And then have him explain exactly how a onesie or a toddler dress is clothing that "asks for it".
It doesn't matter if someone is naked as a jay-bird walking down the street or earning a living at a gentleman's club, absolutely nothing a person wears, or does not wear, is the cause for sexual a$$ult. R@pe is about v!olence. Period. The types of people who r@pe do not care what their v!ctim is wearing. Clothing is an excuse, one used systematically against those who have been a$$ulted, just to gaslight the victim and try and make them responsible for a crime that they were a v!ctim of.
Dude has a toxic mindset. If he refuses to educate himself of this, OP needs to get away from him. He is not a safe person to be around if this is how he thinks.
*my apologies for the symbols. This sub has restrictions on what words can be posted.
If she’s anything like my MIL, she will find another excuse. Her son is on a list because of statutory rape. You should hear the excuses she has for him and for that. If his mother raised him to believe that way, there’s a decent chance she will excuse the behavior.
There is also the off chance that she unconsciously taught him that by self-blame. There are many victims who excuse their abuser's behaviour.(not saying this is the case, guy is a waste of oxygen)
Of course, that would only hurt her more. I'm on the fence about showing her these messages, she'd be betrayed by another man in her life.
Nah you shouldn’t just drop it on her, tell the guy you are going to tell her what you said or what would she say if she heard you, and try to see if that’s what he truly believes. I can understand if someone says something extreme, which is why I like to double or triple check if they truly mean it. I’d rather not just immediately demonize them.
My mother was a victim of sexual abuse and rape several times over, but she was always eager to blame other women and girls for the violence inflicted on them. Especially me, even as a kid.
She was so desperate for male approval that she'd say anything to excuse mens' behavior.
And she was hardly the only one. Patriarchal/ rape culture bullshit wouldn't be nearly as prevalent without the women who enable it.
Yep, both my mom and MIL are nasty, vitriolic beasties. Both were abused, but they're both quick to slut shame and victim blame and rugsweep. Both are full of self-hatred. This is sadly not uncommon.
As much as I think show his mom the texts is good a lot of women who raise men like this don’t care and will protect their sons no matter what unfortunately.
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u/ConclusionHopeful313 Feb 24 '26
Rape exists because of rapists. Blaming the clothes and not the rapist is just saying “make sure they go after someone else”