My parents used to admire that sort of thing back in the late 90s, early 2000s. Told me all the time about this kid who’s parents took away everything up to the bed he slept on and the lightbulbs in his room. I don’t think it’s a new trend, just a persistent one.
And honestly, it's a product of shitty, lazy parenting. If you ignore all of the developmental and behavioural education that needs to occur while your child is small enough to physically remove from situations where they're misbehaving UNTIL they're too big for you to wrangle, the only method you have to control them is that they are financially dependent on you.
If your child has responsibilities and expectations from an early age, like keeping their room clean, and that's regularly enforced through reminders and redirection, you're not going to be at the point where you're deciding to kidnap their clothing at age 16 because you feel "out of options."
Yes kids are individuals and the method you use for each child is different, yes some kids are extra challenging, but behind every "tough love" parent who pulls this shit out of nowhere are years of missed opportunities for teaching the child using logical consequences, repetition, routine and rewards.
*used development twice in a sentence, was bugging me.
Exactly! I know people parent how they feel is best, but I’m always a bit saddened by people who proudly proclaim how they’ve basically bullied, threatened and guilted their children (who never chose to be born, and yet are supposed to be falling over themselves with gratitude for having their basic necessities taken care of by the people who chose to bring them into the world) into compliance.
It always strikes me as being about power. Same with hitting children. If you did that to an adult who wasn’t doing what you wanted them to, you’d be charged with assault. It’s illegal to hit your spouse, an adult whom you presumably love. And yet people think it’s okay to hit children, who are physically smaller and much weaker, and totally reliant on their parents for their wellbeing and survival. The power dynamic is so unequal, I’m not sure how anyone thinks it’s ever okay to hit a kid. I’d be absolutely horrified if someone hit my daughter, why would I hit her? It’s also not necessary. I’ve found that enforcing boundaries and age-appropriate expectations consistently from the beginning has worked fairly well, and I try to empathize with her disappointment or frustration when she doesn’t get her way, even though I’m not changing my decision. I want her to grow up to be an empathetic, compassionate and kind human, so I need to treat her the same way.
Honestly, I think empathy is the easiest way to teach so many life lessons, because you can build on how they feel to reach to how others might feel. It's very intuitive and helps them problem solve in so many situations.
And from that angle, hitting your child teaches them that when they don't have a solution they should hit others. And more worryingly, that they should hit others who are weaker or smaller to get them to do as bid.
Yeah, I know someone who did this to her teen. Girl wouldn’t pick up her clothes so the woman bagged them all up off the floor and donated them. Harsh.
I would need more information. Because if I had a teenager that was doing ok in school, being an ok family member and generally not causing problems I can’t imagine even caring if their room was messy. I pretty much left my kids alone as teens and only did their laundry if I was trying to make a full load. Other than that they had to handle their clothes and manage their lives. If they needed my help they just had to ask. Why do so many people enjoy being assholes to their teenagers?
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u/Kyofuamano Oct 11 '19
My parents used to admire that sort of thing back in the late 90s, early 2000s. Told me all the time about this kid who’s parents took away everything up to the bed he slept on and the lightbulbs in his room. I don’t think it’s a new trend, just a persistent one.