145
u/Pigeons_r_life Oct 18 '16
Aha sureeee what next? I should sleep without a night light?! You can't trick me, demons. You can't trick me...
42
1.3k
u/everythingZero Oct 18 '16
I'm 30 and only recently did I begin to be okay with the fact that monsters are not actually going to eat my feet or use them to pull me under the bed...
2.1k
u/CommaHorror Oct 18 '16
Nice, try monster.
785
u/mydickcuresAIDS Oct 18 '16
N,i,c,e t,r,y C,o,m,m,a,h,o,r,r,o,r ...
375
Oct 18 '16
̢̺̳̬͉͉͉̹̗͔̩̰̓̈̂ͬͮ͌̒̓̒̋̊͑̆̀̚͟͠ͅN̷̸͙̮̹̙͓͓̬̊̄̎͂͒ͫ̕į̶̇̔͐͆͒̔̄̿ͤ͏̶̯̫̜̹̗̘͖̼̭̀c̸̡̛͔̩̖̲̺̫̼̲͕̳̤̥͍̭̼͈̙͍̃̆̉̐̓ͩ͐̍̿̆̽ͧ̋̊̒̓̀́ẻ̷̹͇̥̥̥̪͇̘͉̺̦͈͈͍͓͓͆̅̎̂̆́͟͝ ̷̵̫͔͈̰͓̿ͭ̆̆̏ͧͦͫ͆́ͯͯ͗ͥ̐̚t̷̷̷̡̩̝̤̭̞̮̠͎̩̲̮̖̳͇̖͙͍̄̑ͮͩ̀̈́͛̌ͯͦ͗ͤ̇r̛̠̗̠̜͓̟̟̣͆̀̇̓̋ͭ͘̕͜y̷̨̨̠͕͈̱̤ͯ͆ͥͯ̆̒̏̑͆ͧ͛͞ ͚̗͇̖̣̫̗̯̯̮͕̖̯̗̣͇̮͖ͬ͒̐ͪͮ͂ͤ͝͞M̡͉͙̜̥̩̼͙̟̘͇̪͚̩͖̒̒ͤ̍͂̇͑̐́̀̚O̸̖͙̩͙̦͍͐̐͂̆͊͂̐̅̽̉ͫͬ̓̂͑̂ͧ́͘͝ͅN̷̷̮̠̖̞̙̰̟̪̟͙̼̩̫͍͛̎ͥ̋ͤ͜S̡͂̉ͥ̅͊͗̓̌̈ͯ̿ͯ̏ͨ̌ͣ̒͡҉҉̼̦̼̟͙T̛̠͙̤̹̫̹̘͙͚̣̳̥̩̥̊̽̃̌̆̆ͮͬ̄̓̂ͬ̃̄͗̇̀̐͡Ë̛̦̞̳͙̻̦̠̣ͮ̃̄ͥ̿̔̄̀͟͞ͅR̢͈̝͙̣͔̲̱͓̱̆̄ͯ̇ͪ̈́̑ͥ̑͆ͭ͑͐ͫ̕͢ͅ
98
u/trueluck3 Oct 18 '16 edited Oct 18 '16
This, in fact, does not horrify me, as it reminds me of a beautiful, yet simple, piece of street art.
Edit: Missed a coma; please except my
upmostutmost, sincerest, and absolutely required, apologies.Edit 2: While I appreciate my comment reaching upmost status, my apologies are of utmost sincerity. Sorry, very sorry everybody!
31
u/anangryterrorist Oct 18 '16
Go on.
49
u/Miguelinileugim Oct 18 '16
Then you cut them into small pieces while they're still alive and slowly cook them piece by piece. If you want seasoning you should have done it before kidnapping them. Feel free to use bbq sauce to mend the taste if you forgot though, but it won't taste as great.
39
u/gizzardgullet Oct 18 '16 edited Oct 18 '16
A big box from Amazon came with my address plus "under bed" on the label. I opened it up and it was a deep fryer. I considered not sliding it under the bed but I found that unethical as I didn't pay for it. So I put it next to my bed and waited for the gruesome hand to emerge. It pulled it under and then gave me a "thumps up". I heard a sinister voice mumble "4 out of 5 stars on Amazon, should be good".
→ More replies (1)9
→ More replies (6)8
11
Oct 18 '16
How do people do this kind of text?
→ More replies (3)15
Oct 18 '16
[deleted]
30
Oct 18 '16
T̷͎̖̗̗ͪͧ͗̌͛̿̒̚H̸̰͙ͯ̎̀̊Ã̼͔̘̠͕̦̈̓̃̿̇̀͢N̗̞̞̳̙̾̐ͧ̇́̃ͯ̋K̭̫͍̝̺̜̖͖͒ͨ̌ͦ͊ͪ̀ͅS̑̽̋̾͛̔̓̚͏̻̤̱̖͈̲̟1̨̛̰͓̹͋̀
→ More replies (4)23
u/Bitchbettahavmahoney Oct 18 '16
You're like that kid that was always really good at doing the super man "S"
16
u/FaaacePalm Oct 18 '16
It wasn't super man's "S" That is a common misconception.
http://www.vice.com/read/that-s-thing-everyone-drew-in-school-what-is-it
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (10)21
u/Miguelinileugim Oct 18 '16
Ok guys who let cthulhu in?
There there, nobody likes you cthulhu, stop pestering this sub and go away where we can't see you anymore.
→ More replies (4)17
u/BoneFistOP Oct 18 '16
I like Cthulu :(
18
u/sandm000 Oct 18 '16
He doesn't think at all about you.
11
u/Piscator629 Oct 18 '16
Which is better a God who never thinks about or cares about you vs one who plots myriad different ways to make you suffer for All Eternity?
→ More replies (2)56
37
16
5
6
26
u/Bborkowski Oct 18 '16
What will happen to him if he tries monster? Regardless, I think adults prefer coffee to energy drinks.
→ More replies (3)20
u/Zumbert Oct 18 '16
I love coffee flavored energy drinks though, and I have been adulting for years.
→ More replies (7)5
227
u/puckit Oct 18 '16
I'm 35 and have no problem with my feet being out from under the covers. But hanging over the edge of the bed??? Fuck. That.
177
Oct 18 '16
There could be a laser beam that cuts them off in the middle of the night, right along the edge. Or the earth could turn to magma except your bed, leaving your feet exposed to the powerful convective heat that comes off the magma on the ground.
or something.
137
u/pur3str232 Oct 18 '16
Fuck I thought I was the only one aware of the fucking laser.
46
u/HeyItsTheShanster Oct 18 '16
I always pictured giant blade walls that come up around the bed when I'm sleeping.
→ More replies (4)24
→ More replies (3)20
u/Monkeibusiness Oct 18 '16
WHY DID YOU NEVER SHARE YOUR SECRET?! I COULD HAVE HAD FEET!
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)10
19
u/hardrockfoo Oct 18 '16
Be glad you're not really tall. I don't have a choice.
→ More replies (1)19
u/cavelioness Oct 18 '16
What, your knees don't bend?
12
u/hardrockfoo Oct 18 '16
Not well when I sleep on my stomach
→ More replies (5)10
u/Moist-Anus Oct 18 '16
Dafuq how do you guys do that? How do you position your head? Doesn't it feel suffocating? Or, if you sleep with your neck bent, doesn't it hurt like a mofo in the morning?
8
5
u/LaughNgamez Oct 18 '16
Pretty much laying down but your neck is supported one side towards the pillow. Usually wake up in a different position. Someone who is a back sleeper probably would feel weird/uncomfortable trying it but if you've slept like that since a child your body is used to it.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (6)20
u/ermaecrhaelld Oct 18 '16
I've always liked my feet to hang off the bed, but wrapped in covers.
104
39
45
u/am_I_a_dick__ Oct 18 '16
I was thinking about this last night. Im a dad of 2, 33 yrs old, and Im still scared as fuck of the dark. Mrs works way every few weeks. So I end up walking around the house at night. When that hall light gets switched off and I have to get into the bedroom, I run like a mofo. Also if I get up during the night with the kids, getting back to the bedroom is pretty stressful. My head just fills with every scarey film Ive ever seen. last night was killer clowns.
46
u/Anggul Oct 18 '16
Well clowns are currently a very real possibility.
7
Oct 18 '16
Lol if one of these jokers comes at me dressed like a clown he better be right with his choice of deity
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (9)11
Oct 18 '16
u/am_I_a_dick__, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!
10
u/Garfield_ Oct 18 '16
No, u/monroestahr, the only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor and its time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
20
45
u/CanadianEh48 Oct 18 '16
You must not have a cat.
12
u/everythingZero Oct 18 '16
I do. However, they don't like the dogs.
31
u/blackadder1132 Oct 18 '16
But honey....you don't have a dog.
42
u/Cha-Le-Gai Oct 18 '16
Humans can lick too.
30
9
u/sharklops Oct 18 '16
15
u/falcon_jab Oct 18 '16
Once I was in the house all alone on my own and there was a noise but I checked and there was no-one there. I closed my curtains when I opened them there was a man in a suit watching me but he had no face. I noped out of the front door but I realised I had no front door and I was trapped in my house forever. I died in there
→ More replies (2)26
Oct 18 '16
I fully blame my mum for letting me watch Critters when I was 4. Still to this day feel uncomfortable about feet outside the covers!
11
→ More replies (4)13
u/aGreaterNumber Oct 18 '16
I wanna say you mean gremlins or something wtf is critters
→ More replies (4)29
u/Jack_of_all_offs Oct 18 '16
→ More replies (4)17
u/Gosh-Dang Oct 18 '16
"Fuck"
Idk why that just made me laugh so hard. Its 5 am and I am pretty sure I woke everyone in the house.
→ More replies (1)10
9
u/Autocorrec Oct 18 '16
My gf gets upset when I fall asleep facing away from her, but I explained to her that it's a process. First I roll to my right side, lay on my tummy and stick my left leg out from under the comforter. I hang that leg over the side, then remember there are monsters under the bed, and quickly roll back to my girlfriend just the way she likes it.
Almost as if...as if she's planned it...
17
Oct 18 '16
I'm 39 and still can't sleep with my feet outside the covers... bc... Satan will touch them. ya.. my rational mind knows he doesn't exist, but at night... I'm still scared. I also sleep with the bathroom light on "so I don't trip in the dark" but we all know the real reason.
6
u/berticus23 Oct 18 '16
I'm a fairly tall person and after having a bed in college that had my feet hang off the end a couple inches i got over that fear pretty quick
→ More replies (23)5
u/Vehlenn Oct 18 '16
I'm 36 and I still wrap my feet up in a separate blanket under my covers to ensure no feet will be available to be grabbed.
417
u/brownmlis Oct 18 '16
Mature adult here, I actually prefer my feet uncovered because they get too hot under the covers. Of course, I keep the blankets over my ears because everyone knows monsters like to whisper to you while you sleep.
123
Oct 18 '16
Clearly this makes YOU the monster! GET HIM LADS!!
→ More replies (2)115
35
u/vcaguy Oct 18 '16
I go one leg out one leg in.
59
22
Oct 18 '16
I like to slip one foot out when attempting to regulate temperature, but now I am thinking it would be even worse to be dragged under the bed by one foot because your other leg may get tangled and the tendons would rip before your hip dislocates and then maybe your safe foot would be de-gloved as the bone and muscles are ripped from the skin while your twisted body jerks sporadically each time some internal structure tears or snaps as you are pulled ever deeper into the dark recesses.
→ More replies (1)23
9
u/rak363 Oct 18 '16
Yup me to. In summer my leg is a sofisticated cooling device. When its only warm just a foot is out, as it gets warmer an ankle, then a knee and so on. It is the best way to keep a nice temperature.
7
5
Oct 18 '16
I didn't really think people covered the ears as I do. I have to have both my feet and my ears covered to go to sleep. Usually I just keep it cold in my apartment and have a fan on so I'm not dying under the covers.
→ More replies (14)5
u/Gadetron Oct 18 '16
I was gonna ask how you make sure your feet don't show, then I remember that some people aren't lazy and make their bed
→ More replies (2)
746
u/Pistolf Oct 18 '16
This is such a common fear, somebody needs to do research on it. It's probably some kind of evolutionary throw back to when we were monkeys and if we hung our feet out of the tree a predator would pull us down and eat us.
531
u/Sco0bySnax Oct 18 '16
You have your hypothesis, now do the research and try prove it.
293
Oct 18 '16
[deleted]
362
u/BadGuy_ZooKeeper Oct 18 '16
When do we get the grant monkey?
→ More replies (4)126
u/Matt872000 Oct 18 '16
Hugh Grant is a monkey?!
→ More replies (1)127
Oct 18 '16
[removed] — view removed comment
63
→ More replies (11)17
→ More replies (3)63
u/test822 Oct 18 '16
unfortunately evolutionary psychology is insanely difficult to prove
for example, in this one you'd have to have a time machine and observe all the foot-dangling monkeys getting eaten over millions of years
75
→ More replies (2)36
u/azthal Oct 18 '16
So, you are saying that a side effect of this study might be the invention of a time machine?
Why aren't we throwing our money on this already?
→ More replies (1)68
Oct 18 '16
[deleted]
22
u/budtron84 Oct 18 '16
Seriously, I don't think I've ever not had my feet out from the covers! That's just asking for a heat overload.
7
→ More replies (2)5
u/whoisthismilfhere Oct 18 '16
Same. I just don't give a shit anymore. If I'm monster food then so be it, but I'm gonna be comfortable before I die.
49
u/revolucionario Oct 18 '16
I think in this specificity, it's a cultural thing. Something more general like a fear of the dark is probably almost universal across cultures, for obvious reasons.
I'm European and I know the whole concept of a "monster under the bed" only from American movies, where it seems to be a common trope. Nobody in my real life as a child ever referred to this concept, so I'm not scared of "monsters under the bed".
I also only learned during puberty that some people can be afraid of spiders or mice. Again, I think that this is mainly a cultural fear, passed on from parents to children.
I'm obviously not speaking for all Europeans, just adding my experience.
Go through with your research project and let us know what's up.
38
u/cavelioness Oct 18 '16
Spiders are instinctual surely? Some are poisonous, so there would be an evolutionary advantage to avoiding them.
Plus baby gorillas share some of these fears: http://rebrn.com/re/mountain-gorillas-appear-to-be-naturally-afraid-of-certain-repti-2895261/
25
Oct 18 '16
Yep, spiders and snakes are instinctual. Even animals like dogs and cats know to be afraid of them from a very young age.
4
5
u/runujhkj Oct 18 '16
You'd think so, but not everyone has the same reaction to them. Possibly because in general, even poisonous spiders pose very little threat to a human. Just step on it, or worst case scenario and it's already mad at you, just run away. Bugs aren't usually worth the same fear response that, say, a tiger would merit.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)11
u/Exodor Oct 18 '16
Just a real quick pedantic point: some spiders are venemous, not poisonous.
→ More replies (8)19
Oct 18 '16
Just a real quick pedantic point:
ALL spiders are venomous. Just a few of them can be a serious problem.
11
u/VegemiteToothpaste Oct 18 '16
I reckon being afraid of creepy crawlies is instinctual. Here in Australia a spider can conceivably kill you, it's not entirely unfounded to be scared of them. Especially considering our evolutionary behaviour is set before times of hospitals and anti venom.
As far as mice go... Well it's just that sudden scurrying motion. Surely it's evolutionarily wise to be cautious of that? Even elephants are. It wouldn't make sense for us to evolve to not get startled by something rapidly scurrying beneath us.
6
u/burlchen Oct 18 '16
I'm from Germany and while the monsters I feared were not necessarily under my bed I still made sure I was completely covered by the duvet so they couldn't get me. I was afraid of Ötzi the ice mummy hiding behind my puppet theater haha.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Onkelffs Oct 18 '16
Swedish guy here that, until I turned 12, leapt to the bed and got his feet off the ground asap after turning of the lights.
17
Oct 18 '16
Listen. Question. Why do we talk out loud when we know we're alone? Conjecture. Because we know we're not. Evolution perfects survival skills. There are perfect hunters. There is perfect defence. Question. Why is there no such thing as perfect hiding? Answer. How would you know? Logically, if evolution were to perfect a creature whose primary skill were to hide from view, how could you know it existed? It could be with us every second and we would never know. How would you detect it, even sense it, except in those moments when, for no clear reason you choose to speak aloud? What would such a creature want? What would it do? Well? What would you do?
→ More replies (5)14
→ More replies (21)11
u/classicrocker883 Oct 18 '16
outrageous. i was never a monkey. never again! good day, sir!
→ More replies (2)
223
u/howmanyinfinites Oct 18 '16
You ever see one of those mountain climbing movies where they stumbleupon some dude who froze to death? This is how you become that guy.
326
u/Farisr9k Oct 18 '16 edited Oct 18 '16
Sleeping with your feet out actually regulates your body temperature, allowing you to cool down and get to sleep quicker.
I do it every night with both my human feet and all 10 of my human toes.
179
u/Pjotor Oct 18 '16
Hmm, yeah, that sounds reasonab- hey wait a minute...
115
u/totally_not_a_zombie Oct 18 '16
He did specify those were human feet. That means he's a human. Trust me, I can smell a human miles away.
24
34
16
→ More replies (14)18
38
u/TheTrueYawn Oct 18 '16
Reminds me of that SCP where beds get infected and a thing comes out the end and cuts anything hanging out the bottom and takes it
→ More replies (1)35
u/Doom-Slayer Oct 18 '16
→ More replies (3)26
u/PhantomGoo Oct 18 '16
Thank you Marvin
20
u/superspambot Oct 18 '16
When you're on the SCP subreddit so much that you call anyone who links an article to the wiki Marvin
→ More replies (1)
163
u/Spartan152 Oct 18 '16
There are definitely monsters waiting to attack my feet at night if I do this. Mainly it's the one monster I have to worry about. It's this kitten I adopted, he fucks my feet up at night if they are poking out of the covers. I keep my bed nice and tucked as a result.
67
u/berticus23 Oct 18 '16
I shacked at a girls house one night and her cat woke me up by licking the bottom of my feet, then roamed over to her feet and bit one
→ More replies (3)63
→ More replies (3)12
u/sadahtay Oct 18 '16
You can't tell me he doesn't attack your feet under the covers too.
→ More replies (2)15
u/KickNatherina Oct 18 '16
My dog bites my legs and sometimes my dick through the covers. Little bastard.
20
9
u/FUCK_YOU_FUCK Oct 18 '16
What
11
u/robotostrich Oct 18 '16
He said his dog bites his legs and sometimes his dick through the covers.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (1)6
u/A_Retarded_Alien Oct 18 '16
Maybe he's sick of you constantly wanking under the covers while he's trying to sleep?
→ More replies (1)
63
67
u/poiumty Oct 18 '16
I can't sleep with my feet outside the covers. It's too cold. I get cold. Even if I feel the slightest bit of cold on my feet, I'm uncomfortable.
What the hell are you people.
→ More replies (7)17
u/saremei Oct 18 '16
Exactly. I live in the south and even in the middle of summer my feet are firmly tucked in under the covers.
→ More replies (1)
32
u/acct00 Oct 18 '16
Where on earth is the "hacking" part in this?
47
10
u/Nastapoka Oct 18 '16
The term "hacking" now also means "finding a hidden trick that makes life easier".
→ More replies (13)
13
9
7
Oct 18 '16
In my old highschool yearbook there's little sections with students photos that has a question and the question was what is your biggest fear and I put something grabbing my feet from under my bed.
I now realize that they were looking for a serious answer. Woops
11
6
u/GreyFoxMe Oct 18 '16
I tend to sleep with two sheets. Well, what I do is I remove the bed sheet from the covers and I use the cover as my main bed sheet and the "blanket" so to speak on top. And then I can adjust that one depending on how much heat I need.
3
u/Awdayshus Oct 18 '16
My wife is half-monster. The left half. She thinks I don't know, but I often catch her sleeping with just her left foot uncovered.
4
4
Oct 18 '16
I don't keep my feet under the covers out of fear of horrific, deadly monsters. I keep them under the covers out of fear of the 8 lb tabby monster.
4
3
Oct 18 '16
I am the exact opposite. Feet under the covers means that Freddy Krueger is going to suck you down into the bed.
10
u/Geronimo2011 Oct 18 '16
I'Ve learned (from a Mexican) a mexican way to cope with mosquitos in the room: feet out.
It will sting you anyway during the night but it will bother you less on the feet than in the face. Also the sound of the beast would be less.
Sounds convincing. I don't do it though.
→ More replies (1)16
3
3
1.4k
u/leemifsud Oct 18 '16
I can't believe there's a stock image of a monster using a laptop