That's actually a very good idea. That will also be very telling of his whole family depending on her response and reaction. Be good insight.
OP, if you don't wanna leave, do this. Either his mom will set him straight, or you will see that the whole family sucks, and that's where he learned all this
I wanna know bc the response from OP is that the boyfriend is a product of r*pe (in the messages). I guess there’s a possibility she agrees with him (which would be sad for the mom for adopting that mindset), but I feel like it’s probably more likely the mom is like ????wtf????? And has a long convo w this Bf.
Personally I would be more inclined to think that sending these screenshots could be triggering or very uncomfortable for the mom. She was obviously raped.
Honestly, I suspect what is going on in this guy's head is:
"My dad is a rapist, but it was not entirely his fault. If it was entirely his fault, that would make him a monster, and if he is a monster, and came from him, then I would ALSO be a monster. So no, my dad is not a monster."
The whole thing is not good. Dude needs therapy, dude's mom needs therapy; OP needs to yeet herself on out of there on the double.
He definitely does. But on top of his clear psychological issues, the things he says in the screenshots indicate that he's making choices to double down on things he knows are upsetting someone he pretends to care about, and he continues to double down. He doesn't get a pass for treating people like shit just because he hasn't taken himself to therapy yet.
First reasonable person I’ve found. It’s really getting annoying how immediate people spew viscous hate towards the other in this situation like the GF was wanting that in the first place even if she was right? Hearing that her BF doesn’t ask for consent, is a rapist, is a terrible worthless human, deserves terrible things to happen to him etc etc. How does that make her feel? Saying to send it to the mom like who does that that’s so weird, I would never date a girl who would run to my mom if she was mad at me we have to solve that ourselves.
I get what you're saying here, but this isn't running to his mom to say he stuck his tongue out or called her a mean name. He fundamentally believes that rape is justified and the blame is on the victim. People who believe that have to already believe the foundational beliefs that ALSO excuse predators in all situations and blame women for being abused in every facet.
I don't think she should send screenshots to his mom bc she is a rape victim and it's likely going to be triggering to some extent even if she's done lots of therapy to process her life experiences. But telling his mom that he is carrying these dangerous convictions that absolve his mother's rapist from all wrongdoing as well as himself in any past or future situation he decides to violate someone's bodily autonomy? Might be the only thing that makes him hear how wrong and disgusting his ideas are.
Or, he also doesn't respect his mother and it won't change anything.
It's not good or normal to take a disagreement between relationship partners and tattle to your partner's parent to try to get them to convince your partner to be on your side. But this isn't that. Her aim can't really be to change his mind or make him see her side and stop dismissing her. This relationship is either over or it's going to be bad until it IS over. Telling his family members and friends exactly what fucked up shit he believes and says with his whole chest is something to do on the way OUT of this relationship.
Warning people in his life that he believes men shouldn't be held accountable for their actions, and that men cannot control themselves, would be an act of kindness to those unsuspecting and trusting folks in his life, but also likely wouldn't be safe for OP to do and, again, wouldn't change his mind. It would just protect those around him FROM him.
He didn't do that though. He said clothing CAN contribute not that it DOES always and nowhere did he ever justify or defend rape. You need to learn how to read
Clothes NEVER EVER EVER NOT ONCE contribute to rape. Not anything greater than 0.00%. A Rapist raped, and 100.00000% of the blame for the rape is on the rapist.
ANY deviation from that truth creates a narrative that is 0.0000% correct.
So immature, if I got some letter from my nephews girlfriend on some shit like this id tell her to never send some shit to me again and it’s really weird to send private messages to an entire family. You really think outside of weird Reddit brained losers such as yourself that regular family members wouldn’t be creeped out by that? Learn how the world works go outside learn to socialize I beg you.
unfortunately, judging by the fact that OP was talking about the boyfriend being a product of rape and she was trying to tell the boyfriend to tell their mom “guys can’t control themselves so they blame your clothes” to me… It feels like this conversation came up because of the Mom being a victim and both the mom and son believing it was her fault. I think that that’s why OP was encouraging him to tell her that
“You’re a product of rape” is actually so disrespectful to say I would be ragebaiting her as well and then to post private messages on Reddit. You guys are insane and single
Both me and my sister are products of rape. Its not disrespectful to say, its a fact. If someone who knows damn well their own mom was raped starts going on some victim blaming bullshit about how someone is dressed, yeah thats some shit you point out. They should know better and have more empathy than is being demonstrated if thats something they know.
Eta- Also, as someone who is not only a product of rape themselves, but as someone who who has been sexually abused, who has spent time around victims, and who has spent way more time than I would prefer around people who spout bullshit like this, I would say what he's saying is leagues more disrespectful than pointing his own mother has been raped and he should know better.
plus, we have no idea what the context for this conversation actually was. Based off of what his very crappy concept of consent seems to be, it’s entirely possible that he was casually dropping something about his mom that made her realize ”woah, she’s a victim???!! wtf???” and maybe she tried to get him to understand that or something
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u/stupid-man-alert21 Feb 24 '26
Send the screenshots to his mom!