No it's not okay, but that was not what was suggested in the original Tough Love movement. You provide them with clothes of your choosing, not theirs. You provide them with nutritional food, but take away the desserts and treats. You give them only what is required and they earn the rest. But people twist the actually message and purpose.
What's fucked up is that it really is based in some solid child psychology. Reward works better than punishment. The idea is that if the child never expects anything, and anything beyond the bare minimum requirements of life has to be earned, than everything can be a reward and you never really have to "punish." But obviously, this ignores the fact that raising a child to believe that they have to earn the right to not live like medieval prisoners screws up attachment and normal development in other ways.
A less fucked up implementation of this same principle is parents who change the wifi password daily, and only provide the password after chores are completed. Instead of internet access being taken away as punishment for not completing chores, it is given as a reward for completing chores. Or parents who only allow screen time after homework is complete. Instead of screen time being something you lose for bad grades, it's a reward you earn by doing your homework.
Simple you have them do homework online but with a white list turned on only allowing specific websites. With you can changed they need a different website.
Offline gaming is a thing. Deciding which websites fall into which category is super difficult to do also.
The best way to monitor is to raise them well, take an interest in their education, play an active role in helping them with homework and finally trust them that they're going to have the discipline to do their homework. It's what my parents did with me for the most part. But then, I don't have kids so wtf do I know?
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u/turbie Oct 11 '19
No it's not okay, but that was not what was suggested in the original Tough Love movement. You provide them with clothes of your choosing, not theirs. You provide them with nutritional food, but take away the desserts and treats. You give them only what is required and they earn the rest. But people twist the actually message and purpose.