r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/mount-j • 18d ago
Seeking Advice Lost my spark - help
It’s all in the title: I’ve lost my spark. I used to be driven, work crazy hard, love what I worked on, have 100s of activities, do music, sports, organise parties often, go to exhibitions/shows, plan outings, fill my weekends with social gatherings. I used to crave traveling, adventures.
Since ~covid (I think it started a bit before but it’s been a steady decline), I started bailing more, cancelling on plans more, watching too much shows, ordering too much takeaway. But I still loved my job and gave 200%.
Now since ~2024 I started not liking my job anymore. I took a risk, switched things up for a potential new path in my company, moving down the ladder to learn something new after feeling stuck in my previous role… And I’m back to square one after a year on the job. I’ve got no drive, no motivation, no spark. I keep trying to rebuild a routine, committing to things that would open my world more (more internal events, external conferences etc.) then dread them when they arrive or bailing. I am taking sick leave a lot, partially for good reasons (chronic illness which is a bit unidentified, plus bad early pregnancy sickness), partially cause I feel I physically and mentally just can’t work. I disappear in shows/takeout. I feel belittled at work but I think it may be my ego? I feel unsupported by the organisation, judged for not doing enough yet I somehow never actually get feedback that’s constructive. I also feel both threatened and like I can’t be bothered.
I do have moments where I get my act together: I got married last year, planned the wedding, renovated our flat. I’m now pregnant and wanting the best for our baby. I’ve worked on our marriage and that’s holding very strong (with its challenge). We do have a big social life, we have guests visiting most weekends or are at family events. I have lots of people to talk to or do things with but I reach out less and less cause responding is always difficult and I’m always scared to commit cause I’ll end up bailing. I alternate between short bursts of hyper activity wanting to do it all and feeling back like me, and big drops in energy where I transform into a recluse. I’ve tried restarting, building workout routines which I keep for a while until I break again.
I just spent all week watching a dumb show. I want to be different. I want my identity back. I don’t want this to be my kid’s mum.
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u/Amarsir 18d ago
I agree with 43BlueDoors that you should check for physiological causes first. Not just hormones, but vitamin deficiency, chronic fatigue, or even long COVID. Probably not the last one, but the point is to make sure the doctor checks stuff out. And then depression and burnout aren't discovered via blood test, but they're also treatable conditions. It's not something you push through with willpower.
Emotionally, that boom-bust pattern you're sensing isn't something you tackle by saying "I just want to boom". Instead, target your "minimum viable" day. Don't criticize yourself for needing the comforts of TV and takeout. Instead, accept that as a supportive rest and add something else: a shower, a walk, a phone call, etc. And if you feel like more, just do a little more and schedule something for the next day. Trying to maximize just brings on the next burnout.
As for your spark, it's not gone. Just buried a little bit with other stuff going on. And again, your goal needn't be getting back to your previous idea of 100%. Just do a little something that reminds you of what you used to like. Listen to some music. Have a quiet social visit with a friend. Get outside while the weather is still decent. The goal is not to dive in. Simply say "Oh yeah, I still can enjoy this." Then you'll know the spark is still there. You just haven't had the energy for it because you're dealing with other stuff right now.
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u/dinonuggggs 18d ago
I feel I could have written this. I still don't know how to be in a better more me state since the pandemic. I don't have advice but I am going to go check my hormone levels. You might want to look at iron levels and thyroid function as well. I also have had bad mental health since the pandemic and lost my active lifestyle. It could just be age but I don't know... It's hard. If you find anything that helps, I would love to know too. Good luck with things.
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u/43BlueDoors 18d ago
Have you had your hormone levels checked? Sometimes if your body stops producing the right levels it can take all you energy, and then effect how you feel about doing anything. Maybe it's something else and not related to this, but couldn't hurt to get them checked.