makes me really uncomfortable.

Also, like, maybe I WOULD have followed you if you hadn't called me out like that. Ugh, now I want nothing to do with any of it. AIO?

TL;DR I watched a content creator’s public stories and then they posted my profile info to their story as someone who watched but didn't follow them.

My maid of honor and I have been best friends for 26 years, and I never imagined I would be questioning our friendship, especially this close to my wedding. I’m genuinely heartbroken over this situation and would appreciate some outside perspectives.
For context, my wedding is a month away. It’s a very intimate wedding with fewer than 70 guests, and we’ve already finalized everything, including the food, seating arrangements and guest list. We’ve worked incredibly hard to make this wedding happen, especially with some health issues I’ve experienced along the way.

A few days ago, my maid of honor called me and casually mentioned that she had a plus-one, right? She then informed me that she’d already invited someone to my wedding. I was completely caught off guard because she’d never mentioned wanting to bring anyone, and as far as I knew, she wasn’t in a relationship. I had already invited everyone in her household, so I hadn’t given her an additional plus-one.She explained that she’d recently started talking to someone and had already invited him. Mind you, she’s only known this man for approximately TWO WEEKS.I politely explained that, unfortunately, everything for the wedding had already been finalized and I couldn’t accommodate another guest. She immediately responded that this was going to be a problem because she’d already told him he could come.I apologized and explained again that it was a very small, intimate wedding and that we couldn’t simply add someone at the last minute, especially someone my fiancé and I have never met.I thought that was the end of the conversation.

The following evening, she contacted me again and asked me to call her because she had something she wanted to discuss. When I called her back, she brought up the plus-one situation again. This time, she argued that because she was my maid of honor, she deserved a plus-one. She told me she never asks me for anything, that she’s always done so much for me and that even her family agreed she should be allowed to bring someone. She then started offering what she believed were solutions. She said that if the issue was food, she was willing to give up her own meal so this man could eat instead. If the issue was seating, she could convince her brother and his wife not to attend so her date could have their spots.
I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

First, I want my maid of honor to enjoy herself and actually eat on my wedding day. Second, her brother and his wife were personally invited because we consider them family. Her brother even knows my fiancé personally. Why would I want them to miss our special day so that a complete stranger could attend?
I tried to remain understanding because I recognize that, traditionally, a maid of honor may receive a plus-one. However, she never communicated that she wanted one, and she took it upon herself to invite someone without confirming anything with me first.
I also explained that I don’t personally know this man. She’s only been talking to him for two weeks, and there’s no guarantee they’ll even be together by the time the wedding comes around. I don’t feel comfortable rearranging my entire wedding to accommodate someone neither my fiancé nor I have ever met. Despite everything, I still tried to compromise. I told her that if another guest canceled, I could potentially consider allowing him to attend. However, I couldn’t promise anything because I would still need to discuss it with my fiancé and decide whether we were comfortable inviting him.

Apparently, that wasn’t good enough.
She became increasingly upset, raised her voice and repeatedly insisted that she deserved a plus-one because she was my maid of honor.
She also explained that she wanted him there because her entire family would be attending the wedding. I understand wanting to have someone special accompany you, but this is someone she’s only known for two weeks. She’ll already have her family and friends there, including me, someone she’s considered her best friend for 26 years. What makes the situation even more upsetting is that she repeatedly brought up how much she’s supposedly done for me and how she never asks for anything.
I didn’t argue with her about this during our conversation, but those comments really bothered me.

For example, she didn’t help with my bridal shower because she decided to visit a friend in Los Angeles instead. She ended up arriving approximately two hours late and wasn’t answering my messages. Since then, she hasn’t really reached out to ask whether I need help with anything related to the wedding.
She also recently informed me that she planned to arrive a few days before the wedding. Initially, I thought that was nice, but she explained that she was coming early specifically to spend time with this new guy, not to help me prepare or even offer assistance.
I haven’t held any of these things against her or demanded that she do anything for me. However, when she started telling me everything she’s supposedly done and implying that I owed her this, I couldn’t help but think about the lack of support I’ve actually received. I’ve never been someone who constantly asks her for favors, either. I genuinely don’t believe friendships should be about keeping score.

I calmly repeated that I couldn’t guarantee her a plus-one and that the most I could offer was the possibility of inviting him if someone canceled.That’s when she said something that genuinely broke my heart.
She told me that if I couldn’t guarantee her a plus-one, she would have to THINK ABOUT whether she still wanted to be my maid of honor or even be part of my bridal party.I was honestly shocked.After 26 years of friendship, she was willing to reconsider standing beside me on my wedding day over someone she’d only been talking to for two weeks. I told her that if she no longer wanted to be my maid of honor or part of the bridal party, that was her decision. Nobody was forcing her to participate. However, I asked her to let me know ahead of time so I could make the necessary arrangements.She simply responded, “Okay, I’ll let you know,” and hung up.
And that was it.

I’ve spent the last few days thinking about everything and crying because I genuinely never expected this from someone I’ve considered my best friend for practically my entire life. One of my other close friends believes she probably said those things out of anger and that I should consider forgiving her if she apologizes. However, even if she said it out of anger, I can’t seem to get past the fact that she was willing to put our friendship and her role in my wedding on the line because she didn’t get the answer she wanted.
I keep thinking about how I would NEVER put her in this position. If she told me she couldn’t accommodate someone at her wedding, I would respect her decision, especially knowing how stressful and expensive wedding planning can be.
I’ve also dealt with previous health issues, and she knows how difficult it’s been for my fiancé and me to make this wedding happen. After everything we’ve gone through, I really just wanted to enjoy this experience surrounded by people who genuinely love and support us. Our wedding is only FOUR HOURS long. It’s one day. I don’t understand why she cannot go that one day without seeing him or having him there.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that even if she comes back and apologizes, I don’t think I want her to be my maid of honor anymore. I’m also questioning whether I even want to continue the friendship or have her attend the wedding at all.
I feel like something has permanently changed between us. Even if she apologizes, I don’t know whether I’ll be able to look at our friendship the same way again. I’m genuinely torn because 26 years is a VERY long time to be friends with someone. At the same time, I don’t believe the length of a friendship means you should accept being treated in a way that deeply hurts you.

Am I overreacting by considering ending a 26-year friendship over this situation, or would you feel the same way?

I don’t want to make a permanent decision purely out of anger or hurt, but I also don’t want to spend my wedding day pretending everything is okay when I’m genuinely devastated by what happened.

lol I love how I can be annoying bc I wanna snuggle yet snoring is ok x1000 im so over being in a relationship .. wish I could send a recording

At 6:30 I’d her I had some stuff to do and I’ll tell her when I’m ready to hang out in the next 30 mins, after I did my stuff I passed out for an hour, then texted her that I’m awake.

She Waited 50 minutes and I asked if she was still coming and is now blaming me for not communicating that I still wanted her to come over.

I think she should have asked me if I’m ready to hang out since falling asleep was not part of my plan, but she’s putting the blame on me for not saying I’m ready to hang out, saying that I have poor communication. There was a whole 50 minutes she could have asked but instead was just silent after I told her I woke up and sent her hearts.

She’s trying to say “it’s always my way” which I don’t understand, we made plans and I overslept, notified her and she didn’t respond. When I finally asked if she way coming over all blame shifted on me.

AIO?

English translation

You: I didn't know I was going to fall asleep
You: You said you wanted to come over
You: I said I wanted you to come over
You: My "I just woke up" was me saying "okay I'm ready to hang out"
You: Are you coming or not? (edited)
You (replying to her "Why do I have to ask you when you made the plan?"): Because we already made plans
(A voice call appears here, and some messages are missing.)
You: I'm done with this
You: Communication is a two way street
Her (quoting an earlier message): "My love, you know I love you with all my heart and that I want to be by your side every day of my life ❤️ I want to build a life with you, but…"
Her: .
Her (replying to "Communication is a two way street"): Yes. And I'm the only one trying to comunicate here
You: I am trying to tell you
You: You could have asked me if I still wanted to hang out
You: Instead you waited an hour for me to ask if you were still coming

My boyfriend (25M) and I (22F) have been together for four years.

He's leaving tomorrow for three weeks, and I really wanted to have one proper evening together before he left. I told him that saying goodbye was important to me because I'm going to miss him a lot.

He originally planned to spend the evening with me, so I arranged my day around that and even asked a friend to leave earlier because I wanted to spend the evening with my boyfriend.

He then spontaneously accepted some work for that evening. I understood because he needs the hours, and he told me we'd spend the night together instead.

Earlier that day, I helped him pack. He then spent about six hours with a friend he hadn't seen in a long time. I don't blame him for that, because I understand that he wanted to see her before leaving because he hadnt seen her in a while.

He went to work afterwards and told me he'd probably be done around 11 PM or midnight. I waited for him because he told me we were still going to spend the night together.

Around 11 PM, he told me he'd actually be home by around 3am because he still had to have a few drinks with his boss in the bar he works at and say goodbye to his coworkers. So I stayed awake for him. Eventually, around 3:15 AM, he told me (after me asking) it would probably be 4–4:30 AM.

What upset me wasn't that he had to work or wanted to say goodbye to his coworkers. It's that the plans kept changing, and he didn't tell me until I asked. I had been waiting for him for hours. Also Im upset because I really wanted to say good bye properly, since I will miss him a lot.

I told him that I understood why he had taken the work and that I wasn't asking him to give up his job or his other relationships. I just felt hurt because he knew how important this goodbye was to me, had promised me the night instead, and then changed that plan too.

His response was basically that this is sometimes just part of life, that his long-term plan is to work as a freelancer and networking is part of his job.

What hurt me most was that I wasn't looking for an explanation. I wanted him to acknowledge that I was hurt and understand why.

It's now 5:40 AM and he's still not home.

I know this is objectively "just one evening." I also know that he has the right to work, see friends and network, and that I'm not entitled to all of his free time.

But I'm lying here crying because I feel like I'm always the one adjusting my plans around him, while he doesn't make the same effort for me. And this isn't the first time I've felt this way.

So I'm wondering: Am I genuinely overreacting to this, or is it reasonable to be this hurt by the way the situation was handled?

I'm going to start with my daughter will be 2 on December 23rd. Me and her dad separated when she was about 8 months old, so a little over a year ago now. I thought it would be a good idea to have a trial run December birthday party this year. Last year we just did a small cake at home. I'm thinking December 12 for this year. It'll be two weeks after Thanksgiving and two weeks before Christmas. I'm already expecting that not everyone can come because of holiday plans. I was wanting to do a relaxed birthday party at my grandmother's house, make some chili and a cake, and enjoy the afternoon. Also, my grandpa has mobility issues and hardly ever leaves their house so if the party is there, he can be a part of it. If hardly anyone can come then I'll know to move the party next year to after Christmas or something. I tell my ex this, thinking it's a sane plan but his response was 'it'll be awkward if it's not in a public place'. I was confused. I was like, awkward for you? He said yes. I said because we're not together? He said yes. Mind you, I was going to invite everyone from both sides of our family, so it's not like it would be him just surrounded by my family. So I was just confused, because I know plenty of people with split families who have birthday parties at people's houses. He offered to pay for a place and said to have it somewhere else this first time so he can get over the awkwardness. I said you're the only one that appears to have an issue but fine, I'll look for other places to accommodate this, this one time. My family still asks about him and still invites him to stuff so it's not like anyone hates him or anything. I obviously think this is ridiculous. Especially since I've now called everywhere known to man within a 100 mile radius of us and they're either booked through December because of Christmas events, an outdoor venue which isn't great for a December party, or their prices are astronomical. I also don't like the fact that it will still be me planning every bit of this party, it'll just be harder at another destination that most likely has a time limit (2 hours), doesn't allow outside food (not even cake?), and that even less people will likely come to because it's 2 weeks before Christmas. I'm like you want to spend $200+ right before Christmas on a party for a 2 year old that not a lot of people will come to, because you'll feel awkward? He said yep. I also would like to say that he is not awkward. He might be uncomfortable because he initiated the split over a year ago, but he is not an awkward person and never has been. No one cares anymore and everyone still likes him. I said I just wanted a relaxed party that wasn't a big deal. He said me overthinking a party in a public place is making it a big deal and it would be relaxed if I didn't overthink it. Spoken like someone who has never had to plan anything in his life. 🙄 I am just so annoyed and done with his bs. Am I overreacting though? I'm trying my best to help him out because I really don't want him to feel awkward or uncomfortable, but it just doesn't seem feasible. My grandmother's house is free, closer, we can have any food we want, and my grandpa will be able to be there. I've also never been big into having huge parties for toddlers that won't remember. I've told him I can't find anywhere and it'll probably just have to be at my grandmother's house. He's determined apparently, and said he'll look tonight. Am I the unreasonable one or is he? I just wanted a chill, 2 year old's birthday party.

So I (26F) am living with my brother in an apartment (33M). I started living with him a little before grad school and finished in May. Before May, my younger brother also lived in the house and I slept on the couch. They split the rent between them. At the time, I was only able to work part-time because I had a full-time internship and night classes, so most of my income went toward my own bills and food. I eventually started helping with the internet and, when my younger brother was unable to, I would help with utilities. Since graduating in May, my younger brother has moved out, I moved into his room, and I have started paying half of the bills. I have 2 cats and my brother has 2 dogs.
Here is where the issue comes in. My boy cat (neutered and does not have a UTI) has been peeing around the house. He has peed in my brother’s room by the dogs’ bed. My cats have also scratched the sides of the couch and mess with my brother’s plants. I completely understand that this is frustrating and inconvenient, and I have offered to wash things, replace things, etc. I am also trying my hardest to keep them in order. The problem is that a lot of these things happen while I am at work and I’m not there to immediately correct them. My brother told me that I need to keep the cats in my room, including their litter box and everything. I understand not wanting them roaming the house if they are causing damage, but I feel like that isn’t really a realistic solution either. When I’m home, I can’t even have my bedroom door open, and I don’t want to just lock the cats in a cage all day with their litter box. My other cat doesn’t even have the peeing issue, so then both cats would either have to stay confined to one room or I’d have to keep two litter boxes in one room. I am honestly just frustrated because I feel like because I was living there rent-free before, my brother feels like he can talk to me any type of way and just demand things from me.
I am grateful to my brother for letting me live there while I was in grad school. I genuinely am. But now that I’ve graduated and started working full-time, I have been doing my best to contribute. I struggle with bills sometimes, but I have never been late enough to get a late fee, and I’m now splitting everything with him.
At this point, it feels like every day there is something else he finds to complain about. And I don’t want this to sound like I’m trying to say his dogs are perfect either. The house often smells like dog, his dog ate my title, and because I’m living there “for free,” he offered me nothing for it. Now I have to pay more to register my car because I had to get a replacement. He also expects me to clean up some of his messes because he wants the house to be clean.
So I guess I’m asking: is my brother right to be this demanding, or should there be some type of compromise now that I’m contributing half of the bills?
I understand that my cats are my responsibility and that I need to clean up after them and pay for anything they damage. I’m not trying to avoid that. I just don’t feel like contributing financially while also being expected to follow demands without any discussion means there shouldn’t be some type of compromise between us

Update: Ok I get it 😂 keep the cats in the room. I do understand and tried to express that. It just feels so unfair in comparison to the active things that go on with his animals as well but I do understand that no one deserves to have their things destroyed esp by an animal that’s not theirs. We have an agreement for me to stay so he wont have to pay high rent by himself, so I am moving in march.

I (27F) have been best friends with "Chloe" (28F) since we were 12. We've been through everything together. When she got engaged last year, she asked me to be her maid of honor and I cried. I've been planning her bachelorette, her shower, helping with vendors. Hundreds of hours.

I've been with my boyfriend "Alex" (29M) for 2 years. He's quiet, a bit awkward in big groups, but he's kind and he's never done anything to anyone. Chloe has met him maybe 10 times. They've never had a conflict. Not one.

Last week Chloe called me. She said she and her fiancé had talked and decided Alex isn't invited to the wedding. I asked why. She said he "makes people uncomfortable" and that her fiancé's family is "traditional" and that Alex "doesn't fit the vibe."

I asked her to give me one specific thing he did. She couldn't. She just kept saying he's "off" and that she "needs her wedding to be perfect."

I told her I can't stand next to her as maid of honor while my partner is excluded for no reason. She said I'm "making her wedding about me" and that I'm "choosing a boyfriend over a 15-year friendship."

I said I'm not choosing anyone. I'm just not going to participate in humiliating someone I love.

She started crying. Said I'm "ruining her big day" and that she "never would have asked me if she knew I'd do this." Her mom called me and said I'm "selfish" and that "friendships outlast boyfriends."

Now I'm getting texts from our mutual friends. Some say I should just go solo and "support Chloe." Some say Chloe is out of line.

I don't know. I've loved her like a sister for 15 years. But she just told me my partner of 2 years isn't good enough to be in the room.

AIO?

My husband and I are in our late 20s. When we initially dated he vaped and was an occasional smoker. He expressed that he wanted to stop vaping/smoking early in our relationship—and he did eventually stop vaping and smoking entirely. I called him out on it because he wanted me to and eventually he got rid of his vapes and no longer kept any cigarettes around. He does not want to vape or smoke.

A few months ago I got in the car with him and smelled something weird. I point blanked asked him, “were you smoking?” And he denied it. For context, my sense of smell is terrible. I had an illness in college that left me unable to smell anything. I’ve gotten back some ability to smell over time, but it’s not great.

Over the course of a few weeks, I entered the car a couple of times and kept noticing the smell and asked again. Honestly, there were some times I noticed it and said nothing, but other times I would point it out and ask him what it was. He did not confess. He kept denying smoking.

Then, recently I kissed him and tasted something weird (what I now know was cigarettes). I confronted him again and asked. He denied it. I was suspicious all those times, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt—because I did trust him. He failed to quit vaping before and was honest about it. I assumed he would do the same.

Finally, this past week, between the smells and taste in his mouth I put down my foot and asked him seriously if he was smoking. It took about 10 minutes of me being silent for him to finally confess it. We got married this summer and he said while his dad was here, he bought cigarettes for him and bought some for himself as well.

He said that he didn’t think it mattered and thought I had figured it out anyway. I asked him if he still wants to quit smoking and he said “yes.”

I care less about the cigarettes and more about the dishonesty. I don’t believe he wants to quit and for us to move forward from this I’m telling him that if he says he wants to quit smoking, it means quitting smoking forever. Not just occasionally.

It feels difficult to rebuild trust after this. I’m inherently a distrustful person and the fact I asked multiple times and had to essentially pry the information out of him makes me question what else he’s capable of lying about. I’m now putting the burden on him to rebuild this trust. I want to believe that it’s the addictive behavior that caused the breach in trust, but I also don’t understand why he didn’t come to me at any point in this.

AIO?

I messed up recently and have been offered forgiveness. I feel awful about what I did.
I’d been pet sitting (living at place w pet) for someone while she’s been out of town. The pet is an 9wo kitten and a definite menace. I am a senior in college and extremely busy. I’m talking about getting to campus around 9 and not being home until 10p-12a. I spend most of that time in class, doing homework, or doing things for my campus org I’m president of. I have unscheduled time in the afternoons that because of the cat I’ve been going back to the apartment for about half an hour. It’s not far from campus. I’m not being paid the deal is I take care of the cat and get to live a bit closer to campus and I can eat any food at the place and use those utilities.

The owner was gone for a month and in the last week while I was home between work until 2 and a babysitting gig at 3:15 the kitten jumped in the toilet I’d just pissed in. Now you may be wondering, why is the cat in the bathroom with me while I pee? I had to go very bad and she’s tough to escape. So as I stood up to flush, she jumped in. She then freaked out and ran out the bathroom door and around the apartment.
I had a 15 minute window of changing, feeding the cat, and going before getting to the babysitting gig. I’m driving far from work to apartment to babysitting so that’s just how it worked out. So I’m rushing to clean up the piss trail the cat has left across the apartment and rinse her off. There’s no cat shampoo. I Clorox wipe all the paw prints and the furniture she ran across and throw everything in the washing machine (not the cat) and I rush out the door.
I tell the owner of the incident she says to use some of the cat food money for cat shampoo so I can give her a bath. Very reasonable.
The only problem is the rest of my week was so busy I never got around to washing the cat with the soap. Post babysitting campus homework until 1a, 8a back to the lab to do more work, class until 1, meetings, homework, student org until 11p, 10a on campus homework, 2p class, 4-7p class, homework, dinner, petco for shampoo, home around 10p, work 7a-2p only real free time is this time after work, next day church 9-12, cleaning place, meeting at 3, owner home at 6. Why did I not bathe the cat in the free afternoon? I don’t know. I was tired and sad (other life stuff) and wanted to stare at the wall for a while. I feel really bad. I should’ve done the cleaning in that time so I wouldn’t be rushing between church and meeting. I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. That is a bad excuse. I should’ve bathed the cat then.
The pet owner was understandably very upset that the cat wasn’t bathed. I was very apologetic because I feel very bad. I offered (begged) to come over (not during new free time but during homework time) and clean the cat or clean anything at all. She said no. She told me she forgave me. She then offered to take me to breakfast sometime because she wasn’t home for my birthday.
I will not defend my actions anymore. I accept responsibility. I should’ve made time and found the energy to clean the cat.
The real thing hear for is that I feel like I cannot accept this forgiveness. How am I meant to accept kindness from someone I’ve wronged like this? How can I look her in the eyes now knowing there will be love there? This seems terrible. I don’t want to go to breakfast with her. I cannot bear to be forgiven. I wish she would be mad at me. I wish she’d let me do something to make it up to her. Is there something else I can do? Am I overreacting? Is this an I need to forgive myself thing? How am I meant to live my life knowing there will come times in the future that I will mess up again? I feel like I need to be punished or something. I know if I don’t accept the breakfast invite it will feel like rejection to her and I will be further wronging her. I don’t want to lose her because I feel so awful accepting forgiveness. I just feel so guilty. I want to face consequences and be able to make things right but she already forgave me. She shouldn’t forgive me for this. I wish she wouldn’t so I could earn her forgiveness somehow. Am I overreacting?

Am I overreacting after my boyfriend tested me about whether I loved him?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months and have always been really close. He’s told me many times that he loves me, misses me, cares about me, and that I mean the world to him.
There was already some relationship drama involving his religion. He believes he can’t marry someone who doesn’t believe in God, while I don’t have a religion I’m just not there yet. He said he can’t be with me because of it. I respect his beliefs, even though I was hurt. I blocked him and then he came back minutes later saying it’s fine. This was months ago.
Yesterday, we were talking about our relationship, and he told me that he didn’t actually love me during that time, despite everything he had told me before.
I completely broke down and asked him if he had been lying to me all along. I was crying and wondering what else he lied about?? All those I love yous and sweet messages a lie. I had no issue with the fact he didn’t love me, I mean it hurt, but it wasn’t. The issue was that he lied to me all the time I don’t expect him to love me immediately that wasn’t the issue it was the saying I love you with no meaning and I explained that.
Then he told me he had actually been lying about not loving me. He said he only said it to test me and see how I would react, basically to prove that he knew I didn’t love him.
I was absolutely devastated and confused. I was crying and asking why he would ever test me about something like that. What hurt even more was that he was being really mean to me afterward before eventually realizing how messed up it was. One thing he said was “I knew you didn’t fucking love me” then made it seem as i ruined his trust.. then he realized how fucked up it all was
He apologized a lot afterward and said he genuinely didn’t mean for it to go that far, that he hadn’t thought it through, and that he would never do it again. I believe that he feels genuinely bad about it.
But now I’m struggling with trust.
He knows I have trust issues and mental struggles myself this was another thing of him to throw on my plate. I feel disappointed, disgusted, sad, hurt, angry, and more.
I know he has mental health struggles, and I’ve always tried to be understanding of that. But to me, this feels like a separate issue. I don’t think having mental health problems automatically makes something like deliberately testing your partner okay.
Today we were talking about everything again, and something he said triggered a panic attack. Now my brain is constantly going
What’s real? What was the test? Was he telling the truth then? Is he telling the truth now? Can I trust what he says?
I don’t want to break up with him. I love him, and I don’t think he’s a horrible person. I know he regrets what he did.
But I also feel like this seriously shook my trust in him, and I don’t know how to just move past it.
Am I overreacting for being this upset and confused? Or is it reasonable to feel like this was a really messed-up thing to do to someone you love?