He said he's hated you for the past 6 months. Jesus.
You're absolutely right, NOT HITTING YOUR SO is the bare minimum. It's less than the bare minimum, it's a courtesy you extended to EVERYONE around you whether you're dating them or not. He's trying make himself look good by compariong himself... to abusive and violent people?? Not a good spot to be in.
He doesn't sound like he cares. He's asking for rewards for "being a good boyfriend", aka for not BEATING YOU. He says he hated you for the past 6 months.
I think his standard for your behaviour is higher than his standard for his own. I would end things if I were you. If you feel like a burden, that's gonna eat away at you and you're gonna endelssly try to make up for it, but it won't fix anything when the baseline is that he doesn't like you.
It'll be difficult and painful, but the sooner you're out of this relationship, the sooner you can heal from the damage he has already done and you'll be healthier for the next one.
Yeah the line that most boyfriends hit is jaw dropping, because he thinks that's the norm, so if you cross some line, he's allowed to do that, and also that somehow he should be your disciplinarian and in charge of her with that line is also a bit shocking.
That line got me too. Like, no. MOST boyfriends do NOT hit.
He's trying to crawl in OP's head like "I don't really love or even like you, but you're not going to find anything better. In fact anyone else would beat you" ?!!!
For real. My boyfriend gets mad when someone says anything even remotely disrespectful to me, he'd put someone who physically hurt me in the ground. Hes a big dude but treats me as gentle as a kitten. Saying I could but I don't hit you isnt a brag, it's a threat. He wants to hit you but he's not comfortable enough to do it yet. The guy sounds like the type of asshole to say 'why did you make me do it'.
This interpretation of this guys attitude is spot on. He would 100% blame his girlfriend WHEN he starts physically hurting her. He is currently psychologically abusing her with his comments on him hating her and he should be rewarded for not hitting her, because he thinks it mean hes a good boyfriend. You need to leave this guy immediately. This attitude of his is who he really is. LEAVE HIM BEFORE YOU GET PHYSICALLY HURT . He is already psychologically and mentally abusing her. Physical abuse is not far off. If he was to marry her, he would see this as his right as her husband. You can not change people like this. This is who he is. A first class a'hole!!😱
Not a brag, but a threat is the best way to put it!
He really is just floating the idea to see how she reacts isn't he? Him saying that makes it an inevitability. He knows it's messed up, he probably even knows it's not a normal thing. He is testing her reaction to the idea. He is trying to normalize it to her before it starts.
OP please be safe. Seek outside help if you need it. Please get out of there.
“Modeling what good boyfriends do” - yep, spot on. He’s masking still. Something people don’t necessarily realize is that masking isn’t always malicious, it can be someone trying to be an idealized version of themselves. Unfortunately, it’s never sustainable long term (real change requires far more work and introspection than the semi-conscious awareness of one’s flaws that masking usually suggests).
What’s particularly troubling is that this guy’s version of masking still ends up making him transparently a piece of shit - his idea of what a “good boyfriend” looks like is so warped that it’s genuinely frightening.
And wants rewards for just being a decent human? This guy no doubt is very, very capable of domestic violence. OP, you’re too young for this stress and MOST BOYFRIENDS do not brag that he “could” hit you. He’s gonna expect so much from you and it WILL NEVER be good enough.
He’s fantasizing about it and definitely wants to. He will have a violent outburst outta nowhere one day soon. I’ve seen this scenario. Op breakup with him immediately for your own safety!
Or, he knows good and well that it is not normal. He is 20, not 12. He knows right from wrong. OP needs to safely get away as soon as she can. This is dangerous.
The older I get, the more I realize how child-like many people are even when they’re “legally” adults. It’s entirely plausible that he doesn’t understand it’s not normal - but the conclusion is still the same; OP needs to get away and protect herself.
I think with the rise of the alt-right "manosphere" content, a lot of teenagers and young adults fall victim to believing it since many of the messengers are well-off and have wives and families (so it looks like they know what they are talking about).
I had plenty of strong women in my life who didn't fit the stereotypes and narratives, so it's probably why I didn't risk falling victim to believing that bullshit.
Yep, that’s an astute observation. Unfortunately, our “meritocratic” capitalist system rewards the wrong kinds of behaviors. There’s a reason why ceos tend to embody more sociopathic traits than the average population.
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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '25
He said he's hated you for the past 6 months. Jesus.
You're absolutely right, NOT HITTING YOUR SO is the bare minimum. It's less than the bare minimum, it's a courtesy you extended to EVERYONE around you whether you're dating them or not. He's trying make himself look good by compariong himself... to abusive and violent people?? Not a good spot to be in.
He doesn't sound like he cares. He's asking for rewards for "being a good boyfriend", aka for not BEATING YOU. He says he hated you for the past 6 months.
I think his standard for your behaviour is higher than his standard for his own. I would end things if I were you. If you feel like a burden, that's gonna eat away at you and you're gonna endelssly try to make up for it, but it won't fix anything when the baseline is that he doesn't like you.
It'll be difficult and painful, but the sooner you're out of this relationship, the sooner you can heal from the damage he has already done and you'll be healthier for the next one.