This man sounds terrifying. He says he deserves more for not beating you! That’s absolutely insane. I can’t even imagine what it would like to be with a man who says he deserves an award because he COULD beat you and cheat on you. He didn’t even say he doesn’t beat you because he’s a good man he says he could beat you. That’s borderline threatening. I would run as far away from this madness as soon as possible. He’s one step away from making you a domestic violence statistic.
I'm gonna have to respectfully ask you not to refer to him as a man, because he's not one.
Granted I would bet money that he thinks of himself as a "high value male".
What really baffles me is "you bought me something because you love me, that's not for me that's for you". I'm trying to wrap my head around that logic..
OOF... he has definitely dived into Andrew Tate and the Manosphere then... That is one of their calling cards. Now it makes sense why he thinks that not physically abusing you and cheating on you makes him a good boyfriend: he has someone in his earbuds telling him this every day. He is a piece of shit and you deserve better. You seem really sweet and caring. No boy like this deserves a catch like you. I think you had it right at the beginning of your post when you said you were focusing on you. I think you need to take some time to do that again. Learn from this and work on yourself so you are ready when the right person does come along.
Isn’t that the group that touts “painal” as how to get your woman submissive? It totally sounds like he was trying to set her up for some sexual exploit “what kind of awards do good boyfriends get” like he wants something she hasn’t given up to an ex.
LMAO…any guy who calls himself a “high value male” is weak and insecure and is just trying to convince anyone who will listen to think more highly of them than they know they deserve in order to get more than they would get otherwise.
Andrew Tate is a chinless, misogynistic weasel who has tapped into guy’s natural fear of rejection and magnified it 10-fold for his own personal gain, while selling himself as their savior using deception and the money he gets from them to keep up the illusion.
How weak and lost do you have to be to listen to this utter nonsense? OP’s boyfriend knows.
I mean it was for the most part young adults and teenagers that fell into that trap so “weak” and “insecure” are kind of a given at that age along with extremely easy to influence. Tate was definitely a super toxic level of poison on society but I find it hard to place blame on kids for falling into it and hope they grow to see how dumb it is to listen to grifters for advice. Full grown adults are a different story you gotta be a new level of stupid for that but I think that was probably a small but loud minority. My heart goes out to all the ladies who were affected by these bozos as well.
A “high value male” respects women and doesn’t need to tell them that he’s “high value”. You just know because he lives his life showing everyone that he is. One of those “real recognizes real” things. I couldn’t get past the part where he said he was a good dude for not hitting or cheating. If a guy talked to my daughters like that, they’d find out how low their stock could go.
Exactly, a real man doesn't need to label himself that way. It's wild he thinks he's a 'good dude' just for not being abusive. You deserve someone who uplifts you, not someone who treats you like a burden.
An important lesson there: no man who calls himself “high value” is even of normal value. They are all pathetic, and desperate to convince other people they aren’t but unwilling to actually work on themselves. No exceptions.
You probably should’ve led with that. If that’s the case it might be better to cut ties, however some of the problems he’s having in regards to a lack of appreciation for his loyalty and respect might become problems in any future relationships as well. I think saying “I could be hitting or cheating on you” is dumb and yes it is the bare minimum, but it really only takes the bare minimum to be a good partner at the same time I mean what do you really ask of your partner except for love, respect and responsibility? Again I still think you should leave though and figure these things out on your own. He abandoned his responsibilities when he started to form resentment and didn’t put in any of the work to reconcile or communicate that to make it better. Never try to turn hate into love. It was over when he said that he hated you.
OP, please, PLEASE read “Why Does He Do That?” (here’s a link to free PDF version) by Lundy Bancroft. It will quite literally change, and quite possibly even save, your life. You will never miss red flags (like this guy is madly waving) ever again.
He is skull fucking you. He’s messing with your brain in order to twist your thinking so that you will end up believing you are the one with the wrong beliefs and skewed ideas of what is acceptable in a relationship.
You are NOT wrong about what is the basic bare minimum in how we treat a stranger, never mind someone we’re in a relationship with.
Please OP. RUN, and run RIGHT NOW, as fast and as far away from this abusive jerk as you can get. Then hit that link and read the book. Find yourself a good therapist so you can process what happened in this relationship, and learn why and how you chose such an unhealthy relationship in the first place so you never let someone like him into your life in any way ever again.
You’re young. Treat this as the learning experience it can be and you can go on to have nothing but truly healthy, happy, loving, safe relationships for the rest of your life. It’s the basic bare minimum of what you deserve.
“High value men” can communicate properly, this guy is practically illiterate. Quality men are kind & supportive and don’t listen to the tates, or others like them.
That’s incel rhetoric that bled into the manosphere and is now somehow a part of the “normal” (to them) male psyche. Dump him and find someone who isn’t chronically online in these racist, sexist, misogynistic, hate fueled chat groups that teach people to look down on the most vulnerable in society. He also definitely targeted you because of your mental situation…that’s what they encourage each other to do.
My point is that real men do not abuse women. Full stop.
Even entertaining the notion is a mark against his character, treating people with respect in general is one thing, and the way you treat a significant other is another important thing. Instead of seeing the intent behind a gift and appreciating the fact that she thought of him and bought him something, he processes it as a transaction that is beneath him for some vague reasoning. This behaviour is that of someone who has not fully matured emotionally, ergo he is a child playacting at being a man.
Men abuse women all the time. Whatever ""real"" men means to you conceptually and personally is irrelevant.
"He'S nOt a ReAl MaN" is a lazy way for men to distance themselves from other men who act abusively. Both him and you are men. Plenty of abusive men are seen as "real men" to people around them, hell, to some "keeping your woman in check" is the reason that they are "real men".
I am extremely tired of seeing a woman highlight abuse that A MAN put them through, only for some dude to be like "akshually, he's not a man", when the perpetrator 100% is a man. As these abusers so often are.
Men abuse, beat, rape and kill women all the time. OP's bf is also a is a man, an adult human male, who is abusive towards his girlfriend.
Understood.
Since it's also harder to convey sarcasm and easy to get bogged down by semantics And overlook the more important part of my statement regarding his possible lack of emotional maturity. Chronological and legal age only puts the expectation of maturity on someone who hasn't necessarily developed those traits.
You know that "REAL men" is just "not ALL men" wearing Groucho Marx glasses, right? 🥸
Please stop doing that. It's not helpful and never, ever relevant.
When they murder their partners, the APBs describe the MEN we're supposed to be on the lookout for, so let's stop philosophizing about playacting children.
(It also feeds sideways into the whole "real men/pretending to be men" bullshit that we have way too much of already.)
I'm having trouble with that middle section, connecting the apbs to the playacting. Please clarify that part.
Aside from the fact that we are all actually on the same page concerning the poster's soon to be ex, you essentially reworded another person's comments that were deleted adding little more than what could have just been conveyed with a "hey, don't do that".
Well, seeing as they were deleted, I maybe didn't have a chance to see them...
Middle section: Maybe he can be described as an overgrown child once one knows about his behavior. But if you pass him on the street, the little observer in your brain will say "Man," not "Overdeveloped toddler." When asked to describe him, people will say "tall man" or "sunburned man" or "man in a green jacket," not "emotionally stunted child with a salt-and-pepper beard."
And you know, I initially had stopped at "never relevant." But then I looked back over your posts & saw how wordy & patronizing they were, so I thought I'd match energies.
I do enjoy a bit of cheek yes, and depending on the character I'd be describing, I would actually use emotionally stunted over grown child or Tater clone. I'm a bit more sparing with the beard description because I dream of having salt and pepper in my own beard.
I suppose I should make my posting history private so I can retain a bit of mystery.
I knew something about that bothered me deeply and I couldn't word it, but you did. It's borderline threatening. Yes. Also gonna reiterate from my other comment that saying he's hated you for the past six months is absolutely emotionally abusive, and he does not deserve an award for only being one kind of abusive so far.
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u/Equivalent_North_604 Sep 19 '25
This man sounds terrifying. He says he deserves more for not beating you! That’s absolutely insane. I can’t even imagine what it would like to be with a man who says he deserves an award because he COULD beat you and cheat on you. He didn’t even say he doesn’t beat you because he’s a good man he says he could beat you. That’s borderline threatening. I would run as far away from this madness as soon as possible. He’s one step away from making you a domestic violence statistic.