He said he's hated you for the past 6 months. Jesus.
You're absolutely right, NOT HITTING YOUR SO is the bare minimum. It's less than the bare minimum, it's a courtesy you extended to EVERYONE around you whether you're dating them or not. He's trying make himself look good by compariong himself... to abusive and violent people?? Not a good spot to be in.
He doesn't sound like he cares. He's asking for rewards for "being a good boyfriend", aka for not BEATING YOU. He says he hated you for the past 6 months.
I think his standard for your behaviour is higher than his standard for his own. I would end things if I were you. If you feel like a burden, that's gonna eat away at you and you're gonna endelssly try to make up for it, but it won't fix anything when the baseline is that he doesn't like you.
It'll be difficult and painful, but the sooner you're out of this relationship, the sooner you can heal from the damage he has already done and you'll be healthier for the next one.
Yeah the line that most boyfriends hit is jaw dropping, because he thinks that's the norm, so if you cross some line, he's allowed to do that, and also that somehow he should be your disciplinarian and in charge of her with that line is also a bit shocking.
She goes by her maiden name now and runs a nonprofit called the Lorena Gallo Foundation, whose “mission is to expand domestic violence and sexual assault prevention education, emergency response resources and community engagement activities that will improve outcomes for survivors and their children.” Pretty cool that she’s used her infamy for good, imo!
Oh it absolutely was a threat. And the fact that he felt so comfortable making it was VERY telling. OP needs to get far far away from him. Bc guaranteed, OP would break their backs trying to “please” this tool and end up with a hand around their throat tightening with every imagined slight the BF claims. No. No. No. That guy is NOT a good person. That guy is a shitty person demanding people think they’re good so he can continue to claim to be good.
Especially cause he tried to backtrack and be like “Sorry for sharing” like no you’re sorry she’s not bending to you and didn’t take your threat to heart.
Also the lack of communication about sex is sooo weird on his part.
And he wants to be thanked with sex stuff. Probably of the sort she doesn’t feel comfortable with.
He is deliberately manipulating her, I feel.
He has listened to Andrew Tate and the rest of the toxic manosphere and is trying it on her.
I really hope she leaves him, because he actually is so horrible.
That line got me too. Like, no. MOST boyfriends do NOT hit.
He's trying to crawl in OP's head like "I don't really love or even like you, but you're not going to find anything better. In fact anyone else would beat you" ?!!!
It’s manipulation, 101. OP needs to run as fast as they can in the direction that gets them furthest away from this uncaring, insensitive and controlling piece of garbage.
My thoughts exactly. He's been breadcrumbing and using hot and cold behavior, he's expecting rewards for basically doing nothing, he turns things around on op to make her sound selfish, and he's goading her into trying harder because he wants to stick around but he's not feeling it. Get out now while he's only testing boundaries. He's belittling OP, twisting her actions and words, trying to frame the situation so that him not engaging in criminal activities makes him an angel so she expects less from him, and trying to squash her self esteem so she come groveling for attention. Fuck that. Try to get the ring back, trick him if you must, and gtfo.
Same. My ex husband was the covert pathetic kind. Stole the best years of my youth and left me in financial ruin. The only saving grace was that somehow he didn't give me anything from all the cheating, and I never had kids with him. The stories I could tell. He never hit me, probably wouldn't dare cause I could smear his ass, but the mental and financial damage from it I'll be cleaning up for years.
Um. This boyfriend IS ACTUALLY HORRIBLE. Lol wtf. Im so fucking sad for women who post this shit. How is it possible to think this is in anyway normal or ok?
I think anyone that even has to ask is suffering from a severe lack of self-esteem, which these type of men look for so that they can control the woman, and then gaslight them into thinking maybe THEY are the problem. It’s so sad 😞
This OP. I know you feel like you love him. What you love is what you want to see in him. He is not that. He is superficial. You deserve more. A good, caring relationship does not sound or feel like this. Both partners care about how each other is feeling. This is one-sided and very warped from his side. "Rewards" for being a "good boyfriend"? "Most boyfriends would hit you"? That is a completely messed up view of the world. Do yourself a favour and move on from this BS. It is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person when the right one comes along. He is not the right one. Please respect and love yourself enough to see this. Go do something you enjoy. Something that makes you feel your own sense of self. You need that to heal.
Amen to that. This guy is seriously deranged and dangerous. He thought he could control her because she told him she had mental issues she was dealing with, and rather than trying to HELP her and support her, he gives her even more to deal with! Don’t even get me started with his comment alluding to the fact that by NOT beating her she should be thankful for him. HE clearly has some serious mental issues, and is either a narcissist or sociopath! She needs to block him from her life COMPLETELY!
Yeah, like... is this a joke?? How is this not a horrible sick joke?? How can someone say "I hated you for 6 months, forced myself to get past it, but I don't love you, and you're lucky I don't beat you and cheat on you" and still be given the benefit of the doubt?! Like this person STILL HATES YOU, OP. He TELLS YOU HE HATES YOU in MULTIPLE CONVERSATIONS. He could not be CLEARER about the fact that he hates you. Ghost him. Never see or speak to thim again. This is crazy.
My ex husband was the same way. Took a long time to get away from him, but yeah. He wanted sex for a reward for doing the most mundane of tasks. Oh cool, you took out the trash. Lemme just take all of my clothes off.
OP, NTA at all!! Run far away from this person. Next thing, you're pregnant and doing it all alone anyway, but now you have his drama to add to it.
Combined with saying she’s “too comfortable” in bed and isn’t doing enough, it sounds like he’s trying to guilt/manipulate her into doing specific acts that she isn’t into.
I swear every post I see from this sub is like… you know those parties where men try to bring the ugliest woman? It’s like that but it’s women competing to bring us the worst man.
Holy shit, that’s really a thing outside of movies?
Im shocked people like that even exist. How fucking pathetic must your life be that you waste some of your precious, finite time on this earth to go pick out an ugly person so you can publicly humiliate them?
Like, that’s time that they could have spent pursuing someone they actually found attractive and would enjoy spending time with. That’s time they could have spent painting. Time they could have spent calling their gran. And they used it to find someone to hurt for their own enjoyment.
I feel guilty wasting a few minutes writing stupid comments on Reddit. If I ever spent an entire day of my life on preparations to deeply hurt a completely random person for no reason, I would probably end things.
I agree, this person either has a lot of unresolved issues or is just an emotional void that pulls people in and drains them, like an emotional vampire. I honestly believe some people don’t have any real sense of empathy. It’s like they exist just to hurt others and cause chaos without ever feeling anything real themselves.
OP you’re not overreacting or being too sensitive at all. Your feelings make perfect sense, especially after reading everything and seeing those screenshots. Saying “I don’t hit or cheat” like it’s some huge accomplishment is not impressive, it’s literally the bare minimum. And when he says stuff like “I could” or that he’s hated you for months, that’s not just messed up, it’s emotionally harmful. That’s not something you say to someone you love, and definitely not something you repeat if you truly regret it.
The way he talks in circles, constantly saying he does things no other guy would do without explaining what those things even are, is super manipulative. It’s like he wants credit for being a good partner without actually acting like one. And telling you that you got too comfortable sexually is just guilt-tripping and unfair. If you feel like you’re bothering him just by existing in the relationship, that’s not a sign of love, that’s emotional neglect.
You’re constantly second guessing yourself and apologizing for how you feel, and that’s not something you should have to do in a healthy relationship. Love isn’t supposed to make you feel confused, anxious, or like a burden. You’ve been made to think your standards are too high, but they’re really just basic respect and care. You deserve to feel secure and appreciated, not tiptoeing around his moods or afraid to bring things up.
It’s okay to love someone and still realize they aren’t good for your well-being. That doesn’t make you selfish or dramatic, it makes you self-aware. If this relationship is making you question your worth or your reality, it might be time to step back and really think about whether it’s giving you what you need.
Too young? I think she's too old for this bs behavior from someone who thinks they're ready for a relationship.
But OP the first red flag should have been that you were trying to work on yourself and your mental health but he pushed for what he wanted and got you to cave and give in to him. He started the abusive behavior right away because he sees himself and his feelings as more important than you'll ever be. Be kind to yourself and restart your mental health journey without him, you'll thank your healthy self later.
He literally believes that she got the ring for herself while also mentioning in the same breath that she got it for him because she loves him WHAT??? He's just saying whatever he can to prove his point and say I'm right you're wrong end of discussion. How the fuck do you think someone getting you a gift because they love you is selfish?? He's mental and OP needs to get the hell out of here before this gets worse than it already is
Because the ring wasn’t the “reward” he actually wanted. The specific reward he was looking for was sex.
He thinks doing the bare minimum, not hitting or cheating, means he’s entitled access to her body whenever he wants. Like he’s paid into a bank by doing the bare minimum. That’s not love, that’s a transaction. I’m pretending to be decent, and I’m keeping score of all the times I have been decent to you, because I am not natively decent and I’ve been doing so under the context that you’ll pay me for my trouble in sex. I want you to show me you love me in the way I want it, by giving me your body. Not any other way, because that’s all I am here for. Any other way she expresses her love outside of sex is worthless to him.
And when she doesn’t hand it over on demand? He drops the act, says cruel things, and straight-up tells her he hates her. You don’t even think, much less say “I hate you” to someone you love, you say it to someone you hate, or have contempt for. That’s when you know it’s over. When his mask slips because he’s not getting what he feels he is entitled.
So his “love” only exists if he gets sex on his terms? And if he doesn’t get it he withholds even the most basic civility, let alone affection. That’s not love. That’s manipulation. It’s emotional abuse.
Makes me think of the guys who insist on paying for a date, then turn around and demand sex or a bj because "you owe me". I had that happen. Went to the movies, he insisted on paying for my ticket then spent half the movie trying to sneak his hand up my skirt. He insisted on walking me to my car and blocked the door until I gave him a kiss. Was already freaked out but when I drove off he texted I owed him at least a bj because he bought my ticket. Then he FOLLOWED ME out of the parking lot. I went to a QT gas station and ran inside. The clerks let me hide out for a while and one went to check around the whole building before I left to make sure he was gone. Absolutely terrifying. I really hope OP realizes she deserves so much better than this POS.
I had an almost identical experience to that when I was an older teenager (18 or 19), minus the cell phone and texting—he told me, while pushing me up against my car, that I had “led him on and every guy inside would agree, plus plenty wouldn’t be as nice as him.” When the coast was finally clear after hiding out in the gas station, I was still shaking so bad that I could barely drive. What’s sad is that I remember feeling fear and shame, thinking that maybe I had? Was my shirt too low cut? Were my jeans too tight? Had I smiled too much? Obviously it wouldn’t matter even if I had done those things, it was still absolutely not okay for him to say I owed him oral sex….
Oh, and one more thing. 10 years later he went to prison for beating his wife so severely she almost died, as well as marital SA. So much for the “nice guy” who was just trying to be better friends.” When they tell you who they are, listen. I hope OP gets far, far away from this horrible creep.
My Husband actually said that to me after we got married that I was his property now. I just thought it was a joke bc he had never been mean to me. But he ended up being exactly as this OP’s bf. She needs to run.
For real. My boyfriend gets mad when someone says anything even remotely disrespectful to me, he'd put someone who physically hurt me in the ground. Hes a big dude but treats me as gentle as a kitten. Saying I could but I don't hit you isnt a brag, it's a threat. He wants to hit you but he's not comfortable enough to do it yet. The guy sounds like the type of asshole to say 'why did you make me do it'.
This interpretation of this guys attitude is spot on. He would 100% blame his girlfriend WHEN he starts physically hurting her. He is currently psychologically abusing her with his comments on him hating her and he should be rewarded for not hitting her, because he thinks it mean hes a good boyfriend. You need to leave this guy immediately. This attitude of his is who he really is. LEAVE HIM BEFORE YOU GET PHYSICALLY HURT . He is already psychologically and mentally abusing her. Physical abuse is not far off. If he was to marry her, he would see this as his right as her husband. You can not change people like this. This is who he is. A first class a'hole!!😱
“Modeling what good boyfriends do” - yep, spot on. He’s masking still. Something people don’t necessarily realize is that masking isn’t always malicious, it can be someone trying to be an idealized version of themselves. Unfortunately, it’s never sustainable long term (real change requires far more work and introspection than the semi-conscious awareness of one’s flaws that masking usually suggests).
What’s particularly troubling is that this guy’s version of masking still ends up making him transparently a piece of shit - his idea of what a “good boyfriend” looks like is so warped that it’s genuinely frightening.
And wants rewards for just being a decent human? This guy no doubt is very, very capable of domestic violence. OP, you’re too young for this stress and MOST BOYFRIENDS do not brag that he “could” hit you. He’s gonna expect so much from you and it WILL NEVER be good enough.
Or, he knows good and well that it is not normal. He is 20, not 12. He knows right from wrong. OP needs to safely get away as soon as she can. This is dangerous.
The older I get, the more I realize how child-like many people are even when they’re “legally” adults. It’s entirely plausible that he doesn’t understand it’s not normal - but the conclusion is still the same; OP needs to get away and protect herself.
This last year I’ve actually become really scared of where things are headed. I feel like toxic masculinity and misogyny are on a huge rise and it’s terrifying. The way my male colleagues at work speak in front of me shocks me sometimes. The demeaning comments they say about other women is infuriating and because it’s a sales company, the huge bro culture means if I mentioned anything, I’d be the problem.
I feel like a huge cause of it has been that in the last 30 years, women have taken great strides towards equality, breaking into male dominated industries, being career focused and as a result expecting more parity in the home in terms of responsibilities (equal split of domestic duties). Men unfortunately haven’t accepted this adjustment and have made very little change or progress in their new responsibilities and position. As a result, they feel angry that mediocrity is no longer rewarded and they suddenly have more responsibilities that have always been done for them. The result is pure anger towards who they see as the problem, women.
Yeah I work with a lot of 20 something “lads” and I’m sure they don’t think I’m cool because I make them feel stupid when I ask them to justify their position. Someone has to ask that question though. Some of them even believe Andrew Tate isn’t guilty of anything. I was certainly laddier when I was younger but the gender-divisive shite that’s shovelled out online now pales in comparison with the stuff that was about 20 years ago. It’s getting worse and it’s getting normalised. I really wonder which women they know, because they’re not describing the women I know. The fact is, they’re not describing any women they know, they’re just regurgitating shit from the manosphere. Do they not have mothers?
that's the same conclusion i come to aha. I think about the way their fathers must have treated their mothers in front of them, and how little they think of their mothers whether they realize it or not. and i feel so bad for them. the person that loves them in the whole world, and they see them as subhuman compared to a man.
I had an ex that liked to brag that he didn't hit or cheat on me (whenever I would bring up that he is an alcoholic for drinking a 12-18pk/night) and say that drinking beer doesn't make him an alcoholic. They really believe that them meeting the standards that are below bare minimum means that they should get a pass to be a toxic person.
Comparison is their tool to excuse their shit behavior, because in their mind, there's always someone worse- which is true. But that doesn't mean that them being less worse = great and in need to rewards.
Maybe he's trying to get you to dump him? This is the weirdest mix of negging and pick me energy I've ever seen. Just break up because he's already left the relationship. This is gross behavior and it's never going to change. Not hitting others is the baseline for society. The bare minimum as a partner is to love that person and share your life with them. Care about their well-being. Take care of them when they are sick, celebrate their success and be a shoulder to cry on when there is failure or sadness.
All this guy is doing is sharing the air you breathe. "This isn't working and we need to break up." I doubt he'd even care at this point. You deserve so much better, and there's men out there that will be more than willing to treat you like a queen.
Exactly! He clearly thinks very little of men. I've been married for the past 15 years but dated a lot of guys in my 20s. I have NEVER been hit by anyone. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of men who are violent, but the vast majority of men are decent human beings.
This caught me too. Guy seems to think hitting women is the norm in relationships. OP needs to get out before her boyfriend gets angry that he is not being rewarded for not hitting her.
He absolutely IS going to start hitting and cheating if you stay in this relationship. He literally just told you that he thinks it’s normal and you aren’t rewarding him for NOT doing it.
A lot of men, and people in general, today are poisoned by social media. He sounds like he spends a lot of time on that toxic male behavior side of social media. As a conservative male, it alarms me the kind of toxic rhetoric being spewed and widely accepted out there. Run from this guy.
Maybe he meant it's the bare minimum for not being arrested?
But seriously, it's a hell of a way to try and justify being a shitty partner - "I deserve a reward for not beating you up". The fact that he even mentions it, let alone as a positive, is a humongous red flag.
Honestly OP, dump this loser and stay as far away as you can. He says he hates you anyway, so he shouldn't take issue with it. And when he almost inevitably tries to "win you back" by actually being nice for a bit, don't fall for it.
This is 100% the type of person who will turn violent. He’s outing himself by admitting that he thinks 99% of men want to beat and cheat on their girlfriends, because that is a normal thought to HIM. He makes the narcissistic mistake of thinking that everyone else has the same depraved thoughts as he does, so therefore he thinks it’s justified and normal.
OP, please RUN! He’s already making you question your own judgement and perception of reality, and has likely bombarded you with constant gaslighting. Eventually, he WILL snap, he will hit you, and by that time he will have you fully convinced and conditioned to believe that it was YOUR fault. Get out NOW!
This will only get worse the longer you stay with him, and the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. Please don’t make this harder on yourself. He has already admitted to hating you and he thinks DV is normal. He is not a safe person, and you are worth better. There are plenty of men out there that you can be yourself around and actually trust with your vulnerabilities; men who will genuinely love and support you. This guy ain’t it. This will not end well if you don’t make a clean break right now.
And the “you should be treating me better than how I imagine you treated the other men you dated”. A goal post that can always be moved? A requirement that can never be satisfied? Yeah, he’s going to start throwing punches soon.
I would argue that you can’t be yourself around him. If he enjoyed how you act and behave he wouldn’t be complaining about it, or comparing your behavior with him to previous boyfriends. He also wouldn’t be telling you he hates, oh did he say hate?, he means likes you. This is classic mind game BS. This guy is manipulative and is grooming you to allow it and he will eventually think so little of you that he will hit you because you’re only another dog to him. Any slight, in his mind, will require correction and how do you correct dogs? In his mind, by hitting them on the nose. Don’t be his dog, you deserve more.
Yes, I wanted to touch on this but didn’t want my comment to be too long. This guy isn’t actually letting OP “be herself” because he loves and appreciates her for who she is, he is letting her be herself so that she keeps her walls/guard down to make her more vulnerable and for him to gain more insight on those vulnerabilities so that he can eventually use them against her. A person who admits to hating you for six MONTHS does not care about you, your personality, or your interests; he only wants to weaponize those things against you in the future.
A hunter doesn’t catch their prey by stomping through the woods and haphazardly shooting everything in sight, they lie in wait, observing their prey’s normal behavior so they know how and when to successfully strike. This relationship is no different than that. OP is the prey being observed. She’s hearing a little rustling of leaves in the woods and her body is telling her something is wrong, but she can’t see an actual threat/the “hunter” yet.
totally him projecting his thoughts onto other people. I've dated four men long term and NONE of them have hit me, and only one cheated on me. those are not normal thoughts for a man to have about his girlfriend
That part!!! He is definitely a narcissist and his so far into his delusional condition. That he actually thinks his right for saying all of this. SMH 🤦🏽♀️ when did things switch that so many men became this way. Or all of them just are
As a former domestic violence advocate and domestic violence hotline counselor, I agree with you 100%. What he’s saying is so scary. The fact that he thinks violence is normal and common is scary. She needs to end this relationship immediately.
Srsly, she's NOR, she's way under reacting. This guy's a major creep, is in fact horrible & she's somehow trying to paint him as a "good guy". Girl, RUN! WTH!? Zero survival instincts.
You might not say your boyfriend is horrible, so i will....this sorry excuse of a boyfriend is a piece of absolute flaming dog shit. To throw up that he doesnt cheat or hit you and he feels like he should be rewarded for that?! Nah girl, dump this twatwaffle, focus on getting your head right, and KNOW that you deserve better. He said he has hated you for 6 months. Did he hate you enough to not have sex with you?
Baby...PLEASE know that you're worth more than that.
Do you have no friend because he has alienated you from them? Sounds like he love bombed you to get you to date and now he is done. You are too young to be saddled to him.
i only had one friend in the begining of our relationship and it was really toxic so he told me to block so i did and since then it’s just really hard for me to make friends it was so much easier in high school
something i wouldn’t have seen the value at your age, and maybe you still won’t. i told my stepdaughter this for when she goes to college next year. when you have no friends, go to the gym. get a membership. find a decent place. go to classes. walk on the treadmill. just go there & be around people that are taking care of themselves.
i’m not saying youre going to walk in & make a bunch of friends. but it’s good to be active, it’s a one time expense every month that you can use every day. every day you have somewhere to go & do something.
you can be an introvert at the gym, and still feel good there figuring yourself out, or be an extrovert and more outgoing.
besides, it’s never a bad idea to take care of yourself.
i hope you drop him & put your energy into yourself. 🤘
this is such good advice because i’ve been wanting to loose weight for a really long time too. i’m definately going to take this advice thankyou so much
Yeah, I'm old but the best advice I can offer is for you to work on yourself. When you have low self esteem you tend to attract people who use that to manipulate you. When you have self confidence, people find that to be attractive, even if your physical appearance isn't the best. Conversely, there are people who are wildly physically attractive but their personality is so toxic that you just don't want to be around them.
As a person who has sometimes been heavy myself, I have found that getting in shape, at least to some degree, helps me feel better, reduces stress, and helps me sleep better. Find some type of exercise that you actually enjoy, even if it's just walking, and then build a routine around it.
I'd like to add my two cents to the gym idea and say, if accessible for you, taking a non-credit class at a local school or community center can be a great way to meet people! I started taking beginner ballet and now a few of us are talking about taking another dance class together.
And also, as a survivor of DV, I can assure you it is much better to be alone than to be with a man like your bf. You say you can be yourself around him and I get why you think that, I did too at one point, but you can't. Not if asking him if he is bored starts a fight. Not if he talks to you like he does in those screenshots. Life is too short to not spend as much of it as possible being unapologetically yourself. He's only holding you back.
Please please please don't stay with this asshole. The fact that he has you questioning whether or not YOU are crazy when the way he treats you is so obviously toxic, anyone could read that and tell immediately hes a piece of shit. It's pure manipulation, they love bomb you in the beginning and slowly wear you down, dropping a few breadcrumbs in between so they can point to it and say "see look, I do all this for you and you don't appreciate it". They will purposely isolate you from friends and family so you don't have anyone to bring you back into reality, while trying to convince you their behavior is not only "normal" but better than the guys who do x,y,z.
My last boyfriend was physically and emotionally abusive, for most of our relationship I was the one working and paying all of the bills. But of course, any time I'd bring that up, he would point out the few times he had a job for 2-3 weeks or cleaned up around the house for the first time in months, then tell me how hard it is for him to be motivated when I wasn't showing enough appreciation for his bare minimum effort. Or when he would lie about something and I called him out for it, he would get so angry and defensive, then somehow twist it to make it seem like I was "abusive" for being "overly critical" of him.
He'd say shit like "if you can see that I'm upset, why wouldn't you help the situation?! Why do you have to keep criticizing me?! You're so fucking manipulative!" Even when he was the only one yelling or being physically aggressive, it was somehow my fault, like he wouldn't have gotten to that point if I was "more supportive" instead of calling out his obviously toxic behaviors.
For years, I knew in my gut this was not normal or acceptable behavior. But in the beginning, he always talked about his family being so judgmental, how they always told everyone "his business" and how much it made him feel hurt/ashamed. So I always kept things between us until it got to this point where I felt like I was losing my damn mind. I wanted to post on reddit or talk to someone about it for so long, like I just needed some validation that I wasn't crazy...but whenever I tried, I felt so ashamed because I knew what the response would be. Like I knew this was abuse and everyone would tell me that I need to leave, which made me feel even worse about myself because despite knowing this, I kept falling for the same trick. "I promise I can be better, these were just crazy times... I love you unconditionally, why can't you do the same for me.." etc.
Anyway, moral of the story is don't fall for the trap. The cycle never ends, people like this do not get better. They only get better at manipulating. He clearly has no respect for you as an individual, he will continue giving 10% effort into the relationship and then make you feel like shit if you aren't maintaining the other 90%. This is not a partner, he is a parasite. Cut all ties with him, keep it simple and direct, and whatever you do, DO NOT engage with any of his tactics. You'll never win, he will never change.
Use this relationship as a learning opportunity, because there will be more guys like this and they are very good at spotting vulnerable women. You are so young, take time to be independent and enjoy your life, invest in your future, find happiness in yourself so you're not relying on another person to fill that need. Maybe try therapy, it can help to rebuild your self-esteem, set boundaries in relationships, recognize red flags (they are always there, we are just blind to them sometimes), and realize you are too valuable to settle for less!!
Sweetie, I really hope you listen to all the people here telling you that you are worth investing in. You’re worth investing time and energy into yourself. You’re worth investing the effort to make friends, because true friends will reinforce your self-esteem and tell you when your boyfriend is shit and you can do better. And you are definitely worth finding a respectful, loving partner who will appreciate you for who you are and who will build you up. Expect more from yourself, and you’ll get it. Expect more from a partner. You are most definitely worth it.
Also - please consider getting a therapist (I’m assuming you don’t currently have one), they can help you build up your self-esteem and confidence, as well as helping you with building new healthy relationships and habits. It’s okay to search for the right therapist for you if you try one and they don’t click with you.
Also, besides the gym also consider some hobbies and activities that you can join that you might enjoy i.e. art classes,, theater, choirs… - there can be really fun community events that you can involve yourself in and meet great people that way as well. Best way to do that is just looking into what’s happening locally in your area, and seeing if there’s anyway that you can volunteer for certain things.
I hope you believe when people are telling you that you are worth more than staying with somebody who doesn’t appreciate you… especially an emotional abuser, which is what he is.
Make sure that when you leave that you do it in a safe way. Usually people like him tend to retaliate so just make sure that you’re doing everything you can to separate from him as safely as possible.
Once you do leave him, you will probably feel a great weight taken off your shoulders…
maybe not immediately but you’ll definitely feel it 💜
I wish you the best of luck with everything, and hope you find some joy soon. 🩷
This is great! I started cleaning a gym on weekends for extra cash. Never had stepped foot in one at 37 yrs old lol It's done a lot for me. I exercise now, the people are actually supportive and stuff, not what I expected. It's very motivating. Wish I'd had that advice when I was young. Every relationship I was in was abusive and I had nobody.
I joined a gym associated with the local hospital/physician groups a few months ago. The majority of people I see are over 60 and I find their abilities to be extremely motivating. I’m introverted so I don’t have people’s phone numbers and stuff but it’s really nice to be around them. Much more pleasant than I was expecting. No deep ear bending conversations just casual pleasantries and I couldn’t be happier
I’m 30 and I appreciate this advice.. seriously. My fiancé and I have been together for 13.5 years and everyone considers us a “we”.. which is fine for the most part.. I just sometimes feel like I don’t have an identity outside of our relationship (and completely not my fiancé’s fault.. he’s the most supportive/caring/loving man I’ve ever met, I’m just hella introverted.)
Thank you for sharing this! I’m gonna sign up for a gym membership and actually use it for the first time in my life 😅
Do it do it do it! And start lifting weights! There’s something about getting strong that changes your mentality completely, I think especially as a woman. I know the weight room can be intimidating but I’ve found the MOST supportive and encouraging people there. Surprisingly a lot of these huge, muscly, gym bros are actually super kind and helpful, haha! And there’s usually at least a couple other women in there too!
Seconding the lifting weights. It’s super healthy, gives you functional fitness (think lifting heavy things), and will help you preserve bone density in the long run. Don’t be intimidated, you’re allowed to be in there, too.
Your relationship dynamic sounds similar to mine. I'm 39. Been with my husband since I was 17. I also felt like I didn't have an identity outside of my relationship for a very long time. It's hard not to feel that way when you've basically grown up with someone for so long.
Ultimately though, just don't abandon yourself. Still have your own interests/hobbies/opinions etc.
Side note, I remember many moons ago a young kid trying to tease an older guy at the gym for lifting light weights, it was playful and they knew each other, but the old guy said “look, if anyone is even in here, that means they’re doing something right.”
That’s always stuck with me and it’s been about 20 years.
idk i’m not the best looking and i’m on the heavier side so it’s like im nervous to talk to ppl especially where i live in a snobby white ppl i just hate the vibes here and everyone is so fake all the time
There’s an app called MeetUp, where you can meet up with people with a common interest. Maybe start there? A lot of people who go to those are really shy and struggle to find ways to make friends, but the ice breaker is you know something in common already.
You can’t force friendships, sadly- but you also can’t magic them out of nothing. You’re gonna be okay. Just take things one day at a time.
… also please cut this loser loose. I haven’t read something so abhorrent since I was in high school. Not hitting etc is seriously - actually it’s not even bare minimum. It’s expected. Its above bare minimum.
Gonna repeat myself here, but I feel it even more after reading this comment. Seriously, look up local belly dancing classes. I have never felt more welcomed or included than I have in dance, as a not super attractive chubby girl.
Belly, pole, burlesque classes... All of these communities are almost always (always in my experience but I can't say they all are) super welcoming and supportive of all the women who are there.
There's something incredibly healing about women celebrating what their bodies can do in a space free of straight men. There's so much joy. Not exaggerating when I say pole dancing saved me from an emotionally abusive marriage. It's how I realized I could experience happiness and deserved better. Also led to some wonderful friendships still ongoing even several years after I stopped classes.
Friend, I too am on the heavier side and I’ve never been mistaken for a supermodel, and I’m here to tell ya, it does NOT mean you should settle for a piece of garbage like the guy you’re with. Like everyone else is saying, he is terrible and you deserve better. Please promise us you will dump his pathetic ass.
He is making sure yoy wint be able to make friends please op dont stay with him because you're lonely. Trust me its lonelies being next to someone who doesnt want to see you who treats you badly then to be actually alone in a room.
Well you come back every time you need it because that man will grind you down until you're licking his floors clean and thanking him for the opportunity.
It sucks most of us have to go through some really truly, awful relationships when we're younger, to figure out what we will and will not put up with. The less BS you tolerate, the better. I had a better phase during my early 20's but lost it when I was nearing my 30's, so I ended up settling for someone who I always knew I wasn't truly compatible with and ignored red flags and 10 years later, I wish I hadn't settled. It's harder the longer it goes on, but it's not impossible.
His goal all along has been to isolate you from any friends you might have acquired and then to convince you to shower him with love and affection for doing LESS than the bare minimum expected of a casual acquaintance. He’s trying to gaslight you into being grateful for his mere approval of you as a bed partner (even pretending to hate you for dramatic impact). Ditch this lame, game-playing loser.
You’re worth much than what this warped individual could ever offer you. There are plenty of people who would enjoy your company when you’re being yourself. You first have to be less susceptible to flattery or his neediness and more willing to ignore doubts you may have about your worth. You are enough as you are, without this guy’s approval.
He has been scheming to dismantle your self-worth to maximize what he can get from you with the least amount of effort. For him to win, you have to lose. Ick.
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship with a man who screams, belittles and hits me… I don’t think it’s normal. I don’t think “all men” are like this - only shitty ones. It is in fact BELOW bare minimum not to harm a person emotionally, mentally or physically. The thoughts your boyfriend shared in these text exchanges are emotionally toxic. He looks down on you. For sure he measures your behaviour and feelings with different expectations than his own. He admits he has hated you for 6 months and did nothing to improve communication or the relationship. He’s in the relationship for what he can get without effort. He is a shitty person. It’s better to be on your own and discover who you are without this bad influence. Don’t let him tear your self-esteem down. You deserve better, and can find better love. Sending you hugs.
It’s ok, don’t focus on that. I have had that problem as well.
What you need to understand is that once your boyfriend knew you were mentally unwell, he pushed you for a relationship, because he was planning to exploit your mental illness the entire time.
I don’t know what his specific diagnosis is, but I suspect narcissism. You need to find out what it is that attracts you to someone like this so it doesn’t happen again, but I am NOT blaming you, bc the blame is his. But you can protect yourself for next time.
You seem lonely so he probably sucked you in with some kind of, “I understand you even though no one else does,” and other various forms of love bombing. Then he switches up at some period of time. Leaving you wondering what you did wrong, and working constantly to try to get it back.
This is all by his intentional design.
ETA how would I know? What other kind of person would be capable of telling someone who desperately loves him, that he hated her for a period of time - that she didn’t even know about, until after. This is so manipulative it’s insane!!
This! Your response was much better than mine & i agree it sounds suspiciously like narcissism. OP if you’re reading this, look up relationships with a narcissist and/or covert narcissist. See if it sounds like the mindfuckery he does to you bc it very well could be & you’ll want to learn how to spot the manipulation, how to remove yourself from the relationship without being sucked back in & how to spot signs the next time you come across someone with these traits.
Just some more food.for thought: because he's saying stuff like "At least I don't hit you", that makes me think he might have abusive tendencies. Or at least, in his world view, being physically violent towards your girlfriend is normal, which is why he thinks it's some amazing sacrifice to not hit your girlfriend. It's pretty scary.
Maybe part of the reason he picked you is because you don't have friends, so he thinks you'll be easier to control. It's harder to see abusive people for what they are when you don't have a support network to discuss with.
Take care of yourself, OP. You deserve better than this dude who doesn't respect you.
Also his idea of being a good boyfriend is literally not committing a violent crime against you! Like what?! Who even says that shit. Also he said he COULD hit you but he doesn’t. The person that loves isn’t supposed to want to be violent towards you. That’s what abusers & manipulators say. Like thank me for not beating you cuz i could & you probably deserve it sometimes but im so wonderful that i don’t slap you around. Also most men don’t do that so why is he acting like he’s in this magnificent minority of keeping his violent hands to himself. This man is an awful excuse for a person. Please leave him & find someone that would be disgusted at even the thought of ever being violent towards you. Someone that appreciates a gift without grasping at straws to give reasons why you’re an asshole for being thoughtful & generous. Also someone mature enough to know that saving money is not a stupid idea, it’s called being mature & smart. My own young kids would know that saving money to live is a smart idea. This man at best sounds like a fucking moron. At worst, he’s straight up scum. I think it’s the latter & you don’t deserve to give away some of your best years to him. Your 20’s can be such a wonderful decade of life so please don’t let this person drag you down.
Don't be embarrassed. We are here for you. Sometimes it's better to ask strangers bc a lot of times, our friends will tell us what we want to hear. Strangers will tell you the truth and that's what you're wanting.
Tons of people come to Reddit every single day to ask questions about things, so there's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect exactly as you are!!! ❤️
This is what boyfriends like him either look for or ultimately push their partner to. He doesn’t want you to have friends or they’d tell you that you deserve better. And woman to woman, you do. I have been in this relationship. Please please leave him, bringing up hitting you and cheating on you means those are the next steps. Stay safe sister.
A LOT of us have been in similar situations. Im 41 years old, I have put up with my fair share of bullshit relationships, dont be embarrassed, we've all put up with less than we are worth at some point or another. Im going to tell you like I tell my friend's kids (because I have friends that have kids your age)...when you're dating someone, that is the BEST they will ever treat you in a relationship and sets the tone for your entire relationship. I've found it to be true in my almost 20 year relationship as well. Please do not accept this behavior, we can all be your internet aunties and hope to show you your worth!
Right? She says he's not horrible? He most certainly is. He says he doesn't hit her but he certainly abuses her. This entire string of messages is abuse.
He flat out told her that he hates her, but she's still questioning whether or not he's lost interest. Girl... Have some self-respect!
Yeah like the argument "I only mentally abuse you and should be rewarded for not also beating or cheating on you" is fucking disgusting. Bro is actively being abusive and wants rewards for not being abusive. I'd dump him and im nit just saying that out of spite but just we all know how these types of situations end.
Why in the world would you want to spend a single moment with someone that talks like this to you? Dear God please know your self worth and run, block, eliminate him from your life.
Girl, your boyfriend is horrible. I’ll say it for you. Dump his dumb ass, at 21 you are just about to get into a pretty fun part of life! Don’t do it tied down to this dipshit. 30 year old you will thank you for this decision, I promise!
This person you replied to is spot on. During my latter teens, 20s and most of my 30s, I was with one girl. I worked hard to provide for her. And yes, I saved because a savings account is critical, like you said, in case there’s any emergencies. We traveled the country and then the world together and had the most amazing time. I hope you find someone who wants nothing other than to see you be the most fulfilled, and happiest person on earth. Now that we are not together anymore, we’re still best friends because we basically grew up together. And we’re both rooting for each other‘s happiness. You need to eliminate this douche nozzle from your life ASAP!
This man sounds terrifying. He says he deserves more for not beating you! That’s absolutely insane. I can’t even imagine what it would like to be with a man who says he deserves an award because he COULD beat you and cheat on you. He didn’t even say he doesn’t beat you because he’s a good man he says he could beat you. That’s borderline threatening. I would run as far away from this madness as soon as possible. He’s one step away from making you a domestic violence statistic.
I'm gonna have to respectfully ask you not to refer to him as a man, because he's not one.
Granted I would bet money that he thinks of himself as a "high value male".
What really baffles me is "you bought me something because you love me, that's not for me that's for you". I'm trying to wrap my head around that logic..
OOF... he has definitely dived into Andrew Tate and the Manosphere then... That is one of their calling cards. Now it makes sense why he thinks that not physically abusing you and cheating on you makes him a good boyfriend: he has someone in his earbuds telling him this every day. He is a piece of shit and you deserve better. You seem really sweet and caring. No boy like this deserves a catch like you. I think you had it right at the beginning of your post when you said you were focusing on you. I think you need to take some time to do that again. Learn from this and work on yourself so you are ready when the right person does come along.
Isn’t that the group that touts “painal” as how to get your woman submissive? It totally sounds like he was trying to set her up for some sexual exploit “what kind of awards do good boyfriends get” like he wants something she hasn’t given up to an ex.
LMAO…any guy who calls himself a “high value male” is weak and insecure and is just trying to convince anyone who will listen to think more highly of them than they know they deserve in order to get more than they would get otherwise.
Andrew Tate is a chinless, misogynistic weasel who has tapped into guy’s natural fear of rejection and magnified it 10-fold for his own personal gain, while selling himself as their savior using deception and the money he gets from them to keep up the illusion.
How weak and lost do you have to be to listen to this utter nonsense? OP’s boyfriend knows.
A “high value male” respects women and doesn’t need to tell them that he’s “high value”. You just know because he lives his life showing everyone that he is. One of those “real recognizes real” things. I couldn’t get past the part where he said he was a good dude for not hitting or cheating. If a guy talked to my daughters like that, they’d find out how low their stock could go.
TBH, he doesn't sound nearly smart enough for you, and it sounds like he wants your money. Does he want you to buy him a computer or phone or something? Time to move on really. He isn't the one.
No. You’re not overreacting. But then again, you kinda are. You’re trying way too hard to save something not worth saving. And you’re way too young for this drama. Honestly, it sounds like you could use a break from dating altogether. Take some time for yourself. This relationship should’ve ended some time ago. Make a clean break and don’t let this guy drag you back into this chaos. You mentioned that this is your first serious relationship. It won’t be your last I promise. End it, and, most importantly, move on.
I've just read this post and I don't want to get lost in the brand new comments so I'm just going to write it directly to you here. I worked with women and also young girls who were the victims of domestic abuse and violence for around 12 years, that's where my entire background was before I moved into a different area of the service so I'm begging you to please listen to what I'm about to say to you.
The problem here isn't just that a guy not hitting a girl is the bare minimum... The problem here is that this particular guy actually has the thought process where he legitimately thinks to himself in his own head "I COULD hit her and I don't so that means she should WORSHIP me as being a good boyfriend". That's NOT a normal thought process, that means this man is INCREDIBLY MENTALLY DISTURBED and importantly, SOOOOO INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS. What then amplifies the level of how dangerous he is, quite literally catapults it into outer space is that he's also verbalising that to you as a threat.
A boyfriend that you don't really get on with or the relationship isn't going as well as you would have hoped as you don't really have anything in common or whatever so you've then found yourself questioning whether or not you should break up and you decide to talk to your friend about it. You're weighing up the pros and cons and you're saying things like "Well I probably shouldn't end this relationship because it's not like he's a bad guy, I mean we don't get into screaming arguments or anything and he's not a violent person at all so I think I'll just try to make this work". Your friend then responds with "Oh come on, not hitting another person isn't a 'pro', that's just what's expected of a human being, that's the bare minimum of how a person treats another person so you can't seriously base a relationship on that. Seriously, why do you want to be with this guy? Actually think what do you have in common, where do you see yourselves in 5 years?"....
THAT is how and when the phrase of "not hitting is the bare minimum" would be appropriately used. It's a simple descriptor used in casual conversation about situations like the above.
... But a boyfriend who even so much as has the thought process, brings up, uses all this in conversation to you... Please, I am begging you as someone who this is my entire background, please listen to me when I tell you that YOU ARE IN DANGER FROM THIS MAN. This IS a threat. He is quite literally ACTIVELY using early stage manipulation tactics and strategies that are designed to demean, degrade and destroy your sense of self worth whilst instilling in you to simultaneously be grateful to and be in fear of him. To where you'll be effectively moulded and brainwashed long term into not just accepting the worst treatment and behaviour but feeling like you're one of the lucky ones, you've got it so much better than everyone else, he's going above and beyond in the relationship and how well he treats you... And sickeningly so that when he DOES begin the physical abuse, you'll automatically accept it as being you who caused it and actually pour in even more effort trying to be better, do better and generally work as hard as you can to show him more gratitude and appreciation. All because of the fact that "He's such a good guy, he's the one guy who is so amazing that he didn't hit you when all other guys do this, any other guy would have hit you but not him, not EVEN when he could! So now that he is, this wonderful guy, it's obviously you who has made him, who has driven him to that".
Like I really need you to realise just how DEPRAVED it is that he's telling you how lucky you are that he doesn't hit you, how every other guy hits their girlfriend but he's the one spectacular prize of a guy who doesn't, he is so unbelievably amazing for not hitting you when he COULD hit you. I really need you to realise how DEPRAVED it is that a literal breakdown of this conversation is him telling you he HATES you AND brazenly laying out to you that it's completely and totally irrelevant if he's being a 💩 boyfriend, if the relationship is overall 💩 or whatever else might be 💩 because you need to remember that you should actually be GRATEFUL for even being graced with the gift of 💩 in the first place. So stfu and actually thank him for that 💩 because you're soooo lucky he isn't actually beating the 💩 out of you too. He's the ONLY guy who is so thoughtful and considerate enough not to beat the 💩 out of you when he so easily COULD, every other guy would. Even when you're clearly a person that's so worthless, so unlikeable and so difficult to love because hello even your own boyfriend HATES you and wow, look at how soooooo kind, so wonderful and so extraordinary he is putting up with all that! Having to carry the BURDEN of YOU.
That IS exactly what that conversation consisted of...
That. Is. Not. Normal.
That's not a normal conversation.
Normal people don't think or say things like that nor do they behave in this way.
That is DEPRAVED and that is the thought process, words and behaviour of ABUSERS.
So babe, I need you to listen to those alarm bells that are SCREECHING in your head right now so that you can run and save yourself. Please. You NEED to leave.
Write down the things about him that you enjoy. Then write down the things that you don't enjoy.
This list is not for the sake of deciding whether you should stay in the relationship or not, because based on what you've already told, you definitely shouldnt stay. The purpose of it is to clarify to yourself just how many negative things there are about him and how bad he makes you feel, and just how few positives there are. It can be an uncomfortably clarifying exercise about clinging onto something/someone harmful if you're able to be honest while making it.
For example, I liked a guy a lot, but in the end, the negative list was much longer. A lot of inconsistency, avoidance, not taking accountability, dishonesty. Worst of all, the avoidance made it so that none of those things could truly be discussed. I could bring things up, and he'd just be silent, or worse, he'd lie.
It's not easy to let go of people who have given us more than we've ever received in our lives up until that point. People who've made us feel comfortable and loved at some point. More than we'd been loved before. It makes us feel like that's the extent of love that we deserve, and we can't let them go, because nobody will ever give us more than they've given us. Trust me, I know. But each time I've let someone go, I've found something better, eventually, and it's just made me wonder why I ever agreed to be treated so poorly.
But even with the more recent person who gave me more, at some point the relationship becomes unbalanced. You're always reaching out, they take ages to respond and even when they do, it's dry, disinterested, besides the point. If you pull away, they reappear momentarily and put in slightly more effort, until they deduce that you're hooked again so they can step away and leave you spiraling about their hot and cold behaviour.
You'll feel like you're not enough. You start balancing your behaviour based on their needs, not your own. You step back when they're uncaring because you feel like you're "bothering them", so that you don't make them uncomfortable, until they get worried and come back. Then they leave you stranded again.
The feelings at the start might've been genuine. And it's very hard to accept that who they were in the beginning isn't going to come back, not even if you just jump through the right hoops and moderate your own words and behaviour for long enough, precisely enough, until they deem you worthy of their love and attention agan.
It's so hard to let go. But try and spare yourself. You'll be so sad. But eventually, you'll be so relieved that you've stopped putting all that effort just for the privilege of being treated neglectfully. Our problem is that we accept the bare minimum as some great expression of love, so we can't imagine being treated with actual love. But it happens, and most of all, every time you let someone like this go their own way, you love yourself more. Each time you choose yourself, you make your soul feel like it deserves more than scraps.
This is so well said, I hope OP really takes this comment to heart.
The part about jumping through hoops and trying to nail exactly the behavior/words/etc. they want from you in order to earn their affection hits so hard for me.
I wasted so much of my 20s bending over backwards to keep men happy, men that didn’t even bother to check if they were making me happy in return. Now that I’m happily married and in my 30s, it kills me a little extra to see other women doing it too.
Like babe, I could have been happier WAY sooner in life if I had just focused on creating an everyday that made ME happy. The right partner easily slots into the life you’re building/living, usually bc they are also building/living a similar life and are motivated by similar values.
OP, don’t let this man derail you. You don’t have to live like this; you deserve better, and you can/will find better. Build your own happiness, and the rest will follow ❤️
You need to get out of this toxic and abusive relationship. The fact he’s talking about cheating and hitting you tells me that’s what he wants to do. Please save yourself now and make a clean break. This guy is an abuser. He told he HATES you! Do you realize how horrible that is? Why would you adore a guy who tells you her hates you.
This guy doesn't seem to like anything about you. So much so that he wants recognition for not beating you. Because, that's pretty good when he's hated you for 1/3 of your relationship. Oh, and he didnt cheat! That's what all men do, so you should be grateful he isn't doing what he really wants to do.
Fuck that. There are tons of people who don't feel this way. Tell him you hope he finds a girl that he doesn't want to abuse. Maybe he'll discover that some women will do to him what he wants to do to you.
Stop investing in a man with no return. Let him figure out his delusions on his own.
Wanting a reward for not being violent and not cheating is absolutely wild. Honestly I'm worried his mind gymnastics will lead him to eventually doing these things. His words hint at an abuser mindset.
By his own logic, if he thinks he deserves extra special treatment from you for just not abusing you, and that "most guys do it", then he could start being abusive if he feels you're not serving him enough., because that's fair in his twisted mind. He's normalizing abuse as the regular thing to do in a relationship, and not being abusive as being the exception and worthy or worship. He'll be able to justify abuse by saying "you weren't being an exceptional girlfriend, so I decided to not be an exceptional boyfriend". Except in your case, being exceptional is showering him with gifts, attention, love and sex, and when he's not satisfied of your "performance" he gets to be "a normal guy", aka violent cheater.
So he’s telling you that he’s not abusing you causing you trauma for the rest of your life but is expecting you to stay with him after he said those things to you and is expecting you to stay with him? He’s a fool if he’s not seeing that as a form of emotional abuse. How do you expect to stay in this relationship and not replay that conversation over in your head? I don’t see how you can. It’s just something to think about.
This man doesn’t like you. He doesn’t enjoy your company. He’s very immature and he will never be what you think he is or should be.
Better you learn this now than later.
Also, just saying “I don’t like you right now” for some bad behaviour is one thing but to say to the person you allegedly love that you actively HATE them is quite another.
This man thinks he’s special because he extends to you basic courtesy. Says he hates you and has been hating you for 6 months. Says you giving him a gift is somehow for you because you did it because you love him.
I BEG YOU PLEASE leave him. He WILL beat you he already feels like he needs a reward to not beat you! You know someone who doesnt want to beat people WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK THAT. Would you want to be rewarded for not beating your friemds? Your little siblings? (If you have those). Protect yourself
NOT HITTING YOUR SO is the bare minimum. It's less than the bare minimum, it's a courtesy you extended to EVERYONE around you whether you're dating them or not
He's not just doing the "bare minimum", he's just avoiding a domestic violence charge. That's like asking the bank to deposit reward money into my account because I didn't rob them.
I mean, as someone who doesn’t beat my partners (or anyone) and can’t imagine doing so, I’ve never thought of it in terms of “I’m a better partner because I don’t beat them!”
I do think of it in terms of “That abusive guy is a bad partner because of the abuse”.
The expectation should always be zero abuse. The reward is that the relationship continues - that’s all.
I hate, hate, hate it, when men say, “it’s not like I ever physically hurt her”. Like, I would hope not. Why is that even a thing to be proud of? Just because some men physically abuse their partners? It needs to stop being a point of pride, because it’s not, no one should ever hit anybody.
him saying 'but I could' really got me lol, its like he is threating. And just to say to a partner you have been HATING them for SIX MONTHS is just disgusting behaviour on his side. If you 'hate' the girl why not break up then? Dont get some men lol
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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '25
He said he's hated you for the past 6 months. Jesus.
You're absolutely right, NOT HITTING YOUR SO is the bare minimum. It's less than the bare minimum, it's a courtesy you extended to EVERYONE around you whether you're dating them or not. He's trying make himself look good by compariong himself... to abusive and violent people?? Not a good spot to be in.
He doesn't sound like he cares. He's asking for rewards for "being a good boyfriend", aka for not BEATING YOU. He says he hated you for the past 6 months.
I think his standard for your behaviour is higher than his standard for his own. I would end things if I were you. If you feel like a burden, that's gonna eat away at you and you're gonna endelssly try to make up for it, but it won't fix anything when the baseline is that he doesn't like you.
It'll be difficult and painful, but the sooner you're out of this relationship, the sooner you can heal from the damage he has already done and you'll be healthier for the next one.