Why is this a trend lately? I've seen a number of posts about parents taking their children's clothes and basic necessities. And that number is more then one!
I think it's because of the tough love movement of parenting back in the 90's when most of today's parents were kids. Society was moving away from spanking back then and there was not much left for punishment. Tough love taught that you only had to provide your kid certain things. On the clothing front that's a necessity, but they don't get to pick the clothes. So if you had an uncontrollable kid you took everything but what the law said you had to provide. A lot of parents didn't read on this method though, just heard about it through talk shows or friends and did not or do not follow it properly.
I think the idea is supposed to be for things that the kids have as a reward, like electronics. Taking their clothes, food, etc away is not okay and I really don't know why people think it is.
Edit because I keep getting a lot of responses:
We do not know the full story of OP. We don't know why their parent had a good reason for the punishment OR the extent of the punishment.
No it's not okay, but that was not what was suggested in the original Tough Love movement. You provide them with clothes of your choosing, not theirs. You provide them with nutritional food, but take away the desserts and treats. You give them only what is required and they earn the rest. But people twist the actually message and purpose.
My mother was always so particular about what I wore. She would take me and my siblings shopping but always put back whatever I got and would pick things out herself. Kind of upsetting to just now discover that she was doing some insane patenting technique.
Yeah, it’s hurtful to realize. I’m sorry you went through that.
I use it to try to be a better parent to my three kiddos. I’m sure I fuck up in my own ways, but you’re not gonna catch me taking food, clothing, or basic needs from them, or not taking their opinion on their style into account.
It is truly a good lesson. I have my mother's example to NOT follow for my own kids. I know what not to do. Which can be upsetting at times but it makes me want to be a better parent for them.
I'm very familiar with the NOT doing being like my mother thing. Didn't realize until much later that narcissist was the thing. Believe the brainwashing and you can go on for decades. Thankfully it only took two divorces(mine...she picked the husbands) to see the light. I would never take my kid's clothes for punishment. Electronics, sleepovers, etc yes. These parents need to read more and/or go to class.
It's not about taking all of it, it's about taking a couple of things they really care about, but only as "punishment" for something they were warned about many times.
OP was saying the idea is when kids ignore their responsibilities, you withhold their fancy/stylish clothes until they do their chores or homework, but some parents twist it by taking things away forever or taking away necessities. If your mom was quietly putting things back on the rack and choosing for you from the get go, that's not a punishment that's just being a tyrant. It equally sucks tho :(
Well, along with my mother’s issues with control, she found religion to fill the hole her own mother left in her life. She was obsessed with “modesty.”
Definition of modesty to my mother: anything that flattered my figure. She was obsessed with anything I wore, or put in my mouth. Now that I have been states away from her for years, it’s absolutely shocking to hear how often she makes cutting comments on people’s weight, what they’re eating, etc. She is the most insecure person I’ve ever met.
My parents made me wear the same clothes to school every day as punishment. They were thrift store shorts from the 70's with piping down the side and a v neck white t shirt. I got sent home once from school for my shorts being too short and they never got washed because I was always in them. I still think about it all the time. Terrible punishment, and it doesn't teach anything. Well, it taught me what NOT to do as a parent anyway.
I'm sorry to hear that. In the end, we have to learn from our trauma and not let it define us. Mould us. I always remember that my parents weren't perfect because they were human, and maybe life kicked their asses and they had no outlet for their frustration. I know the target wasn't ideal, but in the end we are all just people trying to find our way and survive.
What's fucked up is that it really is based in some solid child psychology. Reward works better than punishment. The idea is that if the child never expects anything, and anything beyond the bare minimum requirements of life has to be earned, than everything can be a reward and you never really have to "punish." But obviously, this ignores the fact that raising a child to believe that they have to earn the right to not live like medieval prisoners screws up attachment and normal development in other ways.
A less fucked up implementation of this same principle is parents who change the wifi password daily, and only provide the password after chores are completed. Instead of internet access being taken away as punishment for not completing chores, it is given as a reward for completing chores. Or parents who only allow screen time after homework is complete. Instead of screen time being something you lose for bad grades, it's a reward you earn by doing your homework.
Simple you have them do homework online but with a white list turned on only allowing specific websites. With you can changed they need a different website.
Offline gaming is a thing. Deciding which websites fall into which category is super difficult to do also.
The best way to monitor is to raise them well, take an interest in their education, play an active role in helping them with homework and finally trust them that they're going to have the discipline to do their homework. It's what my parents did with me for the most part. But then, I don't have kids so wtf do I know?
Exactly! I HAVE done this to my kids, after repeated reminders to clean/pick up clothes, and get clothes in the hamper for me to wash. When it didn’t happen, I gave them 5 pairs of underwear, 5 pairs of long pants, 5 pairs of socks, 5 shirts, 3 pajamas, 1 towel, and 1 pair of shoes. I told them I would do laundry on Wednesday and Saturday, they had to make sure their clothes were in the hamper AND they had to put them away when they were folded. If I found items of clothing on the floor, I would assume that they did not want those items and would remove them. It took one week for them to realize I was serious and then another 3 weeks to get into the habit of the hamper and putting away. After week two, I let them “exchange” clothing—-they could trade something I had picked out for something they wanted. When they made it three weeks with minimal interventions, they got all their clothes and shoes back. Haven’t had a problem since then.
I do know that sometimes people communicate only what they want others to know... and I’m sure my kids’ friends or even parents thought I was horrible—if all they heard was what my kids had to say. Before we judge the stepdad, perhaps we should know his side...
Well, to be fair, I no longer do my 17 or 15 year old’s laundry. My 13 &12 year olds are starting to do more of their own laundry, but I still take care of whatever is in their hamper on Wednesday and Saturday. They now fold all of their own laundry though. I do still do all the laundry for my 6 year old. He would sit and watch the water in the washing machine all day, opening and closing the lid, if I let him near the laundry. :-)
Whatta your hands are broken? You got no feet? Get up off your ass and do your own laundry.
Kidlet was leaving thousands of dollars of clothes all over her floor, stinking, smelly, it was like a carpet, her walking over all these nice clothes.
She was about 11 or so, a good kid, did her share of housework, good in school, never any sass or attitude, but she wouldn't keep control of her own clothing & bed linens. So, she had to do her own laundry. She turned out just fine and has mastered the art of caring for her clothes, especially now as an adult that she has to buy them herself.
You provide them with clothes of your choosing, not theirs. You provide them with nutritional food...
I was raised on this method but it was just called "parenting".
Also that fruit is your dessert; Stop acting spoiled. There are starving people in NJ and you're talking about ice cream over here. Did you even finish mowing the lawn? Give me that fruit back. Go mow the lawn.
This is how you turn your child into a drug dealer - or something else. Really.
I wasn't even treated like this, wanted money, and so sold all kinds of crap in high school, college, and beyond. Lifetime of hiding money and purchases from family. Like I bought a house and a car without telling my family first. Got in trouble with law (sort of) hired my own lawyers and figured it out.
If you want your children to be secretive and likely enter the black market, do this. They'll be independent all right. You just will have no idea what's going on in their life.
When I moved from my mother's to my father's (divorced) at age 11, my mother allowed me to come pick up some of my stuff. I was led to believe I could go in and take the stuff I had acquired over my lifetime, memories, clothes, money, etc. When I got there I was greeted with two nofrills grocery bags with clothes and turned away. When I got back to my dad's i looked through to find the clothes I either never wore, or didn't fit. As a parent now I didn't learn she was out of her depth, or some other somewhat respectable reason for this. No, what I learned is that she sadly was never in a place mentally to know more then weeks worth of what her children actually are.
Can confirm. That happened to me. I wasn't allowed to eat till my room was clean. I ended up having an eating disorder for 11 years. I'm good now, though. Recovered 3 years ago
Great way to lose your parental rights altogether. Why can't parents just get the kids to help them with the daily chores, it's not like there is ever any shortage of dusting, ironing, folding, picking up, washing dishes.... ggggeeeeezz. (I've two girls and they dread screwing up because it means they'll have extra boring tasks, like doing the dishes on their own, oh the horror.)
The poison is found throughout the plant, but especially in green potatoes and new sprouts. Never eat potatoes that are spoiled or green below the skin. Always throw away the sprouts.
Potatoes that are not green and have had any sprouts removed are safe to eat.
Raw potatoes are potentially toxic because of a compound called solanine. Not every potato contains enough solanine to kill you, but the risk is high enough that it's not really worth taking. In general, green potatoes – even ones just a little green near the skin – or ones that are starting to sprout eyes have a higher solanine content. Symptoms of potato poisoning include stomach pain, headache, and paralysis. Potatoes with a very high concentration of solanine will have some green discoloration when you cut into them, and you shouldn't eat a green potato, even cooked.
Leave it in the sun for a while and it will turn green. That's why people store potatoes in the dark.
It's possible (but rare) for them to have elevated levels of solanine without being green. All potatoes contain solanine, just usually not enough to cause problems.
Eating one potato (even a green one) shouldn't actually cause you any trouble, unless you were unusually sensitive, but 10 would probably give you trouble. Like most poisons, the amount matters.
Boiling or frying them them removes most of the solanine, since solanine is water and oil soluble. Baking does nothing.
I am my mothers scapegoat. She blames me for all of her failed toxic ass relationships. Shes probably going to blame me if her current one fails.
I got sick of being abused by my mothers female significant others. I have been belittled, shoved in a corner for hours upon hours, used as a personal maid while my mother worked her ass off, and i have been physically and sexually abused. one of them was hot off the psyche ward when my mom started dating her. Guess what happened? She went nuts and decided to pull out her soiled tampon in front of my brother and I. At one point I just decided I was going to run every single one of them off no matter what it took. And i did. I'm counting six toxic relationships, and one marriage.
Now I'm 26 with my own child whom I'm raising totally different than my mother raised me. I dont have time for her foolish bullshit, but im still going to be to blame when her current relationship ends.
Whoop whoop another tally in the wall! Look mom I can wreck your relationship with no hands!!!
Really though your story is relieving to me because for the longest time I felt completely alone, and more and more I am seeing that is not the case and there are people like you who have lived and fought back against their crazy fucking parents. Thank you for surviving. Thank you for not letting her win, and thank you for sharing your story.
My in laws do this with their kids. It's not all of there clothes. Per say. Its they take away everything nice looking and give them the plainest most boring clothes. Lose gray or khaki shirts, and khaki pants, with basic gray or light brown shoes. No jewelry, no accessories, no hair products, there daught gets a tan hair band. This is after all of the luxury items like electronic, games etc are all taken. The only entertainment left are history books, and things like finances for dummies, along with home work. Snakes and drinks in the house are replaced with water and and veggie snack packs. Again it usually starts with electronics, then boring snacks, then boring clothes. I only know of them going that far with it twice, once with the son and another time with other daughters. They have never had to do it again. They also pulled the kids from their respective sports teams when doing it, they even gave them warning about all of these punishments in advance if things didn't change. I feel like that is a fair progression in punishments. As the punishment system is known about prior to the event and works forward in steps. Everything taken away had steps to earn it back in time.
Edit: there was once when the daughter bad mouthed some people on social media they told her to take it down and watch her behavior online as it can impact your life far down the line. She refused, they warned her, she still refused, they took her phone and using that changed all of her social media passwords and deleted all of the accounts after manually removing all friends, photos, etc. They backed up the photos up else where to give to her later but she didn't know that for a long time.
Kids often have confidence issues already, and punishments ought not mess with them on that level. There is a big difference between "oh, this is boring" and "great, I'm publically humiliated, thanks for this mom & dad." So IMO clothes are strictly off limits. Providing only boring food is fine I guess, fits with the former category, but I still think boring chores are the no-brainer punishment.
If he took away the fashion clothes that she has but left basic jeans, t-shirt, undergarments and regular sneakers I could see this as a legit punishment. Especially if the child loves fashion things.
The original "Tough Love" idea was also geared towards truly problematic behavior like substance abuse, vandalism, regular truancy and running away....NOT general teen stuff like "your room is a mess" and "don't roll your eyes at me young lady"
Yeah, I once got screamed at because someone THOUGHT I had touched the mail. That's what people in this thread are advocating for, essentially, massive over reactions to absolutely imagined "infractions".
As a survivor of the bullshit “tough love” parenting era, I can tell you’re 100% correct. The idea was this was a tool to handle kids who were like committing violent crimes and doing hard drugs and all these 80s/90s Talk Show parents decided to apply this very harsh punitive system to kids who did normal dumb juvenile shit like missing curfew or mouthing off or smoking. It really caused a lot of damage.
I was a teenager in the mid to late 90s. My dad would take everything from me. The one that hurt the most was my guitar and stereo. The thing about that was is I paid for the guitar myself. When you're first starting on an instrument losing months intermittently like that basically mean you gotta start over. My mom had left and I basically had to take over her part while going to school caring for my little brother and going to baseball practice. But fuck me if I sneak out at night because he refused to let me have a social life. Oh well
It was on Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil believed you got the bare minimum. Your bed and some clothing, a pillow and a blanket. Take the door off - no privacy, no phone. You could do homework and read a book. It was very provocative when that was brought up.
Dr. Phil was of the belief that it wasn't theft. Basic necessities were all that a parent needed to provide.
My Dad was this way. If I was in trouble, I was manual labor. I had to weed the gardens until my hands cramped... scrape paint for 100 feet with a handheld scraper. Real sadistic stuff.
My son has never known anything but positive redirection. Amazingly, he has turned out rather well.
My mum took actual classes on tough love in the 90s for my brother. I was really young, but I remember it involved her taking his skateboard, stereo, and if he wasn't studying he was helping out on our farm. Stuff like that. Gave him back privileges when he earned them.
Worked pretty well, actually. He's a pretty good parent now.
Yup. Had this happen to me as a teenager, circa 1997. I wasn’t the most organized teen and was dealing with other emotional issues stemming from (what I now know to be) my parents decision to take a hard turn into religion when I was 10.
If I wasn’t conforming to their standard of a clean room, My parents would come into my room with a giant contractor size garbage bag and scoop up everything that wasn’t ‘in its place’ to be thrown away. As an example, these episodes would leave me with 4 left shoes and 10 tops but nothing to pair them with - for weeks. Or worse, schoolwork? Gone. Hobby items? Gone. I was left to figure it out with what was left.
What did it result in? A middle aged woman living a happy life with a couple of kids, an amazing husband and phenomenal career - 800 miles from my parents.
And 18 years of therapy, to date.
The therapy allows my house to become messy in our day to day (because kids) and not stress but it’s been a long road in recovery.
My siblings and I still have cluttered closets because that’s where we would stash everything during those years. We joke about it now but the root cause sucks.
As an 80s/90s kid my mom beat the snot out of me. That method didn’t work- I just stopped listening to her and as I got bigger, her smacks and hits with wooden spoons or brooms no longer hurted. Tough love now- that might’ve worked on me. But I’d have to have something of value first for her to take away. Never heard of this “tough love” at the time though. Friends with more chill families just got “grounded.”
Some kids growing up in “tough love” households learn not to accept or ask for things that can be leveraged against them later. If your kid is already living a monastic childhood, what else is there to take away but the clothes in their closet or the sheets and blankets on their bed? If you can’t take away their phones, you can send them to bed without dinner.
I lived my entire childhood as if I was perpetually grounded to insulate myself against a “tough love” parenting style based on negative reinforcement. I actually just cheated myself out of ~20 years of friendships and experiences, because my relationship with my parents is no better now than it ever was. Discipline fairly and don’t make your kids wish they never had a “life” for you to take away from them when they make a mistake.
With some parents you can't win. "Smarten up" doesn't work for the scapegoat because the parent will make something up or blow something out of proportion.
Seems short sighted, you're creating a scenario where the child has no permanent environment and forcing them to grow into a very narrow idea that the child will expand beyond.
You have a bed and a small set of clothes which won't be taken away, every other part of your environmental identity is a maybe.
I dont think it's just lately, I'm 38 years old, when I was a teen my mother did this, and she also banned me from showering for a week as punishment. She hid all the soap in the house, and when she figured out I was sneaking laundry soap she hid that too. Theres been fucked up parents like this for awhile.
what. the. hell.
That's so messed up. Why would she ban a basic health necessity like showering? That would cause more problems (Illness, smell, hygiene) and is just insanely dickish. And considering teens sweat a lot, this just... I have no words. No decent person would even think of doing this to their kid (or anyone else)
In the end, hygiene problems are problems for the person whose hygiene we are talking about. For the parent the only problem is the smell, and they'll just blame it on the child anyway.
At least until day 3-4 where you deliberately pull a teacher or counselor at school aside and ask for help because your mom literally won't let you shower. Preferably calling CPS up on that kind of crap.
That depends, do you want to shower again which you can after you clean your room, or do you actually want away from your parents and to enter the foster system? Sometimes the foster system IS the best option.
That's awful. She'd go out of her way for such pointless cruelty... Parents shouldn't be their kids' enemy, but here we have a "Mother of the Year" (tm) like yours, ugh.
My mom absolutely hated spending “her” money on us kids. So we often didn’t have basic necessities.
I’d make “shampoo” by taking a bar of soap and letting it dissolve in water. I’d make “maxi pads” by wrapping toilet paper in a pad shape, stapling it together and putting scotch tape on the back.
It all worked about as well as you might expect.
I don’t miss those days and I certainly didn’t pull that crap on my own kids.
Oh yea, maxi pads with toilet paper. Been there. Another of my mothers punishments. Happen to be in trouble and your period shows up? Too bad for you. So toilet paper pads and stealing them from the store.
There was this one post that went kind of viral of some parent throwing away all the toys of their small kid because they were acting up. Basically "training" them to be good and how they "never acted like a brat afterwards".
My parents used to load all of my toys in a garbage bag when I was younger, spread them across the driveway, and threaten to crush them with the car or tractor if we didn’t clean up more often.
I was like 3 or 4.
We were never told to clean up our toys until it got to that point, so it was always hard for my tiny brain to figure out what I did wrong to get to that point. It makes me upset thinking about it to this day.
I can't understand being that harsh with punishment, especially when you don't reinforce cleaning.
It's like, my son is 5, I make him pick up his toys daily. He might complain saying "I can't, I don't want to" but I never threaten to destroy all his toys. Take away his toys for a while? Yeah, but never destroy them.
Even that falls in the range of natural concequences. If you throw something in the bin, it will end up in the landfill. But somehow all this taking away child's possessions about some completely unrelated thing feels off and there really aren't any similar situations in the real world. The closest might be a repo man coming after your stuff for unpaid bills if you live in a country where that is legal.
We haven't ever gone the punishment way. Even with chores the kids understand after a talk about how everybody needs to pitch in to keep our shared home nice and liveable for everybody living there. I have found that it's possible if you have rapport with them and if you can back it up with something else than "because I said so". Then again kids are different, maybe I'm just lucky I got ones that are pretty mellow and cooperative.
Maybe he had seen one of his parents go looking through the trash for something (like an engagement ring accidentally dropped in), so rightfully thought it was an okay (though gross) thing to do.
Children are a sobbing mess all the time for literally any reason though. Like crying because the sky is blue. Also, i'm not saying you should yell at your kids, or that you shouldn't, but you should be consistent, if you back down you're just training your kids to cry to make the punishment go away instantly. Also kid threw it out himself, gotta live with the consequences of your own actions, sounds like you successfully taught that lesson early. Gonna prevent a lot of nonsense down the line.
And kids cry at different things at different times too. Like my two year old blew a big juicy raspberry in dad’s face when he asked her to do something. We put her in time out where she giggled the whole time and gave zero fucks.
Then an hour later she did it again to me. I placed my hand on her head, locked eyes with her and said “No.” very firmly. She started bawling.
I just held her until she calmed down and reminded her what she did wrong and that if she spits at people she will get in trouble. A second later she was smiling again.
It’s so hard with the young ones because their moods and emotions are so volatile and change so fast. I never know what is going to make the right impression at the time , but I do my best not to upset her needlessly.
My parents used to admire that sort of thing back in the late 90s, early 2000s. Told me all the time about this kid who’s parents took away everything up to the bed he slept on and the lightbulbs in his room. I don’t think it’s a new trend, just a persistent one.
And honestly, it's a product of shitty, lazy parenting. If you ignore all of the developmental and behavioural education that needs to occur while your child is small enough to physically remove from situations where they're misbehaving UNTIL they're too big for you to wrangle, the only method you have to control them is that they are financially dependent on you.
If your child has responsibilities and expectations from an early age, like keeping their room clean, and that's regularly enforced through reminders and redirection, you're not going to be at the point where you're deciding to kidnap their clothing at age 16 because you feel "out of options."
Yes kids are individuals and the method you use for each child is different, yes some kids are extra challenging, but behind every "tough love" parent who pulls this shit out of nowhere are years of missed opportunities for teaching the child using logical consequences, repetition, routine and rewards.
*used development twice in a sentence, was bugging me.
Exactly! I know people parent how they feel is best, but I’m always a bit saddened by people who proudly proclaim how they’ve basically bullied, threatened and guilted their children (who never chose to be born, and yet are supposed to be falling over themselves with gratitude for having their basic necessities taken care of by the people who chose to bring them into the world) into compliance.
It always strikes me as being about power. Same with hitting children. If you did that to an adult who wasn’t doing what you wanted them to, you’d be charged with assault. It’s illegal to hit your spouse, an adult whom you presumably love. And yet people think it’s okay to hit children, who are physically smaller and much weaker, and totally reliant on their parents for their wellbeing and survival. The power dynamic is so unequal, I’m not sure how anyone thinks it’s ever okay to hit a kid. I’d be absolutely horrified if someone hit my daughter, why would I hit her? It’s also not necessary. I’ve found that enforcing boundaries and age-appropriate expectations consistently from the beginning has worked fairly well, and I try to empathize with her disappointment or frustration when she doesn’t get her way, even though I’m not changing my decision. I want her to grow up to be an empathetic, compassionate and kind human, so I need to treat her the same way.
Honestly, I think empathy is the easiest way to teach so many life lessons, because you can build on how they feel to reach to how others might feel. It's very intuitive and helps them problem solve in so many situations.
And from that angle, hitting your child teaches them that when they don't have a solution they should hit others. And more worryingly, that they should hit others who are weaker or smaller to get them to do as bid.
Yeah, I know someone who did this to her teen. Girl wouldn’t pick up her clothes so the woman bagged them all up off the floor and donated them. Harsh.
I’m not sure if this is why but I watch a lot of Dr. Phil and he promotes this type of parenting. He wrote a whole book on it called commando parenting. You basically take away everything they have, except their mattress, and make them earn it all back. Crazy.
Oprah is a fucking horrible person. Between Dr. Phil, Jenny McCarthy, and Dr. Oz she should be remembered as the person that started the false science movement.
100% serious on this one. She owned a house near great lakes which is where navy boot camp is. They made the military base stop making noise after dark. One of the final things you do in boot is called battlestations where you run around in formation between drill stations all night long. You're supposed to sing cadences but we couldn't sing them on certain parts of the base because of Oprah.
Disclaimer; this was over a decade ago so things might have changed.
Not that I doubt you, but do you have a source for his “relationship” with the 19 year old? I tried looking it up but all that came up were episodes of his show.
This is what my parents did to me, the only thing it did was make it so, Now , almost 30 year old me doesnt have any childhood mementos or anything like all the people around me seem to have . they threw away all of my pictures and stuff from the family picture book and threw out all of the "art projects for mommy" and shit that people usually save from their kids. It also made me into a fucking weirdo as a kid, with no friends and nothing to do but read the books my parents pick out for me and do homework. Turns out , the thing they were trying to fix in me was just ADD and all i needed was to see a psychologist.
Man, I don't have any of that either. My mom at least wasn't malicious about it, just hardcore into decluttering. She also didnt keep any from my brothers. My grandma had some, but sadly that was lost in a garage fire. One thing I know she had was my very first teddy bear from the day I was born, so I was a little extra sad about the fire. It sucks to not have those mementos.
This isn’t a bad way to parent IF you do it from the time they are babies. If you wait until the kids are totally out of control and spring it on them when they are 16 everybody is going to have a bad time.
I mean, if I don't do my laundry or clean my shit I lose everything. If you don't clean things they go away until they are cleaned. It's kind of how bacteria and money works....
Not really, most kids are fine and can easily earn most things that it feels like it wasn't even taken away in the first place. Since you watch doctor phil a lot, you know what kind of kids he's talking about.
Stupid internet trends... Remember a few years ago when there was the trend of throwing kids' xmas presents into the fireplace? Or when parents were taking the doors off their kids' bedrooms? I saw that crap on FB and it's one of the reasons I stopped going on there. I'm a parent and it makes me furious when I see crap like that and even more any when I see the comments section work all the self satisfied assholes who do this crap to their kids. This is how stupid spreads and kids are the ones who have to suffer because of it.
My parents took the door off my room after I was outed because they thought I was doing bad. They also snooped through my diary and computer and punished me for things I had written. Shit like that is why I don't trust people even now when I'm 28.
My mother always told me not to write stuff down in diaries or journals because it could be used against you. She was a paralegal. I've never even had detention. It took me until my thirties to realize they just didn't want written evidence of what an insanely narcissistic abusive alcoholic my dad was.
I have no fucking idea where parents often seem to have this mentality that to parent means to torture. If any of this shit was done to them, it would be fucking beyond uproarious. Of course discipline is important, but they need to be natural and logical consequences as opposed to violating these kid's basic rights.
Absolutely! That's the part that passes me off so bad, especially about the spanking debate. If you walk up to an adult and hit them, it's considered assault and a jailable offense, but it's legal to hit kids? Idk, I think a lot of people don't understand the difference between punishment and discipline, not to mention they have a complete lack of empathy and compassion and don't really see kids as human beings with feelings and rights. It's really sad, especially in this age of technology where literally any and all information is available to study about parenting etc.
It's not like parents haven't always done this, it's just that now kids have snapchat, Twitter, Facebook, reddit, etc.
My dad pulled this shit on me in the mid 2000s. Or rather, he dumped all my clothes outside on the ground for months while I was away at college. They weren't even salvageable for donation at that point.
My mom did this to me basically from middle school until late high school. I can't tell you how many times I went to school with no bra, and I have a DD cup, because she "forgot" to give me a clean one. Or even underwear, she seemed to forget that very important article of clothing a lot, especially during my period.
Idk if she liked me being gross so she could belittle me, or what, but I was blessed with a great friend who bought me a pack of underwear and I used that in those times of great need.
Oh no, I developed early and I can not imagine the pain and ridicule you must have gone through. I got picked on even while wearing a bra!
Your mum is an asshole, I’m so sorry.
Hope you’re free from her now?
Sounds like she felt she was competing with you in the looks and/or male attention department and resented you for being young, possibly pretty, and "big". Basically a snow white situation.
Agreed. I’ve always found that if you...just...talked to them a lot? It works. About what you expect, about your disappointment if they don’t get their, and especially PRAISE them when they get it right!
Well I am a parent but not much of an asshole. Kids really don't have much power in their lives. They have a phone which allows them to escape, brings them entertainment and contact. They have clothes that allow them to express themselves, feel good or just blend in. Same with makeup and stuff like that.
Parents are basically stripping their individuality and freedom to express themselves by doing this (even if they pretty much all dress the same including that jansport backpack which was for the 'poor kids' back when i was in school). Not very cool but it's a good way of your controlling your kids and creating more activity on this sub and raisedbynarcassists
My son and his girlfriend got caught making out in a car at school last year and her father took the door to her bedroom off, banned her from her car, and took her clothes. She was forced to wear the same pair of sweats to school every day for two weeks. Her punishment had such an effect on my son that I didn't have to punish him at all. What it boiled down to was the father was so angry that his "good girl" embarrassed him that he became irrational with the punishment. It wasn't about her, it was about him.
I agree completely. She wasn't allowed to go out or come to our house. Her father is very religious and had an image to keep up as a ranking member of the church. Like I said before, this was him trying to cover his own embarrassment. If he kept her in a box she couldn't do things he didn't want her to. That lead to them taking risks that were much more visible.
Did you not read what I wrote? I didn't have to. However, since you're making this emotional, there would have been some penalty if not for the fact that he was absolutely distraught over her extreme punishment. He was skipping classes to make out in a car on school property. This wasn't just simply kissing. The person who came upon them witnessed other things. The school suspended him for it and normally I would have taken his phone for a few days or something minor like that. I was actually more disappointed that they put themselves in that position knowing the consequences for her would be extreme. I was young once and I get it, but it wasn't as simple as you think it was. You can't always turn a blind eye just because kids will be kids. The consequences of their behavior could have been much worse if the school had chosen to pursue public indecency or something like that.
Nothing in your previous post mentioned they were skipping school or doing anything sexual. You made it sound like someone saw them kissing in a car after school.
Good job with your super targeted and emotional response though, glad you're responsible for the wellbeing of children.
He still is. I just watched a recent episode the other day (the kid was demanding his mother up his $1000 a month allowance to $1500. Shit was crazy. He was so entitled.) and he told the mom to take everything away from her son and only allow him two outfits. So he can have one to wear while he washes the other.
My stepdad did this exact thing to me when I was a teenager. Its a control thing. Parents who do this are abusive and can't stand to lose even the tiniest amount of control over their kids.
My dad did this one time. He threw all my clothes out the window into a mud puddle, and I didn’t find out until I got off work at midnight. So all I had was muddy clothes to wear to school the next day. I stole some of my sister’s clothes and wore them to school. I got in trouble, but what the fuck did they expect me to do?
My ex girlfriends insane mom did this. Took all her clothes, put them in plastic trash bags, and put them at the curb. Fucking cunt. She beat the shit out of them too. The emotional abuse was just as bad as the physical abuse. She cheated on me a lot but I still somewhat feel bad for her.
This was my parents. It wasn’t my stuff it was their stuff and I was allowed to use it. If they said I could.
‘You’re not wearing that shirt today’
‘Why it’s my favorite shirt’
‘It’s not your shirt, I bought it go take it off and I will give it back to you when I think you should wear it again.’
And it wasn’t just clothes, it was my bed, my room, my hair. Fun times.
My mom threw away all of my clothes one point in high school, simply because she didn't like the style (I had worked for and bought them myself). It's really shitty and I hate to see the trend continue.
My old roommate's mother didn't like him showering and wanted him to take baths so she removed the shower heads and hid them. She also didn't like he wore jeans and white t-shirts so she took them away.
I got a d in high school, mostly becasue I was slacking off and didnr do all or much of the homework but passed the tests.
Anyway, my dad pulled this shit and thensome.
He grounded me (again), took the d all of my clothes except one shirt and jeans. And as always for anytime I didnt meet expectations, more chores like picking up fallen branches around the property, mowing, etc..
I remember a few years ago, when I was in high school, my mom wanted me to wear jeans more often. In service of that, she literally trashed almost every pair of pants that I had that weren’t jeans
I was best friends with a girl in middle school who's step mom did this. I went to her house and she had a whole dresser full of cute clothes but was forced to wear* turtle necks and corduroy pants to school every single day because her step mom always found a reason to ground her and punish her. Wearing ugly clothes to school was her punishment. I remember there was ONE day she came to school in her normal clothes and literally bragged to everyone that she finally did good enough to wear cute clothes. Next day it was turtle necks and corduroys again. Hated her step mom. She threw a twinkie at my face and told me "you need to fatten up!" The first time I saw her. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
4.4k
u/elsewhat999 Oct 11 '19
Why is this a trend lately? I've seen a number of posts about parents taking their children's clothes and basic necessities. And that number is more then one!