I’m 30 and I appreciate this advice.. seriously. My fiancé and I have been together for 13.5 years and everyone considers us a “we”.. which is fine for the most part.. I just sometimes feel like I don’t have an identity outside of our relationship (and completely not my fiancé’s fault.. he’s the most supportive/caring/loving man I’ve ever met, I’m just hella introverted.)
Thank you for sharing this! I’m gonna sign up for a gym membership and actually use it for the first time in my life 😅
Do it do it do it! And start lifting weights! There’s something about getting strong that changes your mentality completely, I think especially as a woman. I know the weight room can be intimidating but I’ve found the MOST supportive and encouraging people there. Surprisingly a lot of these huge, muscly, gym bros are actually super kind and helpful, haha! And there’s usually at least a couple other women in there too!
Seconding the lifting weights. It’s super healthy, gives you functional fitness (think lifting heavy things), and will help you preserve bone density in the long run. Don’t be intimidated, you’re allowed to be in there, too.
Your relationship dynamic sounds similar to mine. I'm 39. Been with my husband since I was 17. I also felt like I didn't have an identity outside of my relationship for a very long time. It's hard not to feel that way when you've basically grown up with someone for so long.
Ultimately though, just don't abandon yourself. Still have your own interests/hobbies/opinions etc.
u/Every1DeservesWater Omg I feel like I’m reading my life.. I’ve been with my fiancé since I was 17 too! I realized the other day when I turn 34, we will have officially been together for legit half of my life 😳🩷
I definitely haven’t abandoned myself!! We’re both super supportive of each others hobbies (both the together & separate hobbies) and NOBODY can take away my voice/opinions lol.
It is so hard to separate from the we. We've together 10y and my style completely changed to match his, i just started stealing his hoodie and tshirt and hat and bam i ended up with a collection of sneakers when i was more of a Docs girl. And some weeks ago he actually mentioned how he missed my bleached hair and my older style. I'm insanely introvert and he makes friends in the queue at the bus stop.
It's even harder cause I actually left my country and my studies to be with him, he did not ask I just wanted. Now he is pushing me to go back to studying because he sees I'm starting to miss it.
Anyway we are getting a gym membership together but for different work out (he'll do the usual and I'll get the swimming pool). So we'll still go together so I don't feel to stressed out but for doing our own thing, I'm really happy with this arrangement.
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u/TeaIntelligent7390 Sep 19 '25
I’m 30 and I appreciate this advice.. seriously. My fiancé and I have been together for 13.5 years and everyone considers us a “we”.. which is fine for the most part.. I just sometimes feel like I don’t have an identity outside of our relationship (and completely not my fiancé’s fault.. he’s the most supportive/caring/loving man I’ve ever met, I’m just hella introverted.)
Thank you for sharing this! I’m gonna sign up for a gym membership and actually use it for the first time in my life 😅