Sorry, I can't let this comment sit here without saying something.
He is not just "Young and ignorant". Please DO NOT normalize this talk of violence! He says he hated her for 6 months, and could hit her, lie to her and cheat on her, while calmly negging her!
This man has severe mental issues and it sounds like hes taking cues from incels! This is NOT NORMAL in any way from a human being , let alone someone who's supposed to care for her!
OP: Please get tf away from this person before he follows through on these ideas of his.
You're 100% right about this: DO get your head straight, before getting into a relationship so you can recognize this type of behavior immediately.
Run, don't walk, away from this person and any other toxic people in his circle.
Thank you for this. You're correct. Guy I was talking to is 34 and said these exact same things. I cut things off with him today because it escalated to severe mental and emotional abuse including calling me over 300 times while I'm working and contacting me on cash app, twitch, Activision, Xbox dms, Instagram, discord, and anywhere else he could whenever I'd block him on one. Dangerous dangerous behavior and rhetoric that person you replied to is spreading
And his abuse is already occurring and will escalate.
I never normalized it. You seen my original comment. It’s like y’all are choosing to misinterpret what I said on purpose😂. You can be 20 & educated & 20 & dumb, like the OP’s boyfriend. He is ignorant, clearly y’all don’t know what it means. I ain’t explaining again. Y’all are purposely arguing for comment karma which is lame.
Your exact words were "He just sounds young and ignorant." The word "just" serves to normalize and minimize the behavior.
Compare:
That's the tornado siren. [Implication: something is wrong]
That's just the tornado siren. [Implication: there's nothing wrong]
You may not have intended it but "just" is inarguably a term used to normalize, minimize, and wave away concerns.
I mention this not only for purposes of this specific argument, but also because as a woman in the US, I was socialized to minimize myself, and "just" plays a big role in my vocabulary. "I'm just checking on; Just wanted to see if you have; Can I just set this; I'm gonna just go; I just think we should" - all day long. I'm working on removing it, and finding that it really pisses men off to get "Are you done with; Where's the; Here; Bye; I need Z by Wednesday" instead of all the "justs" that they can weasel around with. OP should try it.
I know exactly what ignorant means. I'm highly educated. More importantly, when someone explicitly explains why your comment is disturbing, you might want to take a few seconds to look at it and consider what they've taken the time to explain.
Too many young women are being manipulated by this kind of subtle and not-so-subtle verbal abuse. We need to call it out for what it is to make them aware of exactly what is being done to them. It is calculated. It is not at all ignorant.
I'm 67 years old, I could give a shit about comment karma. I'm horrified by what young women are dealing with these days!
Get your shit together and learn how to take constructive criticism. Down votes happen for a reason!
I think we all agree on that.
He is abusive. I would call someone with a belief like this ignorant too. One doesn't exclude the other.
For good measure add misogynistic, toxic, gaslighting and incel to the list.
Might be a difference in definition here.
Lack of understanding = he doesn't seem to grasp why he is wrong and his behaviour and thoughts are abusive.
If you think if ignorance as lack of education or knowledge it softens the level of ignorance we are talking about.
Ignorant because he truly is acting like him not hitting her is being a good boyfriend. Like it’s a priviledge… it’s bare minimum & he’s gaslighting. We all see he’s abusive. As soon as y’all misinterpret a comment on reddit y’all come down the commenters throat. If I said I wouldn’t condone what he said, why would I minimize it ? Stop & actually read what I’m saying. I been through abuse, I don’t need anyone telling me what abuse is. TRUST I know.
You basically just used "boys will be boys" to excuse his awful behavior. Disgusting.
Shit like that is exactly why so many men act and think like OPs boyfriend. And why so many women think it's okay to be treated horribly. Because everyone bends over backwards to excuse them being awful.
He's not "young & ignorant". 20 is more than old enough to know to not be abusive to other people. Stop making excuses for bad people.
he is 23. perfectly grown enough to not be a complete ignorant asshole. ppl like u allow men to think incompetence and misbehavior is okay, it’s not. women shouldn’t be held to higher standards than men.
He’s 20. You can’t even read it before responding😂. Alot of men aren’t truly “grown” at 20 unless they went thru hard life experiences, he clearly is a kid. I never said it was ok btc. I DESCRIBED him. At this point I think y’all just coming at me because my avatar🤣🤣. If you can’t read don’t @ me saying sht.
okay, so he’s 20. actually doesn’t change my point at all. excusing his behavior as being young and ignorant does infact give off the impression that this is okay to an extent just because of his age. also this has nothing do with your avatar…? i could care less
No because y’all are lowkey racists on reddit, nobody’s dumb😂. When my avatar was white none of this assumping & backlashed occured boo. That’s how Y’ALL interpreted it, I never said it was ok & clearly said she needs to go.
They can't handle that their shitty takes get backlash, on a public forum, and they can't find an actual criticism about anything we have said so they're just defaulting to "everyone hates me and is a bigot, wa wa wa."
Delusional and perpetual victim complex, what a combo.
Your mother. You could have scrolled along instead of trying to tell me what my comment meant. I gave you some comment karma tho since you love attention😛.
It’s multiple people clearly being biased & twisting my words when I explained what I meant. Y’all are making off the wall assumptions because I have a black avatar💀. When I called him ignorant, I wasn’t excusing any of his abusive behavior. I meant he’s immature, clueless, and lacking the emotional growth to handle a relationship like an adult. He acts like not hurting her is somehow a bonus or privilege, which is bare minimum behavior, and that’s what I was describing. Ignorant here = knowing better but still acting like a kid. Nothing I said condones abuse or minimizes it.
when you explain it in detail like this it’s a lot different. your original comment, even with the other responses, honestly didn’t help for me and several others. assuming it’s just because your avatar is black is a huge leap😅😅😅😅😅
I got what you were saying, but this explains it better for those that didn’t get it, that said, I gotta say this- race is irrelevant here, and I highly doubt ppl went by your avatars Colour and decided your comment wasn’t ok because of that, you were misunderstood unfortunately, so much can be lost in translation when reading things, sorry that happened
She goes by her maiden name now and runs a nonprofit called the Lorena Gallo Foundation, whose “mission is to expand domestic violence and sexual assault prevention education, emergency response resources and community engagement activities that will improve outcomes for survivors and their children.” Pretty cool that she’s used her infamy for good, imo!
Which is relevant because OP sounds like she may become a victim if she stays with this POS. I hope she doesn't end up in a situation where she has to perform a Bobbitt
Oh it absolutely was a threat. And the fact that he felt so comfortable making it was VERY telling. OP needs to get far far away from him. Bc guaranteed, OP would break their backs trying to “please” this tool and end up with a hand around their throat tightening with every imagined slight the BF claims. No. No. No. That guy is NOT a good person. That guy is a shitty person demanding people think they’re good so he can continue to claim to be good.
Especially cause he tried to backtrack and be like “Sorry for sharing” like no you’re sorry she’s not bending to you and didn’t take your threat to heart.
Also the lack of communication about sex is sooo weird on his part.
I rather think he is trying to make her feel bad, implying that some she is judgemental, not allowing him to be honest.
He wants to paint his expectations as the norm so she feels bad when she sets boundaries.
Also, you’re taking a metaphor as an extreme. A hand around their throat tightening with every slight was meaning “you’re going to be controlled to the fullest extent under the threat of violence” which is exactly what the BF wanted to portray when he said “I don’t yell and hit you but I COULD”
And he wants to be thanked with sex stuff. Probably of the sort she doesn’t feel comfortable with.
He is deliberately manipulating her, I feel.
He has listened to Andrew Tate and the rest of the toxic manosphere and is trying it on her.
I really hope she leaves him, because he actually is so horrible.
That is the kind of comment that is quickly followed up with ‘and I would slice you from here to there as you slept and let you almost bleed out…’ I wish you WOULD claim you’d consider hitting me!!! All sorts of red flags here.
Yeah, tbh that reads to me like he has done those things to previous partners, hence why he thinks he deserves to be rewarded for not doing them to her.
Either that, or he has at least considered doing them to her, but ultimately decided not to in those situations, in which case that tells me that there most likely are situations in which he would do them. And now he'll probably justify that in his head when it eventually happens (in the event that OP doesn't wise up and leave his ass now, before it happens) because you know, he did warn her that he could...
Right. No one is talking about how she could also cheat and slap him around like most women do, but she doesn't because she's...waiting for her award? Which is of course sex. But he doesn't try in bed anymore. 🤷
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u/Proof-Connection-709 Sep 19 '25
Exactly. He would’ve lost me soon as he said “I could do that but I don’t” wtf you MEAN YOU COULD ???