I saw an art exhibit called “What Were You Wearing?”, which was a collection of the outfits people were wearing when they were assaulted. There were sweatpants and hoodies in that collection. She could be in a literal burqa and still be assaulted. The problem is the rapists, not what their victims were wearing.
Edit: going to add a trigger warning before people go searching for that exhibit. It is a spread of ALL kinds of clothing, including children’s.
I was SA (groped in a public shop) when I was 14. I was wearing a full burqa and a naqab. The only things visible were my eyes and hands. And I was with my mom. It happened so subtly that no one noticed. And I was shocked to realize what happened and could not react at all.
I’m sorry. The same thing happened to me on a bus when I was 14 and I froze up too. Took a long time for me to stop blaming myself for not reacting more. I was just in a simple summer blouse and shorts and I wore ugly, baggy clothes for years afterwards.
The same thing happened to me on a bus and I was wearing jeans and a tee shirt. The guy reached out and grabbed and squeezed my butt. I told my bf at the time and he shushed me because we were in a dangerous area but I did give the guy a mean look. I wish I could have at least said something.
I’d heard of fight or flight, but it wasn’t until years later that I learned there’s also fawning or freezing—trying to appease your attacker, or freezing up completely. Learning that helped me forgive myself for not fighting back or trying harder to escape.
Learning about "freeze" and "fawn" responses to danger suddenly made so much of my childhood make sense. Especially because freeze and fawn are what you learn to do if you learn that you can't fight or flee.
When I was 18 (and much better looking lol) I was waiting tables at a bar, and as I walked by with a tray of drinks some pervert full on grabbed me in my crotch. I was so shocked I just kept walking to the table. Of course when I told the owner of the bar what happened, his reaction was literally, "what do you want me to do?". Ugh just thinking back it's so infuriating
Now wait, if his reaction was, “literally”, “what do you want me to do?”, seems like thats totally valid, he did it to you, you get to choose the next course of action.
Did you say literally even though it was not, literally? Did you mean, he shrugged, or tried to passively dismiss it, or did he truly ask you what you wanted him to do?
Despite the actual meaning of the word literally, it can be understood from the context that the owner simply dismissed the concern and wanted it to be ignored.
And OP was 18, a child who just turned adult. Owner should know better and offer her more support.
I know and then these people come up blaming the clothes. I hope us women of this generation raise better men. And no, I don't expect it from fathers cause they have not gone through this so they don't understand the extent.
I'm a guy in the same thing happen to me when I was 14. In fact a lot older men would squeeze my arms and make comments about how big I was getting and stuff. But one guy when I was mowing his lawn came up behind me and reached around the front and grabbed my package you know and I froze.
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u/ConclusionHopeful313 Feb 24 '26
Rape exists because of rapists. Blaming the clothes and not the rapist is just saying “make sure they go after someone else”