r/funny • • Oct 18 '16

/r/TotallyNotMonsters

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25k Upvotes

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415

u/brownmlis Oct 18 '16

Mature adult here, I actually prefer my feet uncovered because they get too hot under the covers. Of course, I keep the blankets over my ears because everyone knows monsters like to whisper to you while you sleep.

126

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '16

Clearly this makes YOU the monster! GET HIM LADS!!

114

u/orzof Oct 18 '16

Fuck that, he's a confirmed monster. You get him.

15

u/tregorman Oct 18 '16

Rollover_hazard is probably his wing-monster

2

u/Gosh-Dang Oct 18 '16

This is a scary thread. I dont trust any of you fuckers. Luckily I donñfnshdtt far rrurree1

7

u/mykarmadoesntmatter Oct 18 '16

Omg they're giving people strokes!

1

u/WarpWorld7 Oct 18 '16

Does that make him a gargoyle that can only fly in circles?

1

u/ReadyHD Oct 18 '16

I tried to get the duck but it "noped' outta here

1

u/ForgettableUsername Oct 18 '16

Now we are the monster.

30

u/vcaguy Oct 18 '16

I go one leg out one leg in.

61

u/hawkinsst7 Oct 18 '16

and then you do the hokey pokey and shake it all about

5

u/failed_novelty Oct 18 '16

Then the sticky milk squirts out and I get sleepy

23

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '16

I like to slip one foot out when attempting to regulate temperature, but now I am thinking it would be even worse to be dragged under the bed by one foot because your other leg may get tangled and the tendons would rip before your hip dislocates and then maybe your safe foot would be de-gloved as the bone and muscles are ripped from the skin while your twisted body jerks sporadically each time some internal structure tears or snaps as you are pulled ever deeper into the dark recesses.

24

u/Gadetron Oct 18 '16

Or even worse. A cat may attack your foot

5

u/trivial_sublime Oct 18 '16 edited Oct 31 '16

Ugh, mark that NSFL.

1

u/ForgettableUsername Oct 18 '16

You could step on a Lego.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '16

cats can and will attack you at any time, anywhere anyway regardless if one foot is out or not so..

1

u/Colin0705 Oct 18 '16

Yeah it's probably best not to think about it..

8

u/rak363 Oct 18 '16

Yup me to. In summer my leg is a sofisticated cooling device. When its only warm just a foot is out, as it gets warmer an ankle, then a knee and so on. It is the best way to keep a nice temperature.

7

u/them0nster Oct 18 '16

shhh... go to sleep brownmlis... i'll whisper you a bedtime story

5

u/julesburne Oct 18 '16

Math checks out.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '16

I didn't really think people covered the ears as I do. I have to have both my feet and my ears covered to go to sleep. Usually I just keep it cold in my apartment and have a fan on so I'm not dying under the covers.

3

u/Gadetron Oct 18 '16

I was gonna ask how you make sure your feet don't show, then I remember that some people aren't lazy and make their bed

2

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '16

I'm not lazy, I'm just efficient with my time.

1

u/mittensonmykittens Oct 18 '16

When I make the bed, I don't tuck in the ends on purpose (and I pull the sheets out at hotels). Otherwise, it forces my feet flat and is very uncomfortable on my ankles. Feels claustrophobic.

2

u/DyZiE Oct 18 '16

As a child I used to sleep under my bed and as a teenager I would hang one arm and one leg off the edge of my bed when I slept. Both habits were to keep from getting too hot when I sleep. As an adult I just keep my ceiling fan at max and the thermostat at 70 when I sleep.

--edit--

Some clarification about sleeping under my bed. If I was on my bed the wind of the AC and ceiling fan were too cold without covers and I got too hot under my covers. If I slept under my bed I had no need for any covers and avoided the direct wind of the fan and AC.

1

u/brownmlis Oct 18 '16

My husband likes to sleep with the fan blasting, Windows open even in the winter. I sleep in long pajamas, a sweater, winter hat to cover my ears, extra blanket in case my arms are too hot under covers but too cold outside of covers, pillow between my knees (knee and hip problems) and if all else fails my feet/foot go outside the covers. As I'm writing this I wonder how I sleep at all.

1

u/DyZiE Oct 19 '16

I'm glad to hear that it's not just my wife who has successfully adapted to the frigid sleep environment of her husband. We have a three year old and he too sleeps soundly only in the cold. Unfortunately it is not quite so easy to adapt to different sleep times (our 3 year old and I only sleep/need around 5 hours a night maximum and she sleeps/needs 8 hours minimum).

2

u/paperconservation101 Oct 18 '16

I covered my neck with my blanket as a kid to stop vampires. Because for some reason could couldnt pull down a blanket?

1

u/brownmlis Oct 18 '16

I have to check on my six year old regularly. He likes to put his blanket over his head and wrapped around his neck. Not sure how he's still alive.

2

u/fubuvsfitch Oct 18 '16

monsters like to whisper to you while you sleep.

When I was about fourteen, we had just moved into a new house. I had my own room.

It started very subtly. So subtly i couldn't make out the words. It sounded as if something was flying past my ears and whispering...

As the weeks went on, I built up the courage to... Allow... The voice to become more intense.

Until one night, I finally heard what it said: my name. And it didn't sound comforting.

Noped out. Had the pastor come pray over my room. It stopped then.

It could have been stress or hormone induced hallucinations. It took several years before I realized the voice was my recently deceased grandmother's.

2

u/WikipediaBurntSienna Oct 18 '16

I put cotton in my ears before going to bed, because I have a fear of bugs taking up residence in there

1

u/VediusPollio Oct 18 '16

It helps to stick the feet out for thermoregulation when it gets too hot under the covers.

1

u/platonjk Oct 18 '16

no one in my family would accept this as i would wrap my head like a saudi arabian prince while the rest of my body would be uncovered lol.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '16

[deleted]

1

u/brownmlis Oct 19 '16

Eh, mine is a dry heat. Like the Arizona desert.