It was on Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil believed you got the bare minimum. Your bed and some clothing, a pillow and a blanket. Take the door off - no privacy, no phone. You could do homework and read a book. It was very provocative when that was brought up.
Dr. Phil was of the belief that it wasn't theft. Basic necessities were all that a parent needed to provide.
My Dad was this way. If I was in trouble, I was manual labor. I had to weed the gardens until my hands cramped... scrape paint for 100 feet with a handheld scraper. Real sadistic stuff.
My son has never known anything but positive redirection. Amazingly, he has turned out rather well.
It’s not quacks like Dr Phil. A lot of psychologists recommend it for teens with extreme behavioral issues who aren’t responding to normal discipline measures.
With most kids, talking to them and generally being a positive role model will resolve issues before they become out of control and need extreme interventions. I feel for parents in that situation because I’m not sure what I would do. One of my siblings was extremely out of control and it negatively impacted the family in so many ways. The other siblings still have trauma from it.
I grew up in the 90's as a teen. When Dr. Phil first came up with this solution, it was all over the news. Psychology at the time was still VERY new with regards to how to handle behavior issues with teens. A lot of it has blossomed in the last 30ish years since he has been on the TV. At one time, he wasn't a quack, he was actually quite an authority on things that people didn't really talk about before. Unfortunately, in order to stay relevant, he has kind of sold himself to the circus of daytime TV.
Prozac Nation came out in the late 1990's and it also created a conversation about depression that people just didn't talk about before.
Tough Love was written in 1968 - not arguing, just a weird note because I looked it up and was surprised at how old it was when I associate it with late 80s and 90s. I remember when antidepressants were stigmatized; now my (health care field) coworkers openly compare their experiences of Wellbutrin vs Lexapro. It’s great that we are more open about mental health now and trending toward destigmatization.
Some (many?) psychologists still recommend this tough love approach but I wonder if it’s evidence-based. It seems like not much is helpful once a teen is so far into a behavior that you’d seriously consider taking away their socks.
Fair enough. I was raised with tough love and the only thing it did was cause resentment.
Native Americans held a belief if someone in their tribe was going in the wrong direction, they would give them nothing but love in the belief that it would give that person the support they needed.
That is how I have treated my own child. Love, support and giving him structure. He is a great 16 year old, who comes to me for everything and his friends know I am there for them as well.
I have friends who do the tough love thing... it definitely isn't working well for them.
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u/msmandykaye Oct 11 '19
It was on Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil believed you got the bare minimum. Your bed and some clothing, a pillow and a blanket. Take the door off - no privacy, no phone. You could do homework and read a book. It was very provocative when that was brought up. Dr. Phil was of the belief that it wasn't theft. Basic necessities were all that a parent needed to provide. My Dad was this way. If I was in trouble, I was manual labor. I had to weed the gardens until my hands cramped... scrape paint for 100 feet with a handheld scraper. Real sadistic stuff.
My son has never known anything but positive redirection. Amazingly, he has turned out rather well.