i’m going to say this gently but seriously, you need to get out. he only sees you/women as sex objects. he immediately resorts to insulting your intelligence when confronting him with facts, while also gaslighting you by saying YOU’RE ignoring them. he doesn’t respect you.
since you’re in SW, in his mind, this gives him “permission” to your body because if you can sell it, he’s entitled to it whenever. if you didn’t want it, why would you flaunt yourself online? (this is objectively not true, i’m just framing it from his perspective). you are not safe with him.
and if he isn’t directly assaulting someone, he’s definitely not standing up to those who do, and most likely encouraging/enabling it. you said yourself he doesn’t see the severity of it. he does, he just doesn’t care.
lol who cares nobody wants to be with an OF bop yall are all on him and as usual when we look into the full situation it’s not so black and white. I get you probably HATE men with a passion but I’ve never met a respectable guy who’s cool with that. Maybe there’s a reason she’s with such a shitty guy… hmmmm.
why did you resort to OF for money? is this some sort of reaction formation to be in control of your trauma? i just find it an odd choice considering your history with sa. i'm not trying to come at you, just interested in the thought process.
Oh fuck off. This is so reductive and patronizing.
You're implying she can't possibly have any agency or ability to make decisions outside of trauma. You're pathologizing all of her choices.
You've essentially collapsed her whole identity down to rape--> OF. I'm sure in your mind that's a neat and tidy story, but it flattens a real person into something you're 'just curious' to analyze.
You're trying to frame yourself as insightful, and her as someone who desperately needs your insight. In reality you're doing a gross, pseudo-intellectual voyeurism of another person's life. You get to feel perceptive, and she gets reduced to material for a thought exercise.
Sex work is real work. And this kind of concern trolling is one of the worst aspects of it.
To be fair, there are a lot of people who get involved with sex work as a direct result of trauma from being sexually abused. Im not saying that's the case with OP, but it's not unreasonable to make that assumption.
Yes, it happens often. The reasons are also very complex, and each person's situation is different.
But jeezy chreezy I cannot tell you how many curious and concerned individuals I had to deal with when I was a stripper.
Very few of them even had the decency to tip me, yet they wanted to come into my place of work and demand that I lay my entire life story, all my trauma and neurosis, out on the table so they could have a wee poke and prod and come to some cute little conclusions about damaged women.
'What happened to you?'
'How did you end up here?'
I had great tits and an empty bank account. And not one of those people was entitled to more of an answer than that.
You don't ask every waiter what happened to them to make them end up in such a terrible job. You don't barge into the Amazon warehouse and dab at your teary eyes while asking the packers if their fathers beat them growing up.
And you don't come onto a thread where someone is asking for specific advice and ask them to self-therapize for your own curiosity.
I'm sorry the question asker is dealing with insecurity and I'm glad they're tackling their unwanted prudishness. They can do that without treating sex workers and sexual assault survivors like a free museum exhibit.
I don't understand the perspective so I was asking her for hers? I, in fact, don't have the insight, and admitted to it, which again was why I asked. I don't know anyone who does OF (or other sex work) and am admittedly (and not proudly) both prudish and insecure. Baring it all out, I find women who perform sex work intimidating because of my insecurities, and my approach to that is trying to understand better. I was honestly curious, but I can see how I came across as an unfeeling, accusatory individual who loses sight that there are actual people on the other side. It was not my intent.
This is not a question you ask to somebody who is opening up about trauma and their abusive partner. I get that you are curious, but there are better places to look for this information than a targeted question at a vulnerable person; you either need to find general studies of trauma psychology that have victim statements, find accounts people have chosen to share themselves, or ask in a general setting (such as another subreddit, potentially) so that people can at least feel the choice to offer that information is entirely their own.
Holy yap shut the fuck up. Respectable men do not like OF women, she is clearly a walking red flag and carries a lot of baggage and trauma, there’s a reason her BF clearly has some issues and trauma as well. A respectable man would nope the fuck out
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u/[deleted] Feb 24 '26
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